Original subtitles

Is she hot?

Mike, I'm not about to date this woman. I'm about to have a broken bottle back

alley brawl with her in a court of law. You tell the district attorney that Ed

Stevens called again and tell her I find her behavior to be totally

unacceptable. Goodbye.

She's kind of hot.

Yeah. You and I are now officially one -on -one in the courtroom.

What? You won the case. I won the appeal.

Would you like to have a drink with me Friday night?

You know about the big date. I don't know about the big date. Ed didn't tell

about the big date?

You're so presumptuous. You can't possibly tell me about a stupid date.

the one who decided we should just be friends. You violated our friendship.

violated our friendship. How?

I don't know.

Hi. I dropped off my music box yesterday to be repaired. My name's Carol Bessie.

Right. I've got it right here.

Very beautiful box.

Thank you. My grandmother gave it to me when I was little. Very rare box.

Are you aware of how valuable this is?

No. No, not really.

How valuable? Not that I would ever sell it.

Well, you see these markings here?

Uh -huh. These are royal markings dating this back to around 1608.

Wow.

So... Well, honestly, if you sold this, say you could get three million dollars.

What? Just kidding.

Never get tired of that joke.

But, really, it is worth about $1 ,800.

For $1 ,800? Wow.

Great. I've got to tell you, the $3 million figure kind of takes some of the

impact out of that.

Well.

So, Eddie, where's your little district attorney friend, Bonnie, home today?

Please, you guys, we just had the one drink together.

Yeah? She looked pretty hot.

Just the one drink.

Yeah, Ed, when are we going to get the formal introductions? I mean, we're all

adults here.

Anyone in the mood for a blinch?

Hello, lunching friends.

Mike. Hi.

Mike, what the hell are you wearing? Oh, my God, I know what this is about.

That's right, you do, honey.

What is it about?

Well, we have a little tradition in the Burton household.

If you go five years without using something, you have to throw it out.

And this Friday's a five -year checkpoint.

What's up with your pants?

Oh, Carol, these are my fat pants. See? Yeah. I used to be a 38.

Now, by wearing these today, I just bought myself another five years.

But, honey.

Why would you even want to keep those?

My metabolism changes.

Ladies and gentlemen, will the owner of a silver cougar please approach the

hostess stand? Your car alarm is on.

Also, we're out of gnocchi.

I have a silver cougar. I ordered gnocchi.

I smell a guy shut your back door and drive away. I was on a cigarette break

the time.

Crap, I'm in a patch.

Fine.

Okay, all my packages are here.

Wait a second.

My music box is gone. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. It's the only thing that's

missing. I've had that music box since I was eight years old.

Let's call the police and see what we can get about it.

Dukakis?

Yeah, he was the real deal.

Watching the.

The guy drove away in a red beetle. Did he get a license plate? No, sir. Is it

an old beetle or one of them new beetles?

Who the hell are you?

Ed Stevens, friend of the victim.

Where have I seen you before?

Are you one of the guys I arrested for running hooch up from the border?

Nope. What border?

What's hooch? No, you're the bowling lawyer.

Listen, why don't you leave the questions to me?

You got it.

But you know that old beetle, new beetle thing, you should use that. I mean,

let's not stand on ceremony, right?

It was a new beetle. Thanks.

Ma 'am, are you sure nothing else was stolen except the music box? No, we're

sure it was just the music box.

Is your name ma 'am?

Nobody's name is ma 'am.

Maybe Eisenhower? Okay, okay, sir.

Yes, I'm sure it was just the music box.

Well, let me poke around and see what I can find.

Did you get a look at the guy?

Here's a question that the chief might choose to ask you down the road in the

future.

You have very nice eyes.

I mean, after all, isn't Tom Green just Lenny Bruce with a video camera? Yeah.

I never thought of it that way. True. It's true.

Jessica! Hey.

Hey, Tim. What's up, Steve?

Hey, Warren. How you doing?

Everything's copacetic.

Just, you know, working it out with my crew.

My peeps. You know, my posse. Just keeping it real.

So, you guys shopping, or...? Yeah. Sherlock.

We were.

Just bought lovely Jessica here a new bowling ball bag.

We're all going to sign up for a bowling league.

Oh, really?

Bowling? Yeah, we're not really bowling.

We're just bowling.

Ironically.

Right. That sounds cool.

Jeswick, did you get the license plate?

Oh, you're kidding me, right? Just answer. Did you get the license plate?

You're not really going to do that joke, are you?

Of the guy that ran over your face?

That's good, man.

All right.

Hi,

Ed.

Hi, Bonnie.

I brought you a gift.

Beef jerky. That's right.

Is there an occasion?

Yeah, we got to our first date without telling each other. I thought a reward

was in order.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, listen, a friend of mine had a music box stolen from their car

and the police don't seem to be doing much about it. I wonder if you could

him a push?

Who's your friend?

My friend.

My friend's an old high school friend, Carol Bessie.

Carol Bessie? I feel like I've heard that name before.

Yeah, I may have mentioned her to you. She, you know...

Average height, good teeth.

Didn't I see her when I was coming out of your office that one day?

Short, blonde hair.

I think you did run into her, yeah. She's cute.

Yeah. So, will you see what you can do?

You seem to be taking the case of the missing music box very seriously there,

Ed. You should really think about turning into that beef jerky there,

I'm a vegetarian.

Really?

Mm -hmm.

Oh.

Okay, size 8 and size 11.

Happy game.

We want to sign up a team for league bowling.

Oh, gee, the league is actually booked solid.

In fact, it would take someone like Benjamin Franklin to find a spot in this

league right now, you know what I'm saying?

Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin? Yeah, the guy on the $100 bill.

Why would Benjamin Franklin be able to get into the league? He's not even

Okay, let me go in a different direction with this. Oh, hey, where did I put the

league sign -up sheet?

Maybe Benjamin Franklin could encourage me to remember?

Dude, why do you keep talking about Benjamin Franklin?

Why must we let Philistines rob our world of its elegance? Okay, here.

Sign up there.

Four to a team.

You guys got a name? The whatever.

Very nice. Very detached.

Whoa, what?

Well, if I didn't just buy beachfront property in Coincidence City.

I'm here to join the league, too.

What's up, Tim? Steve?

Hey, you guys need an extra? Because I'm rolling like a buck eighty.

Maybe one ninety.

Lanes are oiled, right? We already got four, Cheswick.

Well, that's cool.

Hey, Stubby, can you put me on their team?

Tell them there are no other spots.

I can't do that, Warren. That would violate my ethics.

Ethics? You were just trying to squeeze that kid for a hundred bucks.

I'll tell you what.

You can be on my team.

That way you get to be in the league and you can make your moves on little

Fraulein over there.

Hey, look, it's up to you, man, but that is the only way in, okay? There are no

other teams, there are no other vacancies.

Yeah, okay.

All right, thanks, man.

Right here? Mm -hmm.

What's the team called?

Badass Cowboys, Lane 2.

Look for the Stetsons.

Okay.

You know, Mike, I don't know what I'm doing with this girl Bonnie Hane. You

know, one minute we're arguing, the next we're kissing. You know, she's nice,

she's a hard ass. She likes me, then she insults me.

I can't figure any of that out. And to top it off, I didn't even tell Carol the

whole truth about our date. I just said we were having drinks, and now it seems

a little late to say anything else about it.

Well, Ed, I ask you only one thing.

What's that?

If and when you do engage in intimate relations with Bonnie Hane, please

remember all the details.

For my sake. Come on, Mike.

You tell me you haven't thought about having sex with Bonnie Hane.

Hey.

Carol. Hey, Carol.

Chief Spencer has called me three times today. He's suddenly being very helpful.

Yeah, it's because Ed told Bonnie Hayne to push him around.

Really?

Well, thanks. It's working.

Thank Bonnie for me.

Okay. What did Chief Spencer say?

Well, he wants me to come down to the station right now. You want to come with

me? Oh, yeah, sure. You got it. How about you, Mike? You in?

Nope. Nancy will be home any minute. I can't wait to tell her that my itty

-bitty booklet will be around for another five years.

Understood.

Hi.

I'm Warren Cheswick.

Phil said that I could bowl with you guys.

Look at this.

Phil put a Chinese kid on the team.

Oh, me? No, I'm not. Okay, Warren.

Harry Lachmather, a mechanic over at Lachmather Auto Repair. And this is

Matatopoulos. She's in textiles.

Offer to make a run to the snack bar.

Can I get you something from the snack bar?

See if they got Bundt cake.

Surprise me.

How can I? I don't... Come on, earn your bones. Earn your bones.

I take the prize.

I really don't think that's necessary. Of course it's necessary.

I mean, Bonnie went out of her way to talk to the police chief for me.

Maybe I should get her a lovely picture frame. You know, that's what I'm going

to do. Or get certificates to a local eatery. Kelly, feeling okay?

Yeah. Great.

There he is, the man with the special connections.

Pulling strings.

Making City Hall dance the Macarena.

Look, the music box just happened to be very important to my friend Carol here.

I'm very sorry if I stepped on any toes.

Oh, not at all. I love nothing more than being pushed around by a 30 -year -old

district attorney. Gets the heart pumping.

You remember your waiter?

Hey. Hey.

Have you found my music box yet? No, but what we did do was narrow down some

possible suspects.

Now, Jeff here said he saw the perpetrator drive away in a red Beetle.

were only six of those registered in Stuckyville.

We pulled the driver's licenses of the owners from the computer.

Any of these individuals look familiar to either of you? This is a guy.

That's a woman.

Really?

Oh, yeah. I know what it is. She's in my Ashtanga yoga class.

No, this guy.

This guy looks familiar to me, but I can't figure out from where.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think this might be him.

Matt Roberts.

Great. Bring him in. Not so fast.

I'll have to go talk to your girlfriend, the DA.

That's a good one to think that she...

You

know, whenever I'm cooking,

no matter how simple the meal, I always try to think like the Iron Chef. Oh, I

love that show. You know the Iron Chef lost last week? I know, I saw it. God,

the guy got a little cocky with his plan.

This Bonnie Hayne is very attractive.

Whoa, whoa, have we changed subjects here? I think you just gave me

whiplash. She's smart, too.

I am so excited.

Why? Well, because you have given me reason to say something that I have

wanted to say.

Are you ready? What?

Don't go there, girlfriend.

Thought that would have been more fun.

I'm just saying that I think Bonnie could be really good for Ed. You know,

they're both lawyers. They can get involved in some really elaborate legal

conversations. You know, like, what do you think of Milo Contendere? Really? Me

too. You know, back and forth like that.

Cut the crap, Carol.

I'm simply making the observation that... Okay, number one, I love you

sister, and I will always love you like a sister. Number two, you're being

insane. But Ed threw himself at you. You didn't want him, and now that you may

not be able to have him, now you want him.

I never said I wanted him.

Ed and I are just friends.

Number three, it is absolutely impossible for a single man and a single

be just friends. This point was made very clear to us by talented writer

-director Nora Ephron.

Hey, Bonnie.

Sorry I'm late. I had to duck behind a jackknife tractor trailer. Why is it

always a tractor trailer or a jackknife? No problem. I'm a girl who'll wait

forever when egg rolls are at stake.

Ah. So did they arrest the guy yet?

Ed, I hate to break it to you, but we don't have enough to arrest the guy.

Not enough?

Guy drives a Beetle. Waiter identified the guy.

No, no, no. The waiter kind of sort of identified him. He also identified a

woman in his yoga class.

Well, please talk to the guy.

Well, we ran a check on him.

Matt Roberts is a 52 -year -old crossing guard with absolutely no criminal

record. He hasn't even gotten a speeding ticket in the last three years.

So?

So, Chief Spencer doesn't want to go and talk to him. Between me and you, I

think he's a little peeved that I leaned on him.

Either way, I have to agree with him. We've got no case here.

When I first met you, you were prosecuting a guy for putting coins in

people's parking meters. Now you're going soft?

No, no, no, no. There's a difference. I had evidence to present against the

parking meter guy. Here we're just grasping at straws.

Maybe the difference is you just don't want to help Carol Vesey.

Oh, my God.

Don't flatter yourself.

Don't flatter yourself.

What does that mean? It means it's ridiculous that the police at least

talk to the guy.

It's ridiculous that you would think our personal relationship would in any way

influence the way I would do my job.

Okay, fine.

Don't bring the guy in.

Ed? Yeah?

Why do you care so much about this music box?

You're spending a lot of time and energy on it.

Just trying to help out a friend, that's all.

A friend whom you feel guilty about?

You're a prosecutor, all right? Not a psychiatrist.

I'm sorry. That's cheap. Look, why don't we just forget all about that and just

stuff our faces with so much MSG we start to see birds, okay?

This is not going to work. It is going to work. You just need to get a part of

the mic. Remember to zoom all the way into his face.

Hey, 10 bucks.

I'm like, there's no time. Dad, there's always time. 10 bucks. You touch that

guy's bald spot.

You didn't even get back.

Music box. Music box.

Music box.

Fancy music box. Very fancy music box.

Did you get it? Yeah, I...

Where

the hell's the fried calamari? I specifically asked for calamari. Well,

don't have any. And it's not calamari, okay? It's calamari.

Calamari. Get a load of this. The Chinese kids teach me how to speak

Yeah, that's another thing. Watch your mouth, son. You're talking to a lady.

I'm in hell.

Young Warren, may I give you a piece of advice?

What? If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's

keep. If it doesn't, it never was.

You're a damn poet.

Thank you, Harold.

Would you look at how this thing cooks a chicken? I mean, I could even think of

throwing something like this out.

What's Falcone on your shirt there?

You know, remember Falcone? It's one of the best mafia shows ever on television.

What about Sopranos?

Some people like Pepsi, some people like Coke. That's a good point. Yeah.

Hey, thank you for coming, Ms. District Attorney.

Come on in. This is Mike. Hi.

Hello. Please, have a seat. All right.

Let's see this grand piece of evidence.

Behold.

All right, there's your precious Matt Roberts. Now, here I come.

We turn back around.

I say, music box. Watch what happens.

Music box. Enter music box.

There! Right there, he flinched. See that? Right there. Flinched. Tell her,

Mike. Yeah, yeah, flinched. Flinched. That's a flinch of a guilty man.

Oh, my God.

What? You're nuts.

Even if he did flinch, you don't have a case.

Come on, Bonnie. At least have the police talk to the guy.

Please.

All right, you win. I'll have the police question Matt Roberts.

See that, Mike? District attorney's on our side.

And I'll question Carol.

What?

Carol Vesey. I'll have to talk to her, of course.

What about?

About the case.

No, you can just talk to me. I know everything.

No, I have a lot of questions for Carol Vesey.

Bye, Ed.

Bye, Bonnie.

Bye. Bye.

I'm a happily married man.

I know, Mike.

I'm not talking to you, Ed.

You're talking to me.

Mr. Stephens and Miss Bentley are here to see you.

Send them in, please.

Good morning.

Bonnie, um, this is... Carol Vesey. Yes, of course. It's good to see you again.

Likewise. Likewise. Thank you so much for helping me out. No, no, it's my

pleasure. It's no trouble at all. Please, sit.

Right.

Thanks. Oh, Bonnie, so we have good news.

What's that?

Oh, I realized why Matt Roberts looks so familiar.

I saw him in the store the day I went to pick up the music box.

Are you sure?

Positive. He must have overheard the clerk telling me how valuable the box

Hmm. That doesn't prove anything, of course, but it might give us enough to

bring him in.

That's great.

The only problem is the judge might think it sounds just a little bit too

convenient that you remembered all of a sudden.

How are you going to explain that?

Well, I'll just tell him the truth, that I see a lot of people in life, you

know, sometimes dozens a day, and it can be hard to keep track of who's who, you

know, because people, they're everywhere.

Maybe you guys can work on that. Absolutely.

Right. So you'll push for an arrest?

Yes, I will.

Thanks, Bonnie.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Mr. Roberts, would you please tell the court where you were at 5 .30 p .m. on

February 3rd?

I was at Hurley's.

Sipping Rob Roy's, watching an old Dennis the Menace rerun. Do you recall

plot of the episode?

I sure do.

Dennis the Menace had spilled something on Mr. Wilson's couch.

Root beer, my memory serves.

That's just what you told the police.

And a phone call to the local TV station confirmed that.

And finally, can anyone vouch for your presence at Hurley's that evening?

The bartender, Jim Russell, he'll back me up. Well, according to the police

report, he already has.

Thank you, Mr. Roberts.

Mr. Roberts, how often do you visit Hurley's?

I've been there a couple times.

But you do know the bartender, Jim Russell, on a personal basis, don't you?

We're acquainted.

I have here a membership roster of the Stuckyville Goose Hunting Club. It

here that both you and Mr. Russell are members.

So what? There's got to be a hundred guys in the club.

Do you consider Mr. Russell a friend?

Yeah, I guess.

Look, this is a small town.

The fact that I bump into the guy here and there doesn't mean a damn thing.

If you're going to call me a liar, you better have some proof.

Nothing further at this time.

I guess there's not too much Bonnie could do about it. The guy's alibi is

solid. Ed, please don't feel like you have to defend her.

Bonnie is bright, well -groomed, a credit to the legal profession.

Molly, you should see this woman at work. It's dumber and inspiring is what

is. You know, I think I'm going to remain a disinterested third party.

You guys, we went on one date, okay? One date.

Evening, ladies.

Come on.

Eric. Ed.

Oh, right, sorry.

Hey, I need three kielbasa platters, too.

Sweet.

You got it.

Hey, Warren.

You want to take our order?

Oh, really?

What would you like this evening, madame?

Hey, Warren.

I'll have two hot dogs with mustard and relish.

Yo, girl boy, need a double dachshund with yellow neckties and green

Diner slang.

Oh, cool.

Hey, Lucky Charm, where's my kielbasa? It's coming.

And this time, don't forget the damn Funyuns. Okay, okay.

Why'd she call you, Lucky Charm? She didn't.

She was just ordering cereal.

Poor thing.

Seriously, Ed, do you think I'm ever going to get my music box back?

I don't know. It doesn't look likely right now.

Look, I don't care who took it or what happens to the guy. I just want it back.

I know. You know, I just have a gut feeling this Matt Robertson's lying.

Well, how far do gut feelings go in court these days?

You know, I might just have to pay a little visit to Hurley's.

Excuse me, Barkeep?

I'm sorry, do you mind being called that?

Barkeep? People still say that, right?

You want a drink?

Yeah, yes, please.

What do you want?

Ah, martini.

A martini, please.

There you go.

Feel free to hold the vermouth.

Look, buddy.

We don't got no vermouth.

We don't got no peppermint schnapps, and we don't got no green melon -flavored

crap. What we got is whiskey, tequila, and gin.

So drink up, or get lost.

Fair enough?

Okay.

You see what I did? Instead of using an extra strike, I chose a smiley face.

Listen, you guys, would you mind, like, not calling me Lucky Charm in front of

that girl over there?

Which girl? My contacts are all dried up.

I'll see you.

Damn, she's found in Cheryl Tiggs.

Oh, now, Harry, darling, let's not get crazy.

Looks like Lucky's got himself a little girlfriend.

And all the time I thought she was gay.

Why?

I just assumed.

Says hi.

Who? Matt Roberts.

He's a good buddy of mine.

We used to hunt moose together.

Matt don't hunt moose.

He hunts goose.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant when I said moose. What I meant was just a big

goose. You know how some big men have the nickname moose?

It works just the same way for a really large goose.

anyway matt says to say hi and uh thanks for what you did i

don't know what the hell you're talking about that's good yeah that's good keep

it on the qt and hush hush on the down low but listen anyway matt says he knows

what you did and that uh one one good turn deserves another one hand washes

other one you know what i'm saying stitch in time save nine my friend get

here okay

Now, Mr.

Gutman, is it?

Guzman. I'm half Mexican. Mr. Guzman, you claim to have seen my client fleeing

Miss Vesey's car. That's right.

From 150 feet away.

I see what you're doing here. This is just like that scene in My Cousin Vinny.

Mr. Guzman, are you 100 % sure of what you saw?

I'm pretty sure.

Pretty sure.

Well, now you see, the bartender at Hurley's was very sure that Matt Roberts

sitting there having a drink.

Nothing further.

We're gonna lose.

I don't like to lose.

I gotta go check something out.

I'll see you guys later.

You like him, don't you?

Oh, no, actually, we're just friends.

Really? Yeah.

Buddies.

Congratulations, Ed. You just inherited my world -famous collection of hilarious

drinking birds.

I don't think I want your world -famous collection of hilarious drinking birds.

Really? You sure about that? Maybe you ought to sit back, watch him drink a

little bit, and then make up your mind. Right. Mike, just give me a second.

Ha!

I knew it.

So take the birds?

You just use the birds. You get to keep the birds.

I care for the birds.

Mr. Roberts, can I speak to you?

I'm busy.

Your rush hour, huh?

You please leave me alone. Look, I know your alibi is no good.

You're on record as saying you were drinking Rob Roy's at Hurley's? That's

right. Rob Roy contains scotch and vermouth.

Hurley's doesn't have any vermouth.

That's funny, huh?

I go to Hurley's, order a martini, but Hurley's doesn't make martinis because

Hurley's doesn't have any vermouth. And a Rob Roy contains scotch and vermouth.

So, my friend, I don't think you were at Hurley's sipping Rob Roy's.

Matlock would be proud, don't you think?

I must have misremembered. Right. Look, Mr. Roberts, I don't really care whether

you're found guilty or not. I really don't. What I care about is recovering

friend's music box. So I give you my word that if that music box were to

end up on my desk at Stucky Bowl, I'd talk to the DA into taking it easy on

I didn't steal no music box.

Fine, if that's the way you want to do this. But this DA, he's a real killer.

Ah, bowling.

Bowling, bowling, bowling.

How few appreciated sensual qualities.

The whisper of the leather soles against the freshly polished wood.

Explosive clatter of the pins. The gleaming luster of the balls.

Cheswick, shut up.

And that would be touche.

Hey, kid.

Yeah? That's your Lexus Park, that's it?

Uh -huh.

That's a happening ride, son.

Thanks. You got heated seats in that bitch? Sure do.

Mr.

Roberts, what brings you here?

Mr. Stevens, I'm not a thief.

I've never done this before.

You've got to understand, things have been rough for me lately.

My mother busted her hip.

I got $10 ,000 in credit card debt.

They just repoed my minivan.

I ain't trying to make excuses.

I just... I don't know what got into me.

I heard how valuable the thing was, and then I... I know I can't even sleep at

night.

Will you please help me?

I told you I'd talk to the DA, and I will.

Thank you.

You did the right thing here today.

Why don't you go first, Lucky Charm?

Let's see what you got.

Lucky charm.

Lucky. Lucky!

Let's go, Lucky!

Lucky!

What? I meant that sincerely.

Hey, come on, Lucky charm. Let's see what you got, huh?

Come on, throw it down the lane.

Come on, you badass cowboy.

Come on, get up on that horse.

Throw it! Come on, Jeswick!

Come on, you got it. You got it. Straight down and... Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Unlucky. A one.

Now, that's cute.

It's just cute, isn't it?

I think I'm going to

step outside for a

smoke. You can smoke right here, stupid.

Yes, I can.

But for this particular smoke, I choose to step outside.

Is that, that's my, that's my music box. Oh, my music box.

It's amazing. How did you get it?

Let's just say it's kind of a long story.

Well, come in and warm up and tell it. I'll make some coffee.

Um, I'd love to. I, uh, I gotta, I have a thing.

Okay.

Okay. Well, we'll talk later then.

Definitely, yes.

Thank you for this.

Thanks a lot.

Night.

Well, kids, how do you feel that the badass cowboys put the hurt on you?

Lady, you really think we care?

You know, something you and I have a lot in common. What?

I used to be just like you. Didn't give a damn about nothing.

Spent my days at the dog track eating fried chicken straight out the bucket. I

weighed 328 pounds.

And then Phil took me under his wing.

Helped me get my self -esteem back.

I could do the same thing for you, Stephen, if you'd just give me half a

You people are creeping me out.

Bye, guys.

Night, Warren.

Yeah, night, Joseph.

Lucky? I got something for you.

Anaka.

Thanks, Harry.

You may need that when you drive the lady home tonight.

What the

hell is this?

Great, great. This is just what I needed.

Hey, Jess, can I give you a lift or whatever?

Am I going to be okay?

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Nicely done, Harold.

Get your hands up.

So, you see, Miss Hayne, Dating a fella who owns a bowling alley has its

advantages.

I bet you let all the girls put their head underneath the nacho cheese

dispenser. You enjoyed that, huh?

How could you not?

I've got another big surprise for you.

What's that?

I got Matt Roberts to confess.

You did? How?

I figured out he couldn't be drinking raw boys at Hurley's because Hurley's

doesn't serve them.

I told him he broke down.

Wow. How are George full of you?

Thank you, thank you. You know, the thing is, Juan, he's kind of torn up

this. He did give me the music box back and gave me a very sincere apology. I

could tell he was really sorry.

As he should be.

Yeah, definitely as he should, definitely. But I do feel bad for the

I don't think he'll ever do anything like this again, so... Nice.

If you can, try and take it easy on him.

Take it easy on him?

Yeah.

Can't let a guy like that play on your sympathies. He belongs in jail.

Well, that's debatable, but see, the thing is, I...

I sort of told him I'd help him out, you know, in exchange for the music box.

Help him out how?

Talking to you.

What, are you delirious?

You thought you could leverage our personal relationship? I mean, what were

thinking? Bonnie, I just think the guy deserves a second chance. Can't you just

give him probation? No. Just give him a little... No, Ed, forget it. The guy

needs to learn a lesson. He belongs in jail. And what you did here tonight is

the textbook definition of writing a check that your ass can't cash.

Come on, Bonnie. Good night, Ed.

Thanks for the ride, Warren.

Can I ask you a question before you go?

Sure.

There's a chance that one of these days you get tired of guys like Tim Cooper

and maybe consider, you know, like, dating a loser.

Warren, you're not a loser. Thanks, but I've decided to stop fighting it and

just, like, go with it.

You know, ride the wave.

It's like a new strategy.

It's its own strategy.

goodnight

Mr. Roberts, I hereby find you guilty of theft.

Your Honor.

Yes, Miss Hay?

In light of the fact that Mr. Roberts showed contrition by confessing his

and returning the music box, I'd like to request that you be lenient with your

sentence. The people would be more than satisfied with six months probation.

Very well, then.

Six months probation it is.

Mr. Roberts, keep your paws off other people's knickknacks.

I will.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Court adjourned.

Well, that's that.

I'm confused.

Ed told me that you would be going for the maximum penalty.

I changed my mind.

That's what we women do, right?

Hi. Hi.

I just thought you should know that I asked the judge for probation.

Really?

It's a miracle. I finally talked you into something. What are you talking

I was planning on asking for probation from the very beginning.

Then why didn't you just say so?

Because I didn't appreciate you thinking you can wield influence over my

decision. What?

That's insane.

We're fighting for no reason?

My professional integrity is reason enough. Your professional integrity's

nothing to do with it. Hey, the hell it doesn't. You had no right to tell that

guy that I was... Bonnie, just stop. Just stop. Please, you know, I've given

lot of thought to this. This... Whatever it is that's going on between us the

last couple of days, and you know what? If you help me come to a decision, then

I'm tired, okay? I'm tired of your little games. I'm tired of you saying

thing and then turning around and doing that. What are you doing? What are

you... No, no.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Okay, this is not normal human behavior.

Bonnie, I think you and I would both be better served...

We should limit our relationship to... We

should go inside.

Yeah, yeah, inside's good.

Now I'm locking my keys in the house.

Uh -oh. But you know what? It's fine.

Because Mike has a spare set of keys. I'm just going to run over there and get

them, okay? So wait here.

Maybe I should go.

It's getting late.

You know what? I could just use my secret method for getting into the

What am I thinking? I'll just use the secret method, which happens all the

I lock my keys in the house, and I use this method. You have the key hidden?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Don't move. I'll be right back.

Ed, it's 11 .40. We got 20 minutes to save Bobby Hall hockey from the

Mike, now's not a good time.

Ed, you're not thinking clearly. Bobby Hall hockey, man. Don't you want...

Wait a second.

Is your hair messed up?

Goodbye, Mike.

Tonight, young Ed Stevens becomes a man.

Yeah!