Original subtitles

Bastards. Why didn't the press leave Jacko alone? They act like it's a crime

be different.

Hey, Bob, Severnson's leaving town.

You changing the subject? Trying.

It's a bright, shiny diamond of a world out there, Ed. Wouldn't hurt us to

consider a facet outside our own community every once in a while. Jacko,

a facet you're going to consider? Small facet for random, but probably a

fascinating one nonetheless.

Hey,

it says here Severnson's going to sell his horses.

Jacko likes horses.

Even has his own zoo.

Racehorses.

Don't tell me you forgot the dream.

I'm dreaming many dreams, Ed. The dream we've shared since that crisp autumn day

when our fathers first took us to the Jaffa Park racetrack to see our very

horse race. So fuzzy.

The dream, Mike.

The dream of owning a racehorse. The dream of getting our picture taken in

winner's circle with a bottle of champagne and a wreath of flowers around

neck. Oh, yeah. I forgot all about that dream.

Horse races, Mike.

Horse races.

Sportacanes. Actually, proles and sportacanes. Oh, boy.

Hold on. We don't have much time here. It says they're going to auction the

horses tomorrow.

Are you really serious about this? Absolutely, I'm serious. A chance to

dream, my friend.

I got a horse right here. The name is Paul Revere. Come on, Mike. Thank you.

here's the guy that says, if the weather's clear... You gonna leave me

here?

You're comfortable leaving me hanging here?

Can do. Can do.

Can do.

I can keep by your side

Shirley, oh, listen, if anyone calls, I'm going to be busy for a while. I've

to see a man about a horse.

You'll find them sparkling green, sanitized for your protection.

What?

Bathroom. What?

Oh,

no, no, Shirley, I don't have to... I mean, I'm not... I quite literally need

see a man about a horse.

Shall I slip the phone messages under the door?

That would be very nice, thank you.

One more time.

Tell me I'm not doing something stupid here. Do I get to be in the winner's

circle with you when you win? Holding the champagne.

Then you're not doing anything stupid.

Thanks.

Come on, I'll drop you at school.

It's just a number. Well, two numbers, verbal and mad, adding up to one.

Can we please talk about something else?

That bad, huh?

It's not my fault. I think these are culturally biased. Everyone knows that.

Yeah, in your favor.

Road rallies to cars, regattas to... What?

I'm supposed to know this? What do I look like? Someone who goes to regattas?

I look like P. Diddy?

Boat, dumbass. The answer is boat. And you don't have to be puffed at it. You

just have to read.

Oh, well, excuse me, Mr. Genius.

Looks like you got all the answers, huh?

What is this?

Well, you better be choking.

Let me tell you something. Because your boy losing weight, don't give you the

license to come in here with that bulimic crap.

Pie going in your mouth, pie staying in your mouth. My guess, my man. You try

it. Now, consider yourself fortunate I don't sue this establishment for

offending my delicate palate with that putrid pie.

Delicate palate? Putrid pie? Excellent verbal skills. Must have been the math

that did you in.

Putrid, you say?

Hey, Charlie!

Why, nothing wrong with that pie. Actually, putrid is an apt description.

I'm merely enjoying the pleasing soupy texture.

Little Miss Pie lady got some explaining to do. Oh, man, you should have said

splaining like Ricky Ricardo, man. People love that.

I'm humbled.

You spend your whole life wondering where certain expressions come from.

Then one day you're blessed and you see with your own eyes.

See you like a racehorse.

A different expression of mine. I know.

Come on, let's keep moving. We're looking for a filly.

How long have you been a lunch lady here at Stuckyville High?

23 years. 23 years? Then surely you must know what kind of meat they use in

those... Warren, what are you doing?

Keeping my mind occupied so I don't slip into a cesspool of self -pity.

You know, Warren, I'm teaching an SAT prep class. You can take them again.

What makes you think I'm bummed about the SATs? Well, Ms. Burton told me how

did. Oh, God, my life is over.

So unfair!

One stupid test and I'm roadkill on the highway of natural selection.

You realize my entire future now is nothing more than the barren expanse of

minimum wage jobs and reality TV.

All leading to my eventual extinction.

Warren.

Warren.

Listen to me.

You're going to take the test again and you're going to be fine. Fine?

I got news for you, Miss Fessy. Fine doesn't exactly cut it in today's

competitive collegiate environment. You have to be like...

Exceptional. And you are.

At what?

Something. I'm sure that there's something that interests you, something

enjoy. Let your avocation be your vocation.

Teachers have all the good slogans.

Yeah, perhaps something in the sex trade.

Or not.

What about TV?

You seem to enjoy that.

Uh, sure, but, you know, Stuckyville isn't exactly Vancouver.

That's where they shoot most TV shows. It's in Canada.

Not all of them.

Do you know who Michael Ethany is?

Uh, yeah. Like, the chubby Asian kid who, like, has an awesome Christopher

Walken impression? No. Michael Ethany has his own talk show. He tapes it in

parents' living room in Indiana.

It started when he was 14.

Probably afraid to come out.

My point is that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You just

to dare to dream.

Dare to dream.

That was cliched, wasn't it?

Good horsey. Good horsey.

I think I like this one.

Mike, what are hawks?

You're supposed to check the hawks.

I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian. Yeah, we've got to check the hawks, though. I

think hawks have got something to do with either balance or intelligence.

Want me to go back and ask me that again? Ask you what?

You know about the hawks?

Mike, what are hawks? Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian.

I was doing bones from Star Trek.

Probably not worth going back for.

Probably not.

Dr. Burton, is that you?

Hey, Mr.

Severson, how are you? You remember my friend, Ed?

Of course.

Hey, Mr. Severson, good to see you.

Oh, the market for a horse. We are, as a matter of fact.

Look no farther.

What, really? This right here?

She's special.

In fact, with a little effort, she could be ready to run this week.

This week? Wow, that'd be fantastic.

Good luck to you, sir. Thank you, Mr. Severson. Okay, take care, Mr. Severson.

Did you hear that? Yeah.

We should ask him what a hawk is. Forget hawks. We got ourselves a horse.

Yeah, as long as nobody outbids us.

Miss Jennifer, Miss Jennifer.

Wait a minute, hold it. I know you're not going there selling them three itty

-bitty pies.

Not after you told me you're only selling them in what?

Increments of a hundred? I make exceptions for some of my preferred

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Little dig, little dig. I know. You're just trying to say,

oh, Eli's not a preferred customer. I know.

What can I do for you, Eli?

You can take back those pies you sold me. Now, why in the world would I want

do that?

Because they all went bad.

Of course they went bad. They're pies, Eli.

Pies don't last forever.

Yeah, but you sold me 100 pies.

You told me freeze them, thaw them, sell them. As long as you do it by the

expiration date.

Wait, wait, wait, hold up.

Expiration date? You didn't say anything about no expiration date.

It's right there, on every box.

Okay, I'll tell you what. You got two choices. One, you take back the pies, or

two, you face the unmitigated wrath of Eli Cartwright Goggins III.

I'm sorry.

A competent salesman would have had those pies sold by now.

Okay, get ready to face the unmitigated wrath of Eli Cartwright Goggins III,

shorty.

Wait, did you hear what I said?

You about to face some wrath.

You want some serious wrath.

Some serious wrath.

My first guest tonight is one of the most inventive and hilarious performers

recent memory. Good God.

How did this guy get his own show?

I think he's funny. The incomparable Mr.

Tom Green. The incomparable Mr. Tom Green.

Because I've put so much into this, I have not had time to do most ordinary

things. What ordinary things?

Like kissing a girl.

Look at this. It's a stick.

It's not like I've got a lot of offers for dates and things.

Oh, he's so lame.

If he could do this, I wonder what I could do.

Remember this night, Mark.

This is the night that I, Warren Cheswick, shall dare to dream.

Okay, what are you babbling about?

Miss Bessie said I could accomplish anything I put my mind to.

She's absolutely right.

This can't be going anyplace good.

Warren! You missed my SAT prep class. You're a genius.

Oh, why?

Michael left me to show me my destiny.

Oh, you saw it. I'm glad.

I am going to be the voice of my generation.

It's quite some destiny.

And it's less daunting if I take it in five -year chunks. So first I get my own

talk show, then, you know, work on my stand -up act, take a few film roles, of

course, and then I'm going to have to form my own production company so I can

develop my own material, then introduce my own perfume line, and soon I'm a

personality. Oh, you're going to be a very busy young man.

I still expect to see you at my next SAT prep class. Are we going to retake the

SATs? Why not?

Why in the world would I do that? I don't know. Maybe because you want to

into a better college.

That puts me four years behind schedule.

I'm not going to college.

Come here, you.

I really want this horse, Mike. 100 % with you, buddy. But there also has to

a limit on what we're willing to spend. Right. So give me a number. $3 ,000. You

can't buy a horse for $3 ,000.

All right, $3 ,500.

These are thoroughbred racehorses, Mike. What, $4 ,000?

Are you delirious? $4 ,000 will be laughed out of the auction. How much do

want to spend, Ed?

$4 ,500.

All right, not a penny more. Agreed. Sorry, good morning. $8 ,000 I have.

story are you for the hat?

$3 ,795.

No way. $8 ,000.

Going one.

$8 ,000 going twice.

Sold to this young lady for $8 ,000.

Buyer number 10.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, next lot number is lot number four. Two -year

-old, beautiful... There she is, Mike. That's our horse.

I really think I should be the one controlling the paddle.

Why?

I'm a doctor.

Let's start at $5 ,000.

I have a bid of $5 ,000.

$5 ,000, $55 ,000, $55 ,000, $55 ,000, I have there. $5 ,000, I have $6 ,000

there. $6 ,000, I have $6 ,500 now. $6 ,500, give me the $7 ,000. I got $7 ,000

there. $7 ,000 now, give me the $7 ,500. I got $75 for a man and a quarter

right. $75, give me the $8 ,000, give me the $8 ,000, give me the $8 ,000. I got

$75 now. $8 ,000 I have now. Give me $85, $85, $85, $85, I have a man and a

quarter right. $9 ,000. Michael, I think we should go to $10 ,000. Are you

crazy? I'm asking you to give me authorization to bid. No.

Come on, authorize me. No,

I got $13 ,000.

I have $13 ,000 going once.

I got $13 ,500 from the man in the quarter right. $13 ,500 now. Hey, what

you doing?

I'm saving us a lot of money. Mike, we can take this guy. I don't know what

sense is. You're being ridiculous.

$20 ,000 for $13 ,500. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

$13 ,500 going once.

$13 ,500 going twice.

Right here.

I got $14 ,000.

$14 ,000 going once, twice.

Let's go for $14 ,000.

I still like being smirked at by a man wearing corduroy.

Hi, Nan.

Hey, Miles, you want to see me? Yeah, come on in.

Listen, Warren Cheswick's parents called me. Me too. Oh, God. They're not happy.

They said that you told them not to go to college?

That is so nuts. I told Warren about a kid who's got his own talk show, and the

next thing I know, Warren tells me that he doesn't want to go to college.

That's just Warren being Warren. Well, he's already gone to the local public

access station. He's shooting a pilot with them.

Don't worry.

I've got it covered. He will retake the SATs. He will go to college.

All right. Great.

All right. Welcome back.

For those of you just joining us, get a life.

How's my makeup? You look like George Hamilton's old sister.

My first guest is someone all of you fans of rental shoes will surely

He's the manager of Stucky Bowl. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Phil. Lauren, we need

to talk.

You're a security?

Well, look at this. A surprise walk -on guest.

Wonderful. This is Stucky Bowl High's own Miss Carol Bessie.

Can we turn the cameras off, please?

Sorry, we can't. We're live to tape.

It's more spontaneous this way, right? In that case, fine. I've got something

promote. Oh, terrific.

Wonderful. A film? A book? What?

College, Warren. You need to go to college.

Oh, I disagree.

Why? Well, college isn't for everybody. You know, for some people, like LeBron

James and me, it's simply an unnecessary detour on the road to fame and fortune.

Really? I wasn't aware that you've been drafted by the NBA.

Oh, easy there, Ellen DeGeneres.

Why don't you leave the jokes to me?

But seriously, no, college isn't something that I need.

I know what I want to do with my life, and clearly I'm doing it. A talk show?

Yeah, just a stepping stone.

Like you said, dare to dream.

Yeah, but isn't it possible to dream and still go to college?

I don't know. You tell me.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, your dream was to be a writer, right?

Yeah, Warren, this isn't about me. You went to college, got a degree in

education.

Huh, you became a teacher. I did. I became a teacher, but that doesn't mean

can't also write.

Yeah, but have you?

I mean, have you really?

What if instead of spending those four years on, like, sorority socials,

intramural sports, you know, math, foreign languages, lab experiments, what

you would spend them totally focused on writing?

Totally focused on the one thing that mattered most to you.

I got bumped for this crap.

And maybe I'll suck at this talk show thing. I don't know, but...

I'm not going to play it safe.

I'm not going to look back ten years from now and wonder what would have

happened if I had just given it everything I had.

That's about all the time we have. I want to... What do you think of the

Carol and Ed and Nancy and Mike.

I like it. Yeah, me too.

I just think how great the sound of the track and down the stretch they come

with Carol and Nancy and Mike can lead by two lengths.

That's what you want to do now?

Well, I can't keep her here.

Oh, I guess not.

Hi. Three, please.

So, how'd it go with Warren?

You know, I never thought he'd say this, but he actually makes a compelling

argument. Yeah, but you being older and wiser made a more compelling one.

Uh, actually, no.

Carol, I should have gone with you.

What? Look, he knows what he wants to do. How many college kids can say that?

College kids that have degrees to fall back on? He can go later. He doesn't

a degree right now. Okay, Carol, stop.

You're seeing the world through Warren's eyes, and you're starting to scare me.

Yeah, you're scaring me a little, too. I'm just saying...

Can we allow that college isn't the only option? The Cheswicks are counting on

me. I told them I would handle this.

I can't make Warren go to college.

Yeah, well, it doesn't seem like you tried too hard.

I can't believe it. They're both intelligent, well -educated women. How

they not even entertain another option?

You think I've lost my mind? At least my mind is open, right?

Ray. I thought a teacher's job was to encourage her student to think, problem

solve, prepare for the rest of their lives, not just for college.

Who's to say that Warren will make an excellent talk show host? Did you know

that Peter Jennings is a high school dropout?

Ed. Yeah.

You're not listening to me.

Peter Jennings, I heard every word. Yeah, but you're not saying much. Not

to say. It looks like you're pretty much covered.

Don't you agree?

Yeah, of course.

Do you? Or are you just not disagreeing?

What's the matter? Are you okay?

I don't know. She seems kind of restless.

Huh.

Maybe she's got to take a leak.

Yeah, just let it go, baby.

What? No, Mike.

What? She gave you a drain right there.

Yeah, I don't want to do that. I don't want a horse believing itself in my...

What?

So what do we do?

So I think Carol's making a big mistake with Warren. Oh, the college thing?

Yeah, the whole college thing, you know? I want to tell her that she's wrong,

but I know that's the last thing she wants to hear. So lie to her.

Can't lie to her. Anyway, what kind of relationship is that? I'm not going to

lie. I'm not going to do it.

I hope you're ready to duck and cover.

Speaking of which, looks like this is it.

We're going to need a bigger bag.

Carol, what's up?

Cheswick's are in my office.

They're requesting a meeting with the school board.

Oh, that's crazy. I hope you told them that I didn't have... No, I told them

that you would talk to Warren and you would tell him that he needs to go to

college.

Let's go.

When you look at me, what do you see?

A concerned father.

Wrong.

You have before you a tree trunk.

With branches.

I don't understand.

Well, you know the expression, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Of

course. Well, I'm the tree.

Warren is the apple.

Huh. You see, I don't blame Warren for who he is.

It's not his fault. His limitations, they're mine.

His mediocrities, mine also. If left to his own devices, Warren would have

little chance of becoming anything more than another version of me.

A tree.

Mrs. Jeswick, you can't possibly feel the same way.

Okay.

Perhaps you should tell Miss Bessie what she can do to help you.

We think it's important for Warren to go to college.

It's his best hope for becoming more than simply the sum of his parents.

Okay. Well, since you spoke with him, he's become convinced that he's better

with this little circus act that he's trying to put together. It's a TV show.

Like there's a difference.

Okay, I think that this is just a simple misunderstanding.

Miss Bessie, why don't you have a talk with Warren?

thing for him. He'll listen to you, Miss Fessy.

You have no idea how much he respects your opinion.

You're right.

Warren would listen to me.

And that's why I can't do it. I'm sorry. It's just not my decision to make. It's

Warren's. So sorry.

Thank you for taking the time to see us.

We'll see you at the school board hearing.

Would it really have been that hard to give them what they wanted?

No.

I know it would have been easy, but the easy thing isn't always the right thing.

Well, I hope that that's true because what I have to do isn't easy at all.

What's that?

Carol, you're suspended.

Just go home until the school board decides how to handle this. You're not

serious.

So what do you think? I think it's going to be stupid.

Come on, it'll be fun.

No, it won't be stupid.

It'll be stupid fun.

Come on, don't you want to see what it's like?

Morons.

Hey, Harley.

We were just checking track conditions.

It's going.

Oh, well, we were hoping to stick it around. That's cool.

Going. It's the technical term for track condition.

Oh, yeah, of course you did. No, I was just playing with you.

I wasn't playing, I admit it.

Please look at Ed now.

I got your receipts.

Thanks.

We'll just...

$400

for horseshoes? That's ridiculous, man. What are they? What's an expensive shoe?

Prada? Yeah, what are they, Prada horseshoes?

No, they're not Prada horseshoes, Mike. All right, the shoes, a horse needs

shoes, all right? I'd like a massage.

$200 for a massage?

Why in the world would you get a horse a massage?

Racehorse is a fine -toothed athlete, Ed. Athletes require the occasional

massage. It's no secret.

Leon Spinks had a number of massages.

Leon Spinks?

Leon Spinks.

I don't want to argue with you, Mike, okay? We're partners, though. We should

least discuss how we're going to spend the money before we actually spend it.

Yeah.

What else we got?

We got $160 for tape and wrappings, $580 for stall fees, $650 for training,

$375 for feed, vitamins, and injections.

We haven't hired a jockey yet. Who knows how much that'll be?

How come I never see your checkbook?

Nature keeps it.

Good afternoon, my good sir. I'm selling Eli's pies.

These are the most delicious pies on both sides of the Mississippi.

Sorry, I have all the pies I need.

Wait, sir, may I ask you who you get your pies from?

A woman named Jennifer Young.

Jennifer Young.

Beautiful woman.

Terrific lady. You know something?

I can't even compete with that. Her pies are amazing. Yes, they are. She should

rebound well.

Rebound? Rebound from what?

You didn't hear about what?

The incident. What incident?

You didn't hear about the...

You know what? I don't even want to talk because I don't want to put that woman

business in the street like that. Just tell me what you're talking about.

Our pies killed the man.

What? See? See?

I'm just trying to tell you what happened, man. Yeah.

Father of seven. He was a dentist.

Very beloved in the community.

Terrible. How?

Well, something about the blueberries in our pies. Some type of bacteria.

Streptoloka. Coca.

Loka. Coca. Loka.

Streptoloka. Coca. Loka. Something like that. I don't know.

Well, she should be fine, because I don't think the family's trying to sue

Have a good day, sir.

Uh, wait a minute.

Let me try one of your pies.

Isn't this great?

Yeah. Yeah, well, you pictured it, your dream. Yeah, pretty much, pretty much.

Of course, in a dream, I picture it without the smell of vision.

There's a whole new dimension, you know?

Yeah.

So this is a nice surprise. You at the track in the middle of the day?

Yeah, I got suspended today.

What? Why?

Because the Cheswicks went over Molly's head and they requested a hearing at the

school board.

Requested a hearing at the school board? Oh, man. Hey, listen, I'm sorry.

If there's any... Well, I know a good lawyer if you need one.

Thank you. I hope it doesn't have to come to that, though. There's still a

chance it could all go away.

Why do you say that?

Well, Warren still has to show his pilot to the people at the public access

station, and if they don't go for it, his bubble could burst right there.

That would certainly make it easier.

Easier?

For you. Then Warren could go to college.

But I want Warren to have what he wants, just like I want for you.

Right.

Right.

Am I keeping you from something?

What? No, I was just going to go get Mike because we're supposed to go back

Stucky Bowl and interview some jockeys, but it's okay. He can do it without me.

Go ahead. I'm fine.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Really? I can... Okay.

No, Phil.

Bosco. You're too heavy. No, I'm actually deceptively light. I have the

structure of a bird.

What? Hollow bones.

No. Shut up, Lee.

Thanks for putting the word up.

Send the jockeys in one at a time. We do. Oh, and Ed, I'm also a horse

whisperer.

I've never hired a jockey before. What do we ask them?

I have the first diminutive man to see you.

Great. Thank you.

Come on in, Mr. Diaz. Have a seat.

How much do you weigh?

Yeah, how much? How much do you weigh?

809 pounds.

109? 109.

Thanks for coming in.

We'll be in touch.

Miss Vassie!

Hey! Sorry to bother you. So glad I found you. Hi, Mrs. Frank. How are you?

hearing you. Thank you. What is it? Listen, I'm sorry about what happened,

don't worry. All is going to be forgiven as soon as my parents hear the news.

The news?

They're putting me on the air.

My own talk show.

Can you believe that?

Phase one of the five -year plan complete.

Dare to dream.

Thank you, Miss Vassie.

Oh, shoot.

I've got to go.

I have a show to do.

Excuse me.

Just once, I wish someone would leave the guidance office like that.

Excuse me.

Watch your feet.

Back up, man.

Thank you.

Use me.

All right, with all this touching now.

Okay, easy.

Eli? Yeah, that's me.

I'm Simon. My cousin Doug died last year.

Hunting accident.

Oh, damn. I'm sorry to hear that, Simon.

Life's a bitch sometimes, man. What size you at?

Doug and I had a pretty ugly fight the day he died. I need to know that he's

okay. He doesn't blame me.

You bought a tip.

I've never done this before.

Do I sit down?

Do you need to touch me?

If it helps, I have Judge Huntenkamp.

All right, you crazy.

You look like Jeffrey Dahmer in the eyes, and you're freaking me out.

Now, if you don't get out of here, I'm going to call for some backup.

Oh, boy, that's something you ain't hearing.

Something you ain't. Something you miss. You don't want to move?

Get out of here before I run you right over. I ain't playing with you.

What the hell?

Eli.

Eli Calkins.

Yes, that's me.

When I was a little girl, I had a dog named Wuzzy.

I need to know if he's in a happy place.

Ma 'am, listen, I don't know nothing about no dog named Wuzzy. I don't know

what's going on, but you need to get out of here because I got a business to

run. I'm not playing. I get to getting. Go. Go right now. Everybody get.

Get!

You secretive, psychic son of a bitch. I don't know whether to hit you or hug

you.

What the hell? Get over here.

Mac, get off me.

Listen, I had a great aunt who passed over back in aught one, and I'd like to

acknowledge her.

I was wondering if you could somehow get her to tell you where she hid my

collection of Archie comics, because they are worth a small fortune, and I

be more than happy to split any of the proceeds.

Shirley,

what is going on?

Did you see dead people?

Look, that wasn't funny four years ago when the movie first came out, and it

ain't getting any funnier with age.

What movie?

appearing at Stucky World, crossing over with Eli Cartwright, Goggins, and

Third. Marble as Eli gives voice to those who pass beyond into the next

Complimentary pie will be served.

I should probably order more pie.

Where'd you get this? I posted all over the channel.

Okay. I see.

Miss Jennifer strikes back.

Two -player game.

So we found our jockey.

Really? Yeah, found our jockey, so we're all set for the big race tomorrow.

That's great.

I wish I could be there.

You getting ready for the hearing?

Yep.

Yeah, listen, Carol, if there's anything I can do, seriously, I'd be glad to...

No, I don't think there is, since you obviously think I'm out of my mind.

I don't think you're out of your mind. I just happen to think that if Warren...

Why don't you just admit it? You think I'm wrong about Warren, don't you?

Yes, I do.

You disappoint me, Ed.

Why? Because I disagree with you? Aren't I entitled to my own opinion? No.

No, what disappoints me is you walk around like Mr. Follow -Your -Dream

you wasted some money on a stupid horse. When it comes right down to it, you're

really not that way at all.

Yes, I am. I just happen to think that Warren can follow his dream and still

have something else to fall back on. No, that's just it.

Don't you see? If you follow your dream, you can't leave yourself something to

fall back on. If you leave yourself something to fall back on, you know what

end up doing?

Falling back on it. Giving up, just like I did.

So you're entitled to your opinion. Go walk your whore.

Eli!

This has got to stop.

Lord have mercy.

We done found Jennifer.

Everybody, you heard me. You can stop looking now.

Praise the Lord. Child, you had us mighty worried. You think this is funny?

funny is telling people I talk with dead folks.

Funny is disrupting my place of business. This right here, this is

Listen to me good, Eli.

I'm not going anywhere.

Whatever you dish out is coming right back at you with interest.

Got it?

It's like that?

You know, if my life wasn't already a 24 -7 obligation, I'd take you up on it.

But it is. So now we got to come to some type of compromise.

What did you have in mind?

Just give me back my refund on my pies like I asked you in the first place.

I'll give you a refund on half the pie.

All right, I'll take half, but you're going to make me a preferred customer,

I'm not buying pies in increments of 100.

Deal.

Be around, Eli.

That you will, Jennifer.

That you will.

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Isn't that what Casey Kasem says?

Yes, sir. Every week on the radio and millions of high school students listen

him. Yet, he's not on trial here today.

Miss Bessie, no one is on trial here today. This is merely a theory.

I believe Miss Bessie's right.

Mr. Stevens?

Thank you for recognizing me, your board ship. I wasn't recognizing... I

recognize you, of course, because I know you, but I wasn't... Nonetheless, like

I say, I agree with Ms. Bessie. No one's on trial here today, and yet she's

being judged just the same, isn't she? Why, her very judgment is being judged,

and what's her crime?

Every crime.

Inspiring people to follow their dream, to reach for the stars, to believe the

sky's the limit, or if they choose to be an astronaut, to believe the sky's...

Not the limit. To motivate someone to achieve his or her potential, isn't that

what a teacher is supposed to do? Peter Jennings, the respected anchor, was a

high school dropout.

I don't know if you know that. I knew he was Canadian.

Writers such as Ernest Hemingway, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, they never

to college.

People such as Walt Disney, Eddie Murphy, Wayne Newton didn't go to

Nine U .S. presidents didn't go to college. Now, granted, these are

people. Wayne Lewin. But who's to say that Warren Cheswick won't be an

exceptional talk show host?

Folks, truth of the matter right now is no one knows what the future holds for

Warren Cheswick.

Right now, it's just a dream.

And if dreams are safe, then, well, they're not really dreams, are they?

plans.

Well, Carol Vesey doesn't want to stand in the way of a dream. And I would hope

that you don't either.

Thank you for listening to me.

You missed your race.

We're carried to the goat. We can still catch it on TV.

Thank you for coming here.

You're welcome.

Welcome to the 79th running of the Jasper House.

The horses are coming.

They're just in time. The horses are approaching the post. What are you doing

here? It's the only place in town that carries the races.

I know that, but why aren't you at the track? We're partners. If you're not at

the track, neither am I.

Thanks, brother.

Hey,

there she is, Carol Ann Nancy. What?

Hey, she looks great, right? She looks great, doesn't she?

The jockey look kind of mean.

Yeah, yeah.

It's exciting.

I tell you, Mike, this whole week was not quite what I expected. The whole

ownership thing, you know, all the time, all the money.

A lot of money. A lot of money. A lot of money. I'm telling you, being here

right now with you watching this race, it's all been worth it. Amen, brother.

The flag is up and ready for the start.

And they're off! And it's a good start.

A fast start for Little Momo.

And no Momo can't believe it. The opposition are D .R. Bells and

Harold and Noble.

And Nancy and Mike fading. She drops to the back while Little Momo opens it up.

And Little Momo leads the charge while Golden Gear catches Carol and Nancy and

Mike. Carol and Nancy and Mike can see them all.

What is that thing doing?

Come on.

Why is Carolyn and Nancy Mike stopping? She's not stopping. All the other horses

are actually running.

Carolyn and Nancy and Mike dropping her into last place.

But wait, Carol and Ed, Nancy and Mike is making a move on the back rail. She's

gaining momentum.

Oh, look at that horse run.

She's flying down the track, ladies and gentlemen. Carol and Ed, Nancy and Mike

is passing Golden Gale. She's passing Brendan and Trevor.

She's reeling in the leaders along the far rail. And ladies and gentlemen, we

have ourselves a horse race.

And down the stretch they come.

And Lil' Momo, who once had this race shot to bits, is in a fight for her

And it's anyone's race as they flash to the finish. Oh, thundering hooves and

cracking whips. And at the finish, it's... Lil'

Momo! Dina Rebellious and Noble de Noble win play show. Carol and Ed and Nancy

might finish in sixth out of seven. Too bad.

Sell the horse? Sell the horse.

Carol!

Great news. I already found a buyer for Carol and Ed and Nancy and Mike, so

we... What have we here?

Ed Stevens, would you kindly step into the winner's circle and collect your

prize?

We came in sixth.

Do you want your prize or don't you?

Definitely want the prize.

Thank you so much for coming today. You have no idea how much that meant to me.

Listen, I might not always agree with you, but I will always be with you.

And I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out.

Well, it's how you finish the race that matters.

And that makes you... I

almost forgot.

We're in shows on.

Wait.

What about my prize?

You've got to read the flowers. You were expecting something more.

Yeah, I thought... My apologies to those of you joining us this evening to see

Roger Lodge, the ubiquitous host of TV's Blind Date. I've been informed that Mr.

Lodge will not be with us this evening.

Seems I've become a victim of the late -night talk show booking wars.

Please join me in welcoming my first guest.

He's been kind enough to step in on very short notice.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Fist.

Ah, hello, Warren.

Thank you for having me.

Mr. Fist, please, thank you for being here. He's doing senior winces. Can he

even do senior winces?

Do you know what senior winces is?

Good question.

Hey,

girls, gather around.

Listen to what I'm putting down.

Hey, babe, I'm your hand.

This is a train wreck.

It's horrible.

It's true, but like you said, it's how you finish the race. And for Warren,

thankfully, this is just the start.

Please, are you trying to make hell with me again?

He gets so randy when he sings this song.

Anyway, I'm all better now.

Are you feeling okay? Do you want to finish the song?

Yes, I think I might.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All better? Feeling better? Yeah, thank you. Please, leave me alone.

Easy there, buddy.

Remember, it's my show.

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