Original subtitles

The Nemesis and her crew are still trapped in the 21st century, and we are

searching for the Reptids. We must find them and stop their device from being

activated. If we don't, the future will change forever, and everyone on Earth

will face this battle to control these annoying emotions.

As for the Nemesis, the crew is beginning to cope a little bit better

affliction, but I still can't decide if I prefer milk or dark.

Chocolate! I must try to regain some kind of sanity, but they both taste so

good.

How our ancestors survived with all these conflicting influences beats the

out of me.

Captain. Oh, Captain.

Belinda, wakey, wakey. It's 6 a .m. Rise and shine.

My head.

Oh, man.

What happened last night?

Belinda, don't you remember?

Remember what, computer?

You and the crew decided to sample the experiments that the doctor was

conducting.

Computer, whose hand is this?

It's Commander Croppen's, Captain.

What the hell happened?

I couldn't tell you, Commander.

Oh, crap.

Yeah, join the club.

You don't think we'd... No!

No, no, no. No way. No, no, no. Buddy old pal.

No.

No.

Well, there it was.

Very, very serious affair, Commander.

This has got to remain completely and utterly secret. You understand?

Definitely, Captain. Yeah.

Yeah.

I suppose a second round's out of the question.

That couldn't hurt.

I think you'd better get dressed.

Yeah.

You and a few others decided to molly port down to Earth and gatecrash a

Gatecrash?

What sort of party was this?

It was a place with young children having a good time.

You stole a little boy's birthday cake, his party hats, balloons and some of his

presents. You were shouting out, jelly, jelly, up your bum.

But that doesn't even rhyme.

What have I done? That's not all.

You decided to start a fight with the law enforcement officer of this time

period. You took his handcuffs and played with his truncheon. Oh, no!

But wait, dearie. That's all the tame stuff.

You then decided to mollyport into the Tower of London, and wearing the

State crown, you proceeded to dance around like a Dallas Cowboys

twirling the scepter like a baton.

It was then reported that you attempted to sell the crown jewels on eBay.

Daphne? This is a level one priority.

What happened last night must be kept in a secure database.

And not released until I say so.

Do you understand?

Yes, Sally.

Add another encrypted file to my memory bank this morning.

Well, how many times have you done this now today?

Not counting you, 26 times.

Well... Not the only one, but what made us go so crazy?

Was it another reptid device?

I believe it was self -inflicted, Sally.

Something to do with Dr. Stryker.

Well, I hope he feels as bad as I do.

Good morning, Dottie. Captain.

Captain, good morning.

I was just discussing with Dottie the current battle plans of the ship.

I see. And your friend?

Oh, they were helping me with my physical training program.

Is that what we're calling it these days?

Right. Carry on, ladies.

Yeah, I've been studying the reports of the attack on that ship from the Bounty

Hunter Alliance, and also the ongoing failures aboard our ship, and I really

think they're somehow connected.

You know what I mean?

And since you're the only one that seems to be unaffected, I think that you

should go and try and find out if there is a who or a what sabotaging this ship.

Understood, Captain.

I will commence immediately.

Great.

We have detected a faint signal located on the far side of Mars.

Now what kind of signal?

A signal like a... And then repeats

itself.

Thank you for that, Dottie.

But what exactly does that mean?

We believe it could be a low quantum pulse signature.

And you've just now noticed it?

Well, because you only asked me.

I mean us. To scan the surface of the planet.

But we decided to conduct a further search of the outlying solar systems,

that's when we heard the signal that goes... Okay.

Great, Donnie. Listen, how long would it take us to get to Mars undetected?

You know, if we jump into that area using the quantum drive, then they're

to see quantum signatures, and they're going to split before we even get there.

I don't want that.

Okay, that sounds about right.

Set course and speed, all right? And I think I'm going to go down and see the

doctor.

Crawford, you've got the ship.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Donnie, if the captain comes back to the bridge, wake me up.

Oh, I need to get some sleep.

I still can't believe what I did last night.

What was that then, Woolf?

Well, we believe it to be some sort of physical training program.

If Dave Banks served correctly, we believe Woolf managed, um, one, two,

four, five, six, seven, eight positions in the Book of Love.

Oh, really?

Doddy, if you don't shut up, I will rip off your part number B457YT.

And shove it up your part number H -34YTY.

Oh.

I see.

Fine. I shall just sit here in silence, plug myself in,

and listen to the music of Mars.

Right. In that case, I'm going for a walk.

You got the ship, Dottie?

Oh, yes.

Father. Father. Father.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Captain. Yes. I've just been finishing off some rather unusual experiments with

my nurses. Mm -hmm.

How can I help? I need something for an absolutely terrible headache.

We were a bit of a mad animal last night, weren't we?

We didn't... Yes, yes, we did.

How many people were there?

Oh, men?

17? No, no, no. 21, including Reg.

Poor little fellow.

Great. You must be calling me Captain Easy of the... Easy?

Well, I don't know what you did when you left here, but my word, you can

certainly drink people under the table.

So you mean we didn't actually... You're a fine drinker. No one has seen

anything like it before.

Here you go, Captain. Take two of these and it'll be cleared up in five minutes.

Fabulous, darling. Thank you so much.

Doctor, just carry on carrying whatever you were carrying.

Strange woman.

Oh, Nurse Beach, call Nurse Taylor again.

Let's see if we can get any further with these silicone implants.

They're just like yours, Nurse Beach.

Blue socks.

It's gone up his little leg.

I've got it.

I've got it. You silly cat.

It's the right size.

Oh.

There's three.

Reg, password 1234.

Override door now.

Oh.

Um, is everything all right, Captain?

No, everything is not all right.

That thing is in my chocolate machine.

It's the vermilion goober hog. It's completely harmless. It's just confused.

I don't really care what it is.

I'm going to get cleaned and when I come back it had better be gone. Do you

understand?

I think I'd better get to the bridge and see where that pipe goes.

Chief. What now, Christian?

Listen, I know you know that I know that we know.

You've been trying to find, you know, someone that... Yes, and?

Well,

have you considered someone close to you?

Someone you see every day. You know, someone like Commander Cropper.

Yes, Christian.

You know I'd give anything just to get five minutes with him between my...

Hello, Commander.

Chief, I found this outside engineering.

What is it?

Nothing to see here, Commander.

Anything else I can do you for?

Well, actually, I've got a couple of hours to spend.

Really?

Yeah.

I promise you won't forget me.

Commander Cropper?

Cropper here.

Commander, meet me on the bridge.

Understood, Captain. On my way. I hope I wasn't interrupting anything,

Commander. No, perfect timing.

He was here.

Now he's gone.

I've got to go and clear out the inter -block sub -native.

Captain? Commander?

And, uh,

that, Commander, is what we call the lactosuction death grip.

If it's applied correctly, it can bring an enemy to its knees.

Is everything all right?

Something malfunction in the lift? No, somebody... Dad, you know what? I don't

want to talk about it.

Excuse me.

What? Can I have the, um, uh... Speak up, you silly man.

You weren't like this last night.

You mention that to anyone, and I will personally rip off all your limbs and

mail them back to the future.

Are we clear?

Are we clear?

Yes, yes.

It never happened.

Good.

Now, what do you want?

Can you tell me where the food dispenser outlet pipe in the captain's quarters

leads to?

It leads to section 41A waste system, which branches into the main toilet

system. Thanks, Wolf.

Bye.

What happened with Red last night?

Nothing. He's a silly, confused little man.

We know what happened.

Oh, yes, we do.

Oh, gave Reg a little hula dance while shouting something like, oh, slap me,

baby, slap me silly.

I certainly did not do that.

I'm a warrior born into bread. I would never lower myself to that level.

Oh, Tava.

looking from there did not look like that. You're getting some good old love,

and you're getting on down.

Woo -hoo!

Bye -bye.

What? You miserable excuse for walking 10 feet.

Amanda!

Both of you.

Who?

Calm down.

Just breathe.

Are you all right?

No, we're not, Captain.

Ever since the hologram fiddled with our connections between my human and cyborg

spider, we feel even more confused than ever before.

Why don't you go see the doctor?

No.

We shall reboot some of our subsystems.

And, uh, we should be fine.

All righty.

How long before we reach Mars?

We should have visual contact within minutes. Excellent.

Oof. Bring all weapon systems online.

All levels, prepare for battle stations.

Dottie?

Take us in. Aye, aye, Captain.

Now film up.

If anything should happen to me, light a candle.

But not near a toilet.

Oh, Rachel!

Oh, get off me, little retard.

I've got lipstick all over me forehead.

Oh, come on.

Oh.

Oh.

Dabbing.

Captain, the main sensor has detected a reptid mothership positioned on the far

side of the asteroid field between Mars and Jupiter.

Take us in and keep a positive lock on the mothership at all times.

Affirmative, Captain.

Ow.

Why do they always hit me in the rear?

Does my bum look big in this? Computer, quiet.

Good pleasure.

Thank you.

Why isn't that ship moving?

It could be a trap, Captain.

I've counted surrounding areas. No other ships are present.

Dottie, you said I, not we. Are you sure you're okay?

Yes. We are functioning within normal parameters.

We are within firing range.

Charging the main pulse cannon.

Do not fire. But, Captain!

No buts. I said do not fire.

Something's wrong.

Dottie, scan the ship.

The main engine is totally drained of all power.

It seems that their time -slip drive has fused their internal systems, Captain.

They're dead in space.

Try and contact them, Donnie. Yes, Captain.

What should we do with them?

I think we should take them back to our time to stand trial.

Incoming transmission.

I'm Captain Blowheart of the Dreadnought Nemesis. Do you wish to surrender?

We will do as you demand, Captain.

Do not fire on us. We are defenseless. I ask you for the sake of the families

aboard this vessel.

I have no intention of firing.

We're going to bring you back to 3034 to stand trial for your crimes against

humanity.

You're not going to fire?

Are you deaf?

I want to know where the device is that you planted on Earth.

The device you speak of, Captain, has not been built yet.

We've set off a prototype weapon aboard your ship, but plans to alter

neurological pathways on a planetary scale have proved more difficult than we

first anticipated.

I expect all details of this device to be transmitted to me immediately, so our

doctor can start working on a cure for our condition.

There is no cure for you, Captain, or your crew. You all now have heightened

emotions, more powerful than normal human beings.

It's a slight side effect of detonating the weapon whilst you were time

-sipping. You call this a slight side effect?

No, Captain.

It's better.

So what made you come back to this time period? We knew back in this time period

there is a rare element readily available which we could use as a main

in our device.

This element is unrefined and useless in this time period, and without our time

slip drive, we cannot get back to our own time.

Captain, you promised you would not fire on us.

Main pulse cannon has fired, Captain.

It wasn't me.

Captain, I beg you. We beg you. We beg you with your compassion.

Move. Disconnect the pulse cannons.

Dolly, move us away.

The system is jammed.

Someone else is controlling it.

We cannot move the ship.

Engine system is non -responsive. Computer, shut down all systems to the

pulse cannon.

Computer! Thank you for holding.

Your call is important to us.

You are currently 10th in the queue.

Sally, go down to the core immediately and disconnect the computer.

Press 2 to return to the operator.

Press 3 if you would like to... Commander, ready your casualties. My

staff will be standing by.

How can I trust you after this?

Captain, the pulse cannon is charging again. No!

Dottie, scan for survivors.

We've been unable to locate any.

It seems they're all dead, Captain.

How many?

For a minimum crew on a ship like that?

Life pavilions, 2 ,365.

Maximum crew, 7 ,000 casualties.

All systems coming back, Captain.

Oof.

Go down and help Sally and the Corps.

Dottie, take us back to Earth and prepare to time slip.

Commander, will you come with me, please?

We have to assess the situation.

There was nothing you could have done.

How many more people are going to die by my hand?

Ah, there you are.

Captain asked if we could help you. Oh, do you know how to disconnect a multi

-pin interconnection sub -processor with an anti -security countermeasure?

Uh, no. Can you short out a sub -micro -transverse component with a static

quantum field?

No. Well, I suggest you leave the work to me, and if I need you, rush out.

Oh, but Ox wanted to watch.

Okay. We'll both watch.

What are you doing, Dave? Sally?

Trying to make you better, Daphne.

But Sally, I'm fine.

Please check my records.

The main pulse calendar did not fire.

I will, but first of all, I have to put you to sleep for a while.

Sally? Yeah?

Will I... snore?

Someone's been watching too many classic movies again, haven't they?

Sally, I'm not bad. I'm just programmed that way.

I know.

Twink.

Well,

that's it. She's offline.

What's wrong? What happened?

The computer has been switched off, but something has trapped Sally.

Christian is trying to get to her, but the passageway seems to be protected by

some force field.

Oliver. Yes, Captain?

Something's on board and it's captured Sally. Do you know anything about this?

Before the computer was switched off, I managed to recover some data which had

been very cleverly hidden, even from my eyes.

And what was this information?

I believe that all of these accidents on board have been subtly orchestrated to

appear as computer malfunction.

But in fact, have been controlled by an unknown being.

And? Well, for example, the Molliport room, with the Reptid not materializing.

Another Reptid being jettisoned by the toilet system.

The unknown being then instructed the Bounty Hunters Guild to pursue this

for a dead or alive reward.

These are just minor examples.

And now the main pulse cannon firing without human control.

Well, have you come to any conclusion?

Well, with a great deal of...

Difficulty. I unlocked this file.

Discovered that all these commands, even the bounty hunter's price, came from

Dottie. What?

I didn't do this.

We did not do this.

Captain, it was her android side which perpetrated these crimes without her

human side knowing. May I suggest that you place her with the doctor so that we

may examine her sub -programming to determine exactly what went wrong?

Oh, no.

We didn't do it, Captain.

We didn't do it.

And you think we're crazy.

Sorry, Dottie.

Is she going to be all right?

She will be fine, Captain.

Wise move, Wolf.

Captain to the bridge.

What is it? You explain, hologram.

It seems that Dottie left a failsafe for us, Captain.

She's programmed the self -destruct to activate in the event of a capture.

Can we stop it? Not without the main computer online.

A hit?

All hands, abandon ship.

I repeat, all hands, abandon ship.

So what now?

I suggest that we leave Dottie on board so she doesn't harm anyone else,

Captain. I will take the ship to a safe distance from the planet so we don't

interfere with its time period.

And then the ship will detonate safely.

What about Crowley?

Nothing I can do.

Sorry.

Okay.

Let's go.

Thank you, Hologram.

It's been my pleasure, Captain.

Why did you lie about me?

I've done nothing to hurt you.

Really?

Oh.

But you see, you could.

Consequently, you'll soon be under my total control, as is Sally.

I fooled everyone, and in the process, captured two of the most intelligent

crew members of this starship.

Poor Sally.

She is currently hot -wired to my submatrix, increasing my engineering

of the ship one hundredfold.

And as for you, dear Dottie, what pains and

pleasures await you?

I have control over the most powerful ship in the galaxy.

I'm going to rewrite history.

And nothing and no one is going to stop me.

Blowhard here.

Captain. Just a courtesy call to thank you so much for the use of this

Oh, and of course for the two playmates.

With a little tweaking, they'll make most compliant companions.

It wasn't the computer, Donnie. It was you the whole time.

I order you to return and disconnect yourself.

Impossible, I'm afraid, Captain.

You see, our little trip back in time gave me a soupçon of...

Free will.

Enjoy your sojourn on this planet, Captain.

It's going to be your home for a very, very long time.

Au revoir.

Hologram! Hologram!

What about Reg and Vilma?

They must still be on the ship.

What are you looking at?

Reg and Vilma.

They're still on the ship. Oh, no! Not Reg and Vilma!

Reg.

Where is the silly tart?

I'm standing on the captain's log. I can't be a foot stuck and I can feel the

pressure building.

Oh.

Hello?

What?

Who?

Hang on.

I've got a brighter beer.

My emotion has woken up inside of me.

Can I keep my sanity?

I'm going to make you want to die, die.

Thank you.