Original subtitles

Turn it on, please.

Best $200 ,000 I ever spent.

Whoa. How much?

Ah, you got me. That was $300 ,000.

Let's hang this beast of a masterpiece.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you missed. I just got you again. No, you

didn't. You're guarding.

I'm not guarding. You're guarding. I got you both. No, I didn't.

Stop guarding.

Stop guarding.

Stop guarding.

Stop guarding.

Stop guarding. You're not guarding.

Stop guarding.

Time out. Cease fire. Cease fire.

Why? I don't want to cease. We want to fire.

Oh, well.

Uh -huh.

Heart emoji.

Crying face.

Piper is sleep texting. It's dangerous to wake her up when she's sleep texting.

She gets punchy. And bitey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Turn it off.

Turn it off. Turn it off. Hey, Charlotte, what's up?

Okay, so Ray wanted me to call you. Don't tell Henry to get down here now.

him to hurry up. Well, you can talk about the painting. I'll tell him to

bagels.

Did you get any of that?

They want me to come to work with a painting of bagels?

Just get down here, okay?

Hey.

Hey, hey.

They need us down at work.

What? You're going to work? Yeah.

Sorry, bud. I got a job. But we were playing. I know, champ. Listen, we'll

after work, okay?

I don't want to play after work. I want to play now.

Now wake up your daughter.

I feel like we could do something.

Yeah.

Let's go at the back. Good idea.

Hey, man, your painting came?

That looks sick.

Whoa, am I floating baby angel? Playing guitar.

But the painting isn't important right now.

What's important is tunnels.

Tunnels. Check this out, you guys.

Whoa.

What's so exciting about tunnels?

Get out. Just leave or you're going to ruin this.

I thought we were going to hang that sick painting of me, right? But when I

to hammer the spike into place, this hole opened up and tunnels.

Where does it go?

The question is, Henry, where does it go? That's what he asked.

Strike two, buddy.

So I was just figuring out where it goes right now. It's got a drone in there

mapping it all out.

Oh, a lot more tunnels than I thought. Watch out! The drone is coming back!

I think that's Swellview.

Strike three. Where'd that hammer go?

Oh, wait.

Yes, but it's right. The tunnels run underneath all of Swellview.

Two and a half.

No such thing as half a strike.

Now you're back to three, chief. One more strike and you're in the penalty

What sport is this?

Tunnels. They run under my house, our school, all 14 locations of Nacho Ball.

So who built these things?

A professional need.

Who built these things?

And the answer is, I don't care. Let's take a tunnel to Nacho Dang Ball!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what, what, what, what, what?

Oh, guys, we get to go running into tunnels?

I mean, we don't know who built these things or who could be hiding inside.

I mean, where's Charlotte? If Charlotte were here, she'd be crossing her arms

and saying, I don't know about this, guys.

You guys!

Or she'd say that.

This

underground

air is great for my skin.

Yeah, I was going to say that. You look great. I know.

I could not have been more wrong about these tunnels.

You were so wrong. I was wrong.

It takes like no time to get anywhere when you're going in a tunnel.

surface streets, we never would have made it to Nacho Ball, Six Falls Over

Swellview, the movies, and another Nacho Ball.

What? Ray voted.

Twice. In the same election.

And guys, it's not even noon.

We should stop calling these tunnels and start calling them funnels. Am I right?

Because of how much fun they are.

Uh, guys?

All I know is that there is absolutely no downside to these tunnels.

None. At all.

Guys!

Hey, look, a downside.

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick. Now we blow bubbles and

fight crime.

Feels good.

Looks like a bunch of mole people, dude. It is a bunch of mole people.

Same ones that blew up the man cave.

Yeah, but that was like one mole guy.

This is like a bunch of mole people, dude.

Mole people are everywhere!

My mom always said that mole people would sneak into my room at night if I

didn't eat my dinner.

She's right, we do.

Seriously? Look, I don't care what anybody does in Jasper's bedroom.

What I do care about is that you mole people are in our tunnels.

Now get out of here!

Your tunnels?

Yeah. Our mole fathers dug these tunnels centuries ago.

Well, we found them hours ago, so that means they're ours.

Yeah, because that's how America works.

I'm so sorry. Not anymore.

Get out of our tunnels!

What if we say no?

What are you going to do about it, Harry Underwood?

I'm afraid of the dark. Well, there's light now.

Sometimes it's just nice to be held.

All right.

Time to mash up some guacamole. Everybody just relax.

Okay?

Why can't we just share the tunnels?

Yeah, there's gotta be a way for both of us to use these.

Well, you could pay them all tax.

What?

You pay us money every week and we let you use the tunnels.

Okay.

How much?

Yo, while they're talking.

sense i feel like you don't sure i do got 10 cents right here

in my pocket why don't one of you mole people who blew up my man cave walk

your little mole feet over here and get it you don't don't do this right now

that's right i'm reaching into my pocket and pulling out a nice i'm begging you

shiny god

Who cares?

We won.

And again, zero downside.

Didn't expect you guys all to stop staring at me like that.

What do you want, surface jerk?

Surface jerk?

Yeah. You walk on the surface and you're a jerk.

So you're a surface jerk, you surface jerk.

You're the ones in my living room in the middle of the night.

How does it feel to have a bunch of us invade your space, huh?

I do not like it.

Watching loud TV.

It's the middle of the night.

Change it to quiet TV.

Good idea.

You most got to get out of here.

Oh, do we? Yeah.

Well, guess what?

I have a we'll get out of here card right here in my pocket.

Wow.

Why don't you come closer and I'll give it to you. Okay.

Yeah, I know what you're trying to do, and I'm sorry, all right? I told my...

Okay, fine.

You're just re -texting, okay? Right this way. I love you. Goodbye.

Now seriously, you mole people gotta get out of my house.

show off my painting. We're moving it down to the man cave.

Best $80 ,000 I ever spent.

How much?

All right, you got me. It was $90 ,000.

But it includes this bag of 400 AA batteries that takes the power of this

Listen, dude, there was mole people in my living room last night.

Mole people are the worst.

All right, so what are we going to do?

Dude, I can't have mold people in my house.

See, this is why I refuse to negotiate with analysts.

Uh, Ray?

Yeah?

Quit messing around, Schwoz. We've got to light my painting.

Where is your painting, dude?

Huh? Where is your painting, dude?

Those mole people just crossed the line.

Oh, but they didn't when they went into my house?

No.

So now that you're personally affected, you're going to help solve the problem?

Yes.

You want me to cancel your 1130 massage?

Yes.

There's a $10 cancellation fee.

Then no.

Scream the whole way here?

Yeah. It was for dramatic effect.

And it worked.

Now give me back my painting, Harry Poppins!

One more step, and we'll tear your beloved painting to shreds!

Oh, my day!

Don't you touch it!

Listen.

What if we promise to never use the tunnels again?

Okay, will you then give us our painting back and stop coming into our houses in

the middle of the night?

No!

really bad about that?

I feel like you don't.

But I've actually got an apology right here in my pocket. Wow, seriously?

So if you come a little closer, I'll give it to you.

So how are we going to fix this, huh?

I'll tell you how.

The mole way.

That does not tell me how.

Whatever, who's Ray fighting?

No, no, no, not him. We're scared of him.

We want to fight you.

Okay, sure, fine, whatever. Who am I fighting? You sure about this, kid?

dude, I got this.

I mean, they're mole people.

I'm very scared.

You will also have to fight blindfolded. Oh, come on!

Hey, not to be a diva, but I'm still tied up over

here.

We know.

Oh, you do? Okay, good.

Question,

are you planning to untie me?

Of course we are.

Great, great. Looking forward to that.

Tiny thing.

When do you think you will actually do the untying of me?

As soon as we finish saving Ray and Henry.

Cool, cool.

Do they need saving?

I'm sure they're gonna.

Because it just seems like you could, you know, untie me pretty quick, but...

You know more about this than I do, so... Yeah.

I spy with my little eye something that is scissors.

Oh, is it these scissors?

Yeah. Oh, great, I win.

Actually, Charlotte just blinded everybody with Spotlight.

And you punched Jasper.

Oh. Sorry, man. Your face is very mole -like in the dark. Right?

But hey, we got our tunnels back. Yeah!

And my painting.

Yeah, okay. That's kind of cool. Sure.

Look, why don't we celebrate by taking our tunnel to Nacho Ball?

What should we do with him?

Yeah, leave him.

He's got to go home and cry to his mama.

Old people never cry.

If we can't have our tunnels, no!

Should we be worried?

He'll be fine. He's indestructible.