Original subtitles

How come you're still watching football? You're supposed to be taking that box

to Goodwill today.

I'm waiting until after the game.

By then, this shirt will be ready to donate, too.

Even Goodwill has their limit.

Um, what is this?

An ugly old sweater. You want it? I bought this for you.

And I loved it so much that I wore it out.

Um, the tags are still on it.

So are the hippos.

Because you said you liked that hippo candlelight. Oh, man!

Man, that cow's seen better days.

Come on, buddy. She's sitting right here.

Daddy, can I keep my cow?

Sure, honey.

And what's all this stuff?

Your mom's giving it all away.

First microscope.

This is where I discovered that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the

And Beansy, too?

What's wrong with him?

Your mom's throwing away some old stuff.

She's throwing away my handsome CD?

And the big gold cup that Derek Montgomery drank from?

Don't forget to bring that box to Goodwill.

You want a box? Sure.

Mom,

I can't find my boots, and I've looked everywhere.

Wrap your feet in grocery bags and flip them in your shoes.

I'm going to school, not back in time.

You people keep it down. I'm trying to get some sleep.

Why is Dad still in his pajamas?

Because, son, I'm sick.

You don't look sick.

I have a bad case of accumulated sick days.

If I don't use them now, they disappear forever.

It's an outdated system, and I love it.

Now, though, Mom told me to get the dancers on Saturday, and I still have to

my dress.

Oh, I can't believe it. My little girl's going to her first dance.

Mom, the dance is on Saturday, and I'm bruised easily.

Okay, okay. You know, we'll shop for your dress on Saturday while your

watching football. Oh, I can't believe they're leaving me alone to watch

football.

Bill, isn't there something you want to tell Lauren before her first big dance?

Oh, God.

All right, honey.

Lauren, when a young man and a young woman get together, They sometimes do a

little thing called break dancing. Now, take your hands and do the wave.

Come on, honey, and not stop until you do it.

All right, there you go.

Is that it?

Oh, yeah. Boys are going to want to touch you. Don't let them.

Nobody dances like a junior high dancer anyway.

I did.

Yeah, with your Spanish teacher.

Her name is Señora Mendoza, and she asked me.

Let's go. Okay, Bill, here's a list of things I want you to do around the house

for the next few days.

Liz, but honey, I'm... Oh, come on, this is not fair. You've got to lay around

here on your sick days.

I had strep throat.

Oh, don't blame me, because I live a healthy lifestyle.

Is that a waffle bologna sandwich?

It's a multigrain waffle, low -fat bologna sandwich.

It's heart smart.

I'm sure your heart's swelling with pride.

Just do a few of the things on the list, though I'm tired of being the only one

who's responsible around here.

Mommy, you didn't wake me up for school.

Okay, honey, let's go upstairs and play the Let's Get Dressed basket.

Like you and Daddy playing when I come into your room because I can't sleep?

on here yesterday.

What are you doing home? You sick?

Yep. I got a nagging pain back here.

Doctor says I need my sister -in -law removed.

Oh, are you sure you'll still be able to tour?

Oh, hey, Judy, you're just in time. Now, you missed the concert, but you can

catch the second show in my nightmares.

What are you guys doing home?

We need to have a family discussion.

Oh, okay.

I'm all ears.

I mean just the immediate family.

Big family secret.

None of my business.

Call me.

How come you didn't answer the phone? I called you like five times.

I unplugged it.

I'm sick.

You are not sick.

Thanks to you, I had to go down to school and get Lauren. She got in

Hi, Daddy.

What happened?

She and her friends were picking on some girl. They were called into the office

and sent home for the day. Did you hit somebody?

No. No, they've just been torturing the poor girl for the past two weeks by

pretending she's invisible.

It's moving into my chest.

There is nothing funny about bullying someone. I saw that poor girl in the

office, and she seemed pretty upset.

So she's not invisible.

You know.

Kathy Gertner's just a big baby. We were only kidding around.

Yeah, well, she didn't find it funny, and neither do I. We did not raise you

be a bully. Now get up to your room. You are grounded for at least a week. No

phone, no television, no... I have a dance on Saturday. Not anymore, you

Mother... This is so unfair.

Oh, well, you should have thought of that before you started playing Worst

Cassie.

Aren't you overreacting just a little? Don't let her hear you say that. I want

her to go to the dance, too, but the school thinks this is serious, and you

what? So do I. I think they're making a big deal out of nothing.

So she pretended somebody was invisible.

My boss has been doing that to me for ten years. I got over it.

Oh, Bill, just back me up on this.

What if I don't agree with your punishment?

It doesn't matter. When we talk to Lauren, we have to show a united front.

Otherwise, she'll play one of us against the other.

United front?

One of us against the other?

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Forget it, Bill. You're sick.

I know you

think I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I just feel like I need

point here.

You know, I'm a victim here, too.

This is going on my permanent record.

How am I ever going to get into a college that will make you proud?

I'll tell you one thing. I won't be on an acting scholarship.

Mom, you can't keep me from going to the dance. Oh, honey, there are so many

things I can't do.

Sing, fly, date other men.

But I can keep you from going to that dance.

This is so unfair.

Kathy didn't even seem that upset.

know how Kathy feels.

Junior high is tough enough without having someone pick on you. How do you

Because I've had some first -hand experience with bullies.

There was this girl, Gina Morelli, who used to pick on me when I was your age.

Oh, she made fun of your hair?

No, she... What's wrong with my hair?

Nothing. It's beautiful.

Keep going.

Well, it was a long time ago, but the point is, it still bothers me.

That's why you have to look at it from the other person's point of view.

Look, I'm really sorry I did it. I swear I learned my lesson.

Can I please go to the dance?

No, Lauren, I'm sorry, but once I give out a punishment, it stays. Otherwise,

how will you learn anything?

This house is like a prison.

Tell me about it. I've been in this joint for 15 years, and I still don't

what I did wrong.

Okay, I finished all my homework and I did all of your chores. I'm going up to

my room. No, you're not. You're still being punished.

Now, I can't find the remote, so go stand by the TV and change channels for

It's so wrong.

No, what's wrong is that I'm watching the view.

Change.

Change. Change.

Change. Go back.

Okay, change.

Change. Stop.

Are you sure?

Yep. Now, close your eyes. Your mom said no TV.

Dad!

Kidding. Come here.

I can't believe Mom won't let me go to the dance. Well, she's pretty steamed.

I mean, I know I did something wrong.

And I'm sorry about it, but it seems like I've been punished enough.

Why do I have to miss the dance, too? Look, maybe your mom overreacted a

but that's just because she doesn't want you to be a bully. She's a little

sensitive about that.

I know. She told me all about Gina Morelli.

Really? She told you about that?

Yeah. Seems like she's still really upset about it.

She should be. She made that poor girl's life hell.

Wait a minute. She made her life hell? Yeah. For a year, Gina Morelli was Gina

So Smelly.

It was like a whole song.

Mom told me that Gina bullied her.

No.

Uh, yes.

Yes. Now, if that's what your mom said, that's exactly how it went down.

Hi, honey. Look who was trying to sneak a look at the TV.

Now you get upstairs without talking to your mother.

Dad told me the truth about Gina Morelli. What?

You bullied her. I can't believe you made me feel bad for you when it was all

big lie.

I can't believe you told her I was the bully.

If you're going to lie to our kids, you've got to fill me in. I was not

this lie.

Oh, my God.

This is not my fault.

I'm fault free.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sick day to enjoy.

Lauren, this is not about what I did. Everything I told you before was for

own good.

You overreacted, Mom. Even Dad said so.

Bill!

A new fault -free could last.

You told her I overreacted?

What happened to our united front?

I can wait here longer than you can do that.

I can't believe you broke the United Front. Me?

You're the one who lied to our child. What kind of a United Front is that?

Maybe I think we shouldn't lie to our children.

You once told the kids that if they washed the car, it would bring back

dead goldfish.

My father did the same thing to me, so it isn't a lie, it's a family tradition.

Why didn't you just tell her the truth?

Because you can't teach a 13 -year -old a lesson by telling him you did the same

thing. All they hear is, my mom did it, so I can do it, too.

Besides, Bill, this isn't about a lie. This all happened because you didn't

me up like we agreed.

We didn't agree. I had no choice. You pushed me into it. So you honestly

that I'm being too hard on Lauren?

I'm all for punishing our kids, but you've been looking forward to this

It's almost like we're punishing ourselves.

That's how I feel.

If that's all right with you.

All right. Fine.

Lauren, can you come here, please?

What are you doing? What's happening here?

What? For now, I'm your father's in charge of your punishment. I'm done.

Billy, you have total authority.

Really? Really.

So Dad can't go to the dance?

Well, after careful consideration...

I have decided that Lauren can go to the dance.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My decree is final. Next order of business.

Well, since the dance is tomorrow night, we're going to have to get you a dress.

Dad can take me. What?

What?

Fine, then you're taking her to buy a dress for her first dance.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Thank you, Daddy.

You have no idea what you're in for.

My next decree is that you will walk away angrily.

And you will give me the finger.

Tina, what are you doing?

I want to dance like Lauren.

Did you get into Mommy's makeup?

No. What's that all over your face?

Nothing. I'm just pretty.

Why don't you go wash a little of the pretty off your face?

Well, we're heading out to the mall. We'll be home in a half hour or so.

To shop for a dress, you have no idea what you're in for.

Come on, Judy. It's a kid's dress.

I'm almost ready, Dad.

Did you remind her to take her heels?

Yes.

Lauren, I'm reminding you again to bring your heels.

Thanks, Dad. You don't even know what they're for.

I do, too.

She needs them for when she's trying on a hat. A hat. A dress, Bill.

No, I'm not an idiot.

And if she buys a dress that's at all see -through, you need a full slip. And

stay away from anything that's A -line and no ruffles. Oh, and try to find

something in purple. She looks so beautiful in purple. And whatever you

not buy... What? Do not buy what?

Come on, Dad. Let's go.

Bye, Mom.

Have fun.

Go get in the car, sweetie. I, uh... Forgot my keys.

Taffeta.

Taffeta. Poofy.

Taffeta. Thanks.

Dad, we have been here for three hours and we still can't find a dress. What

we going to do? Don't worry. We'll find one.

How about this one? It says, Glamour Gal. That's good.

It also says, Keep away from open flames.

Even better. Keep you from smoking.

Hey, this... This one's actually kind of cute. You see, we found one. Let's go.

I have to try it on.

Dad, why do you only have one pile of dresses?

That's what you gave me.

No, I gave you two piles.

Did you mix up the maybes with the forsures?

Maybe.

Okay. These are the forsures.

And these are the maybes.

I'm going to try on a few of the maybes. Well, why don't you just try on the

forsures?

Because a maybe can be a forsure, but a forsure can never be a maybe.

I guess you're right.

My headache started as a maybe and now it's a for sure.

Excuse me. Are you going to buy that dress?

Maybe. For sure.

I have no idea.

Oh, your shoe's untied.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, I'm wearing loafers.

Those are mine. You work here. Stop them.

I'm doing what? Shopping?

All right. Well, these are no good.

I think I'm going to try on that purple dress that I found.

Then where's the purple dress?

I put it down for one second.

What? That was the first shirt pile. You never put that down.

The dance is in three hours, and I won't have anything to wear.

We're in a room full of hundreds of dresses. There's got to be something to

wear. Look, that girl found something.

That's my purple dress.

Well, I'm sure there's one just like it here somewhere.

Yeah, in red.

So red's pretty.

Look at my hair.

I'll look like a giant bottle of ketchup.

Ketchup goes with everything.

All right, I'm here. And I know you think I overreacted, but we'll talk

that later because I'm not going to miss this moment with my daughter.

Now, wait a second.

You put me in charge, and I think Laura and I are doing just fine.

Oh, Mom, thank God you're here.

Oh, Dad screwed everything up. I picked out the perfect dress, and then Dad gave

it away.

I put it down for one second.

put it down. You never put anything down.

I know that now.

All right, Bill, why don't you go to the food court and get something on a

stick? Good idea.

I'll put it in my for -sure pile.

All right, Warren, you and I still have a lot to discuss, and just because I'm

here doesn't mean that you're not still grounded after tonight.

I know, Mom.

Okay, who has your dress, sweetie?

That lady over there.

Excuse me.

I think there's been a little misunderstanding.

You have the dress that my daughter already picked out.

I don't see your name on it.

Well, my husband took her shopping, and he doesn't know all the rules, and he

accidentally set it down.

How's that my problem?

Look, I'm in the process of teaching my daughter to have respect for other

people, so I am not going to bully you to get that dress back. That'd be wrong.

I'm not going to make a threatening gesture.

That's the wrong message.

So I'm just going to ask you nicely if you'd please give me back that dress so

my daughter's first dance could be the happiest day of her life.

Take it.

That is so sweet. Thank you. God bless.

Mom, you're the best.

Lauren, you look so beautiful.

Yeah, she's gorgeous.

I remember my first dance.

Wore the most beautiful dress with ruffles and lace. I felt like a little

princess.

And Dad came in and said how great Judy looked in the dress the year before.

This is your night. I'll go get the camera.

Lauren, since this is your first dance, I bought you a little something.

Oh, Mom, it's beautiful. Thank you.

Lauren, I'm sorry for lying to you.

It's just that, you know, you're my daughter, and I know that you're going

take after me a little, and I was hoping it would be the good parts and, you

know, not the bad.

There's a couple of parts of you I wish I had right now.

Oh, honey, those will come, too.

But for now, just enjoy the fact that the boys still notice the color of your

eyes.

Hey, Judy, where's Lauren? Her ride's here.

Dad, I'm right here.

I don't see Lauren. I see some other girl who's much too grown -up looking to

Lauren. Oh, Dad.

Bill, you could just tell her she looks nice.

She does look nice.

Except there's a little something missing that I think would look great

that outfit.

Bill, are you okay?

Just a second.

I'm sure it's in here somewhere.

There's a little bit of crap in here.

Hi, I'm looking for Gina Morelli.

Oh, hi.

This is...

You know what? You would know me from junior high as Judy Michaels.

Oh, you do remember me.

Yeah, I probably do deserve that.

I was just calling because I wanted to apologize for the hard time I used to

give you.

Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear that.

So what have you been up to?

Ah, you're a surgeon. Good for you.

Big fancy house. That's great.

Wow.

Me? Oh, um, I ended up marrying Bill Miller.

What's so funny?

He's not.

Stop laughing.

Stop it.

Stop it!

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're still smelly, smelly Morelli.

As a matter of fact, I can smell you through the phone, you stink bomb.

Did you call her?

Oh, yeah, I feel all better.

Wouldn't have it any other way.