All language subtitles for Ed s03e12 Partners.eng

Frankie Hector, 9 a .m., right on time.

Is that your car, though?

Uh, yes.

You sitting in the parking lot?

Uh, yes. Yes, I was.

Why? Well, truth be told, I got here at
8 .25.

Didn't want to risk being late on my
first day.

You could have just come in.

I didn't want to make a bad first
impression.

You were in early, though, not late.
Early can be worse than late. I have a

theory on that.

Which is? Oh, no, no. No, no, please.

Okay, well, it depends on the time
frame. Let's say you're invited to

house for a dinner party.

Fifteen minutes or less early can be
better than late, but take, for example,

hour and a half old, and late is better
than early.

An hour and a half late to a dinner
party is pretty rude, isn't it? True,

you can recover. I'm so sorry. The
traffic was terrible.

But you show up to a six o 'clock dinner
party at 4 .30 for the rest of your

life. You're the weird guy.

Coffee? Please.

Welcome aboard.

Thank you.

in the sky tonight there I can keep by

your side watching the wide world riot

and hiding out I'll be coming home next
year

I'd like to introduce you to Frankie
Hector. She's a lawyer. She'll be

with me in the legal practice. This is
Eli.

Hey, how you doing, Frankie? Good.

Hey, don't you let Becky Goss work you
too hard now. I'll try.

Hey, this is Shirley. Oh, Shirley. Ed
told me a lot about you.

I just want you to know up front that
I'm not going anywhere.

I'm sorry?

Any hopes you might have of working your
way into my job will go unrealized.

I don't want you to resent me for being
a logjam to your career.

A logjam?

But aren't you at the system?

That's right.

Yeah, and this is Phil. It's so good of
you to join us at 10 .30. Yeah, I'm

sorry, Bosco. Daylight savings, so I'm
just kicking my ass. Three months ago.

I know, but this year's just been
particularly hard, don't you think?

Phil, this is Frankie. She's going to be
working with me in the law office.

Hi. Good, good.

You know, ever since Kenny left, there's
been a real lack of sexual tension

around here.

I'm not sure I understand.

Can you, sir?

Carmela? Oh, my goodness.

Googled you, Dr. Burton, and the Google
said that you once were married to

Elizabeth Taylor.

I think that's Richard Burton, Carmela.
You forgot to use the quotes.

Oh.

What time is Mr. Sen coming in?

He's not coming in. He canceled.

Damn.

Can you get him on the phone?

Oh, yes.

Of course.

It's for you.

Hi, Mr.

Sen.

It's Dr.

Burton calling. I was just checking in
to see how you're feeling.

Oh, you do?

That's good.

Good.

Well, you might want to come in to get
it checked out. This is a precaution.

I understand.

I'm glad to see you're feeling better.

You too.

So did you always dream to be practicing
law from inside a bowling alley? I

think it's cool.

Is that my desk? That's your desk.

Wow, my first desk.

Well, not my first desk. I mean, I've
had desks before.

It's cool inside. It's my first paying
desk.

First paying desk.

Hey, there's a Mr. Harris here to see
you. Ah, send him in, Shirley.

Our first client.

What should I do? Do you want me to wait
outside?

Not as long as that desk is paying you.

Hey, Mr. Harris. Oh, uh, Willie.

Hey, you're the guy who ended the horse
to break up that wedding. Yeah.

Now, how did it go?

It's a long story. This is my associate,
Frankie Hector. Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

So what can we help you with, Mr.
Harris?

I'm having a problem with my sister.

What's the problem?

She wants to gay me out.

Do what?

Gay me out. She's going to put an ad in
the penny saver telling everyone that

I'm gay.

She wants to out you?

Yes, that's what I just said. She wants
to gay me out.

I think the expression is to...

Never mind. Why does she want to do
this? Because she's nuts.

Bonkers.

Cuckoo. She said, unless I tell everyone
that I'm gay, she's going to do it for

me. And you don't want to do this?

Well, of course not.

Okay. Well, uh, Mr. Harris, there is one
question that's quite pertinent to this

case. What's that?

Frankie?

Me? Paying desk.

It's my first day. Or is it your last
day?

Well, sir, there's one obvious question
to be asked at this time. What's that?

Are you in fact homosexual?

No!

What planet is she from?

Hmm?

Marty Stanton?

Oh, yeah. Hey, Doc. Hey, what are you
doing?

Oh, just out for a lovely mid -afternoon
stroll.

But I'm late now. I gotta run.

How can you be late for a lovely mid
-afternoon stroll?

Well, you caught me. I was on my way to
Dr. Jerome's home.

Oh, I didn't order wine.

He did.

Wow. Looks like Miss Bessie's going to
get a little afternoon delight.

Just relax.

No, yeah, relax.

Have fun.

Hey. Hi.

Thank you so much for the glass of wine.

Sure.

My name's Matt.

I'm Carol.

Nice to meet you, Carol.

Another Johnny Walker, red meat.

Yeah, okay, this doesn't want to work.

What? The thing is, I have been dating
scotch -drinking, glass -swirling,

handsome guys my whole life, and I'm
through. So, the Matt was Matt, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm really sorry, but do you
want any wine back here?

It's okay. It needs wine.

Looks like someone's got some unresolved
issues. I know the type.

He's like every guy I've ever dated, and
I'm not going down that road again. No.

From this point on, I'm dating a
different kind of guy. What kind of guy?

nice kind. The normal kind.

Really? And where are you going to find
that?

They're all over. You see them every
day.

Where? There's a million of them.

Toby Gibbons.

What?

What's wrong with Toby Gibbons?

No. It's fine.

I think you should go out with Toby
Gibbons.

You sure I can't get you anything?

Coffee? Water? No, thank you, Ms. Myers.
We're fine. All right.

What seems to be the problem?

My brother tell you I was the wicked
witch of the West.

No, he doesn't want you to run the ad in
the penny saver announcing he's gay.

Of course he doesn't.

And as his attorney, I can assure you,
he's prepared to take full legal action

against you if you do run it.

Ooh, scary.

Legal action.

Ms. Myers, I urge you to take this
seriously.

Reconsider your position. Why do this?

Why? Because I love him.

And I want my brother to be happy.

Funny way of showing it.

Really? I don't think so.

Willie is a 43 -year -old man who,
because he stubbornly refuses to admit

gay, is lonely and miserable.

Will this ad embarrass him for a moment?
Maybe.

But then it will free him and give him a
chance to find actual happiness.

Your brother says he's not gay, Ms.
Myers.

Funny. As far as we've come as a
society, he still feels the need to hide

Sad, don't you think?

Not exactly the devil we thought she'd
be.

No, it would have been much better if
she were evil and nutty.

True. Now we've offered an injunction to
try and stop him from placing the app.

Oh, right.

So what are the possible arguments?

I will.

Good. What else?

Invasion of privacy.

Right. So which should it be?

Well, for libel, the ad needs to be a
lie, which would then depend on whether

not Willie is actually gay. If he is
gay, then there's no libel. Now, for

invasion of privacy, we would have to
show that Willie clearly didn't want his

sexuality to become public, and he had a
reasonable expectation that it should

be kept private. That's good. Any hot
talk?

Sure. So,

uh, where should it be?

Uh, okay. Well, uh, let's see.

Thank you.

But, before I answer, are you one of
those bosses I have to agree with all

time or am I allowed to have my own
opinion? Because if you need me to be a

man, I can do that, even though I tend
to do better in environments where I can

freely speak my mind.

Speed away. Keep it. Thanks. Sorry,
Finn, I will. You can't put ketchup on a

dog.

No, no. You can't put ketchup on a hot
dog. It's disgusting.

No, it's not. It's completely normal.
Sweetness of ketchup does not complement

the smoky flavor of a hot dog. It
overpowers it. What you want there is

I like the way it tastes with ketchup.

That proves nothing.

Yeah, it does.

See you, Barney.

See you. Someone went to a five -star
French restaurant and ordered

bouillabaisse, but they've been
justified in pouring ketchup on it just

they liked it. That's ridiculous. You
don't put ketchup on clams. Just like

don't put ketchup on a hot dog. You're
assuming a conclusion.

What? You're assuming a conclusion and
quit stalling. Which argument should we

use for Willie?

Okay, all things considered, I'd argue
libel. He says he's not gay. He should

print in an ad that says he is. That's
libel. Sounds good. Good luck. Good

You're going to be arguing for the
injunction tomorrow.

What? Yeah, and I hope you don't get
Judge Brummel. He could be a real

But, Ed... It's okay. It'll be a good
chance for you to speak your mind

Ed,

how long have you owned Stucky Bowl?

Let's see, a little less than three
years now.

You still can't bowl my week.

How much do you weigh, anyway?

Nice try.

I guess I'm safe in assuming it's more
than 43.

Quite right.

I've got to get going. I've got to grade
some papers.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, hey. Oh, hey, Frankie. Listen, I
want you to meet someone. This is my

friend, Frankie Hector. Hi. Oh, hi.

Ed told me all about you.

Uh -oh. No, no, no. It's all good.

So, you just moved to town? Three weeks
ago. Well, if you want a list of all the

hot spots, I could probably run them
down for you in about, I don't know, 15

seconds. Thanks.

It's nice to meet you. You too.

See you later, Eddie.

Eddie?

I thought I'd shake it up a little.

Mission accomplished.

I've never actually been in a courtroom
before. I saw you in a courtroom. But I

wasn't being a lawyer. But you've been
in a courtroom. Yes, but as a spectator.

Listen, there's only one difference
between being a spectator in a courtroom

being a lawyer in a courtroom. Where as
a spectator sits and watches, a lawyer

actually has to do a bunch of stuff.

I don't find that explanation
comforting.

See you tomorrow morning.

Come in.

Well, bless my soul, if it isn't my old
sparring partner, Dr.

Burton. Come in, son. It's been much too
long.

Boy, we really used to go at it like a
couple of drunken monkeys, didn't we?

Well, it was all out of love.

Know what you're up to, Dr. Jerome? I
saw Marty Sen.

I have no idea what you're talking
about.

If you think you can get away with
stealing my patients, you better think

Stealing your patients?

Dr. Burton, I'm shocked.

Shocked? Look, I didn't come here to
play games, all right? You're not my

anymore. I don't have to take your
abuse. Why don't you just back off and

earn my living?

All right, Dr. Burton, I'll tell you
what.

What? I'll do whatever I want whenever I
want, you thick -witted pelican. And if

you don't like it, you can either kiss
my ass or write to your congressman.

choice. Now, vamoose!

Are

you

sure she knows what she's doing?

She looks like one of my horses right
before it sticks up some bad oats.

She'll be fine. You're in good hands
with her.

All rise.

Frank, I forgot to tell you something.
What, what?

According to a recent survey of the
National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, a

20 % of Americans chose ketchup as their
favorite hot dog condiment.

You may be seated.

Miss Hector, you seek an injunction to
stop Amanda Myers from publishing an ad

in the Stuckyville penny saver?

Yes, Your Honor, Mrs. Myers intends to
print an ad stating, My client, Mr.

Harris, is gay. This is more than a
simple untruth. This is libel. Now, if I

might anticipate Mr. Adams' objections,
should he argue that my client is, in

fact, gay, I would demand concrete proof
of Mr. Harris' participation in a

homosexual relationship, of which, by
Mrs. Myers' own admission, Your Honor,

there is none. Should he object to my
client's livelihood being damaged by the

ad, I would counter out that he works
for a stable which services the most

conservative element of our community,
who will, no doubt... Okay.

Thank you, Ms. Hector.

Judgment is for Mrs. Myers.

Thank you, Your Honor.

I'm sorry, what just happened?

I ruled against you.

With all due respect, Your Honor, I have
a lot more to say.

Oh, I imagine you do. And I bet he's got
some killer stuff of his own, so I

thought we'd kind of kick it back and
forth for a little while, and then you

could go back to your chambers and
reflect.

Not today.

Why not, Your Honor? Are your chambers
being painted? The First Amendment, Miss

Hector. It stops guys like me from
telling people what they can or cannot

in their panty savers.

All right, who's next?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I blew it. I
blew it. Why did you let me do that?

like you were right, Ed. It was worth a
shot, but listen, there's practically no

way the judge was going to grant us that
injunction.

Oh, hold on. What do you mean?

I just mean no judge would have, no
matter what we said. We never had a

That's right. And you knew that all
along? That's right. Do you realize what

just put me through?

Well, like I said, it was worth a shot.
Besides which, you got your feet wet,

didn't you?

Yes, but I didn't really... You're not
used to me without wet feet. Hello?

She's going to game me out.

We'll deal with it when it happens. At
least this way we're on record with our

objection.

Hi,

Toby.

Oh, hi. Hey, Carol.

How you doing?

Uh, solid gold.

So, what brings you by? Uh, trouble with
your paycheck?

No, I just came by to say hi. Purely
social visit.

That's funny.

Look at that.

Out of Comptroll.

You like that? I picked that up at the
Comptrollers convention down in South

Beach.

That's one crazy weekend, believe you
me.

Oh, yeah?

I mean, just because we know how to add
and subtract doesn't mean we don't know

how to drink alcohol and party.

And stuff.

That sounds like a good time. Oh, yeah.

Except two years ago, I got a really bad
sunburn.

Gotta use sunscreen when you're at the
beach.

Actually, I was just standing curbside
at the airport waiting for Skycap to

me with my luggage.

Oh. Yeah, I was hospitalized briefly.

Oh, wow.

Wow. Well, um, Toby, I was wondering if
you wanted

to...

Get together with me sometime, maybe
Friday night.

Seriously?

Yeah, no big deal.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Oh, you know, I can't do it this Friday
night.

I've got something.

Oh, fine.

Some other time then.

No, no, you know what?

Why don't you come along?

What is it?

I want that to be a surprise.

Just come to my house at 8 p .m.

sharp.

Pretty lady.

You're in for the treat of your life.

I bet I am.

Phil?

Ah, the good doctor. Just the man I
wanted to see.

Question. Uh -huh.

How long does medical school take?

About eight years. And is it
particularly rigorous?

Yeah, it's really hard. Are you thinking
of going to medical school, too?

Depends. Well, now, when you ask a
chick, I mean, a patient, to drop trap,

got to do it, right? No questions asked.
I mean, it's like a law, right?

Uh -huh.

Actually, I need to ask you a favor.

What? You need organs?

Lungs? Kidneys? Livers?

Gallbladder? Regular bladder?

Pancreas? Large intestines? Small
intestine?

I don't need a baboon heart, Phil.

All right, you know what? Let's ask
these three.

What's the point? It's completely
irrelevant.

No, it's not. It's not irrelevant. Guys,
we're taking a fall. What do you like

in your hot dogs?

Cheese and chili, baby. We're going to
do it. Let's do it.

Phil? Last time I was in Chi -town, I
acquired a taste for Frank's with

and onions. Oh, Chi -town?

He's a gangster.

What about you, Sharon?

Ketchup. Ha!

And sour cream. Ha!

You don't get a ha out of that. That's a
total ha.

She did it! She did it!

They're all over town!

Oh, man, you should have told me. I
would have introduced you to my cousin

Look a little like Lenny Kravitz. I'm
not gay, Ed.

I want to sue her for everything she's
got.

Calm down, Willie. I understand you're
upset, but she's your sister. I don't

care. I wanted my pounds of flesh.

Besides, if I win in court, people will
see the nonsense that it is.

So do you know Ellen DeGeneres?

I have to tell you, that is a gorgeous
blouse. Who is that? Wait, don't tell

Marc Jacobs?

I don't know. I got it at TJ Maxx.

Yeah, I'd keep that quiet.

Sue, what are you in for?

Going through the change, I imagine?

I got bad feet.

Right.

Phil Stubbs?

That's me.

Good luck with the feet.

Dr. Drum.

Mr. Stubbs, what can I do for you today?

What? A mistake?

What do you mean you made a mistake?

What?

Oh, my God. Forever?

You mean I'm going to be like this
forever?

No. Not everyone makes mistakes.

You make mistakes. Not everyone. You.

You crazy old loon.

Will you be paying cash for this visit,
Mr. Stubbs, or shall I bill Dr. Burton

directly? I'd go with the latter.

Here's most of what you asked for, plus
a few things you didn't. Thanks,

Frankie. That was fast.

So I gather you're planning to sue for
invasion of privacy?

Yes, I am. What do you think? Is that
our best shot?

Sure. Privacy's good. Big buzzword these
days. Ought to resonate with the jury.

Frankie. Yes. Are you a parrot, a minor
bird, or a cockatiel?

I'm none of their things.

Then how's about giving me your opinion
instead of parroting, minor birding, or

cockatieling back my own?

I think privacy's going to be tough. We
ought to stick with libel.

That's more like it. Look, this is going
to be a long night. What do you say we

go get some grub before we get in too
deep here? I'm in the mood for pasta.

That's what we call spaghetti.

What about Angel Hill? Skinny spaghetti.

Right.

Who is it?

It's Carol. Hi.

We didn't use the secret password.

It's Carol.

Bessie? Carol, welcome.

Sorry about that. Just wanted to make
sure you weren't the cop. You know, what

with prohibition and all.

Come on in.

Welcome to the Juice Joint.

My very own speakeasy.

The year 1925.

The place, Chicago.

I got a bathtub full of gin and a
Victrola that's ready to boogie.

Wow, I had no idea it was a costume
party. I would have cobbled something

together. No need.

Your costume and your personal history.

Wow. And this is way better than some
lame costume party.

It's a murder mystery party.

Oh, wow. I've never been to a murder
mystery party. How does this work?

We mingle, asking each other probing
questions about our characters, trying

scrounge up any info we can.

Eventually, someone dies.

At the end of the night, everyone gets
who the murderer is.

Oh, that sounds like fun. You have no
idea.

Come with me.

Do you miss New York?

Not yet. I mean, I love it there, but
this is a nice change.

And how did it happen? Your boyfriend,
what's his name, Larry, you just came

home one day and said, hey, honey, we're
moving to Stuckyville. His name is

Leon, and yeah, pretty much.

And you were cool with that? I was. It
was a great opportunity for him, and I

figured, what the heck, let's give small
town living a try.

And what's Larry's name? Leon. What's
Leon do exactly? You say he's an

architect? Yeah, he's from the water
park about 20 miles from here.

Water park. What, you mean like water
slides?

Yeah, that's his specialty.

Boyfriend's a water slide specialist.

Somebody has to be.

That's the coolest thing I've ever
heard. I love water slides. Me too. Who

doesn't? Just one person. The guy's job
is to stand on top of the slide all day

long and say, you can go.

Yeah, that's a tough gig.

Thanks, Scoop.

Hello, Mr. Clapone.

How's things?

Everything's Jake, old boy.

Everything's Jake.

So should you be here as a district
attorney?

Who's the Sheba?

I'm not... Excuse me. Oh!

Miss Flapper meets Hal Clappone.

Hal Clappone. That's very cute. I miss
Flapper.

Carol. Hi.

How's the panther sweat there, Smarty?

Panther sweat?

You drink.

Oh, the panther sweat is very tasty,
very tasty. You need a Mac, Mac?

Mac's good. Okay.

How you guys all know each other?

Oh, I'm a comptroller over in Jasper
Town.

Oh. Most of the guys here are
comptrollers. Matter of fact.

See that guy back there? Yeah.

He's the best there is. Really?

And he knows it, too.

Oh. That he does?

Hmm.

Oh, my God. He's dead.

Ah, Appletop.

I think he's dead.

I saw your Sheba hair talking with him
just a minute ago.

Oh, no, I was just watching. Oh, dry up,
sister.

Quit beating your gums, Mac. You never
liked him much anyways, did you? Go

yourself, you lousy two -dropper. You've
had too much cough and varnish.

Excuse

me.

Hey. Any call about the wasps? Uh, no.

I got a call for this address requesting
a T and B for a nest of yellow jackets.

What's a T and B? Tent and bomb.

Standard procedure.

We'll seal the lid on this place in half
a day, then bomb it.

Where's the nest?

I think there's been a mistake. We don't
have a yellow jacket problem. Hey, Mrs.

Jenkins, Alan.

Uh, right on time. Who's ready for a
physical?

What's going on?

Oh, not much.

It's what's going on with you, you. Uh,
how you been feeling?

Who are those men?

Team B check.

Standard procedure.

What?

We're dealing with wasps here, not bees.

Yellow jackets.

So, Alan, what about you? How's school
been? You still pitching?

I think that man was talking to you.
Him? Nah.

So who's ready? You want to go first,
Mr. Jacobs?

We're going to go.

Oh, Mr. Jacobs, wait.

Come on, hey.

Alan, I mean...

Now, Mr. Harris, please, call me Willie.

I can't. We're on court, remember?

Oh, sorry. I've never been a witness
before.

That's okay. You're doing great.

How? I watch a lot of court TV.

Uh -huh.

But that Winoni Ryder, she got a raw
deal, don't you think?

Mr. Harris, how has your life changed
since the publication of this ad?

I go, people ask me about it. And if
they don't, they give me funny looks or

they whisper behind my back.

Suddenly, my personal business is
everybody's business.

So you're a little uncomfortable, a
little embarrassed, but that doesn't

you the right to restrict the free
speech of your sister.

Why, sure it does. We're talking about
my client's sexuality. Gosh, if that

isn't a private matter, I don't know
what is. Then let me ask you this. Would

you say a person's alcoholism is a
private matter?

Yes, I suppose so.

But what if, by making it public in the
form of an intervention, you could force

him to confront his problem, maybe even
save him from drinking himself to death?

Would that be worth the invasion of
privacy?

Yeah, perhaps.

Then what about an embarrassing ad that
just might save Willie Harris from a

lifetime of loneliness and misery?

That's a good point.

Care to respond?

Yeah, you know what? I think that's
enough for now.

What? Well, I want to be fresh for
tomorrow. Willie, why don't you go home

take a good solid eight hours?

Did I win? Yeah, you did great. We'll
see you tomorrow.

Okie dokie.

99. Good night.

Well?

Nice work, Frankie. That intervention
stuff was really strong.

So you've seen the light? You're going
to drop the invasion of privacy thing?

No. But... I thought of it.

Big day tomorrow. Better get some sleep.

So how was the bash? Hey, tell me. Good.

So what was it exactly? A dinner party?

A kegger?

Scrabble night? What?

Actually, it was a murder mystery party.
A murder mystery party? Yep. Set in a

1920s Chicago speakeasy.

You're kidding, right? Nope. Everybody
was in full costume. They were talking

1920s slang. Oh, and the ball player was
murdered by the gangster in the latrine

with a knife.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

It feels like a nightmare.

No, it wasn't that bad. I had fun.

Sort of.

Come on, honestly, you're going to tell
me that you had fun at Toby Gibbons'

murder mystery party?

Okay, so maybe the Toby thing isn't
going to work out after all.

So, yes.

He wants to have dinner.

Oh, he said I was so lovely that I would
have brought Gatsby to his knees.

I thought this whole thing with Toby
wasn't going to work out.

Well, there's not some huge spark
between us yet. But then again, where

sparks ever get in me?

So are you going to have dinner with
him?

Yes, I am. Because real relationships
take time. You don't just meet somebody

and whammo, you're in love. I mean,
these things need time to...

Develop. Grow.

Percolate. Thank you, Miss Winifred.

You're welcome, baby.

Miss Myers.

Hi. Why did you think you had the right
to publicly embarrass your brother by

taking out this ad in the Stuckyville
Penny Saver? I wasn't trying to

him. I was trying to help him.

It's nothing he should be ashamed about.

Help him. I see.

Tell me, when did your brother first
come to you and tell you he was a

homosexual? He never told me he was a
homosexual.

Never told you? Did you ask him?

Yes. Once, twice, lots of times?

A lot of times.

And he never told you?

He was in denial.

Was he in denial, Miss Myers, or was it
simply possible that he thought his

sexuality was none of your business?

I thought it would be liberating for
him.

Liberating. You knew full well that your
brother wanted his sexuality to be kept

private, and yet you went ahead and
decided to share it with all the

Stuckyville. Isn't that right?

There's nothing wrong with being a gay
man.

Miss Myers, how many times a week do you
have sexual intercourse?

Objection! Mr.

Stevens.

There's nothing wrong with having sexual
intercourse. I think it would be

liberating for Miss Myers to tell
everyone how often she has it. That's

ridiculous. It sure is.

Nothing further.

That wasn't awesome.

They continue to appear outraged now
because the jury's still looking at me.

No, Carmela, no beans, I promise.

I know you have allergies.

It's okay.

Can I help you?

Dr. Burton, I just came by to check out
the bees.

What do you want, Dr. Jerome? Oh, I just
wanted to see how you were enjoying the

rath du jour. You should see what I have
in store for you tomorrow.

Uh, that vent, does that lead to the
outside?

Yeah, it could have scared me, Dr.
Jerome.

I know, Dr.

Burton. I'm aware that inanimate objects
don't feel fright.

For that, I'm better off taunting my
footstool.

Oh, my God, are you crying?

No.

Oh, this is uncomfortable.

I'm not crying.

You know what?

Luckily for you, I'm feeling charitable
at this moment.

That's right.

Now that I've crushed all your hopes and
dreams into a fine powder, I must admit

that I feel almost guilty.

It's like I've snuck into the great city
of the Simians, stolen all the golden

bananas, and bombed the place.

I feel an obligation to rebuild, or at
least take my own monkey back home

What do you say, Chim Chim? Want to come
home again?

What? I'm offering you your old job
back.

Why?

You have 24 hours to make up your mind.

After that, my generosity dries up.

Mr. Harris, did you make it perfectly
clear to your sister that you wanted

sexuality to remain private?

Oh, yes.

I begged her not to put the ad in the
paper. I got down on my hands and knees,

literally.

I mean, right on the linoleum in her rec
room.

Could you tell us what your life has
been like since your sister took out

advertisement? Horrible.

People at work look at me funny. All my
friends act weird around me. It's a

nightmare. That's all for now.

Mr. Harris, why are you so embarrassed
to be gay?

I'm not gay.

I'm not gay.

If I was gay, I wouldn't be so
embarrassed about it.

I mean, how many times do I have to tell
you?

Your Honor, I move for immediate
dismissal. If Mr. Harris isn't gay, then

his privacy being invaded here? Your
Honor, whether or not Mr. Harris is gay

not relevant to this case. Now, if we
were suing Ms. Myers for libel, then

absolutely, we could all sit around
dissecting my client's sexuality in open

court for days, but we're not. We're
suing for invasion of privacy. Now,

everyone's entitled to their secrets.
They're entitled to their privacy. And,

course, public discussion of my client's
sexuality, whatever that may be, that's

an invasion.

Motion for dismissal is denied, Mr.
Adams. And no more questions about Mr.

Harris' sexual preferences.

So, uh, everything to your liking?

Oh, yes. It's delicious. Thank you.

Tater tots are great. Wow.

Pretty tasty, aren't they? Mm -hmm.

You know, it's my belief that when
French fries go to sleep at night, they

of being tater tots.

It's good. It's good.

This is fun, isn't it?

Yes. Oh, I'm having a lovely time, Toby.

You know, sometimes I feel like I got
all this stuff in my head.

Stuff I really want to share with
someone.

Like that tater tot line.

Normally, I'd have to waste it on...

Like my mom or someone like that.

But having you here is great.

It's really great.

Yeah.

Yeah. Why don't we... Do you want to do
something? Do you want to watch a movie?

Do you have any great videos?

I don't. Not really a movie guy.

Oh, you're not?

No, I don't really care for him.

I really want... Understood what all the
fuss is about.

But I know what we can do. They're going
to love this.

What is it? Come here.

Oh, Toby, you're a photographer.

Look closer.

Really get your nose in there.

It's a jigsaw puzzle.

That's what we aficionados call a 9K.

9 ,000 pieces.

No.

You've done this before, haven't you?

Not recently, no, but yes, I have done
this, yeah. You're a natural.

Oh.

Wow.

Really starting to take shape. Yeah.

You know, I can't paint worth a darn,
but for the ten -odd hours I'll spend on

this puzzle, I am Leonardo da Vinci.

That's why it's such a great hobby.

Yeah, totally.

Look at that smile.

So enigmatic.

That didn't sound right.

Enigmatic.

Carol, I know this is only our second
date, but I would really, really

like to kiss you now if that's okay. Oh,
I... I'm sorry, that was too forward.

Wasn't it?

Forget I asked.

Unless you're up for it.

No, I'm sorry.

Carol, can I kiss you? Oh, Toby.

You know what?

Forget I asked.

I think this is maybe not a good idea.
Right. Well, you know, we'll just go

to the puzzle.

I mean you and me.

Oh.

Look.

Don't get me wrong, I think you're a
really great guy, I do, but I'm not sure

that we're connecting.

Right. I was thinking the same thing,
too, actually.

Truth is, I usually date brunettes, but,
you know, you seem like a nice kid, so

I thought I'd give you a whirl, but it
ain't happening, so... Thank

you for trying.

Yeah. Yeah.

I should go.

I'll walk you out.

Mr. Stevens has been telling you that my
client infringed on her brother's right

to privacy.

And you know what?

It's got a point.

I mean, we all have got the right to
privacy.

But the thing is, ladies and gentlemen,
that some rights are more important than

others. like the right to intervene to
help a loved one.

Some years ago, a cousin of mine was
drinking himself to death.

And though he was hurting no one but
himself, we as a family decided to just

a stop to it.

So we got together a bunch of his
friends and we staged an intervention.

Was he embarrassed?

I bet he was.

But he got over it. And last June, he
celebrated his eighth year.

of sobriety.

So, did we violate his right to privacy?

Maybe.

But, was it the right thing to do?

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Mr. Stevens?

Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen, if I
were crossing a bridge and I saw a guy

about to jump off, I would try to save
him.

Even if I had to tackle him and break
his arm to do so. And I doubt there's a

court in the land that would convict me
of assault.

But,

Now, what if I were to break the arm of
a guy who's eaten too much cake for

dessert?

Then I got a problem, right?

No, Mr. Adams was right to do whatever
it took to save his cousin's life. Mr.

Harris isn't dying.

He's just a guy I'd rather keep quiet
about his sex life. And maybe his sister

meant to help him, but she went too far.

Way too far.

Thank you.

Come in. Ah, gargantua returns.

I passed by your office this morning,
Dr. Jerome, and I noticed something very

interesting. What's that, Senior
Alunkhead?

Well, the office is closed.

Sign said you wouldn't be until noon,
and you're not closed on Fridays?

So what?

You haven't come back on office hours
even a single day since I've known you.

Are we done here, Dr. Burton? I know you
may find it hard to relate to this, but

I have patients to treat.

And then I realized why you're trying to
put me out of business.

You want me to come back?

No, you need me to come back.

You're hallucinating.

Look, you got all the patients in the
world, but you're getting a little too

to treat them.

I got all the energy in the world, but
no patients.

We need each other, Dr. Jerome.

I'll come back if you want me to come
back.

Not to work for you, but as an equal
partner.

It's your call right now. One time only
offer.

All right, then, partner.

I won't call you then.

Is it good that the jury's back so soon?

It's neither good nor bad. It just means
someone kicked ass.

Was it us? Was it us that kicked ass?
I'm about to find out.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Yes, Your Honor.

What say you?

We, the jury, find in favor of the
plaintiff, Willie Harris.

For what amount?

No dollar amount, Your Honor.

We rule that Mrs. Myers must run a full
-page ad on the cover of the penny

saver, admitting her guilt and
apologizing to Mr. Harris.

Very well, then.

Court adjourned.

I just needed to get you your pound of
flesh.

Oh, no, this is better. This is enough.

Thanks, Ed. You're welcome, Willie.

Thanks, Frankie.

You're welcome, Mom.

There must be something wrong with me.
Okay.

I don't know what's with you. You know,
you went out with Toby. You tried to

make it work. So what is wrong with you?

Mom, I'm telling you, I gave it my all.
I did everything in my power to make

myself like him, but I just couldn't
fall for a nice guy. He's too nice.

Yeah.

You're being crazy.

No, I'm not.

It's like all these years with Nick and
Dennis have taught me nothing. I'm

doomed. Not doomed.

Oh, my head's up.

Hey. Oh, hi, Matt.

Hey.

Listen, I don't know where your head was
at the other day, but... Oh, I'm sorry.

I was in a really bad mood. I shouldn't
have been so rude to you.

Then here's a chance to make it up to
me.

Um, let me take you out to dinner.

I can't.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

Whatever. I'll see you around.

What?

No. If you were really doomed, you would
have said yes.

Frankie, what are you doing here?

I'm here to say I'm sorry.

When you're wrong, you're wrong, and I
was mega wrong, and I'm mega sorry.

Mega sorry for what?

If you would let me talk you out of your
strategy, we would have lost the case.

Oh, let's do it my way, because I've
been a lawyer for six whole months. I

way out of line, and if you were to fire
me right now, I would totally

understand.

Frankie, did you hear my closing
argument?

Oh, yeah. It was brilliant.

So why didn't I use it at the practice
trial? I don't know.

Because I didn't have it at the practice
trial. You stumped me.

So? I went home, and I racked my brain
for a response.

And without that, we would have got
creamed at the close. Do I fire you? No,

don't think so. I think I should promote
you, of course. Then we'd be on the

same level, and we can't have that now,
can we? Yes, not.

Well, I will do.

However, let's treat you to hot dog.

Okay. Okay.

Mustard for you.

Thank you.

And for me.

Do you like Clint Eastwood? I love Clint
Eastwood. You like Dirty Harry?

I love Dirty Harry.

What follows is a direct quote from
Dirty Harry in the movie Threatened

The crime, the apathy, people being
thrown off third story floors, old

getting their heads bashed in for their
social security checks. That doesn't

bother me at all. You want to know what
bothers me? Want to know what makes me

sick to my stomach? It's watching you
stuff your face with those hot dogs. I

mean, nobody, nobody puts ketchup on a
hot dog.

Yeah.

This is going to be good. You're damn
right it is. You're about to taste your

first real hot dog.

Not the hot dog.

This.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Homage to Clint.

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