All language subtitles for Ed s02e06 Replacements.eng

Ed. Yeah, Carol. Hey, hi.

Hi. I need to vent. Can I vent?

Vent away.

Okay. Every fall there's this big budget
meeting at school when the teachers can

discuss their needs for the next year.
It's really our only opportunity to be

heard. I mean, this meeting is big. This
meeting is huge. Uh -huh. All right,

well, this year, no meetings. None. Care
to guess why?

Does it rhyme with menace? Yes. Yes.
Dennis Martino, the principal from hell,

cancels it just like that. Somebody
asked him why. You know what he said? He

said he wasn't in the room.

Huh.

Yeah, yeah, and I thought he had it in
just for me, but whew, wow.

I mean, he has got that school turned
upside down. I'm telling you, there is a

mutiny brewing. The faculty is furious.

Yeah, I'll bet.

That man.

Mystery.

Mystery? Yeah, total mystery. Hold on,
hold on. What's so mysterious about a

slacking off on his job?

That's just the thing, though. That's
just the thing.

Sometimes it's like he doesn't give a
damn, and other times you can't do

to please him. I think it's part of a
systematic plan to make everybody hate

him, but why?

Why? I mean, nobody knows. Nobody knows
because he's a mystery. Mystery. Excuse

me. What are you doing? I'm looking for
a ball that says Bruce.

Why? Oh, Carol, it's a mystery.

It's a deep and impenetrable mystery.

I'm a very mysterious man.

Mysterious.

Here you go, Bruce.

When it...

It's my moment in the sun.

Oh, how beautiful I'll be.

Mr. Stevens.

Yes. Good morning, Mr. Stevens.

Have we, uh... My name is Joe Baxter. It
is a pleasure to meet you, sir. Yeah,

likewise. Do you think I could possibly
have a moment of your time? Yeah, sure.

Come on.

There he goes.

Wow! This is great.

A little law office with a window
looking over it. That's perfect.

How'd you come up with this?

I didn't, uh, really. I just kind of
fell into place that way.

I knew you'd be modest.

Modest, unassuming, yet powerful.

An iron hand and a velvet glove.

Just like in court.

You see me in court?

Oh, I sure have.

Really? You're a real talent, Mr.
Stevens.

Well, thank you, Joe. Call me Ed. So,
listen, what do you think I could do?

Yeah? I'm here because I want to work
for you.

Really? Yes.

I'm a lawyer, and I would like to join
your practice.

Well,

I'm flattered.

So, what have you been doing up until
now?

Well... Funny, actually. My background's
a lot like yours. For the past three

years, I've worked at DeBeacom and
Groszak. You've heard of them? Yeah,

pretty big firm, right?

Ed! Yes?

I am tired of being a cog in the
corporate machine. That's not why I

be a lawyer.

I want to help people, real people.

You know what I'm saying? Yes, I do.

So what do you think?

Here, wait.

Take a look at my resume.

Well, that's not necessary. I'm sure
you're more than qualified. I'm not

to expand the practice.

Ed, I can bring in lots of business.

I have tons of energy.

And I'm ready to go.

I can see that. The thing is, Joe, I'm
really happy working alone right now.

Right.

Right.

Okay.

Thanks anyway.

You're welcome.

Here, why don't you keep this, just in
case, you know. I will. I will.

Listen, I'm sorry, Joe.

Good luck.

Thanks for your time.

I know, it's ridiculous.

I went down to his office to ask him a
question.

He was sitting there watching a hockey
game. He wouldn't even look at me. The

guy is out of control. He is.

He is. And if that's the way he wants to
do his job, then he has no business

working here, right? Right. You're
right. Let's do it. Do what?

We got a chance to get rid of Dennis.

He's up for his first semester review by
the school board. Which includes a

letter of evaluation by the teachers.

So, who wants the honor of cooking
Dennis Martino's goose?

I'll take a shot at it.

Don't even think about it, Howard. I'm
writing this letter. It's payback time.

So, Phil, do you help Ed with the
bowling alley or with the law practice?

Don't try to pigeonhole me, Joe. That's
a fool's game. No, I think of me as Ed's

all -purpose right -hand man, his
conciliare.

That's great.

I love this whole thing that you're
doing. It's very entertaining.

Conciliare.

Hey, Chief. Kenny. Chief! I love that!

Ed, these guys are really something
else.

Yeah.

Joe,

is there something else I can help you
with? No, no, I was just... I feel funny

asking.

Look, Ed, I understand you can't hire
me, but do you think it would be okay if

just hung out with you for a while?

Hung out?

Yeah, you know, watched you work.

All I've ever known is corporate law.

And I thought maybe, you know, I could
get some pointers from you.

Uh, you... Yeah, well, yeah, sure, why
not?

Fantastic.

Yeah. I tell you what, I'm meeting a
prospective new client today at 3 o

Why don't you come by then?

Thanks, Ed.

I'll see you at 3.

Okay.

Well, well.

Bosco's got a groupie.

A fella groupie.

Chaswick.

Hey, Snyder.

Hey, look.

Panicky. I'm so screwed. This is due in
five minutes.

I'll use the quadratic formula.

X equals the opposite of B plus or minus
the square root of B squared minus 4AB

all over 2S.

Pete, how much do you weigh?

Well, you need that for the problem?

How much?

Um, 152.

Perfect. What are you talking about?

I told you I'd help you get Jessica
Martel, didn't I?

Yeah? Premise one.

Jessica won't go out with you unless
you're popular.

Premise two, you can't be popular unless
you play varsity sport.

Conclusion?

We gotta get you on a team.

Oh, that's great.

That's never gonna happen.

Come on, look at me. I'm as weak as an
infant.

Doesn't matter. You weigh 152.

So? So, wrestling team needs someone in
your weight class.

Nobody signed up. They're desperate.

All you gotta do is wait between 145 and
152. You're guaranteed to make the

team.

Are you sure about that?

I'm sure.

Just sign up for tryouts, and we will
take it from there.

Okay.

Yeah, thanks, Diane.

My pleasure.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, God, Penn.

Tell us what's going on about how
mysterious he is. Thanks.

Ooh, that Dennis, he's such a mystery.

Don't tell me you're jealous.

I'm not jealous.

I don't like people getting... Thanks. I
don't like people getting credit for

being mysterious when they are, in fact,
not mysterious.

What's the mystery?

Guy's a jerk. There you go. Mystery
solved.

But what makes him a jerk? That is the
mystery.

That's not a mystery. Hound of the
Baskervilles. Now, that's a mystery.

What is a Baskerville?

You know, I don't know.

Hey. Hi. Hey. Hey.

Cal, how you doing?

Good. How's the big dentist letter
coming? Oh, I don't even know where it's

starting. What do we know about the guy?
He's a mystery.

What? What? What?

Carol, the way you always go on about
Dennis, like, mystery. What do you

The guy used to be a pirate? A
bootlegger? What?

I know. Look, pal, you and I, we're
going to put this mystery thing to bed

and for all, okay? And we're going to do
a little background check on your buddy

Dennis and find some things out. That
way you won't have to wonder anymore.

A background check?

Yeah. We'll go on the Internet. We'll do
a search, okay? And watch this

thrilling mystery gives way to boring
reality.

I don't know how comfortable I'd be
snooping around like that.

It's not snooping. This is public
information. It's public information,

know? Who knows? Maybe we'll find out
that Dennis fixed the 1919 World Series.

Ooh, he's a black shot.

That'll be good for your little
evaluation, don't you think? What do you

Okay, I'll be by after school.

Good.

Good.

What's a basketball?

Oh, I think it's a type of hat.

Oh.

That Mr. Hector is here to see you? Send
him in, Shirley.

May I ask you a question?

Yep. How come you never call me Cheryl?

What? Laverne always called Shirley,
Cheryl.

I've gone through life expecting that at
some point somebody would call me

Cheryl. It's never happened.

Send him in, Cheryl.

She's great, that Shirley.

Quirky as all get -out.

How'd you find her? She came with the
place, kind of.

Hi, Mr. Hector. Hi, come on in.

Mr. Hector, this is my friend Joe
Baxter.

If it's all right with you, he'll sit in
on this meeting.

Okay.

Please, have a seat.

So, what seems to be the problem?

He's my neighbor.

Jim Frawley.

He's got a big old tree in his yard, but
all the leaves have fallen onto my

property. Now, I asked him nicely to
clean it up, but he refused.

So I had to clean it up myself and pay
for it.

So you'd like to sue him for the cost of
the cleanup?

Yes.

Mr. Hector... Homespun justice!

Fantastic stuff!

Sorry, sorry.

Go ahead.

Well, you know, Mr. Hector, I have to
say it always strikes me as a shame when

the law has to fill the void left by the
absence of common decency.

Sounds to me like you're on the right
side of this when you got yourself a

lawyer.

It's wonderful stuff, Ed.

Isn't he great?

I'm sorry.

You told me to.

That was great.

I think you're dreaming, man. You
couldn't wrestle Olympia Dukakis.

It doesn't matter.

All they have to do is show up. They
need me.

Warren Cheswick, varsity athlete.

Hey,

I've been feeling a little guilty about
something lately.

What's that?

You know, I know I never shut up about
Jessica Martel, so if you ever need to

discuss your own affairs at the heart,
I'll be more than happy to oblige.

Not necessary. I'm doing fine. Yeah, but
you know, you never even... I lost my

virginity on my 17th birthday. I know,
but... What?

My dad gave me a choice. It was either a
new Pontiac or...

want to hear this believe me you do
believe me i don't all right guys i'll

you then all right it's coach guill
gonna go sign up for the tryouts

hey coach guill yeah yeah i just

want to tell you i'm really looking
forward to this new season i think uh

gonna do some great things together you
and me what are you talking about well

i'm going off the team so seriously yes

The name's Cheswick.

C -H -E -S -W -I -C -K.

It's just not a spell for the back of
the leotard.

It's called a shinglet. You're a
leotard.

You know, Cheswick, Mr. Nivola's putting
together a badminton squad.

Badminton's a great sport. I think you
should head over there and check it out

before it gets full up. Well, um, you
still need someone to wrestle at 152,

don't you?

Yeah. Oh, yes. Okay, well, that's great.
I'm your guy. Hey.

See you later.

Let's go. Let's go.

Okay. Let me just log on here.

What are you doing?

I'm putting in my password.

Look away.

Matzah? No, you look. You totally look.
But why Matzah?

Because it's so hard to guess. You're
not even Jewish. Exactly.

Oh.

Here we go.

Okay. Dennis Martino.

Prepare.

To be bored. Oh, I don't want bored. I
want evil.

Well, it's just not mysterious evil.
Here's something.

Here's something.

Oh, um, wrong dice, Mark, no. Yeah, do
you think? All right, hang on a second.

Uh, let's see. How about New England
Teachers Association?

He worked up there, didn't he? I think
he did, but it's all, it's a little

bit... Mysterious, I know.

Wow, look, there's a whole page on him.

Twelve whole pages.

Massachusetts Teacher of the Year Award
1996, National Association of Teachers

Award 1997.

Charles Paul Burnham Fellowship 1998
Leader and Teacher Education Award.

Scroll down, scroll down.

Launched the Tadler Award -winning
student theater program.

Coached varsity soccer team to three
winning seasons.

Oh, my gosh, it's incredible.

And look at the guy in these pictures.
It's like I've never even met him. Look,

the Internet's not very dependable these
days. This is probably written by a 12

-year -old. Wow, wow.

Community beautification program.

Oh.

Shirley.

Shirley, where's Mr. Hecker? It's time
for our meeting.

I just hung up with him. He said he
would not be requiring your legal

Really? Really? Why not?

He had no comment.

I'll check that out.

Joe Baxter, the tri -state area's best
bowling alley lawyer? They're all over

town. What?

The reason I called you here is I'm
having some second thoughts about this

letter of evaluation.

Why? Well, I did some research, and it
turns out that there's more to Dennis

Martino than meets the eye.

National Teacher of the Year?

You've got to be kidding me.

Organize senior class to build a shelter
for the homeless. I can't even get them

to approve a new pencil sharpener. Hey,
I'm not saying that this excuses Dennis'

behavior at all, but I am saying that
after seeing this...

You know, I gotta think there's a good
explanation, you know, some reason why

he's trying to push us away.

So, uh, what do you want to do?

Well, I was thinking we should give him
another chance. Just long enough to see

whether whatever he's going through
passes and he turns back into, you know,

this guy.

Okay. But I want to go on record as
saying I have my doubts.

Howard has his doubts.

You're on record.

Thanks. All right, listen up.

Let's go, fellas. Move it back.

Everybody on the line.

Let's go.

Hey, boys, let's get it on.

Yeah.

Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

Start stretching, Cheswick. Hey, you got
it, coach.

What's your persona going to be?

My what?

Yeah, your persona, your wrestling
persona.

I was thinking about being like an
English gentleman, you know, with the

and the little frills. Be like, I say,
governor, would you fancy a spot of tea

before I kick your bloody arse? You
know?

Oh, hey, hey, hey. You want some energy
gel?

It's good stuff.

Coach!

He's 152.

You want some?

Hey, we're varsity athletes, man.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah,

I'm looking for Joe Baxter. All right.

Do you know where Joe Baxter is?

His assistant's right over that -a -way.
Thank you.

Hello.

Would you like a toaster strudel?

No.

No, I wouldn't eat my toaster stew at
all. Hey, what the heck gives? Good to

you. Thanks for dropping by.

Now, was that too quirky? Yeah,

do you seem upset?

Upset? What the heck is going on here? I
started my own practice.

Your own? Your own? Nothing about this
is your own. You got the office in the

bowling alley. You're dressing up your
staff to look like my staff. Hey, hey,

you're poaching my client. She poached
my client. He underbid you, Mr. Stevens.

He underbid... Ed, I hate to see you so
worked up. You've been a wonderful role

model. And I'm sure we can look forward
to many happy years together as

colleagues. Look, Joe.

Here's your coffee, Joe.

I mean, Chief.

Excuse me, Ed. I have a client.

This cannot be happening.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, come in. Close the door. Sit down.

You, uh, came to my defense the other
day.

Yes, Dennis, I did.

I know that we've had our ups and downs,
you and I, but, um, the thing is...

It's a funny story, actually. You see, I
was put in charge of writing your

teacher evaluation, and I can tell you
this now. I was planning to give you a

damning review, you know, really just,
you know, give you the business.

But then I discovered who the real
Dennis Martino is.

I mean, my God, Dennis.

Some of the work you did in
Massachusetts is just... I mean, it's

thing I only dream of doing.

You... You made a difference.

Dennis?

What do you want from me?

What do I want from you?

Nothing. I don't want anything from you.
Then why won't you leave me alone?

I'm sorry.

I'm confused.

You asked me here.

What tells you that you have the right
to go digging into my past?

Well, I wouldn't call that digging. What
tells you that you have the right to

speak for me in front of a group of my
employees?

I didn't. What tells you that I give a
damn what any of these teachers in this

place think of me?

Or that you and I are on the same team?
We are not on the same team. Okay, okay.

And I'm not going to sit here in the
principal's office being yelled at like

a... Teenager.

I have no idea how to deal with you.
Well, then let me give you a simple

-word manual. Leave me alone!

Don't you worry.

What's all that bread they get from your
dad? Would that happen?

About 50 miles outside of Reno.

He took you all the way to Nevada?

Hey, my father is a kind and generous
man. I don't like that.

Oh, God.

How do I look?

Like a mongoose?

I'll be back soon.

Hey, Karen.

Shandy. What's up, Jess?

Hi, Warren.

How are you?

Oh, very well, thanks.

Can I... Sorry.

Stupid chair.

Oh, man.

Um... I'm a varsity athlete.

What?

Yeah, going after the wrestling squad.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Wow. Do you think you're going to make
it? Oh, yeah. It's like a done deal.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Congratulations, Warren.

Thanks.

So I don't know if you guys know this,
but Abraham Lincoln was actually a

wrestler.

Really? Oh, yeah, big time. You know,
when he'd get into disputes with

frontiersmen over, say, like Buffalo
Hyde or something.

Lincoln was known to shout, I'll wrestle
you for it.

Throw down his top hat and they just
start kicking ass.

Warren Cheswick, do you have a phone
call?

Warren Cheswick.

It's probably nothing.

I'm sure it's nothing.

So anyway, you don't even have a beard
back there. Warren Cheswick, your mommy

is on the phone.

You completely lost your mind. Did I
tell you to speak to Jessica Martel? But

she's all over me. You are going to ruin
everything.

Do not speak to Jessica Martel. Whatever
she talks to me. Make direct eye

contact. Nod your head.

Do not utter a single syllable.

Diane. I have put too much work into
this project to see you blow it with

bonehead improv.

Next time you go renegade, I'm out.

Right.

All right, I'm sorry.

What are you making, anyway?

A giant mitten.

Why?

It's hard to be depressed when you're
looking at a giant mitten.

Things are awfully slow today, aren't
they?

Let's go.

You got it, Peter.

We're here at Ketchum Lays, the home of
a very unusual law practice.

Joe Baxter had enough of his big
impersonal law firm, so he moved to the

little town of Ketchum and became the
world's first bowling alley lawyer.

Well, hot. Bowling alleys are happy
places where people come to enjoy

themselves. So if I can make their lives
a little happier by helping them solve

their problems, then, hey, I've done my
job.

So far, Joe's customers seem to be
bowled over.

I've never seen anything like it. This
is going to be huge.

Please enjoy a saltine.

Looks to me like Joe Baxter has bowled a
strike.

This is Nell Cross for News 29.

What are we going to do, Bosco?

I say we get a large angry monkey, we
take it there, and let it loose.

Guys, just give me some time to think.

Please.

Ed. Hey, Carol, you're not going to
believe this. You're not going to

this. I was just in the library looking
through the periodicals for some more

information on Dennis Martino, and guess
what I found out?

Dennis Martino was fired.

Yeah, right. Really? I got this guy. Can
I use your computer? Do you mind?

Yeah, go ahead.

Great.

Could you go to the place?

So that big job in Massachusetts, the
one where I gave him all the awards?

Well, they fired him. I didn't say why,
though.

So, let's see.

Dennis Martino.

Mystery man.

Tree man.

Hey, what was your thing?

I'm being replaced.

You know how there's a half Nelson and a
full Nelson?

Well, don't tell anyone, but I'm
currently developing the five -eighths

You're going to hear about it.

My, oh, my, how I love the wrestling.

Cheswick!

152. Okay. Hey, I'll see you at the wrap
party.

Way to be.

Way to be, tornadoes. Right, way to be.

Wrestling.

Woo!

Palikia. Yeah.

152.

What? I thought I'd move down to weight
class this year, coach.

Can't be, I'm wrestling at 152.

What? No, look, it's 165.

Make sure you're on all the way, okay?

165. Can we get some calibration over
here, please?

Well, boys and girls, it looks like Mr.

Cheswick and Mr.

Pellecchia are going to have to have a
wrestle -off to see who gets to be on my

wrestling squad.

Sleep well.

Calibration.

Calibration!

You know, Mike, you live your life
thinking you're one of a kind, a unique

being, right? And I know that no
matter...

What you can do, there's always somebody
out there who can do it a little bit

better, okay? I totally get that, but at
least at the end of the day, I can say,

well, there's no one out there who's
quite like me, right? At least I can say

that, right? At least I have that when I
go to bed at night, right?

Yeah. Wrong. It turns out you kiss that
little happy self -delusion goodbye.

It turns out Ed Stevens is not unique.
Ed Stevens is not one of a kind. It

out Ed Stevens is replaceable.

You can be a little dramatic there, Ed
Stevens.

I'm not being dramatic.

Okay? Because I was the bowling alley
lawyer. Now Joe Baxter is the bowling

alley lawyer.

They're doing news stories about this
guy. For God's sake, I'm being replaced

a guy named Joe Baxter.

Take it easy there, Irene. You're not
being replaced.

Yeah, you know what, Mike?

I'm not. And you know why?

I'm going to fight back.

Fight back?

I'm going to get in the courtroom.

I'm going to go toe -to -toe with Joe
Baxter.

He's going to represent Mr. Hector. I
will represent Mr. Frawley. I will kick

his ass. I will show the world who the
one true bowling alley lawyer is. That

little punk picked the wrong guy to
replace.

All right.

When you, uh...

You see that little punk?

Are you referring to Joe Baxter?

Dennis Martino?

Joe Baxter.

I'm talking about Joe Baxter.

Yeah, okay.

I need to learn how to wrestle.

Wrestle? Sorry, what? I can't help you
with that.

Oh, don't say that.

I already told Jessica that I was on the
team. There's no turning back.

Ed, come on. I'm turning over here.
Throw a guy a lap. Preserve her.

One. I'd like to help you, okay? I don't
know anything about wrestling.

Come on.

You're Ed.

I mean, you're always doling out advice.
That's like your thing.

You're supposed to be like a father
figure to me, for God's sakes.

Father... What?

Oh, yeah.

What? Mike, you used to wrestle in high
school, didn't you, Mike? Yes, I did.

Really?

Dr. Burton, because I've got to wrestle
a bear of a man in 48 hours. Could you,

like, teach me some stuff?

Sure.

Yes. You see, I knew you'd know what to
do.

You are back, my friend.

Wait a minute. Why does he get credit?
I'm the one who's teaching you how to

wrestle. Well, because he's Ed.

Oh, yeah.

That's right. You got nothing to worry
about, my friend.

You're Ed.

Mr.

Frawley. Excuse me. Mr. Frawley. Yes?

Hi.

I'm Ed Stevens.

I'm a lawyer. And I'm also a big fan of
your donuts. Seriously.

And the way you spell shop, S -H -O -P
-P -E, as opposed to S -H -O -P, it's

very wise. Very classy.

Just like your Bavarian cream glaze.

Also very classy.

A classy donut.

Uh, Mr. Pauly, no, listen, I'd like
to... I've heard about your current

situation. I'd like to offer my services
free of charge. I mean, suit for $112.

Right, $112, which I personally feel you
should not have to pay. It's $112.

Which you should not have to pay. You
are the least effective ambulance chaser

in history. This here is a matter of
principle, which is why I'd like to

my services pro bono, free of charge.
No, thank you. I think I'd be fine in my

own way. Sir, if I might, there's this
old saying that goes, he who represents

himself is a fool for a client.

Not that I think... I don't think
you're... Okay, listen.

I'll tell you what. I'll pay you 50
bucks to let me be your lawyer.

Is this one of them Ponzi schemes?

No, sir. I just really want this case.

Okay. Thank you.

How much will you pay me to draft my
will?

I've never seen him like that.

I mean, the veins were popping out of
his neck.

Really? Dennis?

Yeah, I know. He's usually so cool and
detached, but not this time. I mean, he

exploded.

God, what's the deal with this guy?

I don't know. I mean, you're the one
who's always going into his office. I

really know the guy. That's just the
thing. I don't really know him either.

He's, um, he's an enigma.

An enigma?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, his old job, he's
inventing after -school programs,

awards, and then he gets fired.

Why? Why? I mean, why do you fire Dennis
Martino?

You are so in love with this guy. What?

Come on. I've seen this a million times.
These are always the guys that you go

for. The attractive, hard -to -crack
ones. You know, the broken guy that you

fix. Please.

You are obsessed with Dennis Martino.

I'm not obsessed with him. I'm intrigued
by the enigma.

Miss Vessi, I thought we had reached a
new understanding.

No, Dennis, we haven't. Look, I'm sorry
if I hurt your little feelings

yesterday, but if this is the defiant
Carol Vessi, the nobody -talks -to -me

-that -way -I -don't -take -crap -from
-anybody Carol Vessi, do me a favor and

save it for both of us. I don't have
time for the clichés right now.

I... Actually, I came... You are
determined.

To push everyone away from you. You want
everyone here to hate you. And I gotta

hand it to you, Dennis.

You're doing a pretty good job.

But here's the thing.

I'm not going for it. I'm just not.

Sorry. You're not going for what?

You're not a bad guy.

You don't know me at all.

No.

I don't know you. You're right.

But I have read all about you.

And I read about how you helped people.

About how you made a difference in their
lives.

I saw...

Pictures of you laughing and smiling,
and I saw kindness and compassion.

So, you're right.

I don't know you.

But I do know this.

You're not a bad guy.

You're just... You're pretending to be
one.

What happened in Massachusetts?

Why did they fire you?

I'm sorry.

That's none of my business.

Oh, um, but I am having a dinner party
on Friday night for some friends, and if

you'd like to come, we would love to
have you. I'm sorry. I don't socialize

the staff.

No, of course not.

You just keep pretending, Dennis.

Hi, Warren.

Hi. Why don't we start by you showing me
what you know, all right? Oh, okay.

I've been working on some new moves in
my basement, so why don't you just show

me what you got, all right?

Okay, so I invented this called the high
-low.

So basically, come in very high, high,
right, right, see? This is high, I'm

doing high, right, so high. And then I
go, bam, I go low, so very low.

See, you were sure I was going to strike
high, but you were sadly mistaken,

because now I'm low.

I'm so low, you don't have time to
react.

Come on, come on, get up, get up, get
up, all right, all right.

stupid. Yeah, it's not stupid.

I'm going to show you something much
more basic.

A very basic move, but a very effective
one.

It's called a single leg takedown.

Oh, I like the single leg. Yeah, it's
good. And when done quickly, like say

moment the referee blows the whistle, if
done quickly, sometimes you can

surprise your opponent.

Okay, so go ahead and blow the whistle.

Come on, get up.

I just don't like being confined like
that.

Now you try it on me, okay?

Drop to your knees, shoot the right
hand, and pull from here to the left.

That was awesome.

Let's do it again, but this time tell me
you drop to your knees, shoot fast to

the right hand, and then pull to the
left.

Case number 10 -101 -CPB, Hector versus
Frawley.

Let's see what we've got here.

Leaves from defendant's tree fell upon
plaintiff's property, amassing in big...

Righteous.

Okay, what is that? Is that some sort of
slacker character? Because that is not

who I am.

You wanted perfume?

Yeah, I figured you were perfume.

Righteous. You paid for the leaf
removal.

You want him to pay. You've got to be
kidding me.

We're here for $112.

Your Honor, if I may.

Your Honor, if I may. This case is not
about the... This case is not about...

It's not about the $112. It's not about
the money. Your Honor, this case... Your

Honor, is it about neighbors?

No, Your Honor.

What does it take to be a neighbor?

Is it, is it, is it, is it a common
tree? A shared fence?

Or is it...

A feeling.

Why come off like that to you?

A little bit.

All right.

I'll hear it. Mr. Stevens, why don't you
go first?

Tell me why Mr.

Hector should have to pay $112 to clean
up leaves for Mr. Frawley Street.

Gladly.

And he made me feel for all the world
Like I was the king of all the world I

on a window late When he came upon me
there Everything was out of

sight for the moment But right around
the time I had to get going I can't

me out Cause I've got your number Oh,
you make me feel

like I'm the king of all the world

$112.

All right, Mr. Baxter.

Let the dog and pony show continue.

Mr. Baxter.

Um... His leaves fell on my client's
property, and

my client had to clean them up.

That's all you've got?

Neighbors. Brawley wins. Forget the
$112.

I always rule in favor of the guy with
the big fan.

This won't change anything.

Oh, really?

You think when people hear about this,
they're going to want to go with the

bowling alley lawyer who won or the
bowling alley lawyer who lost?

Good luck with the practice.

This is Koleckia for the 152 -pound
weight class.

Never heard a man's spine snap?

Welcome

to

the House of Pain.

Yeah, let's see about that.

I wasn't even ready, Cheswick. Come on,
people. Let's get it on.

No!

Get it!

Okay,

keep going.

Finn doesn't decide the match in
triumph.

Oh, that's all you got, huh?

Bring it on, baby.

Let's go, fellas. Move it back.

Don't let yourself go.

Because everybody cries.

And everybody hurts sometimes.

Carol Bessie dropped this off. She said
it was some kind of evaluation.

Thank you, Eunice.

Oh, hey, I'm Diane Snyder. I think I
know everything.

Warren, why don't you try it for the
wrestling team?

If you hadn't been so obnoxious, Tony
Pellecchio would never have jumped a

weight class just to beat up on you. Oh,
if you hadn't been so obnoxious, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Do you guys think I'd look good with a
goatee?

No.

Cheswick, I heard you got a takedown off
Tony Pellecchio today.

Yeah. Cool.

Nice going, Warren.

I never liked Tony Pellecchio.

Well, it's funny.

Are you around?

Seriously,

what do you think?

This guy tried to steal my identity, got
his hand caught in the cookie jar. You

keep your identity in a cookie jar?

Okay, that's it. That's it, little wife.

Honey, come on, give me the mic.

You are crazy.

Dennis,

hi. Hi.

You came here. Please, come in, join us.
No, I'm not here for dinner. I just

came to top it off.

Okay, you know what?

You win.

You win.

You want me to leave you alone? You got
it.

I've tried everything.

I've tried being nice.

I've tried yelling at you.

And nothing works. Nothing works. So I
am done. I'm done.

I am officially out of ideas of how to
get through to you.

Okay.

It's not okay.

That's what my heart...

God is pure.

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