Original subtitles

Let's go while we're young.

Hey, I just came over to say goodbye.

Goodbye.

Aren't you going to wish me good luck?

Good luck.

You have no idea who I am, do you?

Maybe this will help.

Miller, put back my snowblower, you thieving bastard.

Ed Bailey, my next -door neighbor. How are you?

I'm moving to Hawaii.

My wife loves vacations, you know. All she wants is vacations.

The other night she told me, take me somewhere I've never been before.

I took her to a men's room.

Well, we'll miss you.

You know, they don't need snowblowers in Hawaii.

I'm taking it anyway, in my last newspaper, before you steal it. Okay, I

deserve that.

You know, you haven't been such a great neighbor yourself.

You remember that time I came over to be sociable and you threw me out? Yeah, I

caught you naked in my hot tub.

I wasn't naked. I was wearing a Speedo that kept riding up on me. It's all in

the police report.

Hey, let's leave this on a good note. You know, bury the hatchet. How can I

the hatchet? You took it from me. You stole it and never gave it back.

Come on, neighbor.

Lauren,

I thought we had a deal about not watching TV before you finished your

Oh, see, I thought it was you who couldn't watch TV until I finished my

homework.

I could shave your head while you're sleeping, you know.

But I was watching the real world. That's not the real world. This.

is the real world. And if you sit in front of the TV and you don't do your

homework, then you wind up like this guy I'm looking at right now.

Standing in the middle of the street, staring out into nowhere, watching his

life go by.

Bill, get in here! You're gonna get hit by a car!

Fine, don't wind up like Dad, okay? I get it.

And on St.

Patrick's Day, Dad's gonna show you why you shouldn't drink.

I was watching our new neighbors move in.

And you just stood out there where they could see you with that big happy smile

on that giant jolly face?

Oh, great. Now they're going to want to be friends.

Crack.

Judy, I don't like people any more than you do.

I'm just thinking maybe these neighbors will let us build the backyard deck

we've been dreaming about.

Oh, not the deck again. What neighbor is going to want us to build a deck that

close to their property line? Besides, it's against the building code. Come on.

Judy, it's worth a shot.

Beer drinking, sunbathing, barbecuing.

All, as they say in France, clothing optional.

Well, if we're gonna take a run at this, we only got one shot, so we gotta

handle these people carefully, not rush it, you know? We gotta give them a day

or two to really... Bill?

Bill? I swear, when that man wants something, he moves like a panther!

to rush this.

How'd you get a bottle of wine between our house and here?

I took it out of that gift basket.

Put that back.

Hello. Hi.

I'm Judy Miller, and this is my husband, Bill Miller. We're your new next -door

neighbors, and we just wanted to bring you a little something.

Oh, that's so nice. Come on in.

Oh, honey, put that down for a minute. Meet our new neighbors, the Millers.

This is my son, Chris. He just started at Jefferson High.

Hi, nice to meet you. Oh, hi. Our son, Brian, goes to Jefferson. You might have

some classes together.

Well, Chris is in the special AP program.

Oh, well, good for you, big fella.

Uh, actually, AP stands for Advanced Placement. We have college credit.

That's the same program Brian's in, big fella.

Terry, your mom's on the phone. Oh, goody. An excuse to drink this.

Hey, Mom, these are the Millers who live next door.

Hi, I'm Shelly. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Hey, Chris, don't you have a chem lab to write up? You're not going to get into

medical school by slacking off.

Although, it opens a lot of doors where I work.

I'll get it started.

Nice meeting you.

Shelly, the mover needs to be paid. I can't find my purse.

Sometimes, I swear, she weren't so pretty.

Boy, those two sure get along.

Oh, I've got to remember to find the husband and ask him about that deck.

I don't think there's a husband.

Did you notice how their son Chris called them both Mom?

And how that Shelly said that Terry's pretty?

Oh.

Oh.

couple right here in our own neighborhood.

What do you think they use that for?

I don't know. I'm sure it's nothing.

Don't touch it.

I think we should say something like, you know, we're okay with it.

Why do we have to say anything?

They're just people, and if we want them to let us build that deck, you'll quit

staring at that thing, will you?

Sorry, we're just a little crazy with moving. No, no, no. We're the ones

imposing. We just wanted to welcome you and your, uh...

Your same -gendered love buddy?

Yeah.

It's all right. It's one of the nicest names we've been called.

Well, just so that you know, we are totally cool with you two being

you know. In fact, we admire it.

We think you're heroes.

Well, you and firemen.

Well, thanks for coming by. When we're settled in, let's all get together.

weekend. We'll have you over for a barbecue.

Don't get your hopes up for a deck, though. It ain't there.

What? You'll see.

So, uh, you, uh, you gals like all the regular foods, right?

Phil. Actually, we don't eat cheese.

Oh, is that a lesbian thing?

No, it's a lactose intolerant thing.

Hey, Phil, you're a big guy. Can you help me lift my coleus into this basket?

Oh.

I'm into it, but I'd have to ask my wife.

It's a plant.

Oh, then I have kind of a weak back, so...

Okay, let me show you some of the cool people to hang out with at

T .J. High.

Fourth team, yawn, prom, whatever.

Ah, here we are.

Magic Club.

Yeah.

Wait, wait.

Who's that?

That's my sister and her stupid dance club. That's your sister?

She lives here?

Yeah, she's got someone who takes basic math and living.

Am I right?

Can I meet her?

Yeah, I guess. Lauren!

What? Come here!

Why? Just do it!

God, you're such a pain!

She sounds nice.

What?

Oh, hi. Uh, this is Chris.

She's our new neighbor, and he's also in some of my AP classes, so I'm just

showing him the ropes.

Did he show you the one in gym he can't climb?

Hey, Chris, what time are your folks coming over?

Well, my mom had to pick my other mom up from work, so I guess we'll be here in

a minute. I think it's great how you've accepted having two moms.

And what's to accept? It's natural.

In fact, it's better than natural. It's supernatural.

Mom, they're lesbians, not ghosts.

Whatever. We like them both very much.

You're grounded.

Bill, what are you doing? Terry and Shelly will be here any minute.

Exactly. When they see how swampy our backyard gets, they'll say, gee, you

should build a deck back here.

And I'll say, we'd love to, but we need your permission.

And they'll say, we'll give you our permission to build a deck, plus a video

us playing shower games.

I told you, if we move too fast on this, they're going to think it's the only

reason we're being nice to them. Judy, I'm a salesman. I know how to be subtle.

Yoo -hoo. Oh, hey, come on in. Thanks for having us over.

I brought some coleslaw. Oh, thank you. We love coleslaw. Yeah, we love it. Can

we build a deck?

Bill, please.

I'm sorry. Can we build a deck, please?

I can't believe the neighbors agreed to let us build this deck. Well, when Tina

slipped and fell in the mud, they just couldn't say no.

Good thing she fell.

Yeah, I fell.

Well, I'm ready to get to work.

Finally, I've been building this deck all by myself.

Uh, hello?

I'm sorry, Brian. You're doing a great job. Why don't you take a break?

Funnest part of my day's been watching that kid try and swing a hammer.

We're back.

Oh, hey, look at your cat face. Did you have fun at the street fair? Yeah, we

had a great time.

Are you feeling better since you fell?

Yeah, fell.

Wow, so the deck's looking great. How'd you get those gals to sign a waiver?

A waiver?

Yeah, you know, giving you permission to build next to their property line.

Oh, well, we didn't actually get them to sign anything. They just said we could

build it.

You didn't get that in writing?

No.

Why? Well, it's just, you know, I see this sort of stuff in the law office all

the time. You don't get it in writing, things go sour, they complain to the

city, and it's bye -bye deck.

So we'll get them to sign a waiver.

Until then, we'll be great neighbors.

Good neighbors.

Maybe we should stay in a hotel.

Mom, Dad, Chris is inside, and I'm supposed to ask you guys if I can go to

movie with him. So shake your head no in case he's looking.

Why don't you want to go out with him?

Well, he's in the math club and the rocket club. Please shake your head no.

But, honey, he's our new neighbor, and we want to keep our neighbors happy.

Besides, you're not getting any younger.

Blink your eyes and you'll be 40.

Pass that one.

That is so... He's right.

He's right.

You're going out with him.

Why? Because you need to keep an open mind. Give him a chance.

Chris! There might be more to him than you think.

Yeah. Chris, we'd be happy to let you and Lauren go to the movies together.

Great. Yeah, and guess what? The best part is my dad is going to give us like

bucks in spending money.

Yeah. But I'm going to give you a half now, and that's all.

So you square the hypotenuse, and the answer is...

Hey, Chris, have you finished your physics homework yet? Because I wanted

cross -check some of my answers.

Actually, I haven't started. I'll just do it tomorrow at lunch, you know.

But Rocket Club meets tomorrow at lunch.

Yeah, I was thinking I might quit Rocket Club.

Translation, he doesn't want to play Spaceman with you.

Spaceman? We never even reached the ionosphere.

Why don't you go play with your ionosphere?

Yeah, okay, fine. I'm just going to go play with the loose collection of

particulate matter.

That's real smart.

Um, you want another soda?

Yeah, sure, I'll get it.

Well, look at you two great kids studying together, getting to know each

Does my heart good.

You realize I'm not paying you for this.

That's okay, Dad.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, oh, great.

Hey, Chris, do you know if your mom's had a chance to take a look at that

thingy I dropped off like a week ago?

Yeah, actually, I heard them talking about it. Good, maybe I'll pop over,

them the trip. Where's mom?

Oh, she got back working on the deck. She was looking for you. I'll go out the

front.

Hey, neighbors.

Oh, hi, Bill.

Yeah, I was just chatting with Lauren and Chris. Those two seem to be getting

along great.

Who knows, this keeps up, you could become our lesbians -in -law.

Is that the correct term?

You know, Bill, we're not just lesbians.

She's a nurse, and I'm a flight attendant.

Awesome.

Look, Bill, it seems that ever since Chris has been hanging out with Lauren,

he's been bringing home grades that are not up to his level.

Bs and a C.

Oh, that's a bad sign that his grades are...

Did you get a chance to sign this waiver?

Excuse me, but I think there's a bigger issue here.

Look, I'm sorry if we seem overprotective. It's just that Chris is

child, and we have high hopes for him.

It was a huge, drawn -out process just for us to conceive.

I know. Judy's like that, too.

Sometimes I gotta go through a whole checklist before I'm cleared for

I never thought I could get more gay, but I just did.

Hey, good news for you.

Anyway, Bill, we'd appreciate it if you'd tell Lauren to find some other boy

hang out with.

You want me to break him up? I'm a little uncomfortable with that.

Well, we may be a little uncomfortable having a deck so close to our property

line.

And after all Judy and I have done for you, we welcome you to the neighborhood

with a beautiful bottle of wine. We found the basket in the bushes.

then this is thoroughly embarrassing.

Good day.

Oh, Bill, I've got to hand it to you. This whole thing with the neighbors has

turned out to be great. I love this deck.

Yeah, yeah.

And Lauren and Chris, they really seem to like one another.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what would be funny?

If we broke him up. Come on, let's go.

Bill, why would that be funny?

Yeah, here's the thing.

Apparently, Shelly and Terry think that Lauren's a bad influence on Chris. They

don't want him to see her anymore.

They don't think Lauren's good enough for their son? I resent that.

Lauren can see whoever she wants, and no one can tell her otherwise.

If we don't break him up, we lose the deck.

She's a pretty girl. She'll land on her feet.

We've been noticing that you've been hanging out a lot with Chris.

Yeah, and I've got to thank you guys for making me give him a chance.

You guys were right.

Right? That does not sound like us.

Maybe you shouldn't limit yourself to Chris. There are a lot of boys out

Well, not like Chris. I mean, I really like him. He's smart and he's sweet and

he really listens to me.

I think he may be my first real boyfriend.

Oh.

Wow.

Well, then we're happy for you, honey. You know, you're a very lovely girl, and

he's lucky to have you.

You could do so much better than Lauren.

What? I mean, don't get us wrong. We love her, but she's our daughter, and we

kind of have to.

I really like Lauren.

Yes, so do we.

But this is bigger than all of us.

Say one day you two get married and you're a big -time doctor going to cure

terrible diseases and Lauren says to you, no, no, honey, stay home and watch

real world with me. And you're like, fine.

And then a million people die.

We're just hanging out.

Maybe there's another girl out there for you. You know, there's this cute blonde

girl Brian likes. You could totally take her away from him.

I don't want anybody else.

I mean, Lauren's the coolest girl I've ever known.

Until I met her, my life was all about grades.

But she showed me how to have fun.

Whatever you guys did, you raised a great daughter.

We did?

Can I go now?

Tomorrow's our three -week anniversary, and I want to make Lauren a CD of all

her favorite songs. Sure.

Stupid good kids and their great relationship.

And then we talked.

with Lauren and Chris, and we realized that they're really sweet together.

He's good for her, and despite what you might think, she's good for him, too.

And who are we to stand between two people who want to be together?

I mean, you of all people must realize that.

You know, you two, living in your house, being

who you are, you know, gay.

Yeah, we get it.

We just hope that you can see it our way and let the children stay together. But

if it means we have to lose our deck, so be it.

You know, maybe we're being a little rash about the whole thing.

Well, not if we want him to go to medical school.

But we also want him to be happy. You know, sometimes I feel like we're

him too hard, and it's not like we're ever going to be able to stop him from

liking girls.

Yeah, I guess not.

My mom certainly couldn't stop me.

You've done a wonderful job with Chris. You've got nothing to worry about.

I guess you're right.

Now, what do you say?

Will you sign the waiver?

Why not?

It's not like hanging out with Lauren a little bit is going to undo 16 years of

great parenting.

Hey, guys, guess what?

Lauren had a great idea.

I sold my cello to get these turntables. I'm going to be a party DJ.

Can I get a what -what?

Christmas light? Out like a light.

Great.

Let's get that damn plant out of here and have some fun.

You know what we should do tonight?

Let's invite that hot guy Bill from next door.

me tear apart this deck you know what i'm gonna go next door and talk to him

about this one more time

i

wouldn't have it any other way cause you make me happy