Original subtitles

Does it have to be explosions and tsunamis and all that kind of stuff?

Or just life as you know it?

Go on. Do this choice. Just any classic that involves Game Over.

This is so predictable.

You'd know.

You'd know.

Ghostbusters. Nice.

Out of the box thinking.

Ten points.

Avengers. Every single one of them.

I'll allow it.

Twelve Monkeys.

Ooh, great shot, Bill.

Concur. Cool points for little Bill.

What about... Apocalypse Now?

That wasn't actually about an apocalypse.

Megamind.

Shaun of the Dead.

Yeah. So good.

I want to call Nessa now.

The Walking Dead.

Carl! Not bad, but I'm more of a Romero kind of girl.

Armageddon. Greatest movie ever made.

We are not acknowledging you said that.

Bruce Willis wouldn't care.

At least this time you've actually seen the movie.

Oh, you're also a culture and brain cop, aren't you? Well, how about you wow us

with your storytelling?

Actually, it's never to go first.

I like to judge the competition.

You judge everyone.

After you.

Challenge accepted.

Okay, picture this.

Side music starts to play.

Wide shot.

We see this real rugged man of a man type.

He's just sitting quietly at the end of his bed.

Do you want me to wake the kids?

The kids.

Do you want me to wake them?

No.

Let them sleep.

I'm making some sandwiches.

Sandwiches?

Hey! Olivia says we can't take our phone.

Olivia's right.

It's a family day.

Just the four of us.

And besides, who would you call?

What about Steve? Why can't he come with us?

He did come three times. Why not? What did he do? Because he barks!

Look, it's probably best to say goodbye now, okay?

You give them a cuddle and go put your bags in the car.

Sandwiches are done.

Don't wake me neither.

It was our tune, kids.

You're gonna love it, I promise.

It's beautiful, it's calm, it's wild, it's peaceful.

All at the same time.

Hello, girls.

Told you you'd love it here, kid.

Just a beautiful moment when I first met my mother here.

There we are.

Why do we have to do it like this, Mum?

Why can't we just jump?

You can't.

You might turn.

And you don't want to end up like one of those things, do you?

No one does.

Don't let them out.

Don't wake them either.

What if there's no heaven, Dad?

What if it's not real?

What if I don't go anywhere?

Whatever's out there, we'll find out together, okay?

That's a public.

I'll throw your bodies over the edge so then things can't get you.

I love you, but I don't ever forget you.

Nice facts. Moody.

Agreed. Very solid opener.

Surprising.

Who's next?

I could tell a short one.

A little end of days aperitif. I like punchy stories, Rad.

Is it gory?

It could be considered gruesome. I wouldn't want to live it.

So, imagine this. You're on a cold and lonely road.

And you can hear this dark coughing sound of an old engine trying to fight

way back to life.

Joyce, pick up!

Please!

Come on, Billy.

Well going, Mum. And to Joyce.

I don't know.

We've got to get off the train.

Is Daddy coming for us?

Are we going on an adventure?

Yeah.

Somebody made a fire moment.

That's naughty, isn't it?

Where did they go?

Just drunk, keeping warm, love.

Probably would have come in and...

Hurry

up, Billy. Come on.

Leave it. Leave it.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

We're nearly there.

Come on, Billy.

We've got to get across to the main road.

And call Daddy?

I don't know, love.

We'll see, OK?

Answer your phone.

Dave, it's me.

If you're there, please pick up. Pick up.

Mommy, look.

Doggies.

Nice. To the point.

Seems more probable, though, seeing as, well, bad shit seems to always go down

within a heartbeat.

Thank you, Al.

That is what makes Apocalypse Tale so scary. That everything's over in a

heartbeat.

I've got one. It's a little bit off -topic, but I'm not copying Pax either.

Well, if you're going to copy someone, copy the best I'd say.

Yeah, we all go to the U, the greatest of all time, Pax.

Go for it, Bill. How about it's going to be Ace?

Okay. We start our story inside some pretty average looking house.

We're slowly scoping the place out.

Shells stacked of pots and London junk.

Fair to say it's looking a little grimy.

Overgrown plants and dead flowers.

Letting us know the place is pretty unloved.

Or something has happened.

I'm sorry I'm so sorry

I'm sorry

Why are you sorry, Daddy?

I'm sorry things turned out this way.

I'm so sorry you had to see this.

I'm sorry your mum isn't here.

Don't be sorry, Daddy. It isn't your fault.

Thank you.

Thank you.

They look just like us.

I know, Grace.

But they're not.

Not anymore.

They're like us if they see us.

Like they hurt Mummy?

Yeah.

Like they hurt Mummy.

Do more of them now.

It isn't safe here.

I don't want to leave Mummy.

We won't.

We should be with us wherever we go.

I promise.

You can put me down if I'm too heavy, Daddy.

No, I don't.

Baby, you can't.

Please, Daddy.

Mr. Pussy.

If he's safe for an hour, he can have a little sleep.

They can't get him and he's in there.

What about us?

They won't get us either.

grace how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me

I once

was lost but now am found

was blind

But now I was

blind. But now I was

blind.

Where are we going, Daddy?

I don't know yet, Grace.

Is everybody bad now?

Yeah.

Everybody's bad now.

Is Nanny bad? Would she hurt us?

Nanny's bad too.

What about Millie? We could go to her house. She's got a trampoline.

Millie's bad, baby girl.

They all are.

It's just us.

And Mummy?

Us and Mummy?

Us and Mummy.

Daddy, I'm hungry. Can I have some?

Is it bigger than an apple?

Uh -uh.

Thirteen.

Is it made of cheese?

Don't be silly, Daddy. Fourteen.

Is it worth a million pounds?

A billion million. That's your fifteenth question.

This is silly.

Why? Because you already know what it is.

Yes. Right, my turn.

Is it animal, vegetable or miracle?

It's... What is it? You have to say.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry daddy, it isn't your fault.

I know it's kind of a cheat, but it's a silver end of a world, if you think

about it.

That's really great, Bill.

So much sadness for one so small.

Yeah, nice sideways swipe, Bill.

Thanks, guys.

Okay. So, the standards have been firmly established, I'd say.

Time to make the wall hop.

Blow your mind, baby.

I'll go next. Change up the pace a little bit. Awesome.

I'll always think of a sad. Yeah, good idea. A little excitement before the

inevitable upcoming darkness.

A black screen.

Silent.

The gravel voice of our hardened hero as it begins to tell us that it's all

almost over. Then boom.

The earth in devastation.

Tucked dry by an intergalactic alien.

Arseholes.

They came out of nowhere.

Without warning.

By the time we realized, it was too late.

Scan mode.

Imogen, we're moving into sector seven.

I got movement on the surface.

And then...

So, these things have been here the whole time?

Send back the intel.

Location marked.

Imogen?

We got one.

We're coming in hot.

Beneath the veil of a white flag, they raped our resources.

They killed our families and left the Earth breathless and dying.

We are the only survivors that we know of.

But we head out every day in search of others.

The lab geeks genetically fused our DNA with some kind of biotech so that we

could survive on the surface.

So our lungs could breathe whatever shit it is that's up there.

Noah, they need you in biomed.

They found it.

You did good today.

Whoever you are, if you're watching this, then I'm no longer here.

Know that we tried.

And we did our best.

Oh. That.

Really.

That's interesting.

We've got a spike at 32 gigs.

Wait a minute.

We've got subharmonics hidden beneath the main bus.

Whatever this does, they want to keep it secret.

Not for long.

What's it doing now?

We're all clear.

Incinerate the remains near Dunton.

It emits low power signals, which in a narrow radius neutralizes the cloaking

devices. They shifted the light emissions into the microwave range,

you can't see the portal.

Navy boys started experimenting with this stuff a few years back.

Goes over my head.

Just get it within five meters of the portal.

Physics will do the rest.

Listen, Noah.

Don't expose that until you're in position.

Because there is no way to tell what else that does.

You know, you can't stay down here in this bunker forever.

I'm not quite ready to drill that cybertech into my brain just yet.

Not whilst there's breathable air down here anyway.

Noah, you have got to let me take another look at that.

I might have to up the dose of your anti -rejection meds. Don't worry about it,

Doc.

There's a hundred other things I've got to worry about that'll try and kill me

first.

Satellite's in position.

We'll have limited coverage for the next 30 minutes.

Zero lifeforms detected all the way through to Sector 7.

Good luck, team.

If they can cloak the machines, surely they can make themselves invisible.

Just saying.

This is hot.

Yep. Well, it ain't here now.

Oh, my God.

I told you.

Invisible.

You guys thinking what I'm thinking?

There's only death beyond that door.

I'll do it. Not a chance.

We all got together.

Not this time.

Oh, my dear.

Instead of being the end we were looking for, it was just a new beginning.

But at least now, we know we can win.

At least we stand a chance.

So good. I love action films.

And sci -fi.

And especially action sci -fi.

Great story, Earl. Yeah, thanks for giving me that giant thrill missile to

follow, Earl.

Uh -oh.

A little nervous of the competition, are we?

Comparisons are for the lazy -minded, my friend.

Make it a super dark head fuck.

Standard, then.

I'll change it up a little.

Instead of what happened, how about what remains?

We hear the low rumble of thunder.

A distant storm brews, women coming in from every direction.

A makeshift water catcher slowly sways as we notice a young, dishevelled girl,

her tattered clothes flopping in the wind as she gathers water.

You, go.

No visits.

Sorry, sir.

Not trouble.

Just hurt by interest.

Everyone heard.

Go.

Thank you. He's dead weight soon with no rest.

We'll all get it soon.

That's your fellow boss, aren't we?

Can't dent us a fellow boss.

You want to keep that peep -eye, don't you?

Really? No problem.

I do same.

Place to watch.

But he's dead weight too, we're no rescue.

Make one night.

See you all at all.

One night.

Then you go.

Put everything down.

Everything.

Call. Call him.

Mitchell. Mitchell.

What, you're cold?

No, no, no.

Stay long.

Night pass?

You're gone.

Stay in here.

No break promises.

Tent. Thank much.

Bagged a hopper earlier.

Enough left? You can have.

Be good of you.

Emmy.

My name called.

Emmy.

No stay long enough to need it.

through.

Push ball?

I can.

It's sick.

Huh?

You close that way?

I'd hide from now day.

I feel that.

Eat hopper, sleep, wake out.

Water? Oh, it's going to fill me.

I don't know.

Water. Sit.

I got you.

Pop a bar on belly.

Sit.

Thank you.

What?

What?

Whoa, that was kick -ass.

You're so dark, girl, I love it.

I have questions.

Many questions.

Was that girl pregnant from the start, or did she, for a less disgusting

analogy, you know, kind of milked that guy?

That's the point, Rad, my dear.

It's for you to interpret.

Ugh, I hate you.

Yeah, I do too, but...

In more of an envious way, to be fair.

I thought it was terrifyingly beautiful.

I thought you... Why, thank you.

God, calm down, ladies. We could all do with a washer, if we're being honest.

Right, our turn.

I was ending a more thoughtful note, I said.

Don't you dare go spoil a relatively good evening.

Just because you can't spell finesse doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

Deep bass notes from a piano ring out. It's almost like being caught in the

by Stanley Kubrick himself.

Suddenly we snap to the wondrous scenescape of twinkling star

endlessly reflected in the glass eyes of an astronaut floating in space.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And you, thank you.

Stylish, subtle, like poetry.

I think we've established that the end of Hollywood was not the end of great

cinema. They were all good.

Hurrah for the underdog.

Now,

what say the council to a cheeky bottle of...

But the actual end are these fucking demons from hell.

Remember the buddy system, guys.

Little Bill, you got the point.

Let's go smash some devil shit out of some demons.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

And light a...

Thank you.

Thank you.

And lying...