Original subtitles

Hey, hi.

Happy my birthday. Happy my birthday. Watch out.

Watch out.

I

think

the stairs are broken.

Yeah, Dad broke it while chasing a raccoon down the stairs.

Raccoon? Oh, don't worry. He trapped it in the fridge.

The fridge?

Don't worry. We unplugged it and drilled some air holes.

Drilled?

Animal control said they'd come get it, but it's Sunday, so it might take a

while. They love brunch.

Right.

So, uh, can I open my present?

No, not until your dad gets home.

Come on. No, birthdays are a family celebration.

We celebrate together or not at all. Okay, all right, fine, but when, where

he? When is he coming back?

Uh, he's picking up your cake and getting tested for rabies.

Happy your birthday, Henry. I'll open my present, all right? Watch out.

Jasper!

Yeah, I'm just gonna set this down like a normal person.

Hey, I'm normal. I'm just like everybody.

Do I smell raccoon?

Air hole in the fridge.

Wait, for real? There's a raccoon in the refrigerator?

Yes.

It's on the left side.

And I haven't got rabies.

Oh, my God. Congratulations.

Oh, wow, Dad, that raccoon really got you good.

Oh, these?

No, these scratches aren't from the raccoon.

Well,

what are they from?

The angry mob at the Mexican cake store.

Uno dos cakes?

Correctamundo. I had to fight a bunch of people to get the very last Diaz Leches

ice cream cake.

Wow. Diaz Leches?

Ten leches?

And one cake?

That's so many leches.

Let's stop ad -libbing excitement and eat this cake before it melts.

I'll get the candle. Okay, Mom.

Wait a second. There's not actually a raccoon in this refrigerator.

Figure out which one of these little squares is my camera.

Oh, my God, give it.

Okay, ball test.

Turns out it was an application called camera.

Ah.

Action.

Happy birthday to you.

I'm sorry. Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on for what?

Where are you going?

Where am I going? I have always wanted a surprise party.

So, you know, I'm going to go outside.

For a while. And then I'm going to come back inside.

And then you guys are going to yell surprise, okay?

Ooh, good idea.

I've got a great place to hide.

That was a total lie. I have no idea where to hide. Somebody help me.

Henry, there's blood everywhere.

Oh, my God, what?

Pass up.

The blood bank?

Yeah, you know, where they store blood for people who need surgery and medical

assistance and other things I'll never need because I'm Captain Man.

Not indestructible.

Yeah.

So about the blood bank?

Right, yes.

It's being robbed and we gotta go stop it.

I like the sound of that Henry, so stop it.

Uh, the...

My birthday today.

You remember, right? And we're about to start a birthday party, so can I just

take the day off?

Crime doesn't take birthdays off, Henry. Neither do superheroes and their

sidekicks. You took four days off last month to ride every roller coaster in

Texas.

I have five, and now those are my birthday.

Come on, Ray.

You know, someone else is celebrating a birthday today. Her name is Crime, and

she's having her party at the Blood Bank right now.

You and I are both invited, and it's BYO 5th, so I'll see you there.

Uh,

I just got a text from Henry. He said he won't be back for a while.

Why not?

Yeah, where'd he go?

It's a trick. We still have to hide.

In his text, he said, I gotta go make up excuse.

Makeup excuse?

No, no, no, no. No, not makeup excuse.

Makeup excuse! Yeah, he said he had to excuse himself so he can go buy some

makeup at the makeup store.

Henry wears makeup?

Have you seen him without it?

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good.

I know that.

You guys got a spare hammer?

Sledge if possible.

Why would we have a hammer? If we did have a hammer, why would we give it to

you, Jeff? And why would you try to rob a blood bank?

Because banks have money.

Look at the size of this safe here.

That's not a sink, that's a refrigerator.

And it opens by pulling the lever.

But the sign, it says... Bank. And bank.

They have money. I can't do it. I can't do it. I

can't deal with it. I can't deal with it, man.

Sorry.

Sorry, man.

I really want to be at my birthday party right now. Hey.

Hey. You never have to apologize for zapping Jeff.

Now go on, get out of here, birthday boy.

Really? Yeah, yeah, I got this. I can leave? Yeah, go on.

Oh, thanks, man.

My dad went to that new Mexican cake shop.

One of those cakes?

Yeah, he got the last Diaz Leches ice cream cake.

Diaz Leches?

Huh?

Diaz? That means ten.

Ten Leches?

In one pick?

See?

seeing Diaz let his cake right now.

Uh, because superheroes and their sidekicks don't take days off. Remember,

said that.

Yeah, but now I want cake, so let's go.

Up the rope.

Okay, here we go. Ready? Yep. Let's do it.

It's really hard to get back up.

Hey, why don't you give me a boost? Huh? Yeah, and then I'll give you a boost.

Wait, how am I going to get up? I'll give you a boost. Are you proud?

I've got to get a purchase.

Here, you know what? I've got an idea. I've just got to get a purchase.

What are you doing, dude?

What are you doing? That's not doing anything at all. This is impossible. No,

I'm not.

What'd you tie this thing to, anyway?

Uh, like an air conditioning unit.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Smart.

It's really dirty, so I don't really think it's going anywhere.

Let's just walk out the door.

how much longer I can keep this cake from melting.

Then we better eat it now. I'll go first.

Uh, no, no, no. We have to wait for Henry.

Well, you gotta give me something, Jasper.

I'm bored.

I need something to do with my hands. I feel weird if I'm not doing anything

with my hands.

Uh, well, then use your hands to feed the raccoon. He sounds hungry.

I'm hiding so I can surprise Henry.

Honey, just feed the raccoon.

I don't think Henry's going to be home for a while.

Fine. But if I get out of my hiding spot and Henry comes home and sees me, I'm

going to be... Yeah, I'm home.

Oh, come on!

How's everybody doing?

Surprise!

Uh, I brought my boss, Ray. Hey. Hey, hi.

How's it going?

Okay. So where's that cake, huh? Let's eat that cake.

How was the makeup store?

Huh? Makeup store? Yeah. What are you talking about? You went to the makeup

store, remember?

You sent us that text about the makeup excuse.

Which clearly meant you were going to the makeup store.

Clearly.

Yes. Yes, I, uh, I was at the makeup store.

Buying makeup.

At the store.

Uh, cool. Yep.

Uh -huh.

What'd you buy? Hmm?

What'd you buy?

It's a good question, Dad. What did I buy? I bought the makeup.

Well, where is it?

Good question, sis. Where is the makeup?

Okay, so I don't have it, obviously, because I saw an ugly person on the

and I gave them all my makeup because they were so ugly.

That's our boy.

And where'd you come from? Were you at the makeup store, too?

Uh, yes. Yes, he was. He was at the makeup store. That's where I saw him.

one.

I was at the gym.

Yeah, it's, uh, legs, back, arms, chest, fists, feet, and neck day.

Hey, that was weird. Uh, why are we using our mouths to talk when we could

using those same mouths to, uh, eat the, uh, Diaz Leche's ice cream cake?

I like where your head's at.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.

All right.

Happy birthday to you.

Emergency call.

We've got to go.

Emergency? What do you mean?

That's a good question, Henry's mom.

It's an emergency reminder.

Emergency reminder for the birthday surprise that I'm going to do for Henry.

firework?

Yeah. The fireworks.

The private fireworks show that only Henry and I can watch. Yeah, well, it's

about to start, so we got to go see it. So don't start eating that cake without

us. We'll be right back. Bye.

Let's call Schwoz and see what he... What was

that? What are you doing?

Making them think there's fireworks out here.

Good idea.

All right, ready?

Hey, what's up, Schwoz?

I just got an emergency call about the blood bank.

Yeah, what about the blood bank?

Did you guys forget something, like maybe to take Jeff to jail?

Boom! Good plan!

He's robbing that same blood bank again, and you need to go stop him.

Okay,

Henry, you go to the blood bank and deal with Jeff. Yeah.

I'll stay here.

And?

And that's it. That's the whole plan.

Why do I have to go?

It's my birthday. Those are my presents. And I would like to eat my Diaz Leches

cake.

Diaz Leches?

Yeah. Go Brown!

That's ten leches.

Right. And I would like to eat those ten leches, which is why I want Ray to go

deal with Jeff.

That's seven more leches.

Please go deal with Jeff.

Just hear me out here.

If I go to the blood bank and deal with Jeff, your

family's going to sing you happy birthday, and then by the time I get

cake's going to be gone, and then I'm not going to get any cake.

Wow,

these fireworks are amazing, Ray. Thanks.

Go on.

But if you go and deal with Jeff, Everyone's going to wait until you get

sing happy birthday, and then we both get a cake.

Okay,

but don't eat that cake until I get back.

Promise. All right.

Happy birthday!

Not just me. Henry has to go back to the makeup store.

I'm trying to steal this air conditioning unit.

Why would you need an industrial air conditioning unit?

Okay, so you know I had to move back home with my mom?

No, why would I know that?

Well, you know how she doesn't have any air conditioning in her apartment?

Still no, Jeff.

Okay, so you know how sweaty I get.

Actually, that one I do know.

Well, not anymore, baby. Not with this thing.

Help me get it out of here. See, I'll grab the ropes. If you grab my sweaty

waist, we can snaggle it out of here.

Why, why?

Hey, Henry, is everything okay?

Hey, uh, yeah, Schwoz, I just zapped Jeff again. Can you come here and watch

till the cops show up?

Yeah, here's the thing. I'm kind of at a birthday party right now.

Whose birthday party is it, Schwoz?

Um... Schwoz?

Yours, okay? I'm at your party.

Why are you at my party?

I really... I told your family I'm a new neighbor who just moved here from

Germany. Here you go, Hans.

He's definitely German.

Okay.

Okay, Schwoz, it's my birthday.

I should be at my birthday party, not you.

Listen, I'm sure the police will be there in a minute. Just wait until they

Jeff up and then you can come back to your party.

No!

Oh, got to go.

They're letting your sister open your presents because she needs something to

with her hands.

What? No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't.

I love it.

Did you say it's your birthday?

Happy birthday.

I guess you can't have her live because you don't like her.

What's up?

I don't live here.

I'm here to pick up the raccoon.

It's in the fridge.

He drilled air holes.

Once again, I don't live here.

Wait.

Is that a Nueve Leches ice cream cake?

Yes.

Oh!

T .S. Leches!

That's right.

She's beautiful.

I don't know how much longer this cake is going to last.

Let's just eat it.

Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake.

No, we cannot eat the cake until we sing happy birthday to my son.

Why don't we just call him and sing him happy birthday over pear face?

and blow out your candle.

I want that piece.

But that's the last piece.

And you already had one.

So? We need to save that piece for Henry.

Unhand me, boy.

Jasper, what are you doing? There's a raccoon in that fridge.

Well, I know. If anybody tries to take Henry's final piece of cake, I'm going

let this raccoon out.

That's a bad idea.

I'll do it.

You don't have the guts.