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>> RECEPTIONIST: Ella Bowman?
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00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,021
Hi, uh, Ella, can I talk to your
mom?
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00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,689
>> ELLA: Okay. Hey, Mom.
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00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,792
>> RECEPTIONIST: It says that,
uh, the bookkeeper would like
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00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,461
>> LINA: Well, we're just here
to get her braces tightened.
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00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,196
>> RECEPTIONIST: I don't deal
with the billing, okay?
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00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,865
I'm just dealing with the
scheduling.
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00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:36,201
So we'll just get her
braces tightened and then jump
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in and talk to the bookkeeper.
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00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,204
>> RECEPTIONIST: Not this time.
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00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:42,207
>> LINA: What kind of animal
doesn't even tighten a girl's
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00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,208
braces?
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00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,210
>> RUSS: They really refused to
see her?
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00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,546
>> LINA: Yeah. They said no more
adjustments until we square up.
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00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,547
I can't even believe that.
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00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,982
>> RUSS: That is so not cool.
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00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,984
>> LINA: They didn't even call
first.
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00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:53,986
I'm just standing in there like
an idiot.
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00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:57,222
It was so embarrassing. I'm...
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00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,425
What?
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00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,627
>> RUSS: They might have called.
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00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,738
>> LINA: (sighs) If the braces
don't get tightened, then they
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00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,406
can't do anything.
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00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,076
They're just metal in her mouth.
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00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,911
What about calling Bernie?
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00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:19,912
I mean, doesn't he owe us...
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00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:21,413
>> RUSS: Stop. Stop.
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00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,782
I'm lucky to have a friend who
throws me extra work.
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00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,085
It's not cool for me to harass
him every time he's behind.
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00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,586
>> LINA: Who cares if it's cool?
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We're too broke to be cool.
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>> RUSS: Being broke is cool.
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>> LINA: In your 20s.
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00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:35,027
>> RUSS: Well, I can still pull
it off.
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00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:36,261
>> LINA: You sure about that?
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00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,764
>> RUSS: Maybe you should call
Jess.
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00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:42,468
She offered to help you with
your résumé.
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00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:46,772
(Lina groans)
>> LINA: Okay, I know I have to
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00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,607
get a job.
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00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,276
I just...
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00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,278
(sighs)
I'll call Jess.
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00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:02,287
(whirring)
>> RUSS: Hey.
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00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,455
Bernie!
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00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,490
>> BERNIE: Oh, hey.
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00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:05,791
>> RUSS: Hey, uh, you got a sec?
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00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,627
I just feel like all the
pressure's on me, you know?
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00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,296
If we can't afford something,
it's automatically my fault.
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00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,332
>> BERNIE: I thought Lina said
she was going back to work.
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00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,334
>> RUSS: Yeah, I thought so,
too.
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00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,469
She said she would, but it never
happened.
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00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,571
>> BERNIE: Cindy said there'd be
anal on the honeymoon.
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00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,074
>> RUSS: Was there?
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00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:24,076
>> BERNIE: Not on the honeymoon.
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00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:29,081
>> RUSS: Hey, um...
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00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:32,651
...about the final payment.
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00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,653
I'm sorry. I hate to bug you
about it.
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00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,655
>> BERNIE: Yeah, no, you're not
bugging me.
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00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,423
It's, uh... just is a tough one.
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00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,425
Uh, I'm having trouble
collecting from the client.
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00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:43,662
But I promise you, as soon as I
get paid, you'll get paid.
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00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,664
>> RUSS: Any idea when that
might be?
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00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,665
Just kind of ballpark?
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00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,666
>> BERNIE: That's the thing.
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00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,668
He's not even responding to my
e-mails.
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00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,337
I'm starting to think I should,
uh, maybe mark them urgent.
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00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,673
But I don't know if I want to be
that guy.
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00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,675
>> RUSS: Maybe it might take
more than an e-mail.
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00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,676
>> BERNIE: Oh.
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00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,545
Like, I should text him? Oh.
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00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,547
>> RUSS: No, I was thinking
something different.
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00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:07,553
>> BERNIE: What do you have in
mind?
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00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:08,687
I'm warning you.
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00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,023
This can be a really difficult
client.
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00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:14,293
(knocking)
>> RUSS: If the braces don't get
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00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,529
tightened, then it's just metal
in her mouth.
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00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,531
>> FRAT BROTHER: Dude, I wish I
could help you out, but it's
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00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,532
midterms.
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00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,535
>> FRAT BROTHER: So it's just,
like, real stressful times, man,
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00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,536
you know?
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00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,538
>> RUSS: What are you talking
about?
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00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,539
We all... I have stress.
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00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,540
I have a wife and kids.
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00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,542
>> BERNIE: You have to settle
your account.
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00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,578
>> FRAT BROTHER: Look, I totally
feel y'all.
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00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,047
But the treasurer is the only
guy who can cut the checks, and
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00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,415
I'm not the treasurer.
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00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:40,219
You should send an e-mail to
Doogie-- he's our treasurer.
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00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,254
>> BERNIE: Doogie has to check
his inbox more often.
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00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,057
>> RUSS: So when can we sit
down with Doogie, face-to-face?
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00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,091
>> FRAT BROTHER: I don't know.
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00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:49,328
Maybe after midterms.
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00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,396
>> RUSS: Can I bum a smoke?
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00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,899
>> BERNIE: Okay, so I sent
Doogie a friend request, and now
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00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,667
I'm tweeting him.
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00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,403
I'm gonna cover all the bases.
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00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,905
>> RUSS: They're laughing at us.
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00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,240
>> BERNIE: Who?
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00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:02,241
>> RUSS: All of 'em.
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00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,742
These frat guys.
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00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,410
Doogie.
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00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:08,513
I mean, even those cute girls
over there.
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00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,450
We're the old dudes that we used
to laugh at.
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00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:15,587
(girls giggling)
>> BERNIE: Are we funny?
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00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,423
>> RUSS: Yeah, we're hilarious.
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(baby crying)
>> JESS: Didn't you do, like,
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some volunteer work at the
school?
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00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,932
>> LINA: Um, I was Class Mom,
but it's kind of embarrassing to
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00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,367
put that on a résumé.
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00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,434
>> JESS: Hold on.
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Oh, you need this?
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I think you should put him down.
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(cooing)
(sighs) Um, okay.
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00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:38,610
Well, what can we put on here?
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00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,778
>> LINA: I don't know.
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00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,447
I once flew by myself with all
three kids... while I was
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00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,982
breastfeeding.
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00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,450
>> JESS: That's a baller move.
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00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,553
Not something that I would
consider résumé material.
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00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:50,822
>> LINA: What if I start my own
business?
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00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,824
(Jess groans)
What about that?
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00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:53,959
I could do calligraphy.
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00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,127
Or I could make jewelry.
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00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,128
>> JESS: Those aren't real jobs.
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00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,129
>> LINA: Yeah, they are.
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00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,130
>> JESS: No, those are not.
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00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,299
Those are rich white lady
hobbies.
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00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:01,466
>> LINA: I'm white.
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00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,635
>> JESS: That's about it.
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00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,971
Weren't you, like, a VP at your
last job?
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00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,306
>> LINA: That was forever ago.
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00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:08,473
>> JESS: Just... Is it...
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00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,475
I feel bad, but was it
insurance?
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00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,677
>> LINA: Payroll.
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00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,178
>> JESS: Payroll.
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00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:20,319
Well... would you ever consider
going back there?
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00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,321
>> LINA: Did Russ tell you to
ask me that?
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00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:23,322
>> JESS: No.
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00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:24,323
>> LINA: He didn't?
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00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:25,324
>> JESS: No.
140
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,659
>> LINA: He didn't tell you to
ask me that?
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00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,829
>> JESS: You're so scary.
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00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,332
>> LINA: Did he call you and ask
you to ask me if I would
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00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:36,935
consider going back to my old
job?
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00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,837
>> JESS: He might have texted.
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00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,106
He's just... We're trying to
help you.
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00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:44,543
>> LINA: (sighs) Yeah, thanks.
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00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,178
I don't understand.
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00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,348
So we're waiting on a guy named
Doogie?
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00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,349
>> RUSS: Yes.
150
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,351
>> LINA: Because he's the
treasurer?
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00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,353
>> RUSS: He's in midterms right
now.
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00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:59,191
And apparently they're, like,
40% of his grade or something.
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00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,192
I don't know.
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00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:03,528
Don't worry. I'm on it.
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00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:08,300
(Lina sighs)
Mm, um, how did your meeting
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00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:09,534
with Jess go?
157
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,535
>> LINA: Mm.
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00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,536
You know how it went.
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00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,538
>> RUSS: What is that supposed
to mean?
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00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,806
>> LINA: Oh, please.
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00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,309
You think I don't know that you
and Jess were talking about me
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00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:20,045
going back to work for Weberman?
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00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,213
>> RUSS: What?
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00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,715
>> LINA: Yeah, I don't
appreciate you and your friend
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00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,317
trying to plan my life.
166
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:27,319
>> RUSS: We weren't planning
anything.
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00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:32,224
>> RUSS: It's just... you made
really good money with Weberman.
168
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,558
>> LINA: I was miserable.
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00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,559
>> RUSS: Come on.
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00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,560
It wasn't that bad.
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00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,729
>> LINA: You didn't have to do
it.
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00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,399
I went through that shit for a
reason, to support you while you
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00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,667
got your shit together.
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00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:43,668
>> RUSS: I know.
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00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,837
And I did get my shit together.
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00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,072
For a while.
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00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:52,411
And hopefully I'll get my shit
together again someday.
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00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,413
Babe, we're screwed.
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00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,581
>> LINA: I know.
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00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,518
>> RUSS: Can you just... call
him?
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00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,853
Set up a lunch or something?
182
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,956
Please?
183
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,325
>> LINA: I hate you.
184
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,831
I don't hate you.
185
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,601
I just hate my life.
186
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,437
And my life is you.
187
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,438
>> RUSS: Is this foreplay?
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00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,439
>> LINA: Duh.
189
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,507
(Russ chuckles)
>> JESS: Look, I get it.
190
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,149
After I had Harrison, the very
last thing I wanted to do was to
191
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,150
go back to work.
192
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,120
I loved being at home with him
and the nannies.
193
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:43,061
But then Shep got fired, and I
had to step it up.
194
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,062
Oh.
195
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,063
>> LINA: Hello, old boss.
196
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,566
>> JESS: Do you work in an
airplane?
197
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,835
Is your old boss a pilot?
198
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:51,837
>> LINA: This is the worst,
right?
199
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,171
>> JESS: Try this on.
200
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,507
>> LINA: No. This is in the same
family.
201
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:58,076
I feel like...
202
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,845
God, I'm so bummed.
203
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:03,515
We were gonna run the surf
shop, and the kids were gonna
204
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:06,151
run around and hang out and do
homework, and then, when they
205
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,186
went to college, we were gonna
sell it and travel the whole
206
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,421
entire world together.
207
00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:12,157
>> JESS: Yeah. I mean, I married
a sugar daddy who ran out of
208
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,158
sugar.
209
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,159
How about that?
210
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:17,496
(Lina laughs)
>> LINA: Yeah, we have no surf
211
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:23,001
I have to have stupid lunch with
my stupid old boss wearing a
212
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,002
stupid dress.
213
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,205
>> OLD MAN: You should try it
on.
214
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,207
>> LINA (whispering): And we're
gonna get murdered.
215
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,209
>> JESS: Oh, my God.
216
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,210
Try that on.
217
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,579
And I'm gonna go mingle.
218
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,351
>> BERNIE: This seems a bit
much, don't you think?
219
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,219
Do we really need an enforcer?
220
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,220
>> RUSS: Relax. He's cool.
221
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,221
>> ANGEL: This is my thing.
222
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:51,530
I know how to talk to the young
people.
223
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,531
>> KAMAL: Hey. What's up?
224
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,533
>> ANGEL: What you drinking
there, brother?
225
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,368
>> KAMAL: You guys want a cold
one?
226
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,236
>> ANGEL: No, no, no, no, drugs
and alcohol aren't the answer
227
00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,137
for me anymore.
228
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,138
I found something better.
229
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,139
>> KAMAL: Pills.
230
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,041
>> ANGEL: You think that's
funny?
231
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,876
Let me tell you a little story
about how I took my life back.
232
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,711
>> RUSS: You know what? Maybe
let's-let's not do the story?
233
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,546
>> ANGEL: No story?
234
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,247
>> RUSS: No. We're here for
Doogie.
235
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,149
>> ANGEL: Right, right, right,
right, Doogie, yeah.
236
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,051
Yeah, we're looking for a
brother named Doogie.
237
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,052
>> KAMAL: I haven't seen him.
238
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,054
>> ANGEL: You sure about that?
239
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:23,094
>> KAMAL: I heard he was hooking
up with some skank in Thurston.
240
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,095
>> RUSS: Thurston?
241
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,097
>> KAMAL: Yeah, the skanks'
dorm.
242
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,098
It's across the quad.
243
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,734
>> BERNIE: They have a whole
dorm for skanks?
244
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,737
>> KAMAL: Skanks. You know,
girls, chicks, whores.
245
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,773
>> RUSS: All girls are skanks
here?
246
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,409
>> KAMAL: It's college.
247
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,444
>> ANGEL: See, it starts with a
casual beer.
248
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,780
Then some weed.
249
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,114
Maybe a couple lines.
250
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,951
Next thing you know, you're
waking up in jail in a
251
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,119
wheelchair with only three toes
on your left foot.
252
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,689
>> BERNIE: That's really
specific.
253
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:54,092
>> RUSS: All girls are skanks
here?
254
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,095
(scoffs)
That's not cool.
255
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:03,768
I'm-I'm paying for piano lessons
and spending five grand on
256
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:08,940
braces so they can go to college
and be called skanks.
257
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,942
>> ANGEL: Five grand?
258
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,445
What, are you getting braces for
the whole family?
259
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:14,446
That's white people prices.
260
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,548
>> BERNIE: There are brown
people prices?
261
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:19,317
>> ANGEL: The ortho in my hood--
he charges half that.
262
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:22,387
White people always paying too
much for shit.
263
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,389
>> BERNIE: What do you pay for
cable?
264
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,391
>> LINA: I think I should just
go to grad school.
265
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,393
I should take one of those
tests.
266
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,795
I should take, like, the MCAT
or the LSAT or the GMAT.
267
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,797
I think I should cancel this
lunch and go to a Kaplan course.
268
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,799
>> JESS: What are you talking
about?
269
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,801
>> LINA: Nothing. I'm not
talking about anything.
270
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,802
God, there he is.
271
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,803
That's him. That's him.
272
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:39,804
>> JESS: What?
273
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,805
>> LINA: That's him.
274
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:41,806
>> JESS: Just relax.
275
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:42,974
>> LINA: I can't relax.
276
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,809
I can't because I'm getting
nauseous just even thinking
277
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,811
about his day-old breath.
278
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,580
Weberman has the worst breath.
279
00:10:48,582 --> 00:10:50,582
>> JESS: Okay, you need to go in
there.
280
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:52,584
>> LINA: All right, I'm gonna
go.
281
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:54,586
>> JESS: Just get it all
together and march it in.
282
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:55,587
>> LINA: All right.
283
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:56,588
>> JESS: Uh-uh.
284
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,591
I'm feeling really sick to my
stomach, and I think I'm gonna
285
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:01,593
vomit, and I can always tell
when I'm gonna vomit.
286
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,594
>> JESS: Okay, okay, okay...
287
00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:05,597
>> JESS: You know what? You just
need something to take the edge
288
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:06,598
off.
289
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,500
(Lina groans)
Take some deep breaths, I got
290
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:09,434
the rest.
291
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:17,709
>> AJ: So, he's just inside
there waiting for you?
292
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,844
>> LINA: Yeah.
293
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,186
>> RUSS: Excuse me.
294
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,522
We're looking for a guy named
Doogie.
295
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:31,690
>> GUARD: Is he a resident?
296
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:34,125
>> BERNIE: We understand that
he's upstairs... tapping a
297
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,126
skank?
298
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,296
>> GUARD: Sorry. Can't let you
upstairs.
299
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,298
(Russ sighs)
>> RUSS: Hi. Excuse me.
300
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:44,636
Sorry to bother you.
301
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:47,972
Uh, looking for a Zeta brother
named Doogie.
302
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,974
>> MEGAN: Doogie?
303
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,476
Doogie can kiss my ass.
304
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:52,911
>> RUSS: Great.
305
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,946
So you do know him?
306
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,384
Is everything okay?
307
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,153
>> MEGAN: He said that we were
gonna grab a bite.
308
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:06,324
Then he said that we were gonna
hook up first.
309
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,326
And then he...
310
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:12,597
>> ALISSA: He finished on her
face.
311
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,332
>> RUSS: Finished what?
312
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,334
>> ALISSA: Sex.
313
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,403
>> BERNIE: Yeah, Russ. You know,
like in the movies.
314
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,772
>> ANGEL: Mm.
315
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:24,075
Were, uh, either of you under
the influence?
316
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,244
'Cause, you know, a lot of bad
sex decisions are the product of
317
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:26,911
drugs and alcohol.
318
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,414
>> RUSS: Angel.
319
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,283
Can you tell us where he is?
320
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,452
>> MEGAN: He's back at the
house.
321
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:38,356
>> RUSS: Okay, let's go teach
that prick some manners.
322
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,258
>> AJ: Love is very complicated.
323
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,926
Work is very complicated.
324
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:46,965
That's why it is perfectly
natural to try and sabotage...
325
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,433
>> LINA: I'm not sabotaging.
326
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,434
It's not about me.
327
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,602
It's about the breath.
328
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:55,306
>> JESS: She doesn't want to
smell her old boss's breath.
329
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,941
>> AJ: I get it.
330
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:00,111
I, uh, had a lot of trouble
going back to work after the
331
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,380
divorce and made up every excuse
in the book.
332
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,649
In fact, they think I'm at my
shrink right now.
333
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:07,485
When you say "shrink," nobody
questions it.
334
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,720
>> JESS: Here's an idea.
335
00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:11,890
What if we went in and we did,
like, a breath-sniffing recon
336
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,892
where somebody went in and
sniffed just to make sure that
337
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,895
Then you won't have any
surprises, and I actually think
338
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,897
that might make you feel a lot
better.
339
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:19,898
>> LINA: I guess so.
340
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,633
>> JESS: Great. All right.
341
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,902
So, why don't you go in
and sniff it?
342
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,804
>> AJ: Wait. Why do I have to do
it?
343
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,806
>> JESS: Because my nose doesn't
even work anymore.
344
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:28,907
Old cocaine injury.
345
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:32,644
(laughs)
>> AJ: Fine. I'll do it.
346
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,646
What does he look like?
347
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,227
(urinating)
(unzips)
348
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,706
>> AJ: Hey.
349
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,208
How you doing?
350
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,243
>> WEBERMAN: Good.
351
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:11,115
(sniffing)
>> AJ (whispers): Hi.
352
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,351
(clears throat)
Hi... Oh, no, I'm not
353
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,353
interested, I'm sorry, I'm just,
I'm just using the bathroom.
354
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,889
>> WEBERMAN: No, sir, please
step back, step back, get out of
355
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,457
>> AJ: It's not inappropriate.
356
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,125
You don't know what I'm doing
right now.
357
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:22,026
>> WEBERMAN: I know what...
358
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,961
Get out of my face.
359
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,529
>> JESS: What is taking him so
long?
360
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,363
>> AJ: Don't go in there.
361
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,197
>> LINA: I don't know.
362
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,031
>> JESS: Hold on, hold...
363
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:27,866
>> LINA: What happened?
364
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,733
>> JESS: Are you okay?
365
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,001
>> LINA: Oh, my God.
366
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,402
>> AJ: I don't know about that
guy's breath, but he definitely
367
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,370
has a homophobia problem.
368
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,238
>> LINA: What did you do?
369
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,472
>> JESS: Oh, my God.
370
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,974
>> AJ: I am reporting it as a
hate crime, so don't you guys
371
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:36,975
worry about it, all right?
372
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,877
>> JESS: Right there, there he
is, right there.
373
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,478
(Lina shrieks)
>> LINA: Oh, God, oh, God, wait,
374
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,379
can he see me, can he see me?
375
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:45,216
>> WEBERMAN: Lina?
376
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,552
>> LINA: Oh, hi.
377
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,153
Hey.
378
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,722
Hi, sorry I'm late.
379
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:54,926
>> WEBERMAN: Okay, what's going
on here?
380
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,961
>> LINA: I...
381
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,900
I quit.
382
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:02,901
>> WEBERMAN: You quit...
383
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:03,902
>> LINA: I quit.
384
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:04,903
>> WEBERMAN: Wh-What?
385
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:09,073
>> AJ: Translation: take this
job and shove it up your ass,
386
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,074
you bigot.
387
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,075
>> LINA: Yeah.
388
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,076
>> WEBERMAN: What job?
389
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,945
>> JESS: Exactly, good question!
390
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:14,946
>> WEBERMAN: Hey, Lina...
391
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,514
>> AJ: Asshole!
392
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:20,919
(laughing)
That was awesome!
393
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:29,694
(Jess whoops)
Oh, oh, man.
394
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,696
(rap music playing)
>> RUSS: Do you need a sweater
395
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:36,034
or something?
396
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,435
>> MEGAN: Am I nipping out?
397
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,436
>> RUSS: What?
398
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,637
No, I was just concerned.
399
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,673
I have daughters.
400
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,211
>> MEGAN: That's him.
401
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,279
>> BERNIE: That's Doogie?
402
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,280
>> MEGAN: Yeah.
403
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,483
>> BERNIE: It appears that
Doogie has come on our faces as
404
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,484
well.
405
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,619
>> RUSS: Goddamn it.
406
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,620
>> DOOGIE: Hey, guys.
407
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,988
Welcome to Cocktoberfest.
408
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,056
>> RUSS: What the hell, man?
409
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:02,460
>> DOOGIE: Fraternity treasurer,
man-- it's part of the gig.
410
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,628
What's up, ladies?
411
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,996
>> KAMAL: Skanks in the house.
412
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:05,997
>> DOOGIE: What, what?
413
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:06,998
>> KAMAL: What?
414
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:07,999
>> RUSS: Stop doing that.
415
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,300
These aren't skanks, okay?
416
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,301
These are young women.
417
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,670
And you owe Megan some respect.
418
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,405
>> DOGGIE: Aw, babe.
419
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,141
I'm so sorry I made a mess
on you.
420
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,143
I was just feeling so jammed up,
you know?
421
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:24,482
What with midterms,
Cocktoberfest.
422
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,418
We have a Velcro wall out back.
423
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,321
>> MEGAN: I've never been on a
Velcro wall before.
424
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,322
>> ALISSA: It sounds fun.
425
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,323
>> DOOGIE: It is epic.
426
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,659
>> RUSS: It's not actually that
great at all.
427
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:35,994
What are you doing?
428
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,329
>> BERNIE: Classic skank move.
429
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,864
>> RUSS: This is such bullshit.
430
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:50,341
Angel, can you do your thing
here, please?
431
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,443
>> ANGEL: You know, if I just
had one beer, it wouldn't be
432
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:53,845
that big of a deal, right?
433
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:54,846
>> RUSS: What?
434
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,848
>> DOOGIE: One drink isn't gonna
kill you.
435
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,682
>> RUSS: No.
436
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,183
>> ANGEL: I-I got to call my
sponsor.
437
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,184
>> RUSS: No, Angel. No, no, no.
438
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,853
>> ANGEL: I'm not losing another
toe, man.
439
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:02,687
>> RUSS: We're here.
440
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,055
Angel, you got to get this guy.
441
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:10,628
>> DOOGIE: So, uh, we all cool
here?
442
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,563
>> RUSS: No, we're not cool.
443
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,532
We're not cool at all, bro.
444
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,867
Do you see these banners?
445
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,869
I designed those, okay?
446
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,570
That took a lot of work.
447
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,807
And Bernie here printed them on
reinforced vinyl, and he did a
448
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,208
really good job.
449
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,544
>> BERNIE: I-I just send 'em as
an attachment, but-but thank
450
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,812
you.
451
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:30,214
>> RUSS: So give us our goddamn
money so that I can straighten
452
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,984
my daughter's teeth so some
douche like you can jizz all
453
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:35,486
over her face someday!
454
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,555
>> DOOGIE: Not cool, man.
455
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,090
>> RUSS: Not cool?
456
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,992
Not cool. Right.
457
00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:43,728
Yeah, I don't need to be cool,
okay?
458
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,064
>> BERNIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
459
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:49,901
(partygoers gasp)
(music stops)
460
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,403
>> DOOGIE: Now, that was cool.
461
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,107
(partygoers cheering)
(music resumes)
462
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,909
>> BERNIE: Was that cool?
463
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,311
>> DOOGIE: Uh, not bad.
464
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,118
>> RUSS: Hey, weirdo.
465
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,955
(Lina gasps)
>> LINA: You scared me.
466
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,925
(both chuckle)
>> RUSS: It's creepy when you
467
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:18,596
>> LINA: (chuckles) They're just
getting so big.
468
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,099
How messed up are you?
469
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,301
>> RUSS: Normal.
470
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,136
What about you?
471
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,039
>> LINA: Same.
472
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:31,109
I really shit the bed today with
Weberman.
473
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,610
>> RUSS: Mm-hmm.
474
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,978
I heard.
475
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,714
>> LINA: Of course you did.
476
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,651
(groans)
It's not fair.
477
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,620
You are a designer.
478
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,789
You love art and designing.
479
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,225
It's your thing.
480
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,393
I don't have a thing.
481
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,895
>> RUSS: You're a good mom.
482
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,998
(Lina groans)
>> LINA: That's so lame.
483
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,735
(sighs)
Is it so pathetic that I'm
484
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:00,171
almost 40 and I don't know what
I want to be when I grow up?
485
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,305
>> RUSS: Yes.
486
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:04,008
(chuckles) I'm just k...
487
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,177
I think it's hot.
488
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,646
>> LINA: You would.
489
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,715
>> RUSS: Mmm.
490
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,353
Check out how awesome I am.
491
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:19,991
(Lina gasps)
(Russ chuckles)
492
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,759
>> LINA: It feels light.
493
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,262
>> RUSS: I may have broken some
windows.
494
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,496
>> LINA: Babe.
495
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,497
>> RUSS: I know.
496
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,598
>> LINA: What about the braces?
497
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,767
>> RUSS: I got it covered.
498
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:36,607
(Spanish music playing)
>> ELLA: They're too tight.
499
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,609
(speaking Spanish)
>> RUSS: Yeah, okay.
500
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,849
Yeah, he said he's gonna loosen
them.
501
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,217
>> ELLA: Uh... Ah.
502
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:48,219
>> RUSS: He said he's gonna
loosen them, so...
503
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,056
>> ELLA: Uh...
36274
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