All language subtitles for Still Standing s03e11 Fast

Football, I love football.

It's my favorite kind of ball.

Cheeseball, I love cheeseball.

It's my second favorite ball.

What's going on?

Um, just fixing my kite. The
aerodynamics of it are all wrong and

two months to fix it before kite club
season.

There's a kite club?

Yeah, I'm vice president.

So if the president can't fulfill his
duties, you get beat up by the football

team.

Hey, I was going to watch the game.

But Chris and I just started watching
our movie.

Hi, Mr. Miller.

Hi, Chris. You're really over here a
lot, aren't you?

I like it here.

Hey, you should have seen it back before
there were so many people on the couch.

Can't you guys go watch the movie over
at Chris's house?

We don't own a TV.

What do you do in your living room?

I sit around, read the paper.

Then what do you do in your bathroom?

Dad, could you please go watch the game
upstairs, please?

Why?

Children. I hate children.

They're my least favorite kind of
people.

food, do not eat.

Bill's house, do not care.

Chris? Mr. Miller?

What are you doing coming down from
Lauren's room after midnight?

We were just studying. We fell asleep
accidentally.

Oh, well, you're gonna fall down the
basement stairs accidentally.

I swear, we just fell asleep, I swear.
Please, if you come any closer, I might

throw up.

What is going on? I'm down here. I found
him sneaking out of Lauren's room. We

didn't do anything, I swear. We just
fell asleep.

I guess it was that big turkey sandwich
I had.

You ate my turkey, too? That's it.
You're going down the stairs.

Chris, why don't you go on home? Mr.
Miller and I need to talk.

What are you doing? Our daughter.

My turkey.

You can't throw the neighbor boy down
the stairs. That neighbor boy was in our

daughter's room trying to become the
neighbor man.

Don't go crazy. Chris is a nice boy. I
totally trust him with Lauren.

Do I have to remind you his parents are
lesbians?

What does that have to do with anything?

I'm just saying the boy might be more
experienced than you think. I mean, who

knows what this kid's seen?

Hot tub parties, naked camping trips,
pillow fights that get out of hand.

Oops. They're lesbians. Doesn't make
them sexy.

I've seen plenty of Cinemax movies that
beg to differ. Plenty.

In fact, since I'm up...

Kelly,

Terry, we just love having neighbors
like you guys.

Women. Brave Americans.

Makes the neighborhood feel hip and
funky. Kind of like Greenwich Village.

Well, we do what we can.

We love having Chris around all the
time. He's polite and mature.

And looking for a place to park his boy
parts.

Listen, he told us he and Lauren fell
asleep studying, and he promises it will

never happen again.

Yeah, right.

And I'll never steal beer out of your
garage again.

What? My point is that men lie.

And apparently that we need a lock on
our garage.

Look, Lauren told us the same story, and
maybe they did just fall asleep, but we

were kind of hoping you guys would help
us keep an eye on things.

Unless you want us to be family someday.

Nobody wants that.

We appreciate your concern, but we have
taught Chris to be respectful of girls,

and we think Lauren is safe with him.

But he is a teenage boy, and as we know,
the male species...

Not your specialty.

We know plenty about men, Bill. We're
close with our dads. We have brothers.

We've even had boyfriends.

Really? Yeah.

In fact, in college, we dated the same
guy for a while. You did?

Actually, we met each other through him.

Uh -huh, uh -huh. Keep going.

Hey, come on, Bill. Well, thank you for
letting us come over.

Actually, that reminds me of the movie I
saw the other night. You guys ever go

camping?

You believe those two. That kid of
theirs has them so fooled.

Well, they really do seem to trust and
respect their son.

That's going to bite him on the ass.

Well, I don't trust him. He's a weird
kid whose parents are freaks.

Just because they're gay?

No, because they don't have a TV.

That is unnatural.

And the next time he comes over here,
I'm just going to happen to be cleaning

rifle.

You don't have a rifle.

Okay, then my belly button.

As scary as that may sound, you might
want to try getting to know him.

That way, he's more likely to respect
you and less likely to disrespect our

daughter. Not a bad idea. Take the kid
out somewhere to bond.

Where?

Brian, how would you feel about a day
with me at the batting cages?

Really? That'd be great, Dad. I'd love
that. Perfect. That's where I'm taking

the neighbor boy.

Yeah, Dad?

Can you move your mom's car?

Here we are.

Mr. Miller, I thought you were giving me
a ride home from school.

Just gonna hit a few balls, you know,
have a few laughs.

Aren't you still mad at me?

No, no, no, no, no, no. I think you're a
great kid.

In fact, I want you to think of me as a
friend.

A buddy.

Just one of the guys.

You know, you could learn a lot from a
guy like me. I know a thing or two about

a thing or two.

I drunk from life's cup.

Mr. Miller, have you been drinking from
life's cup today?

What? No, no, no. I like to keep sharp
when I have business with Mr.

Spalding.

That had some smoke on it. Maybe we
should find a slower cage.

I think this is the slowest. It has a
picture of a turtle on it.

Maybe it's just because you're standing
all wrong.

Oh, yeah? Who taught you how to bat? My
mom. They played varsity softball at

Ohio State.

They did?

Yeah. They even went to the all -girl
world finals in Sweden.

Uh -huh, uh -huh. Keep going.

What? Uh, nothing, nothing.

Here. Let me show you.

All right.

We have liftoff!

Just remember to load up on your back
foot and shift your weight.

Somebody get him a blanket. He's on
fire.

Mr. Moore, were you serious when you
said we could talk about anything?

Sure, anything will work.

One for the guy in the kayak.

Actually, there's this friend of mine.
Oh, oh, oh, more tokens.

Anyway, there's this friend of mine
who's been dating this girl.

And even though it's usually the guy
that's moving too fast, in this case, in

friend's case...

It's the girl that wants to do stuff, if
you know what I mean. So the girl's

moving too fast and he doesn't like it?

Sounds like someone's not interested in
girls.

No, I'm interested in girls. I mean...
Oh, so it's you we're talking about.

Wait a minute. If we're talking about
you, that means the fast girl is Lauren.

You've got a hell of a nerve calling my
daughter fast. I don't want to hear

another word out of you.

Ow!

I didn't say you were standing on the
plate. I know I'm standing on the plate.

What do you think, I'm stupid?

Hey,

Brian, where are you off to?

Oh, the wind's picking up, so I'm taking
her out on a trial run.

Oh, is that your little pelican kite?

Um, this little kite can withstand a
scale five wind strength, okay? And, uh,

it's a pterodactyl.

Sure, because it looks just like the
placemats of the hungry pelican. You

what? Maybe I could tie a string to one
of those so we could have ourselves a

little race.

Listen to yourself.

There's like five reasons why that's
aerodynamically impossible.

Oh, honey, you know what else is
impossible?

Getting a girlfriend while you're
carrying her on that kite.

Hey, Bill, how'd the outing go with
Chris at the batting cage? Very

I found out my swing is too fast, and so
is our daughter.

What do you mean?

Chris said that Lauren's the one looking
to move too fast. I'm going to go tuck

her into bed with a staple gun.

You know what? Maybe I should talk to
her. I think I can handle this.

Really? You mean you're prepared to talk
to your daughter about sex?

Huh?

Sex, Bill. Don't be afraid of the word.
You might have to use it up there.

And penis and vagina.

I won't have to use the P and V words. I
can just say Patrick and Virginia.

Hey, I don't think you're ready to have
this talk with our daughter.

Why not?

Because you're a big Virginia.

Besides, you're a little agitated right
now. If you go up there like this, it's

going to turn into a shouting match.
I'll go.

Okay, but it's not because I couldn't
handle it.

Boba.

Looks really great on you.

Hey.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Mrs. Miller.

Hey, Becca.

What are you guys doing?

Saying no to drugs and getting high on
life.

Becca, can I talk to Lauren for a
second? Yes, ma 'am.

Why does she always call me ma 'am?

Because she's scared of you.

Good. I like Becca.

Honey, I think it's time for you and I
to have a little mother -daughter chat.

You know, Brian's running around with a
kite. Maybe you should have a mother

-daughter chat with him.

Now, where to begin?

Uh, your father spent the afternoon with
Chris. What, my boyfriend, Chris? Oh,

God, it's no big deal. He was just
bonding. With my boyfriend?

No, they were just having a talk.

But during the course of the
conversation, it came up that apparently

feels that romantically you're moving a
little too fast.

Oh, my God.

Now, honey, I know this is awkward.

Because it's none of your business.

Actually, it is. You're 15 years old,
and you don't want to get a, you know,

reputation.

I cannot believe that you're talking to
me about a reputation.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're the one who was easy in high
school.

Where did you hear that?

From you!

Dad! And Aunt Linda! And our crossing
guard!

going to. You can't talk to me like
this. Why? It's true.

Go to your room. I'm in my room. Don't
you sass me.

You can't tell me what to do.

Well, that's where you're wrong, little
lady. So why don't you think about that

for a while?

In your room.

Forever.

I can't believe that little... So
radical.

She had the audacity to say that I had
no room to talk because I was a slut in

high school.

believe I lost it like that up there.
Okay, Judy, come on. We can fix this.

Lauren, can you come down here for a
minute, honey? What are you doing?

Judy, you just let yourself get a little
too emotional. What we need is a

rational third party that can deal with
this subjectively.

Hey, now, I know you're a little angry
with your mother and your father because

they don't know how to stay out of my
business. You are our business, and it's

our business to keep everyone else's
business out of your business.

Now, Bill, we don't know.

and Chris are engaging in any
inappropriate intimacy. You're assuming

here. Maybe we should just give Lauren
the benefit of the doubt.

Thank you. Okay, why don't we all just
sit down and discuss this rationally.

Okay, now this is your lovely daughter,
and she has given you no reason to

believe that she is anything but a sweet
and innocent... What's that on your

neck? Nothing. Is that a hickey? No! Did
Chris do that? No!

with a straight face.

But I wish you all would stay out of my
life!

Ah!

Okay. Good start.

Path is open.

Seeds are sown. Right now, what we do is
we let it settle for a while, and then

we invite her back down again and play
something called emotional charades.

I'll start. Two words, both one
syllable, means go home.

It's a pretty picture.

Quite a stew.

Oh, yeah, it's a real pickle.

Fine kettle of fish indeed.

Okay, are you going to say something
that makes sense anytime soon?

We're trying not to point fingers. That
boy is an animal.

What did I do? Yes, what?

did he do?

Okay, first off, he acted all innocent
the other day when I took him to the

batting cage.

You took our son to the batting cages?

He wanted to go.

He said he was giving me a ride home
from school.

You kidnapped our son?

Don't get all excited. I just thought he
might like to talk to an older man

about sex.

And you're welcome.

How dare you?

We were... We're just concerned about
our daughter because your son isn't as

innocent as you think.

What does that mean?

He gave Lauren a hickey on her neck.

A hickey?

That's what we had to rush over here
about?

It's not like you're missing a TV show.
Besides, it's not about a hickey.

It's about the fact that he lied to my
face about not doing anything with my

daughter. Lauren has a hickey? Oh, like
you had nothing to do with it.

Does that mean she has another
boyfriend?

Look at this performance. It's like
watching the great Patrick Swayze.

What's going on?

Chris, what are you doing here?

Lauren, are you cheating on me?

No, Chris, it's not like that, okay?

Then who gave you a hickey?

I don't want to talk about it. Well,
you're going to tell him. Who gave you

hickey, then? Yeah, who?

I gave it to her.

We gave them to each other.

You gave each other hickeys? Why would
you do something like that?

Oh, I can think of a reason.

Look, we gave them to each other, but
with a vacuum cleaner.

Vacuum cleaner?

Probably something they saw on TV.

Why would you do that?

It's because I wouldn't give her one.

Stupid bracelet thing at school.

What bracelet thing? Don't tell them
anything.

Chris?

Tell us.

Don't! I know that look. He's going to
barf. We better get him out of here.

Breathe, honey, breathe, breathe.

Becca, what's going on?

Becca, I have to tell her your mom is
very scary.

Yes, I am.

Okay, at school there are different
colored bracelets you wear that show

different things you've done with a guy,
and Lauren and I didn't have any, so

some of the other girls dared us to see
how many we could get.

You gave each other hickeys so that you
could wear a bracelet?

Yeah, a red one, okay?

Big deal. It's not like we tried to get
all the other colors.

What other colors?

The other colors you get for doing other
things.

Okay, are you happy? God, this is so
embarrassing.

Can I go to my room, too, ma 'am?

What is going on at that school?

Brian, we just heard about this whole
bracelet information system. Do you know

anything about it?

Yeah, sure. I have one. I never take it
off. Really? What does yours say you'll

do? Um, it says I'll die if someone
gives me penicillin.

Well, I'm happy to learn you know where
we keep the vacuum cleaner.

Glad you find this funny.

It's not funny. It's frightening.

You thinking you have to do things with
boys to prove yourself to other girls?

It's only one bracelet, Mom.

I made my life at school easier, okay?

Lauren, that's crazy.

Look, you're not there, Mom, okay?

I just feel like everybody at school
looks at me like I'm a baby.

Would you rather they look at you
because you have a baby?

I'm not going to get pregnant, Mom. I'm
not going to have sex.

All I need to know.

Honey, I know you're going to end up
doing things with boys sooner than I'd

you to.

But when you do, it at least should be
for the right reasons.

I know, because I'm in love and we're
married.

Or at least because you're really,
really hot for the guy.

Mom, I just mean that I want you to do
it when you want to do it.

And not because of some stupid bracelet.

I know, okay?

But sometimes it's hard to know what to
do.

Well, I want you to know that you can
always come and talk to me about this

stuff, okay?

You promise not to freak out on me.

I'll try my best.

Okay. Besides, I could be helpful.

You know, like you said, I have some
experience in this field that I might be

able to give you a little guidance.

Ew! I thought it was gross when you
tried to teach me to sew.

I'm not going to teach you how to do
anything.

You're going to have to learn that on
the streets like everybody else.

Thank God.

Your father and I love you very much,
and we're just trying to help you

all that.

I know.

Hey, you want to have some fun?

Ask your father who Virginia is.

Hey, here, hold this for me.

I've never got my kite this high before.
I've got to go get my camera.

The guys at the kite club aren't going
to believe this.

What happened to my kite?

It moved on, and so should you.