All language subtitles for 2010 - 1001 Ways to Enjoy the Missionary Position

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:13,030 Oh, that lemon had a really thick rind. 2 00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:15,150 Cheaper than condoms. 3 00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:17,630 That's true. 4 00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:24,030 Are you finishing yourself? 5 00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:27,870 I'm untangling my testes, you know, it's really nice. 6 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,950 Baby, I'm sorry. 7 00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:33,630 Would it help if you stretched first? 8 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,000 The stretching in the world will make my leg bend away. 9 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,280 You know what? 10 00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:41,600 I had an idea. 11 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:46,420 Okay. 12 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:51,140 What if we choreographed moves like dancers? 13 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:57,760 Right? Step one, I lift my leg. Step two, you lift your leg. If you lift your 14 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,500 leg... I meant this as an example. And I lift my leg. 15 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,400 Okay. And you can... Pivot to your pelvis. 16 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:05,880 Oh, whoa. 17 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,100 I see you got your circulation back there. 18 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:10,380 Oh, yeah. 19 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,520 Joel? 20 00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:21,260 Joel? Ooh. 21 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,520 Amber? You want to meet your parents. 22 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,220 I thought when you met the parents, I mean, meant something, you know? 23 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,640 I know. 24 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:44,500 I thought that this was going to be just a fling. I mean, you know, like a one 25 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,500 -night stand or something. 26 00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:48,800 This one -night stand has lasted seven months. 27 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:55,140 I mean, come on, wouldn't you like a relationship to include just a little 28 00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:56,140 more than sex? 29 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:57,480 Like what? 30 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,220 Like... talking. 31 00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,220 About important stuff. 32 00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:06,660 We talk about lemons. I mean, it's okay. 33 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,500 More important than lemons. 34 00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:12,960 Like what happens when we have no more lemons? 35 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,280 No more lemons. 36 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:21,140 Look, we're getting to that age, right? Wouldn't it be better if we could make 37 00:04:21,140 --> 00:04:22,160 that decision for ourselves? 38 00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:30,320 Do you really want to end up with someone with like six fingers and... 39 00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:32,180 Missing piece? 40 00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:33,500 Come on! 41 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,460 We already act like an old married couple. 42 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:43,400 Look, if we don't do something now, we may lose everything that we have. 43 00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:50,220 Look at me. 44 00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:53,080 Can you really say goodbye? 45 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:06,080 You know, my mother always said, thrust the database. 46 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:08,820 I'm sure she did. 47 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:10,680 Let's get married, baby. 48 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,040 Okay. 49 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,500 Okay. Let's get married. 50 00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:03,670 Nora, coffee tastes funny. 51 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,110 Tea. 52 00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:08,710 Tea tastes fine. 53 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:10,830 You make some oatmeal. 54 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,330 This morning? 55 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:18,450 You 56 00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:27,130 made 57 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,130 oatmeal this morning? 58 00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:30,030 I ate it this morning. 59 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,330 We're out of oatmeal. 60 00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:39,330 I just bought a large container of oatmeal. 61 00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:42,790 I'm using it for mulch for the garden. Since when? 62 00:06:43,130 --> 00:06:44,130 This morning. 63 00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:48,670 You mad at me? 64 00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:52,170 No. 65 00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:55,550 It's been a long time since I had saltines for breakfast. 66 00:06:58,970 --> 00:06:59,970 How are they? 67 00:07:00,430 --> 00:07:01,610 Stale. Do I have any milk? 68 00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:04,910 No. You sure you're not mad at me? 69 00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:06,290 Yeah. 70 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,060 Birthday? No. 71 00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:09,540 Anniversary? No. 72 00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,300 Did I promise to do something today? 73 00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:13,020 No. 74 00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,440 You want to take a walk? 75 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,640 I took a walk this morning. 76 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,360 You are mad at me. 77 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:19,760 No. 78 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,360 Wish I had some oatmeal. 79 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,140 I'm sick about me. 80 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:26,800 You don't have to eat it. 81 00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,040 You don't have to either. 82 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,320 It keeps me regular. 83 00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:30,840 What doesn't keep you regular? 84 00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,490 Came this morning. 85 00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:42,790 Go ahead, read it. 86 00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:44,650 Your pen, pal. 87 00:07:47,310 --> 00:07:48,470 It's a very small note. 88 00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:50,990 You let me know if he gets paroled. 89 00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:53,970 Don't worry, he's never leaving prison. 90 00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,710 Man has a lot of time on his hands. 91 00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:58,930 Well, it's done. 92 00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:00,409 It's done. 93 00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:01,570 I wish you'd get another hobby. 94 00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:04,130 Make me. 95 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,600 What did you decide about? 96 00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:11,660 I'm going to go back to bed and pretend this is all a nightmare. 97 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:13,440 I don't have to pretend it is. 98 00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:17,280 Nothing's changed from last night. You're fine just the way you are. 99 00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:19,380 No, I'm really not. 100 00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:21,920 Well, there's nothing we can do about it. 101 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:28,960 I'm willing to take big, big, so sorry, small steps. 102 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,880 If you told me 20 years ago... You wouldn't be here today. 103 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,360 How can you be so sure? 104 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:00,910 I think she's coming. 105 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,250 Yeah. 106 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:17,790 Hello, 107 00:09:26,370 --> 00:09:27,690 my name is Fran Lind. 108 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,660 Welcome to your home. 109 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,760 Would you care for some lemonade? 110 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,300 Your dwelling is very humble. 111 00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:49,060 Um, can I say something? 112 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:53,900 Not customary, but I do have a reputation for being something of a 113 00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,800 That means I can say something, right? 114 00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,940 Yes. I, I, we're... 115 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,219 We're grateful. 116 00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:04,900 Yes, yes. Thank you. Everyone says it. 117 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:12,500 You two are in love, aren't you? Yeah. And you're probably feeling things. 118 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:14,980 Very strong things. 119 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,320 Yeah. 120 00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,680 Feelings you've never felt before. 121 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:24,980 You are feeling feelings that other people have felt before. Think about 122 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,380 You can't walk around as if you're the very first people to ever fall in love, 123 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:33,420 because you're not. My husband and I were very much in love many, many years 124 00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:37,240 ago, long before you were born. If we can fall in love, anyone can fall in 125 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,960 Yeah. Can you rewind that a little bit for me? 126 00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:48,460 By figuring things out for yourselves, you defeat the whole purpose of learning 127 00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:49,460 from an expert. 128 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,160 Shall we begin? 129 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,400 Yeah. 130 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,680 Yeah, you. 131 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:55,900 You. 132 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,100 May I have your seat? 133 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:05,600 Good. 134 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,600 How often do the two of you have sex with each other? Every night. 135 00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:16,320 That often? 136 00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:18,340 Seven days a week? 137 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,800 How unusual. 138 00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:24,880 Couples will typically have sex only 2 .3 times a week. 139 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:28,580 Why do you have sex so often? It helps you fall asleep. 140 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,760 Do you have that much stress in your life? 141 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,940 Sex has been known to relieve tension. 142 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,280 Joel! No, it just helps me. 143 00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:46,300 Do either of you use any drugs to enhance your sexual experience? 144 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:47,619 Yeah. 145 00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:49,720 You use drugs during sex? 146 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:58,160 I mean, I mean, I use them, I use them in... So she likes it. Calm down. 147 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,440 How is the sex better when you use antihistamines? 148 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:10,480 Before we go to bed, I take some antihistamines just to pop my 149 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,480 sinuses. Sinuses? 150 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:16,360 Sinuses. If I don't, my sinuses gives me a hard time when I'm kissing the down. 151 00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:17,860 Yeah. 152 00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:23,540 Joel, I'm going to put down no as the answer to that question. 153 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:28,080 And do yourself a favor, if you're asked that question in future audits, answer 154 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,080 no. 155 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,480 Joel, this question is for you. 156 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:39,100 If you were in a rowboat with Amber and your mother, and the rowboat capsized, 157 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,800 and you could only save one of them, who would you save? 158 00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:44,340 I can't swim. 159 00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:47,140 Let's say you can for the sake of argument. 160 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,700 My mother knows how to swim. 161 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,260 That's not the question. 162 00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,460 You said you can't even stand your mother. 163 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,740 She's my mother. What if she asks me? I can't lie to my mother, no. 164 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,040 Yeah, but you don't have to tell her anything. 165 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,820 Yeah, but if she knew that I picked you instead, she would be mad. I mean, you 166 00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:06,320 know, how will I ever face her? I mean, come on. 167 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,520 How will you ever face me? 168 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,740 I pick Ander. 169 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,600 The right answer, right? 170 00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:25,810 Now, let's move on to the instructional. 171 00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:54,840 Let's get rid of the fence. 172 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,780 Or curtains. 173 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,920 A new carpeting to warm the place up. 174 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,880 Can't we leave things the way they are? 175 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,000 Books, you know, some shelves. 176 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,300 Plants. 177 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,800 So it looks like someone lives here. 178 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,080 Pictures on the wall. 179 00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:20,340 We just take those away, too. 180 00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:23,550 They didn't take away the table or the sofa. 181 00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:25,170 They weren't illegal. 182 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:29,130 Just the pictures on the bookshelves. 183 00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:36,170 I need more light. 184 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:37,830 I like it dark. 185 00:14:39,010 --> 00:14:42,590 Let's paint the room black. 186 00:14:44,070 --> 00:14:47,190 Don't be ridiculous. Nobody paints their living room black. 187 00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:48,910 How hard can it be? 188 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:54,700 Can't we just leave things the way it is? It's always been like this. 189 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,420 It was nicer before. 190 00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:58,960 It wasn't always like this. It was nicer before. 191 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,260 Carpet. What's wrong with the floors? 192 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:07,740 Well, nothing's wrong. 193 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:09,280 What do you want me to do? 194 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:13,020 Some natural light to come in. 195 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:18,220 I think an arch window is really nice. 196 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:25,270 There isn't enough room between the top of the window and the ceiling for an 197 00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:26,270 arched window. 198 00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:33,450 What did you sigh about? 199 00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:36,990 I was making calculations. 200 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,370 Calculations don't make people sigh. 201 00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:47,090 The window is 71 inches wide. A right triangle with a 12 inch rise along a 35 202 00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,610 and one half inch run. 203 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:54,760 gives us the slope of 0 .338, which, by calculating this inverse tangent, gives 204 00:15:54,760 --> 00:16:00,720 us an angle of 18 .68 degrees, which is the angle at which the arch would meet 205 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,580 the top of the window. 18 .68 degrees. 206 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,780 That's why I was sighing. 207 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:07,960 Yuck. 208 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,900 It's throwing your windows out of the question. 209 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,480 Knowledge doesn't happen in a vacuum. 210 00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:19,910 I wouldn't be able to explain how I know what I know. 211 00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,370 Well, how would they know? 212 00:16:22,770 --> 00:16:26,490 Everything's the same every year for 20 years, except for an arched window. You 213 00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:28,410 don't think the auditors will ask questions? 214 00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:32,310 I can paint the walls, you know. Anybody can paint, no suspicion. 215 00:16:32,770 --> 00:16:37,750 If you don't want to do it, get up and throw something or yell, scream, 216 00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:39,410 anything. 217 00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:43,110 I can paint the walls. 218 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,120 You would? 219 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,980 Keep my hands busy, my mind calm. 220 00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:54,660 Well, build me a house. 221 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,040 Too many questions. 222 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,380 Do something original. 223 00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:02,420 How? For God's sake, tell me how. 224 00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:06,540 I've done everything you asked. What more can I possibly do? 225 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,359 Can't you see what's wrong with that? 226 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,099 Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? 227 00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:16,530 If I wasn't here in your life... What would you have done? I don't want to 228 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:17,530 about that. 229 00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:20,730 What did I interrupt? 230 00:17:22,930 --> 00:17:24,829 What did I keep you away from? 231 00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:27,849 Who did I keep you away from? 232 00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:32,630 Some pictures from faraway places would have looked nice on that wall. 233 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,590 Fire towards the foundation. 234 00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:56,050 Let the neighbors see the smoking ones around. 235 00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:00,790 I see everything in here buried in ash. 236 00:18:01,350 --> 00:18:02,610 Can't do that. 237 00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:23,140 I want to keep trying, but I don't know how. 238 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,840 Can we just use the bed? 239 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:35,220 We changed protocol several years ago. Some of our young clients would get 240 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:36,220 randy. 241 00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:38,020 Let's begin. 242 00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:41,200 Oh, that's no longer part of the protocol either. 243 00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:46,500 So, Amber, would you mind sitting back and let Joel come to you? 244 00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:53,490 Thank you. 245 00:18:55,270 --> 00:19:02,270 Now, Joel, it's customary for the man 246 00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:03,270 to lead. 247 00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:09,150 Statistics bear out that in the long term, coupling is most successful when 248 00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:10,870 male is dominant. 249 00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:15,050 I thought that if either one was dominant... Have you two been 250 00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,490 with alternatives? 251 00:19:17,110 --> 00:19:18,850 I mean, you just hear stories and... 252 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:24,060 You know, makes you wonder and... It's all about experiences, though. 253 00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,260 That's why these site visits are so important. 254 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:32,900 Now, Joel, it's customary for the man to lead. 255 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,860 Yeah. What if there were two men? 256 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,280 Who lives then? 257 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,480 Who have you been hearing these stories from? 258 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:40,980 It's a pure story. 259 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:46,260 You two do understand why this is so important, why we take this so 260 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:47,660 Yes. 261 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,760 It's important. 262 00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:51,180 that I hear you two say it. 263 00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:01,860 Strong individuals lead to strong couples. 264 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:06,040 Strong couples lead to strong families. Strong families lead to strong 265 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,220 communities. Strong communities lead to a strong nation. Wait. 266 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,540 Let Joel finish. 267 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,440 And a strong nation leads to a strong economy, which makes everybody strong. 268 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,790 I'm glad to see you've read through the application thoroughly. Not everyone 269 00:20:20,790 --> 00:20:27,530 does. Now, let's assume all the preliminaries are completed and you are 270 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:33,030 sufficiently moist. Now, Joel, get down on all fours and climb on top of her. 271 00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:42,290 Amber, your job is to help guide him inside you. 272 00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,010 What if he's not hard? 273 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:50,640 If you're moist, then he's hard. That's Mother Nature's synchronicity. Joel, 274 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,940 once you're inside her, thrust. 275 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,100 No, not like that. 276 00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,360 From the hip. 277 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:01,720 One. 278 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,480 Twice. 279 00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:08,200 If you can thrust three times before ejaculating, consider yourself ahead of 280 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,860 curve. Okay, darling, you can stop now. Okay. 281 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,300 That's why we have you do this fully clothed. 282 00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:22,820 The whole purpose for this instructional is to help dissipate your impulse for 283 00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:29,520 experimentation. I'm bending a little rule here, showing this to you, but 284 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:36,100 I want to give you a taste of what you can look forward to. 285 00:21:40,420 --> 00:21:43,940 One thousand one ways to enjoy the missionary position. 286 00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:49,750 One... Abstinence -only instructionals proved ineffective. 287 00:21:50,210 --> 00:21:53,770 Our founding fathers commissioned this study. 288 00:21:53,990 --> 00:22:00,590 If you can't outlaw behavior, then you must regulate it. 289 00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:04,150 This saved my marriage. 290 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:33,960 I guess I'm just used to doing it on holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. 291 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,160 Guess what? 292 00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:39,660 This is my real birthday. 293 00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:41,220 Happy birthday. 294 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:54,000 Pretend that you're a teenager and I'm your girl and this is your 295 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,700 parents' bed and they're not home. Tell me what you'd say to me. 296 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:00,880 Make me take my clothes off. 297 00:23:01,140 --> 00:23:02,460 Oh, I don't know. 298 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:05,960 Gee, it's hot in here. 299 00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:09,900 Yes, it is. I think I'll take this off. 300 00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:13,580 No, no, no, don't. 301 00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,460 It doesn't work and I don't want to hurt your feelings. 302 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:19,840 Look at me. 303 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,180 I'm more dignified than this. 304 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,580 Pretend that this is an expensive hotel room. 305 00:23:29,710 --> 00:23:30,790 We can't afford that. 306 00:23:31,090 --> 00:23:34,830 You live in a sleazy, cheap motel room. 307 00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:39,190 And I'm a hooker that you picked up. I wouldn't cheat on you. I'm your wife. 308 00:23:40,050 --> 00:23:42,110 You're my wife. You are my wife. 309 00:23:43,530 --> 00:23:44,790 Then I'm your mistress. 310 00:23:45,790 --> 00:23:50,230 What is wrong with how we've been doing it? How have we been doing it? You know. 311 00:23:52,070 --> 00:23:53,090 Pretend that I don't. 312 00:23:54,490 --> 00:23:55,750 We get dressed up. 313 00:23:56,300 --> 00:24:00,080 You put on your black dress, I put on my suit and shoes, and we walk across the 314 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:01,080 street to the tavern. 315 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,319 We eat. 316 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,320 We ask the tavern owner what's a good word. He tells us about his son who he 317 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,320 hasn't seen for years. 318 00:24:06,460 --> 00:24:10,940 Then we walk back, we put away our clothes, we climb in a bed, and then we 319 00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:13,700 love. And why can't we do that tonight? 320 00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:15,840 The tavern is closed. 321 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,520 ever dream about your future? 322 00:24:27,460 --> 00:24:29,940 I wondered what my funeral would be like. 323 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,160 Not so far in the future. 324 00:24:35,380 --> 00:24:36,380 It wasn't that far. 325 00:24:36,860 --> 00:24:38,460 I didn't think I'd live this long. 326 00:24:41,060 --> 00:24:43,380 I'm used to things a certain way. 327 00:24:44,820 --> 00:24:47,280 I like you just sitting in the bed. 328 00:24:57,770 --> 00:24:58,770 And you're sitting here. 329 00:25:01,170 --> 00:25:02,170 I'm here. 330 00:25:02,430 --> 00:25:03,430 Yes. 331 00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:07,270 Just sitting here. Just sit. 332 00:25:07,810 --> 00:25:10,010 Like this? Exactly like this. 333 00:25:11,730 --> 00:25:12,730 Then what? 334 00:25:12,890 --> 00:25:13,890 Just sit. 335 00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:17,130 You're lost in your thoughts. I'm lost in mine. 336 00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:23,490 Suddenly I realize that you're sitting right there and I can't concentrate. 337 00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:26,830 I feel the heat tumbling off your body. 338 00:25:37,290 --> 00:25:39,110 Do I really have erections while I'm asleep? 339 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:30,180 Thought I had another pair of underwear Here 340 00:26:55,370 --> 00:26:56,710 Are you still mad about dinner? 341 00:26:58,470 --> 00:27:00,190 She can afford her own dinner. 342 00:27:02,090 --> 00:27:04,230 I was just trying to be polite. 343 00:27:05,670 --> 00:27:09,130 Yeah, well, your being polite could have been viewed as an attempt at bribery. 344 00:27:10,290 --> 00:27:12,130 Thousands of couples go through this. 345 00:27:14,530 --> 00:27:16,090 We have nothing to worry about. 346 00:27:17,130 --> 00:27:20,050 You don't know what ridiculous law you might be breaking. 347 00:27:22,890 --> 00:27:23,890 Like what? 348 00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:30,620 They outlawed hairpins because some idiot was using them to pick locks. 349 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,380 We have to be on our best behavior. We don't know how they're judging us. 350 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,020 I did a bad thing. 351 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,080 Oh, my God. 352 00:27:58,900 --> 00:28:00,000 How did you get that? 353 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,500 I don't know. What if she wants to read it tonight? I don't know. 354 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:10,300 What does she need a sex manual for? I mean, it's all already saved your 355 00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:15,380 mood, so I thought... This is a book. We can't have this. 356 00:28:15,900 --> 00:28:20,840 I know it's a book, but... Stop it. What? 357 00:28:23,740 --> 00:28:24,740 Number 42. 358 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:30,300 The missionary position should always be enjoyed during the evening hours. It 359 00:28:30,300 --> 00:28:33,560 gives the couple a tangible goal to work toward during the day. 360 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:38,340 Undertaking the missionary position during the morning hours is strongly 361 00:28:38,340 --> 00:28:43,180 discouraged because it depletes vital physical and mental resources needed for 362 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:44,200 job -related tasks. 363 00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:48,940 I win. I don't have to have sex with you in the morning. I'm always horny in the 364 00:28:48,940 --> 00:28:49,940 morning. What? 365 00:28:50,980 --> 00:28:51,980 Number... 366 00:28:56,290 --> 00:28:58,270 371. Okay. What? 367 00:28:58,510 --> 00:28:59,650 Listen. Yeah? 368 00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:03,990 Couples may attempt multiple episodes of the missionary position. 369 00:29:04,850 --> 00:29:11,070 Okay. I'm here. However, the period between erections 370 00:29:11,070 --> 00:29:17,770 may vary depending on the male. During these periods, the female may 371 00:29:17,770 --> 00:29:20,730 engage in other activities such as laundry. 372 00:29:21,070 --> 00:29:22,190 But I always do the laundry. 373 00:29:23,870 --> 00:29:25,110 Because you like it. 374 00:29:27,350 --> 00:29:29,210 You should hide this. Okay. 375 00:29:33,470 --> 00:29:33,970 I 376 00:29:33,970 --> 00:29:44,430 went 377 00:29:44,430 --> 00:29:45,670 to the supermarket today. 378 00:29:46,010 --> 00:29:47,750 Well, you're just full of surprises. 379 00:29:48,310 --> 00:29:49,310 I know. 380 00:29:51,370 --> 00:29:52,810 Do you want to know what I heard? 381 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:58,800 Tell me. 382 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,340 Sit back and relax. 383 00:30:09,860 --> 00:30:11,000 This is a toothbrush. 384 00:30:11,380 --> 00:30:14,340 It vibrates 30 ,000 times a second. 385 00:30:15,620 --> 00:30:19,720 It's good for loosening up the plug beneath the gum line. 386 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,220 But if I slowly... 387 00:30:27,530 --> 00:30:30,950 Put on your clitoris. 388 00:30:31,450 --> 00:30:32,450 Ow! 389 00:30:33,770 --> 00:30:36,410 God, you're not supposed to use the bristle ant. 390 00:30:36,690 --> 00:30:38,230 Oh, are you hurt? 391 00:30:38,870 --> 00:30:39,870 Yes. 392 00:30:40,470 --> 00:30:41,470 I'm sorry. 393 00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:47,110 Do you want me to do something about it? 394 00:30:49,270 --> 00:30:50,270 No. 395 00:30:56,780 --> 00:30:58,380 Did you use your toothbrush or mine? 396 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:01,760 You only need a toothbrush. 397 00:31:15,060 --> 00:31:18,140 How come we hardly ever use the missionary position? 398 00:31:19,260 --> 00:31:20,780 Because it hurts my back. 399 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:25,400 Actually... 400 00:31:27,590 --> 00:31:29,250 Back's kind of knotted up right now 401 00:31:29,250 --> 00:31:36,530 That 402 00:31:36,530 --> 00:31:37,870 spot right there 403 00:32:08,110 --> 00:32:09,690 Let's write it down before I forget. 404 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,520 Number 753. 405 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:57,960 The heightened pleasure from using a ribbed condom is an urban myth. 406 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:04,100 Despite its higher cost, countless scientific studies have proven that 407 00:33:04,100 --> 00:33:09,500 ribbed condom does not appreciably provide any additional pleasure for the 408 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:30,840 Thank you. 409 00:35:29,029 --> 00:35:30,510 Oh, my God. 410 00:35:32,990 --> 00:35:34,530 Oh, are you hurt? 411 00:35:34,750 --> 00:35:36,690 No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. 412 00:35:37,610 --> 00:35:38,549 Nothing's broken. 413 00:35:38,550 --> 00:35:39,710 Nothing's broken. I'm okay. 414 00:35:40,410 --> 00:35:41,410 I'm okay. 415 00:35:43,690 --> 00:35:44,950 I'm missing something now. 416 00:35:47,270 --> 00:35:48,570 Do you see it on the stairs? 417 00:35:50,730 --> 00:35:54,850 You think... No, I don't see it anywhere. 418 00:35:56,710 --> 00:35:59,810 Do you think it's, uh... I 419 00:35:59,810 --> 00:36:05,230 need 420 00:36:05,230 --> 00:36:09,190 a flashlight. 421 00:36:10,030 --> 00:36:11,030 No, 422 00:36:12,370 --> 00:36:17,430 I couldn't have wedged it that far up there. It's one of the very expensive 423 00:36:17,430 --> 00:36:18,570 kinds. It's ribbed. 424 00:36:19,670 --> 00:36:21,370 You didn't notice? 425 00:36:22,810 --> 00:36:24,550 We have a perfectly good bed. 426 00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:31,420 Well, I'm just not used to these angles and all this light. 427 00:36:31,980 --> 00:36:35,080 You know what I want to do? I want to do it in every single room. In the 428 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,340 kitchen, in the basement, in the attic. 429 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:38,680 Today? 430 00:36:39,100 --> 00:36:40,640 It doesn't have to be today. 431 00:36:40,980 --> 00:36:42,160 I can make a plan. 432 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:49,600 Can you just check and see if it's... You know, this floor is slippery. 433 00:36:49,860 --> 00:36:52,580 I can't keep my balance. 434 00:36:52,780 --> 00:36:55,880 Well, you take your socks off. Then my feet get cold. We have a perfectly good 435 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:56,880 bed. 436 00:37:01,670 --> 00:37:05,230 You don't have to do it the same way every time. You know what you could do? 437 00:37:05,830 --> 00:37:11,350 You could touch me up here before you touch me down there. 438 00:37:12,670 --> 00:37:13,670 Be nice. 439 00:37:16,850 --> 00:37:18,870 Let me just check and see if it's in there. 440 00:37:21,630 --> 00:37:23,930 I'll need a flashlight. 441 00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:26,510 No, you don't. Yeah, I feel more comfortable with a flashlight. 442 00:37:36,270 --> 00:37:39,070 How do you say, you know, can you, how do you, you know, when you see the 443 00:37:39,070 --> 00:37:40,450 and you go ah, how do you say ah? 444 00:37:40,670 --> 00:37:41,670 The same way. 445 00:37:42,310 --> 00:37:43,310 Can you say ah? 446 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:16,280 I don't feel anything. 447 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:18,280 Keep trying. 448 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:25,460 I don't feel anything. 449 00:38:25,940 --> 00:38:27,880 Keep trying. 450 00:38:32,820 --> 00:38:34,240 I don't feel anything. 451 00:38:34,700 --> 00:38:38,060 This makes me nervous. 452 00:38:42,060 --> 00:38:43,420 What if you get pregnant? 453 00:38:44,910 --> 00:38:46,770 I'd be the happiest woman in the world. 454 00:39:48,619 --> 00:39:53,120 Our relationship algorithm has been battle -hardened through many years of 455 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:57,410 practical service Intelligence, temperament, socialization are all 456 00:39:57,410 --> 00:39:58,410 take under consideration. 457 00:39:59,390 --> 00:40:01,970 Error rates are statistically insignificant. 458 00:40:02,990 --> 00:40:06,810 Longitudinal studies show our database demonstrates far more successful 459 00:40:06,810 --> 00:40:09,070 couplings than random pairings. 460 00:40:09,330 --> 00:40:16,110 After all, marriage is... Excuse me. Marriage is the bedrock of our society. 461 00:40:17,970 --> 00:40:18,970 Okay. 462 00:40:20,030 --> 00:40:23,430 Can we get married now? 463 00:40:25,100 --> 00:40:27,360 This is the hardest part about my job. 464 00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:35,180 Though you two seem very polite and happy together, your 465 00:40:35,180 --> 00:40:39,860 compatibility chart would indicate that you are... How do I say this? 466 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:41,940 Not compatible. 467 00:40:44,660 --> 00:40:49,460 No, that can't be. Your predispositions are insurmountable. No wonder you two 468 00:40:49,460 --> 00:40:50,460 get along at all. 469 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,400 On paper, you shouldn't. 470 00:40:52,860 --> 00:40:54,100 Can't we take more tests? 471 00:40:56,810 --> 00:41:01,430 We don't need to waste our time with any further testing. Sometimes the data is 472 00:41:01,430 --> 00:41:05,590 self -evident. You can tell a child will grow up to be a gifted politician by 473 00:41:05,590 --> 00:41:06,730 the way he avoids responsibility. 474 00:41:07,270 --> 00:41:08,270 So what happens now? 475 00:41:08,950 --> 00:41:13,430 Your data will be fed into a computer and you'll be indexed with someone more 476 00:41:13,430 --> 00:41:14,430 suitable. What? 477 00:41:14,610 --> 00:41:15,690 A stranger? 478 00:41:16,050 --> 00:41:17,450 In most cases. 479 00:41:25,390 --> 00:41:27,510 I mean, do we have to go through with that process? 480 00:41:29,150 --> 00:41:34,410 Once you've declared your eligibility for marriage, you can't undeclare. It's 481 00:41:34,410 --> 00:41:35,930 the institution that's important. 482 00:41:36,190 --> 00:41:38,790 The details are interchangeable. 483 00:41:40,350 --> 00:41:44,490 Without the haze of lust, only can true compatibility be found. 484 00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:46,070 Maybe even love. 485 00:41:46,990 --> 00:41:49,370 As he approaches infinity... 486 00:41:50,110 --> 00:41:54,050 Successful couples who base their decisions on sexual attraction 487 00:41:54,050 --> 00:41:55,050 zero. 488 00:41:56,690 --> 00:42:02,690 You will save yourself the undue burden of your inevitable divorce fees. 489 00:42:06,050 --> 00:42:08,250 I'm somehow confused. 490 00:42:09,850 --> 00:42:13,170 You will be married, just not to each other. 491 00:42:14,090 --> 00:42:17,030 Isn't there some way that we can work around the system? 492 00:42:19,310 --> 00:42:20,450 How would that happen? 493 00:42:20,790 --> 00:42:22,190 That would be my turn. 494 00:42:23,290 --> 00:42:24,350 I'm sorry, baby. 495 00:42:27,730 --> 00:42:33,410 How was it if we had something that was 496 00:42:33,410 --> 00:42:35,930 valuable to you? 497 00:42:36,770 --> 00:42:37,770 Officer! 498 00:42:38,450 --> 00:42:40,310 Officer! Officer! 499 00:43:00,450 --> 00:43:02,810 Will I have any trouble with you? 500 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:56,720 Close the door. 501 00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:00,640 Lock it. 502 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:03,840 Get the blinds. 503 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:16,520 Where'd you go? 504 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,740 Do you know what this is? Oh, Michael. 505 00:45:23,580 --> 00:45:24,580 A tomato. 506 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:31,060 Thought of by the general population as a vegetable, but classified by botanists 507 00:45:31,060 --> 00:45:31,759 as a fruit. 508 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:36,380 The confusion created by the endless lawsuits led to an outright ban by the 509 00:45:36,380 --> 00:45:41,000 government 17 years ago. But the real reason was because archaeologists 510 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:46,100 discovered definitive proof that this was the forbidden fruit of the Garden of 511 00:45:46,100 --> 00:45:47,400 Eden, not the pomegranate. 512 00:45:52,060 --> 00:45:53,060 A banana. 513 00:45:54,570 --> 00:45:57,650 It might have had the same fate as the tomato, but not so many scientists were 514 00:45:57,650 --> 00:46:00,370 passionate about reclassifying it as an herb. 515 00:46:01,430 --> 00:46:05,650 It was banned 10 years ago because its public consumption was deemed too 516 00:46:05,650 --> 00:46:07,030 sexually provocative. 517 00:46:16,470 --> 00:46:17,550 Dried sea cucumber. 518 00:46:18,030 --> 00:46:21,410 I don't know how anybody could mistake this for vegetable sea cucumbers. 519 00:46:21,980 --> 00:46:25,140 were banned because, though never scientifically proven, they were 520 00:46:25,140 --> 00:46:28,140 be a powerful aphrodisiac. 521 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,800 Beer. Considered the drink of the common man. 522 00:46:38,020 --> 00:46:41,760 The government banned this because it had decreed that no one should consider 523 00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,100 themselves common. 524 00:46:56,200 --> 00:47:00,820 If I drink this, can we please go back to the way things were before? 525 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,200 I'm not mad at you. 526 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,080 Then why are you sleeping on the sofa? 527 00:47:06,420 --> 00:47:13,160 Well, if there's any disagreements between us, it's... It's... 528 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:19,620 Well, you just smooth over it as if it was nothing to you and... I don't want 529 00:47:19,620 --> 00:47:20,620 upset you. 530 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,760 I feel more like you're... 531 00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,800 roommate than I do your wife ever since the diagnosis. 532 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,600 I miss the missingness in our lives. 533 00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:31,140 Well, isn't that the goal? 534 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:36,500 Yeah, but where's the prize? Where's the trophy for winning? 535 00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,040 I don't know. I don't know what you want. 536 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,900 Just ask me. What if I can't give it to you? Don't you think I know you well 537 00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:45,640 enough after all these years to know what you're capable of? 538 00:47:51,980 --> 00:47:55,840 What do you What can I do for you? 539 00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:04,020 Tell me a story like you used to when you were reading all those books of 540 00:48:04,020 --> 00:48:05,020 yours. 541 00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:07,120 I ran out of stories. 542 00:48:07,540 --> 00:48:10,200 I don't mind hearing them a second time. 543 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:16,700 They're just fantasies written by people who follow their dreams about people 544 00:48:16,700 --> 00:48:17,860 who follow their dreams. 545 00:48:18,420 --> 00:48:21,120 Who writes stories about people who don't follow their dreams? 546 00:48:21,340 --> 00:48:22,660 I don't mind if... 547 00:48:24,490 --> 00:48:25,490 I've heard it before. 548 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:27,420 The poetry of our youth, the clichés that we used, the 549 00:49:27,420 --> 00:49:33,820 stories that everyone tells about the shared experiences of fulfillment and 550 00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:39,320 but the pain of a broken heart remains the same. 551 00:49:46,780 --> 00:49:49,280 I never thought of you as a roommate. 552 00:50:26,410 --> 00:50:28,270 When did you write that stuff? 553 00:50:30,570 --> 00:50:32,710 After we met, you never talked to me. 554 00:50:34,310 --> 00:50:36,410 Well, it did take us a while. 555 00:51:31,370 --> 00:51:32,890 People are quite nice here. 556 00:51:35,870 --> 00:51:37,670 Nothing like the stories you've heard. 557 00:51:39,570 --> 00:51:41,030 It's like being at work. 558 00:51:43,750 --> 00:51:45,010 Tells what to do. 559 00:51:47,330 --> 00:51:48,330 When to do. 560 00:51:58,210 --> 00:51:59,210 It's not fair. 561 00:52:02,250 --> 00:52:04,650 This is all my fault. I should be in there, not you. 562 00:52:06,710 --> 00:52:08,850 No one has the right to keep the people apart. 563 00:52:10,650 --> 00:52:11,650 No one. 564 00:52:13,990 --> 00:52:14,990 We are apart. 565 00:52:18,650 --> 00:52:19,850 I know what I feel. 566 00:52:22,110 --> 00:52:23,490 That's the most important part. 567 00:52:25,950 --> 00:52:26,950 I love you. 568 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,200 Who knows how love works? 569 00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:46,460 Sometimes I wish that we didn't use lemons. 570 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:56,820 It could be you're on your way to being a dad, and I could be on my way to being 571 00:52:56,820 --> 00:52:57,820 a mom. 572 00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:03,260 What if we have to follow the rules? 573 00:53:05,620 --> 00:53:06,760 We'll get through this. 574 00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:08,520 We will, I mean. 575 00:53:09,380 --> 00:53:10,740 It's not gonna go anywhere. 576 00:53:13,100 --> 00:53:15,100 You don't have to worry about cheating on you. 577 00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:19,600 What's wrong? 578 00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:23,440 What's wrong? 579 00:53:28,380 --> 00:53:30,160 They're moving forward with me. 580 00:53:31,390 --> 00:53:32,390 What do you mean? 581 00:53:35,010 --> 00:53:41,190 I mean, the database has matched me with someone who 582 00:53:41,190 --> 00:53:48,170 will complement my personality and provide me with long -term stability. 583 00:53:50,730 --> 00:53:52,610 Oh, God, I hate that word. 584 00:53:53,450 --> 00:53:55,290 I won't feel a thing for it. 585 00:53:58,330 --> 00:53:59,470 I'll get out of here. 586 00:54:03,020 --> 00:54:04,020 I promise you that. 587 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,000 I'll get out of here. 588 00:54:29,460 --> 00:54:30,480 It's not that cold. 589 00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:32,920 Slow down. 590 00:54:33,260 --> 00:54:34,280 Take bigger steps. 591 00:54:35,620 --> 00:54:40,480 We have a perfectly good dining room at home. Table, tablecloths, plates, 592 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:42,400 utensils, silverware. 593 00:54:43,220 --> 00:54:46,140 Why do I have to sit on the cold ground like beggars? 594 00:54:46,540 --> 00:54:47,540 Picnic. 595 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:48,920 Not that far. 596 00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:50,840 It'll be fun. 597 00:54:51,780 --> 00:54:56,060 I'm sweating, man. I'm cold. How did mankind ever survive this kind of 598 00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:57,740 People for you. 599 00:55:17,070 --> 00:55:19,970 My grandmother used to bring me up here for picnics. 600 00:55:20,690 --> 00:55:26,150 She told me stories about some of the dates she had up here. 601 00:55:26,690 --> 00:55:27,850 It's pretty romantic. 602 00:55:28,370 --> 00:55:30,310 Grandfather didn't seem like the type. 603 00:55:30,550 --> 00:55:31,750 No, it was before him. 604 00:55:32,930 --> 00:55:37,390 Your grandmother told you stories about... There was this one boyfriend 605 00:55:37,390 --> 00:55:39,850 a really black, hairy chest. 606 00:55:40,570 --> 00:55:42,610 I want to hear about your grandmother's boyfriend. 607 00:55:43,010 --> 00:55:45,350 He chiseled her name somewhere on this rock. 608 00:55:45,590 --> 00:55:47,010 Who brings a chisel on a date? 609 00:55:47,410 --> 00:55:49,830 Did your grandfather ever chisel her name into a rock? 610 00:55:50,070 --> 00:55:53,410 No, that's probably why they stayed married as long as they did. 611 00:55:55,390 --> 00:55:56,390 You okay? 612 00:55:58,750 --> 00:56:04,390 She lost her virginity on this rock. 613 00:56:04,610 --> 00:56:06,290 I want to hear about your grandmother's virginity. 614 00:56:06,530 --> 00:56:07,870 I want to make love to you here. 615 00:56:08,230 --> 00:56:09,690 Wasn't the stairs weird enough? 616 00:56:39,720 --> 00:56:40,720 It's okay. 617 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:42,320 It's okay. 618 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:46,000 It's okay. 619 00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:56,740 Listen, we found a really great place for a picnic back there. We passed. 620 00:57:03,500 --> 00:57:04,500 I'm okay. 621 00:57:37,710 --> 00:57:39,690 I remember diapers. 622 00:57:41,010 --> 00:57:42,610 I remember slippers. 623 00:57:43,110 --> 00:57:45,570 I remember stale milk. 624 00:57:48,110 --> 00:57:50,270 I remember bathrobes. 625 00:57:50,490 --> 00:57:52,170 I remember plastic toys. 626 00:57:52,990 --> 00:57:54,830 I remember carpeting. 627 00:57:55,470 --> 00:57:57,250 I remember swimming pools. 628 00:57:57,470 --> 00:57:58,750 I remember bicycles. 629 00:57:59,230 --> 00:58:00,490 I remember slingshots. 630 00:58:00,770 --> 00:58:03,430 I remember tree houses. I remember snowball fights. 631 00:58:03,630 --> 00:58:07,550 I remember holding hands. I remember sitting in the sun. I remember talking 632 00:58:07,550 --> 00:58:10,390 until dawn. I remember... I remember laundry. 633 00:58:12,230 --> 00:58:13,850 I remember Cal. 634 00:58:15,810 --> 00:58:18,530 I remember him throwing a ball around. 635 00:58:18,750 --> 00:58:19,870 I remember cutting his hair. 636 00:58:20,070 --> 00:58:23,230 I remember doing his homework. I remember reading to him. 637 00:58:23,950 --> 00:58:25,290 I remember, Cal. 638 00:58:27,670 --> 00:58:30,490 You haven't seen your son since he was two years old. 639 00:58:31,490 --> 00:58:32,490 But I remember. 640 00:58:33,750 --> 00:58:38,170 Like the time we all had dinner together, me and Cal and you and Amber. 641 00:58:38,170 --> 00:58:39,170 time that was. 642 00:58:41,610 --> 00:58:42,890 Never happened, man. 643 00:58:44,270 --> 00:58:45,350 I remember. 644 00:58:46,730 --> 00:58:48,490 You should remember, too. 645 00:58:50,690 --> 00:58:52,650 It started low with Charlie. 646 00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:58,300 He'd tell me his stories and after a while he'd tell them to me again. 647 00:58:58,700 --> 00:59:04,040 I'd tell him my stories and soon I found myself telling him the same stories 648 00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:09,140 again. The scary part was that Charlie didn't mind hearing my stories over and 649 00:59:09,140 --> 00:59:10,078 over again. 650 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:12,220 And after a while I didn't mind either. 651 00:59:14,500 --> 00:59:16,240 We just run out of memories. 652 00:59:18,780 --> 00:59:21,600 What happens to a man when he runs out of memories? 653 00:59:30,540 --> 00:59:32,920 I never took small steps. I always took big steps. 654 00:59:34,060 --> 00:59:38,280 Every time, it just terrified the hell out of me. You don't think it was a big 655 00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:40,160 step when we got together? 656 00:59:40,380 --> 00:59:45,880 That was a huge step for me. You wouldn't stop talking. I had no idea 657 00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,040 were talking about. If I didn't stop talking, you wouldn't leave. 658 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:55,040 And then you decided to stay, and that was the night that I wished would never 659 00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:56,040 end. 660 00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:59,920 The night still hasn't ended. What? The night still hasn't ended. 661 01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:04,660 Did you see? I thought I had a second chance. 662 01:00:04,940 --> 01:00:05,940 What do you mean? 663 01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:14,520 I was a teenager, you know. She was the girl all the teenage boys wanted to 664 01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:19,940 know. She came down with a bad case of nodules on her throat, and she couldn't 665 01:00:19,940 --> 01:00:21,860 speak. So she'd be sitting there. 666 01:00:22,540 --> 01:00:23,660 She'd be sitting there. 667 01:00:24,299 --> 01:00:27,360 writing notes as fast as she could, everyone just talking. I came up with my 668 01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:34,340 pad, and I wrote her a note, and she looked at me, and she was 669 01:00:34,340 --> 01:00:39,440 my girlfriend for like two weeks, and I wrote things that I could never say out 670 01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:46,140 loud, and after a couple of weeks, the nodules went away, and I wrote her a 671 01:00:46,140 --> 01:00:49,020 letter, told her I loved her. 672 01:00:50,100 --> 01:00:51,220 She never wrote back. 673 01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:55,780 Is that where you go when you're inside your head? 674 01:00:58,140 --> 01:01:02,860 Every time I tell you I love you, I feel like such a hypocrite because I said 675 01:01:02,860 --> 01:01:04,020 the same words to her. 676 01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:06,560 Well, say something else. 677 01:01:07,420 --> 01:01:08,860 Something you'd only say to me. 678 01:01:10,780 --> 01:01:14,600 What did you say after I read your poem? 679 01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:18,420 That I never thought of you as a roommate. 680 01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:20,040 That's good. 681 01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:21,840 No, I like... 682 01:01:23,820 --> 01:01:25,880 No one else would ever say those words to me. 683 01:01:27,020 --> 01:01:29,180 I'd know what you mean when you'd say them to me. 684 01:01:30,780 --> 01:01:32,460 That I never thought of you as a roommate? 685 01:01:34,600 --> 01:01:41,460 That you mean what you feel now and not what you felt when you 686 01:01:41,460 --> 01:01:44,100 said I love you through throat, nodule, girl. 687 01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:48,500 Why did you think of her? 688 01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:50,080 Oh, I don't know. 689 01:01:50,490 --> 01:01:54,010 Saw her. I think I saw her a couple of weeks ago just out and about. And there 690 01:01:54,010 --> 01:01:58,050 was, you know, a little schoolboy again looking in an empty mailbox. 691 01:01:59,010 --> 01:02:00,430 Are you going to see her after? 692 01:02:00,630 --> 01:02:02,230 Oh, how sad would that be? 693 01:02:02,930 --> 01:02:04,410 Are you going to see her after? 694 01:02:04,630 --> 01:02:05,630 No, that would be wrong. 695 01:02:07,130 --> 01:02:08,650 Are you going to see her after? 696 01:02:09,450 --> 01:02:10,810 You won't remember me. 697 01:02:11,790 --> 01:02:13,210 Are you going to see her after? 698 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:28,240 20 years you never hinted that you wanted to go picnicking. 699 01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:33,240 You never told me about throat and nodule girl either. 700 01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:39,040 I never wanted you to think that you were my second choice. 701 01:02:51,700 --> 01:02:52,900 I'm going to make a fire. 702 01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:03,180 Don't let go! 703 01:04:03,460 --> 01:04:04,460 Don't let go! 704 01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:05,760 Don't let go! 705 01:04:43,450 --> 01:04:45,690 There is so little in here to hold on to. 706 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:03,700 for me to believe that the world is a better place than me in here. 707 01:05:19,740 --> 01:05:20,940 Yes, on paper. 708 01:05:26,560 --> 01:05:28,720 I only let him touch me when I have to. 709 01:05:31,109 --> 01:05:32,890 birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. 710 01:05:40,610 --> 01:05:42,370 You know, Amber, you have to tell me something. 711 01:05:45,290 --> 01:05:51,110 I don't care how much you think you'll hurt me, but... you haven't told me 712 01:05:51,110 --> 01:05:52,110 anything. 713 01:05:57,800 --> 01:06:00,760 Looking at you through this glass and I can tell if you're real or not. 714 01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:06,140 Love you so much, baby. 715 01:06:07,980 --> 01:06:09,080 Love you so much. 716 01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:13,120 I need that. 717 01:06:14,860 --> 01:06:15,860 I need that. 718 01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:19,660 Give me something to dream of. 719 01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:26,480 If we... If we were smart, you know we'd never... 720 01:06:26,750 --> 01:06:27,750 Fourth grader now. 721 01:06:27,850 --> 01:06:30,310 He could be telling the long division now. 722 01:06:30,610 --> 01:06:32,110 It's the only thing I have, Amber. 723 01:06:32,730 --> 01:06:33,990 The only thing I have. 724 01:06:38,310 --> 01:06:39,310 You know? 725 01:06:41,730 --> 01:06:42,730 Give me some. 726 01:06:45,130 --> 01:06:46,130 Give me some. 727 01:06:47,810 --> 01:06:49,550 You have to live for both of us. 728 01:06:54,470 --> 01:06:55,750 I don't want to live. 729 01:07:01,870 --> 01:07:03,990 Maybe Fran was right about romantic love. 730 01:07:06,670 --> 01:07:08,130 It's all about the hormones, right? 731 01:07:11,750 --> 01:07:14,190 How can you know I could be a terrible husband? 732 01:07:15,230 --> 01:07:16,630 A terrible husband. 733 01:07:19,150 --> 01:07:20,450 No, you wouldn't have been. 734 01:07:35,150 --> 01:07:37,330 I hate the way my name sounds when he calls it. 735 01:07:38,630 --> 01:07:40,430 It reminds me too much of you. 736 01:07:42,530 --> 01:07:47,130 So... I make him call me by my middle name. 737 01:07:51,910 --> 01:07:52,910 Thank you. 738 01:08:22,060 --> 01:08:25,160 was far less regimented back then. 739 01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:30,880 You didn't always know who was coming in and who was going out of your life. 740 01:08:31,160 --> 01:08:32,859 You didn't know what was going to happen next. 741 01:08:33,180 --> 01:08:35,779 I prefer the security of not knowing. 742 01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:37,500 No, you don't. 743 01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:41,399 You try very hard not to know what will happen next. 744 01:08:42,779 --> 01:08:49,640 My grandmother told me that when two people joined, it was a celebration. 745 01:08:53,969 --> 01:08:55,109 Giant party. 746 01:08:55,790 --> 01:09:00,529 People traveling for miles around just to be with you. 747 01:09:04,250 --> 01:09:07,010 And wear their fanciest clothes. 748 01:09:07,710 --> 01:09:09,430 And everyone would cry. 749 01:09:11,490 --> 01:09:17,210 Can you imagine traveling so far just to come and cry? 750 01:09:18,470 --> 01:09:20,729 And she told me about the food. 751 01:09:23,790 --> 01:09:27,390 how much and the different kinds she would eat. 752 01:09:29,109 --> 01:09:34,390 A large cake, so large two people can stand on it. 753 01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:41,729 And afterwards, after everyone has traveled so far to be 754 01:09:41,729 --> 01:09:48,689 with you and cry with you, you leave them to go somewhere else, far, far 755 01:09:48,689 --> 01:09:49,689 away. 756 01:09:58,350 --> 01:09:59,370 So what did you wish for? 757 01:10:02,590 --> 01:10:05,990 Database tells us whether or not we should marry, whether or not we should 758 01:10:05,990 --> 01:10:08,830 kids. Did everything I was supposed to do. 759 01:10:10,110 --> 01:10:12,310 How come I don't feel like a grown -up? 760 01:10:14,930 --> 01:10:15,990 You know what I thought? 761 01:10:16,450 --> 01:10:21,890 I always thought you were scheming for us to have a baby of our own in secret 762 01:10:21,890 --> 01:10:22,910 and raise it. 763 01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:30,560 ourselves, educated ourselves, raise it into a person outside an unknown system. 764 01:10:31,040 --> 01:10:32,580 I wish we could do that. 765 01:10:33,180 --> 01:10:34,860 Is that what you wished for? 766 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:41,120 I wish that you had gotten sick sooner so the insurance company would consider 767 01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:43,580 saving your life more cost effective. 768 01:10:50,140 --> 01:10:51,340 You need your medicine? 769 01:10:53,870 --> 01:10:57,390 I stopped taking the painkillers. You need to go to the hospital. 770 01:10:57,690 --> 01:10:58,910 I don't want to die alone. 771 01:11:01,090 --> 01:11:02,950 Who am I going to tell my stories to? 772 01:11:20,790 --> 01:11:22,250 I wasn't trying to escape. 773 01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:29,220 You have a stupid tag around my ankle and 774 01:11:29,220 --> 01:11:32,140 a chip in bed. 775 01:11:32,620 --> 01:11:33,660 My shoulder brace. 776 01:11:34,940 --> 01:11:36,660 I haven't had much of a life here. 777 01:11:39,740 --> 01:11:44,980 But you, you have a chance for more. 778 01:11:47,340 --> 01:11:49,020 You have a chance for a great life. 779 01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:53,040 Take it. 780 01:11:53,230 --> 01:11:54,230 Take it. 781 01:11:55,210 --> 01:11:58,990 Promise you'll be... be happy for you. 782 01:12:02,330 --> 01:12:03,710 Be happy for you. 783 01:12:04,970 --> 01:12:08,430 What we have is a promise that we shouldn't have made in the first place. 784 01:12:09,690 --> 01:12:10,710 We should... 785 01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:30,360 And it is true. 786 01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:01,400 My name is Fran Lind. 787 01:13:02,100 --> 01:13:04,640 I'm here to do the paperwork on your wife's death. 788 01:13:05,060 --> 01:13:07,180 Oh, yes. I've been expecting you. Please. 789 01:13:07,480 --> 01:13:09,380 My sincerest condolences. 790 01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:16,700 My husband passed on a few years ago. 791 01:13:17,040 --> 01:13:18,400 He was a punctual man. 792 01:13:18,700 --> 01:13:19,700 Please, sit down. 793 01:13:20,700 --> 01:13:24,560 Moving? Yes, it doesn't make much sense for one person to live here. 794 01:13:24,960 --> 01:13:28,780 You could always take on a boarder or a roommate. 795 01:13:33,260 --> 01:13:38,920 You don't have to walk around as if you were the very first people... I'm sorry. 796 01:13:39,140 --> 01:13:40,180 What did you say? 797 01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:42,860 You wanted me to sign something? 798 01:13:43,660 --> 01:13:46,820 Form GF976. 799 01:13:47,660 --> 01:13:48,660 Revision 7. 800 01:13:49,340 --> 01:13:50,480 That's very important. 801 01:13:50,820 --> 01:13:53,980 If this was revision 6, I'd have to come back. 802 01:13:54,620 --> 01:13:56,240 Well, we wouldn't want that, would we? 803 01:14:00,590 --> 01:14:02,610 Oh, I wonder, could you do me a favor? 804 01:14:03,730 --> 01:14:10,070 I was going through my wife's things, and I found this, and I'm not 805 01:14:10,070 --> 01:14:14,890 quite sure what agency it should go to. 806 01:14:32,010 --> 01:14:33,850 I think I've read this before. 807 01:14:34,090 --> 01:14:35,090 Are you all right? 808 01:14:35,910 --> 01:14:39,210 The whole purpose for this instructional is to dissipate. 809 01:14:40,910 --> 01:14:41,910 Dissipate. 810 01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:44,350 I forgot what I was trying to say. 811 01:14:46,310 --> 01:14:47,650 I'm sure it'll come back to you. 812 01:14:55,270 --> 01:14:57,230 This book saved my marriage. 813 01:15:02,220 --> 01:15:03,840 My sincerest condolences. 814 01:15:04,820 --> 01:15:06,220 It was nice to meet you. 815 01:15:08,420 --> 01:15:10,500 Have you thought about what you'll do now? 816 01:15:10,900 --> 01:15:12,780 Um, travel? 817 01:15:13,120 --> 01:15:15,040 I don't know. Is it hard to get a travel permit? 818 01:15:15,620 --> 01:15:16,620 Yes. 819 01:15:18,940 --> 01:15:19,940 Yes. 820 01:15:46,190 --> 01:15:47,310 be here if you try to visit. 821 01:15:49,010 --> 01:15:52,630 By the time you read this, I'll have moved on. 822 01:15:53,970 --> 01:15:57,110 My prison shouldn't be your prison. 823 01:15:58,370 --> 01:15:59,570 I'll be in a better place. 824 01:16:00,690 --> 01:16:02,610 Love him while you can. 825 01:16:04,850 --> 01:16:06,110 And live for the two of us. 58729

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.