Original subtitles

Oh, right.

That's a lot then, Mark.

Six geese, two dozen of them new bentons, some rolls of wire netting.

Two dozen balls of twine, and last but not least, one, two, three, four, five,

six little baby pigs.

He's the runt of the litter by the looks of him.

They're miserable -looking, devil he asked me.

What are you going to call him?

What about Hamlet?

Hamlet? Yes, I like that.

To bacon or not to bacon?

Yes.

A fair exchange for a load of hay, I reckon.

Mind you, I should be sorry to say goodbye to these.

It was either them or me.

Goodbye, sir.

My lord.

Right, come on.

Off we go.

In we go, lads.

Right, mate.

You work all this fetching and carrying.

Yeah.

What do you fancy? A pint of Guinness?

Too hot. Take a shandy, I think.

And a shandy it is.

I was just waiting for the tiles.

Should be here by the end of the week.

Fish pie for lunch.

Fish pie?

Yeah, Dad, why can't he get us more jobs like this?

Oh, now, now, if he's larking, he'll have to go spoiling his legs.

How long is it going to take?

Two, three weeks.

Better stock up, then.

We are. Go to Daddy.

Come here.

Thanks, Sid.

I'll put him this job away.

You know, things have been a bit slack lately.

That's all right.

Roof needed doing anyway. Oh, yeah.

I owe you one.

You do? Right.

Come round five o 'clock tomorrow morning and help me melt my cows.

Eh?

No!

I'm a builder.

I don't know one end of a cow from the other.

No good asking you for a glass of milk, then, is it?

Go on, little one.

What, John Blenheim?

You're not bad.

Bad.

I'm going to see how your dad's getting along.

Doesn't he ever fall over?

I hope not. I'm working underneath.

Terrific sandwich.

Pop's own cheese and Ma's curried ham.

We're very lucky.

Not lucky enough to avoid the electric bill, though.

I've been thinking.

Maybe I should drum up some accountancy work, just to tide us over.

Something will turn up, Charlie.

The sun's shining.

I've got a beautiful little baby.

And I love you.

What else could we ask for, eh?

Now,

children, today, foolishly perhaps, I'm going to attempt to instill into your

famously unwilling head Pythagoras' theorem concerning right -angled

Now, his theorem states that the square on the hypotenuse of a right -angled

triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.

Now then, what is a hypotenuse?

Yes, Zinnia Larkin. I'm Petunia. Oh, I wish you would stay in your seats.

What's the answer?

It's a big animal in Africa that likes to roll about in the mud.

Very amusing.

Please, Mr. Dawlish, I know.

No one else?

Very well, Petunia.

I'm Zinnia.

Yes, Zinnia. What's the answer?

It's one of those people who can send you to sleep by staring at you.

Quiet.

Quiet. It's not funny.

They're not funny.

A real treat with larking.

Better than my mum could do.

Funny.

I think nothing of it. It's a pleasure to cook for grateful eaters.

We like a busy kitchen, don't we, Mark? Yep.

Oh, yeah? What time's tea, then? Oh, time's tea. When you've done some work,

cheeky devil.

Come on, lads. Back to work, then.

Thank you again.

Come on, lads.

Come on.

Go and earn your wages.

Oh, dear.

You know that...

That meal, Mark, that made me feel real leapy, eh? Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Look at that, oxky -poxky, you know, you could do with a kip too, couldn't you?

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with

you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you?

I don't believe it.

Hello? Oh, hello, Mr Dawlish.

Ah, I see.

After school today?

Yes, all right, we'll both be there.

Yeah, bye.

The twins.

You lot.

Where are you going?

To see your headmaster.

Why?

Because he says you two have been messing him about again.

Oh, that's Mr Dawlish.

Yeah, you haven't put that whoopee cushion on his chair again, have you? He

absolutely no sense of humour.

Absolument fuck.

Well, come on then.

No,

don't misunderstand me, Mr Larkin.

Your daughters are very bright.

When they pay attention, they do very well indeed.

What's the problem?

The problem is they rarely pay attention.

Oh, dear.

Instead, they find ways to disrupt the class.

Well, we can be little devils when we want to.

Yes, well, I'm afraid, Mrs Larkin, we appear to have come to something of a

crunch.

What crunch is that?

I feel they would do better going elsewhere.

Hold on.

Are you... What's the name? Are you expelling our girls? Oh, no, no, no, no.

Please, don't think that.

Well, are we to think?

Well, let me explain.

There, go on, then. What is this crunch, then? Well, it's simply this.

I honestly don't believe they can realise their full potential in this

They need more control, more... Well, discipline.

Discipline?

I'm sure they'd do much better in a place where the staff can keep their eye

them the whole time.

Like a boarding school?

Boarding school?

Look, you have a lovely farm. It must be wonderful for children, all the fields

and animals and things.

But it can be very distracting, especially at the twins' age. Coming up

they need to concentrate on their work.

That is, if you want them to go on to better things.

I'm sure you didn't mean sending them that far.

Can we afford it? A boarding school's expensive.

Yeah, I know. Of course we can afford it. If it's for their own good, like he

says.

Where'd it go? Come on then. Are we all here? One, two, three.

Where is he?

Primrose, will you put that boy down and get in?

Hey, hey, girls, come on, get down.

Oh, come on. I said get down.

Anyone coming up here that meets you, I'll be serious now.

Come on, I've got my serious voice. I'll give you my serious voice. Get down

from there immediately.

There you go, go on.

Listen to your dad.

Listen to your dad.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Mr... Charlton?

That's a chap.

Oh, he's not here at the moment.

I'm Mrs Charlton. Can I help you?

Ernest Bristow. Pleased to meet you.

Bristow?

Do you own Bristow's Brewery? Well, I'm the same, my dear.

We have the contract to supply you with hops.

So my chief brewer tells me.

It all looks tickety -boo.

I believe your husband used to be an accountant.

Still is, actually.

Why? The thing is, my regular chap's gone and retired.

The books are all over the place.

I wondered if he might have a look at them.

I'm sure he'd be glad to.

Good. Grand. Well, tell him to drop by the brewery.

Hmm.

Very good.

Cheerio.

Bye -bye.

Say bye -bye.

Thank you.

Looked like your dad didn't demand again, John Blenheim.

Super plastic containers.

Hello.

Oh, hello, hello.

I'm so glad you were able to come.

What's all this about, then, Edith?

Oh, Mrs Larkin, I know it all looks absolutely ghastly, but a friend of mine

suggest I might be able to earn a little money.

Oh. Well, as you know, times are hard, and I'm afraid my savings are not a

bottomless pit.

How many have you sold, Edith?

Excuse me.

Come up there on the floor with that, darling. Go on, then.

Oh, dear.

There you are. You and John Pig on his hand, aren't you?

Oh,

let's have a look at this.

Oh, I don't fancy keeping my tea in there.

It's plastic, Ma.

It's the face of the future.

Oh.

Keeping abreast of the times.

It's a great success.

Did you sell anything, Edith?

One lunchbox.

Oh, dear.

What a mess.

The whole thing was absolutely ghastly.

The commission on one lunchbox won't even pay for the food. Seems like

just came for a free meal.

I must have baked a hundred cakes.

I think that's where you went wrong.

Well, one has to feed the customers.

I know, but afterwards.

How do you mean?

Well, sell first, feed later.

That's the way I would do it.

Edith?

Yes? You know about education and that sort of thing, don't you?

Oh, a little. Why?

Well, supposing we wanted to send the twins to boarding school.

Boarding school?

Not far away, mind.

Where do you reckon?

A boarding school?

For girls?

Um, let me see.

College is quite near.

Brockhouse College.

I know the headmistress, Annette Jimson. We were at school together.

Oh, well, do you reckon you could put in a good word for us?

Oh, of course.

Thank you, Edith.

How much did you say this was?

What a way to spend a Saturday.

Do you hope we're doing the right thing?

Yeah, well, we're only going to give the place a once -over.

I mean, if we don't like it, they don't go. Right, girls?

What's it called?

Brockhurst College.

Broccoli College.

Yuck. I hate broccoli.

Hi. Have you seen the swimming pool? Yes.

This is fantastic.

Hi. Have you changed your mind about Broccoli College, then?

You're most welcome.

Miss Poulter told me so much about you and your girls.

Twins, I believe.

How very original.

Do take a seat.

Who's that nice Indian girl?

Ah, yes, the Princess Zaria.

Oh, a princess, eh?

We do have a number of royal children here, Mr Larkin, from all over the

Edith told you our problem, Miss Jimson, about the twins.

Yes, I understand the village school didn't suit them.

And you'd like them to start here as soon as possible?

Well, yes, providing everything's up to snuff.

We can take pupils in the middle of the school year.

As it happens, I do have just two vacancies left after midterm.

Oh, well, that's lucky.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you mind if we have a shifty?

Yeah, look round.

Oh, yes, of course.

Let's have a shifty.

And see if everything is up to the mouth.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

We like to make it a family atmosphere here. A home from home is our aim.

Please follow me.

classes of no more than 15 girls, so each one gets the maximum attention from

our staff.

My masters are caring, capable, and committed.

Do follow me.

This is the kitchen.

The dining hall is through there.

Breakfast is at 8, and lunch is between 12 and 1.

And then there's a hot supper at 6 o 'clock every year.

We treat each girl as an individual and

we make it our business to see to their every need Just watch your step along

here

For that reason, we have a very full curriculum encompassing the students'

intellectual, musical, and physical.

Perhaps you care to see some of our outdoor mobility.

And then we've one of the own department.

Many famous people.

Bring plenty of blankets.

And hot water bottles. And food.

Lots of food.

My mum's a great cook.

In that case, we can sleep in our dorm. Right, Emma?

Right. Right.

Right. Right. We're going to love it here.

Right. As well as the gym, we have our own tennis court and swimming pool.

Though I'm afraid, sadly, no longer heated.

The girls play lacrosse and hockey and, of course, there are ballet classes.

Ew. we try to provide a rich and varied diet of activity for our girls in order

to stimulate them to the full.

Ah, let me introduce you to Miss Chip and Beulah.

Oh, how do you do?

Oh, Joan and, uh, Samantha.

Up to, we lost you there for a while.

I've just been poking about, that's all.

What do you reckon?

Can we afford it?

Oh, yeah, the fees seem reasonable enough.

But doesn't it seem strange to you that a school with royalty and what have you

should be in such bad nick?

What do you mean?

Well, the plumbing in this place is really dodgy.

Look at all them windows up there, look, they're all falling out.

All that brickwork needs repointing.

The wiring is positively ancient.

Oh, what is that? What is that?

Oh, you want to come in? All right, girls, all right. Quiet.

Quiet. Let's have time to think.

Well,

that settles it. Yay!

Go on, girls, off you go.

Should we see to the formality? Yes.

Do follow me.

And so it is with great pleasure I welcome your children to Brockhurst

Rest assured, they will be well looked after and will receive the best

that my staff and I can provide.

Hear, hear.

Hear, hear.

Let me end by saying how much I regret having to increase the school fees once

again. But necessary expenses have left me no alternative.

May I invite you to tea and biscuits in the staff room?

Oh, they got the kids in and they put the fees up.

God damn. Good ear, isn't it?

Girl, come on.

Here.

How old is that?

Good.

Look at all this.

No, no, no, no.

Take it away.

We are most grateful, Mr. Blarton.

I'm going to miss those little madams.

The parents are a bit stuck up, aren't they?

No, they're all right.

Just a bit unsure of themselves, that's all.

What? Oh, yeah, yeah, cheers.

Right, who's going to be mother, then?

Oh,

Antony,

darling, do have a digestive biscuit with me.

Clear off, Victoria.

This is delicious.

I made it myself.

My dad always says be sure to marry a good cook.

Well, she could, eh?

I can't imagine what you mean.

Ladies!

Can I have your attention, please, ladies?

Where's the tea?

It will be here in a few minutes.

The tea is served first, as a rule.

When we've made some room here, we'll be able to bring it in.

But in the meantime, let me show you how useful these containers are.

You notice that they're transparent, which means you can actually see when

nearly empty.

And look how neatly they're set together. Very neat, very convenient,

exactly what you need.

This is just what I need.

Don't be shy, ladies. Come and have a look.

This is a lunchbox.

Lunchbox here for the children to take to school.

Oh,

you've

been in.

Been up at the brewery.

Doing Bristow's books.

To this time? I know, I'm sorry.

They really are in a terrible mess.

Did he pay you enough?

Ah.

Um... Well, we didn't really get round to talking about money.

I hope he hasn't had his slaving half the night for nothing, Charlie.

I'm too tired to think about it.

Um... Oh, how did your party go?

Oh, not bad.

Only not bad.

£9 .36.

£9 .36.

That's wonderful. I told you, Charlie, you married a natural businesswoman.

Ta -da!

Junior and Zinnia Larkin, go back to your own places at once.

And don't do it again.

Quickly.

If you wish to succeed here at Brockhurst College, then greater

clearly required.

It's quiet without the twins.

The word is peaceful.

Well, they don't seem to have burnt the new school down yet.

Don't speak too soon.

I'm going to ask the headmistress if they can come home for your birthday

For the birthday party? That's a wonderful idea, Marley.

Yes, we'll really have a good one.

Sorry, darling, what do you say?

I don't want the birthday party.

Oh, come on, Primrose.

You can't have her knees up on your 16th birthday.

It's a big day in a young girl's life, isn't it, Ma?

I mean, you know, when you're 16, you can do all sorts of things.

Well, you know, you can... You can... You can... Well,

you can get married if you want to.

Tony,

you'd better watch your step, then.

Shut up, Victoria.

Come on, Primrose.

You'll be a big girl.

Fine.

Then as a so -called big girl, I can exercise my right not to have a stupid

party. Hey, Primrose, now come, just... What did I say now?

Primrose don't want to be a big girl, dear.

She wants to be a young lady.

We meet.

I do hope they're all right.

Yeah. They're probably having the time of their lives.

Midnight feasts, moonlight swims.

God, perfect.

Who'd have thought our daughters would go to school with princesses, eh? Who'd

have thought it?

Princesses are only girls under the skin.

under the skin.

And she's a great big baby.

Well, I was more like Gary Cooper.

I saw your face when Primrose said she didn't want a birthday party. You nearly

birthed out crying.

The kids are all growing up now.

Assuming we'll have none left.

I didn't think about it.

Sidney Larkin, if you want any more kids, you can adopt them.

I can, can I? Yeah.

How many have we got now?

Seven or eight, a loose track.

You'll try for a football team.

No,

no, I'm serious now.

Soccer or rugby?

Go on, Sid. It's a bit of trouble finding the right time.

Well, it's just the job room. So, we start tiling first thing Monday morning.

Tony.

I'm looking for Mr. Bristow.

Aren't we all?

Isn't he in yet?

Mr. Bristow's the boss.

He comes in when he feels like it, which isn't often.

My name's Tom Sargent.

Hello.

He was in yesterday.

My husband saw him.

Oh, your husband?

Yes. He talked him into sorting out your books.

Oh, hang on. So you're Mrs.

Charlton? Yes.

You bought the hop garden?

Did you know where I'd be able to find Mr. Bristow?

Well, you could try his house.

Where's that?

I'll write the address down for you.

How big's the staff here?

You're looking at it.

Just you?

Well, and a couple of lads in the loading bay.

Is that all it takes to make beer?

It's all it takes to make Bristow's beer.

It seems you don't even need a bath.

Oh, we do.

Badly. But Mr. Britho is more interested in frolicking in the French sunshine.

Hello there, Chief Constable.

What's the flying squad doing here, then?

Oh, sit.

Ah.

I see you're getting on.

Oh, yeah, yeah, we're getting on all right, yeah.

Anything wrong?

No, no, no, no. I'm just spreading the word around.

Oh, yeah? What about it?

Council builders in Ashford got robbed last night.

Oh, dear.

Anything valuable?

A real load of roofing tiles.

You're just joking.

Well, not.

Old as brass.

You might let me know if you hear of any being sold on the cheap.

Oh, yeah, I mean, of course I will, Albert. Certainly, yeah, certainly.

You know, it's amazing what people swipe these days, isn't it?

Isn't it? Isn't it incredible?

G'day then, Sid.

G'day, Albert.

This is a pleasant surprise, Mrs. Charlton.

Oh, are you arriving or leaving?

A bit of both.

I'm afraid our dear old government won't let me stay very long.

Why not?

Tax. If I stay, I have to pay it.

Damned unreasonable of them.

Please. Thank you.

Mr. Bristow, my husband's been doing your books.

And a brilliant job he did.

You should be proud of him. I am.

However, his services are a bit like your tax problems.

I don't quite follow you, my dear.

If he stays, you pay.

Oh, yes. See what you mean.

And he stayed until 11 o 'clock the other night.

And since any work after five is paid time and a half, and any after nine is

paid double, I've worked it out.

And you owe him this.

Yes, very well. Fair enough.

He'll accept a cheque.

Actually, I'm desperately in need of someone to keep a regular eye on the

business.

I feel I can trust him.

Job's his, if he wants it.

Will that be paid or unpaid?

Paid.

Naturally.

I'll ask him.

Thank you.

It's a pleasure.

Breakfast? Breakfast for me, you know.

Killed yourselves.

That was a very silly thing to have done.

I'm sorry, Miss Jimson.

Our parents are paying a lot of money for us to come to this school. We'd like

more food. That's enough.

Most girls don't have appetites as big as yours.

However, I shall see what can be done.

And in the meantime, no more climbing on the roof.

It's dilapidated enough as it is.

Is that clearly understood?

Yes, Miss Jimson.

I feel sorry for Miss Jetson. It's not her fault.

It is. The place is falling down. It's freezing.

Well, I'm still hungry.

I think we should ring home.

No, it doesn't really depend.

We wanted to come here, so we'll stick it out.

Perfect.

Oh, pardon me. Early morning breeze.

Are you busy today?

Oh, yeah, well, it's a busy time of year, ma.

the basket over to the twins for me? I can't stop cooking for them just because

they're not here.

Hmm. I've got to go and pick up some army surplus.

I can drop it off on the way back.

Oh, thanks, Sid. I wouldn't want them to think we'd forgotten them.

But the bank can't simply cancel the loan.

Miss Jensen, this surveyor's report gives a detailed list of damage and

to the building. Our loan was made on condition that the property would be

in good order.

We have no money left over to spend on repairs.

I'm sorry.

I have been headmistress at Brockhurst College for 15 years.

I wish there was something I could do.

Oh, I'll see you, Miss J. Mr Larkin, please. Sorry to disturb you. Excuse me.

I'm just leaving.

It's just that...

I just wanted to drop this grub off for the twins, if that's all right.

Did they ask you for it, Mr Larkin? No, no, no, no, of course not, no.

Oh, well, I'm sure you've come in what they call the nick of time.

I think so.

It's been a bad day.

Mr Larkin, this is inexcusable.

A few tears never shock no one, Miss J.

Teach our girls that composure is essential at all times in public. And

am, starving as you'd feel like a good 'un.

Doesn't do no good bottling it up, Miss J.

The fact is, I enjoy a good week myself every now and again.

Helps to unblock the tubes.

Thank you, Mr Larkin.

Is there anything I can help with?

I'm sure you have problems of your own, Mr Larkin.

Yeah, fact is, I always think that talking about them helps.

You know what they say, problems shared and all that.

Yesterday, a girl was hurt in the gym.

The vaulting horse broke.

Well, the fact is the gym needs to be modernised.

The whole school will come to that. It never rains but it pours.

Well, show me this vaulting horse.

Maybe he just needs pegging together.

Very kind of you, Mr Larkin, but... But me no buts, Miss Jane.

But me no buts.

Where's the gym?

That should bring us up to date.

Thank you.

Wouldn't want you setting that wife of yours on me again.

You're a lucky bloke having her in your corner.

Charlie. What?

What's the matter?

Nothing. What was that a word for ages?

I should have asked Bristow about that money, not you.

What difference does it make?

It makes a big difference to me.

Come on.

He's offered you a part -time job and a decent wage.

That's not the point.

Charlie.

Just come here.

What is it?

I just wanted to kiss you.

Alright.

our beautiful, passionate body that never has ached for a heart.

out at once.

Quickly.

This room is out of bounds from now on.

I could have told you the business was up the creek.

I didn't realize just how far until now.

Brickner couldn't care less.

His wife's filthy rich.

Just my luck.

What is?

We buy a hop garden to supply a brewery that's about to go butt.

All right?

Thanks, sweetheart.

That's a good day.

He didn't scare the hang of it.

I don't need every penny.

How do you mean, Charlie?

I mean, we might as well turn the hot garden into a pig farm for all the good

it's going to do. Why is that?

Here, would you like a cup of tea? Please.

Well, what I mean is, the only brewery we stand any hope of doing any business

with... What do you mean, Bristow?

After two glorious centuries, Arthur Bristow and son will shortly be calling

the receiver.

What?

You don't mean it.

I do.

I'm positive.

No, no.

Hello?

Mrs Larkin, thank heavens.

I've been trying to reach you all evening.

Are the twins with you?

With us?

Whatever do you mean?

Sid?

They're missing from the school and Zari has gone too.

We've looked everywhere.

What is it?

It's the girls.

They've run away.