Original subtitles

Now, to save money on eyeshadow, I suggest using paprika.

And instead of foundation, which is really expensive, you can use hummus.

Oh, and notice how I'm not using a sponge.

This is just an old tissue I found in the trash.

Yeah, I'm not putting hummus on my face.

Hey, hey.

Hey, Charlotte. Hey, what's up, Charlotte?

So, what happened?

Oh, well, we showed up at the playground, right? Yeah, and there's

of second graders playing in the sandbox.

They were playing in the sandbox. Yeah, I just said that.

Yeah, right, right.

What the kids didn't realize was that there was a nest of scorpions right in

sandbox.

Scorpions? Yeah. They're all crawling all over them, and the kids are freaking

out. Oh, they're on my face!

Oh, for the love of God! Get the scorpions out of my face!

Then we just grabbed the fire hose. Oh, big old fire hose. Just sprayed the

scorpions off the kids.

Hey, that's Jasper calling from upstairs.

Ah, great.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, it's me, Jasper.

Yeah, we can see you.

Cool. So, Henry.

Yeah, what's up, big dog? What do you need?

Your sister is here.

What? Why? What does she want?

I don't know. I told her you were busy, and then she got mad and said she's not

leaving until she talks to you.

Are you sure she's mad?

Yeah, look at her pacing angrily.

Just tell her that I'll see her at home before I leave for New York. Huh?

You're going to New York?

Yeah, for the weekend.

Why?

Because you don't need to know why, that's why.

Hey,

Ari tried telling Piper you'd talk to her later.

And? She grabbed my earlobe and yanked it really hard.

And then she started asking all kinds of questions about junk and stuff and why

you're never here and why there's no customers.

All right, kid. Maybe you better go upstairs and get rid of your sister. All

right. Okay.

Back in a sec.

Uh, kid? Huh? What?

Maybe you want to chew some gum before you go see your sister?

Why, is my breath bad?

Yeah, it smells like kid danger.

Ah, good catch.

That's why you're the boss, buddy.

What? What?

What? On your back. A scorpion.

All right.

Here.

Kill it.

Kill it on my back.

Okay. Come on. What are you waiting for?

I don't want to hurt you.

Dude, I'm indestructible, so.

All right. All right. All right. All right. Okay, so just get set.

of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an indestructible

hired me to be his sidekick. Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Will you turn that off?

But I'm watching Kevin can James.

Well, where is Henry?

Right here.

Oh, it's about time.

Hey, turn that off.

But this is the episode where Kevin is finally going to James.

Okay, what? I need your help.

Uh, no.

You don't even know what I want you to do. Well, I have a job here, okay,

I'm, you know, I'm working.

Really? Because every time I come here to see you, you're never in this store.

So what exactly do you really do around here?

Well, I sometimes work in the back.

In the garden.

There's a garden in the back?

Yeah.

Okay, it's a rear garden.

So...

Rear garden.

Whatever. You gotta help me. With what?

Get a boyfriend.

Gross.

It's not gross. It's gonna be magical.

Look, Piper, I don't know how to get you a boyfriend.

I know. You don't know how to do anything.

That's why I have it all planned out.

Ooh, what's the plan?

Okay, there's this new boy in my school, right? And his name is Jackson Bartell.

Whoa, great name.

Can I go back to my rear garden, please?

No, listen.

Every day after school, Jackson goes to that coffee shop on Pinehurst. Oh, uh,

downtown Brown?

Yeah. You know, they have great Wi -Fi. I know that.

So, this, uh, Jackson guy, does he like you? No, because he's never met me. You

said he goes to your school.

He's new. I told you that.

All right, come on. The plan, the plan.

Yeah, what's your big plan?

Okay, the plan is we create the perfect meet -cute.

Oh, yes, yes, a meet -cute. Oh, wait, what is a meet -cute?

It's... Like in a movie, when the main guy and the main girl meet in some cute,

funny way, and then later in the movie they fall in love. Yeah, so what I mean

now is a meet -cute with Jackson Bartell.

Well, I don't know anything about meet -cutes, so... I know.

That's why I made an animatic to explain my plan. You made an animatic? Let's

see it. Okay, and there.

Whoa, you animated Downtown Brown.

What? Now see that kid sitting at the table doing his homework?

Yeah?

That's Jackson.

Ah, I knew it. I knew it when I saw his name flashing.

And that's me coming in the door there. Right, okay.

And Henry, that's you over there in the corner.

Why is my hair brown and curly?

Because I animated it brown and curly.

But why?

I guess I never really liked your hair, so I tried something new.

But I like my hair. Can I please get off my plant? Yeah, all right.

I like your hair.

See, as I walked past Jackson's table, you come running at me like a crazy

person, and you yell, Hey, give me that phone!

And then you grab my phone right out of my hand.

Okay. And when you have it, I yell, Ah, that jerk just stole my phone!

At which point, Jackson will jump up and yell, Hey!

And then he will punch you, rescue my phone, and give it back to me.

And that's it.

Questions?

Yes, when did you learn how to make animatics?

That's not the point. Will you help me?

Come on.

Even if I say yeah, how do you know Jackson's going to do all that?

I mean, how do you know he's going to do anything to help you? Love, maybe.

What? Yes, that's Jackson's favorite movie, Love, Maybe.

Such a good film. Okay, wait, what am I missing here?

In the movie, Love Maybe, this is exactly how the girl and guy meet. So,

dude tries to steal Emma Stone's phone, but Channing Tatum tackles the dude,

gets Emma's phone back, and they fall in love on a green boat.

There's no boat in Piper's Animatic. Forget about the boat, okay? You let me

worry about the boat. I'm just saying, if you want that... Can we please go so

we can have our meet -cute? No!

No? Why no?

Because I'm working.

Okay, working.

Or, Gene, I've got to separate these nuts and bolts, all right?

And I have to leave for New York tomorrow, so I don't have time for your

-cuting. I'm sorry.

Oh, come on.

You can't take a half an hour to help your sweet sister. My sweet sister? This

is so important to me, and I am. When I was dying, you put me down the stairs.

No, you're not. She still tells me that I'm nice.

Oh, she does? Yeah, she does.

She calls me.

How long has he been up there?

About five minutes.

Well, it feels like six.

All right, I've had enough of this.

Darling, you want to pick up that popcorn I dropped?

Nah, we'll also just eat it off the floor.

not the boss of me that is true but i am the boss of your

brother henry and since you're directly related to henry via the transit

property ex post facto as long as you're standing in this commercial property

vis -a -vis i am in fact somewhat the boss of you what

uh piper you're creating a disturbance in my workplace

Anybody work in this place. Okay, well... Look at Jasper. Just sitting

doing nothing but stuffing his face full of popcorn.

Piper, go!

Hey, you're his boss.

Dang right.

Then tell him that when a guy's nice little sister needs help to make a meet

-cute happen, her nice...

Yeah, man, what's wrong with you? What?

She needs a favor, man. She's your family. She's your sister.

I get that. Do you have any idea what I'd give to have my sister back?

But I never will.

All because of a dark, rainy Wednesday in Kansas.

And that terrible, awful farm accident.

Oh, my God, seriously?

No, but it happens.

you should appreciate having a sister who's still here and breathing and not

under a dirty tractor wheel in Kansas?

Okay, what planet have I landed on?

You know, you've spent more time whining about why you won't help me when if you

have helped me, we'd be done by now and I'd have a boyfriend named Jackson!

Look, Piper, I want to help you, but I can't act a part for you. That's an

order!

I'm on my lunch break, man.

Piper, come on, let's go.

Oh, yay!

This is going to be so great. Oh, yeah, so great.

Hey, no eating on the job.

I'm on my lunch break.

There, over there. See him? The cute boy in the blue jacket?

Yeah, I see him.

Isn't he cute?

I have no opinion on that.

Well, trust me, he's super cute.

All right, cool, okay.

Boy, blue jacket, super cute. Can we please get this over with? Hey, hold on,

wait. What is that? I'm giving you a disguise.

Hold still and be quiet. What?

Why is this necessary?

Because when Jackson becomes my boyfriend, he's going to meet you

don't want him to think my own brother tried to jack my phone.

All right, well, I... What about...

Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

We good?

Oh, bend down.

Why do I have to bend? Because I said bend down.

Yeah, Mom, I sent you the flowers. You did? Why?

Ah, no reason. Oh, come on, what's the reason? Just because you're my mom.

Oh, my God, you're perfect.

Okay, you look good.

Yeah, I don't know about this.

You remember the animatic?

Yeah, how'd you make that?

I'll tell you later. Just go hide and get ready.

Go.

I'm kidding.

Great. Thanks so much.

This

was

not covered in the animatic.

It's him.

Come on, Kevin.

Show him how to James.

Uh,

you want to help me?

What? Did you help me?

No. You ruined my meat cute.

Oh, my gosh, Henry. What happened?

Henry, are you okay?

No. I'm not.

All right. Tell us what went down.

Oh, I'll tell you what went down.

My body.

through a table, onto the floor.

This is green stuff.

Probably avocado for toast.

So, Piper's animatic didn't work in real life.

It would have worked if Henry had done his part right.

Well, what was I supposed to do?

I ran across the room. I grabbed your phone. I said my line.

Before Jackson could run in, some powerful woman grabbed me and hurled me.

Geez.

Well, why'd you let her throw you across the room?

She didn't offer me another option, Charlotte.

Whatever. Just get cleaned up so that we can go back to downtown Broward and try

again. Are you saying I'm not trying again?

We have to try again. No, I do not either. No, I do not.

You said do.

I meant do.

Everybody here knows I meant do.

I have a question.

Why is it so important for you to have this meet cute?

Huh? Why can't you just go over to Downtown Brown, walk up to this, uh,

uh, boy you like.

Jackson Bartell.

Okay, him.

And just say, Hi, Jackson, my name is, uh... Piper! My

name is Piper, and I really like you. So, what do you think of that?

Oh, Ray, come on!

That would never work in the real world.

Except... Maybe for old people.

Hey, I am not old.

Oh, please.

What are you, like 30?

No, I'm not.

Yeah, yeah, I'm like 30.

Whatever. Just tell Henry that he has to help me, and I need you guys to help me

think of a new meet -cute plan.

Oh. Yes.

Look, paper.

I know you're like 7, and you think you know everything.

I'm Piper, and I'm 12.

Be that as it may, I'm going to show you.

that young love can begin with something as simple as a good old -fashioned,

nice to meet you, how do you do?

Yeah, try that.

Come on, let's go. No, I'm not going till we come up with another meet -you

plan, and then I have to make an animatic of it. When did you learn how

animatics? That's not the point!

Look, we're going to do this my way so that I... All right.

I'm going to carry her over to downtown Brown.

Good. Take your time.

What's going on? Look who's waking up.

How did I get back here?

Look. Well, it's not about how we get places.

It's about what happens at those places after we've gotten there.

Here.

Huh?

So, where's this allegedly cute boy you want to meet so bad?

Oh, he's, um... He's right over there in the cool blue jacket.

Okay, so I'm going to stay right here, and I want you to walk right over to

boy and say, Hi, my name is Paper Heart, and I would like to introduce myself to

you so that we can be...

I used to be a better than average tennis player back in my day.

You mind?

All right, Mr.

Scorpion.

Don't take this personally, but game, set, and smash!

What was that?

racket guy all

right

let's get him out from under that coffee thing you guys see what happened yeah

there was a big adult so apparently Apparently that poorly constructed

case just fell off the wall for no reason that anyone can prove.

Listen, Hopper.

I know you're sad, and I'm sorry that you didn't get to have the meet -cute

you wanted.

Yeah, yeah.

You think that lady paramedic's about the same height as me?

Yeah. So?

Excuse me.

Can I show you something behind that door over there?

Uh, yeah.

Okay.

What happened to me?

Well, you sustained some minor injuries, but luckily we paramedics showed up and

you're going to be okay.

You're a paramedic? Uh -huh. Yeah.

Totally.

You look like you're my age.

Yeah. Well, I'm in the junior paramedics program, so

cool.

You don't happen to go to Swellview Junior High, do you?

Yeah, I just started there.

No way. I go there, too.

I'm Piper Hart.

Jackson Bartell.

Hey.

We should, like, maybe hang out sometime.

Sure. I could hang.

Wow. This is a pretty crazy way for us to meet.

I know.

Isn't it cute?