Original subtitles

Jim, I'm sick of you two lovebirds looking at each other like that. Now,

get out of my sight. That's right, all of you. Hit the bricks.

It's pretty good there, Ed, your regular soupy sail.

See you later.

That's right, hit the bricks. Say it walking, kid. Show off.

Hey, Carol.

Hey, Carol's here. Carol can be on your team. What are you talking about? I'm

already strapped with Nancy.

Hey, I'm a flying bowler. Who's talking about bowling?

Oh, look, honey, there goes what little chance you had of having sex tonight.

Hey,

what's the matter?

Um... I just read in the paper that Larry Parker died.

What?

Well,

I feel bad.

Like, am I supposed to bawl after you find out somebody's died?

Like, turn.

Oh, how beautiful.

The car was traveling south on Grandview Avenue just before Greenbrook Road when

it apparently skidded on some wet leaves and slid into a telephone pole, police

said. Mr. Parker was rushed to St. Luke's Medical Center where he was

dead at 11 .14 p .m.

He survived by his wife Rita and his son Ryan.

Can I ask who he was?

Just a guy we all went to high school with. I haven't actually spoke to him

since we graduated.

Such a shock. I'm like, you talked to him?

No, not since high school.

You and Gary Parker?

We didn't exactly travel in the same circles back then.

Actually, I dated his older brother for a couple years.

Right, Brian.

Hey, um, weren't you in that geeky band with him?

Oh, that's right. What was the name of that?

It's not... It's unimportant.

It's unimportant.

Youthful Dimensions or... No, no, no, no, no. It's, um... It was Band of You.

What was it, you guys?

Youth Bandits.

What? The Youth Bandits. The band's name was Youth Bandits. Oh, right.

32 years old, a wife, a kid.

One day everything's fine, the next it's gone.

Yeah, sometimes life is especially good at sucking.

Oh, I blew it.

Simply put, I blew it.

How about now?

Do I look Spanish now?

What is it with you and Spanish Club anyway?

Hey. I work hard, I play hard.

Hey, guys, excuse me, I'm moping over here. Can I get a little attentione, por

favor? You're pathetic.

You went on a date with Jessica Martel. She didn't have a good time. Gee, I

wonder why.

Could it be because she's a boring, shallow airhead who'd rather hang out

her boring, shallow airhead friends? No, no, no, no, that's just it. I'm telling

you, she's none of those things.

You're having trouble thinking through your testosterone.

And, of course, here we say testosterone.

I'm telling you, she's just like one of us. Yeah, Jessica Martel is just like

us. Every guy in school wants Jessica Martel. Last time a woman wanted me was

when my grandmother spent three days believing I was Ephraim Zimbalist Jr.

I gotta do something.

You know, Jessica and I were clicking. We were synced up.

And then I inadvertently implied I was happy she wasn't a bitch. And that was

it. Kaput. Game over.

Just talk to her, Jessica.

I tried.

She's written me off.

No, no, no.

What's called for now is a grand gesture of apology.

Who is Ephraim Zimbalist, Jr.? Oh, Matt.

Oh, God.

Matt.

Matt.

Oh, hey.

Mike. Mike.

Mike, we didn't know you. I didn't think you were... Honey, this is so not what

it looks like. It's not what it looks like, Matt. Yeah.

You two never get tired of that joke, do you?

No.

In this way, if you ever do catch us, we're going to have an out. If you get

to have sex, God bless you. He just gave us a green light. We'll be back

downstairs in an hour. Honey, with you, I'm thinking it's more like 45 seconds.

Whoa, whoa. Hey, check this stuff I found in the attic. Oh, my God.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, did you go to the Parkers? Yeah.

And? How'd it go?

Oh, it was horrible.

Yeah? I haven't seen the family in years. They're just really...

broken up over all this. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, I'm sure they are.

This wife is so nice.

She's about our age.

They have this adorable little son.

It's just, I don't know.

It's sad.

It is sad. Here, look at some old embarrassing pictures of Mike and I to

you up.

I don't want to do the trick.

Bingo.

Someone called the geek police.

Oh, heavens.

What were you two thinking?

What's wrong with it? Hey, as long as you call in the geek police.

Ta -da.

Oh, God.

Lloyd.

Actually, I think you look kind of hot.

Really? Yeah. Kind of?

Settle down, married people.

Bill.

Hello, Molly. I know the gang all thinks it's adorable to call you Molls, but

rather than make everyone with an earshot throw up, I'm going to stick

Molly. What are you doing here?

Well, Bertie told me about your adult education class.

What is this?

Philip Washington Stubbs? I'm going to need a high school diploma.

You didn't graduate high school? Left after the 10th grade.

Why?

Let's just say that certain business opportunities arose.

Now, do you think I could get a diploma with one of those gold seals on it, or

does that cost extra?

Phil. I'm not just going to give you a high school diploma.

You want a flat screen TV?

What? I can get you a flatty for 200 bucks. You pop a DVD into one of those

of bitches, you'll have surround sound shooting out your ass.

As much as I appreciate the lovely offer, if you actually want a high

diploma, you're going to have to sit down and take my class.

Right.

It's all about appearances.

Gotcha.

Why don't you wink at me?

Hey, how you doing?

Nice three -ring binder.

Fun to be me.

Oh, look at this one.

Oh, there we are, the youth bandits.

17 years old, not a care in the world.

Yeah, never in a million years would you guess what would happen to him.

You know, maybe we should take all the pictures of Larry and him and give them

to his family. Oh, that's a nice idea.

Hey, they'd like that.

Mike. What?

Oh, my God, I forgot all about that.

Me too.

It's a video. What is it? Should we watch it? We'll know what's on there,

What's on there? I think we should watch it. We should pretend we didn't find

it. We did find it. Okay, Maya and Ginny actually died of curiosity, so be

aware. I have that gene.

Put it in.

It's me, Larry.

So, uh, I've been thinking about... She's a bitch, but I love her.

And, uh, I really think if we get that song into the right hands, we could pop.

I'm serious.

I'm talking big time, all the way.

Immortality, baby. Golden dreams!

Whoa!

Man, what a little spaceship it's been, right?

So, uh, listen.

I just want you guys to know that...

You've been this means world to me.

I mean when I'm here jamming. That's the happiest I get And I

want you guys to promise me something Promise me And when I die no

matter not together anymore no matter where you are no matter what's going on

your lives Once you promise me that you'll come to my funeral Reunite youth

bandits

In place, she's a bitch, but I love her.

I mean, how cool would that be, right?

It'd be the happiest moment of my life.

I mean, you know.

So, promise me that.

Anyway, all right, I gotta split. I'm gonna go take Michelle to go see Space

Boss.

Peace.

What are we going to do?

Oh, you can't be serious.

Of course I'm serious.

No, you're not.

You're not serious. Yes, I'm serious. You saw the tape. We promised him. We

him we'd do it. There's no way we're going to reassemble some crappy high

rock band and ruin the funeral of a guy we haven't spoken to in 15 years. I said

no matter where, no matter when, I want you guys to get together and play...

That song at my funeral. You want to play She's a Bitch, But I Love Her at a

man's funeral? I don't necessarily want to, but I think that just might be our

duty here.

Ed. What? That tape was made by a 17 -year -old kid. So what? So he's a 17

-old kid who didn't understand anything.

Did you promise him?

Mike, did you promise him?

Yes, because I was a 17 -year -old kid who didn't understand anything. Well, I

promised him, too, okay? And I'll see how we can turn our back on our promise.

Ed. What? You are being crazy about this. Now, look, we all always go along

your ridiculous ideas, but not this time. Case closed.

Let it go. I can't let it go. You know why? I made a promise to a friend. Yeah,

I know.

Fifteen years ago. You know what?

I don't care. He asked us to play the song. I told him I would play the song.

I'm playing the song.

Nancy, tell him this is a ridiculous thing to do.

Anyone want some cashews?

I think they're nice.

Party.

Ed! What?

It's not about what you should or shouldn't do at Larry Parker's funeral.

is about his family, his wife, his son.

Don't you think there's someone else who should be consulted here?

Who? Barney Stacuzzo. Who is Barney Catuzzi? Barney Stacuzzo was the fourth

youth band. Barney Stacuzzo was insane back then, and he's probably in a nut

house now. The only reason we let him into the band was because he had a

who was a security guard at the William Morris agents.

Barney Stacuzzo was abandoned. I think he deserves a say.

Hurry, hurry.

There's a small window of opportunity here.

Cheswick, this is stupid.

It's not stupid. This is brilliant.

Has the element of surprise, romance.

How did you get Jessica's lock combination in her? Don't you worry your

little head about that.

No, no,

no.

Hey.

Hey, all right?

See if she's coming. Watch your knees.

Ow!

Good luck.

She's coming.

Okay. Okay, excuse me.

Sorry. Head between the knees.

Head between the knees. Warren, what were you doing hiding in my locker?

I just wanted to... I wanted to apologize for messing up our date.

Boys, I brought you these.

They're roses.

My parents are going out of town and I'm having a party at my place.

What? Am I... Are you coming?

I didn't even... Am I invited?

Yes.

Yeah, cool.

Okay.

Let's go.

Protons, neutrons, electrons.

So then the atom is... Is that yours?

No, that's mine.

Mr. Stubbs.

Enrique. Que pasa, my brother?

Mr. Stubbs.

Are you kidding me? I want as many as you can get your hands on.

Phil.

Enrique is a talker.

Okay, um, we are out of time anyway, so I will see you all on Thursday. Thank

you.

Does anyone here need any walkie -talkies?

Anybody? They make great gifts. Hey, great job tonight.

Seriously, really knew your stuff.

Phil. This is not going to work out. Yeah, how is this going to work anyway?

mean, I am happy to show up here a few more times, you know, so everyone can

my face.

Phil, I am not giving you a diploma.

What? If you want a diploma, you are going to have to pass this course just

everyone else.

Wow, you think you know somebody. This has been a very educational night.

Very educational.

Phil Napo.

Model student you thought he'd be?

Yeah, you could say that.

Might I suggest a one -two punch pizza and beer with Mr.

Friendly Face?

Well,

only if you can promise to hold that ace the whole night.

You got it.

I think my cheeks are cramping.

I don't see how you can both be so eager to ignore a man's final wish. This 17

-year -old boy has nothing to do with a 32 -year -old man who had a wife and a

son and was tragically... Barney Stacuzzo.

You called and I came, mate. I didn't know you had the message.

When a bandit calls, a bandit answers. Come here, bloke.

Oh, and who is this sumptuous flower?

Hi, Carol Bessie.

Right, right.

Didn't we date in high school?

No, no, no, we did not.

So, Barney, what's with the fake English accent? Yeah. Come again, mate? English

accent? You didn't have that growing up? Oh, sure I did, yeah.

It just comes and goes, and it gets to where I don't even notice it anymore.

Did you hear about Larry?

Yeah, it's a total bummer.

So, when do we start rehearsing for the funeral?

See, finally, a man who makes sense.

Ed, it's a man who speaks with an English accent sometimes.

No offense.

None taken, love.

So, Barney, what's your deal now, anyway? Like, what do you do for a

you a musician?

Oh, me? No, no, no. I work at the Banana Republic out on Route 46.

That's good.

Yeah, I totally lucked out.

Dude, dude, check it out.

Hi. Jennifer Young just talked to me at the cheese truck. Hi, what'd she say?

Excuse me, but she was very friendly.

Hi, dude, you're in.

Hey, listen.

I really appreciate you bringing me to this party tonight. I know me being here

makes you less cool and everything.

Come on, what are you, kidding me?

Hey, hey, hey.

I mean, you've been together a long time. Ain't no Jessica Martel in the

that can break that stuff up.

You all right?

Take a hand off my shoulder?

Oh, yeah, okay.

Hey, Warren.

I've been looking for you all night. Oh, here I am.

May I help with school? I brought my buddy Mark Vanacore.

Yeah, no problem.

Oh, hey, Mark.

What school do you go to?

Oh, um...

Mark goes to Stucky Valley School with us.

Oh, I'm sorry. Such a big class.

Warren. Yeah.

I was beginning to get some air.

You want to go for a walk with me?

Yeah, sure.

Walking's cool.

You know, that was pretty romantic, what you did today.

Yeah. Oh, well.

I've always believed that romance dances between what should be and what is, you

know? It's like a delicate tango of sorts between... Warren.

Why? Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

Sometimes I inadvertently slip into my impress mode.

You don't need to.

I just really wanted to apologize to you.

It meant a lot to me.

Really?

Yeah.

Are you gonna... Oh, you're... Oh, boy.

Why don't we ask Larry's wife and parents what we should do?

Because we are not going to burden the family with this insanity.

We owe it to Larry to do this. We owe it to Larry. You have no idea what Larry

would have wanted. Larry Parker was a rebel he absolutely would have wanted.

Larry Parker was a rebel at 17, but you have no idea if Larry Parker was a rebel

at 32.

I don't need to... Oh, he was definitely a rebel at 32.

How do you know? I spoke to him. You spoke to him? You spoke to him. Yeah, he

came into the Republic.

When was this? About two years ago. He bought cargo pants.

And what was he like?

Very...

Rebellious? There you go. Case closed.

What? You can't tell if someone is rebellious watching them buy cargo

No, we talked and stuff, but I'm telling you, it was the same Larry, just like

we remembered him. He still plays the drums. Really? Yeah, and he plays with a

band every weekend.

No kidding.

Mike, we got to do this. We made a promise.

Well, maybe it is what he wanted.

Okay. Johnny!

Mike, you are making a huge mistake.

I'm sorry, Yoko, but you don't get a vote in this. Ladies and gentlemen, the

youth bandits are back in business.

I haven't played my bass in ten years. Mike's like riding a bike.

I've ruined my bike in ten years.

You see these lips?

How could I miss them? You're a damn platypus.

Last night, these lips skipped the light fandango with those of Jessica Martell.

I'm sorry, what?

I kissed Jessica. She kissed me.

Eight times minimum.

I swear to God, I got busy with Jessica. Hey, guys.

Hey, Jess.

I had fun last night.

All right. The party, yeah. It was cool.

See you later.

This isn't

happening.

That's right, Diane.

It's time to forget everything you thought you knew.

Black is white.

Down is up.

And Logic's on a ski vacation with his buddy Reason.

Hey, you guys know what I'm going to do?

Do?

You have Jessica Martel. There's nothing left to do. Retire to Florida, my

friend.

I'm going to get a tattoo.

A tattoo?

You? Why?

Because last night I achieved Nirvana.

And I want to make sure I remember it forever.

Welcome to the Terror Dome.

Oh, man.

I feel like I've gone back in time.

This, my friends, is a perfect recreation of my parents' garage circa

I even copied the grease stain on the floor. Remember, it kind of looked like

Greenland. Bonnie, you're scaring me. You have nothing to fear but rock

Now grab that bass, Mikey, and Ed, lay your blessed hands on that guitar.

You're stealing the yes, huh? Why, uh, yes.

Okay, so why don't we get started here? I think I remember how this goes.

Let's see.

Hello?

Carol?

Wow. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Um, Mike, Ed, Barney, uh...

This is Tommy, Joel. We just met over at the Parker's. He works with Larry at

the magazine subscription clearinghouse. Yeah, the cubicle next to mine.

Hell of a guy.

So the thing is, I asked Tommy a few questions about Larry, and his answers

didn't exactly jibe with what Barney had already told us. What do you mean?

Well, Carol was talking like Larry was some kind of music freak.

That didn't seem right.

It didn't? No, he didn't.

Play music, didn't talk about music, nothing.

No, but Larry won a record contract.

No, not Larry. I don't think so.

You know, guys, I forgot to get eggs this morning.

I'm just going to go buy some eggs. No, you're not. Listen, Tommy, so he never

mentioned the youth bandits, for example?

The what? You ever practice the drums or talk about breaking into the music

business? Nah, I was over at his house for dinner a few times, didn't see any

drums. Larry was just a regular guy.

We got on really well because we're both huge Dilbert fans.

Uh, Barney?

Yeah, you know, I might have taken a few liberties with the truth.

You never ran into him, did you?

Look, I just thought it would be really cool if we were to play at the funeral.

And I think Larry would have wanted it that way, too.

You obviously don't know anything at all about Larry. Okay, let's go.

Hang on a second, Mike. Look, Tommy, you might not have...

I might not have been into music or talked to you about the youth fantasy,

Larry's a bit of a wild man, though, right?

A wild man?

You know, a rebel.

Well, yeah, in a way, I suppose he was.

Tell us. Well, let's see.

We're supposed to answer the phone.

Hello, data processing.

A few times I heard Larry say, yellow, data processing.

Or just, yellow.

Regular James Dean.

Nothing like the company of a good woman.

It invigorates the soul, it does.

I better get over to my violin lesson.

All right.

So, uh, just you busy later, or...? What do you have in mind?

Ah, I thought we'd take him on stage.

We could, uh, swing over to Treach.

What's a stage?

It's a station wagon.

And what's Treach?

Arthur Treach's fishing ships.

Oh.

Okay. Okay, awesome.

Yes. So, uh, I'll pick you up at seven.

Bye, Warren. All right, bye.

My good friend, Romeo Chadwick.

Miss Bessie, what's up?

Don't get a tattoo, Warren.

What?

I'm not... What? Warren, I heard Mark tell Russell, dude, Warren's getting a

tattoo, so... Oh, yeah, I'm not... I'm not the only Warren in the world, Miss

Bessie. Warren Beatty, ring a bell?

Ever hear of a little something called Bulworth?

Warren, it's not a good idea. You may not be aware of this, but tattoos are

actually quite popular among the younger set.

How old do you think I am?

I just,

I'm trying to look out for you, Warren. You can't just wash off a tattoo when

you get sick of it. Well, I'm not going to get sick of it.

You know that someday you'll be 40 and you'll feel... Feel awfully silly when

kids go, what's that goofiest thing on your shoulder? I know all this, Miss

Fessy. Exactly. So why are you doing this? Look, if I regret my tattoo when

40, all that means is that I'll be wrong when I'm 40.

Look at me, Miss Fessy. I am young and I am in love.

You know, my life right now is like an orange dream waiting to be picked.

I never want to forget this feeling.

Warren. Thank you for the after -school special, Miss Fessy.

I'll get you later.

All

right,

Stubbs. Put the mop down. Shift your brain and drive.

What's going on?

There's going to be a test this weekend. You are going to pay.

Hey, I'm a right -brain guy. I don't know anything about science. That's

I'm going to tutor you.

Huh? You want a diploma?

I can help you.

Physics, chemistry, biology, we're going to cover it all. If you're willing to

buckle down, pay attention, and work with me for a few hours, you can pass

test and you'll be on your way. So, how about it?

You're either in here or out right now.

I'm in.

Every day, begging for a word of praise.

I put aside my foolish games.

I run and hide and call a name.

School's out, bells will ring.

Now's the time to teach me everything.

Teach you, teach you, teach me love.

I can't learn that enough.

Teach you, teach you, teach me more.

I got to learn to love for sure.

Lesson one just begun.

Growing up ain't much fun.

Growing up out of school.

Out of love and out of roots.

No one there to tell me how.

Different world.

Did you, did you know?

Did you, did you teach me love?

I can't learn it fast enough.

Teach me more.

Mind if I wait in the car?

What's the matter?

I feel like I'm going to get a hepatitis just standing here.

Don't be such a baby.

Good evening, sir.

Some very challenging body archers sporting.

Can I help you, gentlemen?

Yes.

Hi.

I'm in the market for a tattoo.

I need something like something very spiritual, mystical, shamanistic.

Will any of these do it for you?

I don't know.

What about that one?

A pentagram?

No.

No, I need something that says, like, forever or eternity, you know?

Oh, oh, I got it. I got it. I know what I want. Which one? No, no, none of

these. I want the mathematical symbol for infinity.

The what? Infinity.

We learned about it in Mr. Curry's class, remember?

No. Well, I'll draw it for you.

Fire up the needle, my man.

You okay, son?

Yeah, never better.

You have the touch of an angel.

He's almost done.

You want anything?

You do henna by any chance?

Warren! Oh, my God. What are you doing to my son? Hey, you want to lower your

volume there, Fred? Drop that needle and step away from my child.

How did you... Miss Bessie called me. What is wrong with you? I just... And

Why didn't you stop him?

Mr. Cheswick, I'm a civil libertarian. You are a moron. All right, let's see

Mr. Tattoo.

Let's see what you got there, Mr. Genius Tattoo.

The number eight?

No, no, no, you're reading it wrong. It's an infinity symbol. Let's go.

Come on, let's go. Hey, mister, your son owes me for that. You think I'm going

to pay for the eight on his back?

Think again, Jethro. Shut up.

Not a word. Not a word.

Hi, Ed.

Hey.

Hey, listen, you'll be happy to hear that the Youth Bandits reunion tour is

officially canceled.

Thank God. Yes, you're right, Carl Bessie.

There's no way Larry would have wanted us to play. It just makes me sad.

That's all.

It shouldn't.

Every 17 -year -old kid wants to grow up and be a rock star.

Most of them just wise up and grow out of it.

Could I get a beer?

See you then.

Why is it always wise up?

Explain to me why we're always so condescending toward our younger selves.

should be looking back in awe of who we were. All that passion, all that fire,

all those dreams, and then it all fades and people say, oh, well, you know,

that's just part of growing up. I think that's tragic.

What did you want to be when you were 17?

Pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds.

Why didn't you do it? It wasn't good enough. Yeah, and you were smart enough

see that at 17.

So what did you do?

You studied. You got into college.

You worked hard. Got into law school. You made a career for yourself.

And you made a life for yourself.

So the 17 -year -old you had to sacrifice a few dreams so the 32 -year

could have a life.

A really good life.

Larry did the same thing.

Only tragedy.

Larry died at 32.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

But?

But I... I can't help but feel like part of them died at 17.

As they have been saying in classrooms since time immemorial, take one, toss it

back. You guys will have 45 minutes to complete the test.

Is everybody ready?

Okay, you can begin.

342. I guess this is it.

Rita Parker?

Thank you.

Hello.

Hi. I'm Ed Stevens. This is Mike Burton.

We're old friends of Larry's.

I'm Rita Parker.

Listen, Rita, we're very, very sorry about your husband.

If there's anything we can do, anything at all... Thank you.

So many people have been coming by.

It really helps.

We brought some pictures and stuff from the old days. Thought you might like to

have them. Oh, yes, it's very kind of you.

You know, some of Larry's friends are planning to speak at the funeral.

If you'd like to, you'd be welcome. Your husband and I kind of fell out of touch

a long time ago, so I'm... I'm not sure that I'd feel... I understand.

Let me get you guys something to drink. Thank you.

Is it just me, or is Ron Howard incapable of making a bad movie?

Warren? Yeah?

Warren? Yeah? I think you're a really great guy.

Yeah? I feel like I've gotten to know you over the past couple weeks, and...

You're really special.

Yeah?

I just... I don't want to lead you on.

Wait, wait, wait. Lead me on?

What does that mean?

I think I need some time alone.

All alone?

As in Sam's war in Cheswick?

Yeah.

Boy, I take it this has something to do with your womanly cycle.

You know, down in the southern... No.

Oh, what then?

Whenever I'm with someone...

My life becomes about that person, and I just... I haven't been single in years,

and I think I need to get to know myself right now. But you do know yourself.

No, Warren, I don't.

Sure you do.

It's so obvious to me you know yourself.

No, I really don't. But you do, you know yourself so well.

Warren, stop!

Okay, okay, so we need to work this through, and...

How long do you see this taking, this getting to know yourself thing?

I really can't say.

Like a week or... I don't know.

So, well, then, when it's over, then you'll go out with me then, right? All

right, cool, cool. I can't promise you that, Warren.

I mean, who knows where life's all taken us by then? Come on, throw a dog a

bone. I'm just trying to be honest.

So this is it? This is... I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

Yes, under one condition.

What's that?

Let me make love to you.

Ken? Just once, please.

It'll take like 15 minutes.

10 minutes, stop. 10 minutes, I'll be out of your hair forever.

I just

can't

believe this is Larry Parker's house, you know? It's Larry Parker's life.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, Mike.

Why don't you take this to some of the people over on the couch? All right?

You got it? It's too heavy? Looks just like his dad.

Yeah.

You guys want some clam dip?

Yeah, sure. What's your name?

Ryan. Clam dip? Yeah, thanks.

Drink? Beer? Wine?

No, thanks. Oh, good, thanks.

Yeah.

You all right, buddy?

Yeah, yeah, Mike, I am.

Hey, Warren.

Oh, hey, Miss Fessy.

Can I join you, or are you still hating me for calling your dad?

I don't hate you.

I mean, you just, like, did what you had to do. I respect that.

So, that look can only mean one thing.

Woman trouble?

Jessica dumped me.

I mean, it lasted a week.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Thanks.

You know, I'm not big on the I told you so's warrant, but in this... Oh, please.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I am going to say it this one time, because I want to make sure you actually

learn something from this experience.

You mean the tattoo?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure you're regretting that right about now.

No, I... I don't really regret it at all.

You don't?

See, for one brief window in time, the laws of the whole universe just bent

on themselves and Warren Cheswick was with Cheswick.

Miss Fessy, deep down I knew that it wasn't going to last.

But as long as I have this tattoo, I'm always going to remember that one

night.

Chris, I only have it till this Saturday because my dad's making me go for

Latham removal.

Sorry.

Hey, Carol.

What are you working on?

I'm trying to figure out what to say at this funeral tomorrow.

You're going to speak?

Yeah, I am. Oh, I'm surprised.

You seem to feel like Larry has let you down.

No, I thought he let himself down. I was wrong.

Seriously wrong.

So was I.

You guys should play that song tomorrow.

We should?

Mm.

You guys have to play that song tomorrow.

Why?

Because Larry would have wanted you to.

A 17 -year -old Larry, not a 32 -year -old Larry. A 32 -year -old Larry would

have been wrong.

All right, people. It is time to face the music.

Mr. Barenbaum, well done.

Miss Stansler, lovely job.

Mr. Stubbs.

F -plus.

What's an F plus? Well, it's a grade that I invented just for you.

I thought that you deserved to pass, but I couldn't quite bring myself to

honoring you with a D minus.

So I passed.

You passed.

Woo!

Come on, give it up, people.

Show me the love, not pasta.

I take it you'll be staying with the class?

You bet your sweet bouzouki I'm staying.

F plus.

F plus.

I guess that's all I have to say, except, Larry, I'm glad I got to know

And, well, whoever takes your place at the office has got a really big

cubicle to fill.

My name is Ed Stevens.

Larry was a good friend of mine long, long ago, far, far away on a planet

high school.

When I knew Larry, he had big dreams, big dreams of becoming a rock star.

In fact, he wanted it so, so badly. He had all the rest of us convinced that it

would actually happen.

So when I found out that he left those dreams behind, I didn't, I was.

I didn't know what to think. What happened to the Larry I knew? What

the Larry who wanted to be immortal?

But then I met his son, Ryan.

And all of a sudden it made sense.

Larry did become immortal.

Just not in the way I thought he would.

So as we celebrate Larry the father and Larry the husband and

Larry the solid, dependable guy that he turned out to be,

Let's also celebrate the Larry I knew.

In fact, let's give him one last chance to speak to us through a song that he

wrote when he was 17.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Youth Bandits.

When you wake up in the morning And find life next to you in bed

And she doesn't stay for breakfast.

Because she's messing with your head.

When life won't return your phone calls.

And she keeps putting you on hold.

And she returns the gifts you bought her. All those trinkets made of gold.

And when the grass is the ceiling and the floor is the sky.

And she's breaking your heart.

When she spits in your face and busts your soul in two.

Well, you're going to want to leave her. But here's what you're going to do.

Here's what you're going to do. You just tell yourself she's a bitch.

But I love her like so bitch.

But I love her crazy bitch.

But I love her so, so good.

She's a bitch.

The likes of today.

We've always admired the great athletes of the Winter Olympics. Franz Klammer.

Dieter Auschlander. Bonnie Blair.

Waldo Nyquist. Katarina Witt. And the ice dancer, Corky Pettigrew. Look, are

making this up? I am not. Who's Corky Pettigrew? The guy I went to summer camp

with. Ed will be back in his regular time slot Wednesdays after the Olympics.

Jules?

Ed returns to NBC Wednesdays after the Olympics.

You know Matt Damon as a big -time movie star. But you've never seen...