Original subtitles

Dennis Martino, I've been looking over your lesson plan, and frankly, I'm not

impressed. 32 teachers in this school. Why do you have it in for me?

Maybe I'm just bored.

I'm going to do a little background check on your buddy Dennis and find some

things out. In his old job, he's inventing after -school programs,

awards, and then he gets fired.

You are obsessed with Dennis Martino.

I am officially out of ideas of how to get through to you.

Okay.

You know, Mike, the Pilgrims had their first Thanksgiving.

They didn't actually have a lot to be thankful for, you know. They just

pretended they did.

Yeah, you know that now.

Common knowledge.

Frontier was a hostile mistress.

Oh, a hostile mistress. I guess somebody's been team -rolling the

Channel, huh? Pilgrims slept in cold, leaky cabins. The food was scarce.

They were often attacked by wild animals.

Yeah, and they had to wear those ridiculous hats.

The hats, right.

Hey, Tony.

You know, Mike, for one day, it just went ahead. They had a big meal, and

chose to feel good.

You know, they didn't let external circumstances dictate the way they're

to feel. Thanks. They just, they decided how they're going to feel, and they

chose to feel good. How cool is that?

Yeah, I'm getting all choked up over here.

But it's cool, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa.

What?

They're canceling the Thanksgiving Day parade.

Yeah, you didn't know that?

No, why are they canceling the parade?

I heard nobody wanted to do it.

I always kind of liked the parade.

Yeah, I guess somebody's in the mood.

Yeah, the economy's lousy, and things are pretty bad out there.

Yeah, I guess.

Hey, hey, check it out, buddy.

See that? See those two ladies right there?

Yeah. Ten bucks to go to those two ladies. Say, excuse me, ladies.

Just wanted to inform you that I'm a jackass.

And you'll walk away.

It's not very creative. Yeah, but very effective. Now, you go over there and do

that.

All right, Scott. Yeah.

Excuse me, ladies.

What do you want, jackass?

That was great, Barbara. Thanks. That was really good. Thanks, Dr. Burton.

She'll owe me $10.

So worth it, my friend.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi, Dennis.

Got your lunch there?

Yeah, late lunch. Early dinner.

Dutch. What? Well, breakfast and lunch are brunch, and so lunch and dinner

be Dutch.

Or dinner. I like to tinker with the language. Well, you are an English

after all. I am, and you are a principal. Mm -hmm. At the same school.

Yeah. Yeah. But on that subject... Do you want to talk about the other

night?

The other night?

Mm.

The other night. I don't think I know what you're... You mean

the... The kiss? Yes.

Yeah. Sure, what do you want to talk about? Well, do you want to talk about

I'd be happy to talk about it if you'd like to talk about it. I think that we

should talk about it. Okay.

You first.

You're the one that wants to talk about it. I thought that we should.

Good, go right ahead.

Okay.

You know, maybe we don't have to talk about this.

You sure? It's up to you. No, I'm good. I'm fine. I'm sorry. All right.

I'm good. Okay, I'm going to go. Okay. All right.

Listen, if you change your mind and you decide you do want to talk about it, you

know where my office is.

Yes, I do.

Wow. What's that delicious smell, hmm?

Ooh, honey, careful. Those are hot.

Doesn't that burn your mouth?

On the pain threshold of a camel.

Do camels have high pain thresholds? Highest in the animal kingdom, huh?

That all burns.

Hey, hey.

Here's my little baby friend.

Hi, Sarah. When were you going to tell Sarah that I'm her real father?

When it was you, I always thought it was the cable guy.

Nice toss, honey. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Little warm, little warm.

Oh, my God.

How is it?

Nancy, this here is the best cookie I've ever tasted.

Dude, pretty good, huh? You guys, how much would you pay for a dozen?

You charging me for baked goods in my own house? No, no, no, honey, not you.

Listen, I am thinking of getting a booth at the farmer's market.

There's some ladies down there selling cookies, and, you know, I've been

like I could use a little project. Get a house, put my brain to work for a

couple hours a day.

I didn't...

That sounds good, huh?

Careful, Mike. What?

I've seen the sitcoms. I know how this goes.

Nancy starts selling the cookies at first just as a hobby, but then pretty

she's making more money than Mike. Mike gets jealous. Nancy and Mike get in a

big fight, which is overheard by the landlord through the pipes. He ends up

misinterpreting the whole thing and thinking Mike is gay.

Mike is gay.

I always thought it was the cable guy.

Worked a minute ago.

Hey, Bosco, remember last Thanksgiving when you went crazier than a crap house

rat and you made that giant 50 -pound meatloaf?

Yeah, that was embarrassing.

Yeah, Phil. People were really lining up to buy your fine Corinthian turkeys,

too, weren't they?

Touche. You guys know that they canceled the parade this year? Yeah, I heard no

one wanted to do it. It's a shame.

I'm a real parade guy.

Really? You're a guy?

Okay, you want to step outside and let me show you how much of a guy I really

am?

Hey, Dennis.

Hey,

Dennis. Welcome to Stucky Bowl.

Is there someplace we can talk privately?

Yeah, sure. Come on in.

Seriously, I'll kick your ass.

What can I do for you? Well, I had a little fender bender yesterday.

I was backing out of the spot, and I hit a guy coming the other way.

Oh, yeah? My legal expertise tells me there's more to this story.

Yeah, there is.

You know, we exchange licenses as a formality, you know.

I mean, there's no damage to either car, really. And I figure that's that, and

then I get that.

Oh, yeah.

The old lawyer's letter.

All right, have a seat.

Oh, yeah. Neck pain?

Back pain?

Oh, this is good. He's having nightmares about you running into him.

The cars were barely moving.

Whoa.

He's suing you for $10 ,000.

Yeah, I know.

It's ridiculous.

That is ridiculous.

Have you contacted your insurance company yet?

Well, you're not going to believe this, but I'm kind of in between policies

right now.

My old one ran out, and I've been meaning to get a new one since I moved

but... Huh.

In case you hadn't noticed, high school principals don't exactly make a lot of

money. $10 ,000 would pretty much clean me out.

I've got to say, this just seems like some guy taking a wild shot at some

Let me ask you a few questions.

When did this happen?

Yesterday after school, 4 .30 p .m.

Okay, where?

Main Street outside the pie shop.

Pie shop. Any witnesses?

Yeah, I was with Carol Vesey.

Carol Vesey?

You were with Carol Vesey.

Good.

Good, great, excellent. I mean, she's an excellent witness. She'll be an

excellent witness. She's a schoolteacher.

I mean, you know she's a schoolteacher.

It'll be a credible profession, so she'll... Great witness, don't you

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah.

Great witness.

Credible profession, Carol Vesey.

Good, good.

That's good.

So, you know, I'll just talk to the guy's lawyer, and we'll sort this out.

Great, thanks.

Okay, you're welcome, Dennis.

And what's Dennis doing here?

Oh, he just told me that he and Carol Bessie hang out together after school.

Are you coming to ask permission?

Hello, Eddie.

Mike, Stuckyville should have the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Thanksgiving what?

There's no reason that this town should have a depressing Thanksgiving. We can

be like the Pilgrims and choose to be happy. Phil!

I think people want a parade.

Not yet, they don't, Mr. Giant Forehead. Phil!

Phil, here's what I want you to do. I want you, Kenny, and Shirley to go

to all the local businesses, start signing people up. Signing people up for

what? For the best darn Thanksgiving Day Parade in Stuckyville history.

I love it.

Okay, people, we got some work to do.

Mike, this is crazy.

Honey, do you think this is crazy?

I don't know how to sell cookies. These cookies are so good, they'll sell

themselves. Yeah, but I've just never done anything like this before. Honey,

nobody's going to want my cookies.

Sure they will, Nance.

Honey, what if they were so good that we went national, you know, like Famous

Amos, and we called them Fancy Nancys?

We call them Cookie Stookyville. Or Cookie Wookie.

I think Fancy Nancy is probably a good name. All right, honey, I'm going to

the sick.

Good luck, Sarah.

Take care of your mom now, all right?

Bye.

Hi. Hi.

Welcome to the farmer's market. I'm Ann Goodhill. Oh, thank you. Hi, I'm Nancy.

And this is Sarah.

Oh, hey there, sunshine.

Well, we just wanted to come over and officially greet the newest cookie mom.

Cookie mom.

That's great. That's great. I've heard of soccer moms. Like I said, I've just

never heard of cookie mom. Well, we all sell cookies, and we're all...

Moms, may we?

Oh, sure. I'd love to hear your opinion.

This son of a bitch is a home run.

Really? Gosh, they're good?

Not just good. This is delicious.

Wow, thank you. You guys are so nice.

Oh, you know what? I forgot to unveil my little sign.

Ta -da!

Is something wrong?

Well, we'd better get back to our booth.

Okay.

Mr. Bellafiori?

Oh, Mr. Stevens.

Very nice to meet you.

Please, have comfort.

Thank... Thank you.

So,

what can we do for each other?

Well, you can start by dropping this ridiculous suit against my client,

Martino.

Oh, Mr. Stevens.

I do admire your directness.

Well, I'm being direct because we both know you don't have a legitimate case.

Go and see the forest.

All the trees that are straight are cut down.

Yet all the trees that are crooked are still standing.

What are you saying? You're crooked?

No. I'm saying I'm still standing.

But, okay. Anyway, listen.

Mr. Belafiori, you can't possibly think you're going to get $10 ,000 out of my

client. The cars were barely moving.

Do you know that in the art of war, it is suggested that one surround one's

opponent only on three sides, never four, always to leave a path to retreat.

How does that apply here?

Ah, well, that is a question you must ask yourself now, isn't it?

Okay.

Look, Mr.

Bellafiore, if your client produces bona fide receipts, bona fide now, then we

will reimburse them for up to $250 for the repairs, but that's it.

What? What is it? I love this part of the song.

It's beautiful.

Mr. Bellafiore, your offer is rejected, Mr. Stevens, but you may try again. You

don't understand. I didn't come here to negotiate. That was a final offer.

And yet it was neither an offer, nor was it final.

I look forward to seeing you in court, Mr. Bellafiore.

Oh, okay.

Hope you bring the fake waterfall.

Sure.

It's a milita.

Mr.

Shaker of Shaker Hardware? Yes.

Good afternoon, sir. We're with the firm of Stubbs, Sandusky, and... Bisco.

We're professional parade planners.

I'm Philippe Stubbs. Parade planners?

I never knew there was such a thing.

Parades don't just happen, sir.

That's right. They have to be planned first, which is what we do for a living.

You plan the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade?

Yes. We plan all the parades in the world.

Just you three?

We've actually got 1 ,600 employees in 43 countries around the world.

Now, we've done some research, and it turns out that your little town of...

Stookyville? Stuckyville. Forgive me.

Stuckyville would make an excellent location for a Thanksgiving Day parade.

Enter giant balloons. Enter high -stepping majorettes. Enter the shaker

float gliding down Main Street regal and proud.

Enter...

I'm sorry, I don't really want to participate.

Mr. Shaker, what will it say to the community if Shaker Hardware is not

represented? Look at my store.

What don't you see?

The community.

Economy stinks, no one's building anything.

My guess is you're going to have a tough time building up a parade around here.

So that would be a no.

Hey. Hey.

Got a message you wanted me to come over. Yeah.

Have a seat.

Thanks for coming.

What's up?

Need to ask you a few questions about Dennis.

Dennis Martino. Dennis Martino.

Yep. That's the one.

Uh, okay.

What kind of questions do you want to ask?

Well, Dennis was being sued for being in a car accident and said you guys were

together at the time.

You witnessed it?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. Mm -hmm.

What was your vantage point? Were you in the car? No.

Dennis and I were talking outside the pie shop, and then he got in his car,

backed out, and then it happened.

Do you guys have any wine or alcohol at lunch?

This will speak to your credibility.

We didn't have lunch.

We did not have lunch. We just ran into each other outside the pie shop.

Okay.

Didn't have lunch.

Great. I mean, you got a good look at the car accident?

Yeah, I did. It was a tap, and it was nothing serious.

That's great.

It's great. It's all I needed.

Great.

Great. Glad I could help out. It's good.

Pilgrim's life.

I don't know. It's any good?

Yep. Pilgrims were amazing people. You know why?

Why? Because their lives sucked.

And yet they still gave thanks.

You gotta appreciate the sheer willpower of that.

That's something to be thankful for. Do not be fooled, Carol. When the Pilgrims

came to the New World, their lives changed for the worse. Things got tough.

Maybe in some ways, but think of that phrase.

The new world.

They get to shed their past and open a whole new frontier of possibility. That

is worth a little temporary discomfort.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, these are 75 cents. These are so delicious. Oh, thanks so much.

Here you go.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Bye -bye.

Look at you.

Hi, how's it going? Hang on one sec. Here, let me get your change. Sorry

that. Thank you. Have a great day. Come back soon.

Wow, and you just got started. Yeah, you know, and I'm almost sold, actually.

I am sold out. This is my last one right here.

Thank you.

I am so sorry, folks. I'm all sold out. But thank you for your patronage, and

please come back tomorrow.

Okay? Take care. Bye -bye.

Have a great day.

Thank you for your patronage. Where did that come from?

Well, congratulations, Nancy. Well done. Thank you. And thanks so much for

helping out our rookie. You guys, I am having so much fun.

You know, I can't wait to get home and start baking for tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. About tomorrow.

How many cookies do you plan on bringing?

Well, you know, I sold out of seven dozen like it was nothing. So I guess I

should, I don't know, bring as many as I can bake.

Maybe 12 dozen?

15 dozen?

Yeah. Oh.

Is something wrong?

Well, I don't really know how to say this. It's just that we kind of have a

friendly, unwritten agreement among us cookie moms that no one ever brings more

than six dozen cookies on any one day.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that way, if someone happens to have the hot cookie on a given day, they

sell out, then the others get a chance.

Oh, gosh, I am so sorry that I brought seven dozen. Well,

you know, I didn't know, so... Tomorrow I could just bring six dozen cookies.

You're a good kid.

Dennett, hi.

Harder work an hour after school's let out. Very impressive, Miss Bessie.

Actually, I'm faking it. The second you leave, I'm out of here.

Oh, wow.

See you tomorrow.

Is that it?

Excuse me?

Is what it?

This was just a social visit?

Well, I was on my way out. I thought I'd poke my head in. No, it's fine. I

appreciate it, actually.

It's new for us.

We're usually yelling at each other.

More specifically, you're usually yelling at me.

Would you like me to yell at you, Miss Fessy?

No, I much prefer this.

Surely.

I was just finishing some stew.

Oh, not a problem.

Dennis Martino is here to see you.

Good. Send him in. I could eat stew seven nights a week.

I don't, but I could.

Hey, Dennis.

Hi. So what happened? Have a seat.

Well, I tell you, Dennis, in this world, there's reasonable and unreasonable

people. This guy's definitely not one of the reasonable people.

What does that mean exactly?

He's taking those guns.

He won't drop the case. He wants his money.

I thought you said you could take care of this.

I can't take care of it. I will take care of it.

We're going to have to play it out a little, that's all.

Play it out how?

Well, we're going to have to go to court.

Court? No.

No. No.

No.

I'm not gonna go to court. Uh, Dennis, trust me, this is what I do, and guys

like this are 100 % bluff. Once we show them we're willing to fight... No, I

won't go to court.

I'm not gonna go to court. I guarantee you, if you go to court, you're not

end up paying $10 ,000 for a little fender bender. You'll probably end up

nothing at all, I guess. Ed, you're not hearing me.

I will not take this into a courtroom.

Why not?

Because I don't want to.

Look, uh, Dennis, I hate to break this to you,

We don't really have a choice. The guy refused to settle.

So we got to go to court.

I'll make it quick and easy.

Tell him I'll pay it.

What? Tell him I'll pay it. I'll pay the $10 ,000. I'll scrounge it together.

Hang on a second. Wait a minute.

You're going to willingly pay a guy $10 ,000 you know is obviously lying?

That's... Dennis, why are you so afraid to go to court over such a small issue?

It's not about this at all.

Is it?

Something...

Dennis, you want to tell me what's going on, then good. I'm your lawyer. I can

help you. But if you don't tell me, there's nothing I can do for you.

I'll have a check for $10 ,000 on your desk tomorrow.

Why don't I have the right to tell you how many cookies you can sell me? I

know, Mike, because it's too cold.

Cookie mom subculture. You know, they're unwritten rules.

It's like the mob or something.

Yeah? Well, one of these days you'll become a maid mom.

You'll be like maid man, maid mom. I understand.

Oh, my God.

What?

Mike, they've ruined my sign.

Who's they? Those ladies, Mike. Those cookie moms.

I know it.

Why would the cookie moms do that? Because there's something creepy about

Mike. They smile right in your face.

And yet all the while, I want to take your place.

Backstabber. Okay, you have five seconds to begin taking me seriously.

Already done?

Yeah, I knew they were jealous of me because my sign's too nice and my

are too popular, but this?

Oh, God.

Like, what am I going to do?

Well, if things get really rough, you could always make them a cookie they

refuse.

You know, Mr. Stevens, attacking emptiness with fullness is like throwing

on eggs.

I do hope you brought some nice eggs, Mr. Stevens.

What does that mean? What does that even mean?

Please.

Right. Have comfort.

Mm -hmm. Look, my client is willing to negotiate a higher settlement.

Then we shall negotiate.

Oh, my God.

Sir, you have removed your shirt.

As a gesture of openness.

Let us begin our negotiations... now.

Okay, look, Mr. Bellagio... You lose. How's that?

He who speaks first in a negotiation always loses.

Okay, Mr.

Bellafiori. Listen, this is more than you deserve, but I'm authorized to sell

for $1 ,500.

Well, your offer is rejected, but you may try again.

What? That's crazy.

That... You know, this whole... You're... This is...

All right, $5 ,000.

Grab it and head for the hill.

Hmm. I smell something.

I think I'm smelling fear.

You think I'm scared of you? You got the wrong guy, Jack.

Your offer is rejected. You may try again.

I'm going to walk out that door.

And when I walk out that door, $5 ,000 is coming with me.

Okay, I'm walking out the door.

Taking the $5 ,000 with me.

When I close this door, the offer's gone.

It's gone. You have to explain that to your client.

I'm closing the door, and the offer's... Closing the door.

All right, you win. You get the $10 ,000. Call my office with the paperwork,

let me tell you something.

You're a lucky man today, Mr.

Bellafiore.

Your offer is rejected. You may try again.

You can't reject my offer. I'm paying your price.

Hey, buddy, nobody said we had to stick to that price.

And the price has just gone up.

$15 ,000, and we're done.

No. We'll see you in court, Mr. Bell, if you like. Oh, okay.

Okay, listen up, Stucky Bull staff.

I've got to be honest with you.

I'm having a bad day. So I called you here to talk about the parade because

in serious need of some good news. So tell me, how's it going?

Fantastic.

Great. How many people do we have signed up? Not a one. Not a one. Why did you

say fantastic?

Well, you said you needed some good news.

All right, well, what's the problem?

Yeah, Kenny.

This is a little embarrassing, but nature's calling.

What? Gotta use the can.

Yeah, sure.

Go ahead.

Why won't people sign up for the parade? Oh, come on, Bosco. Lift your head out

of the sand. Life is depressing out there, man. I know it is, but...

Don't they understand that's exactly why we should have a parade?

Yeah, surely.

Rhetorical questions make me feel uncomfortable.

Okay,

here's what I want you to do. I want you to go out there and call a meeting for

tonight at the bowling alley for all the local merchants. Tell them that they

come, they can bowl for free, and I'll talk to them myself.

Actually, I can wait.

Good.

Finally!

You scared me. What?

Okay, I have been dying to ask you this all morning. Third period, cafeteria.

Did I see one of them?

What are you talking about? I was leaving, Dennis Martino was entering.

I could have sworn that I saw the two of you share a look. Dennis Martino.

Okay, so you're telling me that there was no look. I'm telling you that I have

no recollection of what you're talking about.

Okay, so you're going on record as telling me that you and Dennis Martino

shared a look. Record?

What record, Miles? I don't see a court stenographer.

Interesting. She won't go on the record.

Miles? You are out of your mind, which is one of the things that makes me love

you more. But I gotta go.

Where are you going?

Actually, I need to talk to Dennis.

Really? Oh, stop.

I have to talk to him about his car accident, which I happen to have

Things in Stuckyville are starting to get very interesting.

Ed just told me that I don't have to be a witness in your car accident case.

Yeah, that's right. I decided to settle out of court.

Settle as in you're paying the guy or settle as in the guy's dropping the

Uh, that's, uh, kind of a personal matter.

Oh, um, okay.

Sorry. No, it's okay. It's just a little, uh, complicated, that's all.

You barely hit the guy. I saw the whole thing. How complicated could it be?

It just is.

I see.

I see.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't get offended. I'm not offended. I'm not offended, Dennis. I just thought

that we had made some progress, you and I, and apparently I was mistaken, so...

Ed. Cal.

Hi. Hi.

Dennis. Ed.

You know, I'm early. I can wait in the... I'm leaving.

I'm leaving.

Okay.

Come on in.

What's up?

Um, well, I have some bad news.

What? He wouldn't settle. What do you mean? You wanted $10 ,000. You gave him

$10 ,000, right? I tried. What does that mean?

Well, when I offered him the $10 ,000, he asked for $15 ,000.

He...

You know what you're scared, Dennis? He can sense there's a reason you don't

want to go to court.

He's squeezing you.

No, he's blackmailing me.

Yeah, it does have that feel.

Dennis, tell me so I can help you.

What the hell?

It's all going to go out in court anyway, right?

Let me get a pad.

I am home.

I still get a kick out of saying that.

Wow. Oh, boy.

Those ladies have made a serious miscalculation, my friend. Put me out of

business? I don't think so.

Many, many cookies in it. Yeah.

25 dozen, and that's just for tomorrow.

But the big day, Michael, the big day is going to be Thanksgiving.

Mm -hmm. Because that's the day that they told me they make all their money.

Well, we'll just see what I bring them then.

They will rue the day they met with Nancy Penelope Martin.

Rue the day.

Uh, Nancy?

Rue the day.

Hey, honey.

You remember when you started this whole cookie thing, it was all for fun,

right? Yeah.

Yeah, well, you don't seem to be having a whole lot of fun right now.

This isn't about fun anymore.

Uh -huh.

These cookie moms have awakened a sleeping giant.

Court date's tomorrow.

Yeah, I mean, at 9 o 'clock?

Okay. Hey, hang in there.

Yeah. Bye.

They're ready for you.

Thanks.

Those of you who don't know me, I'm Ed Stevens. Thanks for coming.

One frosty morning in England, the pilgrims set sail across the Atlantic to

discover a new world. When can we bowl for free? In a minute. And when they got

there, they discovered the land to be tough, punishing.

Took everything they had just to survive. But you know what? These

chose to do more than just survive.

They chose to live.

They chose to lust for life.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Instead of just trying to survive through the tough times, these people,

chose to...

They chose to celebrate, dance, laugh, sing, celebrate. And on Thanksgiving

these folks threw one big mom -awful party.

Now, I know as much as anyone, times are tough. And, you know, business isn't

great. People aren't in a celebrating mood. But we are the backbone of

Stuckyville. And I say we suck it up and we show this town one heck of a good

time.

I say we choose to be happy.

And we throw the best darn Thanksgiving Day parade that Stuckyville has ever

seen. Shouldn't, like, the mayor be organizing this?

Well, Murph, I spoke to the mayor earlier today. Unfortunately, he

with us. He's planning to leave early tomorrow on a trip to Euro Disney.

But the mayor did give us his blessing.

So what do you say?

Are we having a parade?

If we say yes to the parade, can we start mulling for free?

Lanes are all yours.

Oh, hey, look at that. Carol Bessie.

Well, hello, if it isn't my little Keebler elf friend.

How are you?

Wow.

Oh, you have to see my cookie booth. It's right over there.

Wait, where's my booth?

What happened to my booth?

Uh, honey, it's, uh... Oh, my

God.

Um... Excuse me.

Um, sir?

Sir, excuse me. Hi.

Dennis.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

I was at the light and I saw you. I thought maybe I would say hi.

Hi.

You think we could talk for a minute?

Uh... I think I might have to go help my friend.

You want to take a walk?

Okay.

Sorry about the other day in my office.

What? Well, when I told you my little car accident case was complicated and I

couldn't tell you why.

Ah, yes. Well, Dennis, look, we have to work together, and if you want to keep

your distance, I get that. I really do.

And the kiss, you can chalk that up to temporary insanity, I guess, or whatever

you want to chalk it up to.

I may have to leave town.

What? Why?

Well, there are some things about me you don't know.

Actually, there's quite a few things I don't know about you, Dennis. That's

true, I guess.

I couldn't settle the car accident case, so I have to go to court.

And when I do, there are going to... There are some things about me that are

going to come out.

Okay.

I... Miss Vessie...

I'm a drunk.

Yeah. Started when I was about 14, kept right on going.

Even now?

No. I've been sober for about two and a half years.

Is that why you got fired?

Well, they gave me a lot of chances.

Too many, actually.

I'd get DWIs, and they'd find some way to sweep them under the rug.

And then one day, one of my students missed his bus, and, uh... I was driving

by. It was about 8 in the morning. He asked me for a ride.

I was pretty wrecked by then.

And I turned a corner a little too fast and skidded on some leaves.

Oh, goodness.

Luckily, the kid only broke his collarbone.

I, of course, walked away without a scratch.

But that was it.

Somehow they managed to keep it quiet.

Never got in the newspapers.

And I was so well thought of in the community that they thought it would be

better for the kids not to learn the truth about me.

So they made me a deal. I sneak out of town and they destroy the file.

And now you go to court.

Yeah, it all comes down.

The Dennis Martino story and all its brilliant colors.

Can't really see sticking around town after that.

I'm sorry, Dennis.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

People will understand.

Really? You think so? I could still be the principal of 500 teenagers after

something like that?

You know the really sad thing about all this, Miss Bessie?

What's that?

I was just beginning not to hate you.

Really?

For the love of God, do you think you could start going in there?

Yeah.

You have to earn that.

Oh, you hate to see that happen.

And on the very day you brought all those extra cookies.

That's a real shame.

Sanitation department must have gotten their signals crossed.

Yeah.

Accidents happen.

They can't do this.

They can't get away with this.

Mike, Mike, go to the store and buy some dog biscuits.

Why? So when their bags return, we can switch them with their cookies and it'll

be goodbye ginger snaps, hello liver snaps.

Honey, honey. Come on, Mike, you gotta help me with this. Nance, Nance, I'm

taking you out of the cookie business.

It's time to walk away.

What?

Nance, Nance, the whole reason you started doing this is because you wanted

little hobby.

And now look at you. You're ranting and raving about liversnaps?

Yeah. I mean, is that really what you want?

What am I going to do now, Mike? You know, am I just going to sit around the

house and do nothing?

No, you're not going to do nothing. There's plenty of things you could do,

You'll find something.

All right, let's go.

Yeah. So what do you want to do with all these cookies?

Hey.

Hey.

You ready to go? Yeah.

Here you go.

What's that?

The $15 ,000 change of heart.

Dennis, that's great. Look, this is extortion. You don't need to pay that.

Ed, I like it here.

I don't want to leave.

Can you afford to pay us? I will not be taking you to lunch.

Absolutely sure.

Okay, well, we're not going to be going into court. You could do me a little

favor? Sure.

Okay.

Silly, but I left the blue folder in there, and there's a stenographer. I

really... She's got a little thing for me I'd rather not deal with if I don't

have to. Would it be all right if you went and got it? Okay.

But you've got to wait until the session's out. I'll give you an odd one.

Thanks. Yeah.

Hi, Mr. Stevens.

You know, I thought you would have wanted to settle this earlier, but since

have this penchant for 11th hour theatrics, I suppose I'll oblige you.

right here is a binding settlement, and as you can see, it's for $15 ,000. We've

signed it already.

All you have to do is sign right there, and this all goes away.

Dear Mr.

Bellafiore, dear sweet, naive Mr.

Bellafiore, I used to feel my client had a reason not to go to court. You are

correct. The client's a busy man, willing to pay $10 ,000 not to miss a

day's work. But you know what?

My client is here now, and...

And I can tell you, he is really ready to go.

Why don't we just take the $10 ,000?

The offer for $10 ,000 is now off the table. As a matter of fact, we plan to

counter -sue you for $8 ,000.

What?

Come on.

That's ridiculous.

Don't even listen to him. He's just trying to intimidate us. Ridiculous?

I don't think perjury is ridiculous. I don't think fraud is ridiculous.

Furthermore, I hope your medical experts are credible, because I can tell you,

mine certainly are.

Okay, $5 ,000 or else I swear to God we are marching right in there and we are

gonna... That's it, Chet. It's over. You took a shot. It didn't work.

Let's just forget the whole thing.

Okay. We'll just forget it.

We'll meet again.

God, I hope so.

Ed, there's no blue folder.

And the stenographer's a 250 -pound Mexican guy. Yeah.

Henry, it's a good man.

Come on, you're buying me lunch.

You want to get on my shoulder?

Any single worst pickup line I've ever heard.

Looks like I'm staying.

Yes, I heard.

Congratulations.

Thank you. I'm happy for you.

We thank your friend Ed. He saved my heart.

He's good at that.

Free cookies, ladies and gentlemen!

It's always the best day of the year.

Anybody want to go to Denny's?

Man, I feel ridiculous in it. Come on, Mike.

Sometimes you got to make your own fun.

Mike, we're pilgrims.

The whole town's pilgrims. Just choosing to be happy.

Keep marching.

And you choose to be happy.

That I do, Mike.

That I do.

We're headed for the new world.