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>> RUSS: It's the same
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conversation that we've been
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having since we first met.
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I'm just a very...
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I'm a sexual person.
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>> LINA: She doesn't want to
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hear this.
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>> RUSS: And so finally, she
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gets so fed up, right?
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That she tells me to go have sex
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with other people.
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Even though we're married and
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in love, supposedly.
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>> LINA: Supposedly.
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>> RUSS: And so, do I go and
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have sex with other people?
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No. Do I get credit for it?
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Of course not.
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>> TEACHER: This is all very
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interesting, but this is a
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parent-teacher conference, and
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we're here to talk about your
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daughter.
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I love Maya.
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All her teachers do.
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But I see her spending an awful
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lot of time by herself.
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>> LINA: Well, she's kind of a
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loner.
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She's like me in that way.
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>> RUSS: Could it be genetic?
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>> TEACHER: A lot of times these
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behaviors are learned.
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What is your social situation
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like?
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Are you friends with any of
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the other parents?
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>> LINA: We say hi to them.
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>> RUSS: Mm-hmm.
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>> LINA: And-and go to their
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stuff.
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>> RUSS: Yeah. I'm, uh, good
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friends with, um...
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the one who likes the Celtics.
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>> TEACHER: Um, if you want Maya
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to have more friends, it might
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help to lead by example.
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>> RUSS: Or we could just have
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more sex and see if that does
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the trick. (chuckles)
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>> JESS: Hey.
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He wants us to come inside.
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>> SHEPARD: No, no, no, no, no,
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no, no, no, no. I'm ju...
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I'm just gonna wait in the car.
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>> JESS: Can you please just
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come on?
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>> SHEPARD: I don't understand
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why we can't just have brunch,
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just you and me.
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>> JESS: Because he's having a
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hard time with the divorce and
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it's been rough on him.
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>> SHEPARD: It's been rough on
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all of us.
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>> AJ: We have a bit of a
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situation.
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>> SHEPARD: Of course you do.
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>> AJ: Watch out for the
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broken glass.
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>> SHEPARD: Oh, isn't that
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pleasant.
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(crowd cheering)
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>> RUSS: Go, go, go!
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(whistle blows)
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>> LINA: Oh, God.
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I drank too much last night.
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>> RUSS: Mm. Soccer and
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hangovers do not mix.
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>> LINA: We should've gone to
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brunch with Jess and AJ.
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A little hair of the dog.
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>> RUSS: All right, what about
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them?
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>> LINA: What about them?
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>> RUSS: Aren't we friend
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shopping?
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Wasn't that our assignment?
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>> LINA (yawning): No.
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Hey.
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>> MAYA: Can I have a playdate
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with Hailey?
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>> LINA: Hailey?
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(groans) I don't know, honey.
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>> RUSS: What are you doing?
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She wants to have a playdate.
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She needs friends.
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>> LINA: The mother.
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>> RUSS: Who is her mother?
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>> LINA: You don't know her,
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she's...
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>> STACEY: Hey!
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>> LINA: Hi!
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>> STACEY: I heard the girls
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want to have a playdate.
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Should we host?
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I mean, do you have a big space?
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We have a ton of space, so...
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>> APRIL: I'm not coming out!
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(AJ sighs)
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>> AJ: There's a gazelle in my
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bathroom who refuses to get out.
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>> SHEPARD: Why a gazelle?
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>> JESS: Three-legged gazelles
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are what he calls damaged women.
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>> AJ: Yeah. Harder for them
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to get away.
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>> APRIL: You piece of shit
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scumbag asshole!
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>> AJ: Look, I'm sorry, sweetie.
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I didn't mean to say that, okay?
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I had a very rough childhood,
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remember?
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She'll be out in a minute.
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I'll stick her in a cab and then
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we'll go eat.
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>> SHEPARD: Great. We'll meet
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you at the restaurant.
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>> JESS: No...
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>> APRIL: Oh, no! I'm not
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getting in a cab!
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>> JESS: Okay, all right. Fine.
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I'll talk to her.
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>> AJ: That would be amazing.
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Thank you.
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>> SHEPARD: You know what else
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would be amazing? Brunch.
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>> JESS: Why don't you hold on
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for just one second 'cause
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everyone knows you want to go
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to brunch.
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Give me a name, an age and a
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job.
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>> AJ: April, 19, still figuring
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it out.
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>> JESS: 19 years old?
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>> AJ: Look, she's gonna be 20
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in March.
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She's an old soul.
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>> JESS: Oh!
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>> AJ: With a tight hole.
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>> JESS: Okay.
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>> SHEPARD: That's sweet.
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You should trademark that.
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Put it on mugs.
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>> JESS: Great! I'm going in
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>> AJ: Most old souls don't have
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tight holes.
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>> SHEPARD: No, I understand
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the joke.
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>> JESS: April?
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>> APRIL: Go away!
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>> JESS: I understand that AJ is
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a dick, and I can talk to you
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about it if you want to.
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And also I-I do need to just
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use the bathroom.
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We could do both.
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>> AJ: Bitches be crazy, huh?
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>> SHEPARD: Yeah, that's the
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problem here.
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>> RUSS: Wow.
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>> LINA: I am so sorry we don't
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have enough square footage for
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a playdate.
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>> RUSS: She might not have
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meant it that way.
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Okay, she totally meant it that
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way.
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>> LINA: You guys wait here.
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I'll be right back.
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>> ELLA: No way-- this house is
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cool. I'm coming in.
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>> FRANKIE: Me, too.
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>> RUSS: All right, let's make
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this quick, okay?
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Your mommy doesn't like this
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lady.
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>> MAYA: Please be nice, Mommy.
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>> LINA: I'm always nice.
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(knocking)
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>> RUSS: Always.
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>> STACEY: Oh, you guys came.
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Okay, I didn't think you guys
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were gonna come.
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>> LINA: I thought the girls
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had a playdate.
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>> STACEY: Yeah, no.
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I just, I... I thought you guys
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were the kind of people that
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weren't gonna show up.
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All right, well, come on in.
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>> LINA: Oh, we're-we're just
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dropping off.
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>> RUSS: Yeah.
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>> STACEY: That's okay, come on.
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Come on in.
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>> LINA: Your house is
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incredible.
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>> STACEY: Oh, thanks.
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>> RUSS: God, this place looks
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so familiar.
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>> STACEY: Yeah, I thought that,
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too, when I first walked in.
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And now it just owns me.
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But I guess you have to live
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somewhere.
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Plus, the windows.
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(Lina groans)
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Oh, Nelson.
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Hey. Five minutes.
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>> ELLA: Oh, my God, Mom!
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Two center islands!
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>> LINA: Ella's really into
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real estate.
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>> STACEY: Oh! I tried that for
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a year.
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Nope.
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>> ELLA: I love the stonework
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by the pool.
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>> STACEY: Oh, do you guys want
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to hang out and swim?
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>> RUSS: Oh...
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>> LINA: We don't have
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swimsuits.
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>> STACEY: Oh, that's not a
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problem.
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I have so many.
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I mean, you don't have to if you
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don't want to, but...
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if you wanted to... I mean, if
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you want to.
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>> MAYA: Mom?
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>> LINA: Yes. We do.
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That sounds great.
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>> MAYA: Yeah!
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>> RUSS: Yeah.
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I love to watch kids swim.
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>> LINA: I'm really glad we
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didn't invite them to our house.
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>> RUSS: I like our house.
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>> LINA: No, you don't.
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>> RUSS: No, I don't.
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Not even a little bit.
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(groans)
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Guess I should go talk to that
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dude.
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(Lina laughs)
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>> LINA: Men have it so easy.
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>> RUSS: 'Cause of periods?
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>> LINA: Yeah, 'cause of
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periods.
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>> RUSS: That's what I thought.
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>> LINA: No, because you can go
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over there, and you can just
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talk to him about sports.
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I am gonna have to go into that
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kitchen and have a real
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conversation with Stacey.
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>> RUSS: Uh, sports
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conversations are tricky, okay?
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>> LINA: Oh, really?
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>> RUSS: Yeah, 'cause sometimes
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you involve the DH and then
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you're talking about stats
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and...
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>> LINA: "The DH"?
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>> RUSS: Designated hitter.
279
00:06:33,286 --> 00:06:34,285
>> LINA: Oh, I didn't know you
280
00:06:34,287 --> 00:06:35,286
were gonna bring up the DH.
281
00:06:35,288 --> 00:06:36,454
>> RUSS: Yeah, it gets real.
282
00:06:36,456 --> 00:06:38,389
>> LINA: I'm sorry.
283
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:39,790
>> RUSS: You'll be fine.
284
00:06:39,792 --> 00:06:40,958
Good luck.
285
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,127
>> LINA: Good luck.
286
00:06:43,129 --> 00:06:44,395
>> RUSS: It's such a nice pool.
287
00:06:44,397 --> 00:06:45,396
>> JAY: Oh, thanks.
288
00:06:45,398 --> 00:06:46,397
>> RUSS: Yeah.
289
00:06:46,399 --> 00:06:47,398
>> JAY: Oh, uh, are you not
290
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,399
gonna swim?
291
00:06:48,401 --> 00:06:51,068
>> NELSON: I don't feel like it.
292
00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:52,903
(sighs)
293
00:06:52,905 --> 00:06:54,238
>> JAY: Wish I could offer you a
294
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,740
beer or something.
295
00:06:55,742 --> 00:06:57,174
God, I'd love a beer, but we're
296
00:06:57,176 --> 00:06:58,175
not allowed to keep alcohol in
297
00:06:58,177 --> 00:06:59,176
the house.
298
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:00,144
>> RUSS: Oh.
299
00:07:00,146 --> 00:07:01,045
No worries.
300
00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:01,979
>> JAY: Yeah, as long as there's
301
00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:04,048
no alcohol in the house.
302
00:07:09,321 --> 00:07:10,321
>> RUSS: How do I know this
303
00:07:10,323 --> 00:07:11,155
place?
304
00:07:11,157 --> 00:07:11,822
>> JAY: Hmm?
305
00:07:11,824 --> 00:07:13,691
>> RUSS: Your house is so
306
00:07:13,693 --> 00:07:14,492
familiar.
307
00:07:14,494 --> 00:07:17,228
>> JAY: Yeah. We get that a lot.
308
00:07:24,102 --> 00:07:25,102
>> LINA: Hey.
309
00:07:25,104 --> 00:07:26,103
>> STACEY: Hey, which bathroom
310
00:07:26,105 --> 00:07:28,105
did you use?
311
00:07:28,107 --> 00:07:29,440
>> LINA: Oh, I-I didn't go to
312
00:07:29,442 --> 00:07:30,775
the bathroom.
313
00:07:30,777 --> 00:07:33,344
>> STACEY: Somebody did.
314
00:07:33,346 --> 00:07:35,713
>> LINA: It wasn't me.
315
00:07:35,715 --> 00:07:37,181
>> STACEY: Do your kids have
316
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:38,349
allergies?
317
00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:39,350
It's never-ending.
318
00:07:39,352 --> 00:07:40,351
It's like that kid at that
319
00:07:40,353 --> 00:07:43,220
school who died.
320
00:07:43,222 --> 00:07:46,524
He was a genius.
321
00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:47,725
>> LINA: My kids eat everything.
322
00:07:47,727 --> 00:07:50,194
>> STACEY: Oh, that's lucky.
323
00:07:50,196 --> 00:07:51,195
(groans)
324
00:07:51,197 --> 00:07:52,730
>> LINA: Um, you know, you
325
00:07:52,732 --> 00:07:54,064
really didn't have to go through
326
00:07:54,066 --> 00:07:55,566
all this trouble just for us.
327
00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:56,567
>> STACEY: No, I always overdo
328
00:07:56,569 --> 00:07:57,568
it.
329
00:07:57,570 --> 00:07:58,569
I just do.
330
00:07:58,571 --> 00:07:59,537
My mother worked.
331
00:07:59,539 --> 00:08:01,472
She never cooked, so...
332
00:08:01,474 --> 00:08:04,375
She's dead now.
333
00:08:04,377 --> 00:08:05,709
Okay, one, two, three, four,
334
00:08:05,711 --> 00:08:06,744
five...
335
00:08:06,746 --> 00:08:08,078
>> LINA: I'm gonna go check on
336
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,114
the girls.
337
00:08:14,753 --> 00:08:16,720
>> AJ: How's the job hunt?
338
00:08:16,722 --> 00:08:17,721
>> SHEPARD: (scoffs) I'm an old
339
00:08:17,723 --> 00:08:21,392
man in a dead business.
340
00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:22,760
>> AJ: Yeah, a lot of my music
341
00:08:22,762 --> 00:08:25,062
business clients are hurting.
342
00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:26,063
>> SHEPARD: You still have
343
00:08:26,065 --> 00:08:27,731
clients?
344
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:30,267
I was asking. I really was.
345
00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,403
>> AJ: I've lost a few recently,
346
00:08:32,405 --> 00:08:34,238
but... that helps me focus on
347
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,606
the ones that matter.
348
00:08:35,608 --> 00:08:36,607
>> SHEPARD: Hmm.
349
00:08:36,609 --> 00:08:38,075
'Cause you seem focused.
350
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:39,743
>> JESS: Well, I figured out
351
00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:41,245
what the problem is.
352
00:08:41,247 --> 00:08:42,580
>> AJ: Anal remorse?
353
00:08:42,582 --> 00:08:43,781
>> JESS: (scoffs) No, it's that
354
00:08:43,783 --> 00:08:45,416
she's 19 years old.
355
00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:46,417
>> AJ: She's gonna be 20 in
356
00:08:46,419 --> 00:08:48,085
March.
357
00:08:48,087 --> 00:08:49,420
It's legal.
358
00:08:49,422 --> 00:08:50,421
>> JESS: How did you think that
359
00:08:50,423 --> 00:08:51,455
this was gonna end?
360
00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:52,456
>> SHEPARD: Well, I'm gonna tell
361
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:53,457
you how brunch ends.
362
00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:54,458
At 3:00, they stop serving it,
363
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:55,459
all right?
364
00:08:55,461 --> 00:08:56,460
>> JESS: Mm-hmm.
365
00:08:56,462 --> 00:08:57,461
>> SHEPARD: All you can have is
366
00:08:57,463 --> 00:08:58,462
the bar menu, and I hope you
367
00:08:58,464 --> 00:08:59,296
enjoy sliders.
368
00:08:59,298 --> 00:09:00,464
'Cause that's all we're gonna
369
00:09:00,466 --> 00:09:01,465
get.
370
00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:02,466
Seriously, can I come in?
371
00:09:02,468 --> 00:09:03,467
>> APRIL: Go away.
372
00:09:03,469 --> 00:09:04,468
>> SHEPARD: I got to take a
373
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:05,469
leak.
374
00:09:05,471 --> 00:09:06,470
Just turn around.
375
00:09:06,472 --> 00:09:08,706
(door closes)
376
00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:10,708
(AJ sighs)
377
00:09:13,778 --> 00:09:15,112
>> LINA: Where's Daddy?
378
00:09:15,114 --> 00:09:16,180
>> JAY: Uh, phone call.
379
00:09:16,182 --> 00:09:18,716
Said it was a work emergency.
380
00:09:37,569 --> 00:09:40,070
(beep)
381
00:09:40,072 --> 00:09:41,472
(beep)
382
00:09:41,474 --> 00:09:42,473
>> LINA: What are you doing?
383
00:09:42,475 --> 00:09:43,507
>> RUSS: I'm trying to find some
384
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:44,475
shit.
385
00:09:44,477 --> 00:09:45,476
>> LINA: What kind of shit?
386
00:09:45,478 --> 00:09:46,477
>> RUSS: What is wrong with
387
00:09:46,479 --> 00:09:47,511
these people?
388
00:09:47,513 --> 00:09:48,812
Why would you have a porno
389
00:09:48,814 --> 00:09:49,813
block?
390
00:09:49,815 --> 00:09:50,814
>> LINA: You're looking for
391
00:09:50,816 --> 00:09:52,049
porn on a playdate?
392
00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:53,350
>> RUSS: I figured out how I
393
00:09:53,352 --> 00:09:54,818
know this house.
394
00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:58,722
It's the Night Trips house.
395
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,324
Night Trips.
396
00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:01,325
By Andrew Blake.
397
00:10:01,327 --> 00:10:02,326
>> LINA: You're searching for
398
00:10:02,328 --> 00:10:03,327
pornography in a child's
399
00:10:03,329 --> 00:10:04,261
bedroom.
400
00:10:04,263 --> 00:10:05,262
>> RUSS: What? No.
401
00:10:05,264 --> 00:10:06,363
Don't make this creepy, okay?
402
00:10:06,365 --> 00:10:07,431
Night Trips was more than just
403
00:10:07,433 --> 00:10:09,333
porn, okay?
404
00:10:09,335 --> 00:10:11,268
It-it changed the landscape.
405
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:12,670
It changed the face of early
406
00:10:12,672 --> 00:10:14,605
'90s erotica.
407
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:17,107
Tori Welles stood right here.
408
00:10:17,109 --> 00:10:18,509
Peter North stood right behind
409
00:10:18,511 --> 00:10:19,777
her.
410
00:10:19,779 --> 00:10:22,546
And if you listen very closely,
411
00:10:22,548 --> 00:10:23,847
you can hear the orgasms of
412
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:26,383
yesteryear.
413
00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:28,052
>> STACEY: Lina, the éclairs
414
00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:30,054
are ready.
415
00:10:30,056 --> 00:10:31,889
>> LINA: I'll be right there!
416
00:10:31,891 --> 00:10:34,058
Pool.
417
00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:35,392
Kitchen.
418
00:10:35,394 --> 00:10:36,560
>> RUSS: Night Trips house.
419
00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:38,596
>> LINA: Yeah, I know.
420
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,368
(inhales)
421
00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:47,871
(girls whooping, squealing)
422
00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:48,872
>> FRANKIE: Daddy, Daddy, did
423
00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:49,873
you see that?
424
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:50,874
>> RUSS: Yeah!
425
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:51,875
Awesome.
426
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:53,210
(beeping)
427
00:10:53,212 --> 00:10:54,878
>> JAY: Mother of shit.
428
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,714
Sorry, everything's fine.
429
00:10:56,716 --> 00:10:58,782
It's all okay.
430
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,554
Uh... you're a dad.
431
00:11:03,556 --> 00:11:04,722
Can I, uh... can I ask you
432
00:11:04,724 --> 00:11:05,756
something?
433
00:11:05,758 --> 00:11:07,725
>> RUSS: Yeah. Totally.
434
00:11:07,727 --> 00:11:09,226
>> JAY: I just got an alert that
435
00:11:09,228 --> 00:11:10,394
Nelson was searching for porn
436
00:11:10,396 --> 00:11:11,395
again.
437
00:11:11,397 --> 00:11:12,396
>> RUSS: Just now?
438
00:11:12,398 --> 00:11:13,397
>> JAY: Yeah.
439
00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:14,598
It's, like, nonstop with
440
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,733
that kid, and I'm really worried
441
00:11:15,735 --> 00:11:17,568
about him.
442
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,236
>> RUSS: Oh. Yeah.
443
00:11:19,238 --> 00:11:20,237
I would...
444
00:11:20,239 --> 00:11:21,572
All boys go through that.
445
00:11:21,574 --> 00:11:22,573
I wouldn't worry about it.
446
00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:23,574
He'll be fine.
447
00:11:23,576 --> 00:11:24,575
>> JAY: I don't know, man.
448
00:11:24,577 --> 00:11:25,576
He spends every day locked in
449
00:11:25,578 --> 00:11:26,677
his room in some sort of porn
450
00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,680
cave.
451
00:11:29,682 --> 00:11:33,450
Maybe I should try church?
452
00:11:33,452 --> 00:11:34,451
>> RUSS: I think church would be
453
00:11:34,453 --> 00:11:35,452
great.
454
00:11:35,454 --> 00:11:36,453
>> JAY: You think so?
455
00:11:36,455 --> 00:11:37,588
>> RUSS: Uh-huh.
456
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:39,456
>> JAY: All right.
457
00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:40,624
Okay, well, now I got to find a
458
00:11:40,626 --> 00:11:42,092
church.
459
00:11:42,094 --> 00:11:43,093
>> STACEY: I noticed that Maya
460
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:45,596
has some problems.
461
00:11:45,598 --> 00:11:46,597
>> LINA: Maya doesn't have
462
00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:47,598
problems.
463
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,133
>> STACEY: No, I mean, like-like
464
00:11:49,135 --> 00:11:50,634
she's, you know, kind of off by
465
00:11:50,636 --> 00:11:51,702
herself a lot.
466
00:11:51,704 --> 00:11:53,771
I was like that.
467
00:11:53,773 --> 00:11:55,105
>> LINA: I mean, she...
468
00:11:55,107 --> 00:11:57,107
sometimes has a hard time making
469
00:11:57,109 --> 00:11:58,275
friends.
470
00:11:58,277 --> 00:11:59,710
>> STACEY: Friends are hard.
471
00:11:59,712 --> 00:12:00,778
>> LINA: Yeah.
472
00:12:00,780 --> 00:12:01,779
>> STACEY: Especially when you
473
00:12:01,781 --> 00:12:02,813
call them a couple times and
474
00:12:02,815 --> 00:12:05,149
they don't call you back.
475
00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:08,452
>> LINA: I'm sorry.
476
00:12:08,454 --> 00:12:09,653
I feel bad.
477
00:12:09,655 --> 00:12:11,455
That's really lame of me.
478
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:12,456
I'm sorry. I...
479
00:12:12,458 --> 00:12:13,557
One time we really did have a
480
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:14,558
gymnastics thing.
481
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,559
>> STACEY: It doesn't matter.
482
00:12:15,561 --> 00:12:20,064
A lot of people blow me off.
483
00:12:20,066 --> 00:12:23,067
I get it.
484
00:12:23,069 --> 00:12:25,402
Besides, you're here now.
485
00:12:25,404 --> 00:12:28,338
Do you want a glass of wine?
486
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:29,339
>> LINA: Yeah.
487
00:12:29,341 --> 00:12:30,340
>> STACEY: Okay.
488
00:12:30,342 --> 00:12:31,341
>> LINA: Yeah, I would love a
489
00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:32,342
glass of wine.
490
00:12:32,344 --> 00:12:34,645
Thank you. What do you have?
491
00:12:34,647 --> 00:12:36,880
>> STACEY: Everything.
492
00:12:39,184 --> 00:12:40,651
The Cutlers are in Napa.
493
00:12:40,653 --> 00:12:42,186
They have more wine than they
494
00:12:42,188 --> 00:12:43,487
could ever possibly drink.
495
00:12:43,489 --> 00:12:44,488
>> LINA: Sure they're okay with
496
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:45,489
it?
497
00:12:45,491 --> 00:12:46,824
>> STACEY: Oh.
498
00:12:46,826 --> 00:12:49,159
They are so chill.
499
00:12:49,161 --> 00:12:50,260
I'm, like, here all the time.
500
00:12:50,262 --> 00:12:51,261
(alarm chimes)
501
00:12:51,263 --> 00:12:52,496
Wait.
502
00:12:52,498 --> 00:12:53,831
Okay.
503
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:55,099
All right.
504
00:12:55,101 --> 00:12:56,433
No alarm. Come on.
505
00:12:56,435 --> 00:12:58,435
Shut the door.
506
00:13:03,007 --> 00:13:04,441
>> STACEY: Okay, so we have a
507
00:13:04,443 --> 00:13:05,876
pinot, Montepulciano and then
508
00:13:05,878 --> 00:13:06,877
this cab blend.
509
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:08,879
>> LINA: Are you sure you don't
510
00:13:08,881 --> 00:13:09,880
want any?
511
00:13:09,882 --> 00:13:10,881
>> STACEY: This cab blend smells
512
00:13:10,883 --> 00:13:11,882
so good.
513
00:13:11,884 --> 00:13:13,183
I can't have any alcohol.
514
00:13:13,185 --> 00:13:14,852
Last time I had red wine, I bit
515
00:13:14,854 --> 00:13:17,187
my father-in-law on the ankle.
516
00:13:17,189 --> 00:13:18,188
>> LINA: Ooh.
517
00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:19,189
>> STACEY: Here.
518
00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:20,190
(chuckles)
519
00:13:20,192 --> 00:13:21,191
Hey, just hurry up.
520
00:13:21,193 --> 00:13:22,192
I want to hear what it tastes
521
00:13:22,194 --> 00:13:23,193
like.
522
00:13:23,195 --> 00:13:24,194
>> LINA: I just feel weird
523
00:13:24,196 --> 00:13:25,195
drinking alone.
524
00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:26,196
>> STACEY: No, this is a real
525
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:27,064
treat for me.
526
00:13:27,066 --> 00:13:28,031
Jay hates red wine.
527
00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:29,032
(sniffs)
528
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:31,135
Sometimes he describes coffee.
529
00:13:31,137 --> 00:13:34,304
Can't have that either.
530
00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:35,139
>> LINA: Ooh.
531
00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:35,806
(sniffs)
532
00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:36,640
That's nice.
533
00:13:36,642 --> 00:13:37,374
>> STACEY: Yeah?
534
00:13:37,376 --> 00:13:38,208
>> LINA: Earthy.
535
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:38,976
>> STACEY: Yeah.
536
00:13:38,978 --> 00:13:40,577
>> STACEY: But not too earthy,
537
00:13:40,579 --> 00:13:41,211
right?
538
00:13:41,213 --> 00:13:41,879
>> LINA: No, no.
539
00:13:41,881 --> 00:13:43,213
>> STACEY: Mm-mm.
540
00:13:43,215 --> 00:13:46,083
>> LINA: Mmm.
541
00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:49,553
This might be a little too nice.
542
00:13:49,555 --> 00:13:50,554
>> STACEY: Great.
543
00:13:50,556 --> 00:13:51,922
>> LINA: I think that this is a
544
00:13:51,924 --> 00:13:54,391
really expensive bottle of wine.
545
00:13:54,393 --> 00:13:56,059
>> STACEY: It's a '96.
546
00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:57,060
Oops.
547
00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:58,061
(both laugh)
548
00:13:58,063 --> 00:13:59,062
>> LINA: Are you sure it's cool
549
00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,063
that we're in here?
550
00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:01,098
>> STACEY: Yeah, they're not
551
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,065
gonna miss a couple bottles of
552
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:03,066
wine.
553
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:04,067
>> LINA: So it's totally not
554
00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:05,068
cool, right?
555
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,937
>> STACEY: They're in Australia.
556
00:14:06,939 --> 00:14:09,406
>> LINA: Oh.
557
00:14:09,408 --> 00:14:10,774
You're a crazy person.
558
00:14:10,776 --> 00:14:11,775
You're totally a crazy person.
559
00:14:11,777 --> 00:14:13,010
>> STACEY: I'm not crazy.
560
00:14:13,012 --> 00:14:15,412
They're crazy, you know?
561
00:14:15,414 --> 00:14:16,847
They've never once had me over
562
00:14:16,849 --> 00:14:17,848
to this place.
563
00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:19,416
They've never asked me inside.
564
00:14:19,418 --> 00:14:20,517
So...
565
00:14:20,519 --> 00:14:22,619
I wave to them, like, all the
566
00:14:22,621 --> 00:14:23,687
time.
567
00:14:23,689 --> 00:14:25,522
And to never invite me in?
568
00:14:25,524 --> 00:14:27,291
That's kind of insane.
569
00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:30,027
>> LINA: Hmm.
570
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:31,628
They do sound like really rude
571
00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:34,631
people.
572
00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:36,633
Kind of really want to check out
573
00:14:36,635 --> 00:14:37,868
the rest of this rude house.
574
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:38,802
>> JAY: You have a problem.
575
00:14:38,804 --> 00:14:39,703
>> NELSON: It wasn't me!
576
00:14:39,705 --> 00:14:41,371
>> JAY: Okay, fine, if it wasn't
577
00:14:41,373 --> 00:14:42,206
you, tell me who it was.
578
00:14:42,208 --> 00:14:43,040
>> NELSON: I-I don't know.
579
00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:44,708
>> JAY: I'm sick of you lying to
580
00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:45,342
me, by the way.
581
00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:46,109
>> NELSON: Just go away.
582
00:14:46,111 --> 00:14:47,044
>> JAY: All right, stop talking
583
00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:47,845
to me that way, okay?
584
00:14:47,847 --> 00:14:48,612
I'm your dad, all right?
585
00:14:48,614 --> 00:14:49,947
This conversation-- it isn't
586
00:14:49,949 --> 00:14:51,515
over, buddy.
587
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:52,516
I'm not getting through to him,
588
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:53,617
man; I tried to be reasonable,
589
00:14:53,619 --> 00:14:54,551
but... I don't know, he just
590
00:14:54,553 --> 00:14:55,552
shut down and kept saying,
591
00:14:55,554 --> 00:14:56,553
"I didn't do it."
592
00:14:56,555 --> 00:14:57,554
Typical.
593
00:14:57,556 --> 00:14:58,555
>> RUSS: Maybe you shouldn't
594
00:14:58,557 --> 00:15:00,490
blame him.
595
00:15:00,492 --> 00:15:01,825
>> JAY: You mean like it's his
596
00:15:01,827 --> 00:15:03,160
mother's fault?
597
00:15:03,162 --> 00:15:05,062
Yeah, I thought about that.
598
00:15:05,064 --> 00:15:06,396
She's insane.
599
00:15:06,398 --> 00:15:07,397
Why the hell did I breed with
600
00:15:07,399 --> 00:15:10,567
her?
601
00:15:10,569 --> 00:15:12,236
>> AJ: How long has Shep been in
602
00:15:12,238 --> 00:15:13,237
there?
603
00:15:13,239 --> 00:15:14,238
>> JESS: He's a great
604
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:15,405
negotiator; he's probably
605
00:15:15,407 --> 00:15:17,341
working some magic.
606
00:15:17,343 --> 00:15:18,842
>> AJ: Yeah.
607
00:15:18,844 --> 00:15:20,010
At this point, he's known her
608
00:15:20,012 --> 00:15:22,312
longer than I have.
609
00:15:22,314 --> 00:15:23,547
>> JESS: What are you doing,
610
00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:25,582
man?
611
00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:30,888
>> AJ: I don't know.
612
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:32,055
Having fun.
613
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,056
>> JESS: Maybe it's time to try
614
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,691
someone your own age.
615
00:15:34,693 --> 00:15:35,993
>> AJ: That is hilarious, coming
616
00:15:35,995 --> 00:15:36,994
from you.
617
00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,095
>> JESS: Don't compare your shit
618
00:15:38,097 --> 00:15:39,596
to me and Shep, okay?
619
00:15:39,598 --> 00:15:40,764
Because we're married.
620
00:15:40,766 --> 00:15:41,832
We have a kid.
621
00:15:41,834 --> 00:15:43,267
We are real.
622
00:15:43,269 --> 00:15:44,935
>> AJ: Yeah, you're a perfect
623
00:15:44,937 --> 00:15:45,936
wife in a perfect marriage.
624
00:15:45,938 --> 00:15:46,937
>> JESS: Shut up.
625
00:15:46,939 --> 00:15:49,106
Right now.
626
00:15:49,108 --> 00:15:51,675
>> AJ: I had real.
627
00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:54,878
Real took half my shit.
628
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,180
(door opens, closes)
629
00:15:57,182 --> 00:15:59,182
>> SHEPARD: Come on, April.
630
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:00,217
Here we go.
631
00:16:00,219 --> 00:16:01,218
>> AJ: Hey.
632
00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:02,219
>> SHEPARD: Here's what's gonna
633
00:16:02,221 --> 00:16:03,220
happen: she's gonna get into a
634
00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:04,221
cab.
635
00:16:04,223 --> 00:16:05,222
You're gonna take back what you
636
00:16:05,224 --> 00:16:06,556
said about her hair, and you're
637
00:16:06,558 --> 00:16:07,557
gonna fly her mother out for
638
00:16:07,559 --> 00:16:08,558
Easter like you promised, all
639
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,060
right?
640
00:16:10,062 --> 00:16:11,695
>> APRIL: And, uh, there's no
641
00:16:11,697 --> 00:16:13,864
more toilet paper.
642
00:16:13,866 --> 00:16:14,865
>> SHEPARD: Can we please go
643
00:16:14,867 --> 00:16:16,199
eat?
644
00:16:16,201 --> 00:16:17,200
(Jess sighs)
645
00:16:17,202 --> 00:16:19,202
>> AJ: Thanks for the talk.
646
00:16:25,376 --> 00:16:26,376
>> RUSS: Hey.
647
00:16:26,378 --> 00:16:27,377
>> NELSON: Hey.
648
00:16:27,379 --> 00:16:28,378
>> RUSS: Look, uh, it's none of
649
00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:29,379
my business, but I overheard you
650
00:16:29,381 --> 00:16:30,213
talking to...
651
00:16:30,215 --> 00:16:32,716
>> NELSON: I didn't do anything.
652
00:16:32,718 --> 00:16:34,785
>> RUSS: Cool.
653
00:16:37,555 --> 00:16:38,722
>> NELSON: Hey, can I ask you
654
00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:39,723
something?
655
00:16:39,725 --> 00:16:40,724
>> RUSS: Sure.
656
00:16:40,726 --> 00:16:42,259
>> NELSON: My dad says I'm sick.
657
00:16:42,261 --> 00:16:43,427
Am I?
658
00:16:43,429 --> 00:16:44,728
>> RUSS: Wow, dude.
659
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:46,063
If you're sick, then I am
660
00:16:46,065 --> 00:16:47,097
terminal.
661
00:16:47,099 --> 00:16:48,098
When I was your age,
662
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:51,134
I watched... a lot of stuff.
663
00:16:53,738 --> 00:16:55,739
>> NELSON: Do you still watch?
664
00:16:55,741 --> 00:16:57,107
>> RUSS: Yeah.
665
00:16:57,109 --> 00:16:58,342
I'm a lifer.
666
00:16:58,344 --> 00:16:59,910
>> NELSON: But you're married.
667
00:16:59,912 --> 00:17:02,012
Your wife's so hot.
668
00:17:02,014 --> 00:17:03,180
You can have sex with her
669
00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:04,414
whenever you want; what do you
670
00:17:04,416 --> 00:17:07,084
need porn for?
671
00:17:07,086 --> 00:17:08,752
>> RUSS: You stay gold, Ponyboy.
672
00:17:08,754 --> 00:17:09,753
Okay?
673
00:17:09,755 --> 00:17:12,622
You stay gold.
674
00:17:12,624 --> 00:17:15,459
Do you have any idea that you
675
00:17:15,461 --> 00:17:17,194
live in, like, a historical
676
00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:18,295
house?
677
00:17:18,297 --> 00:17:20,297
>> NELSON: No.
678
00:17:20,299 --> 00:17:23,200
(Russ speaking indistinctly)
679
00:17:23,202 --> 00:17:25,602
(Lina and Stacey sigh, chuckle)
680
00:17:25,604 --> 00:17:26,703
>> STACEY: What does it taste
681
00:17:26,705 --> 00:17:27,704
like?
682
00:17:27,706 --> 00:17:29,473
>> LINA: This one's winey-er.
683
00:17:29,475 --> 00:17:31,541
(both laughing)
684
00:17:31,543 --> 00:17:33,610
Look at the legs.
685
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:37,114
I don't know, my dad, he's...
686
00:17:37,116 --> 00:17:39,449
he was kind of-- well, he is--
687
00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:42,319
kind of a hermit.
688
00:17:42,321 --> 00:17:43,954
He doesn't have a phone.
689
00:17:43,956 --> 00:17:45,389
We don't talk.
690
00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:46,556
He cuts hair somewhere under a
691
00:17:46,558 --> 00:17:47,724
fake name.
692
00:17:47,726 --> 00:17:48,825
It's weird.
693
00:17:48,827 --> 00:17:49,826
>> STACEY: That is weird.
694
00:17:49,828 --> 00:17:50,827
>> LINA: I know.
695
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,062
>> STACEY: Wow.
696
00:17:52,064 --> 00:17:53,063
>> LINA: I don't know, maybe
697
00:17:53,065 --> 00:17:55,565
it's... maybe it's in my blood.
698
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:58,235
Maybe it's genetic.
699
00:17:58,237 --> 00:18:01,004
I totally see it in Maya.
700
00:18:01,006 --> 00:18:03,240
>> STACEY: Well... schizophrenia
701
00:18:03,242 --> 00:18:05,175
and colon cancer.
702
00:18:05,177 --> 00:18:06,510
That's what my kids have to look
703
00:18:06,512 --> 00:18:07,511
forward to.
704
00:18:07,513 --> 00:18:11,348
(both laughing)
705
00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:12,349
(snorts) Ow.
706
00:18:12,351 --> 00:18:13,216
>> LINA: Do you have good
707
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,051
insurance?
708
00:18:14,053 --> 00:18:15,152
(alarm chimes)
709
00:18:15,154 --> 00:18:16,153
(Lina gasps)
710
00:18:16,155 --> 00:18:17,154
>> STACEY: Oh, shit.
711
00:18:17,156 --> 00:18:18,221
>> LINA: Shit.
712
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:20,657
(indistinct chatter)
713
00:18:20,659 --> 00:18:22,726
(shrieks)
714
00:18:34,872 --> 00:18:37,941
(alarm chimes)
715
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:40,944
(both giggling)
716
00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:42,546
>> LINA: Oh, okay.
717
00:18:42,548 --> 00:18:46,216
>> RUSS: What... is happening?
718
00:18:46,218 --> 00:18:48,218
>> STACEY: Oh.
719
00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:49,853
What are you doing next Tuesday?
720
00:18:49,855 --> 00:18:50,854
>> LINA: Oh, I don't know.
721
00:18:50,856 --> 00:18:51,855
What are you thinking?
722
00:18:51,857 --> 00:18:52,856
>> STACEY: Um, there's a lot of
723
00:18:52,858 --> 00:18:54,024
empty places around here this
724
00:18:54,026 --> 00:18:55,892
time of year.
725
00:18:55,894 --> 00:18:58,728
>> LINA: You're so crazy.
726
00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:01,398
>> STACEY: I know.
727
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,532
>> NELSON: Your wife's super
728
00:19:02,534 --> 00:19:04,201
hot.
729
00:19:04,203 --> 00:19:05,202
>> RUSS: Oh, thanks.
730
00:19:05,204 --> 00:19:07,637
Yeah, so's your mom.
731
00:19:07,639 --> 00:19:09,873
I just meant she's fit.
732
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:11,041
It's not...
733
00:19:11,043 --> 00:19:12,209
I'm not being weird, I...
734
00:19:12,211 --> 00:19:13,310
I think she's got a great body,
735
00:19:13,312 --> 00:19:16,713
that's it.
736
00:19:16,715 --> 00:19:18,048
>> LINA: Think I made a friend
737
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:19,049
today.
738
00:19:19,051 --> 00:19:20,050
>> RUSS: Yeah?
739
00:19:20,052 --> 00:19:22,385
Me, too.
740
00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:23,887
>> LINA: You liked Jay?
741
00:19:23,889 --> 00:19:24,921
>> RUSS: No, that guy was a dud.
742
00:19:24,923 --> 00:19:26,723
But Nelson was very cool.
743
00:19:26,725 --> 00:19:28,091
The four of us should hang out
744
00:19:28,093 --> 00:19:29,392
sometime.
745
00:19:29,394 --> 00:19:30,560
Cool kid.
746
00:19:30,562 --> 00:19:32,496
>> LINA: You're an idiot.
747
00:19:35,066 --> 00:19:36,733
>> WAITRESS: You are gonna love
748
00:19:36,735 --> 00:19:38,068
our bar menu.
749
00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:40,403
Today's slider trio is pork,
750
00:19:40,405 --> 00:19:43,740
salmon and portobello mushroom.
751
00:19:43,742 --> 00:19:46,343
>> SHEPARD: I would like a,
752
00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:48,011
uh... I'd like an egg white
753
00:19:48,013 --> 00:19:49,913
frittata.
754
00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:50,914
>> WAITRESS: I'm really sorry,
755
00:19:50,916 --> 00:19:51,915
brunch is over.
756
00:19:51,917 --> 00:19:53,016
>> SHEPARD: I know, I know.
757
00:19:53,018 --> 00:19:54,684
I would just like the record to
758
00:19:54,686 --> 00:19:56,453
reflect I wanted an egg
759
00:19:56,455 --> 00:19:57,454
frittata.
760
00:19:57,456 --> 00:19:59,756
(Jess scoffs)
761
00:19:59,758 --> 00:20:02,792
>> AJ: No chance of eggs?
46420
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