Original subtitles

Makes you feel all bottled up.

Yeah, certainly not a day for the beach.

My marriott meal finds something to do. Gonna have our fortunes told. Yeah,

maybe there was since I looked into the future.

I might have known about this little bundle.

Yeah, me and all before it happened.

Oh, I would ask a feel if he knew what you were saying.

Maybe you might see a tiny little stranger in the crystal ball, eh?

Is that a hint or something, Pop?

Heavy on those tins in the back, if you ask me. Oh, don't worry. Not everybody's

like your father.

He's only got to start eyeing me across a 40 -acre field and I'm pregnant.

Honestly, you two.

Pay no attention, Charlie.

So, have you ever been in an auction before?

No. Pop's been coaching me.

Yeah, he'll be all right. Nothing to it. So you say.

Oh, right.

Now, listen. Be calm but clean.

And remember, when I give you the signal, right, you pull out and let the

make the final bid.

£150, ladies and gentlemen, for part of the wine cellar of the now sadly closed

Cipriani restaurant in Folkestone.

Vintage wine for the connoisseur, including an excellent Chianti Classico,

Fresca Baldi, £55, and three cases of Cortes de Gabi, £52.

An exceptional year.

Right. You don't know him.

Now, I'll tell you the two blokes you've got to watch out for, all right? See

the bloke in the front row, the big fat bloke? Mm -hmm. It's Dennis Skindle.

He's a chef at a holiday camp at Own Bay.

And the other one is the geezer that's sitting two rows behind... He's just

nodded. That's Wally Tucker.

He owns pubs and cafes all along the coast.

Don't... Look.

150. Told you, you don't know me. You're from Adam. 160.

Keep your eyes on me for the signal to stop bidding.

170.

Pop. 170 pounds.

Do I hear 180?

What?

What is the signal?

180.

175. I know. Simple.

I'll light up a cigar.

Something. Someone's off their job, I think, Ma.

Oh, come into the shed out of the rain. It's terrible. Quickly, come inside.

Oh, come in, Ma. There you are. Thank you.

Oh, forgive them. Ignore the fools. They are a fishy lot.

But I am a gentleman.

Can't you know the wolf whistles are full, though? Me and my ma.

Oh, whistles for both of you, I would say.

Oh.

But at least your enfant is dry.

Oh, I wouldn't count on that.

He's not mine, he's hers.

Oh, I apologise.

But when your daughter said that she was your daughter, I assumed I thought...

No, that's all right.

Oscar's a late camera. He's a sort of grand finale.

He seems a fitting prize.

French,

I think.

There's not much of a summer you English are having.

Terrible. Complete washout.

How about you?

Oh, where we come from, it's very good.

If I take a few days, it's always a beautiful summer in Brittany.

Lots of sunshine.

Oh, nice.

You've never been to our corner of France?

No.

Never even been across the Channel.

Oh, but that is a crying shame.

I suspect it is.

These look nice.

Oh, de Rouget, would you like some?

Oh, yeah, lovely.

But we insist on paying.

All right, but a very special cheap price for your charming maman.

Yes, a dozen, please.

You must have a very large family.

Seven, three adults.

Aren't you two of them's twins?

Come now, gentlemen.

Surely a little on the low side for most useful confinement of gherkins.

Are the mouthwatering quality.

According to the seller.

So, can we improve on 70?

Anyone? Yes, sir.

75.

And 80?

80 pounds unbid.

Yes, sir. 85.

And 90?

And 95?

Anyone beyond 95?

Unbid. 95 pounds. Sorry, sir.

No smoking in the auction room.

Any improvement on 95 pounds? Sorry. Sorry.

What do you mean, no smoking? I'm a donkey's ears. Nobody said nothing about

smoking. Insurance rule now, sir.

Ever since we lost that pile of Persian rugs in the fire last month.

100. 100 pounds.

100.

Can we better 100, gentlemen?

100 pounds.

Any advance on 100 pounds?

105.

Any advance on 105?

Are we all done at 105?

Go to the gentleman at the back.

How was I to know?

You said you'd light up.

Have you heard of mine?

Have you ever played charades? I couldn't see a flame or a cigar. Take it

you two. At least you've still got the gherkins. Oh, yeah, it's perfect. We've

still got them. It wasn't a totally wasted day. Mariette and me got a bit of

treat for you, haven't we?

And it's not too expensive.

Let me guess.

We're having fish for supper.

You're nowhere near.

French?

Good almighty, what for?

For a holiday, that's what. The North Brittany, northwest corner by the

Atlantic. What is all this, ma 'am? I mean, what has got into you?

The rain and the cold, that's what. This endless monsoon.

That's in India.

Oh, not at the moment, it's not.

Where did you get all these?

travel agent.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Don't I have any say about what goes on here? Look, it's August already. There's

not a lot of time left.

Not a lot of time left. What for?

A decent holiday.

What about the kids' schooling?

They go back a week late.

Hold on.

If we're going to go to France, it's now or never. It'll be an education for the

lot of us, like the telly is.

We had some advice from these French fishermen in Ramsgate.

What? From froggies?

Skipper looked a bit like, um... What's his name in that smashing movie?

Gigi.

Maurice Chevalier?

No. Louis Jordan? That's it, yeah.

He fancies a Gerard Brisson.

He even sounds like a film star.

I'm Pierre Lepore.

And who's he when he's at home?

No, it's a place.

Oh, so you know this part of the world, then, do you?

How extraordinary.

What? I used to spend my holidays here as a boy before the war.

This is the same view that I had from my hotel bedroom of the beach and the

town. Well, I never... Well, that's it, then. We'll go there.

The air's wonderful there. The sea's blue.

Goes out for miles at low tide.

Lovely warm sand.

Come under these yellow sands and then take hands.

Excuse me.

And I almost forgot.

There's a little train that runs along the coast.

Oh, I hope they haven't done away with it.

That train is France to me.

Is it always hot there, like them fishermen said?

It's always hot and sunny in Brittany.

Some summer, we'd never have a drop of rain.

I'm out gently, Charlie.

Who'd have brought us to Lapland?

Temporary sprawl, I expect.

There it is, over there on the left.

Report, everyone, we've arrived.

Is this it?

Oh! Careful!

All right, all right.

OK. All right on the left.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Charlie, is this it?

Yeah.

Um, it looks different.

It's a lot smaller somehow than I remember.

Well, it shrunk, has it?

to do with a lick of paint.

You had ten versions, monsieur?

Larkins and Mr and Mrs Charlton.

Oh, that was a bit much.

French cigarettes?

Smells more like mice.

Or leaking gas.

Oh, look.

Oh, my.

Oh. Here. Any chance of a porter?

Concierge pour le bagage? Our porter is in hospital.

Oh, that's a good place to have a porter, isn't it? Ah, yes, here we are.

we're facing double rooms, one with bathroom suite and child's coat, and one

single... That's me.

Passport, s 'il vous plaît.

Small children must be kept under control, monsieur.

We're all a bit fatigué.

Charlie, Charlie, I know we've been travelling all day.

We went through.

I regret the rooms are not quite ready, but the patron and the maid are

preparing them now.

Madame Dupont and I are old friends.

Madame Dupont and her husband died some years ago.

Perhaps you mean their daughter, Antoinette, Mademoiselle Dupont.

Yes, I see.

Of course.

Perhaps you'd care to take tea in the salon?

Do me a favour, Charlie. Look at you.

What?

Where?

I can't see anything.

You're choking. I've only got my bikinis.

What? I've only got my bikinis.

Look at this.

Are you looking tea pots?

It's hot water for the tea bags.

No,

excuse me, Cherry.

No, no, put that on the slate.

We don't have our rooms yet.

No room? You must pay money.

Oh, I'll sort it out.

God almighty, Charlie.

How much is 2 ,350 francs? Just over two pounds.

Two? For a cup of tea, you have to make yourself?

And hot milk?

Dear, dear.

What? D 'accord.

The tea will be added to your main bill.

Oh, ah.

All right, then. Mostly then.

Anyway, all these forms must be filled in for the gendarmerie. Yes, I'll look

after those.

When they are complete, you may go up to your homes.

Excusez -moi.

Avez -vous a television for us to watch to pass the time?

Pas de television.

There's no television.

What the Mary Ellen are we doing in a place that ain't got no telly?

Is this serious matter?

Now, we want a bit more of the old Entente Cordiale round here, so you go

get them room keys, toot sweet, or Voo's will be in Trey's trouble avec moi,

sappy?

Action all right, Charlie?

Yeah!

Where's the, uh, bathroom, then?

Huh? What's that?

What, this?

Hmm. What?

What?

Oh, no.

A bit small for the two of us.

Well, this, this, this is en suite.

This is more like a bed set.

Ah, dear me, mine.

I'll get Oscar settled in his car.

The new me can get changed. We'll go down for a slap -up meal.

Yeah, yeah, all right. I'll see you, Bolton.

I'll get us a couple of brandies. I'm gasping.

Um... Oui. Oh.

Uh... Pardon? Reception.

Now, Lewis, could you send up two brandies, large ones, to the play,

Oh,

God.

What's wrong, my darling?

What's wrong with you, dumb?

It's more flaming like it.

All right.

Here we are then, Ma.

Thank you.

Children.

Anybody ordered yet? No, I'm waiting for you, Pop.

Oh, right.

You look swish, Ma.

I tell very much, thank you.

So do you, yes.

Oh, very haute couture.

Well, I hope they've got something succulent on, because I am starving.

I've asked the menu twice.

Excuse me, Morshari.

Could we have the old him list over here, love?

Thanks, Maria.

Thank you.

Would you like me to translate?

Oh, yes, yes. Only you, Charlie boy.

Right, well, to begin with, there are longestine.

That's a kind of small lobster.

Those people over there are having one. Right.

Oh,

they look like pink spiders.

Yes, well, they taste good, though.

You crack the claws with pliers.

Then to follow, there's saucisson à la mode Bretagne.

That's a special kind of spicy sausage they make around here.

Or there's pigeon in wine. Then to follow, there's fruit and cheese.

Well, that all sounds jolly bon, doesn't it?

Manus, Manus.

Right, what shall we drink?

Port. Oh, I'll just have a brandy. I don't know how to port.

Huh? I thought these froggies lived on wine. Yes, they do. But it's their own,

you see, and port isn't.

I suggest that we drink vin rosé. That'll go well with fish or pigeon.

No longer steam.

Fini. Oh, dear. No more longer steam.

What's instead?

Friture.

Fried sardines?

Oh, sardines. No, no, no.

Mais... Les autres choses restent depuis sur le menu, j 'espère.

Non, tous les deux. Le saucisson et le pigeon fini aussi.

The sausage and the pigeon are both off.

There's rabbit or mutton.

Rabbit? After all that myxomatosis, I should say, and that started here with

these froggies in France.

We want baked beans and cocoa.

Yeah, baked beans and cocoa.

Yeah, all right, all right. We just have to be... That's all.

I'm afraid it's cold -sliced mutton.

Cold -sliced. God almighty.

Well, at least it's stopped raining.

Smell that, eh?

Smell that. That is real Atlantic ozone, that is.

Lovely. A bit more like it after the aromas of the Bowie bars.

Yeah.

Our room was suffocating.

All the windows were nailed up. Oh, I'll kick you off the balcony, I suspect.

If it wasn't a balcony, I'd have a collapse.

Now, listen, no breaking ranks.

We've got to secure our beachhead first.

All right, so it's draft screens up.

Then find a place, put your towel. Don't forget, leave a decent bit of room.

Hey!

Come on!

Hey! Come on, you! Look, no slacking. There's plenty of time for larking

The hotel broker says we're in the Gulf Stream.

That's what I say about Margaret and all.

Ma? Hmm?

Is Primroseby coming now? Yeah, later on.

I don't want to get too much sun.

How's she looking?

Oh, spotty.

She'll be all right in a few days.

Perfect.

That's even more perfect.

Really? Eh? Who?

The French.

Well, they would, wouldn't they?

I mean, because you're not undernourished, are you, like that

No.

It's true, isn't it?

Everything's much better when the old solly shines.

Here, rub some oil on my back and legs, will you?

Will you?

Anything.

Don't get frisky.

Right. As you far would.

Here,

Charlie, what's he selling, then? Hot roasted chestnuts. Ooh, Chester.

Hey, kids, who wants Chester?

Yeah, I do.

Right, come on, then.

All right, all right.

Form a queue and show the gentleman that we are English.

Thank you very much.

Mark, your successor.

Oh, yes, please.

All right.

Stop fighting, girl. Come along.

Here we are.

Montgomery, what do you say?

Merci. Merci. Good. Darling.

Good girl.

And... Yes.

Si.

Merci, monsieur.

There you go, Mott.

Put a bit of powder in your musket.

The bloke told me they're an aphrodisiac.

You made that up.

Tell you what, this aphrodisiac, huh?

What's that?

Ten felonies.

Damn silly names they've got, aren't they?

Like our kid.

What's that look they've got on their bums there?

Pudding bags, aren't they?

Don't look now, but there's a boy watching me.

Really, darling?

He's over there.

Oh, he seems a nice sort of boyfriend, Ruth.

No, he's not. He's rude. He keeps pointing that telescope at me all the

You see?

I hate him. And he wears glasses.

Just a minute.

I thought you hated him this afternoon.

We got talking.

Turned out to be slightly more interesting.

Oh, really?

Got a name, is it?

Marquand's one.

Oh, yeah?

Very French.

Monsieur Larkin, is it possible to speak with you?

Yes, surely.

Perhaps you would kindly...

Step into the bureau for a moment.

Oh.

Oui.

All right.

Well, what's up?

It is merely a little matter of the passports.

Oh, right. I see.

Oh, I hope what I said last night hasn't upset our relationship.

Sir, what is your name?

Molly.

Molly. Molly.

Molly. Oh.

Molly. Funny name for a bloke, ain't it, Molly?

Still, no. No, it's nice to know. It's nice to know.

So, er, right.

What is the problem, then, Molly?

Eugène Mollet.

Yeah, exactly.

You are having some difficulty, you see, in deciding which of your passports is

which. I can't see why.

Well, this one, for example, is Mr and Mrs Charlton.

This is not you and Madame.

No, no, no. That is my daughter, Mariette, and her husband, Charlie.

Sidney Charles Larkin.

This is you?

Yes, that's me.

That's a very good photograph of me, even though I do say it myself.

With six children on it?

Well, yes, that's right. It's a bit crowded, but there you go.

Well,

that's Flo's, of course.

Pardon?

Well, you know, the wife, then.

Are we to take it?

That your wife is a single lady with another name?

As it happens, yes.

Have you got any objections?

And are we to take it that you are sharing a double room in this hotel with

single lady while you yourself have six children?

Seven. Seven. Don't forget my married daughter.

Then, monsieur, I regret I must ask you to leave this hotel.

You listen to me, Molly, old son.

Not on your Nelly.

Nelly? Nelly, yes.

That means we're staying put.

If you will leave this hotel without complications, we will

dismiss the matter of the bill, also for the chair Madame destroyed last night.

You listen to me, garçon.

That could have destroyed Ma. That could have injured her for life.

Now, you just get me the boss of this outfit, Mrs.

Mademoiselle -whatever -her -name -is -Dupont, and I'll have this little take

I'll take with her.

At 20.

Exactly.

Monsieur Larkin.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Bonjour. At long last, the famous madame.

I beg your pardon.

I mean, mademoiselle Dupont.

Oui.

I understand you're trying to throw us out.

There are certain things we should discuss.

Like why Ma and me have got seven kids and we're not married.

That, of course, is your own affair.

Yes, you're quite right.

And if you must know, we eloped when she was 16 and spent our first night

together in a bed and breakfast in Brighton.

Yes,

thank you very much, Trayvon.

Yeah. Yeah, but we didn't.

No, no, no, if we're going to stay here, we've got to have another bedroom.

Well, what is the difficulty?

Is it the bed?

Well, yes and no.

Is it too small?

No, no, it's not that, you know, it's lumpy.

Lumpy? Yeah, lumpy, yeah.

And apart from that, we need somewhere with a balcony, because it's a bit

cramped in there, and it's... Well, it's stark as well, isn't it? You know, it

needs a bit of, um... What do you call it?

Plumage? Yeah, that's it. Yes, that's what it needs, a bit of plumage.

Oh, uh, do you mind?

No, please. Oh, I smoke those myself.

Oh, do you? Oh, there you go, then. Go on, help yourself.

Merci. Beaucoup.

Although it's late in the season, we are surprisingly full.

Yeah, so I know it's last night in the dining room.

I'm sorry about the dishes that had to be withdrawn from the menu.

We hope to do better for you tonight.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, is it possible to have a couple of nice soft boiled eggs each

for breakfast?

Would you like in?

We have still not resolved the question of a double room being occupied by a

single person.

Well, look, if Ma and me don't mind, I mean, why should you?

If it were left to the hotel's discretion, it might be different, but

problem is the police.

The police?

There are two strict rules in France. We have to give details of every guest to

the local gendarmerie.

Well, you could bend the rules, couldn't you? No.

Cover up for us?

That is asking a great deal, Monsieur Larkin.

I know, I know, but if you did, it would be perfect.

Quoi?

It would mean that you are trap on.

Tomorrow, in Ville de Fougere, there is a pardon.

Where's Ville de Fougere, Charlie?

It's about 20 miles or so up the coast.

Pardon me, but what's a pardon when it's a loan?

It's a kind of procession.

It's a pilgrimage through the streets.

Oh, I'd love to go tomorrow.

Oh, I wouldn't. I'm working on my tan.

Nothing. It's all worth seeing.

Well, you can count me out anyway.

We've got to take the Rolls -Royce into the garage because the thermostat's

playing. Or we could go in the bus.

Are you

all

right?

Are those lights annoying you?

No. We're just having fun.

Sounds as if you'd like to join in.

Of course not.

I'd rather just watch.

Thanks very much. See you later.

Have a nice time.

I wish you was coming with us.

Yeah, so do I, but I've got to get the car.

All right, bye -bye. Have a nice day.

Dans quel hôtel?

Restez -vous. Ah, the old hotel, yes. It's the Beau Rivage.

C 'est très joli, n 'est -ce pas?

What? C 'est très joli, n 'est -ce pas? Oh, jolly. Très jolly, yes.

Oh, yes. Yeah, very good.

Voilà.

Ça y est.

Oh. Ça marche.

Oh, ça marche, right.

How much do I owe you, then?

How much do I owe you for the... Non, non, non.

C 'est gratuit.

C 'est un grand honneur.

Oh,

oh, yeah.

travelogue. I like the girls with the funny lace hats. The boat was best.

The singing was lovely.

All right, how many?

Let's see the rest of the town, Ma.

Aren't you going to go to the church service?

Oh, no. I'd rather see the shop. Yeah!

Charlie? Whatever you say.

What's it like, Kent?

Well, we live in a higgledy -piggledy house with horses, pigs and geese and

woods all round and a river across the meadow. How about you?

We live in the centre of Paris, except we go away in August.

Is your father a farmer?

Sort of. Sort of. Lots of things pop. And yours?

My parents sell cakes and confectionery.

Ah, patisserie.

Oui, patisserie.

Could you bring me some more ice, s 'il vous plait?

Oh, and I'll have another brioche while you're at it. Oui, monsieur.

Merci beaucoup.

Hello, Pop.

Oh, bonjour, Primrose.

Hey, where's Mark Anthony?

Gone to make a phone call.

Would you like a drink?

No, thanks. He's confirming our lunch date.

Oh, yeah.

Your lunch date?

With his parents.

Oh.

He's got to that stage then, has he? They sound nice. They're on a sweet

It does sound nice and all.

Sweet shop.

Perfect.

Ooh. Ooh.

But... an aristocrat?

It is Madame Larkin and Oscar, n 'est -ce pas?

Oh, I know you, don't I?

Gérard Boisson.

We met in Rumsgate.

Yeah, hello.

Bonjour.

You've forgotten?

No, forgotten? You should think not. You're the reason we're here.

We collect some nets and then head back to Arbor.

I hadn't bargained on a trip round the bay.

All aboard the Skylark.

We could take you back to St -Pierre -le -Port, if you like. Oh, no, they'll be

waiting for me at the bus station.

Including Monsieur Larkin?

No, he's having a day on his own.

Does him good sometimes.

And now you are having a little time on your own.

Yes.

I would ask you to stay for lunch, but the food we have on board is rather

basic. To be honest, it's terrible.

What is it?

The same monotonous stuff we have every day.

Boiled fish and potatoes.

Boiled fish and potatoes?

Where's the galley?

My parents have been thinking of exchanging me.

Exchanging you?

For an English boy or girl.

Oh, swap.

For a few weeks, that's all. I'll learn each other's language better.

Personally, I prefer splitting it up.

Go and stay with family, then vice versa.

Take someone back to stay with yours.

Why do you keep looking through that?

To see if anyone else is invited to lunch.

It's beautiful.

I thought you were staying in a hotel like us.

We always come here in the summer.

This is mon ami, Premrose.

Bonjour, Premrose.

Bonjour. We are having lunch under the tree.

Going to have something to drink.

Your parents must be very rich. I've heard they run a sweet shop.

I meant patisserie. All over France.

You call it a chain.

Is your father a millionaire?

We never discuss money, but I suppose so.

That was one of the best meals we've eaten on board for a long time.

The bouillabaisse, it was little short of a miracle.

The what?

The bouillabaisse, the fish soup.

Oh, glad you like it. It's one of my specialties. See, we've got a stream and

pond in our backyard.

Obviously, what we need is a woman's touch.

What you need is a better stocked larder.

A toast.

To our delightful English cook, who won our stomachs and our hearts.

A la vôtre! A la vôtre!

Oui.

Oui.

C 'est exact.

Sidney Charles Larkin.

Oui. Son passeport, un moment.

Je l 'ai devant moi, oui.

Non, seulement son nom est son lieu de naissance.

Oui, il est né à Sidcoupe.

Oui,

alors ça lui fait Lord Sidcoupe ou Lord Larkin de Sidcoupe.

Au revoir, et merci pour tout.

Au revoir.

Don't get your thing in me, Bob's calling you.

What's it?

Queen, Ma.

Well, I never.

Angela Snow.

C 'est vous.

Who's this?

Little Oscar.

Hello, Oscar. You're out at last, aren't you?

Christy, bumping into you in the middle of Brittany.

Can't believe it. Here you are, all France, large as life.

Blistering coincidence.

Second one today, bumping into them fishermen.

Oh, um, this is my sister Iris. Hello. Iris, this is Mrs Larkin. Actually,

it's because of Iris I'm here.

She came to make the pilgrimage.

Ah. Awfully religious.

Got the most god -awful religion, Iris, in fact.

I just saw the pardon.

Oh, wasn't it sublime? Oh. All the more moving, for it's rough, down -to -earth

flavour. It's like farmhouse pate.

Where are you staying?

Not here. In Saint -Pierre -le -Port, a hotel called the Beau Rivage. Oh.

Yeah, I'm going to have to go. I'll miss my bus. Is Pop waiting for you? No, he

didn't come today. He had to take the car into the garage.

Lord?

Who?

Lord, there is, after all, a room that you and Madame might prefer.

Oh, all right. Well, perfect.

Oh!

Have you had a pleasant day?

Oh, yes, fine taste.

Had a couple of noggins, spot a lunch in 40 weeks.

Please come in, Milord.

Merci.

The room is not large, but the bed is full size with a firm mattress.

Oh, fine.

This is very nice. Very nice indeed.

And you see, the view is also good with the balcony.

Oh, yes, that is absolutely beautiful.

Oui. Oh, lovely. Now, Ma is really, really bound to love that. I do hope so.

You see, it is my room.

Oh, now, come on. You can't give up your own billet for Ma and me.

Think nothing of it.

We at the Beaurevard are honored.

No, no, seriously, I mean... The pleasure is ours, Milord.

And look, there is even a little annex for the baby.

Oh.

Oh, that is very kind of you, Mademoiselle Dupont. It's very kind

Well, the room is perfect.

Right down to the smell of lily of the valley.

Les muguets.

How very clever of you.

It's just that scent always acts like a key to me.

You take marigolds. Every time I smell marigolds, I'm right back in the garden

where I first met Ma.

Bluebells and, what, in a jiff? I'm in the woods at home.

And cinnamon.

The smell of cinnamon reminds me of Christmas.

Now it's going to be the same with Lily of the Valley.

I shall never be able to smell that again without thinking of you.

I'll arrange to have your things transferred.

And may I say, my lord, it is a pleasure to deal with a real Englishman.

And you, you are a real sweetheart.

Bonjour.

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