Original subtitles

Barnaby Jones, a Quinn Martin production.

Starring Buddy Edson.

Also starring Lee Merriweather.

Mark Shera.

With guest stars Lynn Marta.

Robert Hogan.

Lynette Matty.

Alex Henteloff.

Paul Mantee.

Tonight's episode, The Marathon Murders.

All right, everyone.

Open your eyes.

Lorraine, what are you feeling?

I think you're all very cruel.

Playing very cruel games. You made Mary cry.

That isn't so.

Can't you see, Lorraine?

Ever since Charlie died, I never thought I'd be able to reach out to another

human being.

You know why you can't see it?

You're uptight.

You're afraid to have a man touch you.

Ray.

I'm exhausted with all this.

Well, that's the whole point.

Doc keeps the therapy going around the clock all weekend long.

So we're too tired to keep our defenses up.

You know, Ruth would never let me hug her.

She always kind of wriggled away as though she had something more important

do. That's a cop -out, Ken.

I mean, we've all heard about your wife and her lover ad infinitum.

Why don't you just get off the dime?

You mean get a divorce?

That's what you're talking about.

That's what I'd be worth, a dime.

Now, she gets half of everything, right?

Okay? House?

It's already in her name.

Car? That's hers, too.

Now, I am left living on a lousy boat.

And I'd probably have to sell that to pay the lawyers.

What about love, Ken?

Isn't there any love left?

Hey, lady, don't ask me the tough ones.

That's why I'm here.

I'm trying to get a handle.

You know, sometimes when I think about

her and that guy, my house, my bed,

I want to kill her.

That's a terrible thing to say, Ken.

You don't mean that.

No, no. Let him talk. Let him get it out.

Go on, Ken.

No.

You can do that here without being ashamed of how you feel. That's why

here.

What's the matter?

It's my heart.

Again? Oh, for Pete's sake, Lorraine.

You spent practically your entire adult life taking electrocardiograms. There's

nothing wrong with your heart.

You're just like my mother and everybody else.

Nobody believes my problem is physical.

My medicine is at home. I need it.

Hypochondriacs.

Lorraine. Lorraine.

Your leaving is against all the rules of the marathon.

It's just a two -hour drive. I'll be back in the morning.

everybody up.

We'll try a new game.

Let's make a circle.

I'm just getting into the tub, Wally.

Oh, but if you hurry over, you'll have time to make yourself a before -dinner

drink or scrub my back, whichever turns you on.

Ruth, baby, you should give a fellow some difficult choices to make.

So far, you've been making all the right ones, darling.

Soon. Bye, babe.

How are you?

He deserves a lot better than you.

Bye. Bye.

Look, take messages, huh?

I'll be staying in the boat at the marina if anybody needs me.

Okay.

Mr. Scanlon?

Part of you, Jones.

Oh, yeah, the investigator about Ruth's policy, huh?

This is my associate, Jedediah Jones.

Sorry to hear about your wife.

Thank you. Look, when that girl from California Meridian called to say you'd

stopping by, I told her I already gave a full statement to the police yesterday.

Yeah, I know. We picked up a copy on our way over. Well, it's all there.

There's not much more I can tell you. Just a couple of things I'd like to

up in my mind.

You told the investigating officer that you were away Saturday night when your

wife's accident occurred?

The marathon group therapy weekend?

Dr. Ryan had a bunch of us up to the lodge at Lake Crystal.

Yeah, that's right. Dr. Ryan?

Eric Ryan.

He's a psychologist.

You didn't leave the group and return to town until yesterday, which is Sunday

afternoon. Nobody knew how to get in touch with me until somebody got a hold

my secretary Sunday morning. I came back immediately.

This Wallace Brooks who found your wife's body, is he a friend of the

No, he's Ruth's friend. See, Ruth and I are, were separate.

I see.

Did you know that you're still the beneficiary of your wife's policy?

Yes. Look, it was a trial separation and we hadn't gotten around to changing

policies. Is something wrong?

Are you aware, Mr.

Scanlon, that your wife's policy carried a double indemnity clause in the event

of accidental death? Yes, I am. I guess I just hadn't given it much thought.

Well, insurance companies are kind of, you know, picky about $200 ,000.

Yeah, I can understand that. Look, I was due at my lawyer's office ten minutes

ago. I'm sorry, we didn't mean to keep you.

Do you mind if we take a look around?

Not at all.

You see, Mr. Jones, ordinarily, it's hard to slip on one of these mats.

Except Mrs.

Scanlon used so much of that bubble bath powder, it made it slippery.

I warned her if she used too much of that powder, she was going to break... I

warned her.

Do you mind if I see for myself?

What do you mean?

Pour a little of the powder in there. Let me see how slippery it gets.

Where is it? It's not here.

The bottle's gone.

She always kept it right there on the edge of the tub.

Did you clean up in here after the body was removed?

Oh, no. I couldn't bring myself to touch anything.

It gives me the creeps being here even now.

Well, there's no bath towels in here either, but the police didn't take

anything. Funny.

I put up a fresh towel for the missus right before I left for the night.

There's nothing in here.

What is it?

It's like small pieces of broken glass.

Perfume?

Not good enough for perfume.

Oh, it's the bubble bath powder.

The bottle must have gotten broken.

It might explain the missing towel.

Yeah, she must have used it to clean up the mess.

But where can it all be?

I emptied the trash, Mr. Jones, and I didn't find any towel or powder or

bottle.

Lady dies in a bubble bath.

No towel.

No bubble bath powder.

Bubble powder?

What do I know about junk like that?

Look, man, as soon as I got there, I found Ruth.

I found her in the tub.

I called the police. I didn't see a broken bottle. I didn't see a towel. I

didn't see anything.

Hardly seems likely that Mrs. Scanlon would get out of her bath, leave the

to get rid of the mess, and then get back in the tub now, does she?

What difference does it make?

Oh, wait a minute. Wait.

You're saying that someone else was there.

That maybe it wasn't an accident.

Possible.

What do you mean? A burglar? Someone like that? Well, the maid said she

up before she left for the night. Police didn't find any signs of a burglar. No

valuables missing.

Then who?

Maybe somebody got in the same way you did with the key.

Whatever you guys are thinking.

I loved her.

Relax, relax.

We're just touching all the bases.

All right, then go stick your spikes into that crumb husband of hers. The

problem is that Ken Scanlon was 100 miles away at the time of his wife's

Sure he was. With that girlfriend of his.

Probably figuring how to shaft Ruth into making all the house payments and

everything else.

Well, they got it all now.

He has a girlfriend?

Who would that be?

She was supposed to have been a friend of Ruth's.

Some friend.

Ken and Ruth had this big fight, and the way that gal acted, it was easy to see

whose side she was on. Remember her name?

I mean, remember that one time, um... I don't know, Cindy, Sandy... Sally,

that's it. Sally something or other.

Ken?

Hi, Sal.

I tried reaching you at the house.

Then Ma told me.

Oh, Ken, I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Thanks, Sally.

I know how you must feel.

Do you?

I mean, well, you knew us almost better than anyone.

Ken, accidents happen.

I used to think it.

I even said it once.

But I really, I really didn't want her dead, Sally. Not really.

I know that.

Ken, don't dwell on the guilt.

There's no way you can blame yourself for what happened.

Hey, look, I dropped my sketches off at the agency, and I don't have another

appointment till four, so if you're up to having lunch... Not today, Santa.

Don't shut me out.

You need to be around friends who love you.

I know, and I appreciate it.

Maybe in a few days.

Okay.

Don't try to get through this alone.

Call me.

She's pretty, Ken.

Was that Sally? The girl you mentioned in group?

Lorraine, what are you doing here?

Somebody has to clean up after you.

That was Sally, wasn't it?

Yes. Now, look, I appreciate you wanting to help, but like I

told you on the phone last night when you called. Oh, the police were there.

I know that, well, that you couldn't really be yourself.

All right.

Look, what happened between us last week?

Kenneth, it was beautiful.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling everybody at the marathon

about it.

I'd always dreamed it would happen.

Two people finding each other.

Until I ran into you at the red sail last week, I'd almost given up.

Well, we were both a little high, and I was at Ruth's end.

Lonely, and I just had another argument with Ruth.

There's something I didn't tell you.

It was the first time for me, Kenneth.

I'd never been with a man before that night.

And it was like being born again.

Lorraine, what I'm trying to say is last week was last week. Don't make me

angry, Kenneth.

There's one thing I hate. It's gratuitous cruelty.

I'm sorry. I guess I'm tired.

Nothing's in focus.

Of course you are.

And I really don't know why you're going on this way.

You wanted to be free, didn't you? What kind of thing is that to say?

Well, you said it yourself.

At every group session, you complained about what a divorce from Ruth would

cost, and now you don't have to worry about it anymore.

That was just an exercise in working out your feelings. That doesn't mean I'd go

out and kill her.

I know.

You're really a very fine person, you know that?

And if Ruth hadn't drowned, you would have gone on the way you were.

Suffering. Drowned?

Where'd you get that?

Well, she died in her bath, didn't she? Yes, but only the police and Maud know

it was from drowning and not from hitting her head when she fell.

I guess I just assumed it.

Look, I know you have a lot of loose ends to pull together, so I'll call you

tomorrow.

Kenneth, isn't it wonderful?

To know we're going to be so happy together.

And this is Sunday afternoon, I believe, just before Ken got word of his wife's

accident.

Excuse me, that's my next patient. I'm sorry, Mr. Jones, I can't talk to you

anymore. All right, doctor, you've been a great help.

Cam, this isn't your time, is it? I have to talk to you, Doctor.

He asked if he could have Mary Garrett's cancellation. I thought it would be all

right. Yes, of course.

Come on in.

Oh, Mr. Scanlon, I'm glad I ran into you.

What are you doing here, Mr. Jones?

Checking up on me?

It's all part of the job.

Apparently Jedediah missed you at the marina.

What was he going to do, give me a lie detector test?

No, but there are a couple of questions that popped up that require answering.

Like what?

Well, for one... Apparently, there was someone in your wife's house between the

time the maid left and the time that Wally Brooks found her body.

What's that going to give you? Could have been one of her friends dropping

Sally, maybe?

Sally Delphine?

Delphine. It's your last name.

It's the reason I sent Jedediah to find you.

And her address?

322 Valero Village Road.

But I don't think it could have been Sally.

She and Ruth were on the out.

Well. Never can tell about friends. Thank you.

Ken.

The hour's almost up, and all you've done is skirt around the edges.

Now, what's really on your mind?

Hypothetical situation.

Guy bumps into a girl down at one of those swinging bars, like the Red Sail

the marina.

Stranger? Well, not exactly.

A few drinks and some small talk and it's off on a midnight cruise.

Just a cruise?

Well, let's say the guy is not exactly a monk.

Then call it what it is.

Okay.

Casual affair, but turned out to be not so casual for the girl.

She made a big thing out of it. Like Romeo and Juliet stuff.

It happens.

Someone lonely, desperate.

fantasizes more out of a situation than there really is.

I... This guy could handle that.

But say he's been mouthing off. He's angry.

He wishes something could be done to get a burden off his back.

It's crazy.

Go on, finish your thought.

You know how some alley cats are sometimes?

You put a bowl of milk out for them and they kill a bird for you?

They drop it at your feet to show gratitude or something.

Could she do that?

Take a dumb wish you might have made in a moment of self -pity and then go out

and commit.

Who's the girl?

My mind's mush.

I may just be imagining this.

Ken, is this something the police should know about?

I can't say just yet.

Let me get my head together first.

Then I read it in mystery books.

But I never honestly thought a detective would have any reason to ask me where I

was on some night or other.

The night was Saturday.

It would be exactly between 7 and 8.

It could be a big help.

But do you really think you can make anything out of a towel and a bottle of

bubble bath powder being missing?

I wouldn't be able to tell you until I find out who took the item from Mrs.

Scanlon's bathroom.

Well, it certainly wasn't me.

I spent the evening at home going over a... A program for a fashion show I'd

organized for Sunday morning.

Well, didn't you talk to someone during that time?

Did a neighbor drop in or something?

Mr. Jones, I don't think this is funny anymore.

It never was funny since we're dealing with the possibility of murder.

I spoke to no one. I saw no one.

Is that all?

There's one other thing that I'm curious about.

I understand that you and Mrs. Scanlon had a fight recently.

Do you want to talk a little about that?

How did you know?

Oh, yes, I remember.

Ruth's boyfriend was there. I understand what you thought about was Mrs.

Scanlon's husband.

Yes.

But it wasn't the way Wally Brooks probably made it sound.

I felt Ruth was being unreasonable about Ken, bleeding him the way she was.

And I didn't mind saying so.

Isn't that a little chancy, friends stepping in between a feuding husband

wife? Or was your stake a little more personal?

I guess it does show, doesn't it, Mr. Jones?

You were in love with Ken?

Until the last few days, I didn't realize how much.

Trouble is, he's not interested in me that way.

Another woman?

Oh, no.

Um, at least I don't think so.

What I'm saying is true, Dr. Ryan.

I'm cured, so I don't need to come and see you anymore.

In just seven or eight short weeks.

I thought you'd be pleased.

Well, tell me, how did the cure come about?

I found someone.

A wonderful man, and we've fallen in love.

Congratulations.

Who's the lucky fellow? Someone I know?

Oh, no.

If I tell you, you'll spoil it.

Just like my mother always does.

Every time I like someone, she tries to frighten me.

She tells me how hateful men are.

That's one of the problems I want to help you work through here.

I don't have any problems anymore.

And neither does he.

You see, it's like we've solved each other's problems.

Sounds so simple.

It was.

We made each other's dreams come true.

How? We were terribly romantic.

Moonlight on the water.

The boat gently rocking.

He taught me the real meaning of love.

And in return, I released him of a terrible burden.

What sort of burden?

I really only came by to tell you I was leaving to thank you, Dr. Ryan.

Even though you've been rather cruel sometimes.

That's it.

You two just sail off on that boat into the sunset.

I imagine after we're married, we'll settle down in a cottage somewhere,

in the hills, and raise children.

Bye.

Lorraine, the Red Sail turned out to be a lucky spot for you, didn't it?

Red Sail?

I didn't mention Red Sail.

You did at other times.

That was the bar you occasionally frequented down by the marina.

Well, marina, boats... I just guessed at it.

I'm sorry, Dr. Ryan, he's not in at the moment. I do expect him in the next 15,

20 minutes.

All right, that'll take me about that long to get.

I just can't believe anybody would intentionally harm the doctor.

Everyone admired him, so... You say you usually left around six o 'clock.

Was he all right then?

Was there anything on his mind that might have been worrying him? No.

He was able to get tickets to the Philharmonic concert last night. He was

great mood.

He made an entry in the appointment book. The fact that he was just

with his last patient, Mr. Jenner, about the time you left.

At six o 'clock, yes.

Well, Dr. Ryan was hit around seven.

Now, that doesn't suggest somebody rushing home to get dressed for a

does it?

Oh, he had to wait for another patient.

Well, she only wanted a few minutes of his time, so I didn't mark it for

billing. Who was it?

Lorraine Rivers.

She's one of his group therapy patients.

Is she in this picture?

Yes, that's Lorraine.

Well.

Sounds like somebody we should definitely talk to, Marty.

Very comforting having you for an associate, Jedediah.

You take all the heavy decisions off my shoulders.

What is the young lady's address?

I'll get it for you.

Hello, darling.

How do you like your egg?

Over easy or well done?

You said you were going to call first, Lorraine.

I did, but you've been out.

You hungry?

I've bought lots of yummy things.

Do you know about this?

You're terrible.

Life is so unpredictable.

That's why we have to make the most of it.

Let's see, did I leave anything out?

Coffee? Tea?

For me.

The night Ruth died, you left that marathon late that afternoon with that

heart attack.

Phony?

Kenneth, you're the last person I'd expect to hear that from. You get a lot

sympathy mileage out of that imaginary heart condition, don't you?

And it also turned out to be convenient.

It got you to Ruth's place without anyone being the wiser. I went home for

medicine.

For these.

Look. There's a detective named Jones.

He thinks that somebody was in that house before Wally Brooks found the

was you, wasn't it?

Using the keys you must have taken from my jacket.

That's why I couldn't find them.

Why are you saying these things to me?

Don't you remember?

You found your keys under your car seat where you dropped them.

That's exactly where I found them.

Where you dropped them after you came back from killing Ruth.

Well, I'm starved even if you're not.

What right have you to be so outraged?

You wanted her dead, didn't you? You wanted to be free.

Not that way.

Don't you know, Janet?

I did it for us.

We can be married now.

At first, I couldn't even make myself believe it.

I even asked Dr.

Ryan if such a thing was possible.

That's why he asked me all those questions.

You saw Ryan after I did?

You shouldn't have done it, Kenneth.

If I hadn't have stopped him, he would have gone to that detective and told him

everything.

Ryan.

It was you.

He would have ruined our one big chance for happiness.

What are you doing?

Operator, give me the police.

Don't do that.

They'll put us away for the rest of our lives.

May God.

I did it for you because you wanted it.

You don't think they're going to buy that.

I had nothing to gain otherwise.

The insurance money, the house, everything goes to you.

If I didn't kill a woman I'd never met before for you, then why else would I do

it?

No.

Sarah?

No, it was a mistake.

I cannot imagine what's keeping Lorraine.

She knows I get very weak when I don't eat my meals on time.

Diabetic. I'm on a strict diet, you see.

Well, maybe she ran into a friend.

Yes, maybe it might be better if we came back at another time, Mrs. Rivers.

Are you sure there isn't anything I can help you with, Mr. Jones?

Well, like I said, it's about a meeting Lorraine had with Dr. Ryan.

Well, I don't wish to speak unkindly of the dead.

But in my opinion, all those people that tinker with the mind are charlatans,

pure and simple.

Then you didn't approve of her seeking help?

It made her more of a hypochondriac than she is.

The last time they got together, she rushed home with another one of her

attacks. Talking about the marathon session in the woods?

I warned her about spending all that time with those mixed -up people.

You say rushed home. Was that Sunday evening?

No, that was Saturday evening. Then she turned around and went right back up

there Sunday morning.

Mother? What car is that parked outside?

Oh, they're here about Dr.

Ryan's accident. Mr.

Jones and Jed... J .R. is fine.

Dr. Ryan's accident.

I'm really sorry about that.

But I don't see how I can help.

Well, as far as we know, you were the last person to see him alive.

Do you have any idea why I made a call to our office?

Well, he didn't make any calls while I was there.

Then it wasn't a session. I left after only a few minutes.

Do you mind telling us what you talked about?

I decided to tell him that I was giving up therapy.

You'll be happy to hear that, Mother.

Indeed I am.

Did it have anything to do with why you left the marathon Saturday night?

Oh, no. That was something else. I had to come home to get the medicine that I

was out of.

And you certainly made a racket doing it. You should be quieter when you come

that late, dear. How late was it?

Well, it takes nearly two hours for the drive.

And I left the group around five.

Well, that would mean that your mom went to bed just before seven.

Mother usually dozes off right after dinner.

So you see, I didn't get home as late as she makes it sound.

Are there any more questions?

Yes.

Are you aware that the bandage is about to come off your knee?

Thank you.

There is one other question.

How well do you know Ken's camera?

Ken who?

The guy in your group.

You know, whose wife died of an accident.

Oh, we know each other by first names mostly.

No, I hardly know him at all.

Well, thank you very much.

Goodbye, Mrs. River.

Goodbye. We'll find our way up.

I missed something, Barnaby? You know what stumps me is what reason the killer

could have had for removing the broken bottle from Mrs. Scanlon's bathroom.

Well, maybe, uh, maybe the killer didn't want to leave any trace of having been

there. Nah, nah, Ruth Scanlon could have broken the bottle herself.

Think about this for a minute.

Supposing that after the blow on Mrs. Scanlon's head, supposing the killer

kneeled down to get the leverage to push her head underwater and in so doing got

a cut on the knee.

Lorraine?

What motive could Lorraine have?

Now, wait a minute. We're getting the cart before the horse. We've got to tie

and some other things first. Did Heinemann Optics bring back my

No, but they did send over the loaner.

Good. Now, when we get back to the office, I want you to leap over to Ryan

ask his secretary to loan us the photographs of the marathon group.

All right.

Ken? Where were you?

You missed our lunch date.

Oh, Sam.

I'm sorry.

I've been calling.

Then I went over to the boat.

I thought you were ill or something.

Was there anyone there?

At the boat?

No.

Should there be?

No.

I just thought there was another boat owner who wanted to borrow a...

You're not in any trouble, are you?

Because of that detective who's been investigating the accident?

It's a long story, Val.

I can't explain now.

Okay.

I'm the patient type.

It's just that I do care about you very much.

I wanted to say that for a long time.

I guess I have too.

That's all I really wanted to hear.

Only six slides left.

Same as the others.

Glass slivers, bubble bath powder, no blood.

Barnaby, isn't it possible that all the glass with blood was cleared away and

the slivers that you found were never stained in the first place?

Or that I'm way off base in my theory of how the rain got underneath it.

Barnaby, here's those pictures.

Yes, now, according to Dr. Ryan...

This one was taken on Saturday.

This one on Sunday.

You notice a difference?

Bunch of people.

I noticed it when I first saw them, but I didn't connect it with anything.

The picture taken on Saturday, Lorraine does not have a bandage on her knee, but

on Sunday she does.

Oh, yeah?

Well, that would mean that between the time these two pictures were taken, she

cut her knee.

The only thing is, we haven't been able to place her knee in Mrs. Scanlon's

bathroom. I think we can now, Barnaby.

Blood? Take a look.

Well, I don't see what difference it makes. Even if that is Lorraine's blood

type, lots of people have the same blood type.

You know, he's right, Barnaby.

It's all very circumstantial.

Yeah, but it might be just enough to scare up a killer.

Mr. Scanlon?

Oh, it's you. Come on in.

This is my associate, Jedediah Jones.

What do you want to know, Jones?

Jedediah had a theory about your wife's death, which didn't impress me, but he

insisted on trying it out on you.

Yeah, well, without beating around the bush, Mr. Scanlon, we have the evidence

that's going to put you and Lorraine Rivers away for the murder of your wife.

Well, that's ridiculous.

That's what I told him when he heard that Lorraine had left the marathon by

herself and could have been at your wife's place at the time of her

Using your own key to get in.

That's just not true.

Just plain bullheadedness. That's always been Jedediah's problem.

Man stands to pick up $200 ,000 from insurance for his wife's death, and he

starts thinking about murder plot. Well, it all fits.

You get your girlfriend a killer, and you both live richly ever after.

You almost had me convinced, at least enough to try it out on the police, but

wanted to try it out on you first.

Okay.

Okay.

Whatever happens, I'm glad this nightmare's over.

But you gotta believe one thing. I didn't give Lorraine the key. She took

Are you saying she acted on her own? She's crazy.

I mean, she gets things in her head. She thinks we're in love.

Why didn't you tell this to the police?

Because she said she'd swear I was in it with her.

I mean, she's really flipped her mind.

Oh, look at this.

Now, she saw Sally with me only once, and I just found that.

Where is Sally now?

Well, she should be home. I was calling her when you came in.

Maybe you better try again.

Does Lorraine know where Sally lives? I don't know I can't find my address book

I think we ought to get right over there

I have to talk to you about Kenneth.

Who are you?

He can't have both of us.

You're going to have to give him up.

You said you wanted to talk?

Talk with sweet words.

The sweet words you use to trap men with.

You've known happiness with a lot of men, haven't you?

Oh, please.

I bet there's one joy you haven't known.

That delicious moment of being with the one very, very special man you've waited

for all your life.

And you can't have him.

Go to a phone and call the police.

You don't want to use that knife, do you?

I'll kill anyone that comes between Ken and me.

Like Ruth?

Dr. Ryan?

Kenneth understands that, don't you, Kenneth?

Just stay back.

It's all been for nothing, Lorraine. Ken doesn't love you the way you love him.

Yes, he does. I know he loves me.

Tell her, Ken.

I'm Kathy, just like all the others.

Ken.

Yes, Mr. Jones is right.

No. It's like I told you before.

That night, it meant nothing to me.

You're lying. You're just saying that because he wants you to.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

But I didn't love you either.

I know he loves me.

I know he loves me.

He loves me.

I know he loves me.

Fine boat.

Excellent food.

Good company.

Kind of spoiled the man for going to work.

And if I know that man, let's see, a...

Fishing pole, a ticket to a baseball game, and any month with the letter R

do the same thing.

Become a charter member of my lazy man's club, Barnaby, and you get something

that makes you immune to criticism like that. What's that?

Earplugs.

I can't help wondering, Barnaby, what's going to become of Lorraine?

Well, that's hard to say.

I don't think the doctors who are treating her now know themselves and

won't for years.

Well, thank you again, all of you.

Yeah. Let's all do this again.

Soon. That'd be nice.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Say, how about our Chicago Christopher Columbus here?

Where'd you learn to handle a boat like that?

Oh, well, there's this little pond we've got back home. We call it Lake

Michigan.