Original subtitles

Right. Now, come on, Victoria.

What's that?

Let's go and find some thermals.

Thermals? What are thermals?

Well, thermals, they're, um, they're like pockets of air.

They're kind of pockets.

Trousers of pocket.

Ah! They're there.

Private? It never used to be.

Come on!

Into the sky!

Here we go, go on then.

Let out more string, quick. Go on, Victoria, quick. Run, run.

Go on then, Captain. The winds are nor, nor easterly.

Nor, baby, they're star, star, western.

Richard Montgomery was there, he could tell us.

Hey, Tim Beard, a sailor dog.

All right, all right.

Go on then, let out more string. Come on, Victoria, let it go, let it go.

Go on.

No, higher.

Hold on, sir. Hold on.

Kids have always flown their kites in this field since I can't remember when.

Can't you read?

This is private land.

Mr.

Whitworth ever used to mine, sir? Mr. Whitworth is dead. I own this land now.

You are trespassing.

We've always played here.

How nice we are.

Come on, we'll find another field.

Good day, dear lady.

Afternoon, Mrs Dawes. Hello, Brigadier.

Postal order, please.

Telephone account.

Three pounds, two and six, I believe.

I'm awfully sorry, Brigadier.

There isn't enough in your post office account.

Oh, really?

Oh, dear.

Well, I didn't look too closely.

Still, the army pension's due next week.

That should fill the coffers up.

Ah, Miss Pilchester.

You do look well.

Good afternoon, Brigadier. Good day, Mrs Dawes.

Oh, I'm so sorry for him. He only just managed to pay his electric last month.

Oh, dear.

I'll put it down then, Mrs Battersea. Thank you, Mrs Dawes.

Thumbs. Straight left arm.

Robert!

Hello?

We think there is about to be a vacancy on the rural district council.

Ah, splendid.

And you are going to fill it.

Me? You.

But what do I know about councils?

You only need to know that counsellors can make things happen.

Right.

What sort of things, Freda? What have we been talking about for the last six

months, Robert?

Goodwood. Now, this chap, Popham, has had to resign because he had a heart

attack. Serve him right.

Ah, yes.

Now, Popham.

Now, the name's familiar.

Isn't he the chap who's... Against our plans for South Hill.

Yes, that's it.

Spoiling the natural beauty, et cetera.

Well done.

Now, you are going to take his place and push it through.

Ah.

How do I do that, Freda? You put your name down as a candidate and you get

yourself elected.

Don't worry, it'll be a walkover. No -one else will bother to stand.

But what about my golf?

There'll be plenty of time for that when you're on the council.

Now, we must start cultivating local influence.

I found out something very useful.

That boring old brigadier whose chairman of the parish council is on his uppers.

Shouldn't be hard to get him on our side.

Robert, ask him round for drinks.

The brigadier?

But wasn't he Indian Army, though?

Lady Tot.

Recently elevated to the beer ridge.

Pop, don't. We're no way off yet.

Oh, all right. Sorry, sweetheart.

Well, how's this lot going?

Selling plenty of pheasant chicks, are you? Not nearly enough.

I must have driven a hundred miles today.

Hardly enough to cover the cost of petrol.

Look as though you could do with a good night's kit.

Hello, Ma.

Oh, of course.

Sweetheart, isn't he, Oscar?

Oh, no.

Oh, Sam Popham's in hospital.

Yeah, shame. Heart attack, it says.

I reckon his condition is satisfactory, so that's all right, then.

We should take him a nice big steak and kidney pudding and a big bottle of

stout. That'll cheer him up.

Yeah, that's a good idea, Ma.

You know, he's been like a dose of sorts he has on that council.

Couldn't do the same tomorrow, could you, Ma? Just the morning. Of course.

It's good as gold, ain't you?

Now, listen.

I've got an extra chicken and ham pie here for your tea. All you've got to do

pop it in the oven. Ma.

And what I'd do without you.

Both of you.

Say bye -bye.

Bye. Come on.

Thanks, Ma.

Bye, Pop.

Bye, love.

There. Not much point then buying a brewery if you're not going to live to

the beer.

Oh, hello.

Tom Sargent here, Bristow's. I just need to order...

Yes, but I know it was all taken care of. Before

you went abroad, Mr Bristow made a particular point of settling...

Oh, Charlie.

The drop door.

What does it?

More homework, I'm afraid.

Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie. There's a pile in the oven.

Never mind.

Mariette. Hmm?

You don't think we've bitten off more than we can chew, do you?

I mean, look at us. We scarcely see John Blenheim.

I wonder whether we should just cut our losses, tell Bristow to forget about the

whole thing.

After all we've gone through?

I've given up now, Charlie.

The solicitor's been on to me again.

Will we be able to find lives in time?

20 days.

Did you ask about the money for a hop?

Yes, of course I did.

For about the 50th time.

Same old story.

The man's nerve I can't get over.

Nagging us when he hasn't even paid.

Mr. Bricklow's still in Monte Carlo.

Nobody else is authorized to sign the check.

Told you we should never have taken that holiday.

And I told you we needed the break.

I'm going to get this brewery, Charlie.

No matter what it takes.

Morning.

Morning, General.

Is your husband back?

We could try the cow shed.

How are you today?

I must complain.

You take each day as it comes when you get to my age.

Oh!

Yeah?

General's here to see you.

Oh! Do ask him to come in. Make sure he wipes his shoes first, though, won't

you?

Hello,

General. What can I do for you today?

Well, I wonder if I might have a word.

Yes, have as many words as you like. This is not exactly a job that fills me

with... Bonhomie, as the French would say.

Still, it's got to be done. Charlie wants it for his hot gun.

I thought you heard about Sam Popham.

Yes, I have, poor old chap.

Mara and I were thinking of popping over there to see him in hospital.

Thankfully, he's on the mend, so I hear.

Nevertheless, Larkin, the fact is he's left a gap on our rural district

Yes, shame. He was good at it.

And as chairman of the parish council, I've been mulling over a few names as

possible replacements.

Oh, well, well, who's he come up with?

Oh, I always thought that Mr George and the post office would be good at

something like that.

No, not him. He's far too dithery by heart.

What about Edith? Edith Pilchester.

She'd be good. She needs a job with a bit of dignity.

Yeah, yeah, take her mind off that George business as well. Yeah, or you

that, General. You, I mean, you'd be... Oh,

now, come on, General, you don't think... Oh, that's a good one.

Well, that's real fruity, that, General.

I'm absolutely serious, Larkin.

Can you see that? Councillor Larkin, OBE. Mr Sidney Larkin, MP.

No, no, no.

Sir Sidney Larkin, Prime Minister. Oh, yeah, I can just remove his number 10.

Oh, yeah, that'd be good. Nice little drum, that. Easy access to the West End.

This is no joke, Larkin.

I've talked it over with a few people locally, and we all believe that you're

the best man for the job.

Well...

Thank you very much for the thought, General. I appreciate the offer, but no,

thank you. I don't want anything to do with this council business.

You can't stand anything official, you see, General.

But you're ideal, Larkin.

You're shrewd, you've got all that energy, and you care about the area.

Thank you. As I said, I appreciate the thought, but N .O. spells no.

If you'll excuse me, the manure is calling.

General.

No hard feelings, are you, General?

Of course not, dear lady.

Tell you what, I've got to drop a home -made siren into testing. Do you fancy a

tipple? I don't mind if I do.

Primrose, come to give me a hand?

I wish I could. I've got to go to boring old school.

Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I envy you. This is a miserable job.

Are you still looking for more accountancy work?

Yes, I certainly am.

I told one of my teachers, Miss Winters, about you. I said you were fantastic.

Oh, did you?

I'm very flattered.

Well, she's in a bit of a bind with her income tax.

And when I told her you used to be with the Inland Revenue, she was very keen to

meet you.

Thanks, Primrose.

Remember to pay you a commission. I'll hold you to that. Bye.

Bye. Oh, Charlie, I think I should warn you about something.

What?

She's not married.

Bye.

All these?

Well, after I got this flea mire from Jackson, I rang round every one of our

suppliers.

They all had the same story.

So it's not just our hospital.

Brickley's a bare -faced liar.

But when you did his book... Yes, all these were outstanding then.

But he swore he'd peddle them before he went abroad.

Well, I got in touch as soon as I found out.

I thought it might help.

It might well.

How?

Well, you remember Bristow said his price included buying us heaps of

Yes.

I don't see much goodwill here.

What a piano, Sid.

What do you want to go and buy another one for?

Well, I didn't.

You stole it. No.

What, you found it?

No.

What's for tea?

Can I help you sort it out?

Lovely boy.

Good boy. Everybody got everything?

Lovely mum.

Have a try of this.

Call me dense if you like, but how did you get that piano, then?

Well, that's very simple, Charlie boy.

Pass me this horse, will you?

Victoria, that's it.

Here, Mark.

I think I'm back on this tomato ketchup, you know.

Lovely, yeah.

Well, you know that Fred up at Oakley Farm?

Well, he's got a piano that he wanted to get rid of, so he said to me, he says,

like, you want to buy a piano for 15 quid? So I said, yeah, all right, I'll

it. On one condition, he said, what's that? I said, you deliver it.

Toby says, all right, well, we all know how heavy a piano is, don't we?

OK.

When he finds out how much it's going to cost him, you know, to have a couple of

lads and a van to deliver it, well, he's not very happy, is he? So I says to

him, I said, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take it off your hands, providing

you give it to me for nothing.

Toby says, all right.

And then what I do, I get him, his wife and his two sons to help me load it on

the back of the truck.

Didn't. And now he's got extra space.

And you get a free piano.

No, I've got more than that, because I've got a bloke who wants to buy one

30 quid.

Good old Bob.

Well, like I say, make a marvellous counsellor, your father, with a brain

that. Rubbish.

It's lovely, this mark.

Absolutely. Beautiful, as usual.

Oh, Charlie boy.

What's up with you?

Looks like you've got the thinking cap on.

Want to buy a piano?

No.

But it might be the way to buy a brewery.

I couldn't take more than a couple of blokes in advantage of Bristow's.

What do you mean?

Pop, Bristow says the goodwill of his company is worth about £3 ,000.

Now, I know that he happens to owe more than that in unpaid debt.

The rest of his company is mortgaged to the bank.

So what I'm thinking is this.

Suppose we forget about the non -existent goodwill and ask the bank to

us... The same mortgage that they've given to him all these years.

No, don't fool you, Charlie.

What it amounts to is this.

That we could buy the whole kit and caboodle without laying out any money at

all. The brewery would be just like your piano pop. After all, all Bristow wants

is to get shot of it.

That's brilliant, Charlie. That's brilliant.

Well done.

Thank you.

You're too clever for words.

I told Mr. Winters you were a fantastic accountant.

Now, see what you mean, Charlie?

Well, it's worth having a go.

It's one thing, though.

What's that?

Are you going to see the bank manager yourself?

No, no, I shan't go.

Mariette and I have an arrangement. She's much better at that kind of thing.

Oh, good. That was just what I was going to suggest.

Mariette, I think an extra dab of perfume beyond the ears might be

Next on the agenda is Grass Virgin.

Mr Bacon -Mower has broken, so we do need a volunteer for a week or two.

Come on, Robert. Here we are.

Excuse me. We are holding a parish council meeting.

Are you people handling the vacancy on the RDC?

Yes, we are.

Good. Tell them, Robert.

Yes.

My name is Captain Robert Battersby, Her Majesty's Coldstream Guards. We know

who you are, sir.

I am formally giving notice.

No, sir, you are not.

You will do it at the appropriate time.

Now you will kindly leave us and let us get on with our business.

Where were we?

Good grief, that ghastly man becomes our counselor.

Do you know that he and his wife want to turn South Hills into a sand quarry?

Mrs. Dawes, when a man leaves the army and hangs on to the rank of a mere

captain, we're dealing with a particularly nasty piece of work.

The whole thing is unthinkable.

Quite unthinkable.

Oh, I'm proud of you sometimes.

I could be inspired by a piano.

I'd better go.

You can send them away, wherever it is.

Come

in.

Come in, Miss... Winter.

Marion Winter.

Mariette, this is Miss Winter. She's one of Primrose's teachers.

He tells me you're absolutely amazing with figures.

I'm Mrs Charlton.

How do you do? Good to meet you.

The thing is, I run a travel business part -time.

Coach trips up and down the country, sightseeing, that sort of thing. And I'm

desperately looking for someone to sort out my affairs.

So to speak.

Primrose said you might be able to cast an eye over my assets.

His first bike.

I wonder how he is now in the back of beyond.

I hope he's all right.

Yeah, of course he's all right.

Bad news travels like an express train.

You'd have heard by now.

The old homestead does seem a little quiet without the thunder of tiny feet.

Oh, I think it.

She reminds me of that time Charlie and Marriott gave us another grandchild.

I was so busy with this brewery thing. I'm sure they'll get down to it.

I'm so tired, bless them.

Oh, are they?

I'm not.

In fact, I'm rather frisky.

Easy away.

What's the matter?

It's enough of that, Sidney Larkin.

Keep your hands to yourself. I'm not in the mood.

You're what?

You're what? You're not in the mood?

Don't want none of your hanky -panky here.

Good night.

This was a revelation to me.

Of course.

It would be a different matter if you were rural district councillor. Suddenly

realised that nothing worthwhile can ever be achieved without struggle,

physical hardship.

Jezebel. Everything you must be trained, must strive with a very long stick to

achieve the magnificent climax.

Victory in life's race.

Come here. I want all this happening to me.

Captain Battersby wants to turn it into a sand quarry, I heard.

Sand quarry? Who told you that? Edith.

No, he'd never get permission from the council.

Don't know, he's put himself up to be on the council. Who said that? Edith.

Blimey, strike a lot. Who'd vote for him? Well, sand quarry means job.

Jobs means vote.

Who told you that?

Edith.

Also made the end of a beautiful piece of countryside.

Well... you could do about it if you wanted to.

I know.

Oh, I'm far too early.

Fancy a cup of coffee, General?

Oh, alas, no, no. I think, Mariette, I have to visit this sick friend, you

No time.

All right.

I'll just have to wait in there and hope I don't lose my nerve.

The very best of British luck, Mariette. I'm sure you'll charm the hardiest

-hearted slave of Mammon into submission.

See you, General. Thanks for the company.

No, no, no, no, no.

Mrs Charlton?

I'm Diana Parker.

Banks do occasionally appoint women managers nowadays.

Excuse me, dear lady. I wonder if you could direct me to Farnsworth's.

It's an auctioneer's. Oh, yes.

Bridge Street, I believe.

Bridge Street, Bridge Street, yes.

Now then.

Bristow's Brewery.

I understand you and your husband wish to purchase it.

How much did you know already?

Only that the present owner is a customer of ours and you and he have

agreed a price.

That was before we found out that Mr Bristow has more than £3 ,000 in unpaid

debt.

I see.

I haven't actually had a chance to meet Mr Bristow yet. I only took over the

branch a couple of months ago and he always seems to be abroad.

Presumably you'll want to renegotiate.

Oh, yes.

Your new offer being?

Mr. Bristow, nothing.

Perhaps you'd care to elaborate on that.

Well, the offer we propose is directed at you, Miss Parker.

We're willing to take on the mortgage, but we certainly don't intend to pay

anything for goodwill that isn't there.

In fact, as Mr. Bristow owes money to practically every tradesman in the area,

including us, by the way, all he's handing on is a large amount of ill

It's on the verge of bankruptcy, Miss Parker.

I'm well aware of that.

What makes you think you could save it?

You've got to do it, Pop.

If nobody stands against Captain Battersby, we'll have a sand quarry in

garden.

Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you. Thank you. Would you all be seated? Thank you.

I now call upon the candidates wishing to put their names forward for

election for the Rural District Council.

I propose Captain Robert Battersby.

Is the person nominated prepared to stand?

Yes, I am.

Seconds?

Mrs. Battersdale.

So noted.

Anyone else?

Are there any other candidates?

Is there anyone else?

First nominated.

Prepared to stand.

Yes,

yes, I am, General. Robert!

Mr. Chairman.

Second!

You

said

it would be a walkover. You said there wouldn't be anyone else. Well, I was

wrong, Robert, for once.

Now, listen.

This larking chat is obviously popular.

Now, Ambrose, see what you can find out about him. Try and dig up some dirt.

Have you spoken to the brigadier yet, Robert? Not as yet, no.

Well, I think it's time we put some pressure on there.

What are you doing?

We like horses, Ben.

Love them.

They ride all the time.

Some carnage, point to point.

It's impossible now.

Hey, I've got some news for you. What?

Bristow's on his way back.

No. Shh, I'm not supposed to tell anyone.

Creditors in land revenue would be far too interested.

So I'm just letting you know unofficially.

Even this horse isn't supposed to know.

Why is he arresting it, Ben? Well, there's an annual open day for the trade

week in October.

Publicans and people.

Well, it's more goodwill.

He's looking for another buyer. Not necessarily.

Well, our agreement's up on the 30th.

No news from the bank yet?

No. Still waiting to hear.

Oh, Tom.

I can't help feeling that even if the bank says yes, we're making a terrible

mistake.

And all that debt we've been letting ourselves in for.

What you need is a spot of lunch.

Come and share my sandwiches. I know a great place for a picnic.

Picnic? This weather? Yes.

You only get one turn in this life, Mariette.

One chance to make things different.

Look at me.

Do you know, a couple of years back, I tried to find a way of buying bristles.

I dreamed of being something big, something successful.

But that's all I did.

Just dreamed about it.

But you and Charlie, you've got the nerve, the spark.

I mean, this latest idea of his is brilliant.

It works.

It took brains.

I could never have done it without your help, Tom.

No.

It's not for me to try and get you into deep water.

I want things, Tom.

I want to run a business.

I want to be independent.

But I also want to have time to spend on a family.

It just seems hard to have both.

If anyone can marry it, it's you.

I think we should be getting back now, eh?

How long did you think you'd had this travel business?

Must be five years now.

And you've never received any income tax returns?

I may have. I tend to throw away anything I don't like the look of.

Milk? Please.

Now, let me get this break.

Finger cream?

Thank you.

You organise the trip. You arrange the travel, the accommodation, the food and

so on. Look...

hiking trip to Scotland coming up at half term, and I'm going on it.

Why don't you join me?

That way you'll be able to see how the business works.

Well, I... No, I don't think that'd be possible.

Oh.

Oh.

Maybe you don't care for hiking.

Um... Well, I've never really tried it.

Well, how do you know you like anything until you try it?

Who's that?

Looks like the press. I can't imagine why the press would be interested in us.

Doctor, Mr. Doctor, will you join us on the platform?

Captain, Captain.

Ladies and gentlemen, the purpose of

this meeting is to hear from the candidates nominated for election for

vacant post on the Rural District Council.

Each of the nominees will have five minutes for their election address.

But first of all, are there any questions about the procedure?

Mr Larkin, can you tell us if it's true that you're not married to the woman

with whom you've had seven children?

Oh, please, sir, when I invited questions, I didn't anticipate anything.

Yes, yes, that's true.

And is it true?

that you were once accused of committing an indecent assault upon a Mrs.

Jeroboam. That was a frame! A judge threw me out of court! It was a frame!

was a frame! It was a frame!

It was a frame!

It was a frame!

It was a frame!

Wasn't there some scandal about some stolen money that was found at Harlem

Aren't you going to read it out?

No, I don't need to. Can I see? No.

Hey, give me.

Violence broke out last night when candidate Sidney Larkin tried to dress

election meeting.

Don't stand much of a chance, do I, after that little lot?

Sidney Larkin, are you ashamed of the way we brought these kids up?

No, of course I'm not.

Have you got guilty secrets you don't want people to know about?

No, of course I haven't, but I thought... Well, you know what thought

Followed the dust cart and thought was the wedding.

Ladies, gentlemen,

my name is Sidney Locke, and I'm standing for councillor on

the local rural district... Don't want anyone preaching free love, not in front

of the children.

No, no, no one's going to be preaching free love.

A woman won't be safe walking the streets.

Look, I mean, don't you want to talk about important things? I mean, things

need to be done.

But there are plans to make a sand quarry... If you're not married, that

your children illegal.

Look, just mind what you're saying, will you, madam? Oh, I don't think a

prospective counsellor will lose his temper, do you? I'm not losing my

just said that's got nothing to do with it.

I'm not losing... You ought to give me some real work, eh?

Hard at work, I think.

Mr Bristol.

Well, hello, you two.

Please sit down.

I expect you've come to talk about finalising the deal. Not quite yet, Mr

Bristol.

Just have a glance at this, would you?

Welcome back, by the way.

What is it?

It's a list of the brewery's larger outstanding debts.

By the way, it includes our account for hops.

Ah.

There's over 3 ,000 pounds worth there, Mr. Bristow, which is a little more than

the amount of goodwill you said we'd be buying.

I'll have the bank settle them in seven days.

I have the most extraordinary sensation of déjà vu, Mr. Bristow. Do you know,

you used almost exactly the same words two months ago. Well, I hope they are

settled within seven days, because if they're not, I'm afraid our deal will be

off.

Good night.

That's right, yeah.

Well, I've never smiled so much in one afternoon in my entire lifetime.

Oh, my feet hurt. No, your feet. My face hurts.

Why's that, then, Sid? We've been out canvassing.

Oh, right.

Usuals? Yes, please.

Nice to see your company's happy.

Yeah.

There you are.

All right, thanks.

There you go.

Thank you.

Here you go, Monk.

You know, have I got to kick me written on my back or something like that? No.

Have you all got a...

Swallow nesting in me hat, then, have I?

Why are you tickling everybody's funny bone?

Why is he?

That'll be fine, though.

All right.

What's the joke, Fred? Enough's enough. Come on.

What's the joke? Let us in on it. Come on. All right, well, here we are.

How's that?

Have you seen that, Mark?

Where did you get this?

Someone left a part of them here this morning.

Who?

You should never have done that, Fred.

You should never have upset Ma.

If I were you, I'd put away all your breakables.

This is where you hide yourself.

Hello.

You wanted to see my expenses.

Oh.

Mr. Charlton.

Cedric.

Have you given any more thought to my suggestions?

Oh, the hiking trip?

Yes. Well, it would be a good way to see how the business works.

Good. Then you'll come.

Ah, well, no, that might be a bit... Frederick, I've always found you a very

attractive man. Miss Winters. Oh, Marion, please call me Marion. Marion!

Marion! Oh, maybe that makes you even more irresistible. Charlie!

We're still soliciting his telephone.

Can you call them back?

What's going on?

Um, your husband was helping me with my tax problems and... More like your sex

problems.

Wait!

Hi,

everyone.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome.

Tonight, I am reconvening the meeting.

It ended such a shambles last Thursday night.

Next week, you'll have an opportunity to hear Mr. Sidney Larkin speak.

But tonight, it is the turn of Captain Robert Battersby to make his election

address.

I would like to explain my problem.

Peter!

and persuade you to vote me on to the rural district council.

It is our intention to convert South Hill, which is part of our

property, into an open -cast sand quarry.

It's an absolute disgrace.

But wait a minute, this will provide a great many jobs.

Think of the income that such an enterprise would bring into the coffers

council. How much, then?

How much will it make, then?

Well,

I haven't worked it out in detail yet.

I wish I'd come.

Here's my bedspread, now looking.

Do you think the batter's been to play fair?

Well, no, I hope not. I want to see what your mum gets up to next.

Oh, I've got to get up to next. It's your supper.

Oh, jolly good idea, Ma.

Oh, Charlie boy.

Just in time for a snifter. Oh, you did not miss a good time down at the village

hall. Actually, I was looking for Marietta. Oh, you didn't come here, did

Victoria? No.

It's just that she went out about an hour ago and I haven't seen her since.

Well, I wouldn't worry. She's probably popped round to somebody's house.

Actually, we had a bit of an upset.

Oh, dear.

What about?

I told you, Charlie. I warned you about her.

Warned you about who?

Miss Winters.

Who's Miss Winters?

One of my teachers at school.

We call her Carry -On Marion.

Carry -On Marion?

Oh, dear.

Dear, oh, dear.

Oh, Mary.

I'm not serious, are you?

Hello?

Hello.

Can I come in for a minute?

I think I've left home.

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