Original subtitles

What was that?

No idea.

Okay, that's either coming from you or someone just opened a mummy's tomb.

Oh, yeah.

That's me tummy.

He yells at me when he's hungry.

Well, I'm going to yell at you if I keep hearing ye tummy, so go get something

from the auto snacker.

Hey, Char.

Dare me to eat one of these things in this jar?

No. You're on!

I said no. I do not dare you to eat one. I can't believe you're daring me to eat

one of these things. You are crazy.

I'm not daring you.

I'll do it, though.

Jasper, don't. We don't even know what those things are.

Here I go.

You're thick, lady.

I have to. Charlotte dared me to.

Why would you do that, Charlotte?

I didn't. I said we don't even know what those things are.

Yes, we do.

Those are eggs for a creature I invented.

What kind of creature?

Oh, I took organic material left over from the alien space rock that crashed

Ray's head.

This is the one that's we are with.

And I combined it with DNA from an alligator, a honey badger, and a yank.

Why would you do that?

Charlotte dared me to.

No,

I didn't! You're thick, Charlotte.

So, what would have happened if he had eaten one of those alien eggs?

It would have grown in Jesper's tummy, hatched, eaten its way out, and left him

with a nice big hole right there.

He yells when you draw on him.

Hey, Schwad.

If those things are so dangerous, maybe you should have, well, I don't know,

labeled the jar.

I couldn't find the label maker.

Did you look for it?

No.

Come on, I'll help you find it. Oh, yay.

Do you want me to help you guys?

No.

Yes, but the liquid surrounding those eggs is highly toxic. You should

go wash your hands.

You daring me to wash my hands?

What? Fine, I'll do it!

You crazy swats dare me to wash my hands? You are so bad!

What, what, I didn't dare. God, I...

Man, what is it about fighting the Burrito Brothers that makes

me stupid hungry?

Stupid starving.

I mean, is it the name? I am stupid starving. Because right now I am the

word for hungry. Or the Spanish word for food. I could literally eat a fully

grown Spanish person right now.

Are these lychee? I think it's lychee, dude. You know, the fruit that you can

eat keeps saying lychee. Right now, I could eat a whole bunch of lychee.

I get down this whole jar of lychee while you stand there and say something

I don't care about at all.

I'm starving. I'm eating a lychee.

Wait. What?

This is a bad idea. Why?

Because, dude, you don't even know how good I am at catching food in my mouth.

I am also very good at catching food in my mouth. I feel like I'm probably a

little bit better. Well, you say that about everything, and you're almost

wrong.

You want to go? You want to go? Let's do this thing.

Okay, okay, okay. Here we go. Let's go. Here we go. Here we go. All right. I'm

ready. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Here we go. Here

we go. Ready? Uh -huh.

Here it goes.

Okay. My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad. No problem, no problem, no problem. You

got plenty of leek cheese. Ah, it's my nice light cheese. Yeah, for me to

disagree cheese.

It's a numbers game. Here we go. There we go. We're getting close.

One, two, three.

I honestly thought we'd be a bit better at this.

You thought we would have caught one by now. Yeah.

Well, it's the last light cheat, so let's make it count. All right, I'm

for it. This is the one. I can feel it. All right. Don't mess up the throw,

okay? Dude, don't mess up the catch. My throws are gold. Yeah, fool's gold.

What?

What are you guys doing?

Quiet, Charlotte. I'm about to catch a lead cheat. Pronounce light cheat.

No!

What was close?

If you had eaten that, an alien would have... And I'm no longer listening.

-second rule.

Oh. I always forget how much I hate leachies. Ah, me too, dude. They're

Those aren't leachies.

Can't you read the sign that I didn't put on the jar?

Those are alien eggs.

Huh? Those are alien eggs. Huh? Those are alien eggs.

Oh, that's what I thought he said.

Schwoz told us if you eat one, it'll grow and hatch inside your stomach.

Schwoz, did I just get pregnant with an alien baby?

We won't know for sure for a couple of days.

We know for sure.

You're pregnant.

Congratulations.

I wanted an after school job, but then an indestructible superhero hired me to

be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good.

Checking my bladder. I gotta pee every five minutes.

Suck of it!

Relax. It's only been a couple of days.

Uh, excuse me?

Have you ever been pregnant?

No. Then maybe don't tell the pregnant man to relax.

I'm sorry.

What's this?

It's pizza with peanut butter on it, like you asked.

Uh, I asked! I asked for Henry to bring me Chinese food. Yeah, but when he

didn't come back fast enough, he asked me to get pizza with peanut butter on

And you threw your boot at me.

I'll go find Henry.

No, take the pizza away. We just said you didn't want it.

I'll go find Henry.

Oh, so good.

Hiding from Ray. The alien pregnancy is making him crazy.

And it's only going to get worse.

What was that?

What was that noise?

You need to get out there.

Ray's furious you haven't come back with his Chinese food yet. That's why I'm

hiding. The Chinese place is out of the greasy food that Ray wants. Why?

That's not a thing.

It is.

I just figured out a way to turn the restaurant grease into expensive

So now someone's...

12 of you.

Scientists are the worst. Right? How dare you say that?

Instead, the greasy food that Ray liked, all I could get was this.

A salad?

Ray's not going to eat that. I know, that's why I'm hiding in the elevator.

What are you guys doing in here?

I found Henry.

Oh, my Chinese food, finally.

Okay, yeah.

I don't want you to get mad, but I... Oh, I know. I know I've been so terrible

lately. I'm sorry.

It's just this alien pregnancy is making me feel all the feelings. I know you

guys all hate me, but it's not my fault.

I'm trying my best, but what is this, Henry?

I asked for fried food.

I know, but see, they were out of... Can you not... Can you not understand that?

Ah, I can understand that. I...

Just got a text from my pop.

Nobody says, ah, snap anymore.

I still do. Anyway, peep this. My dad is building a roller skating rink

in the backyard, and I have to go help him do that? So, dude,

I'm Audi 5000.

Audi 5000?

You always use outdated slang when you're lying to me.

That's whack.

Dude, I'm giving you the straight good -good here, Holmes. Kill it.

Wait, wait, wait, Harry.

Rub my feet.

Uh, I can't. You got a bizarre stuff to do?

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, like, 50?

Wave. Ednaud.

Wow. Who are you talking to?

One sec.

No one.

I'm pretending to be on the phone so that Dad doesn't ask me to help him in

backyard. What's he doing in the backyard?

Blasting K -pop and building a roller skating rink.

Wait. Is he really building a roller skating rink? Because I literally just

that up as an excuse to get out of work. Wow, you really just made that up as an

excuse to get out of work? Why are you making fun of me?

I'm just saying the normal thing.

I'm just trying to communicate with my sister. I'm sorry.

Hey, Henry.

Piper. Want to come out back and...

50? Oh, sorry.

Still on the phone.

Hey, Henry, you want to come skate with me?

In the backyard?

I can't believe you actually made a roller skater rink in the backyard.

You better believe it, home skillet. Now I just gotta learn how to dance on

skates and my midlife crisis will be over.

That makes me uncomfortable, so I'm gonna change the subject.

Please do.

Uh, so, uh, how did you deal with Mom's mood swings when she was pregnant?

Hmm. As you know, Oh, that was back when I was a Navy SEAL, so I wasn't around

much. It was tough on your mom, but when I wasn't overseas... Oh, hold up, hold

up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. I gotta, uh, I gotta go to work. I

thought you just got back from work.

Uh, I did, but, uh... I don't get it. If you just came home from work, why do

you have to turn around and go right back? I'll call you back. Because I,

How's it going with the skating rink?

It's going... wheelie good.

Yep.

Fry me a river?

No, freeze on earth.

Ah.

You gotta go stop them.

Uh, okay. Is that, uh, is that wreath salad?

He didn't want it. And it's a good salad.

You know, whenever I eat healthier, I just feel so much better about it.

Say you want salad, Charlotte!

I know! That's why I was eating it!

This place is a mess!

Is that crouton?

got double C thick.

Uh, for your information, I'm not double C thick.

I'm capital P pregnant.

You are pregnant?

He had an alien egg. It's growing inside of him. He's being kind of a gunch

about the whole thing.

What did you say about me?

Hmm? Recycling. Club taking.

Right. On my way. All right, kid. I'll meet you there. Ah!

Ah!

Oh, big guy, you okay?

It's not the floor, Crouton.

You're in labor.

You're about to give aliens back.

This is amazing.

Don't look at me.

Try to get some towels.

Yes, but put on some car TV.

They're having an alien baby.

Sorry, kid.

You're going to have to handle this thing by yourself.

No problem. I got a great entrance line.

I'm going to walk right up to them and say, you probably think you're stupid.

You did this to me!

Stay when I get there.

I gotta run.

Yeah, just give me two minutes and I'll be ready to go.

Go where?

To Greece on Earth. It's crime fighting time.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Captain Man's having an alien baby.

You need my help. No, I do not. You just stay here and cover for me.

this great idea for a crime -fighting character. You're not coming, Piper. I

this Viking helmet, these roller skates, and this dope hoodie that says Rollin'

Thunder. Guess what I'm gonna call myself. I'm absolutely not gonna guess

you're gonna call me.

Rollin' Thunder!

I need you to stay here.

Oh, fine. Okay, promise me.

Cross my hizzy hope to dizzy.

Hizzy? That's outdated slang. You're lying, aren't you?

Yeah.

You know what? Fine. You can come.

Let's hit the bricks, doll.

Now you're lying. Yep. Love you. Bye. Oh, come on.

Yep.

Yeah.

All right. That's enough grease. We got to get out of here.

Hey, we can't leave yet. We got five more barrels to steal.

You're coming too far, sir, but you're taking too many risks. We just need this

one last grease heist. We finally got us enough money to go to medical school.

I don't know.

Oh, come on, Freddy.

I mean, that's why we started stealing grease to begin with.

To save lives.

You guys must think you're pretty slick.

What? Yeah, what? I said, you guys must think you're pretty

slick.

We don't get it. Are we missing something?

Pretty slick.

Because you're stealing grease, grease is notoriously slick.

So, yeah.

Maybe you care to reevaluate my wordplay.

Where's Captain Man?

He's giving birth.

What? Yeah, what? I said he's giving birth to an alien baby.

But right now, I'm about to deliver some justice to you guys.

That's right, more wordplay.

Aw.

Thanks, now they're armed.

I still got my back.

Okay, now I don't know what to do.

gummy worm cheeseburger you wanted. Oh, thank you, my sweet boy. Oh, you can't

defecate. No!

Why?

Because normally this alien baby would burst out of your stomach, but since

you're indestructible, there's only two ways for it to exit out of your body.

I'm guessing it will come out of your mouth.

But, uh, what if it doesn't come out of his mouth?

Well... I'm out of here.

Please don't leave me. You're the only normal one here.

Yeah, that's why I'm leaving.

I'll give you a raise.

Don't give me the man copter. I'll give you whatever you want. Just tell me what

you want and I'll give it to you.

I'll take a raise.

Done.

I'm out of here too.

See ya.

Okay, fine. I'll stay.

Schwartz, you're going to get this thing out of me.

I've got to go help Henry. He could be in trouble.

Oh, I'm sure he's fine.

Open your mouth and say ah.

And then, after we go to

medical school, and of course, we have a two to four year residency program.

Depending on our area of specialization.

That's correct.

After that, we start our own practice.

Shut up!

Uh, usually, yeah, but most of the time people don't see this part.

Oh, I'm sorry, but are we boring you with this incredibly detailed

of our tenure plan?

Yes! Zap us or let us go!

Uh, I vote no zapping.

Either way, just stop talking!

We could get some salads. Eating healthy feels good.

No! Okay, you are going to hear our plan on streamlining the billing process for

medical insurance.

Oh, my God, I can't take this!

Roller!

What are you doing? I'm trying to kick the laser out of his hand.

It's not going to work.

Yes, it will.

I'm helping.

If you want to kick a laser out of a guy's hand, you've got to go like this.

It's back to the crib you're lying again.

I sure am.

No. You can't just...

Another idea.

Hold on to your lychee.

It's pronounced lychee.

Oh,

so cute.

And I'm okay.

I got Chinese food.

Oh, yes. I can eat. Come on, eat up.

Whoa.

That's from Jasper's face.

That is my son.

i think it's a girl that is my daughter