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1
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My name is Happy Gilmore.
2
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Growing up, I alwayswanted to be a hockey player.
3
00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:54,583
But then 30 years ago,I picked up a golf club.
4
00:00:55,416 --> 00:00:56,375
[yelps]
5
00:00:57,875 --> 00:00:59,833
Turned out to be a pretty good decision.
6
00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:03,833
[commentator] And Happy Gilmore winsthe 98th U.S. Open.
7
00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:06,958
[Happy] I got to marrya great lady named Virginia,
8
00:01:07,041 --> 00:01:08,958
and we had a son named Gordy.
9
00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:12,250
The wins didn't always come as expected,
10
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,208
but like Grandma always said,
11
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sometimes it's betterto be lucky than good.
12
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-Oh, Lord!
-[crowd cheering]
13
00:01:20,708 --> 00:01:22,541
I made it!
14
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:26,250
Yeah, I was getting luckyin more ways than one.
15
00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,333
He shoots, he scores!
16
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:30,416
And after our fourth boy in four years,
17
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,250
Virginia had an idea for an endorsement.
18
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:36,000
Trojan. Kids are great…
19
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[kids screaming]
20
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,250
…in moderation.
21
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,500
What are you doing? Calm down!
22
00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:45,083
{\an8}I tried to get the boysinto competitive golf tournaments…
23
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,333
Follow that.
24
00:01:48,416 --> 00:01:50,958
[Happy] But their hockey instinctswere too strong.
25
00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:52,416
[indistinct shouting]
26
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:55,291
Boys, stop! Come on,
what are you doing? [groans]
27
00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:57,333
[boys shouting indistinctly]
28
00:01:57,916 --> 00:02:01,708
{\an8}[Happy] Tiger Woods had a video game,so we did a Happy Gilmore one.
29
00:02:01,791 --> 00:02:05,041
{\an8}But I think the computer guysmade it a little too realistic.
30
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,166
{\an8}[Bob] You've had enough.
31
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,833
{\an8}[Happy] Anyways, the boys lovedhow violent it was,
32
00:02:08,916 --> 00:02:11,125
but it made my little girl nervous.
33
00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,916
That's right,we finally had a little girl,
34
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,166
sweet Vienna, Mommy's new best friend.
35
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:20,541
{\an8}Oh, and I hosted Saturday Night Live
a few times. That was nice.
36
00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:22,458
{\an8}The Spice Girls are here!
37
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:23,958
Maroon 5 is here!
38
00:02:24,041 --> 00:02:28,250
{\an8}The Weeknd is here!So stick around, we'll be right back.
39
00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:31,375
Yeah, we had it all, so I told Virginia…
40
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:35,041
We should just retire
so we can hang out with the kids all day.
41
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:36,750
We're not done with golf, Happy.
42
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,250
And golf's not done with us.
43
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:42,541
It's like Chubbs used to say.
We've only just begun.
44
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:43,500
Hmm.
45
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:45,791
[Bobby] Gordy!
46
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:48,041
Oh, come on,
don't pee on the slip-n-slide.
47
00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:50,000
Appreciate your time today.
It's Mother's Day.
48
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:52,083
We honor all of the mothers
who are watching.
49
00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:53,583
Let's go real deep now!
50
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:57,625
But in golf,even when you're at the top of your game…
51
00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,583
you can always shank one.
52
00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:01,416
[gasps]
53
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,541
-[thuds]
-[crowd groan]
54
00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:04,625
[softly] Uh-oh.
55
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:11,958
After the funeral, I decidedI would never pick up a golf club again.
56
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:15,125
I was nowa single father of five children.
57
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,708
There was reallyonly one thing I could do…
58
00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,000
I'd never been a big boozer,
59
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:23,291
but alcohol was the only thingthat helped me
60
00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:26,333
{\an8}to forget what I'd doneto the sweetest woman I'd ever known.
61
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,875
{\an8}-Oh, one more thing…
-It's no good.
62
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,875
{\an8}-[Happy] The money.-[bottles clinking]
63
00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:31,958
Give me the…
64
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,708
No, no, dude! Come on, man.
65
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:38,791
[Happy] See, Virginia always handledthe finances,
66
00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:41,708
so without her,a lot of stuff fell through the cracks.
67
00:03:41,791 --> 00:03:43,416
[man] Should I smash the window?
68
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,791
[Happy] Then I caught some guytrying to break into my Ferrari.
69
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:48,625
Hey, can you hold my beer?
70
00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:50,250
Yeah. [grunts]
71
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,083
The guy wasn't a thief, he was a repo man.
72
00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:55,333
[man] Can you let me explain?
73
00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:58,291
[Happy] Turns out I didn't knowI had to renew the lease.
74
00:03:58,375 --> 00:04:01,208
The big baby sued me,and I lost everything…
75
00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:04,708
including Grandma's house,which was devastating.
76
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,375
The boys had tomove into an apartment together,
77
00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:24,125
and me and Viennafound a new place that was affordable.
78
00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:30,708
It's not the best neighborhood,but it's walkable to my new job.
79
00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:34,916
[woman over PA]
Gary, can you pick up in section 2?
80
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,791
[music playing indistinctly over speakers]
81
00:04:41,416 --> 00:04:44,666
[gulping, sighs]
82
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:48,166
Happy Gilmore.
Oh, my God, I'm such a massive fan.
83
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,083
Okay, bro, what can I help you with?
84
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:52,166
You ever hear of Maxi Sports Drink?
85
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,750
I think that's aisle four.
86
00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,916
No. It's my company, I own it.
87
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,208
I'm Frank Manatee.
88
00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,416
My real passion is this cutting-edge
golf project that I've been working on.
89
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,125
[sighs] I don't golf no more, brother.
90
00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:05,541
Cucumber juice in there?
91
00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:07,000
Sure.
92
00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:09,166
Anyway, I figured
maybe you would start golfing again
93
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,250
once you heard
how huge this league was gonna be.
94
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,500
I wish you luck, but I'm not interested.
95
00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,166
See, that's the thing.
Nobody's interested in traditional golf.
96
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,833
It's a boring sport
played by boring people.
97
00:05:18,916 --> 00:05:20,833
They ain't boring, they're my friends.
98
00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:23,458
You don't understand.
You inspired this thing, all right?
99
00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,750
And I love you,
and I'd hate to see you pass this up
100
00:05:25,833 --> 00:05:28,541
and have your life turn out
worse than it already is.
101
00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:31,375
I get it. Golf makes you tense, right?
102
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:32,791
Because the whole wife thing?
103
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,166
Get your skunk breath
out of my face, or I swear to God--
104
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,791
Or what, tough guy?
You're not gonna do a damn thing about it,
105
00:05:37,875 --> 00:05:41,458
because if you lay one finger on me,
you're going right to jail.
106
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,166
That's if I get caught.
107
00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:45,916
[Linda] Operations.
108
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,291
Hey, Linda, can you turn
the security cameras off for 90 seconds?
109
00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:52,708
[indistinct muffled shouting]
110
00:05:52,791 --> 00:05:55,625
[muffled screaming]
111
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:05,625
Seven, eight. Fouetté, fouetté. Finish.
112
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:10,208
Great. Arms, fifth. Soutenu.
113
00:06:11,541 --> 00:06:13,750
Fouetté, fouetté.
114
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,625
Arms, fifth.
115
00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:21,750
Soutenu. Chaîné, chaîné.
116
00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:23,958
And arabesque.
117
00:06:25,416 --> 00:06:26,500
Look at that.
118
00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:28,250
-Daddy!
-[chuckles]
119
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:29,833
[Happy] Hey, Vienna.
120
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:34,666
Oh, with the kicks!
Hey. The Rockettes are here.
121
00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:37,250
[Vienna] Glad you're home.
122
00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:39,416
You were a clue on Jeopardy!
Let me show you.
123
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,791
Really?
124
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:42,541
Okay. Hi.
125
00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:43,541
Hi.
126
00:06:43,625 --> 00:06:45,250
How'd my girl do today?
127
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:48,916
Great. Beyond great.
She needs a better teacher than me.
128
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,083
-Look.
-[Happy] Yeah.
129
00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:52,750
[Ken] With his amazing long drivesand hockey player's temper,
130
00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:58,000
{\an8}this golfer won the first of his sixTour Championships in 1996. Carter?
131
00:06:58,083 --> 00:06:59,375
{\an8}Who is Happy Goldberg?
132
00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:01,166
{\an8}[Ken] Sorry, no. Ling.
133
00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,875
{\an8}Who is Happy Gudenstein?
134
00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:04,791
{\an8}[Ken] Nope. Jana.
135
00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:07,458
{\an8}Who is Skippy Goldenbaum?
136
00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:09,291
{\an8}-[buzzer sounds]
-That is incorrect.
137
00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:12,458
He is Jewish,
but we were looking for Happy Gilmore.
138
00:07:12,541 --> 00:07:13,875
At least he knew it.
139
00:07:13,958 --> 00:07:15,750
I'm making your grandma's
brisket for dinner.
140
00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:16,833
The boys are coming.
141
00:07:16,916 --> 00:07:18,833
Okay, good. Good, I can't wait.
142
00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:22,166
What do you mean, a better teacher?
Are you quitting?
143
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,375
No, but I work at the Boys and Girls Club.
144
00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:26,666
She's light years
beyond anyone else I ever taught.
145
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,541
So what? Where should she go?
146
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,083
The Paris Opera Ballet School.
147
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:33,041
Where's that? Around here?
148
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,208
-It's in Paris.
-[sighs]
149
00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:38,083
They only have four slots open each year.
150
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,958
I sent them the videos of Vienna,
151
00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:41,916
and they're saving
one of the slots for her.
152
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,291
Is it free?
153
00:07:44,791 --> 00:07:46,125
How much is it?
154
00:07:47,041 --> 00:07:48,875
$75,000 a year.
155
00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:55,333
I marinated the brisket in ketchup all day
like you said Grandma used to.
156
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:56,750
Absolutely incredible.
157
00:07:56,833 --> 00:07:57,916
You crushed it, Vivi.
158
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,083
Vienna, you're gonna
have to make more. I'm starving.
159
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,291
Easy, Bobby. Make your own.
160
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,916
-Terry, how about I make you cry?
-Are you freaking kidding?
161
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,166
-Yeah! Strangle him! Use it!
-[clamoring]
162
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,125
Put the fork down! Not the fork.
163
00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,500
We fight in the basement,
not at the table.
164
00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:12,000
-Sorry, Daddy.
-Sorry.
165
00:08:12,083 --> 00:08:13,250
It's all right.
166
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,666
How's work going, boys?
167
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:18,000
I gotta say, Pop,
I'm loving the road crew.
168
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:19,916
[all laughing]
169
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,625
I'm killing it at the car wash.
170
00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:23,458
[all laughing]
171
00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:25,958
I'm going for Employee of the Month
at the drugstore.
172
00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,291
[laughing] Whoop, whoop, whoop.
173
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,333
I've been keeping the sky safe
at the airport.
174
00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:33,250
-[all laughing]
-[loud thud]
175
00:08:34,916 --> 00:08:35,833
Dude!
176
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,458
You guys wouldn't have to be working
if I didn't lose all our money.
177
00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:41,833
-We don't need no money.
-Money's for snobs.
178
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:44,750
Everybody needs money
to chase their dreams.
179
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,041
You guys didn't even go to college
180
00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:50,208
because you thought you had to
stick around here and keep an eye on me.
181
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:51,583
What are you talking about?
182
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:54,291
-…we got brisket, we got hockey here.
-…we got food.
183
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:57,625
I'm just psyched you thought
any of us could get into college.
184
00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:59,083
[Terry] He's not going to college.
185
00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:00,875
[Bobby] That's what he was talking about.
186
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,750
It's a turn of phrase. Not saying--
187
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,666
Turn of phrase? You just said--
188
00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:05,791
[Gordy] Say your phrase.
189
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:06,916
[Bobby] It makes no sense.
190
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,166
[Gordy] I know what it means.
191
00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:11,375
You turn and you look at somebody
and you say some-- [laughs]
192
00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:15,416
♪ Here, it's never endingCan't remember when it started ♪
193
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:20,541
♪ Pass around the lampshadeThere'll be plenty enough room in jail ♪
194
00:09:20,625 --> 00:09:23,791
[indistinct chatter]
195
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:27,583
♪ If being wrong's a crimeI'm serving forever ♪
196
00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:31,125
♪ If being strong's your kindI need help… ♪
197
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:33,166
I'm telling you now,
I'm getting the waterbed.
198
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,291
What are you talking about?
I shottied the waterbed.
199
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,458
-[Gordy] Enough out of you.
-[Bobby] What?
200
00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,708
[Terry] You're on the floor.
You popped the waterbed.
201
00:09:39,791 --> 00:09:41,875
-Come on, let's go.
-[Happy] All right.
202
00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:44,916
-[Vienna] Night, guys. Love you.
-[Happy] Thanks for coming.
203
00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:46,791
Call me when you get there.
204
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,958
Wait a minute. How are there four of you?
205
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:54,041
Wait a minute. Who's steering?
Gordy, don't steer with your feet.
206
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,750
Chips off the old block, huh?
207
00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:57,041
[Vienna] Hey, Uncle John Daly.
208
00:09:57,125 --> 00:09:58,250
Hey, Vienna, Happy.
209
00:09:58,333 --> 00:09:59,250
Hey, pal.
210
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,333
I'm almost out of here.
I just put a down payment on a tent.
211
00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:04,500
Will you stop? I don't want you to leave.
212
00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,000
Stay as long as you need to.
213
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:08,791
I appreciate you.
You want to come watch Love Island?
214
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:12,000
I do, but I'm going to have
a couple of nightcaps
215
00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,916
and get some rest for work tomorrow.
216
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,375
Make that scratch, dog.
217
00:10:15,458 --> 00:10:17,666
Absolutely. Good night, my brother.
218
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,208
Night, night. Love you.
219
00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:20,208
[Happy] Love you.
220
00:10:20,791 --> 00:10:22,916
Oh, my God. I hope he marries her.
221
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,166
[woman on TV] She going for it.
222
00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:29,958
I should be putting you to bed.
223
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:31,791
[grunts]
224
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,875
Look, Dad, I know Miss Simon
talked to you about dance school,
225
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,166
but don't even think about it.
226
00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:41,750
When I was a teenager,
I wanted to be on the Bruins.
227
00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:43,625
This is your Bruins.
228
00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:47,333
Except you know how to dance
and I didn't know how to skate.
229
00:10:47,416 --> 00:10:50,458
Did you know Mama was a great dancer?
230
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:51,708
[Vienna] Yeah, she was.
231
00:10:52,291 --> 00:10:53,750
Get some sleep, Dad.
232
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:57,916
[Happy] Yeah, she was something else.
233
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,166
[Vienna] Good night, Dad.
234
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,083
Good night, Virginia.
235
00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:14,375
I can't believe that me in cheap lingerie
236
00:11:14,458 --> 00:11:18,333
carrying two pitchers of Moosehead
was your "happy place."
237
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,833
I'm sorry, Virginia.
238
00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:24,250
Oh, sweetie, don't worry.
I'm not here to judge your fantasies.
239
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:28,083
No, not that. I'm sorry about…
240
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,833
Killing me with a tee shot?
241
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:32,291
Come on.
242
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,291
You've apologized for that
a thousand times.
243
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:39,458
Look, Happy, I know you're worried
about the kids' futures,
244
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,250
but you've got to show them by example.
245
00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:46,375
Let them see
the Happy I fell in love with.
246
00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:48,958
-I'm not that man anymore.
-Mmm.
247
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,166
Okay. No, no, no.
248
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,083
-Please.
-No, no.
249
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,875
Can you just hold on to that
for a second, sweetie?
250
00:11:57,958 --> 00:12:02,958
Honey, you'll always be the greatest,
but you need some purpose.
251
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:05,625
So I'm gonna tell you
what I always told you.
252
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:06,875
Okay.
253
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:10,083
You're not a hockey player, Happy.
254
00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,000
You are a--
255
00:12:56,416 --> 00:12:58,750
Hey, where you going
with those clubs, punk?
256
00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:00,458
Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddie.
257
00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:02,041
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
258
00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:03,291
No, let me carry these.
259
00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:05,291
They're my grandfather's. They're old.
260
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,333
[hopeful music plays]
261
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:23,083
[music intensifies]
262
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:28,833
[music stops]
263
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:33,583
You gonna hit that?
264
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:38,958
I don't know if I can, Johnny.
265
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:41,416
How are you gonna
put Vienna through ballet school?
266
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:42,583
You know about that?
267
00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,166
Of course. You know what else I know?
268
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,833
It's $75,000 a year.
269
00:13:46,916 --> 00:13:49,500
That's four years. That's 333 grand.
270
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:53,041
That's terrible math, Johnny.
It's 300 grand.
271
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:55,541
Hey, if you can get a discount,
that's great.
272
00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:57,333
But how you gonna make that cha-ching?
273
00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:58,416
I don't know.
274
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:02,458
I thought I'd pick a few double shifts
up at the supermarket. Maybe--
275
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,958
There's only one way you can make
some big dollars fast. Grip it and rip it.
276
00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:09,166
Johnny, I wouldn't even know
where to start.
277
00:14:10,291 --> 00:14:11,375
At the bottom.
278
00:14:16,791 --> 00:14:19,083
Excuse me, I'm looking to get out there.
279
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:20,833
[man snores]
280
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:24,666
There's a threesome going out at 10:15.
You can join them. Name?
281
00:14:25,291 --> 00:14:26,375
Don't worry about it.
282
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:28,041
I won't.
283
00:14:30,666 --> 00:14:33,333
Who was that? Grizzly Adams?
284
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:36,166
I don't know who that is.
285
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,166
-[Steiner laughs]
-Is it just us three?
286
00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:40,583
No. Starter said a fourth
is playing with us.
287
00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:42,916
{\an8}-We gotta play with some random?
-[Sally] Yup.
288
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,416
{\an8}It's always some yin-yang
who plays like shit and never shuts up.
289
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,333
[Fitzy] Oh, man. Is that him?
290
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:51,000
He looks like he got a divorce
four seconds ago.
291
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,041
Are you the one that's playing with us?
292
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,333
I think so, yeah.
293
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:56,833
We like to play quick, so try to keep up?
294
00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:58,750
Got it.
295
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:02,000
-Let's get this party started?
-[Sally] Yeah.
296
00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:04,208
-[Fitzy] Yeah, let's get it started.
-Whoo!
297
00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:05,375
[speaks Spanish]
298
00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:06,958
Oh!
299
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,166
-[in English] Whoo! Cart path!
-Man!
300
00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,666
-Nice one, Fitzy.
-Hell yeah.
301
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:15,458
-[Sally exclaims]
-I will take that all day.
302
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:18,208
[Steiner] Yes, sir.
You got this, girl. Get that shit.
303
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:23,041
[Steiner whistles] Ha!
304
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:25,041
Gotta be happy with that, Sal.
305
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,166
-Top spinner. Just how I drew it up, boys.
-Mmm-hmm.
306
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,958
Check this out. [exhales]
307
00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:34,333
Xanax arms, head still.
308
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,375
Oh! [chuckles]
309
00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:41,208
-[Sally] What the hell?
-[Fitzy] Holy shit.
310
00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:43,791
[Steiner] Boom! Explosion!
311
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:45,666
That's my dog!
312
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:48,208
Mmm-hmm! Took a lesson at Golf Hut.
313
00:15:48,291 --> 00:15:50,416
-It shows, Stein-man.
-[both] Uh-huh.
314
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,291
[both grunting triumphantly]
315
00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:58,083
[exclaims triumphantly]
316
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,750
-[both chuckle]
-Man, I wish I was included in that.
317
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,916
-[Steiner] Boy.
-[Sally] He doing the Happy Gilmore swing?
318
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,125
My stupid uncle
always tries that bullshit.
319
00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:09,041
Swings and misses every time.
Pain in my ass.
320
00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:26,416
[yelps]
321
00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,750
God. He rolled further than the ball.
322
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,208
[Fitzy] Gonna be a long-ass day, my dudes.
323
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,291
["Don Quichotte" playing]
324
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:38,500
[grunts]
325
00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:45,416
-[whoops]
-[kisses]
326
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:46,333
Hell yeah!
327
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,625
Oh, eat a bag of--
328
00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,333
Did you find your ball yet?
329
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:58,916
[Happy] Yeah, I found it.
330
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:03,541
I'm just roaming around in here because
I like poison ivy, you piece of--
331
00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:06,916
{\an8}Grandma!
332
00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:14,166
-[shattering]
-Oh, choke on my dangling, wrinkly--
333
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,583
[yells]
334
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,250
[groans]
335
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:27,625
[yells]
336
00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:30,333
I don't know why,
I get so intimidated in the sand.
337
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,166
The dude from Golf Hut
said just flip it like a pancake.
338
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,500
-Flip that pancake, Sally.
-Mmm-hmm.
339
00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,208
-Nice!
-[both exclaim]
340
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,625
♪ To the window, to the walls ♪
341
00:17:41,708 --> 00:17:42,708
♪ To the walls ♪
342
00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:45,375
♪ 'Til sweat drop down my balls ♪
343
00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:47,500
♪ 'Til all these bitches crawl ♪
344
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,500
♪ 'Til all skeet-skeet, motherfucker ♪
345
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:51,666
♪ 'Til all skeet-skeet, goddamn ♪
346
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:52,708
♪ A-goddamn ♪
347
00:17:52,791 --> 00:17:54,791
["Don Quichotte" resumes]
348
00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:02,875
Nice putt, dude.
We'll put you down for a 12.
349
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,125
Yeah.
350
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:12,708
[sighs]
351
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,333
I think he thinks
the tee-marker's the ball.
352
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,708
[yelps]
353
00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:21,833
Told you.
354
00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:32,208
Hey, DJ Khaled, maybe give
the Happy Gilmore swing a rest?
355
00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:33,625
Because it ain't working.
356
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:41,541
Yo, that is Happy Gilmore.
357
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:43,500
Happy Gilmore sucks?
358
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,416
[thuds]
359
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,500
Hey, can you call fore next time?
360
00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:52,625
-[grunts]
-[shudders]
361
00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:55,125
[laughs] Fore!
362
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:57,666
[laughing]
363
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,958
-[Happy grunting]
-[Steiner] Whoa.
364
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,625
Hey, man, at least it went in.
365
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:06,708
[Happy] It did?
366
00:19:06,791 --> 00:19:09,041
[all] No! [laughing]
367
00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:12,625
Man, Happy Gilmore
is such a joke. It's sad.
368
00:19:12,708 --> 00:19:15,208
Still got to ask
for his autograph, though.
369
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:17,708
My auntie used to cream her jeans
for that fool.
370
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,458
-[laughs]
-Whoa!
371
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:23,625
[Happy] Tell your aunt I'll sign her jeans
for $300,000. [laughs]
372
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,958
I guess I'm a little rusty, gang.
373
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,708
The Stein-man recently had a lesson
at the Golf Hut.
374
00:19:31,791 --> 00:19:32,833
Yes.
375
00:19:32,916 --> 00:19:38,083
But I just, I haven't swung a club
in ten years, so, sorry.
376
00:19:38,666 --> 00:19:39,958
[groans]
377
00:19:41,958 --> 00:19:43,375
How about you, Chubbs?
378
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,500
You got any tips for me?
379
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,458
[Chubbs] Relax, do what we talked about.
380
00:19:49,541 --> 00:19:53,666
It's all in the hips,
yeah, it's all in the hips!
381
00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:54,791
It's all…
382
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:59,041
Oh, yeah. Ease the tension.
383
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:02,125
Oh. I miss you, baby.
384
00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:04,791
My man having a wet dream
we don't know about?
385
00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:07,166
[hopeful music plays]
386
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:09,750
[grunts]
387
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:14,916
[ball whizzing]
388
00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,458
[all exclaiming]
389
00:20:21,541 --> 00:20:24,416
-Oh, my God!
-Now that is some Happy Gilmore shit!
390
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,875
-Yes. Yeah.
-[Steiner] Unbelievable!
391
00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:32,291
I mean, I've hit some big ones,
but that was a freakin' rocket!
392
00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:35,541
It was, like, effortless,
but still ferocious.
393
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,916
You got to teach me how to do that, dude.
394
00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:42,583
Dude! [yelling] Dude!
395
00:20:42,666 --> 00:20:43,625
-Dude!
-Dude!
396
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,541
{\an8}Remember Happy Gilmore?He's making news on the golf course again.
397
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:50,791
{\an8}And not the good kind.
398
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,500
{\an8}He was apparently driving a golf cartwhile intoxicated last week
399
00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:55,916
{\an8}and struck another cart.
400
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,208
{\an8}-[Happy] Stein-man!-[groans]
401
00:20:57,291 --> 00:21:01,250
{\an8}Gilmore was arrested and charged withvandalism and driving under the influence.
402
00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:04,708
Prosecutors agreed to suspendthe golf-cart-related charges
403
00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:08,458
on the condition that Gilmorerefrain from any physical violence
404
00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:11,208
and attend a radicalalcohol treatment program.
405
00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:12,666
{\an8}Go Bruins!
406
00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:15,458
{\an8}He was also fired from his jobat Stop & Shop.
407
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,416
{\an8}Truly, a sad end for a sports legend.
408
00:21:21,791 --> 00:21:23,666
[man] Thanks for being with us today.
409
00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:29,958
In 1996, you were arrested for
inciting injury to persons or property,
410
00:21:30,041 --> 00:21:33,000
conspiracy to commit
vehicular manslaughter,
411
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,916
criminal menacing, and stealing a jacket.
412
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:39,250
[chuckles softly]
413
00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:42,208
At trial, you were found not guilty
by reason of insanity
414
00:21:42,291 --> 00:21:43,791
and remanded to this facility.
415
00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:46,041
-That was 29 years ago.
-[exhales]
416
00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:49,708
It feels like yesterday. [chuckles]
417
00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:51,625
Twenty-nine years is a long time,
418
00:21:51,708 --> 00:21:54,458
and so this board is inclined
to grant you your release.
419
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,875
If we were to do so, what then?
420
00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,250
Well, I'd want to give back
to the community.
421
00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:04,500
Especially the children who are,
of course, our future.
422
00:22:04,583 --> 00:22:07,833
And animals, also,
who need to be snuggled,
423
00:22:07,916 --> 00:22:10,416
and neutered with their permission,
of course.
424
00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:13,125
What about Happy Gilmore?
425
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,500
Oh, I would stay far, far away.
426
00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:17,875
Far, far away from Gilmore.
427
00:22:17,958 --> 00:22:22,625
What if you ran into him,
say, on a golf course?
428
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:26,750
I'd wave or I could nod. That's also good.
429
00:22:27,458 --> 00:22:30,458
And if he was wearing a gold jacket?
430
00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:33,958
[Verne] Incredible!
431
00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:36,916
-Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket!
-No!
432
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,125
[breathing heavily]
433
00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:45,041
I would fill a pillowcase with golf balls
and beat the piss out of him!
434
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:47,500
-I would tear the jacket off his back…
-[man] Guards.
435
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:49,458
…and shove it down his throat!
436
00:22:49,541 --> 00:22:51,291
[man] Bring this animal back to his cell!
437
00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:53,833
That is my jacket! My jacket!
438
00:22:53,916 --> 00:22:57,125
Shooter's gold! All mine! It's my gold…
439
00:22:57,916 --> 00:22:59,000
[door closes]
440
00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:01,750
Lunch? Benihana?
441
00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:02,958
-Hell yeah.
-Hell yeah.
442
00:23:05,958 --> 00:23:08,125
-[sighs]
-[indistinct chatter]
443
00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:15,583
Excuse me. Is this where
the alcohol meetings are?
444
00:23:15,666 --> 00:23:18,625
You're in the right place.
How are you feeling?
445
00:23:18,708 --> 00:23:19,833
Mmm, a little shaky.
446
00:23:19,916 --> 00:23:21,625
First five days are rough.
447
00:23:21,708 --> 00:23:24,666
Just get through today and your body
will start turning the corner.
448
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:27,833
Thank you.
And this is all on the down low, right?
449
00:23:27,916 --> 00:23:30,166
Happy freakin' Gilmore!
450
00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:34,333
I can't believe
you be hitting the bottle too!
451
00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:36,708
I guess Bessie
didn't get the down low memo.
452
00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:39,375
Yeah, that's all right.
Where's the therapist?
453
00:23:39,458 --> 00:23:41,708
He'll be here.
He likes to make an entrance.
454
00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:44,125
Mr. Gilmore?
455
00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:47,500
Holy shit.
456
00:23:48,291 --> 00:23:52,791
[laughs] As I live and breathe.
It is wonderful to see you.
457
00:23:52,875 --> 00:23:55,041
-[scoffs]
-How's Grandma?
458
00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:58,958
Grandma? Passed away maybe 15 years ago.
459
00:23:59,041 --> 00:24:02,958
Mmm. That's a shame.
I know you loved on her so much.
460
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:04,333
Yeah.
461
00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:07,333
Is that when you began abusing alcohol?
462
00:24:07,416 --> 00:24:11,333
No, no. That actually started up
after my wife got killed.
463
00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:14,958
-Mm. It's always something, isn't it?
-Mmm-hmm.
464
00:24:15,958 --> 00:24:17,166
Okay.
465
00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:19,166
Happy, why don't you come on up front?
466
00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:22,125
We have a new member here.
467
00:24:23,583 --> 00:24:27,166
Hi. I'm Happy and I'm an alcoholic.
468
00:24:27,250 --> 00:24:29,208
{\an8}Oh, we don't say alcoholic.
469
00:24:29,291 --> 00:24:30,875
{\an8}We're not scientists.
470
00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:35,541
{\an8}We're just people trying to get by.
We say "alkie". Keeps it light.
471
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,791
Uh… I'm Happy and I'm an alkie?
472
00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,458
{\an8}Say it loud and proud!
473
00:24:40,541 --> 00:24:44,041
{\an8}-Hi, I'm Happy and I'm an alkie!
-Ha-ha!
474
00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:46,125
Celebrities. They just like us.
475
00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:48,541
-Except they got a lot more cash.
-[all laugh]
476
00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:51,416
Now, Charlotte,
last week you were concerned
477
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,000
about a musical festival
you were to attend.
478
00:24:54,083 --> 00:24:55,083
How'd that work out?
479
00:24:55,666 --> 00:24:58,416
-Fine. It was a concert.
-Mmm-hmm.
480
00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,875
My friends were drinking
and offering me drinks,
481
00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,083
but I didn't have any.
482
00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:04,958
But I bet you wanted that liquor
something fierce, huh?
483
00:25:05,041 --> 00:25:06,875
I mean, I was tempted, but…
484
00:25:06,958 --> 00:25:09,666
I bet you would have kicked
your own mother in the face
485
00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:12,000
just to get a sniff of that liquor,
wouldn't you?
486
00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:13,291
Not really.
487
00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:17,833
Charlotte, if we don't stop lying,
we don't stop drinking.
488
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:19,625
Why won't you stop lying?
489
00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:21,916
Because I'm an alkie?
490
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,208
And how does a degenerate, low-life alkie
take the first step to recovery?
491
00:25:28,291 --> 00:25:29,750
By washing your car?
492
00:25:29,833 --> 00:25:32,083
Bingo! Three o'clock, Thursday?
493
00:25:32,166 --> 00:25:35,458
I got the soap, you bring the rags
and bucket, we make it a party?
494
00:25:35,541 --> 00:25:38,166
{\an8}-I'm sorry, I have a question.
-Yeah?
495
00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:42,166
{\an8}What does the car-washing
have to do with the no-drinking?
496
00:25:42,250 --> 00:25:44,041
{\an8}You're thinking. You're thinking.
497
00:25:44,125 --> 00:25:46,791
{\an8}Mr. Gilmore's up in his head
when really he should be
498
00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:49,291
{\an8}listening to me
and keeping his mouth shut.
499
00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:52,208
This is a radical
alcohol treatment program.
500
00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:55,291
{\an8}And the chief judge, my Uncle Dave,
501
00:25:55,375 --> 00:25:59,666
he told me that I can do whatever I want
with everyone in this room.
502
00:26:01,125 --> 00:26:02,458
{\an8}Check out the name tag.
503
00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:04,583
{\an8}You're in my world now, Grandma.
504
00:26:04,666 --> 00:26:06,250
{\an8}You're in my world now.
505
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:09,458
Oh, my gosh.
506
00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:14,500
[male voice]
Welcome to the future of golf.
507
00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:18,750
The greatest gamejust got a triple shot of adrenaline.
508
00:26:18,833 --> 00:26:23,166
{\an8}Experience the revolution of Maxi.
509
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,666
{\an8}-Game over, regular golf.-[laughs] Wow.
510
00:26:26,750 --> 00:26:27,958
-Pretty great.
-[Lee] So good.
511
00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:30,208
Yeah, it's something for sure. What is it?
512
00:26:30,291 --> 00:26:32,333
-I mean, what are we seeing?
-What is it?
513
00:26:32,416 --> 00:26:35,583
So, basically,
Maxi is a reimagining of golf.
514
00:26:35,666 --> 00:26:37,250
It's golf for today.
515
00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:38,958
Why is golf so boring and dumb?
516
00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:41,833
Golf was invented 800 years ago,
something like that.
517
00:26:41,916 --> 00:26:43,291
I thought about it and I was like,
518
00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:44,625
"If society could change,
519
00:26:44,708 --> 00:26:47,541
how come the rules of golf
have stayed the same?"
520
00:26:47,625 --> 00:26:49,291
And that's why I created Maxi.
521
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,041
-That's deep.
-Yeah.
522
00:26:51,125 --> 00:26:55,583
The NBA, the NFL, the NHL,
they offer the highest quality product.
523
00:26:55,666 --> 00:26:57,291
-[softly] Wow.
-And so does Maxi.
524
00:26:57,375 --> 00:26:59,708
You're saying Maxi
has the best golfers in the world?
525
00:26:59,791 --> 00:27:00,791
Oh, my God.
526
00:27:00,875 --> 00:27:03,500
-You doing okay, Frank?
-I think I'm going to die.
527
00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:05,375
That's what's up, but listen, gang,
528
00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,958
how are you going to get
these professional golfers
529
00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:09,416
to play in this new league?
530
00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:12,166
I've already got my golfers
and they're the best.
531
00:27:12,250 --> 00:27:13,916
You think they're better than the pros?
532
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,166
I don't think, Stat. I know.
533
00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:18,208
You should think about
talking to Happy Gilmore.
534
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,416
I don't know who that is.
535
00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:24,208
-[Happy] Yeah, tell that to the lobsters.
-[John] Mmm.
536
00:27:24,291 --> 00:27:26,500
Johnny, what are you doing
with those chicken wings?
537
00:27:26,583 --> 00:27:29,291
They've been in the fridge
for three weeks now, bro.
538
00:27:29,375 --> 00:27:32,541
I just put this sauce on them.
It gets rid of all the bacteria.
539
00:27:32,625 --> 00:27:35,041
Hmm. I don't know about that,
but good luck.
540
00:27:36,291 --> 00:27:38,458
When you've done that, the TV remote.
541
00:27:38,541 --> 00:27:40,833
[sighs] Always wondered
why that didn't work.
542
00:27:40,916 --> 00:27:42,500
What are you doing on that contuder?
543
00:27:42,583 --> 00:27:43,791
I'm looking for a job.
544
00:27:43,875 --> 00:27:47,166
There's a new Dairy Queen
around here. I think they're hiring.
545
00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:49,833
You're not going to make
$330,000 at no Dairy Queen.
546
00:27:49,916 --> 00:27:51,333
You know what you got to do.
547
00:27:51,416 --> 00:27:55,416
I tried the golf.
The golf didn't work out. Cuckoo clock.
548
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:58,416
Grandma's cuckoo clock?
That's sacrilegious, Daddy.
549
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:01,625
-[Happy] Yeah, I know.
-[clock mimics cuckoo bird]
550
00:28:01,708 --> 00:28:04,000
You can't give up
because of one bad round.
551
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,125
You had to at least
hit a couple decent shots.
552
00:28:06,208 --> 00:28:09,166
I think I hit one out of 117.
553
00:28:09,250 --> 00:28:10,500
Yeah, next time you'll hit two
554
00:28:10,583 --> 00:28:13,083
and then three, and before you know it,
you're the best again.
555
00:28:13,166 --> 00:28:14,875
I'm 58 years old, V.
556
00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:16,375
Forget about being the best.
557
00:28:16,458 --> 00:28:19,125
If you finish 30th
in the Tour Championship,
558
00:28:19,208 --> 00:28:22,000
-you make 100 grand, brother.
-[Happy] How am I going to finish 30th?
559
00:28:22,083 --> 00:28:24,833
I lost to three idiots
on a municipal course.
560
00:28:24,916 --> 00:28:26,166
[John] You were hammered.
561
00:28:26,250 --> 00:28:29,083
Maybe you need to practice, Dad,
like I do with dancing.
562
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,625
What else are you going to do, sober boy?
You can't drink.
563
00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:33,833
Hand sanitizer.
564
00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:36,958
Let Uncle John take care of that.
565
00:28:39,208 --> 00:28:42,541
[gags] This is hand sanitizer.
566
00:28:42,625 --> 00:28:44,000
[Happy] Gotcha. [laughs]
567
00:28:45,250 --> 00:28:46,583
{\an8}["Juke Box Hero" playing]
568
00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:49,458
{\an8}-Were you Happy Gilmore?
-Shh.
569
00:28:50,791 --> 00:28:53,125
Um, do you want to try some clubs?
570
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,166
I do, yes.
571
00:28:56,250 --> 00:28:58,791
Here, try the six iron.
A lot of pros like it.
572
00:29:02,958 --> 00:29:04,916
Yep, uh, that'll do.
573
00:29:06,375 --> 00:29:08,166
[vagrant mumbles indistinctly]
574
00:29:08,250 --> 00:29:10,083
♪ He could picture the scene ♪
575
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:12,750
♪ Put his ear to the wall ♪
576
00:29:13,458 --> 00:29:15,041
-[scoffs]
-No.
577
00:29:15,958 --> 00:29:17,916
♪ He heard one guitar… ♪
578
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,500
To the right… Ooh!
579
00:29:20,416 --> 00:29:21,416
Goddamn.
580
00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:22,750
Hold my blanket.
581
00:29:22,833 --> 00:29:24,291
Hold your blanket, all right.
582
00:29:25,291 --> 00:29:29,583
All right, you want to load
on the back leg…
583
00:29:29,666 --> 00:29:30,541
Uh-huh.
584
00:29:30,625 --> 00:29:32,333
-And then…
-Yeah.
585
00:29:33,416 --> 00:29:36,541
Okay, I'll… I'll handle it.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
586
00:29:36,625 --> 00:29:39,125
-I don't know what happened.
-Just do your thing.
587
00:29:39,208 --> 00:29:41,625
-Go!
-[men shouting indistinctly]
588
00:29:43,125 --> 00:29:44,500
You got to be quicker.
589
00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:49,166
What are you doing, Dad? Hey.
590
00:29:49,250 --> 00:29:53,541
Sobriety is a journey, not a destination.
591
00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:56,458
-[chimes]
-I believe in you, Happy!
592
00:29:56,541 --> 00:29:59,375
♪ Someday he's going to make itTo the top ♪
593
00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:02,833
♪ And be a juke box hero ♪
594
00:30:02,916 --> 00:30:05,458
♪ Got stars in his eyes ♪
595
00:30:05,541 --> 00:30:07,916
♪ He's a juke box hero… ♪
596
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:08,833
[laughs]
597
00:30:08,916 --> 00:30:12,708
{\an8}"What my teacher didn't understand,
what she couldn't understand,
598
00:30:12,791 --> 00:30:14,916
{\an8}"is that I only cheated on the test
599
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,500
because my mother had yelled at me
about the oatmeal cookies. Yet again…"
600
00:30:25,625 --> 00:30:28,208
-[yells]
-[Bessie] Oh, there he goes.
601
00:30:29,083 --> 00:30:32,041
[Hal] Nice even strokes.
Thank you, Charlotte.
602
00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:36,083
Good. Finish the louvers,
then do the borders.
603
00:30:36,166 --> 00:30:37,000
Yes, sir.
604
00:30:37,083 --> 00:30:39,958
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Vienna Gilmore.
605
00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:43,416
[Happy] Everyone else sucks
and you know it! Let's go, V!
606
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:47,458
♪ Like a trip through the pastTo that day in the rain ♪
607
00:30:47,541 --> 00:30:48,583
[man] Come on, Happy!
608
00:30:48,666 --> 00:30:53,583
♪ And that one guitarMade his whole life change ♪
609
00:30:54,291 --> 00:30:55,708
♪ Now he needs to keep on rocking ♪
610
00:30:55,791 --> 00:30:57,333
[all cheering]
611
00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:58,625
♪ He just can't stop ♪
612
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,625
[all chanting] Happy! Happy!
613
00:31:01,708 --> 00:31:05,083
♪ That boy has got to stay on top ♪
614
00:31:06,416 --> 00:31:08,458
{\an8}[crowd exclaiming, whooping]
615
00:31:08,541 --> 00:31:13,291
{\an8}Happy! Happy! Happy!
616
00:31:13,375 --> 00:31:16,958
♪ He's got stars in his eyes ♪
617
00:31:17,041 --> 00:31:20,416
-♪ Juke box hero ♪-♪ Got stars in his eyes ♪
618
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,625
-Boot!
-[both cheer]
619
00:31:22,708 --> 00:31:25,250
Come on, baby! You're back! Let's go.
620
00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,916
Do you mind?
621
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:42,833
I'm sorry.
622
00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,458
What the hell are you doing?
623
00:31:44,541 --> 00:31:46,375
I'll take off. Have a good day.
624
00:31:46,458 --> 00:31:49,375
Go back to your mobile home.
625
00:31:49,458 --> 00:31:51,250
Got you a little something, Pop.
626
00:31:51,333 --> 00:31:54,000
What? What is it?
627
00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:56,166
"Thirty days sober! Congrats, Daddy!"
628
00:31:57,125 --> 00:31:59,083
{\an8}[all exclaiming]
629
00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:02,250
{\an8}-[Happy] You paint my house, brother.
-[all shouting]
630
00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,291
[Gordy] Get him on the ground!
631
00:32:10,666 --> 00:32:13,666
[all laughing, grunting triumphantly]
632
00:32:17,833 --> 00:32:19,583
{\an8}We'll put a little extra into this one.
633
00:32:19,666 --> 00:32:22,125
[chanting] Happy! Happy! Happy!
634
00:32:22,208 --> 00:32:23,416
[chanting stops]
635
00:32:24,666 --> 00:32:27,625
I am so sorry. I did not mean to do that.
636
00:32:27,708 --> 00:32:29,000
[all cheering]
637
00:32:29,083 --> 00:32:31,916
♪ Juke box hero ♪
638
00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:35,666
♪ Juke box hero ♪
639
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:38,500
[yelling, groaning]
640
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:42,875
Damn you, Happy Gilmore!
641
00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:48,750
I put a thermos of coffee in your
passenger seat, Dad, and a protein bar.
642
00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:50,291
I love that. Thank you, Vivi.
643
00:32:50,375 --> 00:32:52,125
You gonna bring back another gold jacket?
644
00:32:52,208 --> 00:32:54,041
Don't be disappointed
if that doesn't happen.
645
00:32:54,125 --> 00:32:55,708
Just looking to get in the top 30.
646
00:32:55,791 --> 00:32:58,250
But that gets you enough money
to send Vienna to dance school.
647
00:32:58,333 --> 00:33:00,875
You gotta do it.
One of us kids has to amount to something.
648
00:33:00,958 --> 00:33:03,625
What are you talking about?
You're all something.
649
00:33:03,708 --> 00:33:07,250
Something to me.
Get in here. Love you guys.
650
00:33:07,333 --> 00:33:10,833
This is the first time you're gonna be
far away from us since Mom left.
651
00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:13,333
We can FaceTime Dad every day.
It'll be okay.
652
00:33:13,416 --> 00:33:15,625
-[Happy] Yeah, day or night. You hear me?
-[Bobby] Yeah.
653
00:33:15,708 --> 00:33:18,833
And I'll be back Sunday to see you goons.
I promise you.
654
00:33:18,916 --> 00:33:20,833
Hopefully with one of them big checks.
655
00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:23,166
Hell yeah, Dad. Let's go.
656
00:33:23,250 --> 00:33:25,000
Make sure John Daly
doesn't sleep in my bed.
657
00:33:25,083 --> 00:33:26,458
If he does, no M&M's. Okay?
658
00:33:26,541 --> 00:33:27,458
-Got it.
-Got it.
659
00:33:31,916 --> 00:33:33,291
{\an8}Arnold.
660
00:33:34,208 --> 00:33:35,458
{\an8}Jack-o.
661
00:33:36,791 --> 00:33:37,833
{\an8}Tiger.
662
00:33:39,416 --> 00:33:40,416
SpongeBob?
663
00:33:41,291 --> 00:33:42,583
{\an8}What is that?
664
00:33:42,666 --> 00:33:44,791
What's with the beaver teeth?
665
00:33:44,875 --> 00:33:46,541
[Doug] The truth can hurt sometimes.
666
00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:50,041
-Oh, my goodness. Dougie boy!
-Happy! [chuckles]
667
00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:53,791
I missed you, bro.
How's everything been going?
668
00:33:53,875 --> 00:33:56,125
Oh, it gets harder every year, Happy.
669
00:33:56,208 --> 00:33:58,375
How's it getting harder? I'm not around.
670
00:33:58,458 --> 00:34:00,750
Yeah, honestly, the Maxi Golf League.
671
00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:03,750
The Maxi… I saw a commercial for that.
It looked stupid.
672
00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:07,208
-Well, supposedly, it is faster-paced…
-Yeah, yeah.
673
00:34:07,291 --> 00:34:10,500
…and our biggest sponsors
are suddenly slow to call me back.
674
00:34:10,583 --> 00:34:12,500
I got a bad feeling about this.
675
00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:16,500
We got the greatest golfers in the world.
That's what people want to see, the best.
676
00:34:16,583 --> 00:34:18,541
Manatee says his guys are better.
677
00:34:18,625 --> 00:34:20,333
There's only one way to find out.
678
00:34:20,416 --> 00:34:22,541
Challenge him.
People would love to watch that.
679
00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:26,041
Wow! Virginia really rubbed off on you.
680
00:34:26,125 --> 00:34:27,458
We had five kids together.
681
00:34:27,541 --> 00:34:29,000
She rubbed off on me all the time,
682
00:34:29,083 --> 00:34:31,333
and I just laid there
like a sack of potatoes.
683
00:34:31,416 --> 00:34:34,708
[chuckles] As charming as ever.
Hey, just get inside.
684
00:34:34,791 --> 00:34:36,416
The guys are excited to see you.
685
00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:40,583
Would you at least get Invisalign
for that thing? Thank you.
686
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,583
Hey, Happy, you gonna finish off
that blueberry jubilee?
687
00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:48,458
Oh, God. Freddy's still snaking
everybody's dessert? Okay, you got it.
688
00:34:48,541 --> 00:34:49,958
Thank you. Cheers.
689
00:34:50,041 --> 00:34:52,750
I'm so happy to be with you.
Look forward to getting out there.
690
00:34:52,833 --> 00:34:54,500
You gonna play tomorrow?
691
00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:56,041
Why, you guys aren't playing?
692
00:34:56,125 --> 00:34:58,291
Happy, these kids are 20, 30 years old.
693
00:34:58,375 --> 00:34:59,500
We're old and stiff.
694
00:34:59,583 --> 00:35:01,333
We're old, but we're still cool.
695
00:35:01,416 --> 00:35:04,083
You guys taking aspirin
before you get out there?
696
00:35:04,166 --> 00:35:05,791
I'm popping them like Tic Tacs.
697
00:35:05,875 --> 00:35:08,083
I grind them in my applesauce.
698
00:35:08,166 --> 00:35:10,583
I used to be able to play 72 holes
without breaking a sweat.
699
00:35:10,666 --> 00:35:12,833
Now it takes me ten minutes
to get out of this chair.
700
00:35:12,916 --> 00:35:14,833
-[all chuckle]
-Yes?
701
00:35:14,916 --> 00:35:17,458
Do you mind grabbing me
a half iced tea and half lemonade?
702
00:35:17,541 --> 00:35:18,833
Arnold Palmer.
703
00:35:18,916 --> 00:35:21,791
No, Jack Nicklaus,
but I do get that a lot.
704
00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:24,083
Fantastic. Be back in a jiff.
705
00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:28,083
Happy, what gives with the comeback
attempt after all these years?
706
00:35:28,166 --> 00:35:29,458
Well, I'm out of cash.
707
00:35:29,541 --> 00:35:34,416
My daughter has an opportunity
to go to this ballet school in Paris, so…
708
00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:36,791
Happy, I've known you for 30 years.
709
00:35:36,875 --> 00:35:39,000
You're like a son to me.
How much you need?
710
00:35:39,083 --> 00:35:40,250
300 grand.
711
00:35:40,333 --> 00:35:42,458
Good luck tomorrow. Hit 'em straight.
712
00:35:43,166 --> 00:35:44,708
-Excuse me, pal?
-Yes, sir?
713
00:35:44,791 --> 00:35:48,250
I asked for a Tanqueray and tonic,
but they gave me Bombay instead.
714
00:35:48,333 --> 00:35:52,041
I'm the busboy, sir.
Sorry. I will get you a server right now.
715
00:35:52,125 --> 00:35:54,458
Uh, do you want some bread?
716
00:35:54,541 --> 00:35:56,500
No, just the right booze, thanks.
717
00:35:56,583 --> 00:35:57,875
Okay.
718
00:35:57,958 --> 00:35:59,208
I think I rattled him.
719
00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:03,041
Hey, Happy, whatever happened to that guy,
uh, Shooter McGavin?
720
00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:05,458
I believe he's still
in an institution, Jack.
721
00:36:05,541 --> 00:36:06,708
Wasn't he friends with O.J.?
722
00:36:06,791 --> 00:36:09,875
Well, they used to vacation together.
I don't know if they were friends, but…
723
00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:13,625
-[thunder rumbling]
-[laughing]
724
00:36:16,916 --> 00:36:18,791
This guy's losing it.
725
00:36:19,958 --> 00:36:22,875
[laughs wickedly]
726
00:36:22,958 --> 00:36:24,416
[door opens]
727
00:36:25,791 --> 00:36:28,375
What are you doing here? It's quiet time.
728
00:36:28,458 --> 00:36:31,083
You suddenly got some
very powerful friends, McGavin.
729
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:35,041
{\an8}This is a court order
for your immediate release.
730
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:39,166
Excuse me?
Gentleman would like new gin and tonic.
731
00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:42,458
He said Bombay, no Tanqueray.
732
00:36:42,541 --> 00:36:44,625
You told Spiethy that was on me, man?
733
00:36:44,708 --> 00:36:45,833
No, no.
734
00:36:45,916 --> 00:36:48,625
You threw me under the bus.
So you could be the hero?
735
00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:49,625
[Oscar] No. I… No.
736
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,500
[Travis] You stabbed me in my back.
That's what time it is?
737
00:36:52,583 --> 00:36:53,708
He just, he just said…
738
00:36:53,791 --> 00:36:57,166
I can't work like this, man.
Watching my six all day, every day.
739
00:36:57,250 --> 00:36:59,291
I just wanted to help. I offered bread.
740
00:36:59,375 --> 00:37:00,875
You mess around, you find out.
741
00:37:01,833 --> 00:37:02,791
You're fired.
742
00:37:02,875 --> 00:37:03,833
Fired?
743
00:37:03,916 --> 00:37:05,208
-[barks]
-[yelps]
744
00:37:08,041 --> 00:37:11,000
Hey, pal. Yo. You think
you were a little harsh on the dude?
745
00:37:11,083 --> 00:37:13,083
Sorry you had to hear that, Mr. Gilmore.
746
00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:17,625
You don't know the backstory.
Mr. Couples? More blueberry jubilee?
747
00:37:17,708 --> 00:37:20,291
Nah, I'm okay. Maybe one more.
748
00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:22,333
Yeah. Back in two.
749
00:37:23,125 --> 00:37:24,833
[thunder rumbling]
750
00:37:25,666 --> 00:37:27,791
Yackety-yack, don't come back.
751
00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:30,666
Whoo!
752
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,250
Ah! [laughs]
753
00:37:33,958 --> 00:37:36,708
[breathes deeply, laughs]
754
00:37:38,375 --> 00:37:39,708
[horn honking]
755
00:37:39,791 --> 00:37:44,791
Shooter McGavin. I'm such a massive fan.
756
00:37:44,875 --> 00:37:45,833
[glass clinking]
757
00:37:45,916 --> 00:37:50,500
Gentlemen, thank you for being here
at the Tour Champions Dinner.
758
00:37:51,458 --> 00:37:52,583
That's what she said.
759
00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:57,041
I'm not sure that made sense, X.
760
00:37:57,125 --> 00:38:01,750
Every time our sport has overcome
a challenge, we have come out stronger.
761
00:38:01,833 --> 00:38:04,833
Today's challenge is the Maxi Golf League,
762
00:38:04,916 --> 00:38:08,458
who allege that they are
going to make golf more watchable.
763
00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:09,791
That's what she said.
764
00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,625
-Great joke, Mr. Schauffele.
-Thanks, buddy.
765
00:38:14,708 --> 00:38:16,833
I just got off the phone
with the president
766
00:38:16,916 --> 00:38:19,416
of this new league, Frank Manatee,
767
00:38:19,500 --> 00:38:22,000
and I challenged him to a competition.
768
00:38:22,083 --> 00:38:26,541
Frank accepted that challenge
and then farted into the phone.
769
00:38:27,291 --> 00:38:28,125
He did what?
770
00:38:29,083 --> 00:38:30,416
What's the competition?
771
00:38:30,500 --> 00:38:33,416
Our five best players
versus his five best.
772
00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:37,166
Make it our five worst. It doesn't matter.
We're gonna smoke them anyway!
773
00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:39,583
[all cheering]
774
00:38:39,666 --> 00:38:41,833
-Whoo!
-Yeah!
775
00:38:41,916 --> 00:38:46,083
Now, I know that you all want the honor
of kicking their ass.
776
00:38:46,166 --> 00:38:47,791
-[all] Yeah!
-So how about this?
777
00:38:47,875 --> 00:38:51,791
Top five finishers this weekend
represent us in the challenge.
778
00:38:51,875 --> 00:38:53,583
All right. Let's go.
779
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,375
[mouthing] That's what she said.
780
00:38:57,125 --> 00:39:00,125
Gentlemen, by showing
the world our dominance,
781
00:39:00,208 --> 00:39:04,583
we will eliminate this league
before it even officially launches.
782
00:39:04,666 --> 00:39:06,750
-[player] Let's go!
-[all cheering]
783
00:39:09,666 --> 00:39:12,291
And now you've got something else
to play for, Happy.
784
00:39:14,208 --> 00:39:17,666
Yeah! Yeah!
785
00:39:19,458 --> 00:39:23,458
-[both groan]
-Gosh. I think there's a fork in my ass.
786
00:39:23,541 --> 00:39:25,083
Now that's what she said.
787
00:39:26,416 --> 00:39:28,708
-Yeah!
-[all cheering]
788
00:39:29,958 --> 00:39:31,875
-[whoops]
-[both whoop]
789
00:39:36,083 --> 00:39:38,625
[Verne] The sun is shining.The greens are shimmering.
790
00:39:38,708 --> 00:39:40,583
{\an8}What a day to play some golf.
791
00:39:40,666 --> 00:39:44,916
Welcome to the big one,the U.S. Bank Tour Championship.
792
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,625
{\an8}I'm Verne Lundquist.
Here, as always, with Jack Beard.
793
00:39:48,708 --> 00:39:52,416
{\an8}And the golfer everyone is talking about,
Happy Gilmore.
794
00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:53,625
-Looks handsome.
-Yeah.
795
00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:57,250
{\an8}[Verne] Gilmore returnsafter a ten-year absence.
796
00:39:57,333 --> 00:39:59,083
{\an8}[woman] Some of the guysset your locker up.
797
00:40:01,291 --> 00:40:05,333
{\an8}Bengay, Tums. Preparation H, yeah.
798
00:40:05,416 --> 00:40:06,833
MiraLAX, always good.
799
00:40:06,916 --> 00:40:10,750
{\an8}And, uh, diapers. Now that's pushing it.
800
00:40:16,458 --> 00:40:18,291
I know you never made it
to the Bruins, Happy,
801
00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:20,375
but maybe you'll make
this five-man wrecking crew.
802
00:40:20,458 --> 00:40:25,208
Oh, I doubt that, Tony. I'm actually
just worried about making the cut.
803
00:40:25,291 --> 00:40:26,791
Mr. Gilmore, Sergio told me
804
00:40:26,875 --> 00:40:30,416
you forgot to bring a caddie
to your first tournament. Is that true?
805
00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:32,416
[laughs] He said that? No.
806
00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:35,708
Well, yeah, but still,
I didn't know the rules back then.
807
00:40:35,791 --> 00:40:37,166
That's insane.
808
00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:40,625
Yeah, that was silly.
Can't believe I would do that.
809
00:40:44,583 --> 00:40:46,625
[choking]
810
00:40:48,250 --> 00:40:52,416
Hey, brother. Good to see you, man.
So here's what happened.
811
00:40:52,500 --> 00:40:56,250
My regular caddie moved to Switzerland
for tax purposes,
812
00:40:56,333 --> 00:40:58,583
so I'm kind of like, I got nowhere to go.
813
00:40:58,666 --> 00:41:01,500
What do you say,
you and me for old times' sake?
814
00:41:01,583 --> 00:41:03,250
That's nice, Mr. Gilmore,
815
00:41:03,333 --> 00:41:06,500
but I, unfortunately,
I can't caddie for you today.
816
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:10,041
You're not still mad about
the whole choking you thing, are you?
817
00:41:10,125 --> 00:41:11,625
No, it's not that.
818
00:41:11,708 --> 00:41:14,041
It's actually, I don't caddie anymore.
819
00:41:14,125 --> 00:41:17,291
I, uh… I play now.
We're actually playing together today.
820
00:41:17,375 --> 00:41:20,833
I didn't know that, Blondie.
All right, well, I'll see you out there.
821
00:41:20,916 --> 00:41:21,750
I'll see ya.
822
00:41:23,291 --> 00:41:24,791
Blondie. [chuckles]
823
00:41:25,416 --> 00:41:30,000
My name's Will, and I'm still mad at you
for choking me out, you son of a bitch.
824
00:41:30,083 --> 00:41:32,708
[Verne] We're minutes away from the start,
825
00:41:32,791 --> 00:41:37,375
and Happy Gilmore is apparentlybreaking in yet another new caddie.
826
00:41:37,458 --> 00:41:39,166
Uh, it's a club. Yeah.
827
00:41:39,250 --> 00:41:41,250
Club. Oh, like the club sandwich.
828
00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:42,833
Not the club sandwich. Okay.
829
00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:45,416
[Verne] Let's check inwith our own Gary Potter,
830
00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:48,333
{\an8}who's with number one-ranked
Scottie Scheffler.
831
00:41:48,416 --> 00:41:49,333
{\an8}Thanks, Verne.
832
00:41:49,416 --> 00:41:51,416
{\an8}Scottie, you have been on quite a tear.
833
00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:53,666
{\an8}My God.You're seeing the ball and the hole,
834
00:41:53,750 --> 00:41:56,666
{\an8}and the position of the balland the hole… all good things.
835
00:41:56,750 --> 00:41:58,708
{\an8}Is there a question in there, Gary?
836
00:41:58,791 --> 00:42:02,166
{\an8}Scottie, if you're the best,does that make everyone else the worst?
837
00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,458
{\an8}I'm just gonna go warm up.
838
00:42:04,541 --> 00:42:07,958
{\an8}Always great catching up with Scottie.Back to you, Verne.
839
00:42:08,041 --> 00:42:09,500
Thanks, Gary.
840
00:42:10,583 --> 00:42:14,833
{\an8}The threesome of Justin Thomas,
Will Zalatoris,
841
00:42:14,916 --> 00:42:18,416
and Happy Gilmore is about to tee off.
842
00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:23,416
-Ooh.
-[crowd cheering, applauding]
843
00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:27,916
Nice. Nice bang, JT.
844
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,708
Pressure's on with Happy watching.
845
00:42:29,791 --> 00:42:31,125
My family loves you.
846
00:42:31,208 --> 00:42:33,166
I'm actually rooting for you.
I gotta stop.
847
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:35,708
No. Keep it coming.
I need all the love I can get.
848
00:42:35,791 --> 00:42:36,625
Gotcha.
849
00:42:36,708 --> 00:42:38,958
-Now on the tee, Zalatoris, Will.
-[chuckles]
850
00:42:40,833 --> 00:42:43,083
-That's your name?
-[chuckles]
851
00:42:43,666 --> 00:42:46,083
"That's your name?" What an idiot.
852
00:42:46,166 --> 00:42:50,000
I'm a little intimidated.
All these guys hit it big now, you know?
853
00:42:50,083 --> 00:42:52,500
Do you need a water refill?
Any breadsticks?
854
00:42:52,583 --> 00:42:55,666
No. Maybe I'll go to my happy place.
855
00:42:56,791 --> 00:42:58,416
Okay. I will be here.
856
00:43:03,916 --> 00:43:04,958
[crowd cheering]
857
00:43:05,041 --> 00:43:07,541
It's not working.
I don't drink beer anymore.
858
00:43:08,625 --> 00:43:09,791
Good.
859
00:43:09,875 --> 00:43:12,750
Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy.
860
00:43:12,833 --> 00:43:14,500
[man] Welcome back, Happy!
861
00:43:14,583 --> 00:43:18,750
[Verne] Golf fans around the worldare excited to see Happy Gilmore again,
862
00:43:18,833 --> 00:43:20,541
but at 58 years old,
863
00:43:20,625 --> 00:43:25,375
I'm not sure even Gilmore thinkshe can compete with today's best.
864
00:43:25,458 --> 00:43:26,333
[man] Hey, Happy!
865
00:43:26,416 --> 00:43:28,416
I guess I need to update my happy place
866
00:43:28,500 --> 00:43:31,750
to something a little more
age appropriate.
867
00:43:33,875 --> 00:43:36,458
Whoa! [laughing]
868
00:43:36,541 --> 00:43:38,916
{\an8}[yelping]
869
00:43:43,541 --> 00:43:45,166
{\an8}[bell ringing]
870
00:43:48,208 --> 00:43:51,166
You can do it! [laughs]
871
00:44:01,041 --> 00:44:02,708
Yeah.
872
00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:19,666
-[ball whizzing]
-[crowd murmuring]
873
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,541
[crowd cheering]
874
00:44:27,583 --> 00:44:28,708
Okay.
875
00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:31,791
-Thank you, Happy!-[all cheering]
876
00:44:31,875 --> 00:44:34,500
-Let's go!
-Let's go!
877
00:44:35,458 --> 00:44:37,583
Never did that before. Thank you, man.
878
00:44:37,666 --> 00:44:40,333
Okay, well, let's get--
All right, we're going to go.
879
00:44:40,416 --> 00:44:42,833
-But you bring those. Those always come.
-Oh.
880
00:44:43,625 --> 00:44:45,625
All right? That's it, that's it.
881
00:44:45,708 --> 00:44:46,583
I'm sorry.
882
00:44:46,666 --> 00:44:49,333
No, no. They got a strap
if you want to use the strap.
883
00:44:49,416 --> 00:44:52,083
["She Sells Sanctuary" playing]
884
00:44:55,833 --> 00:44:57,375
[crowd cheering]
885
00:45:01,916 --> 00:45:05,333
A snake! Get it off me, god damn it!
886
00:45:05,416 --> 00:45:07,041
Get the snake!
887
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,916
[Happy] Come on. Come on. Come on.
888
00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:15,750
-[cheering]
-Goal! Yeah, baby!
889
00:45:18,625 --> 00:45:21,000
-Come on, Happy!
-[indistinct chatter]
890
00:45:21,083 --> 00:45:22,666
Man, I don't drink.
891
00:45:23,666 --> 00:45:25,000
How about some coffee?
892
00:45:25,083 --> 00:45:28,250
That I can do! Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
893
00:45:28,333 --> 00:45:31,458
[all chanting] Chug, chug, chug!
894
00:45:31,541 --> 00:45:33,500
[cheering]
895
00:45:33,583 --> 00:45:36,041
Yeah!
896
00:45:37,541 --> 00:45:40,541
Yeah! Let's go! Yeah!
897
00:45:41,416 --> 00:45:43,791
[yelling]
898
00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:49,583
Holy shit!
899
00:45:54,416 --> 00:45:56,416
[crowd cheering]
900
00:46:02,666 --> 00:46:04,250
[woman] Still the man, Happy!
901
00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:06,583
-[phone rings]
-It's my kids. Sorry, everyone.
902
00:46:06,666 --> 00:46:08,625
-Good to see you, boy!
-There they are.
903
00:46:08,708 --> 00:46:11,208
Daddy's on the tee…
Wanna see Daddy drive the ball?
904
00:46:11,291 --> 00:46:14,333
{\an8}Please, dear. Thank you.
All right, boys. This is for you.
905
00:46:17,791 --> 00:46:19,125
Whoa!
906
00:46:19,208 --> 00:46:21,916
Oh! Daddy got a hold of that one.
907
00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:24,291
What are you doing?
908
00:46:24,375 --> 00:46:27,458
Gordy! You got to see a doctor about that!
909
00:46:27,541 --> 00:46:28,583
Happy! Happy! Happy!
910
00:46:28,666 --> 00:46:31,666
[Verne] Entering day twoand feeding off the fans' support,
911
00:46:31,750 --> 00:46:34,916
{\an8}Happy Gilmore has jumped into the top ten.
912
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,791
Oscar. Where were you? Who's this?
913
00:46:37,875 --> 00:46:40,000
Oh, he's Esteban, my caddie.
914
00:46:40,083 --> 00:46:41,000
-Okay.
-Steven.
915
00:46:41,083 --> 00:46:42,208
Steven, nice to meet…
916
00:46:42,291 --> 00:46:44,875
No. You don't get a caddie.
Caddies don't get caddies. I'm sorry.
917
00:46:44,958 --> 00:46:46,333
No? Can he play?
918
00:46:46,416 --> 00:46:47,875
What do you mean… He's not…
919
00:46:47,958 --> 00:46:50,583
This is the pro tournament.
I'm sorry. He's gotta go.
920
00:46:50,666 --> 00:46:52,166
[conversing in Spanish]
921
00:46:55,041 --> 00:46:57,916
[in English] Happy Gilmore! Okay, got it.
[speaks Spanish] Okay.
922
00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,833
[Happy in English] All right. Ciao. Adiós.
923
00:46:59,916 --> 00:47:01,500
He took his hat.
924
00:47:01,583 --> 00:47:03,500
All right, go! [laughs]
925
00:47:03,583 --> 00:47:07,083
Okay, we got to play, man.
Let me have the driver.
926
00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:17,500
Oh, damn it. [sighs, growls]
927
00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:20,291
[caddie choking] Wait! Please!
928
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,333
Now he gets it.
929
00:47:25,125 --> 00:47:27,625
[crowd exclaiming, cheering]
930
00:47:28,875 --> 00:47:30,208
-Happy! Happy!
-That was the shot.
931
00:47:30,291 --> 00:47:32,875
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
932
00:47:32,958 --> 00:47:35,625
{\an8}[Verne] And heading into Saturday,two shots back.
933
00:47:35,708 --> 00:47:38,125
{\an8}The comeback kid, Happy Gilmore.
934
00:47:38,208 --> 00:47:41,791
-[man] Good shot, Happy!
-[crowd cheering]
935
00:47:49,458 --> 00:47:51,583
[crowd cheering]
936
00:47:51,666 --> 00:47:54,791
[men] Happy! Rules!
937
00:47:54,875 --> 00:47:57,083
-[gagging]
-[crowd chanting] Happy! Happy!
938
00:47:58,291 --> 00:48:01,583
Guys, what are you doing?
I'm trying to watch your dad play golf!
939
00:48:01,666 --> 00:48:04,416
-Guys, we can't hear!
-Come on, guys.
940
00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:06,791
[Verne] No one could have expected this.
941
00:48:06,875 --> 00:48:08,458
Happy Gilmore.
942
00:48:08,541 --> 00:48:12,041
{\an8}From off the couch to the top
of the leaderboard.
943
00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,833
And what was supposed to bea nostalgic footnote
944
00:48:14,916 --> 00:48:19,000
has turned into one of the bestthree rounds anyone has ever seen.
945
00:48:19,083 --> 00:48:22,291
The thing is,
if I go for this and miss the cup,
946
00:48:22,375 --> 00:48:25,125
it's going to roll
right off the green, so… yeah.
947
00:48:25,208 --> 00:48:27,000
-Okay, I see.
-Yeah.
948
00:48:27,083 --> 00:48:28,375
What's a green?
949
00:48:28,458 --> 00:48:31,083
Green? Know what?
Don't worry about that right now.
950
00:48:31,166 --> 00:48:34,166
What I'm looking for
is some positive energy, you know?
951
00:48:34,250 --> 00:48:35,125
Can I help?
952
00:48:35,208 --> 00:48:38,083
Actually, you can.
Remember the happy place I went to?
953
00:48:38,166 --> 00:48:40,208
-Yes.
-You go to yours.
954
00:48:40,958 --> 00:48:42,375
Okay, I'll try.
955
00:48:43,541 --> 00:48:46,166
[breathes deeply]
956
00:48:48,541 --> 00:48:49,541
What's up, man?
957
00:48:50,041 --> 00:48:52,125
What do you got there? Honey?
958
00:48:53,291 --> 00:48:57,416
{\an8}What is this? What is this?
959
00:48:57,500 --> 00:48:59,750
Is this about the job? Come on--
960
00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:04,416
{\an8}Let's-- [giggling] That's-- Come on, man.
961
00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:10,583
-Oh, no. Not a bear. Not a bear.
-[sniffing]
962
00:49:10,666 --> 00:49:12,958
-Goddamn you, busboy!
-[growls]
963
00:49:13,041 --> 00:49:14,208
[screams]
964
00:49:14,291 --> 00:49:16,750
[mimics growling]
965
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,166
-I'm happy now. Hit the ball.
-Yeah.
966
00:49:23,250 --> 00:49:24,541
Yes.
967
00:49:24,625 --> 00:49:27,750
You were thinking about
a bear eating that waiter, weren't you?
968
00:49:27,833 --> 00:49:28,708
Yes.
969
00:49:28,791 --> 00:49:32,333
-I thought so. Was there honey involved?
-Un poquito.
970
00:49:32,416 --> 00:49:33,958
[in English] I love it.
971
00:49:34,041 --> 00:49:35,208
[man] Come on, Happy.
972
00:49:36,208 --> 00:49:39,666
-[woman] Come on, Happy.
-[crowd murmuring]
973
00:49:40,625 --> 00:49:43,166
[Verne] Oh, no.I don't see that one stopping.
974
00:49:43,250 --> 00:49:44,833
Wait a minute.
975
00:49:44,916 --> 00:49:47,916
-Zalatoris' ball marker to the rescue!-[cheering]
976
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,791
Yeah, Blondie! [laughs]
977
00:49:49,875 --> 00:49:52,041
{\an8}And the fairy tale continues.
978
00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:55,750
Happy Gilmore has somehowturned back the hands of time.
979
00:49:58,375 --> 00:50:00,583
-No. Not again.
-Come here. Come on!
980
00:50:01,875 --> 00:50:03,791
We gotta do it!
981
00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:06,750
-[crowd] Oh!
-[groaning]
982
00:50:06,833 --> 00:50:11,000
-I love it! Yeah, Oscar! Whoo!
-[groaning]
983
00:50:11,083 --> 00:50:13,375
{\an8}Less than two monthsafter hitting rock bottom
984
00:50:13,458 --> 00:50:15,250
{\an8}in a drunken golf cart crash,
985
00:50:15,333 --> 00:50:20,250
{\an8}Happy Gilmore is 18 holes awayfrom a seventh gold jacket.
986
00:50:20,333 --> 00:50:22,166
The only possible conclusion is that
987
00:50:22,250 --> 00:50:25,875
Happy Gilmore has reached an agreement
of some kind
988
00:50:25,958 --> 00:50:29,375
with Satan, a.k.a. the Devil!
989
00:50:29,458 --> 00:50:32,208
[man] All right. Let's go! Happy!
990
00:50:32,291 --> 00:50:33,791
-Good job, Mr. Gilmore.
-What's up?
991
00:50:33,875 --> 00:50:35,041
In the zone today. Man.
992
00:50:35,125 --> 00:50:37,875
We were putting. We were doing okay.
A little luck involved.
993
00:50:37,958 --> 00:50:39,791
Hey, Mr. Gilmore. Billy Jenkins.
994
00:50:39,875 --> 00:50:41,791
-Hey, nice to meet you, Bobby.
-Billy.
995
00:50:41,875 --> 00:50:44,583
Billy was on fire today.
I was like, where did that come from?
996
00:50:44,666 --> 00:50:47,208
Had the best round of my life.
I'm in second place.
997
00:50:47,291 --> 00:50:48,666
You and me play tomorrow.
998
00:50:48,750 --> 00:50:50,250
You're kidding. Look forward to that.
999
00:50:50,333 --> 00:50:53,083
I've never been in the hunt.
It's a dream come true.
1000
00:50:53,166 --> 00:50:55,125
You're going to love it.
You get in the top five,
1001
00:50:55,208 --> 00:50:57,833
you get to play against those buffoons
from the new league.
1002
00:50:57,916 --> 00:50:59,791
What's up with that tool
starting that league?
1003
00:50:59,875 --> 00:51:01,500
The guy came to see me to talk about it.
1004
00:51:01,583 --> 00:51:04,416
He had the worst breath
I've ever smelled in my life.
1005
00:51:04,500 --> 00:51:05,833
Like somebody died in his mouth
1006
00:51:05,916 --> 00:51:08,041
or a donkey took a shit there
or something…
1007
00:51:08,125 --> 00:51:10,166
It was not good.
Anyways, I got to get to a meeting.
1008
00:51:10,250 --> 00:51:12,500
Love you, Bubba. David, good to see you.
1009
00:51:12,583 --> 00:51:13,833
It's Billy.
1010
00:51:13,916 --> 00:51:19,208
[clears throat] So, in summary, I am no
longer allowed to purchase magic markers
1011
00:51:19,291 --> 00:51:20,791
in the state of Connecticut.
1012
00:51:20,875 --> 00:51:23,750
I am Nate,
and I am one day sober. [chuckles]
1013
00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:30,208
-Nate, you're an example to us all.
-[laughs]
1014
00:51:30,833 --> 00:51:31,666
What?
1015
00:51:31,750 --> 00:51:33,666
Before we finish,
I'd like to say a few words
1016
00:51:33,750 --> 00:51:36,166
about the remarkable achievement
of our brother, Happy.
1017
00:51:36,250 --> 00:51:39,375
We've been watching you play, Mr. Gilmore.
So inspiring.
1018
00:51:39,458 --> 00:51:44,750
Yeah! Happy Gilmore, making Black people
like golf again. [chuckles]
1019
00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:46,208
[Hal] That's right, Bessie.
1020
00:51:46,291 --> 00:51:49,375
I just hope Happy's able to
continue to play as well tomorrow.
1021
00:51:50,083 --> 00:51:52,791
Tomorrow being of course… Oh…
1022
00:51:54,083 --> 00:51:55,291
Mother's Day.
1023
00:51:58,708 --> 00:52:02,291
[Verne] Welcome to the final roundof the Tour Championship.
1024
00:52:02,375 --> 00:52:04,041
Here come your current leaders.
1025
00:52:04,125 --> 00:52:05,458
Journeyman Billy Jenkins,
1026
00:52:05,541 --> 00:52:10,000
getting his first taste of successafter an undistinguished career.
1027
00:52:10,083 --> 00:52:11,666
The only man in his way,
1028
00:52:11,750 --> 00:52:16,625
a golf magiciannamed Happy Octavius Gilmore.
1029
00:52:16,708 --> 00:52:18,833
{\an8}Octavius is his middle name?
1030
00:52:18,916 --> 00:52:21,166
{\an8}Nah, but it sounds cool, doesn't it?
1031
00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:22,916
Wait a minute.
1032
00:52:23,750 --> 00:52:27,041
Can't wear shorts, Mr. Jenkins.
It's a two-stroke penalty.
1033
00:52:27,125 --> 00:52:28,625
That's okay.
1034
00:52:28,708 --> 00:52:31,958
I don't want to be hot today.
Makes my balls itchy.
1035
00:52:32,833 --> 00:52:35,666
[Verne] Was that confidenceor just pure stupidity?
1036
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,583
{\an8}[crowd exclaiming, applauding]
1037
00:52:42,166 --> 00:52:45,500
[announcer] Now on the tee,
Gilmore, Happy.
1038
00:52:45,583 --> 00:52:47,083
[Happy] Nice shot, young man.
1039
00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:51,333
[Verne] Happy Gilmore will try to defendhis eight-shot lead
1040
00:52:51,416 --> 00:52:53,625
on this glorious Mother's Day.
1041
00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:10,666
{\an8}Gilmore was aiming right for some reason,and that's where it went.
1042
00:53:11,458 --> 00:53:12,875
A lot of holes left to play.
1043
00:53:12,958 --> 00:53:13,791
[softly] Yeah.
1044
00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:18,083
It's okay. [speaks Spanish]
1045
00:53:19,041 --> 00:53:21,875
-[humming]
-[knock on door]
1046
00:53:21,958 --> 00:53:24,125
-Mr. McGavin.
-[chuckles]
1047
00:53:24,208 --> 00:53:25,375
How'd you sleep?
1048
00:53:25,458 --> 00:53:28,291
This place… is amazing.
1049
00:53:28,375 --> 00:53:29,875
The pillows, the steam shower,
1050
00:53:29,958 --> 00:53:31,083
the free porn,
1051
00:53:31,166 --> 00:53:33,916
and these fluffy pancakes. Oh, my God.
1052
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,916
What do you say you and I go on a tour
1053
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,541
-and I show you what we're all about?
-Mmm…
1054
00:53:38,625 --> 00:53:41,416
I'll make sure there's a fresh stack
waiting for you when we get back.
1055
00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:42,625
All right.
1056
00:53:44,208 --> 00:53:45,583
Slippers on?
1057
00:53:45,666 --> 00:53:48,125
And why don't you throw on
some underpants, too?
1058
00:53:48,208 --> 00:53:49,708
[man 1] It's all right, Happy.
1059
00:53:49,791 --> 00:53:51,541
[man 2] Hey, Happy. Remember me?
1060
00:53:53,041 --> 00:53:55,708
{\an8}My dad used to be your boss
when you worked in construction.
1061
00:53:55,791 --> 00:53:57,458
I'm truly proud of you.
1062
00:53:57,541 --> 00:54:00,125
Hey, thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
1063
00:54:00,750 --> 00:54:04,125
{\an8}Drago Larson. Little Drago Larson?
1064
00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:06,500
Hell yeah! My God!
1065
00:54:06,583 --> 00:54:10,041
I always felt bad about what I did
to Daddy and the whole nail thing.
1066
00:54:10,125 --> 00:54:11,583
Actually, after he got it removed,
1067
00:54:11,666 --> 00:54:13,875
he kind of missed it,
so he had it put back.
1068
00:54:13,958 --> 00:54:15,541
Oh, okay.
1069
00:54:15,625 --> 00:54:17,500
He passed away a few years ago.
1070
00:54:17,583 --> 00:54:19,333
I'm so sorry. What happened?
1071
00:54:19,416 --> 00:54:21,208
He rolled over in his sleep.
1072
00:54:21,291 --> 00:54:22,416
Oh, yeah.
1073
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:25,833
At least I still have Mom.
Every boy needs his mom.
1074
00:54:26,541 --> 00:54:28,916
-Yeah.
-Happy have five kids, Mom.
1075
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,416
Oh, tell your wife Happy Mother's Day.
1076
00:54:32,416 --> 00:54:34,000
His wife passed away.
1077
00:54:34,708 --> 00:54:37,291
Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
1078
00:54:37,375 --> 00:54:39,500
Why didn't you tell me, Jerko?
1079
00:54:39,583 --> 00:54:41,791
Mommy, don't hit me. Mommy, don't hit me.
1080
00:54:41,875 --> 00:54:43,458
Which club do you prefer, sir?
1081
00:54:43,541 --> 00:54:44,666
[man 3] Let's go, Gilmore!
1082
00:54:44,750 --> 00:54:48,541
-Give me… Let me have a wedge.
-[crowd murmuring]
1083
00:54:51,875 --> 00:54:53,166
[man 4] Let's go, Happy.
1084
00:54:54,041 --> 00:54:56,708
-Every boy needs a mom.
-But we don't have one.
1085
00:54:56,791 --> 00:54:58,125
[man 4] You got it, Happy.
1086
00:54:58,208 --> 00:54:59,666
-You can make it.
-You got this.
1087
00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:01,208
[man 4] Do it. Come on.
1088
00:55:04,500 --> 00:55:08,416
-[thuds]
-[crowd murmuring, exclaiming] Oh!
1089
00:55:09,291 --> 00:55:10,791
I gotta go to the bathroom.
1090
00:55:13,875 --> 00:55:16,000
[Frank] You came at a very special moment.
1091
00:55:16,083 --> 00:55:17,208
Change is in the air.
1092
00:55:17,291 --> 00:55:18,541
What change is that?
1093
00:55:18,625 --> 00:55:21,000
Golf. New and improved.
1094
00:55:22,416 --> 00:55:24,375
Gilmore must love all this.
1095
00:55:24,458 --> 00:55:26,875
I wouldn't know.
Happy Gilmore's a broken man.
1096
00:55:27,583 --> 00:55:28,625
A broken man?
1097
00:55:28,708 --> 00:55:31,041
Yeah, ever since the loss of his wife.
1098
00:55:31,125 --> 00:55:33,250
Wait, Virginia Venit?
1099
00:55:33,333 --> 00:55:34,625
Is that what her name was?
1100
00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:36,333
Oh, man.
1101
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,000
[exhales heavily]
1102
00:55:38,583 --> 00:55:40,291
[automated voice] Fart recognized.
1103
00:55:42,458 --> 00:55:43,958
All right, come on in.
1104
00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:46,166
[Verne] Our current leader, Happy Gilmore,
1105
00:55:46,250 --> 00:55:49,416
has been in the restroomfor an unusually long time.
1106
00:55:49,500 --> 00:55:52,250
[melancholy music plays]
1107
00:56:32,208 --> 00:56:33,875
Let's play some golf.
1108
00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:39,208
[Verne] Billy Jenkins is playingan inspired round.
1109
00:56:40,458 --> 00:56:44,166
{\an8}Meanwhile, Happy Gilmore is struggling
to keep it in the fairway.
1110
00:56:44,250 --> 00:56:47,041
-[crowd exclaiming]
-[whines]
1111
00:56:47,666 --> 00:56:49,250
[Happy] Cart path.
1112
00:56:51,750 --> 00:56:53,583
Wanna sip of my 3-wood?
1113
00:56:53,666 --> 00:56:55,541
-No, gracias.
-Okay.
1114
00:56:59,791 --> 00:57:01,416
You scratch it, I hurt you.
1115
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:04,208
[gasps, laughs]
1116
00:57:04,291 --> 00:57:06,125
Thank you, Jesus!
1117
00:57:06,833 --> 00:57:08,125
{\an8}[Gary] Plenty golf to be played.
1118
00:57:08,208 --> 00:57:10,333
Happy, what does Mother's Day mean to you?
1119
00:57:10,416 --> 00:57:13,750
Can you suck my white ass, Gary?
Just suck the entire thing?
1120
00:57:16,416 --> 00:57:17,416
Psycho.
1121
00:57:23,375 --> 00:57:24,458
{\an8}[crowd exclaim] Oh.
1122
00:57:24,541 --> 00:57:28,333
[Verne] And it has all fallen apartfor Happy Gilmore…
1123
00:57:28,416 --> 00:57:32,250
Happy's… wasted!
1124
00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:35,875
{\an8}…who is staggering,
literally, to the finish.
1125
00:57:35,958 --> 00:57:37,750
[beeps, unlocks]
1126
00:57:37,833 --> 00:57:41,708
What I'm about to show you
is the foundation of Maxi Golf.
1127
00:57:44,916 --> 00:57:47,166
[Shooter] An X-ray from 1957.
1128
00:57:47,916 --> 00:57:49,000
Who's Ben Daggett?
1129
00:57:49,083 --> 00:57:53,541
He's the only guy who could hit it farther
than Happy Octavius Gilmore.
1130
00:57:54,791 --> 00:57:56,416
[Shooter] How come I never heard of him?
1131
00:57:56,500 --> 00:57:58,791
[Frank] Well, he was a degenerate.Couldn't putt for shit.
1132
00:57:58,875 --> 00:58:01,375
Just drove around the countryin the 1950s,
1133
00:58:01,458 --> 00:58:03,583
dominating long drive contests.
1134
00:58:03,666 --> 00:58:06,708
They say he couldcarry the ball 500 yards.
1135
00:58:06,791 --> 00:58:10,000
One day, one of the mobsterswho he owed some money to
1136
00:58:10,083 --> 00:58:12,500
took a golf shoeand shoved it right up Ben's ass.
1137
00:58:13,333 --> 00:58:15,666
And that's where this X-ray was taken.
1138
00:58:18,041 --> 00:58:20,250
Do you see anything unusual here?
1139
00:58:20,333 --> 00:58:23,958
Well, there appears to be a shoe
up his rectal region.
1140
00:58:24,041 --> 00:58:26,250
That's true. But see that?
1141
00:58:26,333 --> 00:58:29,750
That's the iliolumbar ligament.
Why is it in two pieces?
1142
00:58:29,833 --> 00:58:32,208
Let me guess. Shoe up the ass?
1143
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:33,708
-No.
-No?
1144
00:58:33,791 --> 00:58:35,750
This happened much earlier in his life.
1145
00:58:35,833 --> 00:58:39,000
Turns out Daggett severed it
in a childhood go-kart accident.
1146
00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:41,791
The separation of the ligamentfrom when he was a kid
1147
00:58:41,875 --> 00:58:44,625
increased Daggett's range of motionin his hips,
1148
00:58:44,708 --> 00:58:46,833
dramatically improvingthe amount of torque
1149
00:58:46,916 --> 00:58:49,125
and club speed that he could generate.
1150
00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:53,708
That's why he could hit it so far.
Because of the shoe.
1151
00:58:53,791 --> 00:58:56,291
Will you stop with the shoe?
We're done with the shoe.
1152
00:58:56,375 --> 00:58:59,458
It was a go-kart accident
that severed the ligament
1153
00:58:59,541 --> 00:59:01,791
and turned him into
a long-ball-hitting freak.
1154
00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:04,291
And all those golfers outside?
1155
00:59:04,375 --> 00:59:06,958
We snipped
their iliolumbar ligaments, too.
1156
00:59:07,041 --> 00:59:10,083
That's cheating.
Who would agree to a surgery like that?
1157
00:59:10,791 --> 00:59:13,416
[Frank] Journeymen…who were good enough for the pros
1158
00:59:13,500 --> 00:59:15,666
{\an8}but could never figure outhow to beat the legends.
1159
00:59:18,958 --> 00:59:20,750
[crowd exclaiming]
1160
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,708
[crowd applauding]
1161
00:59:23,791 --> 00:59:27,791
It's all in the hips, Grandpa.
It's all in the hips.
1162
00:59:29,666 --> 00:59:32,083
Shooter, I want you to be the captain
of the Maxi team.
1163
00:59:32,166 --> 00:59:33,375
Hmm.
1164
00:59:33,458 --> 00:59:35,916
-Thank you so much.
-Absolutely, Mr. Manatee.
1165
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:37,833
Pancakes next time.
1166
00:59:37,916 --> 00:59:40,291
And I haven't even showed you
the best part yet.
1167
00:59:43,625 --> 00:59:46,166
18 holes? Boring.
1168
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:47,625
We do seven holes.
1169
00:59:48,208 --> 00:59:50,916
Slow play? [scoffs] We got shot clocks.
1170
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,125
My God, this is obscene.
1171
00:59:53,208 --> 00:59:55,208
It's a lot to take in. I get it.
1172
00:59:55,291 --> 00:59:58,000
I will never have anything
to do with this…
1173
00:59:59,250 --> 01:00:01,041
This abomination.
1174
01:00:01,125 --> 01:00:04,041
You know, Shooter, it wasn't very easy
to get you released.
1175
01:00:04,833 --> 01:00:07,666
But it'd be pretty damn easy
to get you recommitted.
1176
01:00:07,750 --> 01:00:09,000
Yeah?
1177
01:00:09,083 --> 01:00:11,375
[gasps] Damn, that's hot.
1178
01:00:11,458 --> 01:00:13,416
-I was told you liked it hot.
-Do you?
1179
01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:16,500
-[yells]
-[yelps, screams]
1180
01:00:17,083 --> 01:00:18,833
[laughing]
1181
01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:22,458
-[shattering]
-[screaming]
1182
01:00:22,541 --> 01:00:25,458
[continues screaming]
1183
01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:30,416
My eye! [screaming]
1184
01:00:32,833 --> 01:00:36,750
{\an8}Yesterday, Happy Gilmore hadthe entire sports world rooting for him,
1185
01:00:36,833 --> 01:00:40,291
{\an8}and then he took all that good willand basically set it on fire.
1186
01:00:40,375 --> 01:00:42,625
{\an8}-Go to your happy place!
-[Happy] No!
1187
01:00:42,708 --> 01:00:45,541
[Pat] He also lost out on playingagainst the Maxi League
1188
01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:48,083
as he finds himselfwith a sixth-place finish.
1189
01:00:48,166 --> 01:00:50,875
And so it is Jenkins
who will lead the five-man team
1190
01:00:50,958 --> 01:00:55,458
against the upstart Maxi League,
or… so we thought.
1191
01:00:55,541 --> 01:00:57,500
Sorry to pee in your punch bowl, folks,
1192
01:00:57,583 --> 01:01:01,916
but I am actually a proud member
of the Maxi Golf League.
1193
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,625
Bye-bye, regular golf. Bye-bye.
1194
01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:06,666
{\an8}That's right. Billy's part of a new league
1195
01:01:06,750 --> 01:01:09,500
where we hit longer,
look cooler, and party harder.
1196
01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:12,000
And the best part is,
our guys are "Maxi Good."
1197
01:01:12,083 --> 01:01:13,375
-Give me the jacket.
-[coughs]
1198
01:01:13,458 --> 01:01:15,541
[Stephen] My sourcesin the DA's office say
1199
01:01:15,625 --> 01:01:17,375
Gilmore's actions
violated a plea agreement,
1200
01:01:17,458 --> 01:01:20,583
relating to his drunken golf cart crash
earlier this year,
1201
01:01:20,666 --> 01:01:24,125
and that he only avoided arrests
due to an ally causing a distraction.
1202
01:01:24,208 --> 01:01:26,541
[Drago groaning]
1203
01:01:26,625 --> 01:01:29,750
Hey, Drago,
you forgot your underpants, Jerko!
1204
01:01:29,833 --> 01:01:32,625
Gilmore is now facing six years
in state prison,
1205
01:01:32,708 --> 01:01:35,916
but I hope the authorities
will deliver justice to golf fans
1206
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:42,125
by sentencing him to the electric chair,
which at this point, he richly deserves.
1207
01:01:57,125 --> 01:02:00,250
{\an8}[Shooter] Oh, Virginia,
I'm sorry you're no longer with us.
1208
01:02:00,333 --> 01:02:02,625
You were a woman
working in a man's league.
1209
01:02:02,708 --> 01:02:05,375
I bet that wasn't easy. Huh?
1210
01:02:06,166 --> 01:02:11,291
{\an8}Yeah. I guess I should also apologize
for asking you to get me a Pepsi.
1211
01:02:11,375 --> 01:02:12,291
{\an8}[Happy] Diet.
1212
01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:17,375
Gilmore.
1213
01:02:18,125 --> 01:02:19,875
Shooter McGavin.
1214
01:02:19,958 --> 01:02:25,791
Last time I saw you, you were running away
in slow motion with my gold jacket.
1215
01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:27,291
That was my jacket!
1216
01:02:27,375 --> 01:02:30,625
Take it. I've got five others.
1217
01:02:31,750 --> 01:02:33,000
[exhales in frustration]
1218
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:36,041
God! You would never
have won them if I wasn't--
1219
01:02:36,125 --> 01:02:38,250
What? In the loony bin?
1220
01:02:38,916 --> 01:02:40,750
You stole my life from me.
1221
01:02:40,833 --> 01:02:44,500
Now, why would I want
to steal the life of somebody
1222
01:02:45,416 --> 01:02:48,333
who eats pieces of shit…
1223
01:02:48,416 --> 01:02:51,166
-Oh, you…
-…for breakfast?
1224
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:53,583
[chuckles, yells]
1225
01:02:55,250 --> 01:02:58,500
{\an8}-[both groaning]
-[grunts]
1226
01:02:59,375 --> 01:03:02,333
{\an8}Game over, bitch. [choking]
1227
01:03:04,625 --> 01:03:05,625
-Come on.
-Okay.
1228
01:03:05,708 --> 01:03:07,583
-Let's go.
-We're gonna fist fight?
1229
01:03:07,666 --> 01:03:08,666
-Want this?
-Yeah.
1230
01:03:08,750 --> 01:03:10,958
You sure you want that? Come on.
1231
01:03:11,041 --> 01:03:13,166
[both grunting]
1232
01:03:18,625 --> 01:03:19,458
{\an8}Come here, now.
1233
01:03:20,708 --> 01:03:22,416
[pants] That was for you, Grandma.
1234
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,583
{\an8}I am so sorry I lost the house again.
1235
01:03:24,666 --> 01:03:25,916
{\an8}-Truly.
-Hi, Grandma.
1236
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:28,458
-Don't you ever talk to my grandma!
-[yells]
1237
01:03:28,541 --> 01:03:29,750
{\an8}[grunts] Come on.
1238
01:03:31,125 --> 01:03:33,083
-[yells] Jackass!
-[groans]
1239
01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,666
[both panting]
1240
01:03:44,583 --> 01:03:46,041
That was round one.
1241
01:03:46,125 --> 01:03:49,416
We are done, son.
You can tell everybody you won.
1242
01:03:50,500 --> 01:03:53,666
Should I put my hair in a bun
just for fun?
1243
01:03:53,750 --> 01:03:56,791
And play one-on-one with Attila the Hun?
1244
01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:59,625
-Oh, boy. That was good. Round two.
-[groans]
1245
01:04:00,208 --> 01:04:01,833
Okay. We're even.
1246
01:04:01,916 --> 01:04:03,541
Come on. You love this.
1247
01:04:04,416 --> 01:04:06,833
-Get up. Absolutely.
-Thanks, man.
1248
01:04:06,916 --> 01:04:10,375
Okay. Hey.
Are your hip ligaments cut in half?
1249
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458
I don't think so.
1250
01:04:12,541 --> 01:04:14,916
Anyone ever stick a shoe up your ass?
1251
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,666
Not that I can recollect.
1252
01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:18,875
You realize these are strange questions?
1253
01:04:18,958 --> 01:04:22,250
Apparently, if a certain hip ligament
is not attached,
1254
01:04:22,333 --> 01:04:23,791
you can hit the ball farther.
1255
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:28,208
Oh. No. I always powered my drives
the old-fashioned way. With rage.
1256
01:04:28,291 --> 01:04:29,416
Yeah.
1257
01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:31,791
You want to get out of these pajamas?
I live around here.
1258
01:04:31,875 --> 01:04:32,916
Yeah, thanks.
1259
01:04:33,541 --> 01:04:39,041
{\an8}Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
1260
01:04:43,375 --> 01:04:44,416
[yelps]
1261
01:04:45,041 --> 01:04:47,416
They issued a warrant
for your arrest, Dad.
1262
01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:49,333
[Wayne] Yeah, hide in the basement.
1263
01:04:49,416 --> 01:04:51,458
I should just turn myself in.
Get it over with.
1264
01:04:51,541 --> 01:04:54,541
-We'll ask the lawyer when he gets here.
-You hired a lawyer?
1265
01:04:54,625 --> 01:04:56,750
Okay. How do I look?
1266
01:04:57,250 --> 01:04:59,291
[Bobby] You look like my frickin' dad.
1267
01:04:59,375 --> 01:05:00,416
[chuckles] Yeah.
1268
01:05:00,500 --> 01:05:03,083
At least I'm not wearing
that ridiculous Bruins jersey.
1269
01:05:03,166 --> 01:05:04,041
Uh-oh.
1270
01:05:04,125 --> 01:05:06,416
[all shouting indistinctly]
1271
01:05:06,500 --> 01:05:07,625
Okay.
1272
01:05:07,708 --> 01:05:09,375
-[knock on door]
-[shouting stops]
1273
01:05:09,458 --> 01:05:10,416
Okay, get the door.
1274
01:05:14,541 --> 01:05:18,458
Mr. Gilmore. Mr. McGavin. John Daly.
1275
01:05:18,541 --> 01:05:20,666
-Nice to see you again.
-[snores]
1276
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:23,375
You're the lawyer?
I thought you were the IRS guy.
1277
01:05:23,458 --> 01:05:26,416
I was, but I got tired
of everybody hating me
1278
01:05:26,500 --> 01:05:28,708
and occasionally being thrown
through a glass door.
1279
01:05:28,791 --> 01:05:29,958
You hate me, don't you?
1280
01:05:31,541 --> 01:05:33,000
[grunting]
1281
01:05:34,083 --> 01:05:36,125
-Right.
-So, I went to law school.
1282
01:05:36,916 --> 01:05:40,250
You didn't want to be hated anymore,
so you became a lawyer?
1283
01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:41,333
[all laughing]
1284
01:05:41,416 --> 01:05:43,375
-[Happy] That's funny.
-Lawyers are snobs.
1285
01:05:43,458 --> 01:05:44,875
-Pieces of shit.
-Pieces of shit.
1286
01:05:45,708 --> 01:05:47,583
Let's sit. Lots to talk about.
1287
01:05:47,666 --> 01:05:49,916
{\an8}Let me just have a little shower…
1288
01:05:50,583 --> 01:05:52,416
This girl's got some body on her.
1289
01:05:52,500 --> 01:05:56,333
Hey, we do not objectify women anymore.
1290
01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:58,583
-[squirt]
-What?
1291
01:05:58,666 --> 01:06:03,333
Okay, great. Uh, looks like the DA
has withdrawn the arrest warrant.
1292
01:06:03,416 --> 01:06:04,291
What?
1293
01:06:04,375 --> 01:06:06,625
Even though you appeared to some onlookers
1294
01:06:06,708 --> 01:06:08,458
to be inebriated at the tournament,
1295
01:06:08,541 --> 01:06:10,208
you weren't administered an alcohol test.
1296
01:06:10,291 --> 01:06:12,208
-And… I have better news.
-[Happy] Yes?
1297
01:06:12,291 --> 01:06:14,208
You came in sixth at that tournament.
1298
01:06:14,291 --> 01:06:17,166
That's right. I forgot about that.
How much did I win?
1299
01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:18,916
Uh, $496,000.
1300
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,291
-Oh, my God!
-No way!
1301
01:06:20,375 --> 01:06:21,916
-No! What?
-Holy shit!
1302
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,083
[Happy] Baby! Yay!
1303
01:06:24,166 --> 01:06:25,833
Now you're really gonna hate me.
1304
01:06:25,916 --> 01:06:31,041
The tour is fining you
$500,000 for bad behavior.
1305
01:06:31,125 --> 01:06:33,958
So he lost $37,000?
1306
01:06:34,041 --> 01:06:35,541
No. It's $33,000, Dad.
1307
01:06:35,625 --> 01:06:39,041
It's $4,000, you buffoons.
How is that good news?
1308
01:06:39,125 --> 01:06:42,333
Well, you came in sixth,
but the winner, Billy Jenkins,
1309
01:06:42,416 --> 01:06:45,833
opted out of the tour team
because he's playing for the bad guys.
1310
01:06:45,916 --> 01:06:47,208
So you made the team.
1311
01:06:47,291 --> 01:06:49,291
-Dad, that's great!
-Whoa! Okay, Pop.
1312
01:06:49,375 --> 01:06:51,625
They don't want me. I'm a disgrace.
1313
01:06:51,708 --> 01:06:53,291
A freaking embarrassment.
1314
01:06:53,375 --> 01:06:55,250
Let's go outside, Dad, for a second.
1315
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:56,958
Next.
1316
01:07:00,625 --> 01:07:04,375
Well, Shooter,
due to Mr. Manatee's sworn statement,
1317
01:07:04,458 --> 01:07:08,583
you are now technically an escapee
from a mental institution.
1318
01:07:08,666 --> 01:07:11,125
[laughs] Welcome to the club.
1319
01:07:11,208 --> 01:07:12,041
[squirts]
1320
01:07:12,916 --> 01:07:15,916
Dad, it doesn't matter
if you play for that team or not.
1321
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:17,375
You have to stop drinking.
1322
01:07:17,458 --> 01:07:18,541
I did. It's just--
1323
01:07:18,625 --> 01:07:21,250
Just nothing.
You gotta find peace somehow.
1324
01:07:21,333 --> 01:07:23,333
There's no peace. I…
1325
01:07:23,416 --> 01:07:25,166
The reason I joined that tour again
1326
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,208
was to get you the future you deserve,
and I lost $4,000.
1327
01:07:28,291 --> 01:07:31,041
You think if you made that money
I could leave you like this?
1328
01:07:31,125 --> 01:07:33,541
It's not your job to take care of me.
I told you.
1329
01:07:33,625 --> 01:07:36,291
-Of course it is. We're family.
-You're stuck with us.
1330
01:07:36,375 --> 01:07:37,500
Yeah, come on, Dad.
1331
01:07:37,583 --> 01:07:39,541
I don't want you to be stuck with me.
1332
01:07:39,625 --> 01:07:41,166
You didn't do nothing wrong. It's me.
1333
01:07:41,916 --> 01:07:43,791
I think this person could help.
1334
01:07:47,791 --> 01:07:50,958
Hey, you gotta put
a little mustard on that ball
1335
01:07:51,041 --> 01:07:55,291
so it doesn't get stuck
where the pirate hide his, uh, uh…
1336
01:07:55,375 --> 01:07:56,583
booty and shit.
1337
01:07:56,666 --> 01:07:58,166
The hold?
1338
01:07:58,250 --> 01:08:00,958
Yeah, the hold. Get at it, kiddies.
1339
01:08:01,041 --> 01:08:03,625
-Thank you!
-Are you Slim Peterson?
1340
01:08:03,708 --> 01:08:05,250
That's what they call me.
1341
01:08:05,333 --> 01:08:08,333
Your dad Chubbs was my teacher.
My name's Happy Gilmore--
1342
01:08:08,416 --> 01:08:09,708
I know who you are.
1343
01:08:09,791 --> 01:08:15,375
Hey, you gotta hit it under the octopus
and bank it off one of his leg things.
1344
01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:16,458
The tentacles?
1345
01:08:16,541 --> 01:08:18,708
Yeah, testicles. Now, what was you saying?
1346
01:08:18,791 --> 01:08:21,000
[Happy] I need to talk to you
for a few minutes.
1347
01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,666
Damn, mosquitoes. They everywhere.
1348
01:08:23,750 --> 01:08:25,083
-What…
-Look at them.
1349
01:08:26,625 --> 01:08:27,708
Alligator?
1350
01:08:27,791 --> 01:08:30,208
No, vending machine.
I didn't have enough change.
1351
01:08:30,291 --> 01:08:33,166
Had to reach up there to get
my Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies.
1352
01:08:33,750 --> 01:08:37,333
Man, looking at you just reminded me
of what I did to you.
1353
01:08:37,416 --> 01:08:38,583
What'd you do to me?
1354
01:08:38,666 --> 01:08:41,208
What I did to my own kids. Stole a parent.
1355
01:08:41,291 --> 01:08:43,375
Man, you gotta forgive yourself for that.
1356
01:08:43,458 --> 01:08:44,583
[Happy] Don't want to.
1357
01:08:44,666 --> 01:08:46,500
I didn't want to forgive you either,
1358
01:08:46,583 --> 01:08:48,708
because it was easier to hate you
1359
01:08:48,791 --> 01:08:51,916
than to deal with the fact
that my daddy wasn't coming back.
1360
01:08:52,583 --> 01:08:56,208
It's kind of like I was using hate
to keep him alive.
1361
01:08:56,291 --> 01:08:59,541
But once I forgave you,
I became myself again.
1362
01:08:59,625 --> 01:09:02,458
And that's who I knew
my daddy wanted me to be.
1363
01:09:05,416 --> 01:09:09,375
[sighs] You loved your wife.
You loved my dad.
1364
01:09:09,458 --> 01:09:11,375
And they loved you, period.
1365
01:09:11,458 --> 01:09:14,250
You know what else they loved? Golf.
1366
01:09:14,333 --> 01:09:15,791
Oh, my God, yeah.
1367
01:09:15,875 --> 01:09:17,458
I talked to your little girl,
1368
01:09:17,541 --> 01:09:20,291
and she said you got a chance
to save the whole sport
1369
01:09:20,375 --> 01:09:22,875
by playing against some clown league?
1370
01:09:22,958 --> 01:09:26,208
Yeah, well, why don't you go kick
some bozo ass then?
1371
01:09:26,291 --> 01:09:27,666
Let's do it for them.
1372
01:09:30,208 --> 01:09:32,000
I am so sorry.
1373
01:09:32,083 --> 01:09:34,250
Boy, why you had to squeeze it like that?
1374
01:09:34,333 --> 01:09:36,166
I will throw these out. I can…
1375
01:09:36,250 --> 01:09:38,250
Give them here. I got some Gorilla Glue.
1376
01:09:38,333 --> 01:09:39,750
Yeah, love you, buddy.
1377
01:09:39,833 --> 01:09:41,708
Yeah, man, thank you for stopping by.
1378
01:09:43,583 --> 01:09:46,250
You know, we could use some help.
1379
01:09:46,333 --> 01:09:50,958
Oh, about time somebody
recognized my genius. Say less.
1380
01:09:51,041 --> 01:09:52,250
Okay, okay.
1381
01:09:52,333 --> 01:09:53,958
Where do you think you're going, Slim?
1382
01:09:54,041 --> 01:09:56,041
I'm going to help save golf, Charley.
1383
01:09:56,125 --> 01:10:00,041
If you leave now, you ain't ever
coming back, you big pork chop.
1384
01:10:00,125 --> 01:10:04,125
Damn straight I ain't never coming back,
you fine-ass English hillbilly.
1385
01:10:04,875 --> 01:10:06,208
[Doug] Welcome, gentlemen.
1386
01:10:06,291 --> 01:10:09,625
You are the five golfers
who will represent our tour
1387
01:10:09,708 --> 01:10:12,541
in the grudge match
against the Maxi League.
1388
01:10:13,125 --> 01:10:16,375
I don't have to tell you
how important it is that we beat them.
1389
01:10:16,458 --> 01:10:20,666
And here to talk about how we're going to
accomplish that is Shooter McGavin.
1390
01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,083
Thank you, Doug. I'll take it from here.
1391
01:10:25,291 --> 01:10:27,166
I want to talk to you about pressure.
1392
01:10:27,958 --> 01:10:31,333
Now, as the most successful golfer
of the '90s,
1393
01:10:31,958 --> 01:10:34,666
I've faced my share, believe me,
1394
01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:37,625
but nothing like my 30 years in the can.
1395
01:10:37,708 --> 01:10:41,125
And if I let my guard down there
for a nanosecond…
1396
01:10:41,833 --> 01:10:43,000
-Stab!
-[gasps]
1397
01:10:43,541 --> 01:10:46,166
I got a shiv in my guts.
1398
01:10:46,916 --> 01:10:49,833
Anyway, I hear you guys
all have ice water in your veins.
1399
01:10:49,916 --> 01:10:53,541
Well, I reviewed the footage
and I ain't seeing it.
1400
01:10:53,625 --> 01:10:55,791
-Man, what's happening right now?
-Uh…
1401
01:10:55,875 --> 01:10:57,000
Bryson DeChambeau.
1402
01:10:58,125 --> 01:11:01,125
{\an8}2022 Portland Open. Eighth hole.
1403
01:11:01,208 --> 01:11:02,833
You got a two-stroke lead.
1404
01:11:02,916 --> 01:11:06,125
You got an opportunity
to pull way ahead and… [clicks tongue]
1405
01:11:07,333 --> 01:11:08,833
-[crowd] Aw!
-What?
1406
01:11:10,458 --> 01:11:11,583
Huh?
1407
01:11:12,541 --> 01:11:13,791
Oops.
1408
01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,875
Come on. We all miss a putt
every now and then.
1409
01:11:16,958 --> 01:11:18,750
Scottie Scheffler.
1410
01:11:19,708 --> 01:11:20,625
Oh, boy.
1411
01:11:20,708 --> 01:11:22,958
2019 Cadillac Invitational.
1412
01:11:23,041 --> 01:11:25,416
Third hole. You're tied.
Top of the leaderboard.
1413
01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:28,625
It's Sunday. Pressure's on. And you…
1414
01:11:30,458 --> 01:11:32,166
{\an8}[crowd exclaim in disappointment]
1415
01:11:32,250 --> 01:11:33,541
Hmm. Into the woods.
1416
01:11:34,291 --> 01:11:37,208
The woods, Scottie? Are you afraid to win?
1417
01:11:37,291 --> 01:11:39,333
-What about you?
-What?
1418
01:11:39,416 --> 01:11:42,750
Yeah. 1996 Tour Championship. Final round.
1419
01:11:42,833 --> 01:11:43,791
Don't do it, boys.
1420
01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:45,583
No. This isn't relevant.
1421
01:11:45,666 --> 01:11:47,500
Four-stroke lead on the back nine?
1422
01:11:47,583 --> 01:11:49,875
The guy who beat you
got hit by a Volkswagen.
1423
01:11:49,958 --> 01:11:50,916
-Jackass!
-Jackass!
1424
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:55,375
All right! Maybe I haven't handled
the pressure perfectly myself,
1425
01:11:55,458 --> 01:11:58,375
but I have seen the surgically modified
freaks that you're playing.
1426
01:11:58,458 --> 01:12:01,583
I have seen the monstrosity
they're making you play on.
1427
01:12:01,666 --> 01:12:07,291
And if you can't take the heat,
golf, as we know it, it's finished!
1428
01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:11,166
So let's do this!
1429
01:12:11,250 --> 01:12:12,958
Come on. Let's put them in.
1430
01:12:13,041 --> 01:12:14,041
All right. On three.
1431
01:12:14,125 --> 01:12:15,875
-One, two, three… Shooter!
-[players] Golf!
1432
01:12:21,291 --> 01:12:23,500
Time to prepare for a moving target.
1433
01:12:23,583 --> 01:12:24,875
The cups are gonna be moving?
1434
01:12:24,958 --> 01:12:27,291
Damn it, Rory.
Nothing's off-limits for these commies.
1435
01:12:27,375 --> 01:12:29,416
-Now, Oscar's cousin…
-Esteban.
1436
01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:33,625
Esteban is fast. And elusive, I'm told.
1437
01:12:33,708 --> 01:12:35,208
He's gonna start at the red flag.
1438
01:12:35,291 --> 01:12:38,708
If he makes it to the blue flag,
we haven't done our jobs.
1439
01:12:38,791 --> 01:12:40,291
He's cool with us hitting him?
1440
01:12:40,375 --> 01:12:41,458
Yeah. He's been paid.
1441
01:12:41,541 --> 01:12:44,791
-[shouts in Spanish]
-[in English] What did he say?
1442
01:12:44,875 --> 01:12:46,375
You're never gonna hit him.
1443
01:12:46,458 --> 01:12:47,583
Oh, yeah? How come?
1444
01:12:47,666 --> 01:12:49,500
I'm shifty!
1445
01:12:49,583 --> 01:12:51,875
Okay, he's shifty. He is. I've seen it.
1446
01:12:51,958 --> 01:12:53,166
[blows whistle]
1447
01:12:53,833 --> 01:12:55,750
♪ Get your biscuits in the kitchen ♪
1448
01:12:55,833 --> 01:12:57,291
♪ I'm a sous chef on a mission ♪
1449
01:12:57,375 --> 01:12:59,375
♪ Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious ♪
1450
01:12:59,458 --> 01:13:01,500
♪ We about to break the dishes ♪
1451
01:13:01,583 --> 01:13:03,583
♪ Got the pepper with the sodium ♪
1452
01:13:03,666 --> 01:13:06,666
♪ We cookin' with petroleumCome step up to the podium ♪
1453
01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:07,666
It's too easy!
1454
01:13:07,750 --> 01:13:08,875
♪ And cut up this linoleum ♪
1455
01:13:08,958 --> 01:13:10,791
[laughs, groans]
1456
01:13:10,875 --> 01:13:12,125
Yeah!
1457
01:13:12,750 --> 01:13:13,750
You got me! [laughs]
1458
01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,375
[in Spanish] Come on, cousin.
You're almost there.
1459
01:13:19,291 --> 01:13:21,666
[grunting]
1460
01:13:23,833 --> 01:13:25,416
[giggling]
1461
01:13:26,708 --> 01:13:28,500
-[groans]
-[whistle blows]
1462
01:13:28,583 --> 01:13:30,625
Okay, stop! We got him. We got him.
1463
01:13:32,375 --> 01:13:33,458
[yelps]
1464
01:13:33,541 --> 01:13:34,958
I said stop! Who did that?
1465
01:13:38,083 --> 01:13:40,791
[Happy] Oscar. You sicko.
1466
01:13:41,791 --> 01:13:43,625
-So I got a hockey question for you.
-Uh-huh.
1467
01:13:43,708 --> 01:13:45,541
I notice when the players fight,
1468
01:13:45,625 --> 01:13:48,625
one of the guys is always pulling
the jersey over the head of the other guy
1469
01:13:48,708 --> 01:13:50,375
-before he starts pounding on him.
-Right.
1470
01:13:50,458 --> 01:13:51,416
-Yeah.
-Is that hard?
1471
01:13:51,500 --> 01:13:54,416
-No, it's easy. You want me to show you?
-Yes, please.
1472
01:13:54,500 --> 01:13:56,541
Brother. Can I borrow you for a second?
1473
01:13:56,625 --> 01:13:58,916
Basically all you do
is pull the shirt over.
1474
01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:00,875
This traps the arms. You know?
1475
01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:02,500
-Yeah.
-Knockout. Money.
1476
01:14:02,583 --> 01:14:03,750
-You sure?
-Yeah.
1477
01:14:03,833 --> 01:14:05,333
Okay. How much?
1478
01:14:05,416 --> 01:14:06,666
Fifty.
1479
01:14:06,750 --> 01:14:09,958
Uh, I'll give you a hundred.
Here we go. You know what I mean?
1480
01:14:10,041 --> 01:14:11,083
Yeah. That was nice.
1481
01:14:11,166 --> 01:14:13,791
-Okay. Money.
-Okay. You got it, Scottie. I'm broke.
1482
01:14:13,875 --> 01:14:15,458
-Thank you.
-There you go. Okay.
1483
01:14:15,541 --> 01:14:17,166
Great job, today, by the way.
1484
01:14:17,250 --> 01:14:19,666
-Excellent. Yeah, it's fun.
-Yeah. That was easy.
1485
01:14:19,750 --> 01:14:21,250
I love my job.
1486
01:14:21,333 --> 01:14:26,000
Mini-golf-style putting is about
two things, angles and obstacles.
1487
01:14:26,083 --> 01:14:30,000
If you can read the angles,
you can avoid the obstacles.
1488
01:14:30,083 --> 01:14:32,958
Let's putt
so we can figure those angles out.
1489
01:14:34,041 --> 01:14:35,666
Yes! Scheffler!
1490
01:14:38,291 --> 01:14:40,333
Yeah, you're right.
1491
01:14:40,416 --> 01:14:44,833
One more day before we face these chumps.
This is how I used to toughen up.
1492
01:14:45,458 --> 01:14:46,625
[groans]
1493
01:14:48,166 --> 01:14:50,166
[yelping]
1494
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:52,333
[grunts]
1495
01:14:52,416 --> 01:14:55,250
[Happy] Oh, my God, Rory! [laughs]
1496
01:14:55,333 --> 01:14:57,250
Okay, Oscar, let's see your stuff.
1497
01:14:58,583 --> 01:14:59,458
[grunts softly]
1498
01:15:02,458 --> 01:15:03,458
[exhales]
1499
01:15:06,375 --> 01:15:07,250
[grunts]
1500
01:15:09,166 --> 01:15:10,083
[grunts]
1501
01:15:11,416 --> 01:15:15,416
♪ Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it ♪
1502
01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:19,375
-[groaning]
-Oh! Do you want breadsticks?
1503
01:15:24,125 --> 01:15:26,708
[Billy] A batting cage to toughen up?
1504
01:15:26,791 --> 01:15:29,250
I love how much we're in your head.
1505
01:15:29,333 --> 01:15:31,375
Oh, I think we're in your head, Brendan.
1506
01:15:31,458 --> 01:15:34,208
Otherwise, you wouldn't be snooping around
and following us.
1507
01:15:34,291 --> 01:15:35,291
My name is Billy.
1508
01:15:35,375 --> 01:15:36,583
Hey, settle down, Barry,
1509
01:15:36,666 --> 01:15:38,875
and get off the electric Royce.
No leaning.
1510
01:15:39,583 --> 01:15:42,708
Look, Happy, I don't want to
have to humiliate you tomorrow.
1511
01:15:43,833 --> 01:15:45,833
You're in the DNA of my league.
1512
01:15:45,916 --> 01:15:48,041
The way you rebelled
against the traditions
1513
01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:50,291
and fussiness of golf, it was beautiful.
1514
01:15:50,375 --> 01:15:53,000
So I'm gonna offer you one last chance
to be a part of it, okay?
1515
01:15:53,083 --> 01:15:53,916
[Happy] Hell no.
1516
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:57,375
And you look like Freddy Krueger
worked at Starbucks. Change it.
1517
01:15:58,041 --> 01:15:59,583
I'll give you 10% of the company.
1518
01:16:01,833 --> 01:16:04,958
I can't believe I'm the one
sticking up for tradition, but…
1519
01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:08,833
My wife liked the way
golf was played, as is.
1520
01:16:08,916 --> 01:16:11,250
And she was pretty much
right about everything.
1521
01:16:11,833 --> 01:16:15,791
So sorry, boys, but tomorrow,
your dumb league is done.
1522
01:16:15,875 --> 01:16:18,791
No, tomorrow, I'm gonna finish
the revolution you started.
1523
01:16:18,875 --> 01:16:21,000
I heard what you said
about my breath to Bubba Watson.
1524
01:16:21,083 --> 01:16:23,666
I have gingivitis. It's hereditary, okay?
1525
01:16:23,750 --> 01:16:27,166
And I got it from my great-grandfather.
So I'm so sorry.
1526
01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:29,583
I'm literally smelling it from here.
1527
01:16:29,666 --> 01:16:31,375
And the wind is blowing that way.
1528
01:16:31,458 --> 01:16:34,125
Something has to change in your life.
I'm telling you.
1529
01:16:38,083 --> 01:16:39,166
{\an8}[blaring]
1530
01:16:41,291 --> 01:16:42,416
{\an8}[blaring stops]
1531
01:16:55,333 --> 01:16:56,333
[Happy] Okay.
1532
01:16:57,458 --> 01:16:58,875
Come here. Bring it in.
1533
01:16:58,958 --> 01:17:01,833
I just wanted to say thank you guys
for always getting me back on track.
1534
01:17:01,916 --> 01:17:03,291
-I love you.
-[Vienna] Love you.
1535
01:17:03,375 --> 01:17:06,750
This ain't about Vivi going to
dance school. It's about saving golf?
1536
01:17:06,833 --> 01:17:08,250
Maybe we can do both,
1537
01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:10,375
but we will figure that out, I promise.
1538
01:17:10,458 --> 01:17:12,750
Because we're Gilmores,
and we don't know how to stop.
1539
01:17:12,833 --> 01:17:14,500
[Gordy] Hell yeah, Pop, let's go!
1540
01:17:14,583 --> 01:17:16,875
And don't forget to feed John Daly
three times a day.
1541
01:17:16,958 --> 01:17:17,791
-Okay.
-Got it.
1542
01:17:17,875 --> 01:17:19,416
-Love you guys.
-[Gordy] You heard him.
1543
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:20,750
Let's do this for Mom.
1544
01:17:20,833 --> 01:17:22,291
-[Bobby] For Mom!
-[Wayne] For Mommy.
1545
01:17:23,041 --> 01:17:24,500
-You got this.
-That's right.
1546
01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,750
That's right. She deserves it.
1547
01:17:26,833 --> 01:17:29,041
-[Bobby] Go get 'em, Dad.
-[engine splutters]
1548
01:17:29,125 --> 01:17:30,041
[Gordy] Pop…
1549
01:17:30,958 --> 01:17:31,958
-All right.
-[Terry] Yeah!
1550
01:17:32,041 --> 01:17:33,458
-[Wayne] What's going on?
-Let's go.
1551
01:17:33,541 --> 01:17:34,833
-Go Dad, you got this.
-Go Daddy!
1552
01:17:34,916 --> 01:17:36,583
-What's going on?
-[Happy] Stupid.
1553
01:17:37,291 --> 01:17:39,541
-Damn it.
-Are you kidding me?
1554
01:17:39,625 --> 01:17:42,500
[all grunting, clamoring]
1555
01:17:47,083 --> 01:17:48,250
What are you doing?
1556
01:17:48,333 --> 01:17:49,500
[Terry] What's with this guy?
1557
01:17:49,583 --> 01:17:51,166
What you doing hitting my dad's car?
1558
01:17:51,250 --> 01:17:53,208
This is a family affair, bro!
1559
01:17:53,291 --> 01:17:56,583
-[indistinct shouting]
-[Happy] Take him down, boys! Let's go!
1560
01:17:56,666 --> 01:17:59,166
-[Bobby] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-What's he doing?
1561
01:17:59,250 --> 01:18:00,625
Get him!
1562
01:18:00,708 --> 01:18:01,916
Chase him! That's right!
1563
01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:03,958
-[Gordy] Where you going?
-[Bobby] Get him!
1564
01:18:04,041 --> 01:18:05,458
What the hell is happening?
1565
01:18:09,083 --> 01:18:12,375
[Verne] Welcome to an eventunique in the annals of sport.
1566
01:18:13,083 --> 01:18:16,666
A one-time showdownbetween golf's greatest players
1567
01:18:17,250 --> 01:18:20,791
{\an8}and the wild upstartswho seek to supplant them.
1568
01:18:20,875 --> 01:18:22,583
Let's get it on.
1569
01:18:22,666 --> 01:18:25,500
Welcome to the Maxi Tour Challenge.
1570
01:18:25,583 --> 01:18:29,125
{\an8}I'm Verne Lundquist,
along with my partner, Jack Beard,
1571
01:18:29,208 --> 01:18:32,791
{\an8}and my new partner, DJ Omar Gosh.
1572
01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:35,208
{\an8}Truly bitching to be here, Verne.
1573
01:18:35,791 --> 01:18:37,791
[rock music playing]
1574
01:18:37,875 --> 01:18:39,875
[Frank] Ladies and gentlemen
of planet Earth!
1575
01:18:41,333 --> 01:18:44,833
Are you prepared to have your minds blown?
1576
01:18:44,916 --> 01:18:47,375
[crowd cheering]
1577
01:18:47,958 --> 01:18:51,791
I'm tippy-toeing.
I said I'm tip-- Thank you.
1578
01:18:51,875 --> 01:18:56,458
{\an8}I said are you guys ready to see some golfso exciting your heads will explode?
1579
01:18:56,541 --> 01:18:57,625
Whoo!
1580
01:18:58,416 --> 01:19:00,958
{\an8}[Frank] Here are the Maxi Golfers!
1581
01:19:01,041 --> 01:19:03,000
{\an8}-[crowd cheering]
-[woman] Go Harley!
1582
01:19:03,083 --> 01:19:04,875
[Frank] We've got Harley…
1583
01:19:05,833 --> 01:19:06,875
Flex!
1584
01:19:07,916 --> 01:19:08,916
Screech!
1585
01:19:09,583 --> 01:19:10,875
8 Ball!
1586
01:19:11,500 --> 01:19:15,041
And Tour Champion Billy Jenkins!
1587
01:19:15,125 --> 01:19:17,750
["Eye Of The Tiger" playing]
1588
01:19:27,625 --> 01:19:29,916
And now let's welcome their opponents,
1589
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,958
the Basic Vanilla Regular Golfers.
1590
01:19:33,041 --> 01:19:35,416
-Boo!
-[crowd booing]
1591
01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:37,666
["Goodbye to You" playing]
1592
01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:39,875
♪ Goodbye to you ♪
1593
01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:42,875
♪ Goodbye to you ♪
1594
01:19:42,958 --> 01:19:45,041
Holy shit! Is that Shooter McGavin?
1595
01:19:45,625 --> 01:19:47,000
[Frank] Look who decided to show.
1596
01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:48,958
You never finished your pancakes,
by the way.
1597
01:19:49,041 --> 01:19:50,750
You want coffee in your other eye?
1598
01:19:50,833 --> 01:19:54,291
Ha! Get a furlough
from the Funny Farm, Shitter?
1599
01:19:54,375 --> 01:19:56,791
-Laugh it up Blue Balls.
-It's 8 Ball!
1600
01:19:56,875 --> 01:19:59,416
Your name's Davis Miller.
You're my brother's college roommate.
1601
01:19:59,500 --> 01:20:02,500
It's 8 Ball now!
Tell him I said what's up.
1602
01:20:02,583 --> 01:20:05,416
You guys get these clothes
from the Lost and Found at Comic-Con?
1603
01:20:05,500 --> 01:20:07,916
Did you get these melons
from your mommy? Yeah?
1604
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,833
Don't twist my boy's titties!
Those are mine!
1605
01:20:09,916 --> 01:20:13,500
-Hey, I'll twist your head off, slap-nuts!
-[shouting, clamoring]
1606
01:20:13,583 --> 01:20:15,916
Break it up! All right, knock it off!
1607
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:18,625
Golfers, we have a seven-hole course.
1608
01:20:18,708 --> 01:20:22,000
First up, Mr. Scheffler
going up against Mr. Harley.
1609
01:20:22,083 --> 01:20:25,791
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's play some Maxi Golf!
1610
01:20:25,875 --> 01:20:27,500
[crowd cheering]
1611
01:20:27,583 --> 01:20:31,291
-[John] Let's drink up! Come on, let's go!
-Yeah! All right! Whoo!
1612
01:20:31,375 --> 01:20:32,625
-Here.
-No, I'm good.
1613
01:20:34,500 --> 01:20:35,791
-You got your own.
-Mmm.
1614
01:20:35,875 --> 01:20:37,333
-I want to try that.
-Mmm-mmm.
1615
01:20:38,041 --> 01:20:41,291
[Verne] And so it begins, hole number one.
1616
01:20:41,375 --> 01:20:43,916
Best of five matches,
so we only gotta win three of them today.
1617
01:20:44,000 --> 01:20:45,791
I say we sweep these goofy bitches.
1618
01:20:45,875 --> 01:20:47,291
-That's a good idea.
-[Bryson] Yeah.
1619
01:20:50,833 --> 01:20:54,000
The fairway's a forest?
I don't even know where to lay up.
1620
01:20:54,083 --> 01:20:56,250
Or you don't lay-up,
1621
01:20:56,333 --> 01:20:59,833
and you crush the ball
500 yards over the trees.
1622
01:21:09,500 --> 01:21:10,541
Whoa.
1623
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:19,291
[Verne] And Harley clearsthe entire forest.
1624
01:21:19,375 --> 01:21:21,375
[crowd cheering]
1625
01:21:21,458 --> 01:21:24,333
You ain't number one
on this tour, chump. [sniffs]
1626
01:21:25,458 --> 01:21:27,125
You smell like my stepfather.
1627
01:21:28,541 --> 01:21:31,333
Let's go, Scottie.
Come on, now. Let's shake that off.
1628
01:21:31,416 --> 01:21:32,875
[man] You the man, Scottie!
1629
01:21:33,541 --> 01:21:35,208
Miss it! Miss it!
1630
01:21:35,916 --> 01:21:36,750
[sighs]
1631
01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:41,083
[all exclaim]
1632
01:21:44,583 --> 01:21:46,250
[Verne] Quite An impressive right cross,
1633
01:21:46,333 --> 01:21:49,541
{\an8}but Scottie Scheffleris going to be disqualified
1634
01:21:49,625 --> 01:21:51,708
{\an8}before ever swinging a club.
1635
01:21:51,791 --> 01:21:54,416
Whoo! That was some gangster shit.
1636
01:21:54,500 --> 01:21:57,000
Gangster shit indeed.
1637
01:21:57,083 --> 01:21:58,250
There goes the sweep.
1638
01:21:58,333 --> 01:21:59,333
Yeah.
1639
01:22:00,791 --> 01:22:02,666
Oh, no, not again.
1640
01:22:02,750 --> 01:22:04,750
-[officer] Come on.
-[Scottie] I know the drill.
1641
01:22:05,666 --> 01:22:07,500
-Bye-bye!
-Sorry, boys.
1642
01:22:07,583 --> 01:22:09,916
[Happy] We'll take care of business,
all right?
1643
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:13,041
{\an8}Next on the tee, Rory McIlroy and Screech.
1644
01:22:13,125 --> 01:22:14,875
[crowd cheering]
1645
01:22:15,458 --> 01:22:17,875
-[chainsaw whirring]
-[laughs]
1646
01:22:17,958 --> 01:22:18,916
Screech?
1647
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:20,000
They call me Screech
1648
01:22:20,083 --> 01:22:23,916
'cause that's the sound my chainsaw makes
every time I tear up a golf course.
1649
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:26,083
Isn't Screech a character
in Saved by the Bell?
1650
01:22:27,291 --> 01:22:28,833
I'm not familiar with that program.
1651
01:22:28,916 --> 01:22:31,125
He was like the comic relief on the show.
1652
01:22:31,208 --> 01:22:33,000
Yeah, like the white Urkel.
1653
01:22:33,083 --> 01:22:34,875
Nobody cares about that '90s shit!
1654
01:22:35,791 --> 01:22:36,708
Those guys do.
1655
01:22:36,791 --> 01:22:37,833
I love you, Screech!
1656
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:41,208
-[cheering]
-[laughs]
1657
01:22:41,791 --> 01:22:43,666
Let's just play Maxi Golf, all right?
1658
01:22:46,958 --> 01:22:50,333
[Verne] The rest of the Maxi teamhas no problem clearing the trees.
1659
01:22:54,541 --> 01:22:56,791
The regular golfers, not so much.
1660
01:22:57,500 --> 01:23:00,125
-[engines start]
-[caddie] Go, go!
1661
01:23:00,208 --> 01:23:01,666
[Rory] Hold on! I'm speeding!
1662
01:23:01,750 --> 01:23:04,750
[both whoop]
1663
01:23:04,833 --> 01:23:06,791
-There it is! Right there!
-Yeah, okay.
1664
01:23:08,166 --> 01:23:10,000
Oh, my God. There goes the 8.
1665
01:23:10,791 --> 01:23:12,583
[laughing]
1666
01:23:12,666 --> 01:23:13,625
[Happy] Shut up!
1667
01:23:13,708 --> 01:23:15,666
[yells, laughs]
1668
01:23:15,750 --> 01:23:18,125
Here we go! To the right! Whoo!
1669
01:23:18,958 --> 01:23:20,375
[both whooping]
1670
01:23:20,458 --> 01:23:22,083
-[grunts]
-Yeah!
1671
01:23:22,166 --> 01:23:24,041
[8 ball] Looking a little tired, Bry-Bry.
1672
01:23:24,125 --> 01:23:26,166
You're looking like
you wanna go for a swim, Davis.
1673
01:23:26,250 --> 01:23:28,916
This is the new golf, Bryson,
and it's 8 Ball!
1674
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:31,500
[cheering]
1675
01:23:37,125 --> 01:23:38,208
Where's my ball?
1676
01:23:38,291 --> 01:23:39,833
Bad shot, Happy.
1677
01:23:39,916 --> 01:23:42,916
This'll make you feel better.
How about you take just a sip?
1678
01:23:47,333 --> 01:23:48,208
[gulps]
1679
01:23:49,208 --> 01:23:52,333
-[burps]
-[chuckles] Wow.
1680
01:23:52,416 --> 01:23:56,166
We're doing a breath contest?
Yeah, I'd walk away too, pal.
1681
01:23:56,250 --> 01:23:58,750
[Verne] McIlroy's tee shot landedin the right bunker,
1682
01:23:58,833 --> 01:24:02,083
which, like much of this hole,appears to be on fire.
1683
01:24:04,250 --> 01:24:05,625
[yelps, yells]
1684
01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:06,791
Screech!
1685
01:24:06,875 --> 01:24:08,458
-[both yell]
-[crashes]
1686
01:24:08,541 --> 01:24:09,500
[both cheer]
1687
01:24:10,208 --> 01:24:13,208
[crowd exclaiming, cheering]
1688
01:24:13,291 --> 01:24:14,458
Yeah!
1689
01:24:15,958 --> 01:24:17,666
Viva regular golf!
1690
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:21,375
Hey, man. I'm gonna change the channel.
1691
01:24:21,458 --> 01:24:24,000
Frankie, sit your ass down.
We're watching golf.
1692
01:24:24,708 --> 01:24:26,166
All right. I'm sorry.
1693
01:24:28,375 --> 01:24:29,875
Get in the hole.
1694
01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:36,416
-[Verne] Oh! Wow!-[both laughing]
1695
01:24:37,833 --> 01:24:40,958
-That's what I'm talking about, baby.
-[crowd gasps]
1696
01:24:41,041 --> 01:24:43,458
God damn it, I just washed that.
1697
01:24:43,541 --> 01:24:46,375
[Verne] It seems like nothingis gonna slow Gilmore down.
1698
01:24:46,458 --> 01:24:49,250
All right. See you try
and beat this one, Happy.
1699
01:24:52,666 --> 01:24:54,083
[man 1] Let's go, Gilmore!
1700
01:24:55,833 --> 01:24:57,416
-[man 2] You jackass.
-What the…
1701
01:24:58,041 --> 01:24:59,375
-[ball splashes]
-[crowd] Oh!
1702
01:24:59,458 --> 01:25:02,541
Are you kidding me right now?
You just cost me the hole, dude!
1703
01:25:02,625 --> 01:25:05,750
[laughing] Happy Gilmore.
1704
01:25:05,833 --> 01:25:07,958
Man, I wish my father
was here to see this.
1705
01:25:08,041 --> 01:25:09,125
Ya jackass.
1706
01:25:09,208 --> 01:25:10,166
Jackass.
1707
01:25:10,250 --> 01:25:11,708
-Jackass!
-[man] There he is.
1708
01:25:11,791 --> 01:25:15,791
Unfortunately… [kisses]
…he's in the great Sizzler in the sky.
1709
01:25:15,875 --> 01:25:18,000
Know what? I don't miss that dude at all.
1710
01:25:18,083 --> 01:25:19,875
What are you gonna do, Happy boy?
1711
01:25:19,958 --> 01:25:23,083
Unless you wanna go to jail,
you can't hit me. Jackass.
1712
01:25:23,166 --> 01:25:24,708
Oh, my goodness!
1713
01:25:24,791 --> 01:25:27,125
Yeah… but we can.
1714
01:25:27,208 --> 01:25:28,125
[Happy] You guys came?
1715
01:25:28,208 --> 01:25:29,708
[Donald Jr.] This your posse?
1716
01:25:29,791 --> 01:25:31,625
-This is what I do.
-Okay, let's see.
1717
01:25:31,708 --> 01:25:33,750
There's only four of you?
Better go get some help!
1718
01:25:34,458 --> 01:25:36,500
-[Happy] Okay. Okay.
-[yells]
1719
01:25:36,583 --> 01:25:39,500
-Come on! Get him up, boys!
-I know a lot about fighting.
1720
01:25:39,583 --> 01:25:42,708
I'll bite your leg off.
You want some smoke? [yelps]
1721
01:25:43,666 --> 01:25:44,500
[laughing]
1722
01:25:44,583 --> 01:25:47,666
[Donald Jr.] This ain't nothing.
Now you got me really pissed.
1723
01:25:47,750 --> 01:25:49,916
Oh, what is this? You want some of this?
1724
01:25:50,000 --> 01:25:51,208
Look at the gators!
1725
01:25:51,291 --> 01:25:53,958
You brought the whole family. [yells]
1726
01:25:54,041 --> 01:25:55,208
Oh, my dick!
1727
01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:57,416
Oh! Whoa! Detroit!
1728
01:25:57,500 --> 01:25:58,791
[laughing]
1729
01:25:58,875 --> 01:26:00,583
I just don't give a--
1730
01:26:00,666 --> 01:26:02,291
-[bleeping]
-[muffled shouting]
1731
01:26:02,375 --> 01:26:04,291
[all laughing]
1732
01:26:04,375 --> 01:26:06,291
Put some respect on my name, bitch.
1733
01:26:06,375 --> 01:26:09,875
-What is he doing to those gators?
-Jackass!
1734
01:26:10,750 --> 01:26:13,791
Well, it looks like we have
our first fatality.
1735
01:26:14,666 --> 01:26:16,041
{\an8}Whoo!
1736
01:26:16,125 --> 01:26:17,625
{\an8}[Verne] If you can believe it,
1737
01:26:17,708 --> 01:26:20,166
{\an8}the Maxi Golfersare up two matches to one,
1738
01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:21,833
{\an8}which means Koepka and Gilmore
1739
01:26:21,916 --> 01:26:25,750
{\an8}are going to have to win outin order to defeat the Maxi team.
1740
01:26:25,833 --> 01:26:28,041
{\an8}[woman] All right there, Flex!
Come on, Flex!
1741
01:26:29,250 --> 01:26:31,125
-[ball whizzing]
-[Happy] Boom!
1742
01:26:35,291 --> 01:26:36,916
-[woman] Nice shot, hottie!
-Ooh!
1743
01:26:37,000 --> 01:26:39,083
No pressure, Boobs Getchya.
1744
01:26:39,166 --> 01:26:41,458
[Guy] Next on the tee, Brooks Koepka.
1745
01:26:41,541 --> 01:26:45,458
[Verne] To me, the smartest playis to come up short of the icy green
1746
01:26:45,541 --> 01:26:48,125
and give yourself a chance to chip it in.
1747
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:55,333
[crowd cheering]
1748
01:26:55,416 --> 01:26:57,333
Yes! Oh, God! [grunts]
1749
01:26:58,583 --> 01:27:00,541
Sorry, guys.
I knew I shouldn't have fist-pumped.
1750
01:27:00,625 --> 01:27:02,000
[Frank] Sucks for you guys.
1751
01:27:02,083 --> 01:27:04,916
-Another disqualification. Game over.
-[team laughing]
1752
01:27:05,000 --> 01:27:09,416
No, wait. In the event of an injury,
we have the right to substitute.
1753
01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:10,625
All right, fine. Fine.
1754
01:27:11,500 --> 01:27:12,583
Who you guys got?
1755
01:27:12,666 --> 01:27:14,333
The one and only.
1756
01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:17,666
[slurping]
1757
01:27:19,750 --> 01:27:20,750
What's that now?
1758
01:27:21,916 --> 01:27:24,666
{\an8}[Verne] And a wild dayjust got a bit wilder.
1759
01:27:24,750 --> 01:27:27,458
{\an8}Shooter McGavin will take overfor Brooks Koepka
1760
01:27:27,541 --> 01:27:30,666
{\an8}here on the sixth holeand the putt from Flex.
1761
01:27:33,541 --> 01:27:35,500
Oh, it's off course.
1762
01:27:35,583 --> 01:27:38,416
-[yelling in anger]
-I think I see an opening.
1763
01:27:38,500 --> 01:27:41,125
Let's go, Scooter! Clock's a-tickin'!
1764
01:27:41,208 --> 01:27:43,458
This is a joke.
I'm not a competitive golfer anymore.
1765
01:27:43,541 --> 01:27:46,083
What are you talking about?
You still got the shooter in you.
1766
01:27:46,166 --> 01:27:47,666
That guy's long gone, Gilmore.
1767
01:27:47,750 --> 01:27:50,708
No. He's sleeping.
It's time to wake him up.
1768
01:27:50,791 --> 01:27:53,208
Look at these punks. The B-lists.
1769
01:27:53,291 --> 01:27:55,625
-Never won shit on the real tour.
-[Shooter] Yeah.
1770
01:27:55,708 --> 01:27:57,541
And now they're laughing
at Shooter McGavin,
1771
01:27:57,625 --> 01:28:01,166
the greatest golfer of the '90s,
except for me and Tiger?
1772
01:28:01,833 --> 01:28:05,916
How dare they?
How dare they disrespect you?
1773
01:28:06,000 --> 01:28:07,250
Where should they go?
1774
01:28:08,041 --> 01:28:10,166
-Back.
-Back where?
1775
01:28:10,250 --> 01:28:12,458
-Back to…
-To their what?
1776
01:28:12,541 --> 01:28:14,791
-To their shanties.
-Aha!
1777
01:28:14,875 --> 01:28:16,750
Because this is whose tour?
1778
01:28:16,833 --> 01:28:18,416
It's Shooter's, Shooter's tour.
1779
01:28:18,500 --> 01:28:20,250
-Whose tour?
-It's Shooter's tour!
1780
01:28:20,333 --> 01:28:23,875
-Whose tour?
-It's Shooter's tour, baby!
1781
01:28:23,958 --> 01:28:25,000
[mimicking gunshots]
1782
01:28:25,083 --> 01:28:26,333
Yeah!
1783
01:28:26,416 --> 01:28:28,416
He's got the old pistols back again.
1784
01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:31,250
-Give the man his lob wedge.
-Oh, I'm feeling it now.
1785
01:28:33,083 --> 01:28:34,791
[Happy] No pressure. No pressure.
1786
01:28:34,875 --> 01:28:38,000
[Frank] You're not gonna make it, Shooter.Tick tock.
1787
01:28:40,083 --> 01:28:42,541
{\an8}-Five, four…
-No!
1788
01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:47,875
[Frank] …three, two, one!
1789
01:28:47,958 --> 01:28:50,958
-[crowd cheering]
-You've got to be kidding me!
1790
01:28:52,625 --> 01:28:53,583
Oh, my God!
1791
01:28:53,666 --> 01:28:55,750
[Verne] Well, how do you do?
1792
01:28:55,833 --> 01:29:00,500
Shooter McGavin jars the cup,wins the hole and his match.
1793
01:29:00,583 --> 01:29:02,458
[crowd chanting] Shooter! Shooter!
1794
01:29:02,541 --> 01:29:05,000
Come on now! Choke on that!
1795
01:29:05,083 --> 01:29:08,750
{\an8}[Verne] That leaves us tiedwith only Billy Jenkins
1796
01:29:08,833 --> 01:29:11,916
and Happy Gilmore left to be decided.
1797
01:29:13,708 --> 01:29:17,333
{\an8}And it's come down to this.The final hole.
1798
01:29:17,416 --> 01:29:20,083
Winner take all. The shot clocks are off.
1799
01:29:20,166 --> 01:29:22,041
The pressure is on.
1800
01:29:22,125 --> 01:29:25,791
The future of regular golfhangs in the balance.
1801
01:29:25,875 --> 01:29:29,000
Thousand-yard par four.
That's a little long.
1802
01:29:29,083 --> 01:29:30,541
[Billy] Not for me, big man.
1803
01:29:32,708 --> 01:29:34,458
Yeah. Check this out.
1804
01:29:42,333 --> 01:29:43,541
Hello?
1805
01:29:43,625 --> 01:29:47,125
-Woo-woo! [grunts]
-[whizzing]
1806
01:29:53,625 --> 01:29:56,458
-[crowd cheering]
-[Verne] Whoa!
1807
01:29:56,541 --> 01:30:01,125
That is the longest drive
I have ever seen.
1808
01:30:01,208 --> 01:30:04,541
-Hey, you remember my name now? Bitch.
-[gasps]
1809
01:30:05,958 --> 01:30:08,041
I'd like to forget
ever seeing that hip thing.
1810
01:30:08,125 --> 01:30:09,291
That was disgusting.
1811
01:30:09,375 --> 01:30:11,541
[Verne] Jenkins can beon the green in two,
1812
01:30:11,625 --> 01:30:16,000
while Gilmore has no hopeof getting on in less than three strokes.
1813
01:30:16,083 --> 01:30:17,583
Verne, that sucks.
1814
01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:22,583
Okay to use that hate one last time, Slim?
1815
01:30:22,666 --> 01:30:24,708
Yeah, let it all out.
1816
01:30:31,041 --> 01:30:32,666
Ain't no surgery for that.
1817
01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:37,750
[man] Come on, Happy, let's go.
1818
01:30:39,666 --> 01:30:43,666
You never made the Bruins
because you suck at skating.
1819
01:30:43,750 --> 01:30:46,125
You shut your stupid face.
1820
01:30:46,208 --> 01:30:47,375
Who's he talking to?
1821
01:30:47,458 --> 01:30:50,125
Oh! And your daughter's
never going to ballet school
1822
01:30:50,208 --> 01:30:52,291
because her dad's a washed up drunk.
1823
01:30:52,375 --> 01:30:54,208
I'm gonna kill you!
1824
01:30:54,291 --> 01:30:56,291
[growling angrily]
1825
01:30:58,500 --> 01:30:59,583
Uh-oh.
1826
01:31:00,208 --> 01:31:03,208
-[yells]
-[screaming]
1827
01:31:06,125 --> 01:31:09,083
[screaming, spluttering]
1828
01:31:16,791 --> 01:31:19,250
-[groaning]
-[crowd cheering]
1829
01:31:23,291 --> 01:31:25,833
[high-pitched voice]
Somebody went further.
1830
01:31:25,916 --> 01:31:27,416
Yeah…
1831
01:31:27,500 --> 01:31:30,500
-Bitch!
-[crowd cheering]
1832
01:31:34,458 --> 01:31:36,083
[Verne] Jenkins is first to hit.
1833
01:31:40,250 --> 01:31:42,666
[cheering]
1834
01:31:42,750 --> 01:31:44,166
Yes!
1835
01:31:45,916 --> 01:31:49,916
Oh, and by the way,
all four of your boys are dumb!
1836
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,500
What did you say?
1837
01:31:52,583 --> 01:31:56,458
-[Hal laughs wickedly] Ow! Ooh!
-[crowd] Aw.
1838
01:31:56,541 --> 01:31:58,083
[Billy] Yeah!
1839
01:31:58,666 --> 01:32:01,583
[Verne] I can't believe there's taxiswithout drivers,
1840
01:32:01,666 --> 01:32:07,000
AI girlfriends, and now, quite possibly,the end of traditional golf.
1841
01:32:07,083 --> 01:32:10,041
[crowd cheering]
1842
01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,250
[Billy] I'll go first.
1843
01:32:13,333 --> 01:32:16,041
Give you a chance to think about
how you're going to play that.
1844
01:32:17,375 --> 01:32:19,083
-Whoa!
-[crowd] Whoa!
1845
01:32:20,375 --> 01:32:23,375
[laughs] Billy Jenkins,
you stepped on it and stepped in it.
1846
01:32:23,458 --> 01:32:25,416
Shut up, Edward Woodenhand.
1847
01:32:25,500 --> 01:32:28,916
-Screw you, Cabbage Patch Kid.
-[crowd laughs]
1848
01:32:33,125 --> 01:32:34,875
[crowd exclaim]
1849
01:32:37,083 --> 01:32:38,666
Take your time.
1850
01:32:38,750 --> 01:32:40,458
Go get my lob wedge. Wait.
1851
01:32:43,291 --> 01:32:44,458
Go stand right there.
1852
01:32:52,833 --> 01:32:53,833
[Billy] Okay.
1853
01:32:55,166 --> 01:32:56,708
Right in the back of the cup.
1854
01:32:59,541 --> 01:33:03,083
{\an8}-No, don't get off! God!
-[crowd] Oh!
1855
01:33:03,166 --> 01:33:04,333
{\an8}-Vecsey!
-What?
1856
01:33:04,416 --> 01:33:05,750
God damn it.
1857
01:33:06,375 --> 01:33:08,291
Excuse me. Know what? You're fired.
1858
01:33:08,375 --> 01:33:09,541
Makes sense.
1859
01:33:09,625 --> 01:33:12,500
Will you quit messing this up
and make this? Come on.
1860
01:33:12,583 --> 01:33:14,208
[Billy] I'm trying, sir.
1861
01:33:14,291 --> 01:33:15,833
Just get it on the right line.
1862
01:33:15,916 --> 01:33:17,541
[Billy] Coming right up, sir.
1863
01:33:17,625 --> 01:33:19,791
[suspenseful music plays]
1864
01:33:27,875 --> 01:33:32,375
-[crowd cheering]
-[Verne] And Billy Jenkins is in for four.
1865
01:33:32,458 --> 01:33:34,166
-Yeah!
-Choke on that one, Happy!
1866
01:33:34,833 --> 01:33:39,250
[Verne] Gilmore has only two shots leftto even tie this thing.
1867
01:33:39,333 --> 01:33:43,625
I'm not even playing and my palmsare sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.
1868
01:33:44,333 --> 01:33:46,250
I can't get a damn swing off here.
1869
01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:48,541
You got any ideas? We're in trouble, dude.
1870
01:33:48,625 --> 01:33:51,666
Hmm. I say ricochet that shit.
1871
01:33:53,208 --> 01:33:54,500
Yeah, that's a good idea.
1872
01:34:02,125 --> 01:34:04,666
-[crowd cheering]
-Amazing!
1873
01:34:04,750 --> 01:34:05,708
Did it go in?
1874
01:34:05,791 --> 01:34:07,250
Not that amazing.
1875
01:34:08,916 --> 01:34:10,291
You nervous?
1876
01:34:10,375 --> 01:34:13,500
No, just… Can I use your mailbox?
1877
01:34:13,583 --> 01:34:15,291
[Verne] The question now is,
1878
01:34:15,375 --> 01:34:17,958
how do you hit on a greenyou can't stand on?
1879
01:34:18,833 --> 01:34:19,750
[Happy] What do I do?
1880
01:34:20,458 --> 01:34:21,916
[Gordy] Here we go, Dad!
1881
01:34:22,000 --> 01:34:24,041
-Dad, let's go!
-Let's go! All you!
1882
01:34:24,125 --> 01:34:25,625
-[Gordy] Right now!
-All right.
1883
01:34:25,708 --> 01:34:26,750
What's the plan?
1884
01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:28,750
How about this?
1885
01:34:28,833 --> 01:34:30,833
Go to the other side
directly across from me.
1886
01:34:30,916 --> 01:34:32,375
-Yes, sir.
-Okay.
1887
01:34:32,458 --> 01:34:34,583
-Oscar. Hey.
-Yeah, go!
1888
01:34:34,666 --> 01:34:36,875
Oh, God, I can't bear to watch.
1889
01:34:36,958 --> 01:34:39,333
Oscar, how much do you weigh?
1890
01:34:40,083 --> 01:34:41,458
170.
1891
01:34:42,333 --> 01:34:43,833
Pick up the bag, please.
1892
01:34:45,208 --> 01:34:47,000
Actually, take two clubs out.
1893
01:34:47,083 --> 01:34:49,458
Two clubs. Two. Two clubs.
1894
01:34:49,541 --> 01:34:51,625
Okay. Pick the bag up again.
1895
01:34:52,666 --> 01:34:55,500
And on the count of three,
we're stepping on the green.
1896
01:34:55,583 --> 01:34:57,625
-Okay.
-[Happy] Are you ready?
1897
01:34:57,708 --> 01:35:03,166
And one, two… three!
1898
01:35:04,208 --> 01:35:05,375
Whoa, oh-- Hey…
1899
01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:09,333
That's it. That's it.
Okay, we're gonna hop forward.
1900
01:35:09,416 --> 01:35:12,458
One. Two. Three.
1901
01:35:12,541 --> 01:35:15,250
-[both yelp]
-[Happy] Ooh.
1902
01:35:17,291 --> 01:35:18,416
Okay.
1903
01:35:20,083 --> 01:35:21,250
Now to the left.
1904
01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:24,166
One, two, three.
1905
01:35:25,375 --> 01:35:26,833
That's it.
1906
01:35:26,916 --> 01:35:30,416
Now we're gonna go sideways… Two, three.
1907
01:35:33,166 --> 01:35:36,000
Ooh, Oscar… Nice work.
1908
01:35:36,083 --> 01:35:37,583
Check this out.
1909
01:35:38,166 --> 01:35:39,125
Whoa!
1910
01:35:40,541 --> 01:35:42,625
-What's happening?
-[Oscar] What the…
1911
01:35:42,708 --> 01:35:46,375
Sorry, Happy, I had to.
We don't do tiebreakers at Maxi.
1912
01:35:46,458 --> 01:35:48,166
How about we raise the stakes?
1913
01:35:48,250 --> 01:35:50,541
I end this whole project
if you sink this putt.
1914
01:35:50,625 --> 01:35:51,958
And if I miss?
1915
01:35:52,041 --> 01:35:54,083
It's simple. You join Maxi League.
1916
01:35:57,208 --> 01:35:59,708
[imperceptible]
1917
01:35:59,791 --> 01:36:01,333
How about this?
1918
01:36:01,416 --> 01:36:03,125
You pay for my daughter's dance school,
1919
01:36:03,208 --> 01:36:04,625
buy me my grandma's house back,
1920
01:36:04,708 --> 01:36:06,625
plus I get your Rolls-Royce,
1921
01:36:07,375 --> 01:36:10,125
plus you gotta buy Oscar
his own restaurant.
1922
01:36:11,041 --> 01:36:12,833
What kind of restaurant
are we talking here?
1923
01:36:12,916 --> 01:36:14,458
What kind of food, Oscar?
1924
01:36:14,541 --> 01:36:16,916
Sushi. No, no, no. Italian.
1925
01:36:17,000 --> 01:36:18,875
Fine. You're on.
1926
01:36:18,958 --> 01:36:21,875
[Verne] You heard it.There'll be no playoff today.
1927
01:36:22,958 --> 01:36:24,125
Oscar, I have bad news.
1928
01:36:25,416 --> 01:36:27,333
I'm holding a sand wedge. I need a putter.
1929
01:36:29,000 --> 01:36:31,166
Just take it slowly out of the bag.
1930
01:36:32,500 --> 01:36:36,458
That's it. That's it. Take the sock off.
1931
01:36:36,541 --> 01:36:39,500
Okay, so we're gonna throw it
to each other on the count of three.
1932
01:36:39,583 --> 01:36:40,875
-Okay.
-We can do this.
1933
01:36:42,166 --> 01:36:45,291
One, two, three.
1934
01:36:46,041 --> 01:36:49,750
-[crowd] Oh!
-Okay. I caught my own club.
1935
01:36:50,708 --> 01:36:52,708
Physics is a bitch, isn't it?
1936
01:36:53,541 --> 01:36:55,000
Here's what we're gonna do.
1937
01:36:55,083 --> 01:36:57,458
We're gonna throw it
straight up in the sky.
1938
01:36:57,541 --> 01:36:58,583
Let's do this.
1939
01:36:58,666 --> 01:37:00,458
Do not get sick, Oscar.
1940
01:37:00,541 --> 01:37:05,708
-Okay. One, two, three.
-One, two…
1941
01:37:10,291 --> 01:37:11,166
Yes!
1942
01:37:11,250 --> 01:37:13,833
Let's go! Let's go, Hap!
1943
01:37:13,916 --> 01:37:16,708
High five. High…
1944
01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:21,666
Hey, Gilmore can do this.
I've seen it. I lived it.
1945
01:37:22,458 --> 01:37:25,708
{\an8}Wow. Cool.
How bout we take this to the Maxi?
1946
01:37:26,458 --> 01:37:29,000
[whirring]
1947
01:37:29,708 --> 01:37:31,291
He's gonna fly off.
1948
01:37:31,375 --> 01:37:33,833
-…spot, focus on the spot.
-You got it. Focus.
1949
01:37:33,916 --> 01:37:34,916
[laughing]
1950
01:37:35,000 --> 01:37:36,166
Oh, no.
1951
01:37:36,250 --> 01:37:38,083
Hang in there, Oscar, please.
1952
01:37:43,000 --> 01:37:45,625
Come on, Dad. You got it.
1953
01:37:45,708 --> 01:37:47,333
[kids] Dad!
1954
01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:50,875
[whooping]
1955
01:37:51,541 --> 01:37:53,458
-Come on, Dad!
-[cheering]
1956
01:37:56,125 --> 01:37:59,041
I love you so much!
1957
01:38:04,875 --> 01:38:09,708
Do it like my daddy taught you.
Tap it. Tap it in.
1958
01:38:19,333 --> 01:38:21,041
[Verne] It's got a chance.
1959
01:38:22,166 --> 01:38:24,083
-Go.
-Go.
1960
01:38:24,166 --> 01:38:25,708
Come on, Happy.
1961
01:38:25,791 --> 01:38:28,041
-Come on, come on…
-Come on, come on, come on…
1962
01:38:33,416 --> 01:38:37,416
-Get there!
-[crowd exclaiming] Oh!
1963
01:38:37,500 --> 01:38:39,583
[Verne] Oh, no!
1964
01:38:40,791 --> 01:38:44,458
Yes! Welcome to Maxi, Happy. Whoo!
1965
01:38:45,583 --> 01:38:47,500
-[thuds]
-[clatters]
1966
01:38:48,791 --> 01:38:51,833
-[ball clatters]
-[all cheering]
1967
01:38:53,083 --> 01:38:58,125
Oh, my God! Happy Gilmore has won!
1968
01:38:59,000 --> 01:39:02,208
And regular golf will live on.
1969
01:39:03,583 --> 01:39:07,125
-I'm 8 Ball! I'm 8 Ball!
-No! That doesn't happen!
1970
01:39:07,208 --> 01:39:09,166
You are a piece of shit, you know that?
1971
01:39:09,250 --> 01:39:10,666
I did everything I could…
1972
01:39:10,750 --> 01:39:14,125
Oscar! We did it, Oscar!
1973
01:39:14,208 --> 01:39:16,208
[cheering]
1974
01:39:18,250 --> 01:39:20,666
-Papi, papi. Wake up.
-[groans]
1975
01:39:21,333 --> 01:39:22,458
-Good job!
-Did we win?
1976
01:39:22,541 --> 01:39:25,083
[upbeat music playing over speakers]
1977
01:39:25,166 --> 01:39:26,541
-Yes!
-All right!
1978
01:39:26,625 --> 01:39:27,666
Happy, yes!
1979
01:39:27,750 --> 01:39:29,416
Yeah, yeah!
1980
01:39:29,500 --> 01:39:30,500
Stop.
1981
01:39:33,916 --> 01:39:37,958
Your training paid off. You did it.
I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.
1982
01:39:38,041 --> 01:39:39,125
-Yes!
-Yes!
1983
01:39:41,041 --> 01:39:43,041
What a great win. Let's go to Hooters.
1984
01:39:49,166 --> 01:39:50,875
[both grunting]
1985
01:39:50,958 --> 01:39:54,416
-Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore!
-Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore!
1986
01:39:54,500 --> 01:39:57,625
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but you're all free to go.
1987
01:39:57,708 --> 01:40:00,250
-[cheering]
-Beautiful.
1988
01:40:01,875 --> 01:40:04,833
Unbelievable. Tremendous.
1989
01:40:04,916 --> 01:40:06,541
I understand you have a restaurant.
1990
01:40:06,625 --> 01:40:11,333
{\an8}We have the best Italian Dominican
Puerto Rican Cuban restaurant in the town.
1991
01:40:11,416 --> 01:40:13,250
[Esteban] I love my new job!
1992
01:40:13,333 --> 01:40:16,125
We did it, baby! We did it for Mom!
1993
01:40:16,208 --> 01:40:18,208
[all cheering]
1994
01:40:25,125 --> 01:40:29,041
Well, I've won a lot of trophies
and jackets over the years,
1995
01:40:29,833 --> 01:40:35,291
but out of all of them, I have to say
this is by far the most special.
1996
01:40:36,333 --> 01:40:38,666
And I want to thank
all my friends out there
1997
01:40:38,750 --> 01:40:42,291
who helped me achieve
this monumental moment.
1998
01:40:45,125 --> 01:40:46,375
Three months sober.
1999
01:40:46,958 --> 01:40:49,375
[Nate] Yay! Way to go, Mr. Gilmore!
2000
01:40:50,291 --> 01:40:52,833
Splendid! Splendid, Mr. Gilmore.
2001
01:40:53,750 --> 01:40:56,500
But will you make it to a year?
2002
01:40:56,583 --> 01:41:01,541
-Magic 8-Ball says… unlikely.
-Uh-huh.
2003
01:41:01,625 --> 01:41:05,541
What are you talking about, Hal?
Happy's going to make it a full lifetime.
2004
01:41:05,625 --> 01:41:07,333
Know what else is full, Charlotte?
2005
01:41:07,416 --> 01:41:11,041
My gutters. Full of dead leaves
and squirrel droppings.
2006
01:41:11,125 --> 01:41:12,916
But you'll be cleaning them out
this weekend.
2007
01:41:13,000 --> 01:41:15,125
I don't like the way you talk to that kid.
2008
01:41:15,208 --> 01:41:16,375
It's fine, Mr. Gilmore.
2009
01:41:16,458 --> 01:41:19,750
No, it's not fine. That kid has helped me
more than you have, Hal.
2010
01:41:19,833 --> 01:41:21,958
Seriously, Mr. Gilmore, I got this.
2011
01:41:22,041 --> 01:41:24,625
Guys, can we be done here?
We've got enough.
2012
01:41:24,708 --> 01:41:27,375
Why are you talking into your collar?
Are you high?
2013
01:41:28,791 --> 01:41:30,000
Are you high?
2014
01:41:31,583 --> 01:41:33,041
-Holy--
-Whoa!
2015
01:41:33,125 --> 01:41:34,916
Hallowicious Lieberman!
2016
01:41:35,000 --> 01:41:37,000
You're under arrest
for fraud and extortion.
2017
01:41:37,083 --> 01:41:39,583
We got enough footage of you
being a sick son of a bitch
2018
01:41:39,666 --> 01:41:41,416
to lock you away for a lifetime.
2019
01:41:42,291 --> 01:41:44,000
You narc'd on me?
2020
01:41:44,625 --> 01:41:45,541
Guess so.
2021
01:41:45,625 --> 01:41:48,041
Hey, man, I was just trying
to help these people.
2022
01:41:48,125 --> 01:41:51,291
Manual labor's therapeutically beneficial.
2023
01:41:51,375 --> 01:41:52,791
-Hey, Happy.
-What?
2024
01:41:52,875 --> 01:41:55,125
-Catch.
-Oh!
2025
01:41:55,208 --> 01:41:56,125
[Hal laughing]
2026
01:41:56,208 --> 01:41:59,375
-I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's!
-He got my coin!
2027
01:41:59,458 --> 01:42:03,583
-[yelling] I got the coin!
-[clamoring]
2028
01:42:06,125 --> 01:42:07,791
[laughing]
2029
01:42:07,875 --> 01:42:09,625
-[Nate punching]
-[Hal yelping]
2030
01:42:09,708 --> 01:42:11,958
-Oh, shit! Stop!
-[Nate] Stay still!
2031
01:42:13,875 --> 01:42:15,458
You're a very cool kid.
2032
01:42:16,041 --> 01:42:19,333
You're a very cool guy.
You remind me of my dad.
2033
01:42:19,416 --> 01:42:20,416
Yeah?
2034
01:42:20,500 --> 01:42:23,500
["Tuesday's Gone" playing]
2035
01:42:27,541 --> 01:42:29,250
All right, just have fun in Paris.
2036
01:42:29,333 --> 01:42:31,291
If you get homesick for America,
2037
01:42:31,375 --> 01:42:34,458
I can ship over some Yodels
or bottle rockets.
2038
01:42:34,541 --> 01:42:35,750
Whatever you guys want.
2039
01:42:35,833 --> 01:42:38,416
We'll be fine, Dad.
And we'll see you next month, right?
2040
01:42:38,500 --> 01:42:39,333
That's right.
2041
01:42:39,416 --> 01:42:42,333
I got the British Open,
I'll show up a week early, we'll hang out.
2042
01:42:42,416 --> 01:42:44,791
I want to see some
fancy French dancing from this kid.
2043
01:42:44,875 --> 01:42:46,375
Then you can come check out our show.
2044
01:42:46,458 --> 01:42:47,458
What show?
2045
01:42:47,541 --> 01:42:49,041
We're gonna be singing mimes.
2046
01:42:49,125 --> 01:42:50,875
I thought mimes aren't allowed to talk.
2047
01:42:50,958 --> 01:42:54,000
That's how we're gonna separate ourselves
from the other mimes, by singing.
2048
01:42:54,083 --> 01:42:55,125
Okay.
2049
01:42:55,208 --> 01:43:00,375
♪ We're trapped in a box!Now we're tugging on a rope! ♪
2050
01:43:01,125 --> 01:43:03,250
♪ Even look at our sister… ♪
2051
01:43:03,333 --> 01:43:05,416
-And we'll kill you!
-And we'll crush you!
2052
01:43:05,500 --> 01:43:07,500
-I'll murder you!
-Don't you look at her!
2053
01:43:07,583 --> 01:43:10,083
-Smart. I love that!
-Nailed it. Really good.
2054
01:43:10,166 --> 01:43:11,625
Come here. Gonna miss you.
2055
01:43:11,708 --> 01:43:14,875
And if you're hungry on the flight,
enjoy the bread from Oscar's restaurant.
2056
01:43:14,958 --> 01:43:17,416
Go crush them over there for Mom.
Have a ball.
2057
01:43:17,500 --> 01:43:18,333
Love you, Dad.
2058
01:43:18,416 --> 01:43:20,500
-Hey, here you go.
-[Happy] You're the best, guys.
2059
01:43:20,583 --> 01:43:22,541
-Sir, right there.
-There you go, buddy.
2060
01:43:22,625 --> 01:43:25,041
Yeah, get him! [laughs]
2061
01:43:25,125 --> 01:43:26,375
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
2062
01:43:26,458 --> 01:43:27,666
[Bobby] Come on, Vienna.
2063
01:43:29,583 --> 01:43:31,291
Love you. I'll miss you.
2064
01:43:34,500 --> 01:43:40,208
♪ Tuesday's gone with the wind ♪
2065
01:43:45,166 --> 01:43:46,708
Hey, Happy.
2066
01:43:53,666 --> 01:43:58,583
♪ Tuesday's gone with the wind ♪
2067
01:43:58,666 --> 01:44:00,708
Oh. You're okay.
2068
01:44:03,166 --> 01:44:08,791
♪ My baby's gone with the wind ♪
2069
01:44:10,416 --> 01:44:13,625
♪ Train roll on ♪
2070
01:44:15,750 --> 01:44:18,333
♪ Tuesday's gone ♪
2071
01:44:18,416 --> 01:44:22,333
-[car chiming]
-[automated voice] Battery, zero percent.
2072
01:44:22,416 --> 01:44:24,458
I didn't charge it! Damn it!
2073
01:44:25,916 --> 01:44:28,916
["The Waiting" playing]
2074
01:44:43,958 --> 01:44:47,791
♪ Oh, babyDon't it feel like heaven right now? ♪
2075
01:44:47,875 --> 01:44:51,125
♪ Don't it feel like somethingFrom a dream? ♪
2076
01:44:51,875 --> 01:44:55,916
♪ Yeah, I've never knownNothing quite like this ♪
2077
01:44:56,000 --> 01:45:00,041
♪ Don't it feel like tonightMight never be again? ♪
2078
01:45:00,125 --> 01:45:04,041
♪ Baby, we know betterThan to try and pretend ♪
2079
01:45:04,125 --> 01:45:07,916
♪ Honey no oneCoulda ever told me 'bout this ♪
2080
01:45:08,000 --> 01:45:10,541
-♪ I said yeah, yeah ♪-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
2081
01:45:10,625 --> 01:45:12,375
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
2082
01:45:12,458 --> 01:45:16,458
♪ The waiting is the hardest part ♪
2083
01:45:16,541 --> 01:45:20,291
♪ Every day you see one more card ♪
2084
01:45:20,375 --> 01:45:24,416
♪ You take it on faithYou take it to the heart ♪
2085
01:45:24,500 --> 01:45:28,666
♪ The waiting is the hardest part ♪
2086
01:45:32,250 --> 01:45:36,208
♪ Well, yeah, I might have chasedA couple women around ♪
2087
01:45:36,291 --> 01:45:40,083
♪ All it ever got me was down ♪
2088
01:45:40,166 --> 01:45:44,416
♪ Then there were thoseThat made me feel good ♪
2089
01:45:44,500 --> 01:45:48,375
♪ But never as good as I feel right now ♪
2090
01:45:48,458 --> 01:45:52,666
♪ Baby, you're the only oneThat's ever known how ♪
2091
01:45:52,750 --> 01:45:54,500
♪ To make me wanna live… ♪
2092
01:45:54,583 --> 01:45:56,791
{\an8}Well, the bad newsjust keeps coming for Maxi
2093
01:45:56,875 --> 01:45:59,708
{\an8}and its controversial founder,Francis Manatee.
2094
01:45:59,791 --> 01:46:03,000
{\an8}Since the spectacular failureof the Maxi Golf League,
2095
01:46:03,083 --> 01:46:07,166
{\an8}the popular Maxi Sports Drinkhas been recalled after complaints
2096
01:46:07,250 --> 01:46:10,833
{\an8}it caused irreversible halitosis,gingivitis,
2097
01:46:10,916 --> 01:46:13,750
{\an8}and a new conditionthey're calling tongue rot.
2098
01:46:14,416 --> 01:46:17,250
{\an8}We at the Sports Holetried to reach Manatee for comment,
2099
01:46:17,333 --> 01:46:19,958
{\an8}but his current whereaboutsare apparently unknown.
2100
01:46:20,041 --> 01:46:24,000
Yeah, I would run too if I gavehalf the world midnight booty breath.
2101
01:46:24,083 --> 01:46:28,416
Hey, Scheffler, it's been three days.
You sure you don't wanna make that call?
2102
01:46:28,500 --> 01:46:30,500
It depends. What's for dinner?
2103
01:46:30,583 --> 01:46:32,083
Chicken fingers.
2104
01:46:32,166 --> 01:46:34,000
I'll stick around another night.
2105
01:46:34,083 --> 01:46:35,583
Okay.
2106
01:46:35,666 --> 01:46:38,666
{\an8}["Sitting Down Is Stupid" playing]
2107
01:46:48,708 --> 01:46:50,291
{\an8}♪ Oh ♪
2108
01:46:50,375 --> 01:46:54,041
{\an8}♪ Get your biscuits in the kitchenI'm a sous chef on a mission ♪
2109
01:46:54,125 --> 01:46:57,833
{\an8}♪ Baby, wiggle it, it's viciousWe about to break the dishes ♪
2110
01:46:57,916 --> 01:47:01,833
{\an8}♪ Got the pepper with the sodiumWe cookin' with petroleum ♪
2111
01:47:01,916 --> 01:47:05,583
{\an8}♪ Come step up to the podiumAnd cut up this linoleum ♪
2112
01:47:08,458 --> 01:47:09,875
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2113
01:47:12,541 --> 01:47:13,666
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2114
01:47:17,125 --> 01:47:21,041
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it ♪
2115
01:47:28,166 --> 01:47:31,666
{\an8}♪ Get your peaches off that stoopBaby, work that hula hoop ♪
2116
01:47:31,750 --> 01:47:35,583
{\an8}♪ Throw it back and watch 'em shoopScottie Pippen, alley oop ♪
2117
01:47:35,666 --> 01:47:39,416
{\an8}♪ Mix it up like orange drinkShake your buffalo chicken wing ♪
2118
01:47:39,500 --> 01:47:43,625
{\an8}♪ Get your galoshes, make it rainNow-now let me hear you sing, uh ♪
2119
01:47:46,250 --> 01:47:47,583
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2120
01:47:50,291 --> 01:47:51,500
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2121
01:47:54,875 --> 01:47:58,875
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it ♪
2122
01:48:01,375 --> 01:48:02,708
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2123
01:48:05,333 --> 01:48:06,458
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2124
01:48:09,958 --> 01:48:13,958
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it ♪
2125
01:48:21,416 --> 01:48:22,833
{\an8}♪ Sitting is dumb ♪
2126
01:48:25,291 --> 01:48:26,625
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun ♪
2127
01:48:28,958 --> 01:48:30,458
{\an8}♪ Sitting is dumb ♪
2128
01:48:32,875 --> 01:48:34,166
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun ♪
2129
01:48:34,750 --> 01:48:36,500
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun ♪
2130
01:48:36,583 --> 01:48:39,833
{\an8}♪ Sitting is dumbBut dancing is more fun ♪
2131
01:48:40,458 --> 01:48:43,708
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more funDancing is more fun ♪
2132
01:48:46,708 --> 01:48:48,041
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2133
01:48:50,708 --> 01:48:51,916
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2134
01:48:55,291 --> 01:48:59,333
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it ♪
2135
01:49:01,875 --> 01:49:03,125
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2136
01:49:05,833 --> 01:49:07,083
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2137
01:49:10,458 --> 01:49:14,458
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it ♪
157359
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