Original subtitles

Barnaby Jones, a QM production, starring Buddy Edson. Also starring

Lee Merriweather, Mark Schera, with guest stars

Jeffrey Lewis, Joshua Bryant,

Randy Oaks, Bo Kayser,

Charles McCauley.

Tonight's episode, the killing point.

Mr. Gannis.

Oh, Mr. Harmon.

You're right on time.

I left my watch in the repair shop, but you look to me to be a punctual man, so

I make it to be 4 .30.

Precisely.

Now, perhaps you'll explain the purpose of this cloak -and -dagger rendezvous.

You were hired for a very simple bit of detective work. Did you find the girl?

Ah, Ace LeBron.

Well, the fact of the matter is, I...

I found a good deal more than the guy.

Your dress will suffice. Here's your $300 final payment.

Well, thanks, but no thanks.

That was the agreement.

$200 to start, the balance when you found it.

Yeah, sure, I know that, but the fact of the matter is that I don't think you've

been, shall we say, purely honest with me, Mr. Harlan. Now, what I'm trying to

say is that that little blonde, I think, disappeared with a lot more than Mr.

Kirkland's heartstrings.

My employer's motivation for finding the girl is of absolutely no concern to

you. You're absolutely half right, Mr. Harmon. Mr. Kirkland's sex life doesn't

titillate me at all, but his reputation as a millionaire art collector does

stimulate my interest a little bit. Get to it, Gannis. I detected a note of

extortion in your voice when you called.

Hey, is that any way to talk to somebody who's trying to do you a favor?

You're lucky I'm the honest type.

Sit down a second.

Now, the way I heard it was that a certain priceless object that

from Mr. Kirkland's private collection could change hands for a million bucks.

Now, the fact that this wasn't reported to the police leads me to believe the

voice that it was hot in the first place.

How much is this additional favor going to cost?

Oh, I think with a thorough confidential investigative work like this, it's

going to be worth...

Precisely $100 ,000.

I'll have to discuss this with Mr. Kirkland, of course. Oh, yeah, yeah,

But I wouldn't discuss it too long.

Because if this girl and the million -dollar, whatchamacallit, she skipped

country, we're both losers, right?

Oh, thanks.

Thanks a lot.

It's okay.

It's okay. Some mugger in the park.

Thanks a lot.

It's okay.

Thank you.

Here's a list of the stolen articles with the serial numbers. Hmm, good.

All right, now, all the rest of it is in here, Bornaby. Pity cash receipts and

fingerprints. Ah, you are a tidy little twosome.

We ought to wrap this case in a ribbon before we turn it in to the insurance

company.

Anybody home?

Ah, there you are.

The Jones family.

Well, here's Wally Gannis, your friendly photographer, coming to take your

picture. I think I'll line you up there by the wind up with the pretty.

One in the middle. What, are you hurt?

That's nothing, just a little... What's with the furniture?

Look, leave me alone, will you? It's just a nick, Barnaby. I need your help.

You need a doctor.

Get the paramedics. No, Betty.

Now, wait a minute. J .R., it's okay. I walked up here.

Well, come on, Wally, out with your story or you'll be telling it on the way

the hospital.

All right. All right, listen.

Now, I've done some things for you in the past, right?

Time's a -wasting, Wally.

Well, so, I'm just about to collect $300 for locating this girl who skipped out

on a bad check when this guy takes a pot shot at me.

Won't do.

Nobody shoots their way out of insufficient funds.

Come on, would I lie to you?

Yes, unless you changed in the last week.

So here it is. You know the millionaire who lives down in Pasadena, J. Latimer

Kirkland? Kirkland? Yeah, he's the art collector, isn't he?

I wouldn't know about that, but I do know there's this young hairdresser. He

slips around and goes out and clips his locks every Monday and Friday.

And maybe a little... Close your ears, Betty. Maybe a little hoop -de -doo. Who

knows? Anyway, she's turned up missing, and Kirkland wants a pound.

Why does he want her pound?

I don't know. Maybe he wants to give her...

A bunch of roses or a diamond bracelet. Maybe his hair's coming down on his eyes

for $300, I don't ask.

How about it, Barnaby?

Well, it's not my type of case, Wally, but if you need a loan to tide you

over... No, no.

No, it's fine. I'm okay.

It's just that the fact is your reputation is sort of at stake.

Barnaby's reputation?

Yeah.

Well, I had to tell him that I worked for you. And I have, you know, over the

years. And that's how I got the job.

Wally, one of these days you're going to lie yourself six feet under.

You'll do it?

Yes, if you'll sit down and wait quietly until the paramedics get here.

I'm not going to have a partner of mine dying of bee sting.

I suppose that you were taking care of this, Alex.

Really, it's getting so I can't trust you with the simplest matters without

finally having to take care of myself.

Fromage, Mr. Jones.

The brie is particularly tasty.

Oh, thank you. No.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kirkland. I wasn't aware there was any difficulty.

Apparently there is a difficulty or Mr. Jones would not be here.

Oh, no trouble exactly, Mr.

Kirkland. You see, my associate, Mr.

Gannis, is following one direction in this case, and I thought that I would

pursue another. It might speed things up a little.

Really, I should think it would be easy.

An attractive young lady, she must have a multitude of friends and acquaintances

who would know where she could be found.

Unless for some particular reason she didn't want you to find her.

What possible reason could come to mind? I can think of none at all.

Well, for instance, you live here surrounded by a veritable candy store of

beautiful things, which might tempt some young lady if she couldn't afford them

on her own.

Yes. Yes, it's a very understandable suspicion, I presume, but no, no.

It's inconceivable. As a matter of fact, Esther was quite infatuated with me. I

think she might have been just a bit overwhelmed by my attentions to her.

a charming little thing, quite a notch above the others.

We used to enjoy quiet suppers together.

Right here.

I called her Ursula, my little bear.

From the Latin, Ursus, bear.

You understand?

I like to indulge people who give me pleasure.

Now, Mr. Jones, if you're looking for a direction to pursue, I might suggest

that it would be someone who resented her fondness for me.

A jealous lover, perhaps?

It's my only fear.

Of course, I have no idea of continuing a permanent relationship with the lady.

I merely wanted to see her one more time to make sure she'd come to no harm.

You did tell all this to that Gannis person, did you not?

No, sir, I didn't go into your personal reasons for wanting to find her. Perhaps

I should have. It might have helped.

A picture of the young lady might help. Do you have one?

As a matter of fact, I do.

In one of her more impulsive moments...

Ursula made me a present of this rather intimate memento.

Could you knock or something?

Every time somebody walks down that hall, I break a nail.

There's a knock.

Here's your something.

Nick. Hmm?

When are we going to get out of here? Soon.

You've been saying that for two days now.

Yeah. Well, uh, suddenly we're hot.

We are both very hot, Ursy, baby.

You told me the police weren't going to be involved.

It's not the police. Some private snoop in baggy pants is looking for you.

He's connected us.

And he's been making the rounds of every respectable fence in town.

What do we do now?

I wish I'd never let you talk me into letting you steal that thing. Hey, come

on. You look on the bright side, baby. My research was right. That thing was

exactly what I thought it was.

And Kirkland came by it illegally.

Or he wouldn't have hired some private cop to get it back.

You're so smart.

You stole something too expensive to sell.

I wish I hadn't listened to you in the first place.

You just used me.

You made me play after that old coot just so that you could... I don't know,

Steve.

Oh, come on, baby.

Taking something from somebody it doesn't belong to isn't stealing.

It's just a change of possession, right?

Look, Los Angeles may not be able to fence it, but I've put out feelers.

you know, guys in New York, Miami, people with piles of cash just waiting

launder it on a deal like this. That little trinket we've got is worth a

bucks to somebody, baby.

It's worth parking it in this bed a few more days, huh?

Huh?

Yeah.

Boy, this stuff tastes like plastic.

I can see why.

You just ate the plate.

You tell the doctor I don't belong here.

That makes two of us.

Lie down before you pull your stitches.

out to see J.

Latimer Kirkland.

Oh, yeah?

What's he like?

How does he talk to his trained bear, Alex Harmon?

He peels grapes, sips wine, and lies through his teeth, I have a feeling.

I don't know how these guys expect us to do any job for them if they don't tell

us the truth.

I know that you are an incorrigible con man, but you're also a pretty good

detective. You got close enough to the truth for somebody to take a pot shot at

you.

Hey. Shh.

Now, I told the cops that some lame brain winged me in the park trying to

me. They took the bullet and they went away happy, so... Well, if you want to

keep your secret, why don't I go back to the office and forget this whole thing

and then we'll all be happy? Wait a minute. Now, just wait a minute. Okay,

got me. I'm lying here wounded and helpless.

I'll tell you what I think I know.

Okay, but remember, I'm going to check it out.

Right. Well...

You know how my mind works.

My first thought is that this sweet little Ursula Brown swiped something

the old bird, so I go around checking all the fences.

Now, they ain't seen her pretty face, but her boyfriend, Nick Fallon, has been

making the rounds.

Nick Fallon, that has a faint ring. Very smooth second story, man. Now, I put

him and her together. I figured the two of them lifted something.

Very heavy and very hot from old man Kirkland. Too heavy for any regular

to handle anyway.

What makes you think it's hot?

Well, if it wasn't, a big taxpayer like Kirkland, he would have called the

police.

Maybe it's time us little taxpayers called the police.

What good would that do? Old man Kirkland would just deny it.

And then he'd go about trying to find the girl and the article in question on

his own. Now, you and I got to do this, Barnaby.

Don't you see? It's a matter of principle now.

Okay, you stay in bed here. I don't want you to get up and strain your

principles in case I find the girl and whatever it is.

I knew I could count on you, Barnaby.

Really, Barnaby, you have no cause to come in here time and again with these

defamatory insinuations that I run some kind of illicit trading post.

I think the word is fence, Marley.

Now, I could bring the police in. They insinuate a lot louder than I do.

Two isolated incidents.

I came by the round tree emeralds and those Shakespeare folios in complete

innocence. Glad to hear it.

Did a Nick Fallon...

innocently try to sell you anything within the last few days.

This is not a police matter.

Not yet.

Well, Fallon wouldn't say.

But he does his homework well. He is a very astute student of collectibles.

Yes, I understand he does his collecting at night.

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

All I know, well... He said the item was a national treasure of Italy.

Worth a million.

You know I wouldn't touch such an article, Barnaby.

Meaning you couldn't lay your hands on a million dollars soon enough to please

Fallon. There you go again.

Did anyone else ask you about this little treasure?

Yes. That despicable Walden Gannis.

In fact, he said he was working with you.

But I didn't believe him, not for a minute.

Well... you've always got to add a little something to or subtract a little

something from anything that Walden tells you.

Where do I find this Nick Fallon? Well, operators like Fallon don't have

addresses in the usual sense.

They seem to shun numbers.

But I think you might arrange to get in touch at a bar that he frequents called

the Red Chimney.

Thank you, Marlene.

She should report back for work. Would you please have her call that number?

like to make an appointment.

Thank you.

Now, did I just hear you try to make an appointment with a hairstylist?

If she clipped Jay Latimer Kirkland for a million dollars, I'd like to have a

look at her scissors.

What did Wally say?

Dear Wally didn't say so much as a goodbye when he walked out of the

this afternoon.

That son of a gun.

I could have bet on it.

He got you to do his work for him. And now he's going to follow you around and

wait until you're close and then slip in and take all the credit.

It's not the credit I'm worried about. It's that Italian trinket.

Wally has been looking all his life for the pot at the end of the rainbow.

Oh, no. You don't think Wally... Will you look at that.

My, my, my. Is there a wedding someplace?

Look out. Small talk.

I'm in town for two days.

If Fallon wants to do business, I'll be here at two o 'clock.

If he's not on board, the good chip lollipop sale's out.

Not bad, did it, eh?

Fallon Jacoby.

At least the bartender at the Red Chimney Bar bought it. He agreed to

Fallon for me.

I don't suppose he told you Fallon's address.

I asked.

He laughed.

I pretended like I really didn't expect to find out.

Well, if we know that Nick Fallon spends time at that bar, there's bound to be

others. that it can figure it out, too. Like Wally Gannis. Now, I think he was

around the bar asking for Fallon from what the bartender tells me.

That could mean that whoever took a shot at Wally is also familiar with that

watering hole, so be careful.

I've already got my pitch worked out, Barnaby, but if Fallon shows up and he

wants to do business, you're going to have to be right in the middle.

Is he here?

Thank you, Harry.

I'm Nick Fallon.

You looking for me?

Sit down. I'll find out.

Harry says you wanted to see me.

What about him?

I'm interviewing candidates for the thief of the month. I thought you might

in the running.

Yeah? Who says?

Oh, look, I don't have time for 20 questions.

My people are interested in antiques.

When Marley Nettle runs across something he can't sell in his shop, we hear

about it.

Now, why don't you tell me just what is so special about you that I should give

you a million dollars of my boss's hard -earned lifetime collection of small

bills, hmm?

Well, you know, you don't look like a bad man.

That's because I'm good at it.

I got two hours, Mr. Fallon, to catch a plane, which really doesn't give you too

much time to impress me at all.

Now, you want to play show and tell or not?

Okay.

Okay, I'll give you a call in ten minutes, and I'll tell you where you can

the merchandise.

Bring the money.

You're the nervous one. You pick the place.

Don't get hysterical. I'm going to bring a friend.

No way.

Relax.

I wouldn't know a Grecian urn from a flower pot.

I just want our expert to appraise it and tell me what kind of a bargain we're

going to get.

All right.

Just don't try to be funny.

Learn to trust, Mr. Fallon.

If you prove reliable, we might do business again someday.

I'd like you to keep an eye on him. I'll be giving you a call in a couple of

minutes, and I'd like to know if he talks to anyone.

Okay? Sure.

I ain't going anywhere.

Thank you, Harry.

We're in, aren't you, baby?

In an hour, you can start packing.

You're going bye -bye at the millionaire.

My food's on the level?

What did I tell you? All I'd do is put out the word and they'd come running.

Here, hold the beer.

We're attending.

Yeah, like a mummy.

Hold on.

Hey, Mr. Jacoby.

Phone call.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yeah, it's me. I'm listening. Just keep talking.

At Griffith Park, the old zoo.

You know where that is?

Don't worry. We'll be there. Just don't keep us waiting.

Right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah,

this is Harry.

Sounds to me like you might be interested in the old zoo at Griffith

The one they closed down some years back.

There's no one here.

They might be around that turn.

All right, you stay here.

I'll take a look.

You think he believed you? He wanted to believe me, Barnaby. He'll be there.

He's expecting a million dollars.

We're going to be a big disappointment, so watch your step. All right, if he

produces the goods, you get the drop on him. I call Lieutenant Biddle, one, two,

three.

You do talk a good game behind those dark glasses, Jedediah.

cold feet.

Well, if he was here and gone, I think he's going to be back. The way he

on the phone, you're just about the only game in town.

Better call Lieutenant Fiddle.

Who could have known Barnaby? He gave me directions over the phone.

Jedediah, are you sure nobody could have been following?

There's only one person I know that plays with matches exactly like that.

Wally Gannis.

He must have gotten here ahead of us.

Bet you've been wondering where I've been, huh?

Walden, Gannis, I could throttle you.

I think I can guess where you've been.

First, you took a walk out of the hospital.

Yeah, well, you know me. I can't stand a confinement. I go buggy in no time

behind four walls.

Well, one of those four walls is going to be all bars unless you can come up

with a great alibi. How long were you following Fallon?

Now, wait a minute, Walden. I arranged a meeting with him. He'd been shocked by

the time we got there. He died before we could get help.

He was alive?

Did he say anything?

No, but this told us a lot. This is one of your matches.

Now, do you want to tell me how it got there, or do you want to tell Lieutenant

Biddle? Come on, enough with the thumbscrews already. Now, just wait a

told you. Let me explain.

Yeah, I did get a fix on Fallon, so I followed him. But then I lost him in

neighborhood. I couldn't tell where he went. But then I saw him again getting

into his car, and he took off.

Again, I followed him to Griffith Park. Again, I lost him by the zoo. But the

next time I saw him, he was laid out.

And I thought he was dead. Cross my heart, or I would have called for help.

Wally, I'd like to believe you, but you don't make it easy.

Oh, come on. Will you follow me?

Would I have shot Fallon and then taken all his stolen property and come in here

and bared my soul?

Yes, if you thought you could get away with it.

Yeah, you're probably right.

You got a mind like a steel trap, Barnaby, but I'm telling the truth.

Well, if he doesn't have this million dollar whatever it is, maybe Kirkland

it back his own way.

And there's only one person I know of who could tell it that.

Right back where we started, the girl, Ursula Brown.

Kirkland residence.

Mr. Kirkland's in the garden at the moment. Miss Brown?

Yes.

Would you tell him I'd like to talk to him? It's really important.

This is Alex Harmon, Ursula. I think perhaps I'm the one you want to talk to.

I know all about the stolen property. Do you have it?

Yes, I've got it. I didn't want a thing in the first place.

All right, I believe you.

Now, you listen to me, Ursula. There's absolutely no way you can dispose of

that. Do you understand me?

That's why I'm calling.

I don't want it, I tell you.

I've had enough.

You return it to me, and I'll pay you $25 ,000, no questions asked.

Is that satisfactory?

What?

$25 ,000?

Fifty, then.

Not one penny more.

Agreed? Sure.

All right.

But you better not try to kill me, Mr. Harmon.

Or I just might leave a letter or something behind telling everybody how

killed Nick.

With names and everything.

And you won't be able to talk your way out of that, no matter how hard you try.

Now, now, now, calm yourself. I have no idea of what you're talking about.

Whatever trouble you and somebody else may have got yourself into is of no

concern to me.

I simply want the object returned.

I think I'm being quite generous.

All right?

All right.

But not there. I won't come there.

Any place of your choosing, my dear.

What about Birdland Woods? Do you know where that is?

Out near the reservoir?

I think I can find it.

I'll meet you there.

Just you.

I'll be there in one hour.

My, my, my, Mr. Jones.

First there was one detective, then there were two.

Now there are three. Are you sure you aren't embellishing this matter just a

little too much? I don't think so, Mr. Kirkland.

You know a Nick Fallon?

No, I'm afraid not. Why?

Nick Fallon was Ursula's boyfriend.

I never pried into her past.

We're not talking about the past, Mr. Kirkland.

He was still her boyfriend up to about three hours ago. Just who is this

He's a thief.

Second story, Matt. He got his hands on some very expensive art object and

wanted to sell it for a million dollars.

I set up a meeting to see it, but by the time he got there, he'd been shot and

killed.

Shot and...

You mean murdered?

Are you really that surprised?

What do you mean?

Are you sure that the art object doesn't belong to you?

Isn't that the reason you're so anxious to find your affectionate little

hairdresser? How dare you?

How dare you?

My dear little bear, Ursula would never be involved in such an evil conspiracy.

No, Mr. Jones.

It's obviously you who are using this criminal fantasy to mask your own

ineptitude. If you cannot perform a simple task like finding a missing girl,

then say so.

Submit your bill.

I'll find someone with the competence to do the job.

Oh, you'll get the bill, Mr.

Kirkland, after we find your little bear.

Barnaby, he's obviously lying through his teeth.

That means the truth is they still don't have what they want.

Well, if he's still after the girl, then she must have it. She may have taken

that trip out to the old zoo with Fallon.

Fallon walked into the trap. Ursula must have left before the killer got what he

wanted. Here to tell you, we don't want to get the reputation for ineptitude.

Have you visited that beauty parlor that sent Ursula Brown out on a house call?

No, not yet, Barnaby. But her best friend should be coming on duty just

now, and I don't want to be late for my appointment.

You don't have an appointment.

Laurie, Laurie, look at me.

Now, have you got any compassion in your heart? Because if you do, you're not

going to let me go out in the street looking like this, are you?

You're kind of cute, you know.

I guess I could make you irresistible. Give you that careless, seductive look.

Leave myself completely in your hands. Hey, stop fooling around.

Now, I told you before, I'm not going to tell you where she is.

Well, what about making me completely irresistible?

You bill collectors are all alike, you know that?

First they sent in that seedy character a couple of days ago.

He bombed out, so now they send you.

Wait a minute, I'm not a bill collector.

I just want to talk to Ursula, really.

Well, why don't you talk to me?

I'm more available than Ursula.

This is strictly business, honestly.

A girl's private life is her own business.

Now, I'm not going to tell you, and I have an appointment due, so why don't

clear out?

Does this mean it's over between us, Laurie?

See me again when you don't have another girl on your mind.

I'll bet I could have you chasing after me for a while.

Now out.

Goodbye, farewell.

You really want me to stay, don't you? Just to say so.

Is there something I said to you? Where did I go wrong?

I'm leaving.

Goodbye.

Ursula, don't be afraid.

Did you bring it?

No. Why not?

What, do you think I'm crazy or something?

I don't want to be left dead out here in the woods.

Where is it?

You pay me first, and then I'll call you and tell you exactly where you can find

it. I'm not so sure I like that, Ursula. How do I know I can trust you?

I'm going to run with the money, now that's for sure.

And I don't want to be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life.

I don't want Mr. Kirkland's old junk.

You can have it.

Well... There you are.

I'll expect your call within a half hour.

Stop at the phone booth near the park entrance and take down the number.

Call me there.

Sir, I... Aren't you going to count the money?

No, I think you're smarter than that.

Actually, really dumb.

If you'd just shut up long enough on the phone, you would have found out.

I was going to give it to you for free.

But thanks anyway.

What's with the phone call?

What if she double -crosses you?

What do you take me for?

Go get the car. We're going to follow her.

She's not bad looking.

Do I have to do it?

If she makes it necessary, yes.

It says here in this credit card receipt that you gave emergency road service to

Mr. Fallon two days ago.

Well, that's my writing.

They always complain that I make my sevens like my nines.

How'd you come by this?

Are you a cop or something?

No, no, no, no. I just gave the gentleman a ride, and when I let him

left his jacket in the car. I just wanted to give him his jacket back.

Yeah, well, uh, if it fits you.

I'd keep it.

Well, you know, that's one of the flaws in my character, buddy.

I'm honest.

Is there an address connected with that? Yeah.

Step over to my office.

It's kind of a little joke around here.

What did you say? That was two days ago, right? Yeah.

Yeah. There it is.

There's a dead battery. I started to jump his car for him.

Is there an address connected with that? Yeah, it's right there. Hey,

you want to know something?

You'd make a pretty good detective.

Me? Yeah.

You really think so? Sure.

Yeah. Thanks. Uh -huh.

Barnaby, I'm sure that that hairdresser is in touch with Ursula. Of course, she

wouldn't tell me anything, but from what she did say, I think that Gannis was

probably there. I just hope the number she dialed belonged to Ursula.

You get it, Betty?

Lieutenant Biddle is not too thrilled about giving us addresses for unlisted

telephone numbers, but there it is.

Well, that's probably it. Come on, let's go. In exchange for that address,

Lieutenant Biddle would like to know the whereabouts of Wally Gannis.

His ballistic reports.

show that the bullet that killed Fallon came from the same gun that shot Wally

in the park.

Well, that's good news. At least we know Wally didn't kill Fallon.

Well, Lieutenant Biddle wasn't bubbling over about it. Boyling was more to the

point. He thinks that Wally filed a false report about the mugger.

Well, since we don't hear from Wally, except when he wants something, he's not

hanging around.

He may be way ahead of us.

Well, he shows up all the time to a chair. Okay.

Hand it over, sweetheart.

Who are you?

Never mind that. Here, have it. Oh, no, listen, I gotta have it. They'll kill

me. Hey, look, I don't want to have to hurt you.

Oh, here, money. I have this money. They gave it to me.

Here.

Hey, look, I'm just trying to help you. It's not you they're after. It's the

package. Why do you think Kirkland hired me in the first place to find you?

Mr. Kirkland?

Yeah, right.

Now, look.

You give me the package, I'll worry about them, and your troubles are over,

Ursula.

Oh, Barnaby.

Just in time, it seemed.

Hey, wait a minute!

Wowee, would you look at that.

Mighty handsome.

If Mr. Kirkland denies ownership, I'm sure the police will be glad to find the

rightful owner.

No way.

No way.

Now, come on, Wally.

Let's get serious.

I'm dead serious about this, Barnaby.

I found it. It's mine.

You can't do that.

You couldn't get out of town with this.

Don't make book on that, Barnaby. Now, look, be a pal, will you? Just close

eyes. When you open them, I'll be long gone.

I can't do that.

Oh, give me a break, old friend.

Look at me. I've been hustling and scrounging around all my life and coming

empty. I've been waiting a long time for this ticket, Barnaby.

It's a one -way ticket, so turn it back.

Wally, you asked me for help.

Yeah. Maybe that was your first mistake because I'm not going to help make you a

thief.

You're going to have to shoot me to get out of this room.

Don't make me do that.

Barnaby, I don't want to do that.

How far do you think you can get with that?

Somebody will kill you for it before you can sell it. You won't even find out

what it really is. Yeah, but it's the Medici dagger.

Drop the piece, my man.

Let go of it.

Actually, it once belonged to the museum in Milan.

It was stolen in World War II.

Thought to be permanently lost.

Beautiful, isn't it?

And that's why your boss, Mr. Kirkland, ordered you to kill for it. I see you

two are still a bit confused, but it doesn't matter.

You see, even if you know, you don't really know. This is one of those

negotiable treasures that doesn't really exist.

Worth a fortune, yet no one dares admit ownership of it. And so you're going to

take it for yourself, aren't you?

That's right. The years I put in night and day for that miser.

Never a reward, not so much as a thank you.

When this precious trinket was stolen, I suddenly saw the gates to opportunity

open before me.

Since the esteemed Mr. Kirkland must deny owning it, it obviously belongs to

whomever has possession of it, which at the moment seems to be me.

That's a dangerous piece of merchandise, Mr. Harmon.

It already has blood on it.

Barnaby, listen, we may as well admit it.

We've been had.

We've been set up like suckers and played for pure patsies. Mr. Harmon, you

as well have all the chips.

I don't want anything to do with you or your money.

Hold it! That's enough.

I didn't know you guys had company.

Barnaby and I entertain like this all the time.

Barnaby, look at this.

Got shot again.

The Medici dagger.

Never heard of it.

Yeah, well, after the first 20 years behind bars, Harmon and his hired gun

going to wish they never heard of it. I suppose by now, J.

Latimer Kirkland is spending his late cocktail hour trying to explain to

Lieutenant Biddle how he happens to have this national treasure.

You know, Warnaby, if Kirkland hadn't been such a cheap, penny -pinching sort

guy, all this might not have happened. What are you trying to tell me?

What he's trying to tell you is that he's happy that... You're his boss and

a penny -pinching skimplet. I mean, you would take us out to dinner tonight and

not let us starve.

I heard you.

Oh, but that last part.

Hi, gang.

Guess what I heard you at a glass there. Something about dinner. You can count

me in about it.

How's your arm?

Oh, it's okay. Good enough to cut a tender steak.

You know, you owe me, old buddy.

I owe you?

Now, wait a minute. Hold it right there.

Just for once in your life, Wally, let's get something straight.

By what convoluted misapplication of logic do you figure that I owe you?

Well, sure.

Now, look, if you hadn't stuck your nose into my case and messed everything up,

I'd be out in the street right now with my $300 fee in my pocket.

What's the use?

I'll buy.