All language subtitles for Starhyke s01e05 Plug And Play

We are trapped in the 21st century.

I am Captain Belinda Blowhard of the
Dreadnought Nemesis. We journeyed back

time from the year 3034.

Our orders are to locate and destroy a
reptid mothership sent back in time to

alter our history and the future of the
human race.

As we entered the time slip, a device
was activated on board the ship

my crew. Now, we can no longer suppress
our emotions and must control feelings

that humans haven't felt for hundreds of
years.

We will find these reptiles and complete
our mission if it's the last thing we

do. I will not let these new emotions
divert us from our duty.

Dottie, check the database. Try and get
a reading on this thing.

Oof. Any luck with the weapon lock yet?

No, weapons will not lock. It seems to
either have an anti -cloaking field or

antimatter displacement field. We cannot
scan around or near the parameters of

this object.

We feel very confused.

Well, that's nothing new, Dottie. All
right, everyone, this is very serious.

Gather around.

Why?

If we cannot destroy it, and we cannot
get close enough to see it properly,

perhaps our internal systems are
damaged.

We are repenting.

Well, don't look at me. I'm still
getting over my last girlfriend.

But you only met her yesterday.

You obviously haven't met the right
woman yet.

Maybe I can assist?

No, I'm fine, honest. We've got to keep
this professional.

We can if you want. I don't mind being
paid.

We have just received a blue screen of
death attempting to clear and purge. Oh,

shut up, all of you.

This is ridiculous. I mean, we were once
the best of the best of the Admiralty,

and now we can't even have a serious
discussion about something that could

potentially wipe us out.

All I hear about is sex.

Somebody's in the corner bawling their
eyes out.

For my sanity, do you think we could
just have one conversation without

to do with sex in it?

Or without Dottie having to try and
reboot herself all the time?

Huh? Can we?

You think?

Aye, aye, Captain.

Ox, what do you think about this object?

Don't you ever speak?

This is insanity!

Does anybody have an opinion about this
situation?

Yes, Captain.

We simply cannot scan it. It might be a
multi -space -time molecular object

designed to live outside of galactic
time, hence the impossible lock on the

hazmat scanner.

That's excellent work, Dottie. All
right, now we're getting somewhere.

Whoa! Well, if it is outside of space
-time, we could adapt the weapon system

with a hyper -quantum signature pulse.

That should give us a locking target,
which we could then use to enable the

cannon to emit an anti -time burst.

This is good stuff. Now we're ready.
Fucking... Okay, grab her.

What?

Yeah, I heard Paul's being mentioned,
and mine's a bit high.

What are you talking about?

I knew it was too good to last.

No, hang on. Just rebooting my fifth...
Oh, we do not do it like that. Oh, that

we are certain.

Oh, my blue socks.

They certainly need to keep this bridge
tidier, because if they don't, it'll all

have to be redone.

Don't say anything, darling.

Everyone back to work, please.

Thank you.

Yes, computer?

I have scanned the surface of the planet
Earth, and I have found a location to

which reptiles are returning regularly.

And what sort of place is this?

Daddy, run a full scan. Give me some
more info.

We have indeed found the location that
the computer refers to, Captain.

It seems to be some sort of alien
meeting point, where they gather under

disguise. We believe that they were once
referred to as Gambling Den, Dance

House, Casino, Orbella, Cat House, Strip
Joint, Massage Parlour. Daddy!

Sounds like an undercover mission to me.
If we can infiltrate this place,

perhaps we could lay a trap for the
reptids when they return.

Computer, run a multi -level bioscan on
the planet's surface and keep your eyes

peeled for any disguised reptids.

Why didn't I think of this before?

Affirmative, Captain.

Yes, Hologram?

Your request activated my attention
sensors, Captain.

And why would that be?

We believe that this should have been
brought to your attention some time ago.

What are you talking about?

Since our trip back in time, Dottie and
the computer seem to be somewhat lacking

in the disciplines required to perform
their duties within acceptable

parameters.

Dottie. Yes?

Use Dottie herself, Captain.

We are fine.

At once.

The computer is also too familiar, and
at the same time too distant from its

occupational remit, Captain.

We should think seriously about
deactivating it.

and running a full diagnostics check on
its primary function systems. The

hologram's right, Captain.

I'm fine. Fit as a fiddle. And I'm not
an it, I'm a she, thank you very much.

I rest my case, Captain.

Noted, hologram. Thank you for your
observation.

Well, Dottie, my schizophrenic double
-sided lovely, what can I do for you?

The Captain requested a check -up. For
both of us.

The hologram has tried to merge us, and
our android side is agreeing.

But our human side has resisted it.

Even though we tweaked our
interconnecting personality stabilising

Did it work?

We think so.

I like a good tweaking.

Not now, nurse.

Right, Dottie.

I've taken down all your particulars,
and very nice particulars you have, too.

That's all.

We didn't feel a thing.

Oh, it does feel good to be so well.

Thank you, Doctor.

No?

If only the rest of us were as sane as
those we.

Two.

Nurse, for the rest of the day, I shall
be sampling this strange substance

called alcohol.

Please keep note as the experiment
progresses.

Okay, Doctor.

Hello, Captain.

Where would you like to go?

Computer, can you take me to the
Mollyport room, please?

Aye, aye, Skipper.

Oops, sorry about that.

These lips are temperamental, just like
me.

Never mind, it'll soon be the weekend
and I can put my feet up with a nice cup

of tea.

Okay, uh... Captain, are you all right?

Computer? Yes, Captain. Could you, uh...
repeat that, um, vibrate accident?

You know, I want to feel. I mean, I want
to analyze the problem. You requested

my command.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Just there. Turn level 68 and 59,
Captain.

Oh, just like that.

What are you on about? Oh, God.

Oh, yes. What?

Oh, yes. What?

Are you mad?

Oh, for heaven's sake, get a room.

And they say I'm in balance.

The nerve of it.

What happened to you?

It was the lift.

The lift? Yeah, a little bit of
turbulence in the lift.

You shouldn't get turbulence. I'll go
and check.

You touch that lift, punk, and I'll kill
you.

Get back in there.

Coordinates set. Prepare to monoclonal.

Where's Sally?

Truly amazing.

We are molly ported safely down here and
the chief already finding herself in a

tight spot.

What's wrong with it? I don't know. Must
be a glitch within the third power

relay in the quantum scanner.

We should speak in a language I could
understand.

Let's go, shall we?

Yeah? What do you want?

I was wondering if you had some work for
some fit and able women.

We are fit and we are able.

We could also jiggle up at you a little
bit if you would like, yeah?

Dottie, stand still. Yes, I see what you
mean by Dottie.

But you're in luck.

We do have positions available for two
exotic artistes.

Fabulous. Wolf, show the man your stuff.

Have a good look.

Yes, yes, wonderful.

You'll do.

Oh, hi, puppet.

No, we need pole dancers, not idiots.

Well, there is one more young lady in
our party that might just work out for

you. Sally?

Sally, get over here.

Captain, I must protest.

Sammit, I'm an engineer, not a dancer.

I'm not even Polish.

Well, you're going to be a stranded
engineer if you don't go over and

that fellow.

Yes, well, the kid's got grit.

She'll do.

Great. When do they start? Come back
tonight.

And if you want, we'll give you tickets
to see the show for free.

Tickets? We shall need to if there are
two of us. He knows that you don't need

to tell him. Okay, I will just leave.

Do you have to bring her?

I don't want no weirdos in here. I
completely understand.

I'll take care of it, sir.

We heard that.

Doctor? Ah, Captain.

Oh, it's far too since long I've had you
in my craft. Get off. What is that

smell? Oh, I'm most awfully dreadfully
sorry.

Seems to be effects of the speriment.

How can I love you?

Help you? I just need a little something
for a rash I must have contracted on

Earth. Really?

Well, take off all your clothes and tell
me you love me. It's on my arm, Doctor.

Nurse!

I'm here, Doctor.

Oh, that was quick.

Could you get some infected cream for
the sexy, lovely captain? That should

clear it out.

Thank you very much.

What kind of experiment have you been
conducting? You're an absolute wreck.

Well, I know I've been examining a
Scottish bottle called Scotch Biscuit.

It's extremely efficacious.

So I suppose you haven't had any chance
to work on the cure for our other

problem. No, no.

Would you like a drink?

No. Do you know...

It makes me want to burst into song.

In fact, ladies and gentlemen, without
further ado, I'd like to sing my latest

number, entitled Grandma, get your feet
off the table and give the cheese a

chance. Thank you.

Doctor,

are you all right?

Take a look now.

After extensive testing of the Scottish
bottle.

The floor came up and hit.

No reptids present, Captain.

I've set up several detection devices to
spot them, but I've had 12 proposals

for something they call marriage.

Anything else to report?

No, Captain.

And how's Sally holding up?

All right, carry on whatever you were
doing.

I've detected that we are about to be
approached from behind by a large ship,

and I'm not that sort of girl on a first
date.

Shall I recall the crew?

No.

Summon the remaining senior officers who
were left on board.

Is that wise?

None of them have any combat training.

Just do as you're told, you pathetic
excuse for a computer.

There's no need to be rude.

You could give a girl a complex, you
know.

The computer thought it would be best to
leave the main crew on the planet and

summon you.

You lying son of a... We are currently
being fired upon by an intruder.

The ship is yours.

Oh, oh, my blue sharks.

And now, for our newest recruit, please
give a huge, naked ambition welcome to

the pure, the innocent, the never -been
-touched virgin of white, Miss...

Sally, pop your totem!

beautiful girl like you to a place like
this.

Are you talking to me?

Oh, wow.

Sally, after seeing you on stage, I knew
you weren't from around here.

No.

Is that a problem?

No, no, no. Of course not.

But, um, if we're going to make love, do
you mind if I, um...

Change into my real form?

No, of course not.

Be my guest.

Oh, my.

So many.

But before we go any further, do you
have some sort of protection for them?

Hold on, baby.

I'll be right back.

I think I'm in love.

Men!

Now you can walk away with just a limp.

Or I can rip your arms off.

Either way, you don't want to do this.

have handled him myself.

You do realize that, don't you?

By the way, did you say something back
there?

Oh, I see.

Mile taken.

He's mine.

Our shield's down to plus five and
falling.

Right. I've figured out how to find
these plastic guns.

Plastic guns? Where?

Give them their drink.

Oh,

these

guys really don't know how to choose a
lady.

I have audio signal from the other ship.

Dreadnought Nemesis, we are members of
the Longstar Bounty Hunter Society.

A huge bounty has been placed on your
head, and we're here to collect.

Dead or alive, surrender now or we'll
blast you out of the universe.

A bit of ship's name later and our body
parts are all we need.

We don't care as long as we get our
reward.

Oh, I'm shaking in my boots!

I can't get these weapons to fire
straight!

Shields down to plus one.

We're all good!

Excuse me, but what would happen if you
went into the quantum thingy, then slam

on the brakes and hit reverse?

Reg, you're brilliant.

That'll cause a quantum reverse field.

Activate quantum thingy and kiss your
arse goodbye.

I'll have to go in the log. It's a duck
manoeuvre.

Do we win?

Hey!

Hologram.

Yeah? You can take over again.

I'm going to look after my little hero.

Hmm.

Seems that your plan didn't work after
all.

Laugh all you want, computer.

Your days are numbered.

Hello?

Nobody there.

There you are. I've been trying to find
you. Did you discover anything?

No, but wolves were not discovered
erected. They'll meet us outside in ten

minutes.

Oh, you've got time for a drink.
Chocolate?

I need something, that's for sure.

Chocolate? What's wrong? Can we get one
more of those special fancy drinks you

made?

Thanks.

It's good, huh?

It's great. What is it?

It's Bombay Malticling, dear. It's got
gin, rum, coke, ice, Russian vodka and a

very special secret ingredient.

And what is that very special secret
ingredient?

What's it worth?

Tell me!

All right.

I've got freshly liquidized squid.

This damn thing escaped earlier. Found
it out by the condom machine.

Goodbye,

my sweet and considerate potential
lover.

Goodbye. It's a little bit weird here,
Captain. I think we should leave.

Yes, I heartily agree.

Back to the relative sanity of the
nemesis.

We're ready to molly port back to the
ship, plus one prisoner.

Trouble with the mullet court, she is.

Christian, I'll leave you alone for five
minutes.

What's wrong?

A temporal blitz in the influx chamber.

We'll hoop and ock the mullet and get
okay.

What about the ruptured?

What did I

do?

Where's our prisoner?

All over you, Wolf.

Sally, you better get a sample of that
for the doctor to study.

What should I put it all, him, in?

Oh, this should do.

I'll make you higher.

I'm gonna make you wanna die.

I'm going to make you scream.

I'm going to make you moan.

I'm going to make you call out my name.