Original subtitles

Didn't you just have a sandwich like an hour ago?

Yeah, and I can't go swimming, so I might as well have another sandwich.

Hey. Hello. Hey.

Hey, Matt.

Matt and I are going out for coffee.

Coffee. Good idea. You've grown enough.

Do you have some money?

Huh. How about I give you the same answer you gave me last night when I

you to do those dishes?

In a minute, Mother.

Judy, I think you're being a little hard on her. You can have some money.

Thanks, Daddy.

All you gotta do is ask my sandwich.

Tammy.

What? That's right. I'm the one with all the bread.

Why are you doing this to me? Well, if we can't get clean dishes for our money,

we deserve some entertainment. So let's watch as Lauren talks to the sandwich.

Fine.

Can I have ten dollars?

What's my name?

I think it's hammy.

Can I have ten dollars hammy?

For coffee?

That's what it costs.

Ten? Yes.

Ten dollars? Yes.

For coffee?

That's what it costs, you stupid sandwich.

All right, that's enough. I believe we've made our point.

Thanks, Mom.

So you got change for a tiny?

Lauren's right down here.

Wow, you've got a great rec room, Pat.

Well, we call it a rumpus room.

Matt and his friends think it's fun -tastic.

Parents on deck!

Couldn't you just say parents on deck?

But that wouldn't be fun -tastic.

Seriously, Judy, we created a wholesome teen scene here where we respect the

kids' privacy, so we give them plenty of warning.

Well, give me fair warning next time you ring that damn bell.

Okay, watch the potty mouth.

Okay, next time, unless you're talking about the Hoover Dam, you're going to

have to do time on the penalty couch.

Hey, honey.

Oh, hey, Mom. I'll be down in just a sec.

Well, it's really nice of you to have all the kids to your house after school.

Well, you know, we consider it our civic duty to keep these kids away from the

influence of the streets.

You know, some of them have working moms.

You know, Ted, I'm a working mom.

That's all right.

Parent on deck.

Hope you're hungry.

Ooh, Whoppy Joes. Made with the secret ingredient, pork love.

Well, if you ever run out of love, you could use pork.

You should get the recipe, Mom. I mean, yours are good, but these are delicious.

Now, now, Lauren, take it easy on your mom. She's a career gal.

Feeding you is not her priority.

Oh, she went to pick up Lauren from the Halversons. I guess that's the new

hangout.

Wait, Matt Halversons?

He didn't invite me? I'm like his best band friend.

Look, I could tell you that he called and I forgot to give you the message,

whenever I do that, you know I'm just lying to make you feel better.

You are?

No, no, he called. I forgot to give you the message.

Oh, thanks, Dennis.

Mr. Halverson sent you sloppy jokes. Oh, next time I see him, he's getting a

sloppy kiss.

Apparently, the Halversons is the place to be. You should see it. They got

cards, board games, the couch you sit on when you swear.

Hell, we got one of those.

I don't know what it is about those Halversons, but the kids seem to love it

there. Well, for one thing, their sandwiches don't talk.

Stick around. This one will be making some noise.

Halversons don't embarrass us like that. You know, they respect us.

And you can talk to Mrs. Halverson about anything. She gives great advice.

I give great advice?

Well, I know. It's just, you know, I've been spending more time over there, so I

just talk to her more.

Well, I have a great idea. Why don't we make our house a hangout house?

I have a better idea.

Shoot me.

Come on. We'll clean out the garage. I'll put out snacks.

What do you think, backpack?

No way.

Well, I don't know why our house can't be the hangout house.

I don't know. I'm with the backpack.

Remember when we were in high school and we used to hang out at Jimmy O's house

and Franny Borkin's house? Oh, yeah.

We spent a lot more time with their parents than we did with our own.

Bill, I want more to spend time here, you know?

And I want her to remember my advice.

Instead of Kathy Halverson's big crockpot full of love.

How big a crockpot. I mean, if I made up an excuse to go back there, could I get

another one of these?

Oh, come on. This will be great, you know. We'll hook up the old stereo, take

out the centipede game, ping pong. Fine, fine. But why don't you let me clean

out the garage? I got a lot of junk in there, and you don't need to pick

it all. Oh, Bill, I know all about your dirty magazine.

Dirty magazines? I don't know what you're talking... No, you don't have to

them out. Just put them in our bedroom.

Oh, good.

You know, the kids might be disappointed. They think I've been in

winter building the boat.

Hey, Mom.

Did Matt call?

No, he didn't call.

Okay, what about Becca?

No, she didn't call either.

None of your friends called.

But I have a feeling you'll be speaking to them very soon.

Maybe we should fix that crack in the microwave door.

Surprise!

laugh are funny. I need to find a new school.

Did you show them the best part?

No, no. I was waiting for Lauren.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Ready for this.

Oh, my God. That's so cool. Yeah.

I made this bad boy myself in shop class.

What's shop class?

Well, son, they used to let the boys use power tools in school.

Back before they were so touchy about gender stereotypes and amputations.

Dad, can I talk to you for a sec?

Okay, get it over with. Why?

I know this is a setup so you can show your butt crack.

You can tell that funny story about how I was three and I ain't dog poo.

No, we don't want to embarrass you. We really just want to give you and your

friends a place to hang out.

Yeah, besides, you know me. If I was going to shoot crack, I'd have done it

the first five minutes.

Your father makes a... a good point.

So this is really just for me and my friends? Yes, and now we are going to

you alone. Have fun, and if we need to come back in for any reason, we will

respect your privacy and blow the parent horn.

Or we might not.

Mom, my friends want more cocktail drink.

I just sent you out with a plate two seconds ago.

I dropped them.

You ate them, didn't you?

After I dropped them.

She did drop them. There's still a couple in the driveway.

I should probably go clean those up.

Hey, Mom. Hey, how's it going out there? Oh, everyone's having a great time. And

thanks for the advice about Matt. It really worked out.

Oh, you're welcome, sweetheart.

You can come to your mom for anything.

Now take these out to your friends and throw a few in the driveway for your

sister.

Does it like you, Judy, swinging chips and cocktail weenies for a bunch of kids

all week? Oh, it's all worth it. The memories Lauren will have of the hangout

house I'll be in. Remember hanging out at Jimmy O's house?

Yeah, I might have remembered hanging out at Jimmy O's house if somebody had

invited me in.

Oh, come on. You could have come in if you wanted.

Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps I misinterpreted the words go home, freak girl.

God,

I forgot about that. Go home, freak girl.

was a hard time for all of us.

Hey, Brian. Hey, Neil.

Hi, Miss Miller.

Hey, Linda.

Yes, Brian, I will just have to accept the fact that we don't get invited to

cool hangout, even when it's right in your own house.

Wait, our house is the hangout house now?

And no one invited me?

Man, I cannot wait till Dad finishes his boat. I'm gonna sail right out of here.

You've been at the library all week. I'm sure Lorne left you a note and you just

didn't find it.

That's what happened. I just didn't get the note.

I don't get messages all the time.

If the timer goes off, take the stuff out of the oven.

Oh, hi.

Hello, Judy. I'm here to pick up my son.

Well, come on in. He's out back.

Can I interest you in a cocktail, Frank?

My name's Ted and I don't drink in the afternoon.

Hey, Ted.

Bill?

So it seems you're replaced with a new teen scene.

Yeah, we don't call it that.

We don't like to put labels on things.

Especially dorky ones.

You know how fickle kids can be. First one place is cool, then it's another.

Ah, sure, sure, sure. And then they'll go and change their mind again.

Or they won't. Or they will. Or they won't. Or will. Or won't. Or will. Or

won't. Hope she wins.

I'll go tell Matt you're here.

So I understand you have a parent air horn.

That we do.

That's quite similar to our parent bell.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

Oh, jeez.

Hey, Dad.

Ready to go, big fella? Yeah, sure. Bye, Mr. Miller. See you tomorrow, Matt.

Drive carefully, Ted.

No, it isn't.

Someone's a little pouty.

Oh, what's the big deal? So the kids are hanging out here now. He's a grown man.

He can handle it.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Okay.

That was Ted. He said to tell you, yes, it is.

Who's ready for a chocolate fondue party? We got sticks, the utensils, and

sticks, the grand illusion.

What's going on?

Well, I thought I'd stop by to check out the hang, and I got stuck in a

backgammon tournament with these two. And when we're done, we're going to try

bathing suits. I told you no.

Fondue party and talk about how everyone's insecure about something?

Well, I'm pretty sure that Matt's thinking about a new food ball table.

Wait, that's the hangout house again?

Oh, sure. Everyone starts hanging out here and he buys a food ball table. Pop

that dick.

We can just have our own fondue party without them.

Or without fondue.

Great. Now they're over there and we're here.

I'm never where the cool kids are.

Brian, don't worry. Pretty soon you become an adult and it all evens out.

But you're 38, and you're playing bad gaming with us.

You're 38?

Well, look at all this.

Foosball, jukebox, bumper pool.

Is that a cotton candy maker?

Oh, hey, guys, isn't this great?

We're supposed to have a fondue party.

Well, maybe you could bring it over here. Mrs.

Halverson wants all us girls to have something called a wrap session.

Will somebody answer me? Is that or is that not a cotton candy?

Why, yes, it is. Hello, Millers.

I see you've been busy.

Well, with the kids at your place all week, I did a little shopping, and on

seventh day, I made a sundae bar.

Get it?

I got it. You were jealous that the kids were having so much fun at our house

that you needed to lure them back with all new stuff. So sad.

I assure you, we are not jealous.

Whatever. Because you can't buy someone's love with treats.

Isn't that right, Bill?

I

don't

think you understand.

It's nothing personal.

How could it not be personal? You came to our house and saw how much fun... You

got a parent horn?

Ah, that's just like our parent horn, which is also a parent horn.

Not making the connection.

Who's ready to rap? I brought a hat full of teen issues and the honesty stick.

Oh, Judy, Bill.

So nice to see you.

So much for the honesty stick.

Honey, the Millers are a little P .O.'d. Penalty couch?

Annoyed.

They think we stole teen feedback because we're jealous.

Oh, well, that's silly.

But... Judy should stick around because jealousy is in the issue hat.

This is crazy.

I'm not competing with you people. Let's let the babies have their teen scene

bottle. This isn't a competition. We're just more comfortable having the kids

here. That way we know what they're doing.

Are you saying you don't trust us? No. Oopsie -daisy, pal. Nothing to see.

Everything's out of the bar.

It's just Ted says you use the C word in front of your children.

What?

We're Kathy. We never say that kind of crap in our house.

You just said it again.

You're lovely people, but we have different ideas than you do about what

children should be exposed to.

A lot of us had wild times when we were younger, but we grew up, shaved our

sideburns, and put away the Dan Fogelberg album.

Bill, are you listening to this? They think that we're a bad influence.

Oh, I'm listening. You two have got some nerve.

If you think for one second you're better parents than us, you are two

nuts.

Come on, Bill.

Okay, we're out of here. Speaking of out, this one's cashed.

Lorne, let's go.

We want to show you the surprise your father and I have for you in our

Well, if you're speaking of an above -ground pool and a horseshoe pit, got it

and got it.

Yeah, but I bet you don't have a trampoline.

Why don't we get a trampoline on our way home? Let's go.

Hey, boy!

Hiya!

That trampoline's really working out. There's like 20 boys out there. Yep, you

figured out what every 14 -year -old boy dreams of.

And then I added the word olene.

Well, the boys have kind of taken it over, but the girls are hanging out in

garage, enjoying the view.

Oh,

I brought up my old albums for you. Oh, great.

Beckett's mom swears she was in the Bengal.

We're going to check it out.

Lord knows she drinks like a rock star.

Hello, Judy. I'm here for Matt. Well, come on in. Bill, tell Matt his dad's

here.

Would you like any... Can I get you some... No, thanks.

Ted, you seem a little upset.

Want a Snoopy toothbrush?

Nope.

Hey, Teddy, you want to take a spin on the trampoline? I don't think so.

Hey, that reminds me. I printed up some information on trampoline safety off the

Internet.

Scary stuff.

Might want to up your liability.

Maybe you should up yours.

Dad,

what are you doing here? I told you I'd be home at 6.

Your mother and I thought we could have a family night.

Oh, well, I can't leave now. I mean, it's almost my turn on the trampoline.

Okay, well, you're going to miss out on Shadow Puppet Theater.

And that's too bad for you.

Mrs. Miller, will you be setting up that Make Your Own Taco Bar?

Yeah, as soon as I get out of my work club.

Cool. See you later, Dad.

Make Your Own Taco Bar?

Sounds a lot like our Make Your Own Sunday Bar.

Not making the connection.

Okay, so you're officially the cool parents.

Whoop -de -doo.

Ted, this isn't a contest.

Oh, Bull C.

Did you see his face? He's so out of the game. Loser!

I'm still on the porch.

Hey, fellas, waiting for the trampoline?

Yeah, just want to jump.

Boys and trampolines.

Who'd have thought it?

It's nice that you kids have a healthy alternative to drugs and alcohol.

Although I'd have loved bouncing on that thing when I was baked.

He's really going to town.

Showtime.

What did he say?

Can we talk for a minute?

Not much to talk about.

Guess it really was about popularity.

I even went against my better judgment and bought a trampoline. But kids

interested.

I could tell you how to fix that.

Oh, Kathy, this involves you.

Bill and I both owe you an apology. No, we were wrong.

The kids have a fun and wholesome time at your house, and we shouldn't have

judged you.

Yeah.

We'd like to give teen scene back.

What'd you do?

Well, due to a slight error in placement of our trampoline, your son and all his

friends may have definitely seen my wife naked.

I'm so sorry.

I knew something like this would happen.

That's why I wanted the children to stay here in our home where our values are

supported.

How naked are we talking?

Back? Back and front?

You know, it really wasn't her fault. The whole thing was a very regrettable

accident. Just Topsies?

Or the Big Bamboo? Was there any bending involved?

Hey, kiddo.

How's it going?

Well, when you said you wanted this to be the hangout house, I didn't know it

would be you hanging out.

Sorry about this whole mess.

I just wanted to be the only one you go to for advice.

It's okay.

It's just kind of weird that half the guys in my class have seen your top

I know.

Can we make sure this doesn't happen again?

Oh, sweetheart.

You know, I can't guarantee that.

I just can't believe the only reason they were hanging out here so they could

jump up and look in your window. Oh, honey, if your window overlooked the

backyard, those little pervs would have been just as happy peeping at you.

You think?

Oh, I know.

Oh, Mom.

Wouldn't happen any other way.

Cause you make me.