Original subtitles

Okay, guys, you can wait right in here, and the vice mayor will be in to see you

shortly. Sounds good. Yeah, shortly.

Would you like some bottled water while you wait?

Nah, thanks. Water's gross.

Yeah, I'll have some bottled water.

Sure, would you like it cold or room temperature?

Why don't you surprise me?

Okay, I'll be right back.

Yes, I'll remain here.

Hey, what do you think this thing is?

Uh, that's just a paperweight.

Are you sure?

What's that good?

Hello there, Captain Man and Kid Dench.

Oh, your, uh, your paperweight, uh... Your paperweight failed.

Anyway, I have a seat, fellas. We need to have a little chit -chat. Yes. All

right. Seat right here. Let's chit.

Shit the old shacks, as they say.

Now... I've called you here because... Excuse me, Vice Mayor Willard. Ah,

of course.

Captain Man, your bottled water.

Ah, yes.

Thank you.

You said to surprise me with the temperature, so I put the bottle in the

microwave.

This is Cassie, my niece.

They took away my scissors.

That'll be all, Cassie.

So, Vice Mayor, what did you want to talk to us about?

Well, in a word, budget cuts.

That's two words.

You see, boys, the city of Swellview is low on money.

What? Why would Swellview be low on money? Two words. Our new high -speed

railroad.

He is terrible at counting words.

You see, our new high -speed rail project is costing the taxpayers $10

What? I know.

Pretty stupid, right? Yeah.

Anyway, we're building it.

So, that means we won't have money for other things, such as crime -fighting.

Which is why we're cutting your budget by 90%. 90 %? For what?

What is he saying? He's saying they're going to take away almost all the money

we get from the city, which we need to run our crime -fighting operation.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's some good news, too.

Look, I got you guys two tickets to our new high -speed railroad.

Nobody wants to ride on a railroad.

Good. Because it won't be ready until the year 2059.

I'll be long dead by then.

Cassie, get out of here. All right, all right, all right.

Calm down.

Settle down.

You're tickling my wrist.

Just take her to the basement.

Who would like some bottled water? No one. Not me.

Vice Mayor, you can't cut our budget by 90%. Sure I can.

I'm the Vice Mayor, not the nice mayor.

What? Yeah, but we need that money to run the man cave. You know, all that

equipment. And to buy fuel for the man copter. I mean, come on. How are we

supposed to fight crime and keep this city safe if you take away all of our

money? Good questions, for which I have no answer.

You boys want some strudel?

I'll see you, Cassie.

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime. Feels good.

Okay,

let's get started.

Today in the man cave, we're going to be talking about budget cuts.

What does it mean?

Charlotte? That our budget's been cut?

Yeah. And since the city of Swellview isn't going to be giving us nearly

money to fight crime anymore, we're going to need to make some changes

here. Oh, well, show them what you made me do to the snack machine. I was just

about to talk about that.

The auto snacker is no longer free, as I will now demonstrate.

Tuna pot pie.

Tuna pot pie, $15.

$15? All right, tuna pot pie, dude. Well, tough tuna.

We don't have enough money for employees to get free food anymore.

Now, next.

Going to the bathroom here will no longer be free. No way. That's illegal.

You're going to charge us to pee?

Well, yeah.

Stuff like water and toilet paper and cheese cost money.

Who eats cheese in the bathroom?

That's what I want to know.

Oh, I'm weird because I like eating cheese in the bathroom?

Okay, if we really try to save some money, then why don't we make Schwoz

using our crime -fighting budget to buy all kinds of crazy stuff for himself?

Yeah, Schwoz, you're always using the company credit card for your personal

self. No, I do not do that.

Oh, don't you?

Well, then why don't I just read off some of the things you spent our money

last month?

No, why do you pay me for me?

Okay, last month, Schwoz charged $350 for a gym membership to

some place called Fatness to Fitness.

I need it so I can get the big muscles.

Yeah, and how does you belonging to a gym help us fight crime?

Well, what if you and Ray get captured? I might have to spring into action.

Okay,

okay. And how many times have you actually been to this gym you joined?

I don't know.

Months? Yeah.

When?

Tomorrow.

All right, Schwoz, you're going to pay us back every dollar that you spent on

yourself. No, I don't have enough money to pay it all back.

Get a second job.

Hey, my dad's looking for a handyman to do some work around the house.

Hush up, I'm not doing that. Hush up, yes you are, Schwoz.

Why don't you make me... Put on a disguise, drive over to Henry's house,

do any job that Henry's silly father wants you to do.

Whatever money you make.

You bring it back here and you give it to me.

Maybe. What? Nothing. I didn't say nothing.

Ray, the vice mayor cut our budget by 90%. So? I know. So?

So you really think we're going to make that money back by paying for snacks and

by charging us to use the bathroom? And by making Schwarzberg part -time jobs?

No.

But I have an idea.

A way for us to make more money.

Why are you doing that with your tongue?

Captain Madden, Kid Danger. Thank God you're here.

Please, our daughter's stuck up in the tree.

Help! Get me down!

Kid, why don't you go ahead and climb up that tree, get the girl, and bring her

down here.

All right, I'm all over it.

How are you?

I'm going again. Go again.

Now, don't worry.

Kid Danger, we'll have your little girl down here in just a few minutes. Thank

you so much. Thank you, Captain Man.

And while we're waiting, we can go ahead and settle up your bill.

Our... our bill?

Mm -hmm.

Now, let's see.

We drove over here. That was a 22 -mile drive.

Wait, you're charging us money? To rescue our daughter?

Well, yeah.

I mean, you pay your gardener when he gardens your garden, don't you?

You pay your babysitter to sit with your babies?

So why would you complain about paying two superheroes for saving your

daughter's life?

Okay, there's no way we're paying you to rescue our child. No chance.

Oh, really?

Okay, she's coming down. No, no, no, kids, wait. Just wait a sec.

Oh, baby.

is done.

No, it's not done.

What are you talking about? They refuse to pay.

So we're putting the girl back up in the tree.

Come on, seriously. Girl, back in the tree. Okay,

I'm

finished.

It's finished?

Did you say you're already finished?

Yeah, yeah. You want to try it out? Oh, heck yeah, I do. You have no idea how

many years I've wanted to be able to dim my lights.

Okay, yeah, great.

Here I go.

Oh, man, it's like I'm on Star Wars.

That's enough.

Talk to anybody.

Oh, okay.

Oh, fine. I'll tell you why I'm upset.

Actually, now I'd rather not know why you're... So, you know how I'm having

girls for my class over here tomorrow for high tea?

No. Well, I am. And the interpretive dancer we hired canceled.

Well, why do you need an interpretive dancer?

Because you can't have high tea without classy entertainment.

And there's nothing classier than interpretive dancing.

Uh...

How much money were you girls going to pay this interpretive dancer?

A hundred bucks.

And for you.

Oh, Piper, this is Milos, our new handyman.

Yeah, yeah, but I'm also an interpretive dancer.

You are?

For a hundred bucks, I am.

Grace said we can't turn on the air conditioning because it costs too much

money.

What's wrong with Charlotte?

I think she has food poisoning.

I do have food poisoning!

I feel like I'm about to throw up.

Although, look at this.

Henry's father gave me some food to take home. You want some Indian seafood

chowder? No!

Get used to it.

Why do you have an alligator?

Because he crawled into the playground at Swellview Elementary School.

Yeah. Guess who had to go capture it? Us.

And then Ray charged the little kids 11 bucks to get him out.

I would have got more, but that's all they had.

Why did you bring him here?

Why didn't you take him to animal control?

Because there is no more animal control.

A dumb vice mayor cut their budget, too.

Guys, please don't let the alligator eat me.

Char, what's going on? What's wrong?

I ate bad meat from the auto snacker.

Why did the auto snacker have bad meat?

Because Ray told me to stock it with the cheapest meat I could find.

So what kind did you buy?

Expired. What?

not using air conditioning, babysitting alligators, taking money from little

kids, eating bad meat.

Oh, my God.

That's it. That's it.

What does what?

We're not taking this anymore.

We're going to go downtown.

We're going to march right into the vice mayor's office and tell him that he

better give us our full budget back or else we're going to

Why? So he doesn't kill you.

Got it.

I'm so

mad.

Yeah,

I see it.

Oh, my God.

Kid Danger.

So cute.

Hey.

What's up? Hi, Kid Danger.

Why are you in that stupid car?

Bye.

Yeah, why are we in Schwoz's stupid car?

Why can't we take the Man's Am?

Uh, because this car gets 52 miles per gallon. You know how many miles per

gallon the Man's Am gets?

One. What?

I'm sorry, okay? I just want the vice mayor to give us our money back, you

You know what?

Why don't we practice?

Practice? Yeah, like rehearse.

Okay, yeah. Like you be you and I'll be the vice mayor. Yeah, okay, yeah, I like

it. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. All right.

Okay, I'm going to go in there.

I'm going to go, listen, vice mayor.

Yeah, I'm going to point at him, grab his throat. No, no, no, don't grab his

throat. No, I'll just point at him and I'll say, well, we need that money,

I don't know.

It's like a bunch of used dental floss.

What the?

Is that Betty? Please help me!

Vice Mayor?

Look, Cassie, we just want to talk. Yeah, why don't you just tell us why

so upset, huh?

Sure.

I'm upset because my stupid uncle vice mayor said that from now on when I'm

at work, I have to pay.

Dude, I don't think that's such a good idea.

Don't worry, I got a plan.

Okay, well, what's your plan? Just play along with whatever I say. Okay.

What are you guys whispering about?

Uh, we're whispering about this pulse grenade!

And in 45 seconds, it's gonna blow this whole room to smithereens.

Reeds. What?

Smithereens. Smithereens.

Smithereens, but...

And then kaboom. Don't make us explode you.

I can't. He can't.

You better run. Yeah. Or you may never have lunch ever again.

Seven. Six.

pulse grenade go off oh god see i used my thumb here make it look like there

were only 45 seconds but i actually said it for two minutes and 45 seconds hey

hey come on can somebody please

pull me up

We would help you, but... See, since you cut our budget, we have to charge money

now for superhero... thing.

Well, how much to pull me up into my office?

Uh, let's see. That'll cost you... Our full budget.

What? Oh, come on.

Yeah.

If you want to be rescued, you've got to give us our full budget back.

Plus 10%. Plus 10%. And a boat. And a nice boat.

you can have your full budget back.

one of your shoes.

Oh, good.

Hey, who wants some bottled water?

Ah, Cassie, there's more to life than bottled water.

Hey, what's that beeping?

I don't know.

Uh, dude, did you forget to turn off the pulse grenade?