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Zulu
Make America great again.
Why am I walking around wearing a MAGA hat? Make America great again.
Because as much as I hate to admit, Trump and I agree on one way to make
great. With a caveat, though. I don't agree with the totality of his
just specifically space exploration.
It's what I'm most interested in. My administration is reclaiming America's
heritage as the world's greatest space -faring nation.
Make America great again?
With a caveat?
There are definitely caveats.
A lot of them.
So you have to take it all into account.
Fuck that, dude.
I know, but did you read the whole shirt?
No, no, we didn't.
Let me clarify the shirt.
You see, there's...
The asterisk. While I believe space exploration can make America great
do not endorse the president's views on the following.
Race, economic policy, religion, science, history, education, basic math,
foreign affairs, domestic affairs, common decency, validity of the 2016
election. You're full of shit. I'm not. You're full of shit and you know what
you're doing. Excuse me. I'm talking about... It's just the space thing. I
us to aim for space. It's the rest of the stuff that I'm... Well, have a good
day.
I feel like an asshole.
I feel like an asshole.
Space, the final frontier, and a place America has always come in first.
This year marks 50 years since we put a man on the moon. It was an American leap
that changed mankind forever, and it brought together Americans with a shared
optimistic view of the future during a time of political division, protest, and
harsh acid trips.
Today, we could really use a dose of that unity and optimism.
I am on a mission to see if space can make America great again. And if it
What will it look like?
We are in Houston.
From Houston, we have a problem of fame.
And here's one of them. We're spending less than 1 % of our budget on NASA.
America's landing more astronauts on McDonald's than on Mars.
Are we, as a country, falling behind?
If you really want to know what's going on with the space program, you don't ask
a bigwig. You ask a guy who spent 520 days on the International Space Station.
That man is Scott Kelly.
Captain Scott Kelly is an astronaut with a ton of accomplishments.
Besides living in space so long his literal body changed, he piloted the
shuttle Discovery, spacewalked to repair the Hubble telescope, and always called
Bay when he lands.
I've always dreamed of being an astronaut and want to be inspired by the
grandeur of space travel and also get day drunk with a spaceman.
Thank you. Space dust number two. That's right. What does American
exceptionalism mean to you in light of our space program?
Well, I think having a space program that is robust, a space program that is
visible to the world and the public is... part of the American brand.
I think if we don't maintain it, it would be a disaster of a mistake because
how the world looks up to this country. When China lands something on the far
side of the moon, that makes us sit back and think, hey, should we be doing a
little bit more? Maybe, right?
This year, the Chinese were the first to ever land a probe on the far side of
the moon. Next, they're planning on building a permanent lunar base and a
mission to Mars.
Meanwhile, what is America doing? They're handing over our rocket keys to
bunch of zany billionaires. I don't like it. I prefer my American icons to be
humble government employees with flags on their sleeves, earning minimum wage.
Are we giving something over when we privatize space travel? I'd love for
American flag to be planted on Mars. Yeah. But I'm afraid it might have a
picture of Jeff Bezos on it or a Tesla insignia.
I mean, at NASA, it's a huge bureaucracy. So many people required to,
check things and sign off on things. You'll have a meeting over something
small, and there might be 100 people in the room.
Well, SpaceX, you can be more efficient.
I'm skeptical about this whole billionaires control space thing, or any
Bezos sex toy. But before I dismiss these space sultans, I want to confront
So I'm heading to the Hawaiian ranch of mega -millionaire Hank Rogers.
He made his fortune bringing Tetris from Russia to the USA.
Now he's in the private rich guy space race. He has an energy lab and owns a
Mars habitat atop an active volcano that NASA has used to run psychological
experiments. I've never met an evil supervillain before.
Why can't I be a good guy?
You do have a secret research facility on the side of a volcano.
That's villain stuff.
It's not a secret.
I figured out my missions in life. First one is end the use of carbon -based
fuel. Mission number two is to end war. And space is the third mission, and it's
to make a backup of life on Earth.
I love that number two on that list is end war. When you say make a backup,
does that mean?
It means get life started somewhere else in a way that is self -sustaining.
I'm in the computer game business, or I was.
You make backups.
65 million years ago, the dinosaurs went away. Why?
Because they were too stupid to make a backup. You're blaming dinosaurs for not
downloading their entire existence out to a little hard drive and saving it?
saying that we are as dumb as the dinosaurs if we don't make a backup.
You got Bezos, you got Musk, you got Branson. They're all working on
What do you got going on? Yeah, so all these guys are working on building
airplanes, and I'm working on building airports.
That's the way I look at it. You can't have an airplane without an airport.
Musk is building that big plane. You're like... I'm saying, I'm going to build
you the landing pad. This is your big dream, to build a LaGuardia in the sky.
But how much is a bottle of water going to cost?
But Hank's not just throwing money at the little things, like interplanetary
airports and creating replicas of human life.
He's also spending part of his fortune on a tangible, up -and -running,
simulated Mars habitat called High Seas.
Hank also has some more traditional rich guy investment, like a Tesla and a
Victoria's Secret angel wings he wears to Burning Man.
My burner name is Icarus. You know that doesn't end well.
So, why can't he just leave the space stuff to NASA?
The way the government does things is ridiculous.
NASA works on a four -year cycle, and then whoever comes next says, oh, you
what, the idiot that told you to do that in the previous administration, I'm
going to do something different. It's like a rudderless boat. What we need is
consistency. We need a vision that says, 15 years from now, we're going to do
that.
And, you know, private industry can do that. So you need people like Elon Musk
or an authoritarian government.
Space programs need consistent long -term planning, and a constantly
government is not ideal.
Mai Tai, please.
The problem with a government -run space program like NASA is that every four to
eight years, the government changes.
Ooh, did I say Mai Tai? Let's keep it light. Let's make a vodka soda.
When a new president comes in or when Congress passes a brand new budget, NASA
has to adapt.
Did I say vodka soda?
I'm a beer guy.
Give me a beer.
Thanks to our robust democracy, politicians are able to redefine NASA's
before they can even get off the launch pad.
Send it back. I'll take something else.
Pina colada. I'll take a pina colada.
Scratch that. A Negroni. Maybe just a pop. Sorry, a soda.
No, a pop. A pop and soda. Or just a moon mirror. A lunar module. Maybe just
trip past Saturn. Let's just go around the block. Maybe just go outside and do
something silly. Something crazy. We won't tell our wives.
A water. I'll take a water.
Meanwhile, a country like China can commit to an unimpeded, fully funded, 30
-year plan to colonize Mars.
Oh.
I love one of those.
Oh, I had to order this in 1993.
Ladies, a lift -off!
Let's take a Mai Tai.
Bumpy road ahead.
Oh, here we go. And it, like, I can't drive too slowly on this. Yeah.
If I look nauseous, I'm pretending it's for comedic effect.
I want to make America great again. Strong asterisk. And if enlisting the
-rich is the path, I'm going to experience it.
So I'm heading to Hank Rogers' very own evil lair, located atop a volcano where
his villainous plan... Why does it have to be a villain?
Fine. His research focus stimulated Mars Colony. There it is.
All right. Welcome to Mars.
We made good time.
Originally built by NASA, High Seas is a laboratory where humans are the lab
rats. With the help of Hank's millions, scientists here are trying to find out
how to keep Mars explorers alive in an inhospitable void.
This is your home for six people for up to a year sometimes in this dome.
Wow. It's like 13 New York apartments.
Astrobiologist Michaela Musilova oversees this facility where they've
the psychological effects of space travel.
I mean, can I ask the obvious question?
Mm -hmm. How close are we to the type of technology that allows us to drink our
own urine?
Various recycling systems are actually already in place.
Great. Thanks for the update.
But studies show it may take more than drinking our own piss to get to Mars.
According to NASA, one of the most critical elements to a long -term
crew cohesion, a .k .a. not killing each other. Right now, we can barely manage
that on Earth.
But Michaela has some ideas.
So at the very beginning, you know, most people don't know each other that well.
I mean, you will go through training together, but there might not be really
time to just...
Sit around, chat. And you can't exactly do it over beers here, unfortunately.
There's no alcohol. No alcohol, no drugs of any sort allowed.
You know, games are always fun. Different types of icebreakers. Games
alcohol? Yes.
One thing we did, we organized culture nights.
Different person would present their country, their traditions, things like
that. You want to trap them into friendship.
Encourage them into friendship. Whatever you want to call it.
I call it trapping them into friendship, but whatever. Let's go.
Let me show you a little presentation about my culture. I'm from Slovakia. Do
you know where in the world that is?
It's in Eastern Europe.
Central Europe. Central Europe.
It's in old Eastern Europe.
So I'll show you what we are known for. We have the most castles per capita in
the world, supposedly.
On Easter time, boys and men go around with these giant whips and whip women.
And the women have to reward them with chocolates or money if it's men.
Now I know why you want to go to Mars.
Michaela and High Seas have discovered a mysterious interstellar force called
not being a dick.
Harnessing technology like this could bring us one step closer to great again.
Now, it's Mars time.
Ready to go to the surface of Mars?
Yeah, why not?
Okay, do you want to do the honors?
Is it locked? Now unlock it, yep.
All right.
Thank you.
Don't forget to close the airlock door. My bad.
We got to close the airlock door.
Everybody's dead.
If we ever stepped foot on Mars, It will be because of the collective action of
our planet, audaciously daring to invest in science and progress, staring into
the unknown abyss and boldly declaring... Okay.
Yeah? Let's do it.
So just be careful, it's going to be a bit slippery.
Do you think we'll see humans on Mars in our lifetime?
I hope so. I think we should. I think there's a lot of reasons to.
Developing the technology just to get there, you know, doing the hardest.
Things we can possibly do makes us better at solving problems.
And then there's, you know, the human experience about, hey, we are explorers
nature. I mean, we're always looking for, hey, what is that next challenge?
is that next thing?
How do we get there? What do we need to get there? What kind of technologies do
we need to get there? Who do we need to send? I mean, this has existed
throughout our existence.
We are restless explorers, determined to plant our flag and proclaim to the
universe, I am here.
Here. Here.
Here. Here.
Google how hard Mars is.
Today I go to space.
Camp. The future of space exploration won't look like its past.
Any Mars mission will probably be the result of NASA and a private space
company, and will require collaboration with many other nations.
In making America great again, big -ass asterisk, what will that look like? The
grizzled Ed Harris fate of the past?
Well, not according to NASA.
Hi, Alyssa, nice to meet you. Alyssa, nice to meet you.
Is this the future of space travel?
Meet 18 -year -old Alyssa Carson.
If America's going to regain its pole position in the space race, we're going
need to start training yesterday.
It takes some folks a lifetime and a few false starts to figure out their true
calling. But there are others who find it starting at a young age simply by
looking skyward. There's billionaires, governmental space agencies, and then
there's people like Alyssa. Self -funded, almost DIY, and on a literal
You want to go to Mars?
Pretty much, yeah. Mars is the ultimate goal.
She'll do whatever it takes to get herself on NASA's radar, or anyone
definitely want to keep my options open, because I was like, whoever's going to
Mars, I'll go to Mars with you. I think that the next generation, we're just
like that generation who's going to be able to see someone walk on Mars.
So you're part of the Mars generation.
Am I part of the Mars generation?
I mean, I think you'll be around for, you know, at least another 10, 12 years
or... How old do you think I am?
Perhaps this is the America of the future, where one generation can walk
the next and not be intimidated to have far fewer patches on their flight suit.
You've already thought all this through.
Yeah, I got it all laid out when I'm going to do what. So I gained my SCUBA
certification. I'm also working on my pilot's license to get some flight
experience, microgravity training, spacesuit training, water survival,
decompression, G -force, geology training, and Iceland. I can speak four
languages, English, French, Spanish, and Chinese. I have my applied astronautics
degree, so that was basically a certification for suborbital
You're certified for suborbital spaceflight. Correct.
I know you needed a passport to go to Italy. Wow. It's kind of important.
Whatever. She's still far too young to pound beers with an astronaut.
Hoppy enough for you? It's hoppy. I like it. Yeah.
The future fuse simulates the environment that a fighter pilot or an
may experience during flight. And it can reach up to 3 .2 Gs. That's three times
your body weight. It's like if I had three clones bullying me and sitting on
of me at once. Basically.
While I've wanted to be an astronaut since I was a kid, too, I never really
thought about how you become an astronaut.
Easy.
A little claustrophobic in here.
I'm going to bring the ramp down now.
Jesus.
I just like this already.
All right, guys, here we go.
Lucy, it feels like you're, like, taking off.
Yeah.
We're picking up some speed now. We're headed towards 3G.
Oh, my goodness.
This is beautiful.
I tried to play it cool.
It was not the best interview I've ever done.
What are some of the personal issues you'll have to deal with with extended
space flight? I felt like I was choking down vomit most of the time during that
interview.
which is a unique sensation.
I mean, I've had that a few times talking to folks from the NRA, but that
for totally different reasons.
I thought the future generation was just Julie and Xboxing and BTSing. Keep it
going.
We couldn't be where we are today without the older generation's wrist.
So I just need to channel that.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, no, that's... Okay, okay,
okay. Okay, okay, stop, yeah.
Alyssa has the spinny stuff down cold, but I know I can help her with some
-centric inspiration that she's sure to appreciate.
Did you get the reference?
Like, spaceman?
Is that a thing?
I'd say more Starman.
If you're going to see if there's life on Mars, I think this is the way to do
it. So this spacewalk, you're going to be repairing an ammonia tank that's on
board the ISS.
Oh, I'm flying.
And you know what? If all of that was wrong, and we didn't get any value out
going to Mars, if the only thing we got was that kids in this country, and also
around the world, think to themselves, you know what?
I need to pay attention to math and science because I want to work for NASA
someday. And they might not.
Then they're going to go on and do great things as a scientist or an engineer.
And these are the most important career fields for our country.
So it's like the world's most lovely con job.
I wouldn't say con job.
I mean, I'm saying a lovely con job.
It's close.
I will say, in all honesty, I think if there's going to be a faith of the
future, On another planet, I'd like it to be your face.
That means a lot.
It sounded weird because I was so face -focused on that.
Yeah. Send for me when you guys have, like, your first Whole Foods set up.
let you know when it happens.
You go ahead because I feel a little exposed in the back.
All right.
For
those
chanting to make America great again, it feels less like a patriotic cheer.
and more a deserved invitation to get your ass kicked. But if Trump really
to get to MAGA by going to Mars, then he's actually asking America to do the
following. Advocate for women in sciences.
Fund substantial long -term projects over short -term political stunts. Build
trust and collaborate with other nations.
And that's a platform I can get behind.
No asterisk.
But what's the ultimate payoff to looking back at our planet from millions
miles away?
You definitely get a different perspective when you look at Earth from
than you do when you look at Earth when you're standing on it. Yeah, what's that
like? It's an incredibly breathtakingly beautiful place, and I think we take it
much for granted. And having the perspective of looking out at Earth from
I think, changes people for the better. I think it makes you more empathetic.
to the human condition, to our planet. It's got its issues. It's got its scars.
When you're on a space station that costs $100 billion and you're looking
at this beautiful planet, if we can do this, how can we not solve that?
If we can get more people into space, even give more people this perspective,
think it'll be for the benefit of us all.
Would you put in a word for me with any of the...
Billionaire buddies or folks over at NAF, anybody who's got a ship that's
out?
If they ask me for recommendations on crew members?
Yes. Absolutely.
Really? As soon as they ask me, I'll mention your name. How often does that
happen? Never. It never happens? Never happens.
But if it did?
Might. And then you would?
If they asked, absolutely.
And the chances of that are?
Slim to none.
One, two, three.
For me, one giant... I'm just going to chill. Mankind can
wait.
Oh, shit.
I've seen the heat up in the sky And I've
watched it all
I'm 55 and I call it trouble.
Trouble's in my hands.
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