All language subtitles for Ed s01e21 Mixed Signals

Las Vegas is a fickle mistress.

You may hold her, but you may not own
her, for she is Vegas.

You ever been to Vegas, Kenny? That's
cute.

What's that mean?

I was banned from Caesars in 1987.

Banned from Caesars? Why, what were you
doing? Card County? Not the casino. The

buffet.

128 shrimp, $2 .99.

Suddenly the house didn't have such an
advantage, if you know what I mean.

I think I do.

Hey, there she is. I finished the sign.
Oh, wow.

That's great, Shirley. Oh, I like how
you made the S into a dollar sign. It's

very nice.

Please don't condescend to me.

I'm not condescending to you. I'm
just... Okay.

Hey, Shirley.

Hey, I found these in the attic.

Ah, more chips. Excellent.

Hey,

Mike. What?

I got one.

Ten bucks.

If when Kenny comes back, you kiss him
on the cheek.

Come on, Ed. I don't want to kiss Kenny
on the cheek. Do the words ten bucks,

Mike, mean anything to you?

Here he comes.

Hey, Mikey, Mikey. How you doing?

Yep. Thanks, kid.

Hey, Kenny.

You went European.

Yeah, I thought I might help.

There I can keep by

Hey, Ed, do you have a minute?

Hey, Warren, what's doing?

Well, my junior prom's coming up in a
couple weeks, and I just kind of need to

earn a little extra cash to help with
some of the necessary accoutrements.

Mm -hmm. Yeah, the prom.

Yeah, I remember that well.

The theater rental, the flower. What's
that flower called? The quarter times?

Yeah, sure.

Well, so anyway, I was wondering... I
got it, I got it, I got it.

Well, okay. I was wondering...

If you need any extra help, you know, I
could run the bowling alley.

What do you have in mind?

I could pass out shoes, or I could
breathe some much -needed life into the

bar. Just bowling alley stuff. The snack
bar's fine, but I'll tell you what you

could do. You could give us a hand
setting up Vegas night.

Oh, right. Vegas night?

That's a great idea.

Never been done before.

Hi. Hey, Carol, hi.

Warren. Oh, Miss Fessy, what are you
doing here?

I don't know about you two crazy kids.

Ed, I left a bag. It's a blue paper bag.
It's shiny.

Thank you.

Cheryl Bessie leaves a bag in Ed
Stevens' house.

Interesting.

Actually, Warren, not that it's any of
your business, but I left this at the

bowling alley the other night. Carol,
don't mislead the young man. She left it

at my house. Ed? What?

No, she did.

Well, okay, this is, uh...

It's just getting all too adorable for
me, so I'm going to ship out.

Should I start tomorrow?

Yeah. Okay.

Cool. Thanks again.

You're welcome, Warren. Goodbye, Miss
Jessie.

Goodbye, Warren.

What is that?

Warren needs a little extra money for
his prom, so I told him he could hop out

here around the bowling alley.

Oh, yes, the prom.

You went to our prom, didn't you?

Yes, Ed.

I went to our prom.

Good.

I can't remember.

Oh, that's right. I remember seeing you
there now. You were the one with the

big, fancy, shiny crown on top of her
head.

Yes, that is right. I was indeed the
prom queen, and I have enjoyed years of

ribbing over it.

But, you know, if you really feel a need
to pile on, be my guest. Really? Yeah,

great, because I was wondering, now, how
much power does a prom queen actually

wield? Could you, like, say, bomb
Belgium?

Could and did. Good, they had it coming.

I had a really, really good time the
other night.

Yeah, me too.

Go. I'll see you. Okay.

Okay,

well, that's great news, Henry.

Yeah, no, I'm sure he'll be really
excited to hear that.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay, bye.

Hey, Dad. What are you doing here? Oh,
Dr. Burton, my back is so sore.

I guess I should take off my clothes so
you can examine me with your big, strong

hands. That's funny, ma 'am. I've had
that same fantasy myself.

With me?

Uh, yeah, you're there.

I'm there?

Who else is there?

The Rockettes.

You're a weirdo.

Seems you got your lunch.

Thanks, Mom.

I better get back to work. I don't want
Dr. Jerome to see me.

You enjoy your nice long break, Dr.
Burton. Don't worry about your patients.

Always a pleasure, Mrs. Burton.

Hey, you're going to like this one.

Get this.

Henry Doria just called. Told me they've
selected Dr. Jerome to be honored as

Doctor of the Year. You're kidding me.

Mike, I swear, sometimes I don't know
why you don't just quit.

He's going to retire any day now.

He's been saying that for two years.

I know, but he can't keep on like this.
He can't.

It's going to be so great when I take
over this practice.

I can make my own rules. I'll be my own
boss. I can really take care of you and

Sarah.

What?

Nothing. I just figured that Dr. Jerome
would come barging in right at this

moment.

I've got to go out of town this weekend
for a breath.

Do you bring a gift to that sort of
thing? It's cotton -plubbed and you cure

from.

Bill.

Bill. What are you doing?

This thing's going to make Las Vegas
night a huge success.

What is it?

We're going to pump pure oxygen into the
bowl.

Oxygen like the casinos do. 100 % O2,
baby. People be bowling their brains out

till 4 a .m.

Really clears the head, doesn't it?

Phil.

What?

What?

Phil, what?

You have a client.

Thank you, Shirley.

I'm Ed Stephens. Jerry Foley. Hi, Jerry.

Talk in my office?

Excuse him. How can I help you, sir? You
know the Stuckyville Open?

The golf tournament, yeah. They just
played it last week, right? Right. I won

it. You won it?

Well, kind of.

You kind of won it?

I lost it. You lost it.

May I tell you the story?

Please.

I'm leading by one stroke.

Going into the final hole.

All I need is a par to win. So I bang
the tee shot. 250 right down the center.

Beautiful.

Leaves me 140 from the pin. So I feather
an eight iron. Boom. I'm sitting on the

dance floor 14 feet from the cop.

So you're on the green in two. You hold
out until you win.

Exactly.

So I lay up a very nice commercial putt.
The ball stops two feet from the hole.

I got a tap in for the $10 ,000 first
prize money. Right.

I bend over the putt, and right in the
middle... You have a client.

Thank you, Shirley.

Hi. I'm Ed Stephens. Jerry Foley. Hi,
Jerry.

Talk in my office?

Excuse him. How can I help you, sir? You
know the Stuckyville Open?

The golf tournament, yeah. They just
played it last week, right? Right. I won

it. You won it?

Well, kind of. You kind of won it. I
lost it. You lost it. May I tell you

story? Please.

I'm leading by one stroke.

Going into the final hole.

All I need is a par to win. So I bang
the tee shot. 250 right down the center.

Beautiful. Leaves me 140 from the pin.
So I feather an eight iron. Boom. I'm

sitting on the dance floor 14 feet from
the cop.

So you're on the green in two. You hold
out until you win.

Exactly.

So.

I lay up a very nice commercial putt.
The ball stops two feet from the hole.

I got a tap -in for the $10 ,000 first
prize money.

Right. I bend over the putt, and right
in the middle of my backswing, some

fan screams out of the top of his lungs.
I flinch. The ball shoots eight feet

past the cup and down the hill.

I miss the comeback putt. I end up
third. Gus McGraw wins the tournament.

Wow. It's just not right.

This is not the way people should
behave.

Well, what did you have in mind, Jerry?

I don't know. Can I sue the guy who
yelled out? Yes, you can. But I got to

you, there's not much chance you're
going to win.

Ed, I'm not Tiger Woods. I don't have a
lot of money. And I never finished first

in a golf tournament before. This was my
day.

This guy took my day away.

I feel for you, Jerry. I'd love to help
you. I just don't think this case is

winnable. They engrave your name on the
trophy.

They hand out a giant cardboard check
like the kind that Ed McMahon hands out.

This should have been my day.

But what about this?

What if I go talk to the guy who won,
see if I can't convince him to let you

take the putt over again?

Can you legally force him to do that?

Legally, I don't know, but I could
appeal to a sense of fair play.

Let me try. Well, if you can't convince
Gus McGraw, can we sue the guy who

yelled out?

You got it.

By the way, where'd the guy yell out?

You, the man.

Of course.

Hey, Mark.

Kevin. How you boys doing today, huh?

My life is perfection.

Oh, hey, I was thinking. We should go to
the prom in style, you know? We should

get a limo. But not just, like, a
regular limo. We should get one of those

really huge ones with a jacuzzi in it.
Have you seen these things?

How cool would that be? We're sitting in
a jacuzzi, riding around in a big car.

I mean, come on.

You're just happy because you walked
into a date. Have you officially asked

Donnie yet? No, no, no. You see, I'm
waiting for the perfect moment.

How about you guys? Who are you going to
ask? We're going stag. See, that's the

cool way to go to your prom. That way
you have all the ladies to choose from.

Uh, yeah, but all the ladies at the prom
are going to have dates, science does.

Yeah, and inevitably somebody will do
somebody wrong, and Gavin and I will be

right there to help heartbroken fair
maidens pick up the pieces.

Okay. Hey, guys.

Ah, Donna, hello.

How are you this lovely lunch period?

I'm good. How are you doing, Warren?

Aces.

Oh, you care to join us? No, thanks, I
gotta go. I just wanted to return your

notes. No problemo.

Have you guys got your date signed up
yet for the prom? It's less than two

away.

We're still assessing our options.

Okay, well, don't take too long. It's
coming up real soon.

Okay, well, I guess I'll see you later
in science.

Science it is.

Bye -bye.

Kid's crazy about me.

Warren? Yeah?

You're an ass.

Then what are you saying? I'm saying
that I love you. I just don't know if

in love with you right now.

And because of that, I don't know if
it's fair to you that we continue on.

You're breaking up with me?

Baby, it's not about you.

I need a little me time right now.

Okay.

I gotta go.

Like when Puff Daddy and J -Lo went
split up.

Brainstorm.

Forget about Donna.

You should have asked Jessica Martell to
the prom.

You've worshipped her since you were 11.
Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'm

going to ask Donna.

Besides, there's not a chance in hell
Jessica Martell will go to the prom with

Warren Jeswick.

I know that.

But I still want to see what happens if
you ask.

Pick up a movie on the way home?

I don't know.

Raging Bull?

I've got to go.

Yes?

Hello, Dr. Drill. Oh, Dr. Burton. What
have you got?

Well, I've got some pretty exciting
news.

Well, this will be good.

Yeah, you know that tri -state doctor of
the year award?

Of course.

Well, yesterday I was speaking to a
friend of mine, Henry Doria, and he told

that this year the award is going to be
presented to none other than one Dr.

Walter Jerome.

Congratulations.

You don't seem happy.

Did you have anything to do with this,
you putty -brained goat?

No. Like I told you, I just heard about
it from a friend.

Well, tell your friends I've seen their
little dog and pony show.

It's tacky and unprofessional, and I'm
not interested.

Yeah, okay, I'll tell him that. No, no,
then it'll get out, I've turned down the

award, and everybody will be pissed off
at me.

Damn it!

Well, I'm gonna go. Sit down!

You got me into this, you're gonna get
me out.

I ain't getting you into this.

Here, start writing.

Tell your friend the following.

There'll be no dancers, no singers, no
publicity photos for the local paper.

I want to approve the guest list, the
menu, and all entertainment.

Are you writing this down, Sonny? You do
have opposable thumbs, don't you?

L1, L2, up, up, down, down, up, up, up,
up, and then you get the magic ring.

You are so full of it. Fine, don't
believe me.

Hey, Jess.

Oh, hey, Warren. Hey, Jess, I really
like your sweater.

The one tied around your waist.

Thanks. So, how's beans?

I mean, tricks.

That's Trix.

Tim broke up with me.

What?

Are you serious?

It was two weeks before prom.

Wow, that sucks.

Well, see you later.

All right, Jess.

Keep on keeping on.

Something like that.

I don't believe it.

Jessica Martel wants you to ask her to
the prom.

Well, that's not true.

Wake up, Cheswick.

What do you think she's telling you all
that? No, Mike, that's not what that was

about. Hey, how many times do I have to
tell you? Girls like Jessica Martel do

not go to the prom with guys like Warren
Cheswick. It's a law of nature.

Gavin, will you knock some sense into
this Manouk?

Well, Mark is right.

Okay, have you lost your mind?

And Manouk, what is that? Why do you
keep saying that?

I heard it on The Sopranos.

Gus McGraw?

Yes.

Congratulations on winning the
Stuckyville Open.

I'm Ed Stevens, Jerry Foley's attorney.

Attorney? That's right. Jerry Foley
doesn't need an attorney. He needs golf

lessons. Know what I'm saying, four
-eyes?

Man has a gimme putt for $10 ,000 and he
missed it. Probably because the fan

yelled out.

That is crap on a stick, my friend.

Why don't you let him take that putt
over again?

You know, I like Jerry Foley. I really
do.

He's a nice guy.

But he chokes.

There's nothing I can do about that.

Come on, you know what really happened.
Give him another chance. If he makes it,

he wins. But if he misses, then you'll
know you really won personally.

I think it'll be good for golf.

You know what?

What's that? You got it.

Have him meet me here tomorrow at noon.

Seriously? It's the only fair thing to
do.

If I don't give him another chance, the
wind will be forever tainted.

Gus McGraw?

You're one heck of a guy.

Hey, Ed? Yeah? There's one thing I need
if I'm going to agree to this.

What's that?

About six years ago, I'm in a
Frenchman's Brook Invitational. I'm on

just teeing off when a caddy drops a
bag.

The noise makes me hook my shot into the
rough, and I end up losing by one

stroke.

Now, without that bag falling, I'll win
that tournament going away.

So I'm going to need you to get in touch
with the guy I lost to and get him to

give me another tee shot on 17.

Is that right?

Yeah. Actually, that reminds me. Two
months ago, Braidburn Classic, I'm

a six iron, and... You should ask her to
the prom.

All right.

Only. God, somebody mark down the date
and the time. It's never happened

but I do believe I finally just agreed
with Phil Stubbs.

Say, yeah!

I don't think so.

Oh, I asked for a splash of
chrysanthemum. This is an ocean. This is

wave.

You have to be so careful with
Chrissie's.

Hi, excuse me? You can stand anywhere
but there, hon. You're blocking the

Sorry, I'm looking for Mr.

Scott Hayes.

Mr.? How continental.

Would you take a gander at the caboose
on her?

I'd like to get my mitts on that
someday.

I'm Scott Hayes. Hi, I'm Mike Burton,
Dr. Burton. I work with Dr. Jerome.

You're just the man I've been looking
for.

Sit yourself down here.

Okay, are you with me?

Yep.

What is Dr.

Jerome's hat size?

I have no idea. Why do you need Dr.
Jerome's hat size?

Well, I'm working on a little something
I call the sombrero of glory.

It's got pictures of his patients taped
to the side.

It's going to be wonderful.

Yeah, uh -huh.

I think Dr.

Jerome's going to want to know about
some of these things you're planning.

Absolutely. It's his party, after all.

Take this down.

We're going to start with a production
dance number that's going to make the

Oscars look like a kid's birthday party.

And then the fantastic fun players are
going to come running out screaming, Is

there a doctor in the house? Is there a
doctor in the house? Yes, there's a

doctor in the house.

Unbelievable. They will be cracking up.
They'll be dying from laughter. He's

going to have to perform CPR on the
whole bunch.

You're not writing anything down.

Uh, so, sombrero?

Hey. Ho. Huh? Ho. Try not ho for a while
instead of hi. It's going to be my

thing. How many sugars?

Five. Thank you.

I had a very interesting conversation
yesterday with Warren Cheswick. Go on.

told me that you told him to ask Jessica
Martell to the prom. That's right, I

did. But Jessica Martell is the
prettiest, most popular girl in school.

I know. That's why I told him to ask her
out. Ask her. She's a day. Copper to

you. See, that's really my thing. The
whole thing's going to take a while. Ed.

Yeah. You see, there's this other girl,
Donna Tazi, who's eagerly awaiting being

asked to the prom by Warren.

Donna Tazi? The girl from the top of the
mountain? Yeah.

Okay, but he's liked the Jessica girl
for a while. I'm just saying, if he

doesn't ask her out, it doesn't take his
shot.

He could end up being 30 and buying a
bowling alley.

Hey.

Don't you mean ho? That's just for
height. Huh. What are you doing Friday

Nothing. Well, we're having Vegas night
at the bowling alley.

Would you like to come?

Yes, I would.

Cool. We'll have fun.

Now, Mr. Baker, you worked as a stand
-up comic in Las Vegas?

Yeah.

1979, I did like six months at the
Aladdin.

I once opened for Goulet.

Robert Goulet?

Yeah.

Excellent.

Now, before I can hire you, I'm going to
need you to answer a few questions.

All right.

Are you funny?

Yeah.

How funny?

Hysterically funny.

Great. You have 30 seconds to make me
laugh, starting now.

All right.

Priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The priest orders a beer.

I'm going to court now. Everything under
control? Tell him. Tell him what you

told me.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.

How are we going now?

You the man!

Jerry!

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.

Mr. Vecchio.

I hardly know where to begin. Why did
you yell out, you the man, as my client

was about to make a tournament -winning
putt?

Because he's the man.

I see.

You're taking this whole thing right out
lately for a guy who's on the hook for

$10 ,000.

I ain't taking it lately.

You asked, I answered. Okay, so I might
not understand that you don't think

there's anything wrong with what you
did.

Look, I'm what you'd call a super fan. I
love sports.

And when I'm in a crowd, I can't just
sit back and watch like a lump.

Now, I come out to have a good time and
show my support.

Support? You're trying to claim that
screaming as a guy takes his backswing

way of showing support.

Bingo! Mr. Vecchio. Now, I go to a
baseball game or a football game, I

until my lungs bleed.

People love it.

This wasn't baseball or football,
though. This was golf.

So what?

I checked the rules of the tournament.

They didn't say anything about making
noise.

I'm a super fan.

Yeah. Nothing further.

He wants you to wear this, uh, sombrero.
No. Okay.

Uh, can he put on a dance number? No.

Um, how about a group of singers?

No. Uh, one singer?

No. Okay.

Can I serve filet mignon for dinner?

Sure. Sure?

Uh, he, um... Well, he is a party clown
dressed as

a doctor.

Which I think would be fun.

No, no, no. What did I tell you? I want
it simple. I want it classy.

I don't want sombreros. I don't want
clowns. I don't want singing donkeys.

doctor. I heal people so they'll feel
better.

I don't do it so that your little party
friend can throw a shindig. Do you

understand me?

Okay, Maltz, I think that Ed may have
asked me out, like on a date.

What are you talking about?

You and Ed do stuff together all the
time. I know, I know, but this seems

somehow different.

Different? Yeah, it was something about
the way that he asked me, would you like

to come? Not want to come, not, you
know, you're thinking of coming.

There was a certain formality to it.
Plus, he stopped right before he asked

We were walking along, and then he
stopped and said, would you like to

He stopped.

And he said, would you like to come?

Yes.

I know, I know. I'm insane.

I'm insane, but it's not a date. I don't
know what I was thinking.

Okay, I didn't say you were insane, you
know.

Loopy. Loopy.

Yeah.

But here's another thing.

Wouldn't he usually invite all of us to
something like this?

All right, you have a point. Mm -hmm. Mm
-hmm. Wait a minute. You know what?

He didn't invite me because he knew I
was going out of town.

Oh. Okay, okay.

All right, so now we know. It's not a
date. I don't know. I just hit my head.

Did you want it to be a date? No.

No. Miles, I just think it's kind of
weird not to know what he had in mind.

Wouldn't you want to know?

Surely I would.

Yeah, exactly.

I just wanted to be sure. That's all.

That's it.

We're in chase with the video journal.

Eleven days to prom night and counting,
and I stand here at a crossroads. To my

left, Donna Tazi.

Sweet, cute, smart, great girl. Great,
great girl.

To my right, Jessica Martel.

The hottest girl in school. Maybe the
hottest in the state.

She's just totally hot. Her level of
hotness is ridiculous.

It's mind -blowing.

But Warren, you say, there's no way she
wants you to ask her to the prom.

Well, that's where you're incorrect.

Because Ed Stevens is positive that she
does.

And how can you argue with a man who's
getting it on with Carol Bessie?

At least I think they're getting it on.

And everyone's going to say, oh, Warren,
you've got to ask Donna.

She's all down to earth and sweet.

And that's the thing. See, that's the
messed up thing is that she is. And we

along and she's great. And I really,
really, really like her.

I should. I should ask her. I should.

Jessica Martel, man, she's so awesome.

Oh, my God, you are awesome.

Jessica Martel wants Warren Peaches. I'm
supposed to ignore that?

I'm supposed to just let that go?

Not do anything about it? Not capitalize
at all?

I don't think so.

How long is it going to take the judge
to reach a verdict?

We've got to have it soon.

Doesn't look good, does it?

Not really.

I just don't understand a world that
lets a guy get away with that kind of

behavior. I know what you mean.

Hey, Jerry, check this out.

Did you see that? Two feet, no problem.

How anyone can miss something from just
two feet away is beyond me.

You know what, Vecchio? What's that,
Jerry? Jerry, just ignore it. You make

sick. Oh, do I? I met a lot of jerks in
my life, but you deserve the Nobel Jerk

Prize. Wow.

Thanks, Jerry.

Hey, while we're on the subject, why
don't you let me tell you a story about

jerk?

What? No, it's a good one.

See, about five years ago, I spent the
summer caddying at the Stuckyville Golf

Club, right?

One day, a guy comes in to play 18
holes, and everybody's saying he's about

go pro, so I figure I've got to be on my
best behavior.

So we're out in the links, this guy and
me, and I'm caddying my little heart

out, and he shoots a great game.

But when it comes time to say goodbye,
he stiffs me on the tip.

Zilch. Nada.

The old goose egg.

What a jerk, huh?

He probably doesn't even remember me.

Hey, you the man, Jerry.

No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. No. What?
What is the matter?

These are not the same cheese puffs I
fell in love with last November. Yes,

are. This is the exact same recipe. Are
you trying to play me out? What?

Don't even.

Goodbye, Joe.

Dr. Burton, I'm so glad you're here.

I have questions, questions, questions.

Would you happen to know if Dr.

Jerome is allergic to lead -based paint?

Why? It's this body art idea I'm playing
with. Not to worry.

Scott, I don't think Dr. Jerome would
like that kind of thing, whatever it is.

And I should tell you, he sort of
rejected some of your ideas.

Which ones?

Well, all of them.

All of them? Yeah.

Yeah, you see, Dr. Drum's very, very
particular about this sort of thing. He

just wants to make sure everything's
very simplified, very classy.

Say no more. I understand.

Simple, classy, simple, classy. Right.
Look, I completely hear that. I can make

it work. I can do simple, classy like
you won't believe.

The rules of golf make the game of golf
possible.

Without the rules, all you've got is a
bunch of guys whacking balls with

Likewise, the rules of life make civil
society possible.

Now, some of those rules are written
into law.

Unfortunately, the rule broken by Mr.
Vecchio is not.

There's simply no law against acting
like a jerk.

So, as much as it pains me to do so, I
must find for the defendant, Tim

Who is that?

That's Anne Rand.

Did she play Miss Hathaway on the
Beverly Hillbillies?

No, she wrote Atlas Shrugged.

Gavin!

Kiss my ring.

You weren't wearing a ring. All right,
well, kiss my hand, then.

For I am your king, your future prom
king.

What are you talking about? I'm gonna do
it.

I'm gonna ask Jessica Montel to the
prom. You're really gonna do it? I'm

gonna do it. I thought about it, and I
figured, just... Go for it. Go for the

gusto. That's it, man. Give me that
sweet, sweet gusto.

That's what I'm talking about. All
right.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Donna, what's up?

Nothing. What's all the excitement?

They're making Superman into a movie.

Didn't they already do that?

No.

Okay. Well, talk to you later, Warren.

Bye, guys. Later, Donna.

Nice one, moron. Shut up, little rodent.

Hey, honey, have you listened to my
speech so far?

Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Okay, well, it's a
little rough, so don't be too critical.

No, I won't. Okay.

All right, you ready?

Mm -hmm. Okay.

Imagine taking a ferocious Doberman
pincher and starving it for a week.

Now imagine rubbing yourself with bacon
grease...

and locking yourself in a closet with
that angry, famished, half -crazed

hellhound.

Now you know what it's like to work for
Dr. Walter Jerome.

The scary thing is I'm not 100 % certain
that that isn't your real speech.

Yeah, this is ridiculous.

I hate that man's guts. How am I
supposed to write some lovey -dovey

about him?

You ever try out -and -out lying?

No.

Well, thanks, honey.

Anytime.

Jessica.

Hey, Warren.

What's up?

Jessica.

Prom?

Uh, prom.

What?

Will you go to the prom with me,
Jessica?

I'm sorry, Warren. I can't.

Oh, that's cool.

What, did you get back together with
Tim, or... No.

No, really?

So who are you going with?

Tommy or Jakey?

Foscat? It's Foscat, right? Actually, no
one's really asked me yet.

Oh, right, right.

No, that's totally cool.

Awesome. Well, I should go. I'll catch
you later, Jess.

Bye, Warren.

Bye.

I'm sorry.

What? I'm sorry.

Oh, whatever.

It's cool.

Hey, Donna.

Hey, Warren.

Hey. Do you want to go to the prom with
me?

Oh, I can't.

What? Well, David Mirsky asked me at
lunch, and I said yes.

David Mirsky?

That kid with the weird shoes?

Not that weird.

Oh, man.

Wait, wait.

I got a good idea. Can you, like, get
out of it?

Warren.

What if we just went as friends?

We'll go as friends. Let's just go as
friends.

I'll buy you a dress.

I'm sorry, Warren.

Evening, miss.

I'm former heavyweight champ, Leon
Spinks.

Welcome to the Stucky Bowl Hotel and
Casino.

Thank you, Leon.

Carol Vesey.

Look about as tasty as a 99 -cent shrimp
cocktail.

Are you ready to spin for shoes?

Round and round and round she goes.

Phil, it's really Leon Spinks.

Well, that was as close as I could get
for five bucks an hour.

Where she stops, nobody knows.

Twelve and a half.

Hey, see King Roy coming, Kenny? Oh,
it's all taken care of, too. Excellent.

Oh, Laura, looking good.

Hey, Carol, welcome to Vegas night. Hi.
Let's go get you a Vegas Viper. What's

that? Icy and vodka.

Mmm, yummy.

So far, so good. Yeah, yeah. I think
he's actually enjoying himself.

Last time I saw him this happy, he had
his foot up my ass.

Then how could you see him?

I had to crane my neck around.

Hello. Thank you. Thank you.

Now, before we begin our ceremony, Dr.
Burton has asked to say a few words.

Dr. Burton.

Good evening.

Like every physician, I took the
Hippocratic Oath, which reads in part,

purity and with holiness, I will pass my
life and practice my art.

But I never truly understood those words
until I'd spent some time with Dr.

Walter Jerome, the finest man I know.

Good morning, Mr. Lucky.

Come on.

I'm the papa.

Don't poke the bear in the zoo, my
friend. Don't poke the bear in the zoo.

Chief, we've got a problem.

What's that?

They sent us two roids.

I don't think that'll be a problem,
Kenny. We'll fix it in post.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

Oh! Come on, punk.

I'm...

Settle down there, Sparky. Those are
your prize tokens, remember?

Yeah. What can I get with that?

That many? I think you're looking at the
underdog piñata, my friend. Oh, excuse

me. I've got to hand it to you. You do
know how to throw the wacky theme

shindig. Thank you, Carol.

Are Mike and Nancy on their way, or are
they... Oh, they're not going to be

here. Oh, really?

I invited them. They had to do this
thing with Dr. Jerome.

Yeah. Oh.

No Molly, no Mike, no Nancy. It's just
going to be you and me, baby.

Feeling lucky. Hit me, Sergeant.

What's your name, little lady?

Shirley.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my
great honor to present the Tri -State

of the Year Award to Dr.

Walter Jerome.

Thank you, Dr. Bucis, and thank you to
the Tri -State Physicians Association.

for this great honor.

Well, it's good old reliable doctor,
doctor, doctor, Dr.

Jerome. If you're looking for health
care, he'll furnish the spot.

Even when your fever's up, it's never
too hot. Not for good old reliable

doctor, doctor, Dr.

Jerome.

He's the oldest of...

You want to go again? What do you say?
Double or nothing?

Actually, I'm thinking about taking off.

What?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? It's Vegas
tonight, baby. We've got to Vegas it up,

baby. I'm so Vegas'd out.

How's that possible?

Catch a bad trim?

No, no, I'm fine.

What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing. I, you know, I've had
a little bit of a headache, so I think

I'm just going to head on home. Let's go
for a walk, get you some fresh air.

What do you say? No, I'm fine, really.

Come on.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Tis a beautiful night.

Tis indeed.

Way to pick up on the tis, man.

Thanks, man.

Yo.

I read in the paper the other day.

Pluto isn't really a planet after all.

Really? No.

What is it? It's just a comet.

Huh.

Earth's still a planet though, right?

Totally cool.

You're totally cool.

Although if I were Neptune, I'd be
watching my back.

Do you remember the first time we came
here?

When I first came back to town?

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember.

These were different then. Oh gosh, I'll
say.

I just found Liz with the mail, man. You
were still with Nick.

Nick and I hadn't been arguing. There
was no way you could have charmed me

the moonlight stroll by the pond.

Ah, but charm you I did. And if I'm not
mistaken, this is exactly what happened,

isn't it?

This bench, right here, is where it
happened.

What?

The kiss that made a man move back home
and buy a bowling alley.

That was just a goodbye kiss.

There's no just about it.

Ah, yeah.

They told me I'd find you here.

Warren?

Carol?

I'm going to have to ask you to cover
your eyes. I don't want you to have to

this. See what?

I'm taking you down, Stevens.

Right now. You and me. Let's go, bitch.

What'd I do?

Told me to ask Jessica Martel to the
prom.

Uh -huh.

Well, guess what?

She shot me down.

Big surprise.

God, you understand women about as well
as Eve Kometko.

Who? The guy from the E! Channel. Oh.

Gay. Really?

So that's it.

I'm on junior prom, and I got no date.

No Jessica Martel, no Donna, nothing.

Juan, I'm sorry. Really, I had no idea.

No, Juan, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Juan. Juan.

Shut up.

I feel guilty.

Don't.

Don't. That kid always lands on his
feet.

Yeah.

Shooting star.

Where? Right there.

I missed it.

Yeah. I'll get the next one.

Did you know the shooting stars are
actually the size of apple seeds?

Really? Oh, yeah.

Wait, whoa.

First, Pluto was on a planet, and now
this. I think you're just messing with

head. No, I'm simply trying to unlock
the secrets of the universe for you,

Carol. I appreciate that. It's cool.