All language subtitles for Benidorm s09e06.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,370 You're up, then. 2 00:00:48,371 --> 00:00:51,759 What time's our first appointment? 3 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,810 Quarter to two. 4 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,210 Half an hour. 5 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,490 Perfect. 6 00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:59,319 I'm just going to pop out and grab some brekkie. You'll be all right here, won't 7 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,679 you? You should have done this. 8 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,000 You locked up last night. 9 00:01:02,001 --> 00:01:03,439 Some of that's new. 10 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,490 How can it be new? 11 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:05,610 Maybe it's from you. 12 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,860 I have noticed you've been getting a little bit on top lately. 13 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,210 What? 14 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,260 Down! God! 15 00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,950 I need to put a bloody bell on you or something. 16 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,760 Right, team meeting, gather round. 17 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:22,880 Gather round? We're all stood here. How much more round do you want us to be? 18 00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:25,439 Do you really want me to answer that, Kenneth? 19 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:30,780 Right, well, as you know, I am opening a brand -new flagship salon in Soho. 20 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:35,639 And, well, basically, I've realised what a flagship salon needs, most of all, is 21 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:41,999 a flagship manager, someone professional, someone I can trust, 22 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,200 know will... Troy, Troy, Troy. 23 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,530 Let me stop you there. 24 00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:51,799 I'm flattered, obviously. I mean, who wouldn't be? But I can't go back there 25 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:55,640 now. If nothing else, my skin has become acclimatised. 26 00:01:55,880 --> 00:02:00,659 If I so much had set foot off that plane in Gatwick, it would crack like fine 27 00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:01,659 bone china. 28 00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:05,900 So, as much as I appreciate your offer, I'm afraid it's a no from me. 29 00:02:10,060 --> 00:02:11,380 Well, this is awkward. 30 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,330 What do you mean? 31 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:14,520 I was talking about you. 32 00:02:23,050 --> 00:02:24,610 You know who that is, don't you? 33 00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:26,260 Uri Geller. 34 00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:29,970 Who? Uri Geller. Oh, you must have heard of him. He's a big star, man. 35 00:02:30,590 --> 00:02:33,270 Why? What does he do? He bends spoons. 36 00:02:34,590 --> 00:02:35,640 Who on earth? 37 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:37,270 I. Spoons. Spoons. 38 00:02:37,770 --> 00:02:39,070 He bends spoons. Why? 39 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:40,690 And what if he's famous? 40 00:02:41,650 --> 00:02:42,700 Madre mia. 41 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,090 Good morning, team. 42 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:48,030 Mateo, Les, or should I say Neville. 43 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:50,780 It's fine, it's fine. 44 00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:54,000 Hazing the new boss, eh? Aye, aye. Yes, very good. 45 00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:58,119 Well, never let it be said I don't enjoy a good wheeze, but hopefully I've 46 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,019 passed your little initiation test now. We can get through the next few days 47 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:04,840 without any more... The Benidorm Spiritual and Psychic Convention. 48 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:09,039 Aye. Twelve till five in the function room. I don't have anything down about 49 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,150 this. It's okay. They have it here every year. All of the psychotics come. No. 50 00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:16,750 No, this is not good at all. I wasn't... I mean, I'm not prepared. 51 00:03:16,751 --> 00:03:20,069 How many people are coming? I mean, I should know numbers, shouldn't I? You 52 00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:23,020 know, in case of, I don't know, an earthquake or something. 53 00:03:23,021 --> 00:03:24,989 We do not get many earthquakes in Alicante. 54 00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:29,390 Well, some other type of disaster then. A hurricane or a flood or a fire. 55 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:31,810 Please, calm down, Lord Henry. 56 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:35,369 I have a full list of all the guests and speakers. I will print you out a copy 57 00:03:35,370 --> 00:03:36,690 and bring it to your office. 58 00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:39,050 Right. Well, yes, that would be... 59 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,410 Thank you. 60 00:03:41,411 --> 00:03:47,299 Mateo, don't print out that list. I'll do it. I just want to add a couple more 61 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:51,159 names. What do you mean, add a couple of more names? Don't worry about it. I'll 62 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,210 explain everything. 63 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,740 Just leave it with me, okay? 64 00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:56,430 Anyway, isn't it time you two opened the bar? 65 00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:16,329 And you're absolutely sure that blue is pregnant? 66 00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:18,290 Yes, it means pregnant. 67 00:04:18,709 --> 00:04:20,850 Only to me that doesn't look blue. 68 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,010 More turquoise. 69 00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:28,130 Actually, that's the colour I had in mind for our spare room. 70 00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:29,680 I doubt. 71 00:04:34,710 --> 00:04:36,670 It's blue and it's real. 72 00:04:37,830 --> 00:04:38,880 I'm pregnant. 73 00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,190 Maybe it's all molten. 74 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,040 Well, don't you think you should, love? 75 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,260 He needs to know. 76 00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:52,260 Like it or not, he's sort of part of the family now. 77 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,360 Not necessarily. 78 00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:57,240 What do you mean? 79 00:04:57,820 --> 00:05:04,279 I mean there's a teeny, tiny, teensy chance 80 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,580 that the baby's not his. 81 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:13,800 I'll tell you what it sounds like to me, son. 82 00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,450 A midlife crisis. 83 00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:18,250 It's not a midlife crisis, all right. 84 00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:21,130 Just a couple of nights of bad dreams, that's all. 85 00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:24,100 Yeah, and I was the one who had to suffer through them. 86 00:05:24,850 --> 00:05:28,150 Kicking and carrying on. What were these dreams about, Dad? 87 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:29,800 Us. 88 00:05:29,801 --> 00:05:30,969 Us lot. 89 00:05:30,970 --> 00:05:32,170 We were homeless. 90 00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:35,650 Destitute. Living on the streets. 91 00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:40,010 Across the way there was this big billboard with our Jodie's face on it. 92 00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:43,220 She was a film star and she divorced us. 93 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:44,590 Divorced us? 94 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,480 Yeah. The whole family, you know, like the American child stars do. 95 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,860 Classic midlife crisis dream. 96 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:52,820 It's not a midlife crisis! 97 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,479 All right, tell me something. Do you find yourself constantly wondering 98 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,040 you've made the right choices? 99 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:02,819 Do you look at your kids and think, how come they've got all the chances I 100 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:06,639 never? Do you look at your wife and think, whatever happened to that svelte 101 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,600 young thing that I married? Excuse me? 102 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,170 Just asking. 103 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,590 Billy? 104 00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:16,430 Hmm? 105 00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:19,970 What, God, no, of course I don't. What are you on about, Dad? 106 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:24,879 Well, all right. But if it is a midlife crisis, the good news is that eventually 107 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,520 you get over it. 108 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,700 And then you end up like me. 109 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:33,170 Well, there's something for you to look forward to. 110 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:37,740 Look, it was a work. 111 00:06:37,741 --> 00:06:39,599 Team -building thing, all right? 112 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,040 A murder mystery weekend. 113 00:06:41,041 --> 00:06:44,019 A murder mystery weekend and you didn't invite me? 114 00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,980 Oh, yes, Pauline, you should have asked Jeff. 115 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,799 You always guessed who'd done it, didn't you? Do you remember when we used to 116 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,560 watch that programme together? 117 00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:57,860 Poirot? No, not Poirot. The other one. 118 00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,550 Oh. 119 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,870 Oh. 120 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,460 Come on, then, what happened? 121 00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:04,670 I can't remember. 122 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:06,030 You can't remember? 123 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,580 Scooby -Doo, that was it. 124 00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:13,699 When you say you can't remember, would I be correct in assuming alcohol might 125 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,750 have been involved? 126 00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:16,910 Perhaps. 127 00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:23,220 One or two small, large vodkas. 128 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:25,350 Or three. 129 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,520 Pauline, are you pregnant? 130 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,250 Oh, Mum. 131 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:34,900 Mum, she obviously wasn't... She had no idea who, er... 132 00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:40,869 No. No. It could have been any one of two of them. Okay, two. Well, that's 133 00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:41,920 not... Maybe three. 134 00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:44,500 All right, five. 135 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,830 Five. Okay, Jeff. There were five people with me. 136 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,970 Don't go getting upset, Pauline, love. 137 00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,770 Perhaps we could narrow it down. 138 00:07:54,330 --> 00:07:56,890 Now, were any of them women? 139 00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:07,320 Fortune tellers, palm readers. No, you're barking up the wrong tree there, 140 00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:11,450 I've seen these sort of shows before. It's usually just psychology and 141 00:08:11,451 --> 00:08:15,509 Which is probably what about half the attendees are expecting, but that still 142 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:19,389 leaves a good two quarters. They'll be after the mumbo jumbo, and we're going 143 00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:23,009 give it to them. Now, I've already put a call in to a local medium, and I'm 144 00:08:23,010 --> 00:08:26,469 still working on trying to track down a palmist. We'll set the tents up over 145 00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:29,650 there, puck it half the takings, and split it three ways. 146 00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,100 What do you say? 147 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,780 She does this a lot. Would you say no? 148 00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:42,019 Mateo, Neville, look, I don't want to be all wally -wally guts with you, but our 149 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:46,639 little chat this morning about earthquakes and tornadoes and fires got 150 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,770 thinking. When was the last time this place had a safety drill? 151 00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:55,340 Um... August 16th. 152 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,810 August what? 153 00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:58,820 Literally the day before I arrived? 154 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,290 Mm -hmm. 155 00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:03,650 Oh, well, that's great. 156 00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:08,469 And the fire extinguishers. I checked the one in reception, and it says it was 157 00:09:08,470 --> 00:09:09,830 last tested in July. 158 00:09:09,831 --> 00:09:14,129 Same everywhere. You know, it's like sell -by dates in supermarkets. You 159 00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:15,809 add a couple of months on, like that. 160 00:09:15,810 --> 00:09:19,130 Yes. And on top of all that, I have a big house. 161 00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:22,500 It is behind the barge. You cannot see from there. 162 00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:26,400 Well, this is quite the weight off my mind. I don't mind telling you. 163 00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,450 Oh, and here's the list of all the attendees, Sir Henry. 164 00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:33,020 Fortune teller? 165 00:09:33,730 --> 00:09:34,780 Palm reader? 166 00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:37,650 Yes. We do it every year, don't we, Mateo? 167 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:39,950 As regular as our fire drills. 168 00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:41,680 Great. Splendid. 169 00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:43,040 As you were, then. 170 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,300 Thanks, boys. 171 00:09:45,301 --> 00:09:48,169 Do you know what she has done, don't you? 172 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,130 She has put us in the same boat as her. 173 00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:57,769 Liam, if you'd let me finish talking before you marched out. 174 00:09:57,770 --> 00:09:59,069 I haven't actually said yes. 175 00:09:59,070 --> 00:10:02,069 Look, Kenny didn't want to do it anyway, so... That's not the point! 176 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:03,210 You never asked me! 177 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:04,810 You were never asking me! 178 00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:07,030 I've been here twice as long as him. 179 00:10:07,031 --> 00:10:10,349 Plus, I've practically run this place single -handedly for you while you've 180 00:10:10,350 --> 00:10:12,090 galloping off doing God knows what. 181 00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:15,950 I have worked my fingers to the bone for you, you selfish ingrate. 182 00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:18,510 Look! Look at my calluses. 183 00:10:18,511 --> 00:10:21,069 They're mostly on your right hand, I noticed. 184 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:22,990 That's because it's me brushing hand! 185 00:10:22,991 --> 00:10:25,209 Oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days? 186 00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:27,069 Oh, so you think it's funny now, do you? 187 00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:30,020 Well, you can lap it up on your own from now on. Because I quit. 188 00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:31,960 All right? 189 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:37,980 Not really, no. 190 00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:41,270 We've blown our entire week's budget in, like, four days. 191 00:10:41,271 --> 00:10:43,729 I don't know what you're so bothered about. 192 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:47,490 Who needs money? We've got everything we need right here. 193 00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,110 Everything except girls, Joey. 194 00:10:50,111 --> 00:10:52,429 I mean, have you seen this place this year? 195 00:10:52,430 --> 00:10:54,600 It's like something from The Walking Dead. 196 00:10:54,650 --> 00:10:55,790 And we're stuck with it. 197 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,660 Because all we've got left is however much this is. 198 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,150 €44 .25. 199 00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,190 He's right. 200 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,210 How do you know that? 201 00:11:07,211 --> 00:11:08,279 I counted it. 202 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,600 But you barely looked at it. 203 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,370 This is that maths thing of yours again, isn't it? 204 00:11:13,171 --> 00:11:17,759 Didn't you say you booked some cards with you? 205 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,810 Yeah. 206 00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:22,310 I'll be right back. 207 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:23,730 Oh! 208 00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:25,320 Are we going to play Snap? 209 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,240 I'm wicked hot at snaps. 210 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,170 Hey, hey! 211 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,450 Yuri! 212 00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:37,360 I don't believe it! 213 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,830 Why didn't you tell me you were coming here, you big shithouse? 214 00:11:40,831 --> 00:11:44,659 Please tell me you're up for a drink later, because I'm having the holiday 215 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:48,739 hell. Got the old tribe out there with us, including Loretta. Hey, did I tell 216 00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:51,599 you her and me dad are having to chip in for our Geordie's stage school fees? 217 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,550 And you better believe they rub it in every chance they get. 218 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,610 No, I'm stressed out to the max, mate. Worrying 24 -7 about everything. 219 00:11:58,611 --> 00:12:01,959 Dad reckons it's a midlife crisis, but that can't be right. I mean, I'm only... 220 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:07,380 Oh, my God. 221 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:09,570 Yuri Urigella. 222 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,340 It's pronounced Uri. 223 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:17,020 Oh, you must think I am so sorry. You look just like my mate, Stevie. 224 00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:21,519 I mean, he looks just like you. Everybody calls him Yuri. I mean, Uri, 225 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,980 he looks just like me. I get it. 226 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,280 Look, it's fine. Don't worry. 227 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,860 These things happen. 228 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:36,619 Actually, it's a shame because my lecture is totally booked up and I 229 00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:41,080 could have helped you. But perhaps I can give you some advice anyway. 230 00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:42,870 Worry. 231 00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:44,470 Stress. 232 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:49,699 These are the results of negative energy. And do you know what causes 233 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:50,750 energy? 234 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,600 Audrey Laws? No. 235 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,190 Negative thinking. 236 00:12:55,570 --> 00:13:00,250 Let me explain you something. It all comes from inside. 237 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:08,209 Negative thoughts lead to negative energy. And positive thoughts lead to... 238 00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:12,990 Positive energy. And positive energy leads to a happier Billy. 239 00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:16,120 Hang on. 240 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:17,870 How do you know my name? 241 00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:19,580 Look, Billy. 242 00:13:20,140 --> 00:13:25,419 If you want to change your entire life for the better, you have to remember two 243 00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:26,900 simple words. 244 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:30,140 Positive thinking. 245 00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,040 I need a drink. 246 00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:53,489 Pauline, no. 247 00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:58,030 A soft drink, Mum, OK? I couldn't have alcohol now even if I wanted, could I? 248 00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:00,730 Not for another nine months. 249 00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:10,650 Son, does it make me a bad person if I hope Malcolm isn't the father? 250 00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:13,990 What our Pauline told us about him? No, Mum. 251 00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:16,470 I want to admit you're completely sane. 252 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,990 If only we knew which one of the other candidates was most likely, love. 253 00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,780 I know, love. It's a mystery. 254 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,110 We're always good at solving mysteries, don't we? 255 00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:33,910 Me! 256 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,420 It's me. Wasn't that clear? 257 00:14:35,421 --> 00:14:39,659 Look, mark my words. By the end of today, we'll have it down from a one to 258 00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:43,060 to a one to two. Well, my name's not the Oracle. 259 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,540 Come mother, the game is a foot. 260 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,100 Oh, son, I've only just sat him down. 261 00:14:57,820 --> 00:15:00,340 Can you not play with yourself? 262 00:15:00,341 --> 00:15:04,259 Did he not tell you about my dramatic walkout? 263 00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:05,760 It's more of a flounce, really. 264 00:15:05,761 --> 00:15:09,779 Look, Liam's a young lad and he's proved himself. I just want to give him a 265 00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:13,019 chance. He doesn't know what to do, you know. Doesn't know whether to take it or 266 00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,160 not. It's a big decision. 267 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:18,100 One he could really use his best friend's help with. 268 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,300 Kenneth, what's this really about? 269 00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:23,310 Oh. 270 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:25,530 Oh. 271 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,530 Wait. 272 00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,420 I'm getting a message for someone here. 273 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:32,910 Oh, who? 274 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,560 Him. Not today, Lord. 275 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:36,950 All right. 276 00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:38,760 You, then. Me? 277 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,740 Oh, who's it from? I can't tell you now. 278 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,140 Come to my tent later. 279 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,230 OK. I will. 280 00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:50,310 At what time are you planning on opening your flaps? 281 00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:52,010 Half an hour. 282 00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:53,790 I'll bring you Perth. 283 00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:57,550 A message for you, eh? I wonder if it's from your Donald. 284 00:15:58,010 --> 00:15:59,060 Oh, no. 285 00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:01,830 He's far too busy up there. 286 00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:06,230 Actually, I hope it's from my friend Sammy. 287 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,650 Sammy? Sammy the Tranny. 288 00:16:08,870 --> 00:16:11,210 Part of the Brighton set. 289 00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:12,970 We lost him last time. 290 00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,910 An incident with a trampoline. 291 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:21,050 I need you two to set the tent up for me. 292 00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:24,720 Right. 293 00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:26,620 Here. 294 00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:33,730 And from you, I need a chair, a table, a candle, and a large bottle of brandy. 295 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:38,369 Brandy? Yes, well, it's the spiritualist thing, really. You wouldn't understand. 296 00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:41,390 Let's just say a much more susceptible... 297 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,230 to being entered after I've had a glass or two. 298 00:16:44,530 --> 00:16:46,820 I think you are preaching to the convertible. 299 00:16:57,990 --> 00:17:00,450 What are we looking for? 300 00:17:00,870 --> 00:17:02,590 The social media passwords. 301 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:07,810 There's no way somebody with our Pauline history would rely on remembering them. 302 00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,690 It must be written down somewhere. 303 00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,220 Now, listen. 304 00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:15,630 You stand guard, and if you see her coming, make a noise or something. 305 00:17:16,329 --> 00:17:17,829 What sort of noise? 306 00:17:18,730 --> 00:17:22,410 I think a hooting owl is somewhat traditional in these situations. 307 00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:24,609 Can I be a kookaburra? 308 00:17:24,829 --> 00:17:27,329 I've always liked kookaburras. 309 00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:28,600 Yeah, whatever. 310 00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:32,530 What noise do they make? 311 00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:58,950 My family. 312 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,080 My wonderful, wonderful family. 313 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,980 Who? Of course. 314 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,080 What on earth are you wearing? 315 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,600 Cozy. Do you like them? 316 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,930 Some woman over the road was selling them. 317 00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:16,190 Yeah. 318 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:17,720 What are you doing? 319 00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:19,640 There you go, Loretta. 320 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,920 If anything, that makes you look even more beautiful. 321 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,800 What? Are you taking... 322 00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,310 Is he taking the piss? 323 00:18:30,830 --> 00:18:37,270 But of course, nothing, nothing could make you more beautiful. 324 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,300 Thanks. 325 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:15,439 Jeff? Oh, no, I wasn't, um... I was, uh... I needed to borrow 326 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,820 some... chapstick. 327 00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:20,700 Chapstick? I don't use chapstick. 328 00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:23,060 What, with all those big man legs? 329 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,410 Oh. 330 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:45,380 It's OK, I'll, um... I'll borrow some marge from the bar. 331 00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:47,070 Come along, Mother. 332 00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:48,880 I'm sorry, son. 333 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,540 I just had to lift the loo. 334 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,140 Kenneth, talk to me! 335 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,140 Sorry. Can't hear you. 336 00:19:58,580 --> 00:19:59,630 Judas! 337 00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:02,110 Zayn Malik! 338 00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:17,940 Okay, what have I got? 339 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,419 Queen of spades, four of hearts, eight of spades, two of spades, jack of 340 00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,620 diamonds, jack of clubs. 341 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,220 What did that tell you? 342 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,150 It's all right. 343 00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,460 Once more, just to be sure. 344 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,010 We've got a problem. 345 00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,480 I've rang every contact I've got. 346 00:20:45,481 --> 00:20:48,229 And there are no palm readers available on such short notice. 347 00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:49,789 Aye, well, we'll just have to deal with that. 348 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:50,729 We can't do that. 349 00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:54,470 They always draw the biggest numbers, ergo the biggest profits. 350 00:20:55,430 --> 00:20:57,170 Why do we not ask the bender to do it? 351 00:20:57,171 --> 00:21:00,709 For what young Liam was saying, I don't think he's in the mood. 352 00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,950 No, I am talking about him with the spoons. 353 00:21:03,230 --> 00:21:06,070 Oh, him? Man, he doesn't do parlour trick. 354 00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:11,229 Anyway, when it comes to palm readers, people expect a certain type. You know, 355 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,730 wizened old crone from some exotic land or other. 356 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:17,189 So you're saying we need someone in a dress? 357 00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:19,130 With a face that has seen better days. 358 00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:21,330 And an almost impenetrable accent? 359 00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:22,600 Aye. 360 00:21:24,090 --> 00:21:25,140 What? 361 00:21:41,010 --> 00:21:42,060 We're in. 362 00:21:42,890 --> 00:21:43,940 I'm going first. 363 00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:47,700 Really, Jeff? 364 00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:49,450 With our mother sat right there? 365 00:21:49,830 --> 00:21:50,880 Eh? 366 00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:53,750 No, I wasn't looking at porn. 367 00:21:54,090 --> 00:21:55,490 What were you doing then? 368 00:21:55,950 --> 00:22:01,790 I was... I was looking at porn. 369 00:22:02,250 --> 00:22:03,410 Oh, son. 370 00:22:04,150 --> 00:22:05,270 I'm going for a walk. 371 00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:07,170 Clear my head. 372 00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:13,030 Here, at the pool with all the little kiddies running around. 373 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,510 I wasn't looking at porn, mother. 374 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,200 It's our appalling social media page. 375 00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:23,200 These are all the prime suspects. 376 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,140 Just have to whittle them down. 377 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,040 Now where are you going? 378 00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:33,040 To see if they'll let me use the printer. 379 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:36,390 If we're going to do this, we're going to do it properly. 380 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,180 I think he's good, no? 381 00:22:41,181 --> 00:22:45,019 Mateo, when I told you to fetch some bedsheets, they meant ones that had 382 00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:46,070 been laundered. 383 00:22:46,071 --> 00:22:49,049 I don't know why we bothered with the frame at all. Half of these ones could 384 00:22:49,050 --> 00:22:50,310 have stood up on their own. 385 00:22:53,610 --> 00:22:54,830 You look great. 386 00:22:55,510 --> 00:22:56,560 I feel ridiculous. 387 00:23:00,210 --> 00:23:04,060 Perfect. Right, I'm going to go check out what time the last lecture finishes. 388 00:23:04,230 --> 00:23:07,540 You guys see if you can't drum up a bit of interest here beforehand. 389 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:25,919 He's not moved since I left. He's not moved for five minutes, so we're sure he 390 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:26,719 isn't dead. 391 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,500 Can you die standing up? 392 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:30,730 Billy? 393 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:33,840 Are you OK? 394 00:23:34,460 --> 00:23:35,510 Hmm? 395 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:37,840 Oh, yeah, I'm fine. 396 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,020 Better than fine, actually. 397 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,090 I'm happy. 398 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,700 Right, well, that's nice. 399 00:23:43,980 --> 00:23:47,680 Only you do seem to be acting a little, er, odd. 400 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,170 Am I, Sharon? 401 00:23:49,620 --> 00:23:50,670 Am I? 402 00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:57,580 Or, for the first time in my life, am I actually acting normal? 403 00:23:58,660 --> 00:24:01,080 No, no, I'm going to stick with odd. 404 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,240 Son, are you sure you haven't had a bang on head or something? 405 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,840 Oh, I've had something better than that, Dad. 406 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,760 I've had an epiphany. 407 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,040 I just spoke to Uri Geller. 408 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,980 His friends call him Uri. 409 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,420 Oh, my God, he's hallucinating. 410 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,100 And is he here now? 411 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,810 No. 412 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:28,160 Of course he isn't. But he has changed my life with just two simple words. 413 00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:30,560 Positive thinking. 414 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:32,700 Powerful, aren't they? 415 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,700 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 416 00:24:57,011 --> 00:24:58,819 What, in here? 417 00:24:58,820 --> 00:25:01,960 Yes. Madam Jordina has requested your person on me. 418 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,370 Madam who? 419 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,720 Oh, God! 420 00:25:06,140 --> 00:25:08,900 I think somebody's been using this for a crap house. 421 00:25:09,380 --> 00:25:12,500 Please come sit, my child. 422 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,700 Oh, for God's... Nev, I know it's you. 423 00:25:15,701 --> 00:25:19,259 What, you've been here barely two days and already that bloody travel rep's got 424 00:25:19,260 --> 00:25:21,339 you rubbed into one of her crappy scams, has she? 425 00:25:21,340 --> 00:25:26,619 Aye. Hey, hey, but what she didn't reckon with is that I really do have the 426 00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:27,760 gift. Do you? 427 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,920 Come. Sit. 428 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,280 All right. This better be good. 429 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,090 Oh, dear. 430 00:25:41,091 --> 00:25:42,279 What is it? 431 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,330 Is it my lifeline? 432 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,920 No. It's your friendship line. 433 00:25:45,921 --> 00:25:47,619 Your what? 434 00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:52,519 This line here. Oh, that's a very strong line, is that? You've got a very strong 435 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:53,880 friendship in your life. 436 00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:59,099 But look, it's... Suddenly, forks off, almost as if the... Almost as if me best 437 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,659 friend and flatmate's forking off and leaving me on me tod. 438 00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:05,880 Nice try, Madam Jordina. Did he put you up to this, did he? No. No, he didn't. 439 00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:09,030 You're not upset that he got off of the job over you. 440 00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:11,160 You're upset that he's going to leave. 441 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,800 No. Oh, listen, man. 442 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,120 Young Liam thinks the world of you. He looks up to you. 443 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,320 To be honest, I reckon if you asked him not to leave, he wouldn't. 444 00:26:24,910 --> 00:26:25,960 You can fork up an arm. 445 00:26:37,810 --> 00:26:40,470 Oi! Who the bloody hell are you? 446 00:26:41,170 --> 00:26:43,070 This is Madame Jordina. 447 00:26:43,290 --> 00:26:44,510 She's a great mistake. 448 00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:48,030 Mystic? Mystic. No, she's not. She's not even a woman. 449 00:26:48,570 --> 00:26:49,620 She's an ugly barman. 450 00:26:49,810 --> 00:26:52,940 Hey, all right, steady on, pet. You need oil painting yourself. 451 00:26:53,139 --> 00:26:57,439 OK, are you ready? The nutters, I mean believers, are on their way out the 452 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:58,359 function room now. 453 00:26:58,360 --> 00:26:59,560 Get in your tents, quick. 454 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,980 All right, I will get in my tents. 455 00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:04,980 But you could forget about your 25 % cut. 456 00:27:05,180 --> 00:27:06,660 What? But we agreed. 457 00:27:07,020 --> 00:27:10,510 Ah, well, that was before you stuck this great circus clown next to me. 458 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,680 Aye, I happen to be a professional. 459 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:15,410 Give me that. 460 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,840 Give it, give it. 461 00:27:17,060 --> 00:27:18,560 Go, go, go! 462 00:27:18,561 --> 00:27:23,259 If she thinks she's getting away with this, she's got another thing coming. 463 00:27:23,260 --> 00:27:24,940 You and me are going to make sure. 464 00:27:25,180 --> 00:27:27,650 Madam Georgina does twice the business she does. 465 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:29,290 Oh, they're coming. 466 00:27:30,780 --> 00:27:31,830 Hiya! 467 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,980 It's easier being said than done. 468 00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:42,520 What the Lord call of me? 469 00:27:42,780 --> 00:27:44,060 I'm sorry, son. 470 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,900 I don't understand you with that stick in your mouth. 471 00:27:49,210 --> 00:27:50,260 Right. 472 00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:52,670 This is what we know. 473 00:27:53,730 --> 00:27:59,409 According to Pauline's post, her and her colleagues arrived at the manor on the 474 00:27:59,410 --> 00:28:02,490 evening of July 6th at 1800 hours. 475 00:28:02,810 --> 00:28:03,860 They had supper. 476 00:28:04,130 --> 00:28:11,109 Then at 1915 hours precisely, Pauline returned to her room. Word upon, a 477 00:28:11,110 --> 00:28:16,850 lengthy and tedious chatlock between herself and Malcolm has been recorded. 478 00:28:17,490 --> 00:28:19,070 I propose... 479 00:28:19,420 --> 00:28:24,920 that it was at the conclusion of this very chat she took her first drink. 480 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,760 Oh, poor Pauline. 481 00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:31,900 After that, the timeline and the post become muddied. 482 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,819 At this point, the one thing we do know is that she eventually woke up the 483 00:28:37,820 --> 00:28:40,800 following morning in a room that wasn't her own. 484 00:28:42,300 --> 00:28:45,180 The original occupant already vanished. 485 00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:47,550 But he's up there. 486 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,580 Somewhere on this wall. 487 00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:52,360 Darren Roberts. 488 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:53,960 Paul Butler. 489 00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:55,910 Henry Poe. 490 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:57,650 Andy Brooks. 491 00:28:58,840 --> 00:28:59,890 Lionel Harris. 492 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,580 So, who was it? 493 00:29:03,020 --> 00:29:04,760 Well, I don't know that yet, do I? 494 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,010 That's the whole purpose of this exercise. 495 00:29:09,740 --> 00:29:10,840 Now, leave me. 496 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,600 I must enter my mind palace. 497 00:29:20,490 --> 00:29:23,890 But don't stay inside all day, will you, son? 498 00:29:24,470 --> 00:29:26,750 You know it's not good for you. 499 00:29:35,850 --> 00:29:38,070 Here it is, here it is. 500 00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:43,069 I've never been to a casino before. I've always wanted to. After this, I've just 501 00:29:43,070 --> 00:29:47,109 got to swim with tortoises and meet Harry Potter, and then my bucket list is 502 00:29:47,110 --> 00:29:48,160 complete! 503 00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:52,879 I'm going to be honest with you, when you brought me in on this, I didn't 504 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,859 realise I'd be the one putting up all the cash. 505 00:29:54,860 --> 00:29:58,179 What are you worried about, mate? We're going to double it, triple it, 506 00:29:58,180 --> 00:29:59,230 quadrangle it. 507 00:29:59,540 --> 00:30:00,800 You've seen what he can do. 508 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,330 Kid's a genius. 509 00:30:07,020 --> 00:30:08,070 Oh, 510 00:30:08,380 --> 00:30:10,840 goodbye, Jacqueline. 511 00:30:10,841 --> 00:30:12,419 Oh, 512 00:30:12,420 --> 00:30:17,000 it's been lovely talking to you again anyway, Sammy. 513 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,620 And you know what's funny? 514 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,540 You seem to have lost your speech impediment when you crossed over. 515 00:30:25,420 --> 00:30:26,470 Oh. 516 00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:30,220 Oh. The spirit is fading. 517 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,080 She's gone. The spirit is gone. 518 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,780 But she leaves her love with you. 519 00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:42,230 Her love? 520 00:30:42,580 --> 00:30:43,630 His love. 521 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:48,020 Sometimes when they come through, it's hard to tell. 522 00:30:48,460 --> 00:30:52,680 Oh, that's all right. To be fair, it was hard to tell when he was alive. 523 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,660 Oh, that's why Sammy was the best. 524 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:58,720 Thank you. 525 00:31:00,740 --> 00:31:01,790 Next! 526 00:31:03,580 --> 00:31:06,000 I said, next! 527 00:31:12,380 --> 00:31:16,240 What in the name of Doris Stokes is going on? 528 00:31:16,860 --> 00:31:22,900 And why is that great Geordie Cretting getting more punters than... 80 euros? 529 00:31:23,020 --> 00:31:24,340 That's far too much. 530 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,100 Well, I did say I'd take care of the pricing structure. 531 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:32,759 And as you are the professional one here, I just thought your fee should 532 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,080 that. This charade has gone on long enough. 533 00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:42,280 Hey, Ocupido! 534 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,120 Why is this so sticky? 535 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:48,490 This is not good. 536 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:54,079 Right, thank you all for coming. I'm afraid both our mystics need a quick 537 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,260 to charge their psychic energy. 538 00:31:56,860 --> 00:32:02,120 The only thing that's going to get charged around here is you for fraud. 539 00:32:02,620 --> 00:32:06,899 Hello, um, what's going on here exactly? I'll tell you what's going on. These 540 00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:12,100 wistful little chimps of yours are making a mockery of the mystic arts. 541 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,240 And I am going to see to it that they regret it. 542 00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:18,860 Why? What are you going to do? 543 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,920 Put the curse on us? 544 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,040 Maybe I will. 545 00:32:25,260 --> 00:32:28,720 Try your worst. I do not believe in your jumbo mumbo. 546 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,250 Fire! 547 00:32:38,251 --> 00:32:39,639 Oh, my God! 548 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,280 Fire! Fire! 549 00:32:41,540 --> 00:32:42,980 Forgive me. Forgive me. 550 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,410 Forgive me. 551 00:32:44,411 --> 00:32:46,099 My tent! 552 00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:49,260 Somebody do something! My tent is nearly a hundred years old! 553 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:50,850 Nobody panic! 554 00:32:51,020 --> 00:32:54,040 Okay, just... We're trained for this. 555 00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:57,500 Oh, somebody help! It must have been your candle! 556 00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:00,970 Candle? 557 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,130 Right, 558 00:33:06,620 --> 00:33:08,820 okay, everyone, stand back! 559 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,490 You said you could have a couple... of months off. 560 00:33:17,860 --> 00:33:18,910 Oh. 561 00:33:26,260 --> 00:33:27,310 My big hole. 562 00:33:28,580 --> 00:33:31,480 Well, successful fire drill, I'd say. 563 00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:33,740 What did they say? 564 00:34:34,349 --> 00:34:36,399 I can't take this. We have to do something. 565 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,138 I am not spending the rest of my life married to some gurning, great, happy 566 00:34:40,139 --> 00:34:43,880 clapper. All right, steady on, love. It's my son you're talking about. 567 00:34:44,139 --> 00:34:48,359 No, it's not, Eddie. Your son is a worrier and a fetter and a part -time 568 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:51,320 dog. And I love him more than the world, and I want him back. 569 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:57,439 Even I'd take the useless, original version over whatever the heck that 570 00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,020 monstrosity up there is. 571 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,040 Give me all you got and, baby, don't hold back. 572 00:35:06,090 --> 00:35:07,190 So what do we do? 573 00:35:07,510 --> 00:35:08,650 I'll tell you what we do. 574 00:35:08,930 --> 00:35:11,410 We work together as a team for once. 575 00:35:11,650 --> 00:35:12,750 All three of us. 576 00:35:13,190 --> 00:35:16,350 But to depress the hell out of me. 577 00:35:20,230 --> 00:35:21,280 Oh, 578 00:35:23,470 --> 00:35:27,670 I see. 579 00:35:28,530 --> 00:35:29,810 I guess I'm too late. 580 00:35:30,130 --> 00:35:31,870 Um, Kenneth, Liam was... No. 581 00:35:33,150 --> 00:35:34,200 No, it's fine. 582 00:35:36,010 --> 00:35:39,510 Had it happened, I'd come to apologise anyway. 583 00:35:40,050 --> 00:35:41,100 You had? 584 00:35:41,270 --> 00:35:42,320 Yeah. 585 00:35:43,290 --> 00:35:44,910 And to offer me congratulations. 586 00:35:45,490 --> 00:35:46,850 I think you deserve this. 587 00:35:47,930 --> 00:35:48,980 Really? 588 00:35:49,150 --> 00:35:50,200 Yeah. 589 00:35:50,201 --> 00:35:55,109 That's the part where you're supposed to shake my hand, Liam. 590 00:35:55,110 --> 00:35:56,370 Oh, I can't. 591 00:35:56,371 --> 00:35:59,249 Why can't you? Is that because of the calico? 592 00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:00,330 Because of it? Can it? 593 00:36:01,190 --> 00:36:02,590 Liam turned down the job. 594 00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:04,280 What? 595 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:06,210 You did? 596 00:36:06,620 --> 00:36:08,800 How could I leave Benidorm? 597 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,680 Me dad, me friends. 598 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,740 Oh, isn't it wonderful? 599 00:36:14,060 --> 00:36:16,360 The gang's all staying together. 600 00:36:16,361 --> 00:36:17,799 Yeah, wonderful. 601 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,690 Now I've got to find someone in London to manage the place. 602 00:36:21,420 --> 00:36:26,080 You do realise, technically, you haven't asked me yet? 603 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,380 I didn't know when I didn't ask you. So? 604 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,310 I've been doing a lot of reflecting today and things have changed. 605 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:33,490 Ask me now. 606 00:36:33,491 --> 00:36:35,749 Kenneth, I can't believe you didn't... Shut your face. 607 00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:36,800 Okay. 608 00:36:37,110 --> 00:36:38,160 Troy? 609 00:36:40,390 --> 00:36:41,440 Ask me. 610 00:36:41,441 --> 00:36:43,289 Go on. 611 00:36:43,290 --> 00:36:44,340 Fine. 612 00:36:45,030 --> 00:36:47,440 Kenneth, would you like to manage my new salon? 613 00:36:50,001 --> 00:36:52,089 No, I wouldn't. 614 00:36:52,090 --> 00:36:53,210 Stick it up your arse. 615 00:37:03,569 --> 00:37:07,629 Okay. Right, now we've got that emotional stuff out the way, I think a 616 00:37:07,630 --> 00:37:08,680 drinks are in order. 617 00:37:08,970 --> 00:37:11,550 I'll follow you on. We've just got to sweep up first. 618 00:37:13,270 --> 00:37:14,890 I think you'll find that's my job. 619 00:37:23,210 --> 00:37:24,890 I'll sod this and spit my feathers. 620 00:37:27,990 --> 00:37:31,610 Dawn, why is it so dark? 621 00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:32,870 in here. 622 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:34,530 Oh. 623 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,240 I'm glad you made it. 624 00:37:36,241 --> 00:37:39,559 I suppose you're wondering why I called you both here. 625 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,060 Well, actually, we're on our way up. What the hell? 626 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,240 These are all my colleagues. 627 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,890 Only four of them. One of them potentially the father of your baby. 628 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,740 And now, I can finally reveal who. 629 00:37:53,620 --> 00:37:54,670 Jeff, love. 630 00:37:54,700 --> 00:37:55,750 Mum, do you mind? 631 00:37:55,980 --> 00:37:58,100 I'm trying to do me big day in your mum here. 632 00:37:58,420 --> 00:38:00,620 I know, son. But see... 633 00:38:01,290 --> 00:38:03,030 without any witnesses or evidence. 634 00:38:03,750 --> 00:38:06,160 Any one of these men could have been the culprit. 635 00:38:07,170 --> 00:38:10,070 That is, until you scratch beneath the surface. 636 00:38:11,190 --> 00:38:12,240 Darren Roberts. 637 00:38:12,470 --> 00:38:13,520 Status update. 638 00:38:13,650 --> 00:38:15,510 July 12th, 2014. 639 00:38:16,350 --> 00:38:17,730 Booked my vasectomy. 640 00:38:18,490 --> 00:38:19,540 Hashtag ouch. 641 00:38:21,850 --> 00:38:27,710 Andy Brooks lists his likes as art, poetry and the music of Barry Manilow. 642 00:38:29,230 --> 00:38:30,310 Need I say more? 643 00:38:31,890 --> 00:38:32,940 Lionel, hurry. 644 00:38:32,950 --> 00:38:34,670 Jeff, I'm not pregnant. 645 00:38:37,550 --> 00:38:39,750 You are? It's true, son. 646 00:38:40,810 --> 00:38:42,610 That's what we came to tell you. 647 00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:45,390 It was a faulty batch. 648 00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:50,070 So I went out and bought another one and... I'm not pregnant. 649 00:38:52,670 --> 00:38:56,550 And what the hell am I doing here? 650 00:38:58,670 --> 00:38:59,910 I should be celebrating. 651 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,280 I'm sorry, son. 652 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,860 Why don't you tell me you've done it anyway? 653 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:10,810 No point. 654 00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:14,460 Go on. You know who you want. Who? 655 00:39:16,380 --> 00:39:17,430 Paul Butler. 656 00:39:19,620 --> 00:39:20,780 The butler did it. 657 00:39:21,780 --> 00:39:28,699 And he would have got away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling 658 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:29,750 kids. 659 00:39:35,110 --> 00:39:39,570 Sean, what do you think she meant by celebrating? 660 00:39:43,110 --> 00:39:45,130 Oh, you're never going to believe this. 661 00:39:45,131 --> 00:39:49,869 Councils only have to stick them on their muddly mobile phone mapping right 662 00:39:49,870 --> 00:39:51,030 opposite our house. 663 00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:54,380 Oh, well, might actually get a signal in the bathroom now. 664 00:39:58,410 --> 00:40:04,470 Er, Sean, do you remember that... The cat you had when you were a bairn. 665 00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:05,820 Winston. 666 00:40:06,650 --> 00:40:07,990 Well, it never ran away. 667 00:40:09,230 --> 00:40:10,610 I backed over it. 668 00:40:16,010 --> 00:40:17,060 I know, Dad. 669 00:40:17,570 --> 00:40:18,620 I've always known. 670 00:40:19,070 --> 00:40:20,120 You have? 671 00:40:21,530 --> 00:40:23,640 Doesn't it feel better to say it out loud? 672 00:40:25,070 --> 00:40:26,120 It does. 673 00:40:27,590 --> 00:40:28,670 It really does. 674 00:40:32,850 --> 00:40:37,069 Right. Looks like you're all down to half -full glasses. I'll go get another 675 00:40:37,070 --> 00:40:38,120 round. No. 676 00:40:38,270 --> 00:40:40,590 No. They're not half -full, Billy. 677 00:40:40,970 --> 00:40:42,430 They're half -empty. 678 00:40:43,170 --> 00:40:44,220 Just saying. 679 00:40:45,390 --> 00:40:47,150 They're half -empty. 680 00:40:47,510 --> 00:40:48,870 But they're not, Sharon. 681 00:40:49,550 --> 00:40:50,730 They're half -full. 682 00:40:55,450 --> 00:40:59,590 What was that? 683 00:40:59,990 --> 00:41:01,850 You've ended up depressing yourself. 684 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:03,450 And where were you? 685 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:08,260 Well, I'm sorry, Sharon, but I was never going to attempt to wash cat's dory, 686 00:41:08,340 --> 00:41:09,390 was I? 687 00:41:09,740 --> 00:41:10,790 Excuse me. 688 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,700 I think I've got something to my eye. 689 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:15,250 Oh, thanks. 690 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,400 What happened? I don't know. 691 00:41:20,401 --> 00:41:23,719 Did you forget how to count or something? No, I was counting, I swear. 692 00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:26,919 There's something fishy about their whole set -up. I'm telling you, I don't 693 00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,160 how, but somehow they're cheating. 694 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Joey. 695 00:41:31,001 --> 00:41:34,639 This is serious. Are you trying to tell us that the casino are playing with a 696 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:35,499 loaded deck? 697 00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:36,700 We should tell somebody. 698 00:41:36,701 --> 00:41:39,819 Well, too right we should. They can't get away with cheating us. 699 00:41:39,820 --> 00:41:42,650 Not when we're trying to cheat them. Cheat them, exactly. 700 00:41:43,100 --> 00:41:44,280 Joey, you certain? 701 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,130 Absolutely. Half the time in there, they shouldn't have even won. 702 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:52,839 I did everything you taught me. I made sure every hand you were getting was as 703 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,260 close to 31 as possible. 704 00:41:55,500 --> 00:41:57,060 31? Yeah. 705 00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,210 What? 706 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:00,890 Aye. 707 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,140 This is it. This is your split. 708 00:42:12,180 --> 00:42:14,520 I took it the rest is psycho too, didn't I? 709 00:42:14,521 --> 00:42:18,519 By a silent stopper from letting on to Sir Henry that none of this had actually 710 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:19,960 been officially sanctioned. 711 00:42:20,220 --> 00:42:21,680 And this is all that was left? 712 00:42:22,060 --> 00:42:24,020 I do not believe you. Show me your split. 713 00:42:25,060 --> 00:42:27,300 Only if you show me your mumbo jumbo. 714 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,360 Today has not been a good day. 715 00:42:32,571 --> 00:42:34,599 Oh, I don't know. 716 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,710 I reckon some things have worked out okay. 717 00:42:40,020 --> 00:42:44,999 Yes, but a round of drinks for my perfect family, please. But I need a bit 718 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,040 to go on than that, pal. Oh, right, sorry. 719 00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:49,740 Two pints, two white wines. 720 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:52,480 Actually, what's that? 721 00:42:52,740 --> 00:42:53,790 That? 722 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:55,260 Gatos Arabetar. 723 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:59,979 It's sort of a posh mint liqueur. It's not part of your all -inclusive mind. 724 00:42:59,980 --> 00:43:01,030 bob of shot, this. 725 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:02,780 It's a special occasions reason. 726 00:43:08,330 --> 00:43:10,050 Every day's a special occasion. 727 00:43:10,870 --> 00:43:11,920 Come on up then. 728 00:43:12,270 --> 00:43:13,610 I don't want it. 729 00:43:13,930 --> 00:43:14,980 Just one glass. 730 00:43:15,150 --> 00:43:19,000 Happy to stretch my overdraft a little. One glass, Warner. We're celebrating. 731 00:43:19,001 --> 00:43:20,009 Celebrating what? 732 00:43:20,010 --> 00:43:22,480 You're going completely round the bloody twist. 733 00:43:23,110 --> 00:43:24,590 Celebrating life, Sharon. 734 00:43:24,950 --> 00:43:26,010 Celebrating life. 735 00:43:26,610 --> 00:43:30,270 I can't take it. I can't actually take it. 736 00:43:31,170 --> 00:43:32,690 Watch this when it's your turn. 737 00:43:33,090 --> 00:43:35,870 Careful with that. Ten euros is... Shut. 738 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,210 I'm sorry, son. 739 00:43:43,091 --> 00:43:49,959 I'll have to charge that little room, I'm afraid, for at least 100 euros. 740 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:55,040 Oh, dear, that's a lot, isn't it? Just how stretchy is this overdraft of yours, 741 00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:57,560 Billy? Hey, I'll get a brush and clean up. 742 00:43:57,820 --> 00:43:59,660 Never mind, lad. Could be worse. 743 00:43:59,860 --> 00:44:01,300 At least it was only half full. 744 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:06,360 No, it wasn't. 745 00:44:07,300 --> 00:44:08,600 It was half empty. 746 00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:14,020 Welcome back. 747 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,680 There he is. Oh, yes. 748 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:25,220 Don't look. 749 00:44:26,300 --> 00:44:27,350 Right. 750 00:44:28,220 --> 00:44:29,540 Shut up. 751 00:44:29,891 --> 00:44:31,979 I 752 00:44:31,980 --> 00:44:38,940 can't read that. 753 00:44:46,060 --> 00:44:50,679 I don't know where he 754 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:57,579 can be, but maybe, but I'm 755 00:44:57,580 --> 00:44:58,629 gonna find him. 756 00:44:58,630 --> 00:45:03,180 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 56269

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.