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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,480
The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.
2
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,200
We're looking for Don Campbell.
3
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,680
There's still a duffle bag of his
somewhere in the garage.
4
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,480
Ask the Kelsoc lot.
5
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,640
You're not six foot through that
door and you wanna change things?
6
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,680
No, no, no.
Who is it?
7
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,560
Now they want sixteen hundred pounds
or he's gonna tell Glen.
8
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,240
Who are ya?
9
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,280
Hello, Kirsty.
10
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,400
# LUIS MARIANO: C'est Magnifique
11
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,160
It was for a cruise.
12
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:43,160
You were blackmailing me...
for a cruise?!
13
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,680
I may have gone a tad far.
14
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,760
A tad? A fucking tad?!
Hold up.
15
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,280
How did you get hold of the photo?
16
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,040
After my departure...
from the old job,
17
00:00:55,080 --> 00:01:00,840
I saw you in the car. I-I suppose
I was envious of your...thing.
18
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,280
There was no thing.Why are you
saying there was a thing?
19
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:08,400
At first, I just wanted to shit you
up. But then life took a turn.
20
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:12,200
Sheila evicted me,
froze my bank cards.
21
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,160
I've been living in our caravan
ever since.Ian, you threatened me.
22
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,320
Well, you started it!
23
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,480
I was going to leave it alone
24
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,240
and then you sent me
that goading voice note.
25
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,680
So where does the fucking cruise
come in?
26
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:29,520
Well, I admit I became a little
fixated with our friendship, Lee.
27
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,320
But then I realised there was
a bigger underlying issue
28
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,640
that needed to be addressed.
29
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:41,120
And the money was to...pursue
that...hobby.
30
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,680
It was for a... A...
31
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,880
A what?
32
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,680
A Neptune Gay Cruise.
33
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,160
OK.
34
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,240
Right.
35
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,280
Oh.
36
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:05,760
So...because you've met me,
37
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,320
you've realised...
38
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:10,720
Finish your chips.
Sorry?
39
00:02:10,759 --> 00:02:12,760
Finish your fucking chips.
40
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,160
I fucked up a lot in my life.
41
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,720
I need to start putting it right.
42
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,680
And when I do, you're gonna delete
that photo from your phone. Yes?
43
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,520
Yes.
Because mark my word, Ian,
44
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,920
I swear as God
is my fucking witness...
45
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,040
What's happening?
I'm going to get you a bit of cock.
46
00:02:32,079 --> 00:02:34,320
Oh.
Ahem.
47
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,880
You are finish?
48
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,640
We're finish.
49
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,680
# THE TEMPTATIONS:
Papa Was A Rollin' Stone
50
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,440
# Wherever he laid his hat...
51
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,320
Open another one, then, Glen.
52
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,800
Mum, look what I've got!
53
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,000
Christ!
Mum! He took my bear!
54
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,440
Don, please, not today. Don.
55
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,240
Don, it's not fair on him!
56
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,360
Mum, he took my bear!
57
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,840
Don.
58
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,160
Don, it's not fair on him!
59
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,080
(BAG SCRUNCHES)
60
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,120
..it's not -
61
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,960
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
62
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,320
Oh, my god.
63
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,920
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
64
00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:52,079
(MUSIC STOPS)
65
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,040
(WINDOW WHIRRING)
66
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,240
All right? Nippy out.
67
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,000
How do you wanna do this?
68
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,800
Er...
69
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,640
Shall I start or...
70
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,519
(OWL HOOTS)
71
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,959
Erm, v-very well.
72
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,000
Is he joining in?
73
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,880
Don't worry about me, I'm just here
for moral support. You crack on.
74
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,920
Lee...I'm not quite sure that -
75
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,360
Ian, if you want a bit of saveloy,
you gotta get amongst it.
76
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,080
Well... Perhaps.
Although I do think -
77
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,400
Carpe fucking diem. In't that right?
78
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,040
Eh? Heh heh!
79
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,600
Yeah... Yeah, you know what?
I'm good.
80
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,159
(RAPID FOOTSTEPS AWAY)
81
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,600
He's probably not into gingers.
82
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,000
Hm.
83
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,040
# LESLEY GORE: The Party's Over
(DOOR OPENS)
84
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,560
All right, love? I'm back.
85
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:07,880
# The party's over
86
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,160
# It'a time to call it a da-
87
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,160
(GRUNTS) No!
88
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,560
No, no. Sorry, erm...
89
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,120
Sorry, it's just that
no-one's lit it since Mum.
90
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,600
Right. Is it for Lee? It says -
91
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,440
No, wrong envelope.
92
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,160
Oh, right.
93
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,720
Oh, is that a videotape?!
What's on it?
94
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,320
Nothing much, just old home video,
Christmas 1994.
95
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,760
Aww, let's see little Glen!
Aaaghh!
96
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,800
No, I'd rather not. It's just um...
97
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,240
..a bit weird seeing it as an adult.
98
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:44,120
Really?
Mm. It's not...how I remembered.
99
00:05:44,159 --> 00:05:47,000
Dad was erm... Yeah.
100
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,120
Oh, love.
Well, don't over-think it.
101
00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:54,200
Blokes back then, Glen, they were
all weird, weren't they?
102
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,760
You know, emotionally distant.
103
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,960
It's before they had podcasts.
104
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,440
Not with Lee, he weren't.
Bloody loved Lee.
105
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,480
Everyone always does.
106
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,200
Tea?
Hm?
107
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,000
Tea, do you want one?
108
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,040
Did you ever fancy him, Kirst?
109
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,880
My brother?
What?
110
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,720
Lee. It's alright, I won't mind.
111
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,560
No, Glen, I don't -
112
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,000
It's fine, Kirst. I mean, you know.
No, Glen, I don't -
113
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,040
It's alright, I think
a lot people probably -
114
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,960
I don't, Glen. No. I'm not into,
you know, all that.
115
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,480
(SCOFFS) I'm into you.
116
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,000
Do you remember when I kept going
117
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,280
'Why do the bins
smell like holiday?'
118
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,600
And it was cos you'd put
Summer Breeze air fresheners
119
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,720
under the bin bag. Who does that?!
120
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,120
You. You're wonderful.
121
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,200
And I have got a little surprise
for you anyway.
122
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,360
A little surprise for me. What?
123
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,080
What, like a bit of morning...
(WHISTLES)
124
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,440
I think, actually,
it's better than that.
125
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,880
Oh.
126
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,720
# MARCEL AMONT:
Tout Doux, Tout Doucement
127
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,040
(CLOSES DOOR)
128
00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,280
# Da-dum da-dam, da da da dum
129
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,040
# Da-dum da, da-da-da dum
130
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,640
# Da da-dum dum dum dum... #
131
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,680
(CRUNCHES CRISP)
132
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,680
(SONG CONTINUES)
133
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,520
(CLICK)
134
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,840
(CHUCKLES) Look at him!
135
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,560
Gonna be the best striker
the Hammers have ever seen.
136
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,640
Don't know about that, Dad.
137
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:37,080
Come here. Give the old man
some love, eh? Come here!
138
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,120
(LAUGHS)
139
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,400
What are you like?!
140
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,760
(SONG CONTINUES)
141
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,720
(SONG FADES)
142
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,200
Glen!
143
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,040
Glen. Glen!
144
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,840
Agh!I think you need
a time-out, young man.
145
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,080
Agh! Ooh! What are you...
What's happening?
146
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,640
Just go with it
Go with what? What -
147
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,560
I'm Jo Frost. I'm Jo Frost.
Remember?
148
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,960
Who's Jo Frost?
Jo Frost. Supernanny.
149
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,440
It's un-aseptable behaviour.
It's my Dom persona, isn't it?
150
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:31,200
It's just like, you know...
OK, fine, fine. Call me Madam.
151
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,320
You're on the memory foam, Kirst.
Yeah, I know.
152
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,200
OK. Call me...erm...Miss.
Oh...
153
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,919
No... No. Call me Mummy.
154
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,080
Kirsty!
I mean not actually your mum.
155
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,200
Kirsty!
Obviously. I'm trying stuff out.
156
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,960
We're trying stuff out, aren't we?
I-It's a lot, Kirst.
157
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,160
I know. I know.
158
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,840
It's just these boots.
They make me feel powerful.
159
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,160
Like I can do anything.
Like, raah! You know?
160
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,440
I can see. It's terrifying.
Like...sexy terrifying? Or...
161
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,120
Kirst, I don't want you to be a
character. I like you, don't I?
162
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,720
I just like it when you're,
you know, very you.
163
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,720
Yeah.
164
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,800
OK, well, I'll return them, then.
165
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,920
Shall I make you some toast
while you get ready for work?
166
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,000
Is that a-septable?
167
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,560
# TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD:
Sixteen Tons
168
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,120
# Some
169
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,120
# People say a man
is made out of mud
170
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,440
# A poor man's made out of
muscle and blood
171
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,800
# Muscle and blood and skin and bone
172
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,680
# A mind that's a-weak
and a back that's strong
173
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,120
# You load 16 tons, what do you get?
174
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,520
# Another day older
and deeper in debt
175
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:53,000
# Saint Peter, don't you call me
cos I can't go
176
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:57,040
# I owe my soul to the company store
177
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,080
(SONG FINISHES)
178
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,520
Oops.
179
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,560
I dislodged a satsuma.
180
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,680
Well, pick it up, then.
181
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,840
No.
182
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,120
You what?
183
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,120
I said...
184
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,880
No.
185
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,280
All right, fine. Christ!
186
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:51,200
Pam. I know there's something going
on that I'm not being told.
187
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,880
You're going to squash your orange.
You wouldn't...
188
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,400
..hide anything from me,
would you, Pam?
189
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,880
No.
Good.
190
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,360
So I know that we're holding
a consignment of palettes
191
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,840
for a company called
El—Baz Exchange Group.
192
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,920
I don't know anything about that.
Pam?
193
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,160
I'm not allowed to talk about it.
That's better.
194
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,440
Ron, he... He's not gonna take on
the contracts because erm...
195
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,480
Well, he's got fucking scruples.
196
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,520
When's the meeting?
197
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,480
Pamela...when...
198
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,560
(SQUELCHING)
..is the meeting?
199
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,960
Weird, Ian, seeing him
on that video.
200
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,920
It's brought it all back.
201
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,960
Yes. Er... Sorry, Lee.
202
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,720
Look, I don't think -
203
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,600
We were close, me and him.
204
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,520
And we absolutely must
chat that through.
205
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,800
But I'm not sure that this is...
206
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,800
(DOOR SLAMS)
207
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,600
Oh, god.
Anyway, it don't matter now.
208
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,560
Trail's gone dead.
All we've got is this Kelsoc.
209
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,760
Lee! Lee!
210
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,800
Kelsoc?! I've googled it. Nothing.
211
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,520
(WHISPERS) Lee!
There's someone here.
212
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:12,160
Right, well, cop hold of it
and fill your boots, son.
213
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,400
No, look, I...
I'm not sure I'm ready.
214
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,960
Oh, crikey!
Kelsoc?
215
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,680
What the fuck is it?
Very well.
216
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,880
MAN: Sorry... Did you say...Kelsoc?
217
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,240
Yeah, I did, yeah.
Blimey.
218
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,160
I ain't heard that in years.
What... What, what you know it?
219
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,880
Kelham Social Club.
Just off the A12.
220
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,480
Is it? Fucking hell!
221
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,760
Dodgy, mind. I'd watch how you go.
222
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,040
Yeah, no, I will do, son. Cheers!
223
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,440
(DOORS OPENING AND CLOSING)
224
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,480
Lee!
225
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,040
Do you know, I'm not sure
I'm in the mood.
226
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:58,280
Oh, shit. Text from me grandkids.
Put me right off.
227
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,200
Oh, well, okey-dokey!
(ZIP)
228
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,600
Bye now!
(DOOR OPENS)
229
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,880
Sales, Aysha, is about connecting
with the customer.
230
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:20,400
Yes, bro. Yes, I feel you.
Wow. OK. Right, well...
231
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,280
And if you can do that, forge
that connection, it's amazing.
232
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,240
Making people happy.
Yeah. Yeah, no, totally.
233
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,320
Why are you chatting?
I'm on the phone.
234
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,520
Nice one, hustler. Roll safe, my G.
235
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,600
Soz, but it's proper difficult
getting a doctor's appointment now.
236
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:40,320
Aysha, please. Please, I need you to
sell stuff otherwise we are fucked.
237
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,120
We're screwed.
Bro, why's your dick in a twist?
238
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,920
Who cares about audits?!
This place is well dodgy.
239
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
It's probably like a front
or something.
240
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,080
No-one buys carpet no more!
241
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,240
Right. OK -
242
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,040
Shit, your brother!
What? Where?
243
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,640
That's not my brother.
Glen, we need to go!
244
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,680
I've found Kelsoc. It's Dad's club!
245
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,440
Hi.
What no, no. I can't just go now.
246
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,440
What the fuck are you talking about?
This is Dad.
247
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,480
Do you want a Lucozade Sport?
I'd have to close up.
248
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,000
And we've got an audit coming up.
Who gives a fuck about an audit?
249
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,920
I actually said that to him.
250
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,760
You can look after the shop,
can't ya?
251
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,120
Me?! Yeah, no, course.
252
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,560
Really? I don't think you can -
253
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,240
I can do this in my sleep, bro.
Fucking watch.
254
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,280
Right. Lively!
255
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,920
Gonna sell so much, bro! Just wait!
256
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,000
Gonna sell the fuck out of
these carpets!
257
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,920
Sorry, could you help me with er...
258
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,400
I think the guy just left.
259
00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:42,440
(SAWING)
260
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,360
Couple of hours, I'll have knocked
it up. You need a desk, don't ya?
261
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,080
Aww. Honestly, Sam,
it's not necessary.
262
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,160
(BEEPING)
Oh, that'll be your coffee.
263
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,200
How do you want it,
dairy milk or oat?
264
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,800
Ooh! Um...
265
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,160
Dealer's choice. (CHUCKLES)
266
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,960
(DOOR OPENS)
Oi oi! Anyone 'ome?
267
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,360
Mum! What...
How did you get this address?
268
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,880
Fuck off, it's hardly GCHQ, is it?
269
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,880
It's nearly me birthday. We're going
to do us a mum-daughter manicure.
270
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:16,400
No, I can't just leave work, Mum.
I've got very important meetings.
271
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,440
Here are, I did you a mix.
Oaty sweet with a dairy finish.
272
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,720
And who are you when you're at home?
273
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,800
Excuse me? I'm Pam.
274
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,480
Pam? As in Pamela.
275
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,320
Crikey.
276
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,040
So is it you she's doing these very
important meetings with, then?
277
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,680
Yes, um... So if you've got those
quarterly reports for me, Pam,
278
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,720
and if you could pop this
in my office for me. Thank you.
279
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,240
What, you mean the bog room?
Where am I gonna put it?
280
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,240
You've got all your mops in there,
buckets on the toilet seat.
281
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,320
Hang on. Are you -
282
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,360
No. Actually, um...
283
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,920
I do have
a couple of hours to spare. So...
284
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,120
I'm going to pop out. Back soon.
285
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,080
And yeah, I will need those
by end of play. OK?
286
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,360
Ditch the boots, Kirst.
I am not trekking round Westfield
287
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,720
with Xena, Warrior Princess.
Thank you.
288
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,880
Got her in a gaff in Enfield.
She's beautiful, in't she?
289
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,120
She's disgusting.
She's 20 quid a day, mate.
290
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:12,800
Hm.
291
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,880
I knew Dad would like
a boozer like this.
292
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,800
He loved a shit hole, didn't he?
What a bloke!
293
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,400
What a bloke.
This is it, Glen, I can feel it.
294
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,480
Let's fucking do this.
295
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,320
# WILSON DAS NEVES: Cloud Nine
296
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,520
(MUSIC BUILDS)
297
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,640
Oh, shit.
298
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,040
# Oh, Danny Boy...
It's fucking wake, Lee!
299
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,880
Glen. Stay.
We can't.
300
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,600
Why can't we?
# The pipes
301
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,720
# The pipes are calling
302
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,160
We've come all this way
and now you wanna leave?
303
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,960
# From glen to -
Glen!
304
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,359
# And...down the mountainside
305
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,960
# The summer's go-ooooone!
306
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:15,359
# And all the roses falling
307
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,560
# It's you, it's you
308
00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:20,440
# Must go
# Must go and I must
309
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,599
# And I must
# Bide #
310
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:26,440
# Bi-iiii-duh #
311
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,240
Who the fuck are you?
312
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,200
Sorry, we're just going actually.
313
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,040
No, we're not. We're Andy's mates.
314
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,240
Oh, you're mates of Andy?
Why didn't you say so?!
315
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,520
You hear that chaps?
They're Andy's mates.
316
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,560
Yeah, Andy. He was a proper geezer.
317
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,680
That is Sandy, you cunt.
318
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,560
The carnations were wilting.
This is a private function.
319
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,440
Get out.
Absolutely. Come on, Lee.
320
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,520
Alright, we don't know him.
We're looking for someone.
321
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,360
They're fucking rozzers!
Course we ain't fucking rozzers.
322
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,960
Well, he is. Can't even do
plain clothes proper.
323
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,800
Looks like he's on a school trip.
It's a work shirt.
324
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,880
Jimmy!
Alright, listen, we're Don's sons.
325
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,000
Don Campbell.
326
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,000
We're trying to find him. We heard
that yous lot know where he is.
327
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,120
Mary and Joseph! He's the spit.
328
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,280
There you go. See? I'm Don's boy!
329
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,200
I don't care
if you're Don's great-granny.
330
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,200
You ain't getting his whereabouts
out of me.
331
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,440
Now sling your fucking hooks!
Apologies. We'll be off. Sorry!
332
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,920
We're this close, Glen.
333
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,880
We want to find him. We want to
make amends because...
334
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,000
..we miss him.
(LAUGHS)
335
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,320
What?You've changed your
fucking tune, haven't you?
336
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,480
I'm doing this for you, twat!
337
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,160
Ignore him. Me and me dad
were peas in a pod.
338
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,280
He's a mummy's boy,
you know what I mean?
339
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,680
So go and get yourself a Vimto.
340
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,560
We only do J2O.
Sure. On the rocks.
341
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,000
I'll have a bit of Crimson Scandal.
Sounds like me.
342
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,600
And what colour would you like?
Oh, she'll just have Nude.
343
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,640
I think it's great you got a job.
344
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,720
There is no shame
in being a cleaner.
345
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,440
Mum, I'm not a cleaner.
Her in the flat below me does it.
346
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:04,280
Course, she is 72, and just the one
foot from diabetes. But still.
347
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,720
I've actually got quite big plans.
For the company.
348
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,520
I'm a stakeholder. Yeah. I should
probably get back quite soon.
349
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,080
I've got a catch-up
and a meeting tomorrow.
350
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,120
Kirsty, love. Remember what happened
351
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,200
last time
you tried to be impressive?
352
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,240
That interview for the flashy uni?
353
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,640
You had a nervy-b
and came out in a stress rash
354
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,120
before we even got through the
door. I had to take her home.
355
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:29,400
Crying her eyes out, she was. Face
like a fucking summer pudding. Oh!
356
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,760
Just tryna look out for you, love.
I'm your mum.
357
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,360
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
358
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,080
Are you gonna help me out then
or what?
359
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:42,440
Don wouldn't want surprise guests.
So he lives round here, does he?
360
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:46,800
Don't push it, son!
I'm not... I'm not pushing it. OK?
361
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,200
You don't seem as keen.
362
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,000
Oh. It's er...
363
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,480
It's complicated.
364
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,920
He's got Don's swagger.
Hm.
365
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,200
You know him as well, then?
366
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,320
Don't tell me. Top-notch bloke.
367
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,320
Yeah, he's decent.
Not like these pricks.
368
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,680
Here, take another.
369
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,160
Might come in handy.
370
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,240
A beermat?
371
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,240
..a lot of memories
come flooding back.
372
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,760
He used to come and watch me
play football every Sunday.
373
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,440
He was the loudest geezer there.
Like, go on, son!
374
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,880
Like a fucking foghorn.
(LAUGHS) That's him! That's Don!
375
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,480
See? Get on this one.
376
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,160
I'm alright. You alright?
377
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,800
Not bad!
378
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,880
He gets it, look! Gis them.
379
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,400
Get on this one. Watch.
380
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,200
Yeah, I'm alright. You alright?
(LAUGHTER)
381
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,800
Perhaps we should consider it.
Consider it. He was a great dad.
382
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,720
Ha ha!
383
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,560
Was he? I don't know
if you've forgotten,
384
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,840
but he fucking abandoned us,
and Mum.
385
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,000
Wee Jimmy Cranky's piped up!
I'm doing it, ain't I?
386
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,520
I'm finding your fucking dad
for you.
387
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,840
Yeah. Right, well...
388
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,560
Maybe not so keen any more.
389
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,160
Yeah?
390
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,760
(KEYS LAND) Well, fuck off, then.
I'll do it on my own.
391
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,400
# BRASS MONKEYS IRELAND:
Freed From Desire
392
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,120
Probably for the best.
He'd only be disappointed.
393
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,200
Now where was I? Me and the old man,
we were very close.
394
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,400
And that bond is very important.
395
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,240
Ohh! Maria's quiche!
396
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,280
(RAPID GUITAR STRUMMING)
397
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,480
You've quiched me.
Yeah, I've quiched you.
398
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,200
You're asking for it.
Jimmy, get these cunts out of here!
399
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,040
(ECHOES) Out of here! Out of here!
400
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,800
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
401
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,880
Ohh! Me eye!
402
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,040
Maria's buffet!
403
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,680
Ohh!
404
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,680
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
405
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,480
(GRUNTS)
406
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,160
Ahh!
407
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,280
Ohh!
408
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,640
Ohh!
409
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,120
What the fuck?
That was meant for him.
410
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,840
Oi! Get out of it!
411
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,040
(GRUNTING AND YELLING)
412
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,560
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
413
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,040
Fuck you!
414
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,080
(SHOUTING)
415
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,040
Come on.Fuck off!
What are you doing?
416
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,440
I'm not a big fucking footie prick
like you and Dad!
417
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,760
Oh, whatever!
Don's so fucking great, isn't he?
418
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,200
Alright? You alright?
What's the matter with you?
419
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,480
Maybe it's because
my dad didn't love me!
420
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,440
And you're right, Lee. Even if
we do find him, if we go there,
421
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,480
he's not going to want me there
cos I'm not you.
422
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,400
Bollocks! You're like Mum.
I'm like Dad. End of.
423
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,440
No, she... She loved you.
424
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,000
She can't have loved me.
She never forgave me.
425
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,880
She left me nothing. Not one thing!
426
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,360
Maybe it's because
you abandoned her.
427
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,640
Some people ain't built for family,
Glen.
428
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,680
Me and Dad, we're the same.
429
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,640
But he loved you.
Do you know why I know that?
430
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,080
Because I fucking love ya.
431
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,480
You dickhead!
(GLASS SMASHES)
432
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,640
They're gonna fucking kill us, Lee!
433
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,760
Don't be stupid.
434
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,480
(YELLING)
Follow me.
435
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,320
Keep out of it!
Agh!
436
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,160
There they are! Get 'em!
437
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,800
# THE COASTERS: Down In Mexico
438
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,440
Aghh!
439
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,440
# I mean down in the Mexico
440
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,800
# And you wanna get straight, man
441
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,000
Fuck off!
# Don't hesitate
442
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,520
# Just look up a cat named Joe #
443
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,360
Yaaah!
444
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,720
# He wears a red bandanna,
plays a blues piano
445
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,360
# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico
446
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,800
# He wears a purple sash
and a black moustache
447
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,760
# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico #
448
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,480
Bring me their fucking 'eads!
449
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,520
(BOTH PANTING)
450
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,880
Looks like we fucked it. Sorry.
451
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,640
Yeah, well. Looks like Big Don
wants to stay lost.
452
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,920
There's nothing we can do about it.
453
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:43,600
You've got quiche on your jacket.
I've got wet wipes.
454
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,960
Wassat?
455
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,280
It's Dad's address.
456
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,720
Well, fuck my old boots.
457
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,760
He's minted.
458
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,800
(SONG CONTINUES)
459
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,240
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