All language subtitles for Ed s01e05 Better Days

Previously on Ip. Get out there, find
yourself a fine new woman.

I already have.

Then what's the problem? She's in love
with a pompous jackass.

I'm sorry, baby, but I can't go this
weekend.

Why? Got it right.

Doesn't this mean anything to you at
all? So I went to toss him a waffle,

frisbee. And then at the last minute, I
changed my mind and I put it on a plate.

I've been with Nick for seven years.
Hey, babe! After seven years, you should

able to toss somebody a waffle, right?

What are you talking about?

I have to break up with Nick. I'm done
with this.

Carol just broke up with Nick.

You know, I brought you here tonight for
one reason and one reason alone.

To watch you talk to girls. I know. To
relive my single life vicariously

you. I know. Yeah, you know all this.

If you continue to sit there not talking
to girls.

I know.

Honey, leave him alone.

If I were you, Nance, I'd back me up on
this. Otherwise, I might give him the

temptation to start talking to girls
myself.

No way.

Knock yourself out.

All I was here to do was to make that a
do -over.

I don't get it.

Honey, you have to believe me when I
tell you that I never wanted to hurt

Open.

When I left this house approximately 24
hours ago, you were watching the movie

Xanadu. You are still watching the movie
Xanadu. That's right.

Molly, I just ended a seven -year
relationship.

I feel I have the right to spend a
couple of days watching Olivia Newton

as a singing, dancing, roller -skating
muse from Mount Olympus. Okay.

So has that asked you out yet? No.

No. He's actually been a real friend
during all this.

That won't last.

It's only a matter of time before he
makes his move. Molly, Ed is not going

ask me out. He knows better.

For weeks, the only thing standing
between me and Carol Vessi is a

Now, if she breaks up with a boyfriend,
where am I?

With this smiling goat trying to pick up
women. Eddie, trust me, I'm a woman. I

know about these things. Now is not the
time to make the move on Carol Vessi.

Okay.

All right, I'll wait.

For the time being.

Ed, ten bucks if you go over there and
you ask that cute blonde if you can buy

her a drink.

That's all you got?

What are these beer nuts in your mouth?

I can keep by your side Watching the
wild

See you tomorrow.

So, how are we today?

Well, since you asked.

Oh, no, you ran into Nick.

Not yet. But here's the thing, Molly.

I have to go by his classroom every day
after third period in order to get to

the cafeteria, and he knows exactly when
to expect me, and he always looks up

and gives me a wink.

You know, it's our little ritual.

So you'd have to go all the way around
the building just to avoid his

Yes, and just thinking about it makes me
feel sick.

So don't do it.

You're right.

You're right. I can't imagine Nick
changing his route to avoid me.

Exactly. Yeah. Good for you.

Hello, ladies.

Well, hello, Godfrey.

So, Carol, I understand you and Nick
have gone your separate ways.

Yeah. Yeah, we have. Well, as a history
teacher, I find I spend most of my time

looking at the past. But right now, I
see a future for me and you.

Godfrey, that is so flattering. Really,
it is.

But I've had to swear off dating people
at work, you know.

Oh.

Well, if you change your mind, I'll be
right down the hall.

Thanks. Thanks, Godfrey.

Today, Godfrey. Blank man tomorrow, Ed
Stevens.

Molly. Stop.

So what can I do for you folks?

Chuck and I are supposed to get married
this Saturday.

Oh, congratulations.

But now we have to cancel the wedding.
Show him, honey.

Oh, my.

Well, I brought a picture to my
hairdresser of Martha Stewart.

And I asked for the Martha cut.

This is not the Martha cut.

No.

Um, this hairdresser, did she by any
chance have any reason to, um, hate you?

Not that I know of. She was always
perfectly friendly to me.

Look, Mr. Stevenson, Chuck and I don't
have a lot of money, and postponing this

wedding is going to cost us thousands.

So you'd like to, too?

All we want is what's fair.

Well, it sounds to me like you do
deserve some compensation. In fact, you

even have a case against Martha Stewart.

I'm kidding.

Oh.

All right, young scholars.

Your day of reckoning. Our answering
five essay questions on the Canterbury

Tales. The test will count for 20 % of
your midterm grade.

That is, unless I throw it in the
garbage and give you all A's, which I

under one condition.

What's that, Mr. Stanton? One of you
must say something that moves me, that

makes me feel something.

Anything, I don't care.

Make me sad, make me happy.

A word, a sentence, a speech. The choice
is yours.

Just as long as you move me.

Any takers, or should I start passing
out the tests?

Yes, Jessica.

My parents got divorced last year.

Ever since then, they've been fighting
over me like I'm the car or the house,

just another possession.

I don't think they know what they're
doing to me.

Or maybe they just don't care.

No, I'm sorry, Jessica.

I'm sure your pain is very real, but
it's all just a little too familiar.

You're going to have to dig deeper.

Okay, now, everybody.

Now, since I bought this bowling alley,
we have turned it into what I believe is

Stucky Bowl's premier amusement
destination. However, we're still not

many customers as I would like, so what
we need to do is put the word out there

that Stucky Bowl is the place to be. Any
ideas? Yes, Bill.

Nature's billboard, baby.

Translation, please.

Skywriting. Just imagine Stucky Bowl
etched across the heavens.

Sends chills down my spine.

Actually, that's not a bad idea. I just
think we need to... Well, come on,

Bosco. I know a guy out at the airfield.
Jack funded.

Best in the business.

What makes him the best in the business?

The dude crosses his Zs. Right.

Well, I just think we need something a
little less temporary, you know?

Yes, Shirley.

You weren't supposed to call on me.

Then why'd you raise your hand?

In school, if people raised their hands,
a teacher thought they knew the answer,

so they would call on someone else who
wasn't raising their hand.

Gotcha.

Yes, Kenneth.

We should get that where's the beef
lady.

She was hilarious.

No matter how many times she asked, she
never found out where the beef was.

It's so true, man. The location of the
beef was always kept a mystery. Well

observed, Kenneth. Where's the beef?
Where's the beef?

Actually,

that does give me an idea that we could
just rent some cheap commercial time in

a local TV station, right?

Okay, I'll do it.

But I demand final cut.

Do what? I'll direct a commercial.

Phil, you're not a director.

Ed, as the great Jean Renoir once said,
I am not a director. I am a storyteller.

The only thing I bring to this
illogical, irresponsible, and cruel

my love.

Yes, Julie.

Please stop calling on me.

Hey,

Cal.

Hey. Hi.

I'm just going to meet Molly for lunch.
Oh, great.

I'm on the way to the hairdresser's.

Perm, highlights?

Both. No, I have a client who's doing
your hairdresser, actually.

I have often wanted to do that.

So how are you doing? How are you
holding up, you know, post -nic?

Good. You know, okay.

Bad. Actually, I'd have to say I'm kind
of bad.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You know, it's funny. You know, the
humans, we're fully evolved.

You know, we get the big brains and the
opposable thumbs.

We still have no idea how to get over a
breakup.

I would gladly trade the opposable
thumbs. Frankly, I think they're highly

overrated.

You know what I think the key is, Carol?

Keep moving forward.

You've got to keep moving forward. That
way you don't spend time sulking and

brooding over the breakup. I couldn't
agree with you more.

Really. And that's why I wanted to thank
you so much for being such a good

friend to me the other night.

Really, it's so important to have good
friends at a time like this.

It really is.

So important. Absolutely.

Yeah. Very, very important. I don't know
what I would do if I didn't have

friends at a time like this. It's just
so... Important.

So, so important.

Isn't it, though?

So how's it going?

It's good.

Excuse me, Ramona Barney?

Yes? My name's Ed Stevens. I'm the legal
representative of Lois Cornwall and

Chuck Harris.

I'm afraid I'm here to serve you with a
lawsuit.

For what?

Well, you ruined her hair, Miss Barney.

Whether it was accidental or
intentional, I don't know. I gave that

perfectly lovely haircut.

Made her look like Martha.

All she needed was a blue denim shirt
and that stupid glue gun.

The haircut I saw bore little
resemblance to Martha Stewart.

I cut her hair the way she wanted it. I
find that hard to believe.

Believe me or don't believe me, I don't
give a damn.

She's telling the truth.

Who are you?

I'm the shampoo guy.

She made it a little easier than she
could have the other day.

What do kids like to say?

What's going down?

Oh, we're just talking about the feeding
frenzy at school. All the male teachers

are circling Carol like barracudas.

Molly. Ah.

Well, that must be nice of you. Have you
accepted any dates? Molly is

exaggerating. I think maybe one guy has
asked me out.

Who?

Just some history teacher.

Okay, what about Mark Mitchell? He's
pretty cute. Okay.

It is very flattering to be asked out.
But what you have to understand is these

guys don't know me. I think they just,
they want to go out with a blonde or

something. My money says she's got a new
boyfriend by the end of the week.

Hello, Carol.

Barry. Barry.

Chemistry. Ah, that's nice. So, Carol,
did you happen to know that I'm a member

of Club 109?

Club 109? No, what is that?

That's the exclusive fraternity of those
of us who've memorized all 109 elements

in the periodic table.

Ah, that's... That's great, Barry.

Antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, aluminum,

nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
iron, americium, ethereum, uranium,

europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
lanthanum, osmium, astatine, iridium,

gold, protectinium, indium, gallium,
iodine, thorium, thulium, thallium,

yttrium, terbium, actinium, libidium,
boron, catalytium, niobium, iridium,

strontium, silicon, silver, and
samarian, bismuth, polynithium,

homium, helium, hapium, erbium,
phosphorus, francium, fluorine, terbium,

manganese, mercury, liban, magnesium,
dysprosium, scandium, cerium, cesium,

lead.

Excuse me. I'm looking for a jack funda.

That's me.

I'm looking to have something
skywritten.

You bet.

What are you thinking?

Be mine, Carol.

You romantic.

Say, here's the thing. I've kind of been
down the road before with this girl.

You skywrote before and you didn't use
me?

No. No, the big romantic gesture.

Twice, actually.

Didn't work out. You know, once I put on
a suit of armor, the other time I made

a video tape of myself singing for her,
and that didn't go so well. I got my

wife. You see, the first two times, she
said no.

So this has got to be perfect, you see,
because this is it for me.

Last shot.

Doesn't work, I'm done.

And you're going with Be Mine Carol.

Yes, sir.

What? No, huh? What do you mean, hmm?
What's wrong with you and my Carol? No,

it's nothing. It's, you know, sweet.

No, what's wrong with it?

Look, I don't want to tell you how to
run your life, but, you know, women

like to be told what to do. I mean, if
you tell her, be mine, she's going to

resent it.

Oh, well, what do you recommend?

Won't you please be my Carol?

Okay, sure, great, okay.

Good, good, good, good.

It's 20 bucks a letter.

Hold on. Hold on. I see what's going on
here. You're trying to drive up the

price by making it longer.

It saddens me that you would suggest
such a thing.

I told you. I paid up.

I'm off the list.

Mike, this is no good.

What's no good, Nancy?

Sitting here on the couch watching TV.

You know, honey, we have a couple of
hours a night to enjoy each other's

company. We should really try to make it
count.

I thought you liked Mannix.

Mike, I'm serious.

Honey, we're so busy all the time. You
know, if we're not careful, we're going

to wake up one day and just realize that
we've just wasted our lives. Honey, we

have got to shake it up a little bit.

All right, honey, what would you like to
do to shake it up?

I want you to read the first two
chapters of this by tomorrow night, and

get together and discuss it.

The sun also rises?

If I read this, what are you going to
read? I'm going to read the same thing.

I'll go to the bookstore and get a copy.

We've got like 500 books on our shelves
we've never read. You really think we

should be getting doubles?

I think this could be fun.

So listen, can you cover my new study
hall today? I've got some errands to

Well, I would, but I can't. Why not?

Ed Stevens asked me to meet him outside
today at noon. Oh, here we go. The

chickens have come home to roost. Time
for the big ask out.

Oh, I hope not.

No,

you didn't.

You did not do that. It's true.

It's true.

Oh, so that's why they call it a pommel
horse, huh?

Derek, you're hysterical.

I found some of your old notebooks.

Oh.

I can bring them in sometime if you'd
like.

Sure.

I made this for you in the wood shop.

It's a bird feeder.

So the hairdresser says you asked for
the cut. You say you didn't, so it comes

down to he said, she said, except you're
both she's, so that makes it a she

said, she said.

So how do we prove that we're right?

Well, we need further evidence of the
hairdresser's incompetence, basically.

This isn't enough?

No, I think we need to find someone else
who got a terrible cut.

Yeah, baby, look at me. Good. Keep it
real. Keep it pure. This is great,

Okay, yes, you have a tragic beauty.

Bill. Bosco, I'm practicing. Hey, check
this out.

NYPD blue.

Give me some Sipowitz.

Sipowitz. Sipowitz!

You know, I always wanted to go on a
stakeout. One of my favorite movies was

movie Stakeout.

Even better than that was the sequel,
Another Stakeout.

They really took it to the next level.

You keep your eyes glued to that door,
and as soon as someone comes out with a

bad haircut, you pounce.

Right.

I brought coffee.

What? I didn't know what size you
wanted, so I got small, medium, and

Um... Kenny, you could have just...
Brought me a large. I would have drank

much or as little as I wanted, right?

Yeah. But this way you have a choice.

Small, medium, or large.

Yeah, okay.

Kenny? The eagle has landed.

Go.

Ma 'am.

Excuse me, ma 'am?

I'm with the law officers of Edward J.
Stevens Esquire. We'd like you to

to the incompetence of one Ramona
Barney, hairdresser.

Incompetence? She gave you that lousy
haircut.

This is a lousy haircut?

Trust me, ma 'am. You look terrible.

Hey. Hello.

Hi.

So, here we are.

12 o 'clock sharp.

There you go. There you are.

So, um, how's school today?

It's okay.

Oh, good. I'm glad. I'm glad.

How's the syllabus?

Is it?

Well, Ed, you know, it's your basic
syllabus. Is it? Good.

Great.

Um, Carol.

Yes? I know every guy in the world is
asking you out right now, but I was

wondering. Ed. What? Don't.

Don't what? What's the matter?

Oh, I'm so disappointed.

Disappointed? Disappointed in what? I am
having a very hard time, and you of all

people should understand what I'm going
through.

And what do you do? You decide to come
here and ask me out? Is that really

I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm talking about the fact that you came

to my house, and you made me a sundae,
and you told me we were friends, and now

it's, oh, forget about what Carol needs.
Let's make sure we do what's best for

Ed. Ed, you're just like everybody else.
I didn't ask you out. You were about to

ask me out. I was not going to ask you
out.

Oh, really? That's right.

What were you going to ask me?

What was I going to ask you? I was going
to ask you if you needed anything.

Really? Yeah, that's right. You know
what, Carol? I find this insulting. I

really do. You know what? I have to go.

I have to go. I'm leaving.

I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving.

I'm leaving.

Ed, I'm sorry.

I... Yes,

hello. I need to speak to Jack Fundus
immediately.

I know he's in the plane.

Just tell him it's an emergency.

Fundus! Fundus, listen. You have to stop
skywriting immediately.

No, wait. Actually, that's too obvious.

Here's what you do.

Carl.

Carl?

Oh,

our dirt.

This is already better than college.

Okay. Why don't you start?

Me? Yeah.

Okay. How do I do that?

Well, what did you think of the first
two chapters?

The first two chapters of The Sun Also
Rises. Yeah, yeah.

What did you think?

Well, they were good.

Yeah, but why?

How? Let's talk about the characters,
the symbolism, Jake Barnes, Robert

Spain. Spain, yeah.

Well, I believe that Ernest Hemingway
was trying to tell us that the sun, in

addition to setting, also does other
things.

Right. And also, Ernest Hemingway loved
bullfights. He couldn't get enough of

them, bullfights. He went all the time.

Yeah. Yeah, machismo. He really loved
machismo, you know.

Bullfights and machismo.

Bullfights and machismo.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, you gave Hemingway
some bullfights and a little machismo.

He was a happy, happy man.

Did you read any of these two chapters?

Yes, I did, Nance.

I mean, recently, like, not in high
school?

Nance, I don't have time to read. That's
great, Mike. Okay, you know what?

You're not taking me seriously.

Nance, what about Mariel Hemingway? She
was in the Star 80.

Discuss that.

Okay, Kit and Coco, I need you guys to
scooch together a little bit more. Well

done. Now arch the back.

Splendid. And I think we're ready to try
one.

Moisture!

Thank you.

You're very tall.

And...

Action!

Stucky Bowl is the hottest place to
bowl.

So hot.

That's why we bowl here all the time.
With all our hot friends.

So, if you come... Cut! Cut! Cut!

Cut.

Coco, love, it is not with all our hot
friends. Remember, it's with all our...

Super hot friends, right? Trust the
page, okay? Just fall back and let the

catch you.

Perfect.

Let's go again.

This time, maybe a little lip action.
Together just a bit.

Hello, ladies.

Phil, can I have a word with you?

Bosco, I'm really under the gun here.
Phil?

I don't want strippers in the Stucky
Bowl commercial.

Why?

Because Stucky Bowl is a family place.
It's a nice place. It's not a stripper

kind of place.

Okay, Bosco.

You and I are having some serious
creative differences here, but hey,

boss.

Ladies, thank you very much. We're going
in a different direction. Kenny will

validate your parking.

You're breaking their little stripper
hearts. I know.

Hi.

Hi.

I, um, I brought your notebooks.

Thanks.

So... How are you doing?

You want to know how I'm doing?

Yeah, I do.

I'm great, Carol.

Couldn't be better.

Seven years of my life were just
incinerated and tossed to the winds.

good. Feels great.

Why are you here?

What do you want from me?

I thought maybe we could be... Be
friends?

Yeah, maybe.

Or at least talk.

I mean, it feels so strange to go from
being together for so long to not even

being able to say a word to each other.

You know?

You know, Carol, there's something girls
like you never understand.

Girls like me?

You have cake.

When you eat the cake, there is no more
cake. You can't have the cake and

eat the cake.

I see.

You got plenty of friends.

I got plenty of friends.

This right here was never about
friendship.

Hi, honey. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, that's okay.

Hi.

Honey, this is Professor Kaplan.

Professor Kaplan?

Hello, sir.

Professor Kaplan's here to teach us
Einstein's theory of relativity.

Then why is that, honey?

Well, honey, I was thinking it would be
a new and different way to spend the

evening, and I found Professor Kaplan
here at the community college, and I

it's time that you and I learn
Einstein's theory of relativity once and

All right, I'm game. Let me just...

Shut off Baywatch Hawaii here.

Okay.

Ready? Is there anything I can get you
before we get started?

Any grapes?

Sure.

Sure.

Now, these photographs were taken of
customers leaving here today. However,

of these women are willing to testify
that they received a bad haircut.

What about this girl? Her hair looks
like it's been twisted into knots.

That's a French braid, Chuck.

Very stylish with young people today.

So,

what can we do?

Well, I'm going to put you on the stand,
Lois, and you'll just tell the judge

what happened.

But won't Ramona just say the opposite?

Probably, but it'll be our job to
convince the judge to believe you.

How do we do that?

I'll just ask you to say what happened.
You just tell the truth.

Using the Lorentz transformation, we can
replace the space -time variables

x, y, z, and t of the Galilean reference
body k

with the space -time variables x prime,

y prime, z prime, and k.

Prime.

Well, I think we're in pretty good shape
here.

So I'll give you guys a call tomorrow,
and I'll tell you what time you need to

be in court. Thanks, Ed. Okay. If you're
as good a bowling alley operator as you

are a lawyer, then I'll bet you're a
very good bowling alley operator.

You know, assuming that you're a good
lawyer.

Thanks, Chuck.

Good night.

Kenny, I'm not here.

Chief. That's a tough one.

What?

All right.

Give up.

Kenny, what are you talking about?

Isn't that one of those brain ticklers?
You know... Kenny, listen to me. I just

saw Carol in the parking lot, okay? We
had this big fight the other day when I

went to the school to do the whole
skywriting thing.

I don't feel like seeing her right now.
It ended up being a little embarrassing,

okay? No problem, boss.

You know, I always liked that brain
tickler where the doctor is the kid's

mother.

Hi, Kenny.

Hello, Carol.

Is Ed around?

Ed? No.

Do you know where he is?

Kenny.

Buenos Aires.

Thank you so much, Professor. That was
really fascinating.

I hope you understood everything.

Everything's relative, right?

Well, actually...

If by that you mean... No, I was
kidding. I totally get it. E equals N -C

squared. It's genius.

Well, all right.

Bye -bye.

Good evening, honey.

Please, Mike, if I didn't nudge you, you
would have fallen asleep.

Nance, I couldn't understand a word the
guy said. Could you? No, but at least I

tried, Mike. You know, at least I am
attempting to not waste what limited

we have on this planet, sitting on the
couch doing nothing.

Maybe 80 years old and not have any
stories to tell our grandkids.

Turn around, kids.

Grandmammy and grandpappy are going to
tell you about Einstein's theory of

relativity.

That is not the point, Mike, and you
know it.

I didn't mean to... I just thought it'd
be fun to say grandpappy.

Well, Kenny, when Ed gets back from
Buenos Aires, was it?

Tell him I stopped by.

Sure thing.

Bye -bye.

Oh, how'd you like the Skyrider?

Skywriter? Ed did that?

You didn't know?

No.

No, I didn't know until now.

Didn't know what till now?

Okay, Kenny.

Nice try.

I don't know anything about any
Skywriter.

I was just making conversation.

Carol knows that I was the one that got
the Skywriter.

It's unclear.

Right.

The commercial.

It's really good.

I love it.

It is the best commercial that I have
ever seen.

Except for maybe the one with the black
guy with the deep voice who used to say,

these are cola nuts.

Shirley, those who raise the bar of
expectation bar the expectation of

Hey, that makes... No, that doesn't make
sense.

Shall we watch?

Please.

Big day today, huh?

Yeah. Here, let me get that for you.

Thanks.

I still remember the first time I taught
you how to tie one of these.

You've taught me a heck of a lot more
than that, Dad.

I'm proud of you, son.

I love you, Dad.

I love you too, son.

It's very moving.

But does it have anything at all to do
with a bowling alley? Or bowling at all,

even?

Yeah. Didn't you hear at the end where
it goes, Stucky Bowl?

Right.

Hey. Hi.

Hi. Can we chat?

So, where's Chuck?

Um, he's at work.

No, really? What's he do?

He imports bauxite.

Really?

Bauxite? That's a cutthroat business.

It's not what you know, it's who you
know.

Is that right?

Ed, I can't go on this stand.

Well, listen, um, Lois, what you're
feeling, those are just pre -trial

It's natural. Everybody gets them. I get
them. You'll be fine. It's not jitters.

The reason my hair looks this way is
because I told Ramona to keep cutting.

Oh.

Oh.

Lois, do you want to get married?

No.

I'm not sure.

I mean, Chuck's a great guy.

You know, I just... I'm afraid to take
the plunge.

Lois, this might not be my place, but...
Can I offer you some non -legal advice?

Sure.

I don't really know you.

I don't really know Chuck.

But if you're going to get married, be
sure.

Don't just do it and hope it works out.

Let me make some.

Lady,

get up out of that chair tonight. You
and I are doing something we've never

before.

What? We're making french fries.

We're making french fries?

These crazy Belgians know how to live.

I'm shaking it up, man.

You hiding from me?

I'm fixing some equipment.

Ed, I know that you were avoiding me
last time I came here. I don't know what

you're talking about.

Come on. Kenny's not that good a liar.
And he told me about the Skywriter. All

right, fine. And you're here because?

I feel like we just had the same
conversation with Nick. Yeah, I'm

really kind of busy here.

Sorry to waste your time.

And thanks for all your help there, Ed.

You're angry at me? Why are you angry at
me? Why are you angry at me? Because I

show up at your school and you
immediately assume I'm there to ask you

That's arrogant. You're arrogant. It
must be nice to be that arrogant.

You were planning to ask me out. You
didn't know that. You did not know that

yet you immediately assumed it. What
kind of person assumes something like

It's incredible. It's just unbelievable.

Ed, you showed up in my classroom in a
suit of armor to ask me out. You made a

video of yourself singing to ask me out.
I break up with my boyfriend.

I don't think it's a crazy assumption to
think you might ask me out again.

You know what, Carol? When you assume...
Assume? No.

Right, you were going to ask me out. You
hired a skywriter. Fine, I hired a

skywriter. Forgive me. I hired a
skywriter to ask you out of all the

things to do to someone.

You're not thinking clearly. No, Carol,
I wasn't thinking clearly, okay? You

said to yourself, this was never about
you. It was because I was messed up over

a divorce while I did something
impulsive and stupid.

Very stupid.

You're arrogant.

I'm arrogant?

I'm arrogant? How am I so arrogant?
You're arrogant. You're the one who is

arrogant because you pretend to be Mr.
Lovable Nice Guy and you're not.

Carol, you're in the wrong relationship.

You don't know me, but I'm Ed Stevens,
and I'm adorable.

What kind of person assumes that? You
know what, Carol? You don't have to

about that ever again, okay? Because the
days of Ed Stevens putting on suits of

armor and hiring skywriters and making
videotapes to ask out Carol Vesey are

over. They are so over, and you never
have to worry about that ever again.

Fine. Fine. I am leaving now. I'm fixing
a bowling pin setting machine.

Ed. Ed.

Ed. Young.

Hi,

Nick.

I can see it in your face.

She's got you, doesn't she?

Who?

Carol.

You are in for the ride of your life.

What are you talking about?

Fly high, Icarus.

But don't you get too close to the sun.

I'm not understanding a heck of a lot of
what you're saying here.

One day, you will.

Duncan, I believe we have a tradition
here at the Smiling Goat. That we do.

The three questions.

A man has come before us today with a
broken heart.

Let us go about mending it.

First, how much do you love her?

This is the girl.

that swirls around inside of you.

Sometimes she robs you.

Sometimes she fixes you.

But always she moves you.

Next, how much do you miss her?

Just like that, all the colors are gone.

The world is black and white now with
just a few shades of gray to remind me

what it used to be.

And last, how much better off will you
be without her?

What's the happiest day in a man's life?
The day he meets the girl. What's the

happiest day in a man's life? The day
he's free again.

What's the happiest day in a man's life?
The day he meets the girl. What's the

happiest day in a man's life? The day
he's free again.

What's the happiest day in a man's

life?

Left behind a friend of mine.

I've seen that a day.

Left by a statue of Augustine.

Except for one.

I turn my back on her.

Lovely rose.

Trenchcoat hangs inside her door.

I've seen better days.

It's not here.

Come on. Come with me. What?

Come. What are you doing? Come on. Don't
ask him any questions.

Come on.

Hurry. Come on. We're late. Where are we
going?

Here.

What? Look up.

Ed,

I can't afford to lose you as a friend
now.

I don't think I can afford that either.

Let's face it.

We have been through a lot together.

Nick and Liz.

Bowling alley purchases.

Yeah, right.

We're not ready for each other.

I know we're not.

I don't want to make another mistake
right now.

Do you?

No.

I don't want to make another mistake
either.

So what do we do now?

We agree to be friends.

Good friends.

For real this time, once and for all.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

And now that we're friends, you know
what we should do?

What's that?

I really think we should have a
sleepover.

Do you now?