All language subtitles for Still Standing s01e09 Thankful

Guilty as charged.

Hello, couch, couch, seat of my pants. I
believe you two have met.

Don't sit there. I just fluffed those.

You fluffed them. I paid for them. Oh, I
win.

Fine, but it's your funeral.

You're wrong. If it was my funeral, my
cousin Phil would be here hitting on

mother.

You know Grandma and Grandpa are coming
in, right?

Yep, tomorrow.

Tonight, we relax and pray for a
snowstorm to knock out every bridge and

from here to Indiana.

No, Dad. They decided to come in
tonight.

Okay, then. Tell your mom I had to work
late, and I'll see you in the morning.

Bill, did I hear you come in?

No. Oh, crap.

Okay, who knows what this is?

A sponge.

A harmless sponge.

How come I'm the only one who's not
afraid to use it?

Honey, honey, calm down.

I heard your parents are arriving early.

I know their fighting drives you crazy,
but just remember, this is our house and

we're adults.

Bill, did you wipe your feet?

Lauren said I didn't have to.

Well,

I think the house is grandparent ready.

All the rooms are clean, all their bad
gifts are on display, and I'm still not

good enough to be married to you.

Suck it up. It's the one thing they
agree on.

Yeah, they do seem to bicker more now
than they used to. Did they ever get

along? Well, when I was a kid, they were
both working, and their marriage was

kind of distant. A lot of things were
left unsaid.

Boy, those were good days.

You know, when you get rid of everything
they can throw at each other, this

place looks great.

Yeah, I don't know how we get so much
crap in here.

Hey. We leave the door unlocked.

Oh, the grocery store was mobbed.

Bill, help her.

Hey, 16 therapists couldn't. How am I
supposed to?

Bill, be nice. Linda's cooking
Thanksgiving this year.

Why is she cooking?

Pathetic attempt to get Mom and Dad to
notice me. Okay, so you want to trade

places? Good. Then they can call you
morning, noon, and night to settle every

little argument.

They call you?

Not much.

Here we go.

Now, Judy, I know that fighting drives
you crazy, but just remember, we have

thing on our side.

Time. It's not allowed to stop.

Did you ever sit next to your father
during a long drive?

Did you ever sit next to your mother
while she ate a bag of caramels?

Well, he insisted on taking 94 instead
of the tollway. If you say it's up to

then you've got no right to criticize
later. You see what I put up with, Judy?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey, Bill, you've got a loose railing
out there. Somebody could kill

climbing those stairs.

I know.

Oops, it's your other daughter.

How's my baby girl?

Oh, all grown up, Mom.

Daddy!

Come on, Grandpa.

Oh, look at these kids!

Hey,

hey, where are those sweater vests I
crocheted for you?

We only wear those to church.

I've got a little something for you,
Brian, if you'll go get the luggage.

There you go.

35 cents off Big Newton.

That's a coupon. That's the same as
money.

I see you still got the painting I made
for you. I got a dollar for anybody who

can tell me what it is. A dollar or a
dollar off dog food?

Okay, then. Bill, why don't you help Mom
and Dad get their things up to Brian's

room, and I'll start drinking. I mean,
dinner.

It's so great to get up and not have to
go to work.

They're burnt, Jean. They're not going
to stop chirping because you open the

window and yell, shut up.

I opened the window for air.

The shut up was for you.

Dad, I miss work.

Oh, you two are up. How'd you sleep?

Terrible. Your father's nose was
whistling all night.

I thought a train was coming.

If it comes tonight, get on it.

Thanksgiving dinner this year.

I'll give you a hint.

Me.

Oh, I don't know about that.

No, it's going to be really great. I've
got a very special menu picked out. Sage

-infused turkey, yams with beurre blanc.

That better be French for marshmallows.

That all sounds delicious, dear.

If you need help, ask Judy. She's a
wonderful cook.

Okay, that's a good idea. If I need help
with my wild rice and blood orange

confit, I'll ask Judy.

Maybe she'll crumble some potato chips
on top.

Ooh, that sounds good.

Uh, listen, Judy, your dad and I were
thinking that maybe we'd stay a little

longer this year.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

That's great.

We only get to see the grandchildren a
couple times a year, and it's not like

gotta get back to work. Just for a week
or so. Would that be okay?

Uh, yeah, why not?

That is, if you're sure your condo is
safe and you didn't leave the stove on,

could be on right now.

It's an electric stove.

You two can stay as long as you want.

Uh -huh, uh -huh.

Judy, could you help me find the, uh...
Pads for the table? Yep, that'll do.

A week or so, you're just gonna let this
happen?

I can't tell my parents they can't stay
with us. They would kill them.

Well, the loose railing didn't do it.

She's going to have to live with it.

Gene, all that butter is going to kill
you. I know, but when?

When?

How can they not sell socks in the
drugstore? It is not the drugstore's

that you forgot to pack socks. I didn't
say it was their fault. All I'm saying

is two aisles.

Devoted to the foot and not one sock.

We're back.

Hey, Bill.

So, day two on the socks, huh?

Turn them inside out, they're fine.

Not feeling good?

Well, I'll tell you, Bill.

She's my wife and I love her.

But she's hell on the lining of the
stomach.

Mind if I give you a little advice?
Shoot.

I am all ears and stomach acid.

Little trick I use when your daughter
gets on my nerves. Not that Judy ever

on my nerves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit
sucking up. What do you got?

See, she starts yelling at me. I ask
myself, what would I rather do for the

half hour? Argue with my wife or spend
quality time with the TV?

And I calmly say, Judy, you have a
point.

She walks away, and I'm back to the only
button worth pushing.

But you lost the argument.

No, no, no. That's the beauty of it.
Judy thinks she won because she heard

have a point.

But in my head, I was telling her to
quit yapping.

It's like a secret language.

I call it wife away.

Oh, Gene, either open a window or put on
some shoes. We got to eat in here

tonight. You know, Helen.

What?

You have a point.

Thank you.

Did you see that?

That's wife away. Does it always work
that well?

I have low blood pressure, Gene. It
ain't because of my healthy diet.

And so I got up all my nerve, and I
walked across that dance floor to the

prettiest girl there.

And that gorgeous girl was your
grandmother.

Six months later, we were married.

The sweet story, Gene, but it was eight
months later.

Helen, when you're right, you're right.

Except when you're wrong.

Hasn't this been the best Thanksgiving
ever?

I would like some more.

This really was a wonderful meal. The
least I can do is clear the table.

Gene, get up and help me. Nothing would
make me happier.

Except if you would spit my ass.

What's going on?

I don't know, but isn't it nice?

I've never seen them get along like
this. Like Linda put something in the

stuffing. Well, it's sage, mushrooms,
and a secret ingredient I'll take to my

grave.

Walnut!

This has been a wonderful Thanksgiving
dinner. And I would like to make a toast

to someone who went out of their way to
make this night special.

Oh, Dad, that is so sweet.

My son -in -law, Bill.

What?

Bill taught me something today that I
will never forget.

Really not necessary, Gene. Better left
unsaid. He taught me that family...

is the most important thing of all.

Oh, that.

And to my wife, Helen, who for 42 years
has been the apple of my eye.

You want to know what that means? No.

That was such a sweet toast, Dad.

That's my genie, Jelly Beanie.

What kind of mushrooms did you use?

It's a miracle.

They didn't yell at each other once.

Well, I think that sometimes life hands
you little miracles and all you can do

is be thankful for them.

Just like I'm thankful for you.

What do you say we go over the river and
through the woods?

Oh, I've got a great idea.

I bet I'll second it.

Why don't I go down and get us some pie
so we can eat it right after?

Just when I think I can't love you
anymore.

Go and say something like that.

Not the pies Linda made. The store
bought one.

Duh.

Please tell me that's the name of the
drink.

I thought they were supposed to be in
Brian's room.

They were, but for some reason they were
downstairs.

think they saw you? Oh, they saw me.

They saw me and they freaked out and
they jumped up and, oh, Bill, I don't

want to get old.

What are we going to do?

I don't even think I can look at them. I
keep seeing him with his tongue in her

ear.

Judy, Judy, you can't erase those
memories, so don't give them to me.

Nice to be welcomed.

I thought I'd come over and make
everyone a morning after Thanksgiving

breakfast. Linda, honey, that's very
sweet.

Oh, it's my pleasure, Mom.

Now, I know you may have been stuffed.

sweet -talking me all day long, and
Gene, that's too much butter.

It's a sliver. It's a pat.

It's a sliver. It's a pat.

You know what? I can't do this anymore.

Do what? Gene.

Pretend to be nice to you. Pretend?
That's right.

I've been telling you a whole lot of
funny crap just to shut you up. Wait a

minute. So all those nice things you
said yesterday were just a load of

This time I can say it and mean it.

You're right, darling.

Let me ask you this, Jean. If I'm so
annoying, how come you were in such a

to get me on that couch last night?
Because you're a great piece of ass.

I could just never get you to stop
nagging me long enough for me to enjoy

Dad, I can't believe you lied to Mom.
That's terrible.

What are you mad at me for? I got the
idea from Bill. It's what he's done with

you your entire marriage.

Just to shut me up? Secret language he
uses. He calls it wipe away.

Wow.

Oh, it has your name. That's cute.

Honey, I know it's going to sound like
I'm just trying to cover my own butt

I say this, but I think your father's
had a stroke.

So that's how you feel about me, Bill? I
nag you so much you have to make up a

whole language just to deal with me and
then you teach it to my father?

All right, you know what? None of this
would have happened if you just had the

courage to tell your parents that a week
is too long for them to stay.

All right, I took a sip from Aunt
Linda's

wine last night. It'll never happen
again. I'm sorry to leave you alone.

I had no idea he was such a burden to
you. You're not a burden.

We get it. You don't want us around.

You could have told the truth when we
asked you, but this works, too.

We'll have our bags packed by noon.

I'll mail you the socks.

Well, Brian's drinking. I'm not happy
about that.

Sorry I couldn't convince your parents
to stay.

Well, they were pretty angry.

Judy, Judy, couch, couch, couch.

Thanks. And I do mean thanks.

Not like when you say thanks, which I
recently learned means shut up.

Honey, I just told your dad that stuff
to stop your parents bickering.

I didn't mean any of it.

Aha. So you've never used wife away on
me.

Okay, maybe a couple of times over the
course of 15 years, but only when I

really have to.

You have to.

Only when I'm such a horrible nag, you
need to use tricks to get me to shut up.

That is so childish.

You know, you're right.

I shouldn't have done it.

It was a stupid thing to do, and I'm
sorry.

You feel better now?

Yeah, a little.

That's because I just did it again, and
it works.

We fight, I tell you I'm sorry, and you
feel better. You may not like it, lady,

but it works.

That's what our marriage is about?

Lies? Deception?

Judy, honey, don't cry.

I can't believe I said all that stuff.
Of course that's not what's kept us

together.

I'm so, so sorry. Really, this time.

Ha! You're damn right you're sorry!

Oh, wait a minute. You just fake crying?

Of course I did. That's what I do when I
want a real apology out of you.

So every time you cry, you're just doing
it to get an apology out of me?

No. Sometimes I cry for real.

The beauty of it is you'll never know
which is which.

It's a little something I call
brilliant.

It's not as catchy as wife away, but
it's very effective.

Wow, you're evil.

I'm into you.

We've already been over the river, but
we never made it through the woods.

I'm not sure what that means, but count
me in.

Catch, catch, catch, catch!

One more time?

Yeah.

Wouldn't happen any other way.

Cause you make me happy.