All language subtitles for Ed s04e08 Therapy.eng

Yes?

Excuse me, Dr. Soper?

You must be Ed Stevens?

Yeah, please come in.

Thanks.

Hi. So, would you care for some coffee
before we get started? Just like that,

we're just going to start?

You know what, maybe this isn't such a
good idea after all. You know, I'm just

going to sit in that chair and talk
about myself for an hour. I don't know

can do that. I don't know if I can put
you through that. Ed, that's the whole

point of seeing a therapist.

I know, but it's so gosh darn self
-indulgent. You know, I feel like Corey

Feldman on Inside the Actor's Studio.

Your friend, Dr.

Burton, tells me you've been upset.

Depressed.

Yeah, well, that's true.

He thought maybe I could help you figure
things out.

I'd love to give it a try.

Okay. Good.

Now, how about that coffee?

Say, you got any root beer?

Like, why you bending me up like this,
man?

Sorry. What do you mean, sorry?

Did you think I made a silly putty? What
you gonna do, smush me down on the

funny pages and peel me off until I get
haggard to horrible on my ass? I said

I'm sorry, Eli. What are you so tense
about?

I'm not tense.

Are you kidding me?

Y 'all knotted up like macramé, and
you've been bitching at me since the

you got here. So what's going on?

I told you, ain't nothing going on.
Everything is cool, man.

You're gonna tell me what's wrong. I'm
gonna hit you where you can still feel

it. Always like that, man.

Very much so.

Now. If you've got appointments this
afternoon, cancel them. Why?

What's up?

You're a guidance counselor. I need
guidance counseling.

What's the matter, Molly? Are you
feeling woodchop?

This is no joke.

Okay, sorry. Sit down.

Okay. Talk to me.

What is that?

My guidance counselor pad. Put it away.
As you wish.

All right.

Here goes.

The other night at the town pool, I did
something horrible.

And the other night at the town pool,
that's when everything went to hell. The

other night at the town pool, I
destroyed the best relationship I ever

I'm going to need some more root beer.

I'm in the sky tonight.

There I can keep by your side Watching
the wide

world riot and hide Now I'll be coming
next year

So to make a long story short, after
three years in Stuckyville, I finally

started dating one Carol Vesey.

Three years? Yeah.

Well, you certainly know how to close a
deal.

Forgive me. It was uncalled for. Anyway,
the trouble started about a month ago

after Carol got this great job offer in
New York City, and I couldn't bear the

thought of leaving Stuckyville and going
back there, so we decided to try things

long distance for a while.

How'd that go?

It was a challenge.

Quite a challenge indeed.

I guess

we

should go.

Okay. Wait. Yeah.

One more game of cow -kitty?

All right, yeah, you go.

Okay.

Cow. Moo.

Kitty. Meow.

Cow. Moo.

Kitty. Meow.

Cow. Moo.

Cow. Moo. Kitty. Meow.

Cow. Meow.

You got me.

All right, good night.

I love you.

I love you.

I told you about Jennifer Young, right?

Jennifer Young?

Yeah, the pie lady.

Oh, yeah, the pie lady, the one you're
in business with. So the other day we

were sitting down going over our market
extraction.

Did you know we were selling more pies?

What?

A radio jingle.

And what kind of jingle do you have in
mind? You know, it's funny you should

me, Jennifer, because I've been giving
this a lot of thought. And let me break

this down to you logically.

I'm listening.

Whatever we do, it's got to be gangster,
because that's how we live.

It can't be too gangster.

We don't want to scare off the elderly
Caucasians. See, that's our pie eating

demographic. That's very wise.

No, you know what we need? We need a
rapping granny.

You're kidding, right? Now, come on. You
know how funny it is when white people

try to talk like black folks.

Hey, Miss Harris.

Repeat after me.

Off the heezy for sheezy.

Beezy, cheesy, and the goo.

Now, come on now. Come on. You know that
is state -of -the -art comedy right

there. That's priceless right there.

Eli. Yes?

I'm starting to think you might be a
dumbass.

And right that second, I looked at
Jennifer, covered in flour, calling me

dumbass, and I realized I was falling in
love.

I've been calling you a dumbass for
months.

Yeah, lad, but I don't date black men.

I don't get it, Molly. I was with you
the whole night.

What'd I miss?

Okay, let me start from the beginning.

My tale of woe begins one evening at
Stucky Bowl.

Hey, um...

Shirley, do you have any gum? Indeed I
do.

Help yourself.

Uh, wax lips? Enjoy.

Do you have any regular gum?

Why chew regular gum when you can chew a
gum that is also a cocktail?

The zen of Shirley Piffko.

Well, well, if it isn't Barbara Hershey
and Angelina Jolie.

Hi, Phil. Hey, you want a bowl of game?
No, thanks. Come on, I'll handicap

myself. How? Size 15 shoes.

Uh, no, you know, I've got to go home
anyways. I've got to be up at 6 a .m. A

little Tai Chi at sunrise?

No, I'm doing an interview before school
starts. For what? We're hiring a new

night janitor.

That was my first mistake. I mean, of
course, if I knew that he was going

What are you doing?

I'm listening.

What is that, your guidance counseling
face?

Why does it look weird?

So after a couple of weeks of endless
phone calls, it was finally time for my

first visit to New York, so I got in on
a Friday, and Carol invited me to come

by the office.

And even though we had only been apart
for just a little while, you know,

her made it seem that much longer. She
just looked different.

So this is like the layout area. They
designed the whole magazine here. And,

oh, artwork.

Yes. And, oh, this is the best part.

Ta -da.

This is where I sit.

Oh, cool. Do you want to see what I look
like when I write? Yeah, do I ever.

Oh, that's impressive. That's very good.
You look great.

Thank you. So do you.

Oh, really? Thanks.

What's with the cap?

Oh, this?

It's a trucker cap. They sell them on
the street. I just bought one.

Why, is it no good? It doesn't look,
it's no good? No, it's stupid.

We did this silly trend watcher piece in
the magazine about how trucker caps

are, you know.

What? They're out of fashion.

What? I just, I haven't even seen one
before today. I said it's stupid. It's

nothing. Oh, Stephen, hey, hey, hey,
come here.

You've got to say hi to Ed. Oh, it's the
boyfriend.

Yeah. How's it going, bro?

Yeah, good. Well, thank you.

Steven is a photographer, and he has
really, really been helping me settle

Yes. Oh, great. That's kind of you.

No problem.

You've got a fine young woman here, bro.
Thanks, bro.

All right.

I've got to hand these in. I'll see you
guys later.

Trucker cap? I hardly knew you.

Other things to show you.

Carol fit in so well with her new
magazine buddies. I just didn't. And

time I dared open my mouth, they looked
at me like I was speaking Portuguese.

Last night at the Soho Grand, I ran into
Giovanni Ribisi. Oh, my God. He was so

funny in Lost in Translation. He cracked
me up.

Ed, have you seen it?

No.

Uh -huh.

Now, wait till you hear what happened
next. Hold on.

You really met Chuck Norris?

That wasn't the point.

Well, I know I'm just a fan.

Walker, Texas Ranger.

A lovely piece of work.

So later that evening, we went back to
Carol's place.

God, miracles are uncool in all my life.
Come on.

You're great.

Loved you.

How about that one guy who asked me if I
bought Stucky Wolf for the kids factor?

What the heck is that supposed to mean?

You're overreacting.

What about that girl? What the hell is a
friendster?

Actually, this cool online thing you
can... Buddy Steven goes on and on and

keeps dropping names left, right, and
center. You know, next time, I'm going

pretend I know Gerard Depardieu. All
right, enough.

They're nice people. They were just
having a little fun.

Whatever.

Relax.

They're just not used to wholesome...

Midwestern types like you.

You mean wholesome Midwestern types like
us, right?

Is there a problem?

No, no problem.

Everything's great. Everything's fine.

Mm -hmm.

Well, if there's nothing for us to talk
about, get ready for bed.

supposed to move

so

the question is does jennifer think
about me the way i think about her my

experience that's usually pretty obvious
yeah like man but when you're in a

wheelchair man i mean when you're in one
of these things man people always give

you that smiley wheelchair face you know
right be so much easier if i could just

look at people and know what's going on
inside their head

Was a bullfrog dinner and was a good
friend of mine. Hey, never understood

a single word he said, but I helped him
drink his wine.

24 across, Dennis Rodman's ex -wife.

Carmen Electron.

Electra.

Thank you, my reading Eli.

Want to know if I like you?

Stop staring at me like an aardvark and
make your move.

Where the hell did she get oddball from?

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.

Hey, joy to you and me.

So, did you make your move?

Yes, I did.

Hey, Jennifer.

Hey, listen. It's around suppertime. I
was wondering if you'd like to go get

something to eat.

Oh, I was supposed to meet a friend
tonight.

It's all right. It's all right. No
problem. No, let me just call and tell

can't make it.

Nicely done, Eli.

Yeah, very smooth.

Was anybody talking to you? No? So you
might as well get on out of here because

it's a private conversation.

Thank you.

Can't stand that dude, man.

Which brings us to the next morning.

So, how long have you been a custodian?

Two years.

And what did you do prior to that?

Investment banking.

I was downsized when the market went
south.

Really? Oh.

Nah. Just yanking your noodle.

That was a dishwasher with chilies.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. All right. Okay, well, thank
you for coming in, and we'll be in

Thank you.

Next one, Eunice.

Bill, what are you doing here?

I want the job.

You want to be the night janitor? No, I
want to be the star of Becker, but I

don't think Ted Danson's going anywhere
anytime soon.

You've already got a job. I know. I need
another one. I've got to support my

eBay habit.

What's a guy like you buy on eBay?

Mostly pants.

Used pants.

Huh. I can't hire you. Why not?

Because you're irresponsible and
extremely annoying.

Yeah, but in a funny way, right?

I've never thought so.

Oh, come on. Give me a chance here. I
won't let you down.

Not until it's too late.

A week went by.

Then it was Carol's turn to visit. After
the way things had gone in New York, I

was pretty nervous about it.

Listen, friend, where do you think I
should take Carol? I mean, I really want

show her a good time. Hang on, check
this out.

Watch this. Willie Butch, down, down.

Oh, you see that? That instantaneous
response. Come on, Lefty, this is

important.

So is this. Two weeks ago, Willie Butch
wouldn't listen to a word I said. Now

it's like I'm Dr.

Doolittle. I'm telling you, this guy we
took him to really straightened him out.

Well, that's great, Hulk. Really, it is.
But what about Carol?

I don't know.

Sure.

Should I figure something out?

There's no reason to feel... down.

He's a furry little genius.

You're a furry little genius.

So I came up with this perfect plan for
me and Carol. A little hike and then an

early dinner at this cool little
mountain lodge. It never happened.

Why not?

Well... Hello.

Hey, Carol, you... Hey.

Hey, man. You remember Steven?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm doing a piece on New York.

For the thuggy villain who came along to
take some pictures.

Is that right?

This place is unreal, man.

I gotta shoot some stuff here.

Be my guest.

It's okay, isn't it? Totally spur of the
moment.

Oh, yeah, it's fine.

Great.

So it's nice to... Oh, my God, look at
those guys.

They're like...

That is a great shot.

Be respectful, though. That's all right.
You know, these guys are great, great

guys, and they're regular customers. No,
totally. I just want to get a flavor of

the place.

Okay.

Whoa, check out the rollers.

Well, yeah, rollers. Well, you know,
yeah, people are just doing more casual

down here. That's all. Yeah, no, I think
it's great.

You know, there's a street fair in town.
Why don't we go check it out? Good

idea.

Just one second.

I think I just found our cover photo.

Hey, just...

Leave Shirley out of this, okay?

What's the problem, bro? No problem.
Everything's fine. Are we done here?

What did I do? Nothing.

Let's go check out the street fair.

Good idea. Want to come?

No, you know what? I'm fine. I've got a
lot of work to do. I'm going to do that

work. You sure? Yeah, absolutely sure.
You know what? I'll meet you for dinner

later. Later, Stephen. All right, man.

Sorry about the weirdness.

Bye.

So, how'd the rest of Carol's visit go?

Well, later that night, after the
Stephen fiasco, I met her back at my

And what happened?

I went nuts.

Hey, Cal.

Yeah, I'm in here.

So where's Stephen?

He checked into the Stuckyville Inn.

Good. So what are you in the mood for
tonight? You want to try that little

Pakistani place or that Persian thing or
the... Oh, I thought we were going out

to dinner.

I know, we were, but I got tired of
waiting, so I microwaved a pizza. Sorry.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, sure, fine.

Got all your work done?

Carol, you and I both know that work
thing is just an excuse.

Oh, so we stopped being passive
-aggressive with each other. Awesome.

Sorry, Carol, but you know that Steven
guy was just really bugging me. I mean,

know he's your friend and all, but God,
what a New York snob.

He's not a New York snob. He's an
ordinary guy. He's from Iowa, for God's

He's only been in New York like six
months.

Yeah, you only lived in New York one
month. Look at you. What?

What does that mean? You know what it
means. Look at you. I mean, look at you

with the clothes and the camisole and
the hair, and I don't even... Well,

changed. You've changed.

Whoa, this whole conversation just took
a wrong turn in Albuquerque.

It's true. You know it's true.

What's true? That I bought, like, two
new outfits?

Clothes make the man, Carol. The clothes
make the man. Ed, I think you're having

some kind of panic attack. Do you hear
yourself?

You sound like a crazy person.

I sound like a...

I sound like a crazy person?

Listen to how you sound. Listen to how
you sound. You picked up a New York

accent. You've got to be joking. You are
joking, aren't you? You've got to be

joking. You're joking, aren't you?

That's not even a New York accent. You
sound like Ted Kennedy. Whatever. I give

up.

Is this the way it's going to be?

What the way it's going to be?

A relationship.

Me in New York, you in Stuckyville,
hours on the phone in a lonely bedroom,

weekends packed with guilt and anxiety.

What are you saying?

What are you saying?

I'm not saying anything.

I'm asking, is this the way it's going
to be? I don't know.

And the next night I was working late
and I heard this kind of strange sound

coming from down the hallway.

Molly, Molly, Molly, don't you ever go
home?

This is my home. It's also a high
school, not a butt -sliding emporium.

It's just soap and water. Don't worry.
The sliding contributes to the cleansing

process. Whatever, Jesus.

Stop screwing around and mop it up.

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, before I do, you want to go?

What?

You want to ride the serpent?

You refer to sliding down this hallway
on your ass as riding the serpent?

Only when I'm trying to sell the
concept.

And what makes you think that I would
possibly want to do that? The fact that

you're sitting alone in a high school
principal's office at 10 o 'clock at

night, bored out of your pretty little
skull?

So then we were at the goat, Jennifer
and I, right? For her, it was just a

dinner. For me, it was my first date
since my accident.

Were you nervous?

Nah, nah. I was cool.

How's your fish, baby?

You calling me baby now?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just inquiring
as to the status of your seafood entree.

Oh, I see.

Very good. Thank you.

Good, good.

Let me ask you something.

Why I never hear you talk about your
boyfriend?

Because I don't have one. I dumped him
two months ago.

Really? What happened?

He turned out to be a loser.

Spent all his time making audition tapes
for reality shows. Are you serious?

Yeah. Survivor came on. He's like, I'm
going to be the next Jervis.

Bachelorette came on. He's like, they
got to have a black bachelor.

Everybody knows Shane can't marry no
black dude, but they got to have one

for appearances.

So why'd you go out with him in the
first place?

I don't know.

I guess because he was 6 '4 and looked
like Rick Fox.

Yeah, I guess that's a good enough
reason.

So how tall are you anyway?

What's that?

I'm just curious. I mean, I've known you
for a while now, but I've got no idea

how tall you are. Because every time you
see me, I'm sitting down like my man

Peter Jennings.

So, how tall are you?

7 '3", baby.

7 '3". So stupid.

So after dinner, you took her to the
pool for a little underwater dance city

dance. No, no, no. We didn't get to the
pool yet. I myself have never

experienced a woman in a pool.

Irene does not go in for that type of
thing. Like, we didn't get to the pool

yet. One time in the Bahamas, we almost
got busy in the shower, but she got some

of that Australian three -minute miracle
conditioning in her eye, and that was

it. Miracle over.

I say, bastards.

Go on, go on. Will you let me get to the
night we went to the pool? Speak, my

brother.

Ass sore? Because my ass is sore.

That is surely the first time that
sentence has been uttered in this

hope. Seriously, is your ass sore?
Because I myself feel like I lost a

bullfight. You want to see me?

Yeah, I wanted to say thanks.

For what? I don't know if you know this,
but my love life has recently imploded.

Or maybe it exploded. I think it
actually simultaneously imploded and

You know, I have an excellent cream for
that.

Phil. I'm sorry.

I cannot stop being obnoxious to you all
at once. Anyways, I've really been

feeling kind of down lately, and that
stupid sliding around the whole thing

really cheered me up. Humans cannot be
sad while sliding around on a soapy

hallway. That is just, that's in the
hard wiring.

Hmm.

Hello.

Uh, Mr. Emerson.

Yes, sir, I... Uh -huh.

Yes, sir.

Well, tender.

It wasn't good, was it? The phone call
in the middle of the day from the

superintendent of schools ever good? No.
No.

He told me I had to fire Phil, that all
the teachers were complaining that he

wasn't cleaning the school properly.

Yes. Oh, well, Mr. Emerson, I... Okay.

Yes, sir.

Yes, I will take care of it.

So that night we were all hanging out at
Stucky Bowl.

Everyone was laughing, having a good
time.

Well, except me and Carol. You know,
things were still a little bit awkward

between us, so I thought I needed to do
something drastic, you know, to save the

evening, the weekend, possibly the
relationship.

Hey, Mike?

Yes, Skippy?

I do believe it's time to appease the
aquatic gods.

Oh, man, you've got to be kidding me,
man. No, friend, I am not. I do believe

is time to appease the aquatic gods.

No. What the hell are you two inbreds
talking about?

So, back in high school, Mike and I had
this tradition. Whenever one of us would

utter the words, I believe it's time to
appease the aquatic gods, then we had to

drop whatever we were doing, no matter
what time of day it was, break into the

town pool and go swimming.

This was back in high school?

Yeah, we were very cool.

And by cool, you mean nerds. Exactly.

going swimming.

It's November.

All going swimming indoors.

Stuckyville Community Center. Come on, y
'all. Let's hit the pool.

Question?

I don't have a bathing suit.

Yes, you do. Matter of fact, you all
have suits. And you know why? Because it

just so happens that Stuckyville counts
for the latest in fashionable swimwear.

Woo! T -shirts and shorts for everybody.

Come on, y 'all. Let's hit the pool.

Woo!

If you're scared of dying, Better

not be scared to live I've been spending
all my

days Giving all I can give Last night I
heard

someone walking Through my bedroom door
What they

wanted I'm not exactly sure A friendly

ghost

It's all I need, a friendly coast.

It's all I need, marking time on a
broken watch.

Counting days till the old pawn shop
sells me back my saxophone.

Then everyone's gonna leave me alone.

The two times I thought I heard someone
knocking on the glass.

I hid my head and prayed that it would
pass.

A friendly ghost is all I need.

A friendly ghost is all I need. A

friendly ghost is all I need.

Sounds like a good time to me.

Oh, come on, man. Let me tell you
something. Then it comes this point in

where I find myself at the edge of the
pool with Jennifer alone.

Deep end or shallow end? What difference
does it make? I like to create a mental

picture. Shallow.

Gotcha.

You know, you should take that T -shirt
off in the pool.

Really? Now, why is that?

Because the chlorine will make the ink
run.

Is that right?

Yeah. I'm just thinking of pool safety.

I mean, you know, a lot of kids from in
this pool ain't getting to the system.

Next thing you know, kids be coming down
with all kind of ink related diseases

and stuff.

So I should take off my shirt for the
kids.

Yes.

I mean, the children are our future.

That was unexpected.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to... No, no, no. No, it
ain't that. It's just that I'm... I'm...

I'm gonna get going.

No, wait.

But... But... I know. I know. You were
kissing a beautiful woman in a pool and

you stopped?

I know. That's like a cardinal rule
you've broken there. If you're kissing a

beautiful woman in a pool, you do not
stop.

I mean, maybe if someone in the pool is
drowning, but even still, you're well

within your rights to let someone else
deal with that at that particular

I know, man. I can't explain it myself,
man.

Well, you're going to make things right
and ask her out, right? Oh, no. Come on,

man. She ain't ready for that. She sure
seemed ready when she was all kissing on

you. She just don't know what she's
signing on for. That's all. Oh, the hell

doesn't. You think she thinks you're too
lazy to stand up?

Duh. She don't know what she's signing
on for, man. Or is it that you don't

what you're signing up for?

Eli, there are people you can talk to
about this kind of thing.

Yeah, I know.

Well, make sure you do it then.

And talk to Miss Jenny Fair as well. If
she's as cool as you say she is, she'll

understand.

So I decided to just get it over with,
you know?

I would just tell Phil, this is not my
decision, I hate to do this, but I gotta

let you go. What was I doing all this?
Oh, you were having fun in the pool or

something. So

I

downed my third glass of wine, a little
liquid courage, as the youngins say, and

I find Phil.

Hello, Mr.

Stubbs. Hello, Principal Hudson.

Who was fun, wasn't it?

There was no hall sliding in there, eh?

You like the eyebrows, do you?

It's just so stupid.

Yeah, actually, I have to stop because
I'm getting a cramp in my forehead.

Yeah, you hate to see that.

Yeah.

So there you have it.

I know.

I know.

This is crazy.

I made out with Phil Stubbs.

What was I thinking?

Do you like him? No.

No, it's just one of those crazy things
that happens.

My God, the more I think about this. All
right, calm down.

You know, my life is over.

I mean,

Probably down at Stucky Bowl right now
just announcing this over the PA system.

Well, you gotta talk to him about this.
No, I need to move. Yeah, I hear Phoenix

is nice.

Molly, talk to him. Oh, God, why did I
do this?

Every girl needs a little misbehaving in
her life.

Yeah, but with Phil Stubbs?

There's nothing in the guidance
counselor handbook to answer that

So we finished swimming and it was fun,
you know?

Really fun.

It's like being a kid again.

And then?

And then Carol and I ended up together
at the end of the night.

Swimming was great. I mean, it was fun,
but there was still this underlying

tension between us.

It was fun, huh?

It was fun.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Why didn't you move to New York with me?

And there it was.

The question I couldn't answer.

The question I didn't answer.

And Carol knew I couldn't answer it.

And that's when it all went to hell.

No answer.

Well, what if I asked you why you moved
to New York?

Well, then I would answer that...

staying would have meant passing up an
opportunity that we both agreed was too

big for me to pass up.

Yeah.

At least I have an answer.

Well, I guess it's complicated, Carol.

Maybe it's not. Maybe it's not
complicated at all. Maybe it's really

How's it really obvious?

It all boils down to one simple,
undeniable fact.

Which is? After all the fuss and all the
ballyhoo,

i'm not the one that is not true then
move to new york with me

Why didn't you move to New York with
Carol?

See, there it is. There it is again. A
million -dollar question. Dr. Soper, I'm

sorry to interrupt, but Faith Sweeney is
on the phone for you. She said it's

about Chuck.

I'm sorry. This will just take a minute.
Go ahead.

Faith,

Barney Soper here.

Okay, listen to me.

You have got to take charge of the
situation.

You're the boss, not Chuck.

I want you to take one of the peach
-colored pills I gave you, grind it up

a fine powder and mix it into his food.
He'll be sleeping like a wet noodle in

20 minutes.

Now, when he goes down, put him in the
bathroom and lock the door.

It's the only way you're going to get
him under control right now.

All right?

Let me know.

All right.

I'm sorry for the interruption.

No, I... Yeah, well, yeah, the million
-dollar question... I'm sorry, I don't

mean to private... Is it okay to
secretly medicate Chuck like that? I

know I...

Don't know Chuck, but, uh, I mean,
shouldn't he at least be consulted

you, you know, fill him full of peach
-colored pills and knock him out?

He's a great thing.

Oh, he's, oh.

So you prescribe medication for a
patient's dog?

Technically, Chuck is my patient.

Well, you know I'm a pet psychologist.

You sent me to a dog psychologist?

Oh, so what? The guy's a genius.

Maybe if you've got heartworm. If you
have heartworm, you go see a

This guy really knows how to get inside
a dog's head. Which would be great,

Mike, except for one fact. I'm not a
dog.

Come on, mine's a mine. Look what Dr.
Sober did for Willie Butch. Down.

Down. Down. Oh, instantaneous response.

Okay, Mike.

That's awesome. Dog.

Not a dog. Dog.

Not a dog. Dog.

Not a dog. I am not a dog, Mike.

We're all dog's head.

Somebody's upset because there's a
certain place with a big no dogs allowed

on it.

You know what that place is?

The place is right here in your heart.

What the hell are you talking about?

I don't know.

Hi, it's Carol. Leave a message.

You have reached the offices of Bridge
and Tunnel Magazine.

If you'd like to leave a message for...
Carol Bessie.

Begin speaking.

All

right.

Tell me why you didn't go to New York
with Carol.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

It's okay. We're done.

Thank you so much, Doctor.

My pleasure, Faith. Come on, baby.

Mama's making pot roast.

Chuck?

Actually, Chuck's brother, Randy.

So tell me, oh, great pet psychologist,
why didn't I move to New York with

Carol? Why do you think you didn't go?
No, no, no. That's part of that doctor

stuff. I know how you guys do this, all
right? I want answers, not questions.

Ed, what is Stuckyville to you? That's a
question.

What is Stuckyville? I don't know. It's
a place I came back to and built a new

life for myself. Did you?

Did I what? Did you build a whole new
life here in Stuckyville?

Or did you rebuild your own life in
Stuckyville? Not sure I understand.

I mean, think about it.

The bowling alley was a place you were
happy in when you were 17.

Mike and Nancy were your friends when
you were 17.

Carol was the girl you wanted when you
were 17.

Stuckyville is a nice, soft cocoon of
when you were 17.

Yeah, but Carol's a very large part of
that. So if she's in New York, then why

can't I... Well, yeah, 17 -year -old
Carol fits into the cocoon.

Present day Carol in Stuckyville even
fits in the cocoon.

But to follow Carol to New York, that
doesn't fit in the cocoon.

Why not?

Because there's only one reason to move
to New York with Carol.

To marry her.

I don't have a problem marrying Carol. I
love Carol.

I know you love Carol.

But you love being 17 even more. Well,
that's not true.

When things got bad with Carol...

What did you try to do to fix them?

You got everyone to sneak into the
Stuckyville Community Center pool, just

you did when you were 17.

Maybe it's time to move forward, Ed.

Hey there.

The bank forms arrived for our business
loans. I started filling them out, but

there's some stuff you should look at.

Yeah.

Uh, Jenna.

Yeah?

I hope this bank loan works out.

Right.

It'll be real good for the company.

Really would.

Hey, man.

Hey, Maul.

Maul?

Think I've earned it?

Listen, you busy on Saturday night?

Got my own table at the ground round.
Okay, okay, okay, okay. We have to talk,

okay? They're just... They can't...

Be a future for us, okay? There just...
There can't be.

What? I was just holding court in the
teacher's lounge.

Baby, we're a couple of the year. That
physics teacher dude was so impressed,

gave me a pulley.

This can't be happening. This just can't
be happening.

Relax. It isn't.

What? I was kidding.

So, you haven't told anybody about us?

No. Oh, thank God.

That's...

Two things.

One, I quit. The sexual tension would
destroy us both.

And two?

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Listen, if you ever want to do it, just
call me at Stucky Bowl. Phil. Yeah.

You had a classy exit.

Okay, but seriously, I really think I'm
emotionally capable of having a purely

physical relationship.

Goodbye, Phil.

Yeah.

1916.

What's on your mind, Bubba?

I'm kind of thinking about everything at
once. You ever, 2016, do that?

Sometimes I imagine eating all the
different breakfast at Denny's all at

2017.

2018.

I just think that this pet psychologist
might be right about me not wanting to

grow up, you know?

2019. Yeah, I'm thinking of you. You got
a wife and kids, and what do I got? I

mean, I'm just spending all my time in
the same bowling alley we used to hang

out when I was 17.

I need 21 by 2. The very idea of
scrapping my life in Stuckyville and

New York City is pretty damn scary. 21
by 20.

But mostly, I'm thinking about this tiny
black line that Carol has in the iris

of her left eye.

It's really small.

It's right down there at 7 o 'clock down
there.

You've got to be up really, really close
just to see it.

Man.

And I don't think I can live without
that.

And?

And so I'm going to move to New York
City and ask our bestie to marry me.

What?

Are you serious?

Congratulations,

my friend. Thank you.

Woo!

Oh, man.

Wow.

Wow. Should have made that last shot.
Yeah. Well, how great would that have

been? Yeah, I'm going to move to New
York City and boom, I'm going to Matt

investing. Game over, 22 -20. Oh, 21
-21.

We're going to be here all night.

You might as well enjoy your last few
days of freedom. Yeah, I'm going to

LA Roo for you.

Speed games. Oh, shoot.

One, two, one, two, one, two.

That's it, that goes, that goes.

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