Original subtitles

Mike, you know they got peanut butter and bacon sandwiches at the diner? You

ever tried them? Nope. Oh, then you're not living, my friend.

Peanut butter and bacon, that sounds disgusting.

No, no, it turns out that the oil in the peanut butter mixes with the fat in the

bacon and, oh, it turns into this.

No, no, trust me on this. It's just taste sensations. Hey, who got you to

the sweet tarts and the cheese whiz? True. There you go.

Hey, Mike.

Yep. You see the people at the bus stop?

Yep. I believe these people need to see Mike Burton do the snake dance.

Oh, no way. Come on. Ten bucks, Mike.

Yeah, okay.

There he goes.

Go get him, sport.

Watching.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go

before I sleep. Miles to go before I sleep.

What does Robert Frost mean by sleep?

Anyone?

Clark.

I don't know. Well, somebody marked down the date and time. Miss Bessie finally

stumped the brainiac.

Mark, that's enough.

Death. Sleep is death. He's tired from living.

But he's got lots to do, quote, promises to keep before he dies.

That's right.

I'm sure you knew that, genius.

Did you just call me genius?

Yeah, but you see, he was being sarcastic because you're not a genius.

Warren, it's enough. Now, if everybody could turn to Emily Dickinson's Because

Could Not Stop for Death.

Shirley, hello.

Hey.

Did you want to talk about something?

Please.

I was ordering combos yesterday.

The pretzels with the cheese in them.

And I decided instead to order the pretzels with the peanut butter in them.

For a change.

But I realized that change was not enough.

I need more.

Oh. Well, what change did you have in mind?

You know how you're a bowling alley lawyer.

I prefer not to be called that. Well, I would like to move away from the bowling

alley side and work more on the lawyer side.

Oh, I see.

I want to be your assistant.

I could bring you coffee and write stuff down.

You know, Shirley, there's more to being a legal assistant than just that. You

have to be very organized.

I'm very organized.

For example, I store the bendy straws and the straight straws separately.

I didn't know we had bendy straws.

Yeah, I ordered them.

Bendy straws make drinking more pleasurable.

I'm facing out the straits.

The store was closed?

Yeah, Phil. That means I'm having a private conversation.

Private?

Ah, I see. A secret staff meeting. I'm sorry I didn't get the memo.

Okay, Shirley, why don't we try this thing?

You work for one week as my legal assistant.

Qua. And if at the end of the week I'm happy with your work, then you've got

yourself a new job. Acceptable?

Thank you, Ed.

You're welcome.

Swimming with sharks.

Okay, that's it, class.

Don't forget, tomorrow there may or may not be a pop quiz on this material, so

do the reading. Hint, hint.

Bye -bye.

Clark, could I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

Um, you don't seem to be yourself lately.

I'm fine.

Now, I know you well enough to know that that's not true.

If you're having a problem, I'm here to help you.

Clark, you can tell her, man. She's cool. I mean, I've hit her with some

deep inside the soul type stuff, and she's always been rock and roll solid

me. And I gotta say, she's opened up to me a few times before, too. Warren,

Warren, we were having a private conversation.

I would kind of like it if he stayed.

Okay.

It's just my gym teacher, Mr. Kerwin.

He said that if I don't pass the next fitness test, he's going to give me a D

gym, and that D would ruin my grade point average and my class rank and

basically all but destroy my chances to get a scholarship from an Ivy League

school. What is this fitness test?

The usual.

Sit -ups, chin -ups, push -ups, shuttle run, 50 -yard dash.

While I'm gifted with a natural athletic prowess, my friend Clark is not as

fortunate, genetically speaking.

Yeah, I'm slow and I'm weak.

But you participate, right, Clark? I mean, you try your best.

Yeah, sure.

I mean, I show up to class every day. I even wrote a 20 -page report on the

history of dodgeball. It's invented by the Chinese.

Go figure.

Okay, okay, let me see if I understand this.

Even though you try your best, the fact that you weren't born with a natural

ability to run 50 yards in 7 seconds or whatever it is means that Mr. Kerwin is

going to give you a D in gym?

Yeah. I don't think he likes me. He always calls me college boy.

And he smells like Bengay.

Warren.

It's not relevant, but I just thought you should have a lot of facts. No,

listen, this is outrageous, Clark. This is absolutely outrageous, and I'm going

to do something about it. I don't want you to worry about this anymore.

Thank you.

See, is this kid terrific or what?

Warren. I know, we're all caught up in the moment.

Warren. Sorry. Thank you.

So, what's bothering you today, Mrs. Buticus?

I'm itchy.

Okay.

Anywhere in particular?

Nope. Just overall, sort of?

All right, well, if you've ever had an allergic reaction... Dr. Burton?

Excuse me, yes, Dr. Jerome? May I see your diploma?

It's right there on the wall.

Oh, yes.

What a marvelous piece of craftsmanship.

Yeah, I'm with a patient, Dr. Jerome. Whoever forged this diploma must really

take pride in his work. I mean, it looks just like the real thing.

What's this about?

Last week, Mr. Gatehouse came in with a blistering skin condition on his left

forearm. That's right.

According to his chart, you did an immunofluorescence test, diagnosed

pemphigoid, and sent him home with a topical corticosteroid.

That's right. Is there a problem with that? No, no problem at all, except that

bullous pemphigoid should be treated with oral prednisone. Only in severe

Mr. Gatehouse, I didn't want to risk the side effects.

A man's got a rash from here to Azerbaijan.

This is a severe case.

I disagree.

You disagree? Yes, I do. I disagree.

You don't get to disagree, you knuckle -dragging cretin.

I have been a doctor for half a century. You have been a doctor since lunch.

I am a man.

You are a child.

I know everything.

You know nothing.

You're being treated by a talking horse.

Surely you are really ready, huh?

Stapler, notepad, paperclip holders, number two pencils.

You know, if things go really well, we'll bump you up to number three

What? Nothing, it's a joke.

And I enjoyed it very much.

Yeah. Ed, I need to talk to you about something.

Mr. Stevens is not available at the moment.

Mr. Stevens will see you now.

So what's the matter?

Oh, I wanted to ask you a legal question.

Sure. Can a student sue a teacher for giving him an unfair grade?

Well, first of all, anyone can sue anyone for anything. It's just a matter

whether or not you'll win. Why is someone suing you? No, no, but there's

kid, Clark Salinger. He is my absolute prize student.

I mean, Ed, this kid is bright, enthusiastic.

He's everything.

Anyway, this muscle -headed jock Neanderthal gym teacher is screwing up

chance of getting a college scholarship by giving him a D in gym.

Can you believe that? Gym.

Well, have you talked to the guy?

No, believe me, there's no talking to Frank Kerwin. The guy's got the IQ of a

Pop -Tart.

Kerwin? He was my basketball coach. I don't know what to do, Ed.

I mean, this kid's family has no money. I've talked to the principal, but he

doesn't want to interfere in a teacher's grade, so... Well, why don't I go down

to the school and have an informal chat with Coach Kerwin? Maybe I can talk some

sense into him.

I don't think you're going to get anywhere there, Ed. Trust me.

Perhaps you're forgetting, Carol Beshey, that I am a master negotiator.

I'm Connery.

Oh, yes, yes.

I thought you might enjoy a hot cup of coffee.

Wow, thank you, Shirley.

And a candy apple.

Mm -hmm.

Enjoy your meeting.

Come on, move it!

Show me something now! Show me!

Show me!

One part Namby, one part Pamby. That's what I'm seeing right now, gentlemen.

Coach Kerwin. Well, if the chickens haven't come home to roost. Earl

Ed Stevens. Right, right.

Varsity basketball, 87?

Yeah.

Annoying little point guard, quick, decent from downtown. You couldn't get a

rebound to save your life.

That pretty much sums me up. What do you got for me, Steve?

Steve, this ulcer is playing Bob Goes the Weasel on me again.

Sorry to hear that, Coach. I came to talk about one of your students, Clark

Salinger. Salinger? Yeah, he's a good kid. He's a smart kid.

I was under the impression you didn't like him.

Well, why is that? Because I'm the big, dumb gym teacher who doesn't like smart

kids?

No, Coach, a friend of mine said you're planning to give him a D in gym. I don't

know if you know this, but a D in gym would really hurt his chances of getting

scholarship to college.

I'm not planning to give him a D. I'm planning to give him the grade he earns.

Right, Coach Kern, when you say earns, isn't some of that beyond his control?

How so?

Well, can you really penalize a kid for not being able to do 10 chin -ups or be

able to run the 50 -yard dash in under seven seconds? I mean, if the kid's here

every day, he tries hard, doesn't that count for something?

It counts for something, but not everything.

Let me ask you a question.

What about the kid who shows up every day and tries hard in math class?

Come test time, he gets every problem wrong. What grade should he get? Should

slide him a B?

What? Well, no, not necessarily.

Those are two different... Some kids are just not born to do the 50 -yard dash

in seven seconds.

Yeah, some kids aren't born to do math problems.

This cold -hearted world we're living in is based on results, not intentions.

And that's a lesson best taught early.

Believe me, Stevens, I've given all this a whole hell of a lot more thought than

you.

Or, uh, your little friend Carol Vessi.

He called you a talking horse?

Yeah, right in front of Mrs. Bukas.

Just because you have different pains on things doesn't mean he's like a... Mrs.

Burton, how lovely to see you.

Hi, Dr. Jerome.

Dr. Burton, I'm afraid my temper got the best of me this morning.

I do apologize, so I hope you'll accept this small token of my affection.

Okay, thanks.

Go on, open it. What are you waiting for, Columbus Day?

All right.

If you have trouble with any of the concepts, I'll be more than happy to

them to you.

Always a pleasure, Mrs. Burton.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey.

Hey. So, you talked to Frank Kerwin? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And? Oh, yeah, we talked it through.

Chewed on it, knocked it about, hashed it out, bandied it back and forth. And

he's not going to reconsider giving Clark a D, is he?

No. I knew it. I knew you weren't going to get anywhere with that guy. Can you

believe they let people like that become teachers?

Yeah, well, you know, they do.

Thanks for trying.

Okay, Carol. Thank you, Carol.

You're being weird.

Am I?

Yeah.

Something you're not telling me? No.

I don't know.

Yeah? What?

Well, let me begin by putting this very large buffing machine between the two of

us. There you go.

I think Mr. Carwin might be a little different than you think he is.

What do you mean?

I'm just saying, I think the guy might actually be, you know, a little bit

right. What? How can you think that he is right? To deny a kid a chance to go

a good college just because he can't do a couple push -ups? It's not as obvious

as you think it is at first glance, Carol. You know, the guy actually made

good points. The guy actually made some good points? That's what I said. The guy

made some good points. He thought this through more than you might imagine. All

I'm saying is the guy made some good points. I am in the Twilight Zone.

I have entered a completely different dimension in which Ed Stevens is being a

complete dope. See, now that's not necessary. Carol, it's very possible for

different people to have different points of view without either of them

dope, you know. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is, Carol. Not in

this case, it's not. And don't you condescend to me. I'm not condescending

you. You called me a dope. I did not call you a dope. Yes, you did. I did not

call you a dope.

I said you were being a dope. Oh, that's great. Oh, I thought I was being

insulted, but now you've cleared it up. Thanks for the distinction. Look, all

I'm saying is the guy made some good points. Will you stop saying that?

Stop it! Fine.

Fine. Fine.

Fine.

Made some good points. What?

Nothing.

I think this is a lost cause. Hey, remember when you tutored me in

I thought I was a lost cause.

You got a C -.

That's not the point. I mean, you and I both know the only way out of this

nightmare is to actually pass the fitness test.

Right, and we both know that I'm a loser.

Oh, yeah.

Just like a man named Rocky Balboa used to be.

Hmm. Funny.

Remember Rocky 2? When Mick makes Rocky chase that chicken all around? He's

like, speed is the thing.

Greasy, fast speed. You're gonna eat lightning and crack thunder.

All right, look, what if that thing pecks me?

I don't know. It's not gonna peck you.

Just get ready, all right?

Balls of your feet.

If you can catch this thing, you can catch Grease Lightning.

Go get it!

You've got to give it more of a head start.

What the hell is this?

No need to thank me, Dr. Burton. I enjoy helping you out.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Dr. Jerome.

Here you are.

Ed, I've got a question.

Yes, Shirley.

How shall I answer the phone?

I was thinking of something like, you have reached the offices of Edward J.

Stevens.

Please leave a message after the beep.

Beep.

No,

that's good, but if you're here and you answered, you could just ask them who

they are and what they want. But they would say all that after the beep, and

then I would write it down, and then I would buzz you through the intercom and

tell you what they said.

Okay, but by then they would have hung up because they would think we're not

here. Well, then we need to get Cole waiting.

Coach Cohen.

Oh, call me Frank.

Can we talk?

Sure. Come on in.

They're going to sue me, Ed.

Who's going to sue you?

Clark Salinger's parents.

They said if I give them a D in gym, they'll sue me.

What did you tell them?

Well, I told them that depending on how their son did on the fitness test, his

final grade could be as high as a B.

Ed, I want you to be my lawyer.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Doesn't the school have legal counsel?

No, they're letting old Frank Kerwin twist in the wind pretty good on this

Huh. They're distancing themselves like Japanese businessmen.

Look, um, Coach Frank, under normal circumstances, yes, I would be glad to

you out, but I can't take this case. I'm friends with Carol Bessie, and as you

probably know, she's firmly in the Salinger camp. It's a conflict. But you

I'm right?

Yes, I do. But you won't take the case? No, there's plenty of great lawyers in

this document. I could help you get one.

I've already been to three lawyers.

They all look at me the same way, like I'm the big, dumb gym teacher who's got

it in for the smart kid.

You're the only one who seems to understand that even a guy who wears a

sweatsuit to work every day could still have principles.

Yeah, but look, I really... You're the only one who hasn't said, just give the

kid a B and be done with it.

I'm doing this for all the right reasons, Ed.

I could lose my job.

I need you.

Okay.

The kid nails the test. This will all be avoided, right?

Just have to keep our fingers crossed, I guess.

That's it. Now grab the rope.

Pull yourself up.

I think I'm getting rope burn.

Okay.

So much for your strength.

And what would you say is your biggest weakness?

Oh.

I'd have to say my biggest weakness is that sometimes I'm just too intense. I

can lose myself in a project.

So interesting.

Thank you. Under special skills. It says you know all the state capitals by

heart. Is that true?

All except Nebraska.

It's okay.

Phil?

What's going on? Bosco, I've begun the interviewing process for replacing

Shirley at the snack counter.

Hello?

Phil, do I really have to say it? Ed, we are hemorrhaging without Shirley. I beg

you to stop your complacency.

Okay, Phil, I'm going to go ahead and say it.

No.

Ladies. Okay, well, just in case, I'm going to continue the interview anyway.

Great.

Before you are ten physical fitness stations testing a combination of

coordination, speed, and flexibility.

You'll be given a score based on your performance at each station.

Your combined score will constitute 85 % of your grade.

Any questions?

Okay, let's do it.

Move! Move!

Move! Move! Move!

Move! Just a perfect day.

Feed animals in the zoo.

Then later, a movie too, and then home.

Oh,

such a perfect day.

You just keep me hanging on. You just keep me

hanging on.

Excuse me one minute.

Come on, I'll be right back.

So Molly tells me on a scale of one to mad, you're mad.

No, not really.

Confused.

Disappointed, maybe. Carol, why can't you allow for the possibility that this

case might be a little less black and white than you think it is? You don't

to justify yourself. I'm not.

I'm just trying to explain that I'm... That what?

That you're representing a low life? Carol, it's just your opinion. Okay.

Case 221, SMB, Clark Salinger versus Frank Kerr.

Clark, what kind of grades do you normally get at Stuckyville High School?

I pretty much get A's.

I got an A - in woodshop. My bird feeder was kind of iffy.

It says here you ran the 50 -yard dash in 8 .7 seconds, which, according to Mr.

Kerwin, is performing at a D level.

Why didn't you run any faster?

I can't run faster.

Did you ever practice running the 50 -yard dash?

Yeah. My friend Warren Cheswick tried to train me, but I could never really do

better than 8 .7 seconds.

Once I did it in 8 .6, but I think that was wind -aided. So no matter how hard

you tried, how much you practiced, it was actually impossible, based on Mr.

Kerwin's grading system, to get any higher than a D, D -plus in gym. Do you

think that's discriminatory?

Rejection. Overruled.

Answer the question.

Yes. If you ask me, Mr. Kirwan has a rig so that it's impossible for kids like

me to get a reasonable grade in his gym class.

Clark, you seem like a terrific kid. I'm sorry if this has all been difficult

for you. I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

In your last report card, you received an A -plus in English, math, chemistry,

history, and French.

Do you think you deserve these grades?

I think so, yeah. I think you did. I talked to your teachers. They say you're

one of the best students they've ever had.

Do you think you're one of the best students Mr. Kerwin's ever had?

Definitely not.

So you would expect to get a lower grade in gym than these other subjects?

Lower, yeah, but not... That would be plus, right? I get that. That's fair.

So we agree that the grade should be lower, but we just don't agree on how

Is that fair?

Yeah.

Thank you, Clark.

I think further.

I gotta go.

Hey, come in.

Dr. Jerome, we need to talk. Oh, Dr. Burton, just the man I was looking for.

Come, please have a seat. We got a special treat just in store for you.

Wendy?

Here you go.

And what is this, Wendy?

Children?

Welcome to our show.

Your stomach?

Hmm.

Dr. Burton, my stomach is down here.

Oh, oh, yeah. I forgot, because I'm a longhead, and I got my diploma from a

of Froot Loops.

Come, children.

Good day, Dr. Burton.

I don't even like Froot Loops.

Miss Fessy, you know Clark Salinger quite well, yes?

Yes, he's in my English class, and I'm also his faculty advisor.

And what kind of kid is he?

He's great.

Bright, inquisitive, very special.

Did you notice a change of behavior in Clark recently?

Yes, I did. He seemed dejected and despondent. I asked him what was

him, and he told me about Mr. Kerwin.

Why do you think that bothered him so much?

Clark has dedicated himself to getting a scholarship to pay for college.

The kinds of scholarships that he would be applying for wouldn't accept a

student with a D -plus on his transcript.

Miss Bessie, you've been a teacher at Stuckyville High School for many years

now.

Do you think Frank Kerwin's grading system is fair?

Absolutely not.

I believe that Frank Kerwin is jealous of students like Clark, and this is his

way of acting out that jealousy.

Thank you.

Mr. Stevens?

Care to cross -examine?

No, Your Honor.

Actually,

Actually, yes, Your Honor. I'm sorry, I will cross -examine.

Miss Bessie.

Miss Bessie, do you ever socialize with Frank Curwen?

No. Do you tend to spend time with him at school?

No. So then you don't really know him that well.

No, not really.

Then how can you tell that he's jealous of kids like Clark Salinger?

I can just tell.

You can just tell? Mm -hmm.

And, uh...

That's enough to make you comfortable to testify against him in a court of law

where the man's career and personal reputation hang on the line?

Frank Curwen is a gym teacher.

He likes athletes.

He's the kind of man who discriminates against academically -minded students

because they're different than he is.

And are you then, Miss Bessie, the kind of woman that discriminates against men

like Frank Curwen simply because they're different than you are?

Objection.

Nothing more.

I didn't want to question Carol. I had no choice. Her testimony was really

damaging. I had to do my job.

I understand.

Frank Kerwin's a decent guy.

Sorry, Ed.

I am on the other side of this. Frank Kerwin is holding a really good kid back

from getting a scholarship.

He's sticking to a principal.

How do you blame him for that? I can blame him for that because it's a stupid

principal. I mean, the fact that a kid can't run fast shouldn't change his

chances of getting into college, period.

Okay, his gym grade should be based on his attitude and how hard he works.

Kerwin knows that.

So how mad is she?

Well, think of the word mad and put like 10 ,000 berries in front of it.

You know what I think is complicating this situation a little? What? The whole

Bonnie Hayne thing.

Oh, come on. No, I'm serious, Molly. That was a weird time for me and Carol.

We haven't yet been able to totally re -find our footing.

I'm sure the two of you will find your footing.

I don't know.

What do you think I should do about Carol?

Case will come and go. Everything will be fine.

I don't just mean the case. I mean everything.

Ed.

Please take what I'm about to say in the best possible way.

Okay.

Albert Einstein was put on this earth to come up with the theory of relativity.

Alexander Graham Bell, the telephone.

James Lewis Kraft individually wrapped slices of cheese.

Molly Hudson's great purpose on this earth, not yet decided, but...

I can tell you for sure what it is not.

And that is to be a go -between for the greatest relationship of our time.

Edward J. Stevens.

Carol Phyllis Bessie. Will they?

Won't they? They fight.

They're friends. Ooh!

What will happen next?

I'm sorry. I... I have my own life to lead.

You're right.

It's not your problem. Sorry.

Yeah, well, um, not that you asked, but...

If you must know, uh, first time I heard you'd slept with, uh, what's her name,

Lois Lane?

Bonnie Hane. Well, frankly, it gave me the heebie -jeebies, too.

Really?

There is a Miss Bessie to see you.

Carol, hey.

Come on in.

Shall I send her in?

She's in, Shirley.

Roger that.

This is the definition of an awkward silence.

I'm sorry about today in court. I had no choice.

I brought you something.

What's that?

Turns out I was wrong about Frank Kerwin.

You were?

Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't have it in for Clark Salinger. He has it in for me.

What are you talking about?

Well, after you were done humiliating me in court today, I remembered something.

Six years ago, I failed a student in English named Sean Ellis.

Turns out that Sean was the star player on Frank Kerwin's basketball team, and

when I failed him, he could no longer play basketball.

So your principled Frank Kerwin, who is so devoted to maintaining his high

standards of physical education, is actually nothing more than a man seeking

revenge. Ed, the guy is trying to get back at me through an innocent student

just wants a scholarship to college.

Why don't you see how this holds up in court?

Have to admit, that was a cool exit.

I'm so screwed.

Sean Ellis.

Pardon me?

Don't tell me you don't remember Sean Ellis.

Basketball player six years ago.

Tried to get Calvesi to change his grade. She refused.

That is correct.

It was never about principles.

It was about you getting even with Carol Vesey just to get back at her prize

student.

Come with me, Ellis.

Where?

Come on.

Sean Ellis was the kind of player that comes along once every 25 years.

He was a poet with a basketball.

Played above the rim as a freshman.

It was wrong not to tell me about Sean Ellis before we went to trial.

Sean is not a bright boy, but he had a bright future.

Right up until Carol Vesey failed him in English.

Couldn't play basketball his senior year.

That's when the college scouts come around. So you're admitting it, then?

giving Clark Salinger a deed to get back at Carl Vesey?

Clark Salinger will have a bright future with or without his scholarship.

Sean Ellis had one chance.

Basketball.

Hey.

Hey, Coach Kerwin. How you doing? Good to see you. How you doing, Sean?

You know, pretty good.

Sean, this is Ed Stevens.

He's a friend of mine. Ed, this is Sean Ellis. Hey, Sean.

A little tour of your door? Way before your time. Class of 87.

Oh, cool.

Cool. Hey, how's the team looking for fall? Oh, they play like scared little

kitty cats.

No hard.

So, did you get a chance to look at that community college information I sent

you? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

Hey, you know who came in here last week? Who?

Wes Harper.

Wes Harper?

Wes Harper?

Mm -hmm.

Saw Sean Ellis today.

He's looking down at the convenience store on Bloomfield Avenue.

Does this make me feel guilty?

No.

Can I ask you something?

Go ahead.

Why were you so adamant about not changing Sean Ellis' grades six years

now you want Mr. Kerwin to change Clark's?

Well, that was a completely different situation. Sean Ellis could barely write

coherent sentence.

Clark Salinger can barely do a chin -up.

Yes, that's true, but Clark Salinger can live a long and happy life without ever

having to do chin -ups.

But is it not possible that Sean Ellis would have been able to live a long and

happy life in the NBA without ever being able to write a coherent sentence?

There are rules.

You know, you specifically are not allowed to pass a student just so he can

basketball.

The rules are there to protect the student.

I guess so.

You have to follow the rules.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do.

Shirley, I have to be honest with you. You're not a particularly good legal

assistant.

Right on.

But I've decided to take a chance anyway.

Congratulations, you're hired.

Is this one of those candid camera things where Alan Funt Jr. is going to

out from behind a plant like a jackass?

No. No, I just thought you deserved a chance.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Can I have May 18th off? My sister is getting a tummy tuck and she needs

to drive her to the hospital.

Okay.

Phil!

Chuck.

Phil, I thought I told you you could not hire anyone.

Bosco, I didn't hire her. She's my intern.

And that's a win -win all the way around, baby.

Good day, Dr. Jerome.

Are you drunk?

No, sir. Here you go. This is for you.

Stay right there.

Kids, kids, kids, come on in.

Enjoy the show.

My stomach hurts again.

Mine does, too.

We need a doctor.

I'm Dr.

Walter Jerome. I'll fix your stomach. First, we'll do some bloodletting. And

that doesn't work...

I called Mr. Gatehouse. He's doing great. The cream I prescribed worked

charm. Every dog has its day, Dr.

Jerome, and today is mine.

Yes, sir, today is mine.

Really? Well, Mr. Gatehouse happens to be right outside.

Mr. Gatehouse?

You want to see me?

Yeah. Come on in, please.

Have a seat.

Well, what's this about? We're doing court now.

I want you to change your grading system back to the way it was so Clark

Salinger does not get a D+. Well, why should I do that?

What happened to Sean Ellis was wrong, but you can't change that.

Taking it out on an innocent kid, that's just as wrong.

Yeah, but I can change it.

Maybe not for the last Sean Ellis, but for the next one.

How's ruining Clark Salinger's life going to help anyone?

Right now, no one thinks twice about the inflexible math or English teacher who

refuses to let a student athlete play in a big game because of a bad grade.

Now that the same thing is happening to one of their own, everyone has to focus

on it.

So this is just to prove a point?

Yep. And Clark Salinger?

Necessary casually.

Your Honor, excuse me. Before you bring in the jury, I have something I'd like

to say.

What is it?

I've informed Mr. Kerwin that I wish to withdraw as his counsel.

And why is that, Mr. Stevens?

I wish to withdraw because the rules of the court state that I have to do my

best to win. You know what?

I don't want to win. What do you mean you don't want to win?

I don't want to win because if I win...

And Clark Sounder does not get a scholarship to go to college because he

run fast enough. That's crazy.

But I don't want to lose either.

I don't want to lose this for Frank Kerwin because he's a good -hearted

who loved one of his players so much. He's still hurting over something that

happened six years ago.

What was that?

The player's name was Sean Ellis, Your Honor. He's a great basketball player.

Silky smooth.

Loads of promise. But he failed English.

And because he failed English, he could not play basketball his senior year. He

missed his one chance to impress the Scouts.

Perhaps go all the way.

Now he works at a convenience store lugging boxes for a living.

Your Honor, I believe in rules.

I'm a lawyer. We live by them.

But in cases such as Sean Ells and Clark Salinger, perhaps you should try and

make exceptions to those rules.

Perhaps Sean Ells should have been allowed to play basketball if he would

agreed to meet a tutor.

And perhaps Clark Salinger's gym grade should not count against his grade point

average if he agrees to, say, play an after -school sport. I don't know.

I don't know, Your Honor.

But isn't life hard enough without us making it harder?

I think it is.

That's what I believe.

And because of this I cannot participate in this trial.

Neither outcome is acceptable to me.

Thank you.

That was good.

Hey, Molly.

Seriously, it was like that whole you're out of order thing.

What happened after I left?

Well, I think you're going to be happy about this.

Clark's parents dropped the case.

So Clark gets a deep laugh.

Well, the principal of the school was there and he said he's going to come up

with a way for the kids to earn a B in gym regardless of their athletic ability

and... He's going to look into the athletic eligibility requirements so

whole Sean Ellis thing won't be repeated.

Wow. All right, one more thing to take care of. What's that?

Carol. You've got to talk to her. She's really upset about Sean Ellis. She's

down at Krauser's right now.

I'm on my way.

Hey, Molly.

I thought it wasn't your job to be a go -between for me and Carol.

Yeah, well, we're making exceptions to all the rules, aren't we?

I suppose we are.

Thanks, Molly.

Sean Ellis?

Hi.

I'm Carol Vessi.

Ms. Vessi.

Do you remember me?

Yeah. I remember you.

Look, I was wondering if I could buy you a cup of coffee or something. I'd

really love to talk to you.

It's late, and I've got the 5 a .m. shift tomorrow. Sean, I've been thinking

lot about what happened to you.

what I did to you by failing you in my English class.

And I wanted to tell you that I made a mistake.

I should have talked to the school.

I should have found some way for you to be able to play on the basketball team

because that was so much more important to you than English ever was. But, um,

look.

I know that this is so very little, so very late.

But we had so many rules, you know?

And it never occurred to me to make an exception for you.

Sean, I came here today to tell you that I'm human

and I make mistakes.

And I'm really sorry.

Like I said, it's late.

And I've got the 5 a .m. shift tomorrow.

You ever tried a peanut butter and bacon sandwich?