Original subtitles

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You know, I'm just a little concerned about Carmella.

Yeah. New nanny's totally in love with me.

That's not it.

That's not it.

What's the problem? Well, I mean, here she is, taking care of Sarah, who is the

most important person in our lives, and we don't even really know her, you know?

And what are her values? What does she like to read? What does she do in her

spare time? I don't know. I just think it's kind of... I just think it's kind

weird.

Oh. It must be her.

Excuse me?

Speak of the devil. Speak of the devil. A lot of people say that. Speak of the

devil. According to ancient legend, he said the devil's name three times.

He'd appear.

Ancient legend? You didn't get that from Beetlejuice.

No, I didn't. Yeah.

Carmela, this is our dear friend, Ed.

Hola. Hola.

Good morning, Dr.

Barton. Hi, Carmela.

How is your sausage patty?

It's fine, thanks.

You prefer the sausage patty to the sausage links?

Yeah, I suppose I do.

Patty, so much better than links.

Yeah.

Watching.

Oh, my God.

Kara Christensen.

Oh, wow.

Hi. Hi.

Hey. How are you? Good. I'm great. Look at you.

Wow, it's been a while. What are you doing here? Well, I heard you were back

Stuckyville, and I've been wanting to come by and say hi.

I'm in Jasper Town. Really? Wow. Oh, and you're married, I see.

Yeah, I am. I'm Kara Parsons now.

This is crazy.

How about you? Divorced, actually. Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's fine.

Hey, Bosco, I need an advance on my... Hello.

Hi. Phil, this is Kara Christensen, my high school girlfriend.

Hi. Kara, this is Phil, my conciliar.

Chew guy.

Oh. It is an honor to finally meet the brave woman who deflowered young Edward.

Come on. I never said that. Oh, yes, you did.

No, I didn't. Kara, would you be so...

Good as to accompany me to the prom.

God, you're such a dork.

Of course you said yes, so what does that make you? I never regretted it.

So you're telling me about your husband, George, is it?

Yes.

Something wrong?

Ed. Yeah?

I was actually hoping I could ask you for some legal advice.

Oh, legal advice, yeah, sure, what's the problem?

I think George is cheating on me.

Really? Why do you think that?

Well, it's a feeling mostly. I don't have any proof.

I just... Well, why do you have this feeling?

Because he did it once before, two years ago when we were engaged.

Oh. He said it would never happen again, but I can see certain signs.

Well, have you asked him about it?

I can't. Well, if you don't want to ask him about it, then what are you going to

do?

Well, there's this temp in my office named Selma, and she's very, very

attractive.

Every Thursday night after work, George goes out for a beer, so I hired Selma to

go and pretend to be interested in him.

You know, to see if he would go home with her.

Okay. I know, but if he says yes to Selma, then I know he's been cheating on

If he says no, then...

Maybe I can just quit obsessing about the whole thing.

So my question is, is there anything illegal in this?

Illegal? No.

Not as long as you're not actually paying this girl Selma to have sex with

husband. No, no, no.

Just to see if he would sleep with her.

Wow. No, legally, you're in the clear. But I've got to ask you, are you sure

want to do this?

I have to know.

One way or the other.

I have to know.

Just you.

Warren, Warren, Warren.

A clarinet is like a woman. Try too hard and she'll never sing for you.

My friend, you're trying too hard.

Believe me, Mrs. G, you don't have to tell Warren Cheswick how to make a woman

sing.

I have a feeling I do.

All right, you musical geniuses, I'll see you next week.

Bye, Miss G.

Bye.

Barbara. Carol. You just missed some serious woodwind abuse.

What is it that I hear about you retiring?

86 me. You're kidding. No, our beloved Principal Gable called me in this

and said they're shutting down the whole music department.

That's ridiculous.

No, no. See, it really makes a lot of sense.

As he explained it, you see, my department is the least important.

And by getting rid of it, they won't have to compromise the other

You know, the important ones.

This was Gable's idea, right? Oh, yeah. He even thanked me for taking one for

the team, the red -headed weasel.

This is just unacceptable.

You know what?

I'm going to go down there today, and I'm going to talk to them. No, no.

Don't do anything stupid on my account.

Are you going to make me stand here and tell you the 10 ,512 things you've done

for me?

Yeah.

I'm going to take care of this.

Hello. Oh, hello, Mrs. Burton.

Would you like some lunch? Oh, no. Thank you, Carmela. I'll eat later. I just

wanted a few minutes with Sarah.

Hi, sweetie.

I'll go make some taster choice.

Oh, no, please.

Stay and keep us company.

Let's get to know each other better.

Okay, Mrs. Burton.

So, Carmela, what's your favorite movie?

My favorite movie?

Yeah. Oh, I love The Fletch.

Chevy Chase is so comical.

You never know what he's thinking.

Uh, Carmela, do you mind my asking who you voted for for president? If it's too

personal, you don't have to answer. Um, I vote for Dobia because score is so

stiff like a piece of wood.

I heard that on a talk show.

Yeah.

Okay.

Eric Christian. Oh, I still remember the night of your first date.

What? You took her to see Jefferson Starship.

What's wrong with Jefferson Starship? Nothing, man.

We built this city.

We built this city on rock and roll. Built this city.

What?

By the way, Cara told me about the thing tonight.

She did? Yeah. Yeah, what is the surprise? She always liked me more than

liked you. What thing?

She's getting this super hot girl from her office to hit on her husband to see

if he'll, you know, do anything about it.

Oh my God, that's a great idea.

No, that's a bad idea.

Oh, hey, buddy. If Nancy wants to throw a hot babe my way, let's not interfere

with that. No, not you, you big dope.

Carmilla.

The nanny? Yeah.

We could test her. I mean, we could see if she could really handle a pressure

situation. Oh, wait a minute. Before, she didn't know Carmilla. Now you're

worried about her abilities? Hey, Mike.

Yeah?

Ten bucks if you eat your meal without your shirt on.

Ed, I think that's probably against the rules.

Ten bucks, Mike.

Hi. Hey, Kyle.

Hey, Kara.

So good to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Hey, can we talk?

Yeah, sure.

I'm sorry to interrupt you.

What's up? I'm having second thoughts.

I want to call it off.

I think that's a good idea.

Will you come with me?

Kara, I don't know if I should. Please look at me. I'm a nervous wreck.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, but we have to hurry. We have to get there before Selma does. Okay, yeah.

Guys, we got... We got to run.

I'll have a fresco.

Okay.

Here you go, George.

Let's see if this will put some starch in your collar.

Thank you, Marcus.

You're a gentleman and a scholar.

Excuse me.

Do you have a leg?

No.

What's your name?

George. George.

I was supposed to meet a friend here, but she's not here.

Do you mind if I wait with you?

No, I guess not.

7 o 'clock. We've got like five minutes.

Mr. Bannacore?

Uh, hey, Mr. Gable. Hey, indeed.

I understand Mr. Ryland caught you pouring orange drink into Steve

locker.

Yeah. It takes a weak man to seek thrills in the misery of others.

You are a weak man, Mr. Bannacore.

A weak, weak man.

You get me?

Yes. What are you?

A weak man. Stay out of trouble, because next time...

I'm going to put the smack down on you.

Roger.

Carol.

What can I do you for?

Sometimes I like to say do you for instead of do for you because it's

Yeah, it's jazzier.

Listen, Roger.

Barbara Genicaro is the best teacher we've got. You can't get rid of her

now.

Carol, believe me when I tell you, I have no choice.

Sure you do. There's a million other ways to restructure the budget.

Aren't you the same Carol Vesey who just yesterday didn't want us to take a

single thin dime away from the English department?

Yes, that was me. However, I did not know that Mrs. G's job would be on the

line. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Ten years ago, there was a budget crackdown

just like this one.

And I made cuts in every department in the school. And guess what?

Every teacher in Stockieville wanted old Raj's head on the state.

Hmm. What if I was able to convince the other department heads to compromise?

Good luck, sister.

Ed.

Yes, sir. One of the goals I have set for myself as your legal assistant is to

make sure that when you are drinking coffee and you finish the coffee, your

is refilled with more coffee.

Assuming you want more coffee.

That's a great call. Thanks.

Say when.

That's good.

It would have been funnier if you had actually said the word when.

Right. I'll try and remember that for next time.

God, hey. You okay?

I want to file for a divorce.

Will you help me?

It was as bad as it looked.

Much worse.

How so?

He went home with her and they slept together.

Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry. I mean, she was supposed to see if he would speak with

her. She wasn't supposed to actually sleep with him. How'd that happen? I

know. I mean, I didn't exactly give her a chance to explain, but God.

I mean, how many more have there been?

I want out of this marriage now.

I'll help you, Karen. We'll file today.

Yeah.

I'll read this.

What's it?

When we were engaged and I caught George cheating, I wanted to break it off.

The engagement, I mean.

He begged me to marry him.

And he swore that he would never cheat again.

And to prove it, he said we should get a prenup, saying that if he ever slept

with another woman, he would give me $100 ,000.

$100 ,000?

Never heard... Can I wait a second?

I know what you're thinking.

Ed, I didn't do this for the money.

I didn't know any of this was going to happen.

Are you sure you don't want this money?

I want him... I want him to pay for what he did.

He cheated on me.

I'm not going to do it. Oh, so I guess you don't care. I should be acting in a

situation where Sarah's life is at stake. No, no, no. I can't. I'm just not

going to do it.

I fake a bone cake.

Oh, Carmela, it looks delicious.

For you and for you.

Thanks, Carmela. You're welcome.

He's choking.

What should we do in this situation?

Stand up, Dr. Burton.

Stand up. Stand up. Okay.

Thank

you.

That was nothing, Dr. Burton.

I just did a Heimlich maneuver.

It's such a wonderful maneuver.

Your authors?

Here.

Parsons? What have you found?

I haven't heard from you in two days.

What's going on?

Mr. Parsons, your wife is suing for divorce on grounds of infidelity. She

intends to collect on your prenuptial agreement.

What?

You cheated on me.

What are you talking about?

Honey, I have no idea what you think you heard or what you think you know.

Oh, my God, you are just lying to my faith. What is the basis of this

accusation? Thelma Northell told me that she slept with you.

What, you know her?

I hired her.

You what?

Just a second.

You hired a woman to sleep with your husband?

Not to sleep with him to test his fidelity. It was never supposed to go as

as it did.

You've got to be kidding me.

Mrs. Parsons, forget about the prenup.

Let's go, George.

Now, Miss Northell, I need you to tell me exactly what happened between you,

George, and Kara.

Right. Well, Kara offered me $500 to try and seduce her husband.

Why'd you accept the offer?

I guess it sounded exciting.

I'd like to be one of those sexy singles on Temptation Planet, you know?

Island.

Why'd you say island?

No reason.

Miss Northell, Kara hired you to seduce George but not sleep with him, is that

right? Yes. She was very clear about what she wanted me to do.

So then what happened that night?

I don't know. I got swept up in things.

Swept up in things?

You got swept up in things?

It ever occur to you that while you're getting swept up in things that you're

actually ruining these two... Sorry.

Anyway, Miss North, on a scale of one to ten, how hard was it to seduce George

Parsons?

Can I say zero?

Sure.

Two.

As you know, Roger Gable has convinced the school board to cut our music

program, which I'm sure you all agree is a real disgrace.

But we teachers can stop it from happening if we are all willing to

little.

Take me, for example.

Every year, I set aside money for a field trip to the Renaissance Fair, and

a lot of fun. The kids love it, but I'm willing to give it up.

So, how about you guys, huh?

Come on.

Nobody?

Belinda, how about you?

You give a brand new beret to every single French student, and that's great.

It's great, but is it really necessary?

Okay.

Okay, look.

This isn't just about the music program.

This is about what Barbara Giannicaro does for our students.

I first met Mrs. G in junior high band when I was 13 years old.

And as some of you may remember, that was the year my mom passed away.

I remember one day I was having a particularly hard time, and Mrs. G took

the pie shop, and she just sat with me.

I've never known another teacher to care as much as she does.

I really don't think we can afford to lose her.

Those berets are in my contract.

Tell me about the first time you caught George Parsons cheating on you.

We were engaged.

I was having dinner at Friendly's with my sister, and I looked across the room,

and there was George holding hands with a woman.

I walked over, and I threw my fribble in his face.

And did he admit to being unfaithful?

Yes. But you married him anyway. Why?

Because I loved him.

Because I thought I could change him.

Because he promised that it would never happen again.

And to back up that promise, Mr. Parsons suggested the prenuptial agreement.

Yes, he did.

Mrs. Parsons, when you hired Selma Northbelt, did you ever imagine that she

would actually sleep with your husband?

God, no. Now that she has, you stand to make $100 ,000. Doesn't that make you

glad that she did?

Absolutely not.

I wish the whole thing had never happened.

Of course.

Thank you.

If you don't care about the money, why are you here?

I'm here because George cheated on me and he should pay the price.

So it's the principle of the thing.

That's right.

So you're too principled to care about the money, but not too principled to

scheme behind your husband's back. Would you say that's accurate?

Objection. Withdrawn.

Mrs. Parsons, are you familiar with the term entrapment?

I've heard of it.

Let's say that a policeman is working undercover as a drug dealer.

And he goes up to a guy who isn't looking for drugs, someone who's waiting

bus, let's say.

and he convinces him to buy.

That's entrapment.

Inducing someone who hadn't intended to commit a crime to do so.

Now, if the police can't get away with that, why should you?

Again, Your Honor, I have to object.

Mrs. Parsons did not hire Selma, nor fell asleep with her husband. She did

mean to induce him to break the prenup. It's just what she did. She didn't mean

to. Moving on, Mr. Walters.

Yes, Your Honor, just one more question.

Mrs. Parsons, isn't there some part of you that feels...

that you brought this whole thing on yourself.

Objection, Your Honor. That's for the court to decide.

Overruled, Ms. Parsons.

Yes, but I don't... Nothing further.

You know, that meeting wasn't a complete failure.

I did talk Coach Kerwin into a 20 % cutback on dodgeballs.

Don't feel bad. You gave it your best shot.

Yeah.

Hey. Ed, do you remember Mrs. G?

Hey, hi.

Welcome. Welcome to Stucky Wall. You know, Ed, when you were in high school,

something about the way you played the French horn made me think that one day

you'd be a lawyer who owned a bowling alley.

Is that right? Or a doctor.

Or an accountant. Or anything but a professional French horn player. Thank

Hey, listen, I'm sorry to hear about the music department.

Don't say sorry. We are not done trying yet.

Um, excuse me, what is wrong with you people?

Phil? Look, you're trying to save the music, right?

Right. Well, hello.

Haven't you ever seen a cinematic masterpiece called Mr. Holland's Opus?

so? So, you gotta put on a big concert. That's how you save the music. That's

how you get things done.

Hello? That's nice, but it probably works better in movies than in real

Birth to Carol.

Hello? Please stop saying hello.

Mr. Parsons, before the incidents with Selma Northfield, Did you ever stray

your marriage?

No, never. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Kara again.

Describe what happened the night you met Miss Northvale. I was having my usual

Thursday night beer when in walks one of the most beautiful women I've ever

seen. She sat down next to me and started coming on to me pretty hard.

I know I should have, but I couldn't just walk away.

It was like my life became a Playboy video.

Nothing like that had ever happened to me before.

And never would have if your wife hadn't hired her.

That's right.

My days of hitting on women were over.

I wouldn't have gone home with anyone that night or any night if Kara hadn't

me up.

Thank you.

Mr. Parsons, did you promise not to cheat on your wife?

Did you cheat on your wife? Yes. Did anyone put a gun to your head and

you to do so?

No. Were there marionette strings attached to your body forcing you to

unwillingly cheat on your wife? No. Were you hypnotized into doing so?

Objection! Were you blackmailed into doing so? We get it, Mr. Stevens.

I know you do, Your Honor. I just don't think the witness does.

Mr. Parsons, you had the freedom to decide what to do that night. You had

options. Cheat or walk away.

Destroy your marriage by betraying your wife or be true to your word.

Which option did you take?

Mr. Parsons, I cheated.

You cheated.

Nothing further.

Hey.

Hey, Eddie, guys.

Hey, Eddie.

Listen, do you mind doing me a little favor?

What's that?

Go to our house and see if you can convince Carmela to let you take Sarah.

Okay, two things. One, I'm due back in court in like ten minutes, and two, you

may very well be just going insane.

See, honey, it's insane.

Hey, old people, do you mind if I burger that mayonnaise?

Warren, are you busy later today?

Yes,

may I help you?

Yeah, the Burton sent me here to pick up Sarah.

What? For what?

Oh, for the baby party.

I've been invited to a party with some of the foremost babies in Stuckyville.

It's like a baby cotillion.

No, no. I know nothing about that. But it starts in ten minutes. She's going to

miss the red carpet.

She's going to miss Army Archer.

No, no. I'm sorry.

Wait, wait, wait.

I think she's going for it.

Yeah,

Nance, I was wrong. This is kind of fun.

No, it's not.

No, this is not fun, Mike. This is crazy.

What was I thinking?

What?

This is going too far. Mike, I can't do this to Carmela.

I got to stop him.

I got to stop him. What?

I got to stop him.

I

think

we

got him.

I really do.

All we need is a killer closing argument. We're going to win this thing.

Ed. Yeah?

Is it my imagination, or did you kind of go nuts in court today?

What do you mean?

When you were questioning George, you really went after him.

Oh.

Yeah. I guess I did.

It's been such a long time since we've seen each other, I guess I'm just

surprised you're taking such a personal interest in my case.

Last October, I came home and I found my wife in bed with a mailman.

Oh, God.

A different situation than yours entirely.

My marriage had been over for a long time. Years, actually.

Now you get to relive the whole thing again because of me.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

As painful as that was, a big part of me is glad it happened.

Otherwise, Liz and I might still be together, might still be staring at each

other from across the table, having another silent dinner and wondering if

things were ever going to get better.

Because she did what she did.

I'm here.

I'm glad you're here.

When? I told you it was funnier.

Hey, Ed.

Hey, hi.

Hi, Kara.

How are you? Come on in.

How you doing?

And it's been really great having an old friend at a time like this.

Awfully embarrassing.

Look, Kara, I... No, I'm... I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm... I'm sorry.

You don't have to apologize. I know what you're going through.

Yeah.

Can I...

Can I make a suggestion? Not as a lawyer, but as a friend.

What?

You should drop this case.

What?

Why? I thought you said we're headed for a win.

We are, but even if we win, then they'll appeal, and this thing will just go on

and on and on.

I don't care.

I want George to pay.

Carrie, you don't want George's money.

You want revenge, and trust me, no amount of revenge is going to make you

any better.

What's the answer?

Time.

The sooner you allow this to be put behind you, the sooner you allow the

to start ticking, the better you're going to feel.

Just walk away.

Okay.

Carrie, you're making the right decision.

You are.

I have one condition.

What's that?

I want George to look me in the eye and tell me whether or not he was cheating

on me before I hired Selma.

If he does that, then I'll drop the case.

Whether the answer is yes or no?

That's right.

Can't he just lie?

He has nothing to lose by telling the truth.

And until he tells the truth, I'm never going to be able to put this behind me.

Yeah, that's a tasty pizza.

Where's Carmela?

Oh, she's running late.

Honey, I am so embarrassed for the way I've been acting. I feel like the

biggest jerk.

It's okay, man. It's your mom.

You're allowed to worry every once in a while.

Yeah, but I haven't been honest with myself.

What do you mean?

I know there's nothing wrong with Carmela. I know that she does a good

just that sometimes I feel like... Like maybe she's not doing her job.

She's doing your job?

My hair's only going to grow up once.

And I'm not going to be there.

Do you think you want to stop working?

I don't know.

Honey, maybe I do.

Well, whatever you decide.

Me and this woman are right behind you.

Maybe I should stop working, too.

Oh, really?

Oh, okay.

So what are we going to do for money?

I don't know. Figure I'll go downtown once a month, maybe work the hotel

lobbies, sell my body to aging divorcees.

Hmm.

Well, honey, do you really think we can live on 38 cents a month?

Nice one.

I'm going to the sleep bar.

Hey, Carol. Hi.

Hi. I just stopped by for a little visit. That's great. How are you doing?

Really? This Mississippi thing is killing me. Oh, yeah.

How about you? Must be weird representing your high school

Yeah, you could say that.

Any of the old Sparks rekindling? Hey, hey, hey, hey. He's a married woman.

Oh. Easy, senor. Touchy. I was kidding.

Oh. Oh.

Hey, kids.

Hey, Barbara.

Hi. What are you doing here?

You tell me.

What are you talking about?

Well, I got your message. Be it Stucky Bowl, 8 p .m. sharp.

I didn't leave you a message.

Did you?

Not me.

Come on inside.

Mrs. Jenna Caro.

So glad you could make it. Oh.

Phil, what's up?

Say hello to Mr. John Emerson, president of the Stuckyville School Board.

Mr. Emerson, huh?

What are you doing here?

A lawyer named Ed Stevens called my office and said his client was suing me

insurance fraud.

No, I didn't, Phil. And, of course, you all know Principal Gable.

What's going on? I'll tell you what's going on.

16 years ago, the brightest stars in the music business and Dan Aykroyd checked

their egos at the door to fight hunger in Africa.

Tonight, their spirit lives on right here in Stuckyville.

This is Barbara Jenicaro.

We are the town.

is joined as one when our town comes together to sing

without music things just wouldn't be the same

so we're here tonight to sing one woman's name

And we can't read.

Mr. Emerson, I had nothing to do with bringing you here tonight, but I'm very

glad you came.

Because you can see what Mrs. Genicaro means to the people of our town.

She has done more for our students than any other teacher I know.

Although Principal Gable can't seem to appreciate that. Maybe you can.

Come on.

Tell me you can find a way to keep Mrs. G at our school.

I'm very impressed with what I've seen here tonight.

But it doesn't change the fact that our budget is spread much too thin.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to stick by Mr. Gable's decision.

Mr. Emerson. Barbara, I'm very sorry.

Great show, kids.

Mr.

Walters. Mr. Parsons?

I just want to make sure that we're all clear on the terms of the deal.

It's really very simple. My client has a question for Mr. Parsons. Once he

answers this question, regardless of what that answer may be,

we'll drop the case.

Is that okay with everybody?

Kara?

George?

Before I did this thing to you, were you cheating on me?

You have nothing to lose, Mr. Parsons. Remember, no matter which way you

the case is dropped.

It's the end of that.

Thank you, Mr. Stevens.

Walters.

Wait, Mr. Parsons.

Well, you just told her right now. Is that the truth?

Mr. Stevens.

Let's go, George. You insisted all along that you weren't cheating on her. Now,

even though you didn't have to, even though the case would have been dropped

either way, you said you were.

So what's the truth?

When I slept with that girl, I ruined our marriage.

At this point, I think that's the only truth that matters.

Not bad. Not bad at all. Thanks, Mrs. G.

Mark, I got a question for you.

Why does my prized trombonist feel the need to go around vandalizing school

property?

I don't know.

The kids whose stuff you messed up, I mean, did they do something to piss you

off? No.

Then why did you do it?

I don't know. I... I...

I just felt like it.

What is it you're so angry about?

Do you drink coffee?

No. Well, now's a good time to start.

Meet me at the pie shop after school and, you know, have ourselves a little

chat.

Is this like detention?

No, it's not like detention.

I'll see you later.

Barbara. Hi, Annie.

I just want you to know that this is not over yet. I've actually started a

petition. And I'm sure that if we get all the parents... Carol, listen.

Everything you've done, it's wonderful.

But this just isn't meant to be.

Barbara. Next month, I'm turning 70.

I don't want to do this forever.

Maybe now is as good a time as any to just stop.

But is there anything else I can do for you? Anything at all?

There is one thing.

I thought it was really good seeing you.

Yeah, you too, Kara.

So, what are you going to do now?

I don't know.

I've got a lot of decisions to make.

You got my number. If things get bad, you call, right?

Yeah.

You going to be okay?

I don't know. Am I?

Yeah, you will.

I am.

Like that.

Bye.

What are you doing here?

Just seeing Kara. What are you doing? You want to grab a bite?

Um, actually, I'm meeting somebody here at the pie shop. Really?

Really. Busting social count, everyone wants Kara Vesey. Yeah, well, you know

him. There he is.

Mark! Hiya, Tressie. Hi. I was here to meet with Mrs. Janet Kara. Yes, I know.

I'm filling in.

I'll call you later.

So, get some pie and see if we can't figure some stuff out.