Original subtitles

[ Monster roaring, people screaming ]

I don't believe this!

Are you kidding me?

High school's pathetic enough without this nonsense.

How the hell did I get here?

[ Doorbell ringing ]

Check it out, Josh krueger! Guess what?

Your name was chosen out of 500,000 entries.

You and your entire senior class are going to party with Carmen Electra

on your own private island, courtesy of mtv.

- Whoa, whoa, wait-- - no way! No way! We won the mtv contest!

[ Hysterical screaming ]

Scammed by own little sister on live TV.

Entered me without even asking.

- She was dead. - [ Screaming hysterically ]

Oh, my god! Oh, my god! A shout-out to my girls Sandy, Patty, and Sue,

and all the hot guys in the club,

and Justin Timberlake, if you're watching.

I'm gonna kill you.

[ Screaming ]

[ ♪ ]

♪ Look at how fast the young man grows up ♪

♪ nose up ahead of the other ones... ♪

Let me just say this,

winning some massive mtv contest

was the last thing I needed.

My girlfriend had recently dumped me,

and I was in no shape to be shipped off

to some island in the middle of nowhere

to hang with Carmen Electra.

My class was psyched.

For them, this was the ultimate school trip.

I just wanted to hurl myself into the sea.

[ Whooping ]

The pack, pop music,

the whole party thing?

I was never really into it.

Add in, my ex was along for the ride.

I don't think my life could suck any worse.

Look, don't get me wrong.

It's not that I'm against having a good time.

I just don't like being told how and when to do it.

Now, thanks to my scheming little sister,

I was hosting the kind of party

I would never even be invited to.

I had no idea

how I was going to survive all this joyful exuberance.

At least I had my best friends with me

to keep me from losing my mind.

There's nothing I like better

than vacationing with every jackass

who's ever tortured me.

I can't believe my stupid sister would do this to me.

[ Giggling ]

It's just business, Josh.

Jen really wanted to win this.

You've got to respect initiative like that.

You're blinded by lust, Andy. Hitler had initiative.

The Republicans have initiative.

Martha Stewart.

Right. Yeah.

It's what you're initiating that counts.

Remember that.

A blind man could see it--

my sister's the devil.

Send me to hell.

Yeah, and then you totally run up to her,

and, oh, my god...

[ Fake giggling ]

Having a good time?

Ooh, bitter, dark, sad joshy.

Fun bad. People bad.

Why don't you try to relax?

Where'd you get the balls

to enter me in this totally disgusting display

of corporate self-promotion?

Were you high?

I entered everyone I knew over 18.

Who would complain but you?

This is my senior class. You're a junior.

What the hell?

Principal havey loves me.

He put me on the vip list.

Don't you have any shame?

Don't you?

Sitting up in your room brooding over maddy.

When are you gonna get over it?

This is your senior year, Josh.

This is supposed to be the good times.

Maybe even the best times.

Hit me on the head

and stuff me in the crawl space

if these are the best times.

Okay, forget that this would be fun

for 99% of the rest of the world,

and forget about how all those people you hate

now think you're a hero for winning this,

and consider...

Maddy.

This may be your perfect chance--

maybe your only chance--

to win her back.

Yup. Maddy got herself

a brand new action-hero boyfriend.

She thinks she's found someone just as idealistic as she is.

I guess I just never saw the point

in doing all the stuff she wanted me to do.

I just wanted to be with her.

The circus closes this weekend.

You know how they treat those animals.

We have to protest.

Can't I just write a scathing letter?

You know what?

Forget it.

I need to be with someone who's going to get off his ass

and do something about the things he believes in,

not just sit around his house spewing complaints.

You used to think my spew was funny.

You are funny...

But it gets old.

Okay, tough crowd.

Must get new material.

Broader, more physical stuff.

See, that...Wasn't funny.

Just take me home.

Oh.

So I blew it,

and now she's with a guy

who thinks he's the next president of the United States.

You know, as the next generation of leaders,

we have a responsibility.

Check this...

The estimated rate of extinction

of plant and animal species

in rainforest ecosystems such as these

is in excess of 50,000 every year.

Hey, what's up, party monster?

Are you okay?

You look a little pale.

And we're losing roughly 140 species every day.

We really need to protect what's left of our rainforests

and get the logging companies out of there.

That's my girl. Huh?

Hey, you know how every time there's a party like this,

there's always that one idiot

who gets a little too crazy

and ruins it for everybody else?

I love being that idiot...

Monkey.

[ Monkey noises]

[ Clucking ]

Cut it out, man.

Remind me again

why we keep company with him.

Fourth grade.

He took on Jimmy Cushing, Eric King,

and both their older brothers

while they were kicking our asses.

[ Raving ]

He sprayed silly string in their eyes and got his ass kicked, too.

It's the thought that counts.

This is so cool.

I can't believe I'm finally a v.J.

You're on a test deal.

Choke out here once, newbie,

and you're back to making coffee and picking up dry-cleaning.

I'm not worried.

It's going to be a great gig.

Whatever.

I can't wait to get back to trl in New York.

Oh, trl.

New York.

You think you can put in the good word for me?

You got any money?

Oh, yeah.

Candy for monkey.

You know, you wouldn't believe

the toxic waste they put in this.

Definitely not fit for human consumption.

Mm, not at all--

hey, krueger...

Good job on the big win, man.

Thanks for having us all along.

Hey, newsom, pleasure's mine.

Dude, you got a little chocolate

or something on your lip there--

hey, what's your problem, Mr. Pants, huh?

You want some monkey?

You want some monkey, don't you?

I got it right here. Right here.

Stack, it's cool, I got this.

Go, monkey.

I'll catch you guys later, all right?

Yeah, come on, Andy.

Tango time.

I'm not ready for this.

I do not dance...

Can we not do this whole cliche?

All right.

I'll catch up with you later.

[ Kisses maddy ]

How can you prefer to be with that phony piece of nonsense?

That haircut?

When are you going to realize

that sarcasm and disdain

is not an end unto itself?

Well, it depends on the quality of the remark,

don't you think?

No, I don't.

I already told you,

I don't want words, I want action.

Well, how about reaction?

Check this one out. It's my latest.

Unh.

Chase newsom's not the answer.

Talk about posers.

Least you know where I stand.

[ Shrieking roar ]

Whoa.

Josh krueger...

Lil mindi.

Hey, you ready to meet Carmen Electra?

Did you see that?

Don't you play me now.

You've got backstage passes.

Did someone say backstage passes?

You guys are clear.

Come on in,

but no sudden movements.

Eightball, where's my black fishnets?

Huh? Fishnets?

Yeah, they're in the trunk behind the dressing table.

Oh. Hi.

What up, girl?

I got a fan of yours over here.

So you're Josh.

You seem so familiar.

Really?

You didn't mail me a six-foot nude sculpture of myself

made out of rubber cement?

No.

No, I made mine out of silly putty.

You're funny.

Oh, my god.

This is totally the best.

I can't believe I'm here with you.

Here, Josh, take our picture.

Oh, my god, thank you. You're so cool.

Aw, you're so sweet. Thank you.

Thank you.

Carmen, you should decide what you're wearing tonight.

I know.

I'm so out of it before a show.

Um, would you guys help me pick?

Really?

Yeah. Come on.

Oh, my god.

I hate making decisions.

Oh, I know. Me, too. Totally.

Do you like this one?

Oh, wow.

Oh, that's so nice.

You've got a lot of decent stuff here.

Radiohead...

Queens of the stone age...

Ramones.

All right.

Always been a rock girl.

Ramones were the best.

Joey was totally underrated in his day.

Right on.

A man with taste.

You've seen rock 'n' roll high school?

Own the DVD.

You know who I love?

Hillary duff.

Carmen...

Hair and wardrobe?

You guys, I have to get ready, but, um...

Maybe after the show we could hang out

and talk more about music.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

[ Crowd screaming ]

Remember, stay behind me.

Behind me.

What's up, y'all, are y'all ready to get busy?

No doubt, no doubt.

Well, give a big island welcome to the goddess of the tropics,

Miss Carmen Electra.

Check it out.

Hey, back it up, buddy.

Plant it right there.

Stay right there.

[ ♪ ]

♪ Jungle fever ♪

♪ jungle love ♪

♪ temperature's rising ♪

♪ you got me burning burning ♪

♪ burning up ♪

♪ and I can't control it ♪

♪ I'm in flames ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby ♪

♪ that can't be tamed ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

♪ fire, fire ♪

♪ sweaty and sweet ♪

[ Boys screaming ]

♪ When we kiss ♪

♪ can you feel the feel the ♪

♪ feel the heat ♪

♪ baby, baby ♪

♪ we got it bad... ♪

What?

What's with our boy over there?

♪ I said yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

He shouldn't stand there.

I mean, he could experience

significant hearing damage,

or at the very least, tinnitus.

♪ Temperature's rising ♪

♪ got me burning ♪

♪ burning, burning hot ♪

♪ and I can't control it... ♪

You've got to be kidding me.

♪ I'm in flames... ♪

Here's your 15 minutes, joshy.

Choke on it.

♪ Jungle fever ♪

[ Roaring ]

What's that?

Oh, my god, look.

[ Roaring ]

Incoming.

[ Screaming ]

Look out.

Eightball, no.

[ Screaming ]

[ Carmen screaming ]

[ Eightball screaming ]

Somebody help me.

This is bad.

No.

This is awesome.

Come on.

Oh, for...

Worldwide service, my ass.

[ Boy sobbing ]

What are we going to do?

Hey, it's okay. It's okay. Hey.

Hey, come here. It's okay. It's okay.

Chase has got you.

Come on.

Come on, let's buck up.

Let's buck up. Okay, let's buck up.

Be a man here. Let's go. Come on. Come on.

Yeah.

I knew it.

I doubted. I should never doubt myself.

What?

We're smack in the middle of the Bermuda triangle.

Great.

Can we just go home?

What about Carmen?

Death sells, dude.

I mean, her video sales are gonna be, like...

How do you know she's dead?

You saw, Josh.

She's gone.

I thought you were such a big fan.

Now you're ready to sell her downriver?

For what?

For a 25-foot flying insect.

We should go after her.

Yes.

Yes!

I'm down.

I am totally down.

I want to meet that big buglet.

I admire your bravery, Josh,

but this... Seems a little foolish.

I mean, with the exception of a summer at weeblo camp,

you have no wilderness training,

let alone search and rescue.

And that weeblo camp thing wasn't even a whole summer.

We had to come pick you up.

Those fascists made me paint my face

and make god's eyes.

[ Clapping ]

All right, young people, listen up.

I'm, uh, I'm Bob staton, producer of the show.

How you guys doing tonight?

[ Sobbing ]

All right.

Uh, we have an, uh, emergency situation here,

so let me tell you what's happening.

Uh, point one,

"due to unforeseen indigenous animal activity,

Carmen Electra will not be able to complete her performance."

Duh.

But I assure you,

we're doing everything we can to ensure her safe return, okay?

Uh, what exactly is being done, Bob?

Please hold all questions.

Uh, point two--

[ electrical explosions ]

A tiny electrical storm

has temporarily interfered with communications,

which means that for the time being,

we're cut off from the mainland.

[ Explosion ]

[ Gasping and muttering ]

[ Boy sobbing ]

Also, our ship's power's gone a little funny,

so we're all going to have to depend on each other, okay?

Right, so let's stick together, people.

[ Chase clapping ]

You know, I don't recall

electing ass-boy "island leader."

I'm told by our captain

that once the navigational equipment is up and running,

well, we'll be up and running.

So, uh, let's keep it real,

okay?

And please proceed in an orderly fashion

back to the beach.

The, uh, the launches are waiting.

Oh, a very special surprise musical guest

will be waiting for you on the party boat

to keep your spirits up.

Okay?

Wait. Stop.

Look...

It's easy to be there for a star

when they're on top and number one,

but the real fans are there in the times of trouble.

Lousy ratings, falling record sales, rehab...

Abduction by flying insects.

I don't claim to have any answers.

I'm not even always sure what I believe.

I'm depressed...

I hate sports...

I'm trying to go vegan, and, uh...

I'm considering community college

until I figure out what I want to do...

[ Snorting with laughter ]

But I do know one thing...

I'm going after Carmen.

Now, who's with me?

[ Cheering ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

Whoa. Whoa...

One second, there, chief.

If it is your intention to stay here

and play hero,

there's something you should know.

Something you all should know.

As it states

in your signed waivers...

"Staton productions is not responsible

"for any bodily harm, including death,

"dismemberment, etc.

During the filming of mtv's tropical weekend getaway."

Plainly speaking,

you slip off a cliff,

fall into a quicksand pit,

get eaten by a bug the size of a Hummer...

It's not my problem,

and when the navigational equipment is repaired,

my boat is leaving,

with...

Or without you.

I'm out of here.

Seriously, dude, I'm not gettin' killed for this.

Word.

Thanks for your support.

I'll take that under advisement.

Jackass.

Some speech, loser.

Didn't know you had it in you.

Confidentially,

I don't really know that I do.

Oh, yes, you do, brother.

I mean, you just took your first step

into a whole new world.

A world of unimaginable horror.

It's gonna be so much fun.

You're such a big boy.

Yes, you are.

Okay, let's go, people.

I knew the location fee for this place

was too good to be true.

Any news on the surprise guest band?

That chopper should have landed two hours ago.

We lost radio contact with them right before the show, Bob.

They might have went down in the storm.

Bad day to be famous.

Yeah.

You know, this is supposed to be my big break.

Now I'll never get to host trl.

Are we still getting paid for the whole gig?

Okay, okay, shut up.

This may look like a disaster,

but, actually, this could be the greatest opportunity

any of us is ever gonna get.

Oh, god.

Screw mtv and their candy-ass variety hour.

Huh.

This...this is high octane adventure.

Real life and death.

I'll sell it to the highest bidder.

Where you going with this, Bob?

Don't you see?

If that pinhead kid does find Carmen

and we capture that on tape,

we're made.

And what if he tanks?

Then it's a heart-wrenching tale

of unfailing faith and spirit,

like survivor.

Either way, the footage will save our ass.

You down?

You kidding me?

I've been waiting my whole life for something like this.

You?

Uh-uh.

I just signed a contract extension.

My job is safe.

I ain't going into any jungle with y'all.

I'll do it.

Huh. Sure you will.

I'll get everything we need.

Smart girl.

All right.

Hijacked these from the production.

No telling how long the batteries'll hold, though.

Check the compass.

Spinning like a dreidel.

[ Distant thunderclap ]

Magnetic fluxes like these

can last up to 24 hours.

I wouldn't gamble

on having more time than that.

I would also count

on highly unpredictable weather patterns.

Andy?

That bag...

When are you going to realize

there is time to go to your locker between classes?

Come on--

ain't no lockers in the bush.

Yo, j-man.

What do you want?

Josh, I believe in what you're doing.

I'd like to offer my support,

and we want to document your journey.

Yeah, right.

Come on. It'll be fun.

I'll make you look fabulous, I promise.

Whatever.

Attention, students.

The last launches are leaving in five minutes.

Let's go, let's go.

The last launches are leaving

in five minutes.

Come on, maddy, let's go.

The boat's leaving without us.

Let's go.

No.

I think we should stay. I think...

I think we should help them.

It might be too late for Carmen, baby.

But what if it's not?

There's always a reason not to do something,

but when you have the chance, you should act.

Josh, tell us

what's on your mind right now.

How do you prepare for a big mission like this...

Don't you think?

Yeah, right.

Yeah, absolutely.

Let's go.

Let's do this.

Dude, way to go.

You've rallied the troops.

Well done,

but I think you'll all agree

that in order for this rescue to succeed,

it's going to come down to strategic planning.

My world.

[ Andy scoffs ]

You're unbelievable.

As an eagle scout,

I did my fair share of search and rescue.

First thing,

we need to establish a target zone.

Yeah.

The thing flew off towards the big mountain.

That's where we're headed.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.

Mountain's the rallying point.

All right, let's lock and load, people.

Let's go. Let's go.

We're on the move.

Hey, I got your back, bro, okay?

I know you do.

But, look, just between me and you,

your problem with maddy and Mr. Pants, that's...

That's what's really behind

this whole action hero bit, right?

Partly, yeah.

Well, what's the other part?

Carmen.

Dude.

You really think you got a chance with that?

Look, man, to tell you the truth,

I have no idea

what I'm doing right now.

Well...

Well, Josh.

That's the best place to be.

Here. It's tape number one.

It's the bit with the thing.

You know, coming...

Just mark it, like, "awesome"

or "amazing" or something.

Hey, I really admire you two.

You know, putting your butts on the line

for posterity.

God, I think it's so interesting

how crisis situations

bring out the hidden strengths in people.

Subtle, Jen.

Agenda much?

Josh is all over Carmen.

That's what this is about for him.

Any luck with that compass?

Nothing,

and to tell you the truth,

I'm more than a little nervous

about the imminent disappearance

of our only visual aid.

No kidding.

I thought the stars would help,

but with this thick canopy--

hey, kreuger, looks like you're starting to drift off course.

Maybe we should compensate for the downgrade?

Head over this way.

[ Jungle birds calling ]

Sweet.

Looks like you compensated us

right into a brick wall.

Look, shut up, you little punk.

Anyone who criticizes leadership in a time of crisis

is not only counterproductive but unpatriotic.

Did you get that off a plaque in your daddy's office?

Did I get--

stop it.

He's right.

You're not helping.

How can you buy this guy's shtick?

He's stumbling around in the dark

just like the rest of us,

only he's dangerous 'cause he won't admit when he's wrong.

Josh, you little--

hey, hey, hey.

Whoa.

I don't get it.

In two years, I could barely get you to recycle,

and now all of this?

Okay, you got me? Right here? Right here?

A few hours into the search for Carmen Electra,

and tempers are starting to flare.

You can literally feel

the strain and stress on these young people.

How's that? Good? Yeah? Okay.

Let go of my jacket.

Kids? Kids?

Now, chimp-boy is here to resolve all query.

So let's take a little breather...

[ Exhales ]

A little time-out,

a little calm and reverence

for the mountain

so that she might reveal her gracious presence.

[ Grunting and straining ]

What's he doing?

Stack...

[ Screaming ]

Ah.

Agh.

Oh, my god.

Ah.

Eightball...

[ Whimpering slightly ]

Huh? What?

Oh, my god. I can't believe you're alive.

What happened?

I don't know.

Uh...

All I remember is that damn flying cockroach grabbed me...

And then I was, like, falling through the air,

and then I was in and out of consciousness,

and I was hanging onto this tree

till sport, here, grabbed a hold of my leg.

Thanks for breaking my fall.

Anytime.

Everybody, this is eightball,

Carmen's bodyguard.

Oh, great. He was a lot of help.

What the hell are you talking about?

Where's Carmen?

The thing that grabbed you grabbed her too.

You don't remember?

It carried her up to the big mountain,

so that's where we're going.

Oh...

She was my responsibility,

and I failed her.

So I'm on it, and I'm in.

So you lead the way.

Uh, I caught a glimpse of the mountain

before the spill.

It's, uh, over this way.

I think.

You carry that thing in your shorts?

Uh-huh.

No holster?

Uh-uh.

How do you sit?

[ Whispering ]: That's the discipline.

Hmm.

After you.

Carmen!

Eightball's coming.

I'll get you.

[ Lil mindi ]: We've got to get

an interview with that guy.

[ ♪ ]

Andy?

Hey...

I'm not harassing you,

but wouldn't a laptop be more information

and less weight?

Well, yeah, less weight, less tangible,

and especially in situations like this,

I mean, useless.

Insane jungle rescue missions

happen often in your life?

I know this is bordering on creepy,

but books actually make me feel safe, you know?

They're a constant,

and, if need be, a great place to hide.

I don't think you're creepy.

I had no idea.

Jane Austen's been my favorite

since fourth grade.

Well, who else do you like?

Bronte,

Gabriel Garcia Marquez,

Judy Blume.

I just don't carry them all around with me

everywhere I go. Duh.

Almost.

[ Lil mindi]: So, chase, maddy, tell us why you're here.

Well, we're happy to be leading this rescue mission

for Carmen Electra, right, honey?

I think my experience as an eagle scout

has led me to...

Hey...

Hey...

So who dumped who?

She dumped me.

For that guy?

Lame as I am,

I can't believe it myself.

Well, it's all about the attitude.

Yeah.

So, what, now you're into Carmen?

Well, we have a lot in common, you know.

We share the same music tastes.

She gave me this look. I felt--

hey, look.

I watch guys fall in love with Carmen every day.

That's 'cause she's so nice,

but you do realize

that nothing's ever going to happen.

She's already found her soul mate.

What do I know?

You know enough to risk your life

and the lives of your friends to save her.

That means something.

Buck up.

Wow.

What is it?

P--p--

it's a praying mantis.

[ Snarling ]

What's it praying for?

Little kids lost in the woods?

Shh. Nobody move.

[ Roars ]

Move!

[ Screaming ]

Get out of my way.

Go. Go. Go.

[ Roaring ]

Oh, god.

I don't believe this.

Keep moving, keep moving.

Did you get the shot?

Did you get it?

Yeah, I got it.

No. Stop.

Why are we stopping?

What's going on?

No stopping.

Somebody do something.

This way.

Come on.

Oh, my god, I'm gonna die.

Uh-oh.

Can a praying mantis swim?

I don't think so.

Then again, neither can I.

Saddle up, partner, we're going in.

No. There.

How did you--

forget it. Everyone in the canoe.

Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go.

Get in. Let's go. Let's go. Get in.

[ Jen screaming ]

Go. Go. Go.

Paddle.

[ Grumbles with disappointment ]

It can't swim.

You can't swim.

[ Roaring ]

You're a loser.

Not you, Andy.

Paddle.

Come on. Let's go.

[ Dry grass crackling ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh, hey, I was just, um...

[ Roaring ]

Just--just gonna go powder my nose.

[ Roars ]

You know, most girls are afraid of bugs,

but I'm not.

In fact, I think you're kind of cute.

[ Roars ]

What do you say

I go slip into something a little more comfortable?

[ Roars ]

Or not.

[ Andy ]: Two giant insects varying in scale.

A dangerous pattern could be emerging.

[ Josh ]: Meaning?

[ Andy ]: A 500-foot ladybug could kill us at any minute.

Oh, yeah, this'll totally work.

Use my earring as a hook.

Trick or treat, kids. Who's hungry?

That's all you brought?

Jawbreakers and nutty bars?

There's protein in the peanut butter, Jen.

Hey, guys, no worries.

I'm on it.

I don't believe you.

I'll eat candy for dinner

before I gore out a fish's innards with a hook

and then suffocate and burn it.

She's right, dude, fishing hurts.

Oh, hon, fish feel no pain.

They're the dumbest things on earth.

Chop, chop, children.

I need some help with the wood.

Uh, duck, duck, goose.

You three, come on.

You should eat something.

Totally vegan.

Not hungry.

Pretty neat trick back there with the boat.

How'd you do that?

I don't know.

I had this...

It's like I've been here before.

Hmm.

That's new.

Chase give that to you?

Kind of earthy of him.

Don't talk to me about chase.

Hey!

Hey, I got one!

[ Laughing ]

Survival of the fittest, baby!

[ Grunting ]

Ah!

[ Choking ]

Get in there! Get in, get in.

[ Growling ]

It's hot. Yes!

Mommy!

Get that, get that!

Get that.

Zoom in! Zoom in on that!

[ Roars ]

[ Whimpers ]

Stop trying to kill us!

Enough already!

Unh!

[ Moaning ]

'95 golden gloves, swamp monkey!

[ Grunting ]

Eightball!

[ Jen ]: Do something!

Maddy, look out!

[ Gasps ]

Huh?

Give me another tape!

Give me another tape!

Tape, tape.

[ Shrieking ]

Do you have any idea

what this is going to do for us?

[ All screaming ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gun cocks ]

Howdy!

Bruce doesn't take kindly to strangers, I'm afraid.

Bit tenacious in his bullying.

Thank you for your help.

Who are you?

Dr. Harryhausen, department of atomic energy.

You kids shouldn't be horsing around out here.

[ Jen ]: What is this place?

Welcome to U.S. army outpost xb27 minus.

It's a tad understaffed these days, I'm sorry to say.

Watch those tripwires, kids.

I really should pick up around here,

but damn if I'm not one of those one-thing-at-a-time types.

The idea of washing dishes

whilst carrying on a conversation

is totally beyond me.

Two, three, four... You're quite a crowd.

It's awfully nice to have company.

Are you kids hungry?

We're kind of in a hurry.

Can you tell us what's going on here?

Progress, my boy. Progress.

Look around you, what do you see?

Clutter, mess, dirty dishes in the sink.

What's the obsession with dirty dishes?

It's what we are, really,

deep down...

A big, slimy, gooey mess.

You ever see a man splayed open,

looked deeply into his innards?

Not before this trip, but go on.

Confusing, isn't it?

Not all organized, cleaned and pressed properly.

First dishes, now laundry?

Yeah, but, sir,

physicians have mapped the human body.

I mean, there's method behind the mechanics

and structure,

beneath all the blood and... Goo.

Hogwash!

Doctors don't know anything.

My sister's a doctor.

Oh, you should hear some of the stories.

It's worse than the food service industry.

The nature of things...

Is disorganized mess.

We waste our lives developing perfumey deodorants

when b.O. Is what we are

by design,

but even here, in the jungle,

I can hear my mother's voice...

"Clean up your room, freak!

"Hey, freak!

Go down to the store and get me my cough syrup and smokes!"

Tea, anyone?

[ Screaming ]

Get this thing off of me!

Help! Help!

It was trying to eat my brain!

Bad Rudy!

Bad, bad, bad little Rudy!

[ Quacks ]

What the hell is that?

Predatory fungus

with a dash of horseshoe crap.

[ Warbling ]

A mutated crossbreed?

Oh, just a mutt named Rudy,

but he wasn't trying to eat your friend's brains out.

Little fella's in heat.

Good thing orifice identification

isn't his strong point.

Oh... ew!

Ugh!

Such is the price of arrogance, kids.

In 1967, the army stole this land

from the mombata islanders,

who lived right here.

You won't find them in any book.

A lost tribe, a holdover from the stone age.

What happened?

We gave them some colored beads

and relocated them for their own protection.

The tough ones refused to be intimidated.

Strong warriors these folks were.

Pioneers in the martial arts.

So the army left them right here.

They believed

that their goddess, queen mohatcha,

would protect them.

Alas, they were sorely mistaken.

Four h-bombs were detonated in these waters.

I was among the team sent in to investigate the effects

on the environment and the wildlife.

Our findings...

Well, by now, you know the results.

Yeah, horny nuclear mutants.

Oh, it was a bad scene for a while.

Considered, uh, checking out more than once.

Nitro.

Figured if it got bad enough,

I'd bash this sucker over my head

and see what's next.

I can think of less painful ways

than blowing yourself up.

Points for dramatic effect, though.

Not quite time yet.

I still feel that one must go through hell

to experience the real value of heaven.

Anyway, it'll all be over soon.

What do you mean?

The end is near, kids.

This land is so polluted, so sick with corruption,

it's in its death throes.

Meaning?

The island's going to sink.

Oh, my god, you've got to be kidding!

What dumbass did the location scout

for this thing?

Doctor, when?

When exactly is the island going to sink?

Oh, it could be minutes, it could be days.

If there's anything I've learned

in this life,

it's that there's no such beast as an exact science.

Anyone like a beer?

This is ridiculous.

Can you tell us the quickest way to the big mountain?

The mountain?

Tell me what you know about the mountain.

Only no one has dared venture there for many years.

My entire team perished on that rock.

It was not meant for man to tread upon.

We have no choice.

Our friend is trapped up there.

If she's even still alive.

I think we should listen--

she lives.

She waits...

And she is not alone.

Are you on something?

Doctor, we're running out of time.

Please, if you know anything...

Cut through the greenhouse,

then a quick right past the mass grave.

There's an old army road.

Thank you.

Do you want to come with us?

Thank you, child, no.

The jungle's my home.

I'll stay here with my babies.

[ Warbling ]

I owe them that.

I felt it.

You were chosen, my dear.

Where you go, there's hope.

[ Andy ]: Figuring this magnetic blackout

lasts no more than 24 hours,

I'd say that leaves us

with about eight left to grab Carmen

and make it back before the boat leaves.

[ Jen ]: Not a lot of time.

[ Chase ]: It's definitely not enough time.

I mean, you heard what the quack said.

This place could go down any sec.

I mean, I think we've done all we can do here.

[ Lil mindi ]: Totally.

From a journalistic standpoint,

we've captured the whole story.

[ Chase ]: All we're doing is wasting time.

Wait a minute.

Look, guys, I don't know what's up there,

but whatever it is, it's gonna be bad.

It's gonna be worse than bad, probably.

Deadly, most likely.

Uh, pep talk going a little astray, buddy.

Yeah, um...

What I'm trying to say is I...

I wouldn't blame anyone for turning back.

Rightness lights our path.

Our cause will deliver us.

Okay...

The mountain waits.

We go.

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

Let's get it on.

Yeah.

Hey, maddy, what's up?

Look, I know things are kind of weird right now,

but you're freaking me out.

The problem is not mine,

but yours.

Why are you talking like that?

Even when you act, you question.

No faith.

Look, Yoda,

you're the one who picked 'fraidy-pants

to be your new suitor, okay,

so you're not exactly

in any kind of position to--

feel.

Not those.

My heart.

It beats with the rhythm of the ancient drums.

The mountain beckons me,

its power increasing with each step closer--

I feel, I feel.

No.

The mountain is everything.

Right.

Here, let me help you with that.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Is everybody crazy but me?

I mean, this is crazy, right?

No. I know.

I mean, it'd be different

if they knew what they were doing.

You know, had solid leadership?

Sort of puts things in perspective, though,

you know?

Makes you realize what's really important.

Heard that.

Seriously,

what can a lousy television show mean

when so many lives are at stake?

Everything. If I'm stuck here,

I'm going to damn sure make it worth my while.

You know, forget freakin' trl,

I'm going straight to entertainment tonight.

Listen, let me do you the courtesy

of being frank.

Okay, I can't allow that footage of me...

Back there with the fish-guy

to be seen by millions of people.

I mean, it would ruin my political career

before it even gets started.

I'm being groomed

to be a very important political figure.

You're asking me to deliberately alter the truth?

That goes against

every journalistic ethic--

cut the crap, okay? I know who you are.

You're a shameless opportunist.

I know that because I'm exactly the same way,

and we both know

that success in this world hinges on perception.

The truth?

It doesn't mean a damn thing.

Now, naturally,

I'm willing to discuss adequate compensation for your help--

look. No amount of money in the world's

going to make me part with that footage.

What kind of pinhead do you think I am?

My future is riding in this bag.

Your future's your own damn business,

and if that's the sharpest political maneuver you got,

you got a lot more to worry about

than some lousy videotape.

Hey, man...

I'm sorry if I hesitated back there.

Hey, that's cool.

You're just thinking of your friends.

That's the mark of a good leader.

Thanks, but..

I think it's more that I was just scared.

Hey, we're all scared, brother.

You know,

fear's the toughest beast there is,

and it ain't never licked.

All you can do

is keep beating it back.

I sense something here.

What now?

Dude...bad vibes.

Andy...

What do you think made that?

[ Gasping ]

Could be mechanical.

When they were bulldozing the road, maybe.

[ Monster roaring ]

We go.

Tarzan's right.

Let's move.

Back!

Just hold onto me. It'll be okay.

It's coming. Come on, maddy.

[ Eightball ]: Come on. Run.

[ Maddy ]: To the machine. Take shelter.

No way, not him again.

[ Roars questioningly ]

[ Roaring ]

Oh, my god, this is it. This is it.

Get a hold of yourself.

What the hell is this?

They're fighting. They're fighting.

I got 20 bucks on the one on the left.

I don't think it's a fight.

What are you talking about?

Well, you see the one on the left?

Well, I'm pretty sure that one's a female.

[ Stack ]: That's my girl.

And the one on the right?

That one's definitely male.

Definitely male.

So it's get-busy time?

It's big busy.

I think it's kind of romantic.

Now, I don't disagree.

It's just, well, you see,

if the female behaves

like a normal-sized praying mantis...

Oh, my god.

Wham, bam, thanks, you dead.

[ Muttering ]

Um, krueger...

What should we do now?

Stay here and be still.

Maybe she's had her fill

of ass-kicking today.

[ Rumbling ]

That's it.

Go. Go.

Goodbye.

[ Cell phone rings ]

Are you kidding me?

Whose cell phone is that?

Someone. Who's--

yeah. Oh, hey, Bob.

[ Bob staton ]: What's up?

Are you nuts?

Definitely, definitely.

We've got some amazing stuff here.

I think you'll be very happy.

[ Roaring ]

You idiot.

Go. Go. Go.

Bob, I'll just get you to hold for a second,

'cause I really have to run.

Retreat.

Make way.

Move, move, move, move, move.

Um, just wait a minute.

[ Roaring ]

What the hell was that?

That? That was a giant praying mantis.

Did you get it on tape?

Of course I got it on tape.

Yes.

Okay, look, we're all back on the boat,

ready to set sail.

Tell us where you are. We'll come and get you.

How the hell should I know?

Near the mountain somewhere.

Just get me the hell out of here.

Okay, okay, just, um...

All right.

Looks like there's a small stretch of beach

on the west side of the mountain.

We'll circle around back and meet you there, okay?

Guard the footage with your life.

This way.

Let's go.

How the hell are we going to get through that?

Move.

Go, go, go, go.

Where's eightball?

Where's eightball?

Josh, come on.

It's coming.

[ Jen ]: Josh,

cross over.

Run.

Eightball.

Eightball.

[ Roars ]

There you go!

Whoa.

Eightball in the corner pocket.

Yeah.

Josh, get going.

Go.

Come on.

[ Roars ]

[ Jen ]: Eightball, look out.

[ Screaming ]

Get out.

Back. Go away.

Pick on someone your own size.

Leave me alone.

Oh, which one?

Leave him alone, leave him alone.

Come on, eightball, get him.

Yeah!

Yeah.

You'd better start prayin' now.

[ Roars ]

Ooh, baby, that's the way I like it.

Let's go, baby.

[ Yelling ]

Who's the big man now, huh?

[ Gasps ]

Eightball.

Keep going.

Get Carmen.

No, eightball, come on, get him.

Fight.

Come on, big mama. Let's go for a ride.

[ Yelling ]

No!

[ Crashing ]

He's gone.

Let's go.

Where?

Wh--where are we going?

We're gonna walk around in circles until--

until giant maggots squirm us to death,

or--or--or huge moths rip up all our clothes,

or dung beetles the size of--of--of cows

rip us to pieces because they hate our freedom.

Why don't you just shut up?

No, I won't shut up.

I'm done shutting up. You're gonna listen to me now--

coward.

I sever all ties with you.

The foulest dung of the lowest creature

holds a greater place in my heart.

Speak to me no more.

The mountain is near.

One hour.

This way.

How do you know?

I know.

She knows.

Let's get moving.

No way.

"X" marks the spot.

I almost don't believe it.

That thing took her up top, then disappeared.

Maybe there's some kind of nest up there?

Weapons.

Right.

What do we got?

Bear mace?

Brass knuckles?

Nobody messes with Jen, unless Jen wants to be messed.

Okay, well, besides tomb raider, here,

the rest of us are a little light.

We must be resourceful.

[ Whistles ]

Hiyah. Hiyah.

Whoooaah...

[ Imitates arrow whooshing ]

Let's do this.

Going somewhere?

Whoa, whoa, wait.

You don't want to go out there alone.

Let me help.

Yeah, I'm sure

you're real concerned for my safety.

Come on, I want to get out of here, same as you.

It's an even trade.

You obviously know the way out.

I got your back.

Fine.

Come on, jackass.

This is strange topography.

Porous.

You mean like a volcano?

I hope not.

Hey, you sure you know where you're going?

Hey, look.

Shut up.

Let's go, hustle, girl.

Shut up.

That producer guy must be picking them up.

Good riddance.

Yeah, but you don't believe

they'd leave without us?

How much longer?

I think we're getting close.

I can hear the ocean--

ugh.

What the hell?

Well, well.

"So nice to see you..."

Said the spider to the fly.

Get me the hell out of here.

Oh, great. Very good.

Bravo. Mission accomplished.

Now, cut me loose.

You know, I get anywhere near that stuff,

I'm going to be as stuck as you.

You weak chicken-ass.

Go get help. Get to the boat.

Where are they meeting us?

The beach against the west face of the mountain.

Well, now we both know, don't we?

I'm gonna make sure

they do a real nice tribute piece on you.

How's that for political maneuvering?

[ Hissing ]

Ooh...

Check it out.

Help me.

[ Lil mindi screaming ]

[ Crunching sound ends screaming ]

Scratch one wannabe.

She had her priorities completely misaligned.

Except for her abs.

Stay focused.

We're running out of time.

Oh, wow...

Yeah.

What the hell is this?

The beginning of the end.

A volcano. I knew it.

I don't know.

[ Liquid bubbling ]

Well, what's happening, captain?

This is a piece of her dress.

She's here.

She's here.

And she may be naked.

[ Whirring ]

[ Roaring ]

This is no volcano.

Withdraw.

Oh, you want my candy?

You can't have my candy.

No, you can't.

What? What?

[ Yelling ]

Okay. Okay, maybe you can have a Kit Kat,

or a nutty bar or something.

[ Grumbles ]

Nice shooting.

Archery ribbon.

I guess weeblo camp wasn't a total waste.

It looks like...

An ant.

A soldier ant.

This whole mountain is one giant anthill.

But how could that be?

Whatever grabbed Carmen has wings.

Ants don't fly.

There's one that does.

One indeed...

The queen has wings.

Highest marks, Andy.

What are you doing up here, doc?

I figured you kids could use a hand.

[ Jen ]: Josh...

It smells like your shoes down here.

Shut up.

All right, kids, keep your eyes open.

Little help. No?

Doc, how many more of those ants

do you think are down here?

Thousands, I would think.

Normally, yes,

but many years ago,

the army just napalmed the hell

out of this hill,

exterminating almost the entire colony.

My team and I went in

with specially designed gas guns

that were meant to sterilize the survivors.

We completed our mission,

but not before the surviving ants

had their revenge.

The queen herself killed most of my men.

So it's payback time.

She was understandably angry,

but, yes, I miss my colleagues.

[ Jen ]: Okay...

I'm officially freaked out.

Turn off your lights.

We're in the main chamber.

[ Screeching ]

Regal, isn't she?

It's no wonder she still reigns.

Yeah, I'd do her.

If I was an ant.

I don't see Carmen.

Where is she?

[ Screeching ]

[ Screeching ]

[ Men chanting ]

Who are these guys?

Ah, yes...

The missing mombata tribe.

[ Harryhausen ]: The warriors who refused to leave the island

those many years ago.

[ Grunting ]

Now, that's a big banana.

What are they doing here?

Why are they in business with the ants?

[ Roaring screech ]

[ Harryhausen ]: They don't appear

to be partners with the queen.

More like...

Slaves.

[ Moaning ]

Indeed.

Enslaved to do the work of the colony.

But why would they allow it?

There are only a few giant ants, and so many of them.

They are oppressed...

Their souls weakened by bondage.

Now what?

[ Grunts ]

Look.

Carmen...

[ Sighs ]

[ Roars ]

They got a band, too.

♪ Jungle fever ♪

♪ jungle love ♪

Bastards.

♪ Temperature's rising ♪

[ Crowd grunting approval ]

♪ Got me burning ♪

Burn...

♪ Burning up ♪

They like it.

Of course.

Even abducted and abused,

Carmen's got it going on.

That's why she got grabbed, to keep the slaves happy.

♪ I'm in flames ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby that can't be tamed ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

[ Crowd grunting ]

My people are not themselves.

You're one to talk.

They worship a false god.

I have come to deliver them.

Indeed you have,

and you shall.

Go to your people.

Show them who you are.

Who is she?

Who are you?

I am mohatcha.

The physical incarnation of their goddess queen.

Maddy, wait.

Let her go.

It's her destiny,

and it might be just the edge you need

to save your friend.

Mohatcha Ben wadaah!

[ Screeching ]

Mohatch...

Mohatcha.

Mohatcha?

[ Chanting ]: Mohatcha. Mohatcha. Mohatcha.

Mohatcha.

Mohatcha. Mohatcha...

[ Roaring ]

[ Chanting continues ]

Mohatcha. Mohatcha. Mohatcha.

Mohatcha. Mohatcha.

Mohatcha. Mohatcha. Mohatcha. Mohatcha.

Wa-beesa zumbadah.

[ Cheering ]

Mohatcha. Zumbadah.

Zumbadah.

[ Shouting war cries ]

The revolution has started.

Go now, while there's a diversion.

Jen, come with me.

Andy, stay with the doc and look after maddy.

We're going after Carmen.

Josh...

Josh, I think we should go--

[ screams ]

Oh, god.

God.

Thank you.

Shut up.

Mootcha.

So I'll--I'll call you, right?

[ Roaring ]

[ Screaming ]

Stop.

[ Grunting ]

Mohatcha... our friend.

Our friend.

Mohatcha kahn-toocha?

Yes...

Yes, maddy.

I mean, mohatcha...

With me.

You guys better get down there.

Help out your homies.

Go, go, go, go.

Carmen.

Josh?

Yeah, me.

Weird, right?

Come on, we've got to get out of here.

Let's go.

The end is upon us.

The island's sinking?

Now?

Okay, your highness?

Time to go.

Mombatas! Avacha Khan.

Avacha Khan.

Avacha Khan. Avacha Khan.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey.

Over here.

[ Ship's horn blowing ]

Attention all hands...

Who the hell's that?

Underwater seismic activity detected.

Prepare for immediate departure.

I don't see lil mindi anywhere.

[ Ship's horn blowing ]

Prepare for immediate departure.

So I'll write a book instead.

I got Carmen.

Hey.

Which way is out?

Um, looks like someone's watching way too much charmed.

Long story. Doc, exit?

I know of a ventilation shaft.

It's our quickest escape route.

I have little mindi's bag.

I...

[ Ship's horn blowing ]

No...

No.

Nobody abandons chase newsom.

Come on, let's go.

That's it, there it is, come on.

A bit treacherous, I'm afraid.

Yeah, treacherous.

You made it.

Look, I just took on a whole room full of ants.

Okay?

So whatever's out there,

it's not as bad.

Let's go.

Oh, yeah.

[ Roaring ]

[ Yelling ]

Come on, guys. Let's go.

Do you like pets?

Yeah, I have two cats, both rescues.

I've got another one for you.

[ Warbling ]

Keep him warm.

Sing to him at night.

He likes that.

Carmen, maddy, go.

Okay.

You're next, doc.

No, you run along.

I have something I have to do.

I owe a debt to some old friends.

You're sure you know what you're doing?

I'm sure.

Happy trails.

[ Screaming ]

Let's finish this, shall we, my dear?

Here's your cough syrup and smokes, ma.

Run.

Where's Dr. Harryhausen?

He didn't make it.

Where's the boat?

They left us. I knew it.

How could they?

That's showbiz, baby.

Everyone's expendable.

That's so hardcore.

[ Explosion ]

[ Rumbling ]

We're definitely gonna die.

[ Screaming ]

Big trouble, big trouble.

Oh, my god, hold on to me.

Mohatcha. Mohatcha.

Wutchu banna zhan.

Banna zhan.

Hey, what's with the loser?

What's going on?

My people have resettled on a nearby atoll

where they will begin again.

Can they give us a ride?

Our destiny lies elsewhere.

We must remain strong.

We must stay united.

Oh, I imagine that concept comes easy to you,

seeing as how you are a warrior goddess.

Prepare for our deliverance.

Mohatcha Ben wadaah.

Mohatcha.

Look, enough's enough.

If we're gonna die,

I want to get a few things off my chest.

Mohatcha vahn wassah.

Maddy, you're the only person I really care about

in the whole world.

Zahatcha pahn wahna bahtu.

Life's a crappy black hole without you.

I'm a better person with you.

You've made me see so many things that I've never seen.

Zutu pahna hatcha matcha.

Maddy, shut up.

Who the hell do you think you are,

telling me to shut up?

[ Grunting ]

No, it's cool. They used to go out.

You're back.

Maddy...

You are maddy again, right?

Yeah. Who else would I be?

Hey...

I was going to wait for the time to be right,

but I must tell you now...

I love you, Jen.

I've always loved you.

You're such a dork.

I'm in a rock band, you know?

Sorry, I'm married.

Okay, burn it up.

Come on.

I am ready.

I'm ready...

I'm ready for the great metamorphosis.

Come on, hit me.

Yeah.

Monkey.

Hit me again.

I am ready, and I am not afraid.

Wait.

You guys hear that?

Look.

[ Shouting ]

Over here.

We're going to make it.

You guys okay?

[ Screaming ]: Oh, my god, it's Nick Carter.

Some gig, huh, carm?

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

He was supposed to be our surprise musical guest.

Yeah, but our instruments, you know, they kept bugging out.

We got lost.

Bermuda triangle's a spooky place, dude.

[ Squeals ]

Most spooky.

We can discuss this in the air.

Let's go.

Let's go.

[ Warbling ]

Oh, look at you, you cute little thing.

Isn't he cute?

[ Grunting ]

Yeah, we got some pretty big gigs coming up.

A lot of major label interest.

You can sign it, "to Jen, love always",

and you can put your phone number, too.

I don't believe it.

It felt like a dream, but...

It's real.

Yeah.

You were something else back there,

let me tell you.

You were pretty hot with that machete.

But you made it happen.

You acted when nobody else would.

I think I was curious to see what would happen

if I actually did do something.

To tell you the truth, I did it for you.

You know...

The aquarium is enslaving a whole family of killer whales

for the summer tourist trade, and--

I'm there.

The last thing I want to do

is piss off another water mammal.

Wait. Wait.

Right over here.

Hey, wait. Wait.

Wait.

All right, we got to keep it together.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Come on, chase.

Remember jfk.

Pt-109.

Survived on coconuts.

So did Tom Hanks.

Come on, chase.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

[ Monster chuckling ]

Nobody abandons chase newsom.

[ Screaming ]

[ Mimics arrow whooshing ]

Mohatcha Ben wadaah.

I ain't going into any jungle with y'all.

Are you guys okay?

The queen has wings.

Ah. Get out. Go away.

This is no volcano.

Hiyah. Hiyah.

Whooaah...

[ Screaming ]

Worldwide service, my ass.

I'll do it.

I'll get everything we need.

Hey, are we still getting paid for the whole gig?

I don't see lil mindi anywhere.

[ Screeching ]

[ Roaring ]

[ Roaring ]

Zumbadah.

[ Roars ]

Ah!

Mootcha.

[ Growls ]

Mohatch... mohatcha.

[ Hissing ]

Predatory fungus with a dash of horseshoe crap.

[ Muttering ]

[ Warbles ]

Action.

You know, most girls are afraid of bugs,

but I'm not.

In fact, I think you're kind of cute.

All right, big boy.

God, I'm sorry.

Cut it, right away.

[ ♪ ]

♪ Jungle fever ♪

♪ jungle love ♪

♪ temperature's rising ♪

♪ got me burning, burning ♪

♪ burning up ♪

♪ and I can't control it ♪

♪ I'm in flames ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby that can't be tamed ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

♪ fire, fire ♪

♪ sweaty and sweet ♪

♪ when we kiss ♪

♪ can you feel the feel the ♪

♪ feel the heat ♪

♪ baby, baby ♪

♪ we got it bad ♪

♪ I said yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

♪ jungle love ♪

♪ temperature's rising ♪

♪ got me burning, burning ♪

♪ burning up ♪

♪ and I can't control it ♪

♪ I'm in flames ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby that can't be tamed ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

♪ I said yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

♪ jungle love ♪

♪ temperature's rising ♪

♪ got me burning, burning ♪

♪ burning up ♪

♪ and I can't control it ♪

♪ I'm in flames ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby that can't be tamed ♪

♪ jungle fever ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, yeah ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, baby ♪

♪ it's a wild thing, yeah ♪

[ Thunder rolling ]

[ Jungle noises ]