Original subtitles

Yeah, they do.

Yeah.

So how long do you think this is going to last?

How long do I think what's going to last?

The implacable awkwardness that now exists between the two of us as a result

our little adventure of the bowling alley?

I don't know, Ed.

Yeah, me neither.

Charm straight out like this.

I'm putting an end to it. Putting an end to what? The awkwardness. It's

impossible for there to be awkwardness between two people when one person has

the other person over their shoulder like this.

I don't know, Ed. You know, this seems pretty awkward.

Perfectly acceptable kind of awkwardness. Hello, ma 'am. Yeah, a

pudding went down the wrong way with this one. How many times do I got to

you? Don't eat and talk at the same time, honey. Eddie!

Lloyd?

Look at this. My baby brother walking down Main Street like Tarzan.

Hi, Carol.

Hi, Lloyd.

What are you...

What are you doing in Suckyville? What am I doing in Suckyville?

I'm here to spend Christmas with you.

Come over here, movie star.

Let's get some lunch.

Great. I can't. I got a million things.

Come on, Carol.

Eddie, lighten up. It's Christmas.

There I can keep by your side.

I'm telling you, this guy rolls for like 40 minutes without a 7. It's like 6s,

8s, 5s, 9s, whatever you want.

I mean, this guy's banging hard 10s like Sinatra bangs showgirls.

Anyway, so I look down. All of a sudden, I got three large sitting in front of

me. Three large.

Large. Grand.

Thousand. You won $3 ,000?

Yeah. Let me guess how this story ends. You cash in your chips. You walk across

the street. You open a passbook savings account with your winnings.

Passbook savings account!

Where do you get that stuff?

I mean, he got the dimples, he got the blue eyes, endless sense of humor.

What happened? So the next guy called his ice.

My three grand disappears like cannolis at the San Gennaro Festival.

Oh, boy.

You know, you look good, though. You do. You working out or something?

No. No?

With a little smile.

What do you think, Eddie? You think I look good? Actually, yeah, you do look

good. Are you sitting under a sun lamp or something?

Man makeup.

What's that?

It's the most amazing thing, I'm telling you.

You're using makeup now? No, not just using, my friend.

Tell him.

Remember Vinnie Frida from high school?

He got me into it.

Concealer.

Blush.

Foundation.

All for men.

You're looking at the future, Eddie.

All right.

So the first ghost to visit Scrooge was that of... His

former business partner?

Jacob Marley?

Correct. Sure it wasn't Bob Marley.

You know,

Warren, sometimes if you think of a joke, it's okay not to make that joke.

Shut up.

Uh, Mark.

Would you mind going down to the guidance counselor's office?

What'd I do?

Nothing. Mrs. Burton just wants to have a word with you.

Ooh.

Okay.

Snap.

My nan!

Mark. Hi.

What's up, Mrs. B?

I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your mom called.

Your dad's in the hospital.

What?

What happened?

Your dad had a heart attack.

He's doing okay.

Oh, God.

Better get over there.

Do you need a ride?

I got a car.

Hey, Phil, bring your bony chicken butt over here. We're about to have a

meeting.

What's going down, Hot Wheels?

Don't be calling me Hot Wheels.

You said my chicken butt was bony.

All right.

The topic is Santa Land and Stucky Bones.

Santa what at Stucky Bones?

Oh, it was Ed's idea. You know how, like, every year at the mall they have a

Santa Claus come through and all the parents bring their little kids?

Well, we decided to do one here.

Sounds delish. What time's the fitting for my fake beard? No, I don't think so,

dude. You're too creepy to be Santa Claus. I'm thinking more like Joe

Mr. Vanacore is a terrific Santa. He was the Santa for my nephew Jimmy's

kindergarten last year. He has a lap the size of Venezuela.

Venezuela.

I got it. This is genius.

We get Bob Hope to come here and recreate one of his classic Christmas

Bob Hope.

Yes. And his wife, Dolores, of course, along with Brooke Shields and Jillian

Charo. And Rosie Greer. Obviously, Rosie Greer. Would y 'all come on and give me

some real ideas here, man? I ain't going to work. I need some real ideas.

We could get giant candy canes. See, now you're talking. Use your head now.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey, hey, hey. Check it out.

Looks like Stevens the Elder is hawking his man makeup.

He's a dreamer, that Lloyd.

See? Dark circle.

Gonzo, my friend.

Look. You guys, you try to buy nice clothes, right?

Get your hair cut, maybe put a little cologne on in the morning. So what's the

difference? All that stuff does is get you in the red zone. I'm giving you a

chance. Punch it across the goal line.

Go ahead now. Pull it under your eyes.

No, I can't. Not here. Ah, come on. No one's going to notice. Looks like you're

putting on moisturizer or something.

Right there. Other side.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Like you just got back from a week in Palm Springs.

Lloyd. Hey.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah, Eddie, Eddie. Jack, don't you look

fantastic?

Hey, guys.

Over here? Yeah, hey, listen, I'll be right back.

Go ahead and play.

Experiment. What?

What?

Don't keep that stuff on the shelf. What do you do?

By the way, what's the deal with you and Carol?

There's no deal with me and Carol. No, no, Phil told me the whole thing about

how you busted up the wedding and everything. Are you all right with all

Are you hurting?

We're talking about Carol. We're not talking about me and Carol. We're

about you selling makeup in my bowling alley. Oh, it's perfect.

It's got a great flow.

I like the lighting helps.

Except there's a bowling alley, Lloyd. A bowling alley where people come to

bowl. Not to be bothered by a man selling makeup for men. Oh, okay.

I see.

Don't do that. No, no, I see.

No, I will not sell makeup. Don't be hanged up. You can sell.

I'm not saying don't sell the makeup. No, I don't want to impose. You've got a

great thing going on here. You're a very lucky guy. I don't want to be in the

way. You're not in the way, Lloyd. Oh, now you're leaving. He leaves.

You can sell the makeup.

Seriously? Yeah, Lloyd, but don't bother the customers. You care about Lloyd. I

just don't want you to. You care about your brother.

Don't you?

Come on, you care about Lloyd.

You care about your brother. Come on, come on.

Come on.

Of course I care about you.

I can't believe it.

Just don't bother the customers. What? Are you taller than me now? Since we

kids.

Dad.

Hey, Marky Mark.

You okay?

Yeah, buddy, I'm fine.

I'm sorry if I scared you, honey.

Dr. Burton said he's doing really well.

Yeah, things are looking good. What happened?

I was right in the middle of a sales meeting, and boom, I went down like a

of yams.

Oh, my God.

But not to worry.

I'll be on my feet in no time. We Vanacore men come from hearty stock.

Am I right?

Yeah, Dad.

What are you doing there, Mark?

Oh, um, I was just, uh, just dialing myself up some funyuns.

Funyuns? Yeah, I think it's a, I think it's a contraction of fun onions.

Uh -huh.

Is my dad really okay?

Yeah, for now.

You know, Mark, you haven't been in for a checkup in a while.

Sure I have. No, you haven't. Why don't you come in tomorrow?

I got school.

After school.

See you at 3 .30?

Okay. Good.

As I put this foundation on to begin building my base, I want you to think of

the animal kingdom, my friends. For in the animal kingdom, it is the male of

species, not the female that is beautiful.

It is the peacock.

who is the proud owner of Dazzling Plumage, not the PN. We hitched our

to the wrong Stevens brother.

It is the male red -spotted newt who sports fire orange skin with red dock

its back, not the female.

What's that? What?

You told me I could sell man makeup in the bowling alley.

But I didn't say you could shut the place down.

You're right.

You're right. When you're right, you're right.

What are you doing?

Let's find my head in this drawer.

What? Come on, I deserve it.

Squash the noggin, Eddie.

Squash the noggin! No, no, you always... It's not gonna work. I'm not gonna

laugh, Lloyd.

Squash the noggin, give it!

What, is that a smile I saw under there? No, it's not a smile. No, I'm mad at

you. I saw a smile, Eddie!

You're a ridiculous human being, you know that? You're ridiculous!

Can I ask you something?

What? How come me and you can't be like real brothers?

We're real brothers. What do you mean? Real brothers talk about stuff. Real

brothers do stuff together.

We talk about stuff.

How come you never told me about Carol?

What? You tried to break up the woman's wedding on a horse.

Why wouldn't you tell your brother about something like that?

Tell me how you're feeling for once.

I don't know. I just... I don't know.

Far be it for me to critique your bedside manner, but I think you just

sigh of despair.

Sorry. Well, hey, at least you didn't pass out when I got on the scale.

Speaking of which, I dispute that weigh -in. Let's try it again with my watch

off.

I'm not going to candy coat this for you, Mark.

That's a shame, because I love the candy coat.

You're 250 pounds overweight.

250 pounds.

Your blood pressure's well into the danger zone.

Your maximum risk of early heart disease and diabetes.

You're in extremely poor health, Mark.

I tell you this not to upset you or to alarm you.

I tell you this because it's time you face up to it.

We both know we haven't had any success with dieting, so I looked into some

other options.

Now, I wouldn't ordinarily recommend this to someone your age, but with these

test results, I feel comfortable making an exception.

I think you ought to consider something called gastric bypass surgery.

Oh, jeez.

Look, Mark, I have some literature. Maybe it'll explain the procedure.

I recommend you to a specialist. Dr. Burton, I don't need surgery, okay?

If you're telling me to lose some weight, I'll lose some weight.

How are you going to do that?

I'll cut it down to about three or four tiramisu's a day.

And don't tell my parents about this whole surgery thing. They've got enough

worry about.

Mark, if you don't do something, and do it now, you're going to die.

Hey, your dad doing okay?

Yeah, yeah, great. Couldn't be better. Big Joe should be out of the hospital

pretty soon.

Oh, man, that's cool.

And how about you?

How'd your checkup go?

Okay, since when do we ask each other about our checkups? Was this bridge

Chill out, Peppy. I'm just making conversation.

Uh -huh.

So did you get a good report?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Surprisingly enough, I'm bionic, and I didn't even know it. Doc

says I'm totally robotic from the ass down.

Seriously, Mark, how's your health?

Cheswick, what's your deal?

Starting to sound like Diane, always nagging me about the weight.

Yeah, well, until she gets back from her little Ivy League college tour, I'm

filling in for her, okay?

Is that right?

In the bedroom, too?

Yeah, as if you guys are doing it.

Are you guys doing it?

All right, stop.

Show that self.

No.

Okay, every second you take to come out, dock your paycheck a dollar.

Eli, please.

One dollar.

Two dollars.

Three dollars.

Oh, no!

Eli,

I'm really not comfortable with this.

I know, I know, man, but it's for the kids, baby.

But you're a gorgeous little elf. Come on, let me see that little elf dance.

not going to dance.

Do a little elf dance, man. I'm not dancing.

You're not going to dance? I'm not dancing.

Four dollars?

Five dollars?

Six dollars?

Seven dollars?

Eight dollars?

Bad news, gentlemen. Joe Vanacore has suffered a heart attack and cannot be

Santa. Oh, that's terrible.

Oh, don't even think about it, Elvin.

Let me go. I've got to find us a new Father Christmas gift.

You look just like Sandy Duncan in Peter Pan, minus the glass eyes.

And plus a regular eye.

When did you get this?

Today. Some guy came up and gave it to me. What, is it a subpoena? Not a

subpoena. Well, what is it? Am I under arrest? No, no. I just want you to come

down and answer some questions.

Oh, my God.

Why? Did the man make up his appearance game? I read that in the letter. I

didn't know what that meant.

Come on.

What? I...

Seriously, I don't know what it means. Have you been selling makeup or have you

been selling the right to sell makeup? Makeup. I've been selling makeup.

You never once got someone to pay an initiation fee for their right to become

makeup salesman?

Absolutely not.

I mean, I hired some guys to work for me. What's that?

What? That's how it works. It's a company, right? If any Frida hires me

few other guys, then we hire some people.

You charge these people to come work for you? No. They pay nothing?

Nothing. Absolutely no money exchanges hands between you and them when they

become makeup salesmen? Absolutely no money.

outside of the setup car. So they do pay money. Well, they gotta get their

stuff. So what is a pyramid scheme? I don't know about that.

Cut the crap, Lloyd. You're 43 years old. You know what a pyramid scheme is.

simply selling man makeup. And I'm telling you that the man makeup is

front for trickling money to the top. You know this. So what, what? Are you

calling me a liar?

No. Are you calling me a liar? I'm not calling you a liar.

Sounded like you were calling me a liar. I'm not calling you a liar. I'm saying

that you knew the man makeup company was not on the up and up.

Which means I'm a liar.

What are you doing? I don't think you want to represent somebody who's a liar.

Lloyd, I didn't say you were a liar. I'm going to get my own lawyer. I don't

need you.

And you can have Christmas by yourself.

As soon as it's cleared up, I'm going back to Georgia.

Georgia? I thought you were in Reno.

First I was in Reno. Then I went to Georgia.

Mr. Felder, come on back, please. Excuse me, Dr.

Bertone. Oh, hey, Warren.

Uh, listen, um, Mark Vanneker won't tell me how his checkup went, so I thought

I'd just go straight to the source.

Uh -huh. Why the concern?

Well, man, I just don't want to see him end up in the hospital like his dad. I

could appreciate that, but I can't really talk about Mark without his

permission. No one needs to know.

Right, Mr. Felder?

See, look at him. Mr. Felder's cool, right?

Uh -huh.

Okay. Okay, we'll catch you later, buddy.

Oh, hey.

What you playing there, Carmela? The SpongeBob SquarePants. Oh, cool. Sounds

like a lot of fun.

I borrowed it from my nephew. It's a wonderful game.

I bet. Hey, do you mind if I take a look at that? Of course, of course.

Oh, great.

You see?

I am a sponge that wears pants.

I move stick to the left. Sponge goes to the left. I move stick to the right.

Sponge goes to the right. And what about that other one?

Oh, it will make sponge fight with jellyfish and turtles, et cetera, et

Oh, no, look at the squid.

He's coming for you.

Goodbye,

squid.

You nailed that little bastard. Didn't you? Wonderful.

Would you like to try? Oh, no, thanks. That's your game. You have fun.

Do you taste something from coming? No, of course not. Enjoy your game. Oh,

okay. Goodbye.

Bye.

Mr. Stevens, you're in a heap of trouble.

We've been tracking Masculinity Corporation for quite some time now. If

client cooperates, what kind of a deal would you propose?

Deal? There's no deal.

I've got your client dead to rights and I'm going to prosecute him to the

fullest extent of the law.

I see.

You see?

Now, if he chooses to answer some of my questions and does a thorough job, it

might put me in a little better mood.

Okay. I see. Shh. Okay.

When does law school kick in? Calm down, Lloyd.

Mr. Stevens, what can I do for you?

I'm Lloyd's brother.

Oh, Stevens.

Stevens. I didn't make the connection.

And I'm also his lawyer. I'll be taking over for Mr. Sally.

Hey, Ed.

Sorry, Kim. Ed.

It's all right.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Now, where are we, Miss Rogers?

Hey, what you working on, player?

Spanish. What's the word for positively?

I don't know, chimichanga?

Hey, listen, you got a second?

Why? Well, I did a little internet research that I just kind of wanted to

with you.

Unless it's topless photos of the Bold and the Beautiful's Hunter Tylo, I

don't have the time.

Actually, I think you'll find the subject to be quite compelling.

What is it?

It's, um, gastric bypass surgery.

I don't believe this.

Dr. Burton talked to you?

No. There's no such thing as privacy in this world.

Listen, he didn't talk to me, okay? I, uh...

I actually sort of stole your file from his office.

What?

Because everyone's worried about you, okay? And rightly so, it turns out.

Sheswick, just please, take a minute and read this film. I know all about it,

okay? They shrink down your stomach to the size of a hacky sack, so all you can

eat is like a teaspoon of mashed carrots, and then the pounds just melt

which is great, except it doesn't always work, and every now and then it kills

somebody. And oh yeah, how about those lucky folks who vomit every day because

the food backs up in their guts?

Daily vomiting, Warren.

How's that sound?

Listen,

you've got to do something, okay, Mark? What do you think this is, Warren? You

think they just give me a magic pill and all of a sudden I'm Lara Flynn Boyle?

It doesn't work like that. I know it doesn't, I know, but Dr.

Burton seems to think you're a good candidate for this. Well, Dr. Burton

going to be doing the daily vomiting.

I've got to go to class.

All right.

I'll see you later.

Thank you for coming in.

Oh, you got your resume.

Oh, a Santa resume.

Very impressive, Mr.

Nicholas. Now, I know you don't expect me to really believe your name is

Nicholas. It's a stage name. My real name is Dan Stickle. Oh, you come highly

recommended. I'm the best there is.

Oh, and confident, man. I like that. So, let me tell you my requirement.

I get a five -minute break every hour. No pets on the lap, no props on the lap,

no children over the age of 12 on the lap.

Fake snow must be styrofoam or cotton, no shredded paper, confetti,

asbestos, salt, lint, or talcum powder. The Santa chair must have lumbar

support. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.

I ain't even hired you yet.

I'm the best there is.

All right, let me be the judge of that.

All right, let me hear your ho, ho, ho.

What? You know, your ho, ho, ho.

Hit me with your ho, ho, ho.

I'm here to meet, not to audition.

What? You've seen my work. You know what I can do.

No, I ain't seen your work.

So let me hear your ho, ho, ho. Well, I'm not going to do that.

Well, I ain't going to hire Santa Ed. I can't believe this damn Santa Claus

coming here with an attitude.

Talking about snow got to be made out of cotton balls.

No asbestos, no talcum powder.

Lint. Wait a minute. Who do you know used lint to make snow in the first

Your brother here is involved in a pretty serious pyramid scheme.

Are you charging him or something, or are you here to play Mahjong? This is

I know.

I know Lloyd here paid Vinnie Frida $1 ,000 to join this little masculinity

pyramid club.

I also know Lloyd hired two people who also paid $1 ,000 to join this club.

Now, there are some things I'd like to know.

And what's in it for my client?

What's in it for your client?

That's right. Your client is going to jail, and I'm going to put him there.

What's in it for your client?

Well, if he cooperates, it's for me to be a little less fervent in how long I

put him there.

Come on, Lloyd.

What? We have nothing else to talk about here.

Hey, she seems pretty pissed. Are you sure? Lloyd, stand up. Follow me to the

door. You want me to file charges? Fine, I'll file charges.

Hey, Lloyd, let me teach you a little something about district attorneys. Now,

when they come on this strong, it usually means one of two things. One,

have an airtight case. Or two, they have no case at all.

Which one is it?

Miss Rogers here, she has no evidence. Now, she has a little hunch, and she

needs you to help her turn that hunch into something more. Mr. Stevens.

But in order for that to happen, well, she knows she needs to make a deal.

Fine.

If he tells me the names of Vinnie Freda's inner circle, I'll get him two

in a minimum security facility.

Come on, Lloyd. Let's go to the health club and have a schvitz. Well, we're not

Jewish.

He gives me the names, and I won't press charges.

Well, that sounds like something.

Eddie? Yeah? I can't do that.

Can you excuse us for a moment?

You are going to tell this woman everything you know, and you're going to

right now. Well, I don't know anything. I was never at any meetings. I know

Vinnie from high school. I don't know anything about the government scheme.

Listen to me. You cannot Lloyd your way out of this one. This woman will throw

you in jail. I thought you said she didn't have any evidence, that it was a

hunch. I was bluffing. Really? That was good.

Are you going to tell the DA the truth? I am telling her the truth.

My client does not accept the deal.

Okay. I guess I'll be in touch. I guess so.

You serious about the schvitz?

I can't wait to bust out of this joint.

Tomorrow, right?

Thank God.

I'm bored as hell.

So how are you passing the time around here?

TV, mostly.

They're running a Christmas marathon.

Oh, the great old specials. Ah, gotta love that.

Which one's your favorite?

I gotta go with Rudolph.

How come?

The Island of Misfit Toys.

I always figured I'd end up there at some point.

Well, what would make you say a stupid thing like that?

Have you taken a look at me lately?

Yes, I have.

And you look damn good to me.

You look like a man of powerful appetites.

Boundless spirit and true gusto for the pleasures of life. Nothing wrong with

that now, is there?

Now, which reminds me, I need to ask you a favor.

What's that?

The guys at Stucky Bowl needed Santa, and I had to decline.

How would you like to fill in for me?

Santa? I don't know. Fanticore men have a long, proud tradition of wearing the

red and white in this town.

Okay, sure.

That a boy!

Look at you.

You're solving cases. You're fixing pin setters. I mean, how do you do it?

Seriously. How do you know how to fix a pin setter? I read the manual.

You see, I could never do that.

I'm not a big fan of stuff in single space.

It's overkill.

What can you do for your life?

What can you do for me? I don't know.

Going to court. Got to prepare.

Hey, Eddie, watch this. I came up with something. Look at this. Look at this.

I never knew that masculinity was a pyramid scheme.

I just thought I was selling makeup to men.

See that? I didn't blink once.

That's a sign that someone's telling the truth. Juries pick up on that.

I thought you were telling the truth.

Oh, I am.

I mean, I didn't know masculinity was a pyramid scheme.

Right.

Oh, right. I see.

I see where we're going with this. You think I'm lying?

All right. Well, that's good to know.

It's been a very educational evening, Ed.

Very educational.

What? You're waiting for me to stop you? I'm not stopping you.

Are you actually calling me a liar?

Why don't you say it, okay?

Why don't you just say, say, I think you're lying.

I think you're lying.

Why did you say that?

It's just what you do, Lloyd. You lie. It's who you are.

Wow.

So you don't trust your own brother.

Why should I, Lloyd? What reason have you ever given me to trust you?

I've given you plenty of reasons.

Really? Name one.

Name one.

Okay. Now, how about I go ahead and name some reasons why I shouldn't trust you?

For example, how about the time you convinced me to turn Stuckyville into a

nightclub? Now, what did you say, Lloyd? You remember you said, hey, hey, hey,

give me this chance and I'll work really hard. I saw that coming. You couldn't

wait to throw that in my face, could you? You want more, Lloyd? I got a

truckload. I don't need this.

I taught you how to ride a bicycle.

I don't need it either.

What does that mean? That means I'm going to do whatever I can to help you

through this court case because I'm your brother. But after that, that's it.

That's it? Wait, whoa, whoa. What do you mean by that's it?

That's it, Lloyd. This time I'm walking away.

It's just pre -court jitters.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

It's 11 pipers piping, 10 lords of leaping. Yeah, but who would even want

lords of leaping? I mean, yeah, sure.

For the first couple of days it'd be fun, but then by like March, you want to

after the bastards with a fly swatter.

Fly swatter won't deter lords, especially if they're leaping.

Ed, where's Lloyd?

We had a big fight. Why? What happened to the two of you? He thinks I think

lying. Why's that?

Because I said, Lloyd, I think you're lying.

That'll do it.

What if he's not lying?

You're probably never going to know.

And then his deep -seated resentment for me will fester and we'll be driven even

further apart.

What a heartwarming Christmas story. It is, isn't it?

And speaking of Christmas, Mike, I have the sum of $10 in my pocket, which can

be yours if you stand on your chair and sing my favorite Christmas carol to the

entire patronage of the Smiling Goat.

You gotta at least say it right. Ten bucks. Mic up on a chair.

You're a bad man.

There he goes.

Oh.

Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff.

Ruff, ruff, ruff.

Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff.

Santa's going to take a little break and we'll be right back.

You know, I'm not one to toot my own horn.

I think I make a pretty good Santa.

Oh, you're better than good.

You inhabit the role with a breezy confidence.

Like Burt Reynolds in Sharky's Machine.

Thank you.

So, what would you like?

What would I like?

A double cheeseburger, please.

Cooked rare as true love itself.

And mustard.

Mayo and grilled tomatoes.

Grilled tomatoes.

Trust me. And while you're building that, I'll take one of those fine

doggies. Coming right up.

Hey, Chris Kringle, as I live and breathe, you look fantastic.

Fantastic. Very nice.

Hey, what is that?

An hors d 'oeuvre.

Are you kidding me?

Uh -uh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, don't you swallow that. You

said you were going to cut back.

I can't do it, Warren.

Why not?

Because I can't do it. Oh, come on.

You're not even trying. You've got to try a little bit. Give it a couple days.

Focus your willpower.

Focus my willpower? Yes.

Cheswick, you don't have a damn clue what you're talking about.

Hey, look. No, no. I'm sick of your condescending crap.

Focus my willpower?

You know what? Let's see you fly.

Come on. Let's see you stand up, flap your arms, and fly across the room.

I can't fly.

Well, come on. You haven't even tried. Come on. Let's flap your arms. Let's go.

Come on. Focus your willpower. Mark, I get it. Okay, I'm sorry.

No, you don't get it.

You will never get it.

So what am I supposed to do? Just shut up and let you kill yourself?

Yeah, yeah. You know, that sounds perfect. Why don't we do that from now

Mrs. Stevens, how long did you work for the Masculinity Pyramid Club?

Objection. Assuming fact's not an evidence, no one has proven that

is a pyramid club.

Sustained. Nine weeks.

Lloyd, sustained means you don't answer the question.

Well, what's the big deal? I worked there nine weeks. It's not a big deal,

Lloyd. I'm just trying to do my job. Well, forgive me. It's a little

I'm on trial over here. I understand. Like, calm down, please. What, now I'm

idiot? Because I don't know what sustained means in a legal sense? Why do

have to, like, argue to... Are you two finished?

Yes, Your Honor.

Yes, ma 'am.

Did you pay Vinnie Frieda $1 ,000 to join Masculinity?

For supplies, yes.

For supplies.

I see.

And were you instructed to go out and find people to pay you $1 ,000 each to

join Masculinity and buy supplies?

I hired a couple of guys, yeah. And did you give that money to Mr. Frieda? Yes.

And let me guess, was there a little recruiting bonus for you when they

up? Well, I got $100 per person. And when those two signed anyone up, would

get? An additional bonus?

Well, that's part of the incentive plan.

Mr. Stevens, do you know what a pyramid club is?

No. Well, yes, now.

I do. It's since been explained to me.

I'll say. You described one perfectly.

Objection. Sustained.

Nothing further at this time.

Mr. Stevens, when Vincent Frida contacted you about selling makeup for

he say anything at all about a pyramid scheme?

No, Ed. He did not.

Okay, Mr. Stevens, so you simply thought you were selling a product, correct?

Yes, Dad.

Stop calling me that. What?

Objection. You can't whisper.

Mr. Stevens, no whisper. No, he was just telling me not to call him that. Lloyd,

what are you doing? Well, otherwise they're going to think something bad's

on. Listen, Lloyd, when I whisper something to you, perhaps it's meant for

your ears only. Well, I don't know how it works. You know,

you two are starting to remind me of me and my wife.

And part of the reason I come here is not to be reminded of me and my wife.

Yes, Your Honor. Forgive me, Your Honor. He humbly apologizes.

What? Is there something wrong with that?

Mrs. Stevens, your focus was on selling products, not on getting the recruitment

fee that you get by hiring others to join masculinity, correct?

Excuse me, Your Honor.

I'd like to request a one -hour recess.

I'm actually kind of in the middle here.

Approach, both of you.

What is so important, Consular?

Your Honor, I've just received a note that may have a material impact on this

case. What is it?

I can't discuss it.

But if you grant me this recess, I promise it'll be crystal clear when I

back. Well, I could have used lunch anyway.

Court is recessed for one hour.

Oh, Mark.

Dad. You're home.

Your mother just dropped me off.

Where'd she go? Do some errands.

I thought I'd sneak in a little nosh before she gets back.

Is it okay for you to be eating that stuff?

It's just a little pepperoni. Does wonders for the morale.

Want some?

No, thanks.

I'll get it.

Probably your mother.

Hello?

I'm fine, Elaine.

Just reading the paper.

What I'm asking is how you think it's gone so far. Lloyd, you can keep asking

and asking. The answer's not going to change. I don't know, okay? I wish you'd

been this worried when you decided to sign up for the pyramid scheme in the

first place. Oh, there you go again.

Well, you're in luck.

How so? I'm dropping the case.

What? I'm free? Yes, you are, Mr. Stevens.

What happened?

Vinifredo just confessed everything.

He's naming the names of the people higher up than him. It was kind of the

of the whole charade anyway.

And he didn't name Lloyd's name or he'd still be on trial, right?

Nope. I knew your brother didn't know anything, Mr. Stevens.

I just needed to apply a little pressure from the ground up.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Lloyd, Lloyd, wait, look.

Lloyd, I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

Add your reasons.

Hey, listen, Lloyd, no, I made a mistake.

I made a mistake, all right?

I thought you weren't telling the truth, and you were. I apologize. Look, you

told me how you really feel about me, that I'm a liar and I'm untrustworthy.

got nothing to apologize about.

All right, come on. Come on. Admit it. Admit it. Sometimes you're not exactly

straightforward about stuff, and that's how I thought you were being here.

You know what, Ed? You made decisions about me a long time ago.

And there's nothing in the world I can do to change your mind about who I am.

That's not true.

No, it is true. And I tell you something else. You like it that way.

That's right.

You like that I'm the screw -up brother that makes it easy on you.

What are you talking about? Well, this way you can do just enough to fulfill

your brother's requirements and never anymore.

You can give me money, you can help me out.

But would you ever call me to tell me that Carol broke your heart?

No.

Because you really don't like me, Ed.

And that's okay.

Because I'm really not that crazy about you either.

Oh, hey, Mark.

Hey, Dr. Burton.

You're heading out?

Yeah, to the Christmas party. What's up?

I think I want to look into that gastric bypass thing after all.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that, Mark.

I'll come.

I've always thought that getting that surgery is like saying I surrender.

You know, I'm such a colossal failure as a human being that I'll never be able

to stop overeating on my own.

So what made you change your mind?

I just realized that I can't afford to give a rat's ass.

I want to live.

You better watch out. You better not cry.

You better not fight.

I'm telling you why.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

He's making a list. He's checking it twice.

He's going to find out who's more nice.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

He knows where your...

I think on some level, Carol and I love each other. Probably always will love

each other. The timing was never right. You know what I mean?

But we're in a good place with each other now.

Moving on, moving forward. I'm good with it.

I'm good with it.

I'm sorry, Lloyd.

You know, Lloyd, you should...

You're sorry to me a thousand times. No matter how angry I am, you have always

accepted your apology because you're my brother.

And now I'm asking the same.

Is that a little smile?

Is that a little smile?

Show me a smile.

Are you doing me right now?

What's it about you not being crazy about your brother, Eddie? I mean, I

sound like that.

I don't sound like that. I don't sound like that. Say you're crazy about your

brother, Eddie.

Are you going to say you're crazy about your brother, Eddie?

Are you going to say it? Say it.

Say you're crazy about your brother, Eddie.

I'm crazy about my brother, Eddie.

from the very beginning he was so in love with her nothing else mattered

Now there's someone else who has her eye on him.

On Good Morning Miami, one man's quest for true love may lead him to someone

else.

Things are getting very interesting on an all -new Good Morning Miami, NBC

Thursday.