Original subtitles

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

These aren't opening.

What? I can't open them.

Are they glued?

Have you glued them? Why would I glue them? Have you glued them?

They're not coming apart, look. Look, I'm trying.

Ow! Right under your foot. I cannot... Put it under your foot.

You're not... Oi! Quick!

Just hang it.

Oi! Shit!

Got you, girls. Later, guys. Dude, don't bother running.

I don't understand what happened. Why didn't it open?

I don't know. It was glued.

It was so ridiculous.

Look,

I'm texting Justin.

Justin needs help.

I believe the car.

They've got a picture of you, haven't they? Look, I can't help it. I'm like

Moss. If there's a camera point at me, I just pose. I can't help it. Do you

think someone tipped him off? What was he doing? Why was he knocking on the

window? It's harassment.

It's just women alone trying to steal a J3B. I know.

I'm going to take the picture so the police are going to know it's us.

But I'm not going to prison. You didn't get my picture.

Keep driving. Just keep driving.

It's your fault anyway because you're in the street.

No, you were in the street.

I know. You were at the gate making such a big... Great.

What?

Where are we?

We've run out of petrol.

Why do you need more petrol? I didn't see and I was scared, wasn't I? Stop.

or me being followed by the police?

We're not being followed by the police! You're just being neurotic!

We were! Get some petrol!

Be a normal person!

Neurotic.

Tantrum.

Tantrum.

Get back in.

Get back in.

Don't speak to me.

Do you feel better?

Yes, I do a bit.

What are we going to do?

Okay, so what the plan is, is that we're going to get out of the car.

Look, there's no need to go cross -country.

There are not going to be helicopters looking for JCBC. We never know.

We've stolen a car. We haven't stolen a car. We've borrowed a car.

We've borrowed a car.

Yeah, whatever.

What a pair of fucking turtle jokers.

Where are we? Get a map out. Where are we? I don't know.

I need to wee.

I'm hungry. I'm really hungry. No, stop talking.

Find a map. No, there's not going to be food.

This is not an A to Z.

There is no A to Z. There's no map. Of course not an A to Z. Find a map and we

will go to town.

Dishy. No, no, don't eat that. No, that looks old.

Oh, no, no, no, that's the end. No, no, no, it's not.

Don't eat that. Don't eat that.

It stinks.

It really smells.

It's lost.

Yeah, it was pitted out.

Swallowing it by mistake.

It's gone on your neck, look.

I'm not talking about it now. I told you not to eat it.

Lick the inside of that.

Oh, you stink of fish.

Oh, you do all the time.

Alice and Terry, the Poetry Club would like to invite you.

Right, not us.

No, but it is us.

The Wilding Sisters to join our Beat Poetry Wales Visitation Retreat, October

the 29th.

What's that guy? What's that guy doing? This is our idiot.

Who is our idiot?

He's an idiot. Oh, here we go. I'm the breather.

Hello.

Oh, uh, winding sisters.

Hi, yes.

Fantastic, great. Safe journey down?

Yeah. Great you're here. I mean, I was panicking a bit, but really, really

to see you both. You can relax.

I can. Do you know what? I am sort of... Just before you go, I just wanted to

let you know that the Off the Wall selection of poems, the Tales from Under

Bridge and, you know, they really spoke to me. Oh, thank you so much. I thought

they were beautiful. I don't know how it works collaboratively.

Yeah, that one, the Under the Bridge one. I wrote that one.

Okay, girls.

I'll see more of you later on, I'm sure.

Okay. New car?

Yes.

Thank you so much, Claire. Can you stop flirting?

I'm not flirting. I'm just... You're feeding me, in his mind, as a potential

vagina. Right, yes.

Look at everybody. Oh, my God, stop it.

Look at iPhone 2.

Remember that.

Keep that in your head.

Are you the Wilding?

Oh, my God. Are you the Wilding? Yes. Oh, my God. We are. Oh, hello.

Hello,

Andy. Thank you.

I can't believe you're here.

I didn't even know I could be here.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Richard.

Hi, Richard.

I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you, too.

Oh, hello.

It's you, too. I was like a huge fan of Wilding 1.

I'm Alice Wilder. How do you mind? I'm very well. I'm just a massive fan. We

have a nickname.

Dickie.

Thankfully nobody calls me Dick.

Normally I get called Richard mainly.

Or do you want matching tops and stuff?

It's quite nice to see you put a face to your poetry.

Really? Yeah.

I think so.

You're not what I expected.

Really? No, but, you know, I don't know what I was expecting. You were probably

expecting some old boot.

No, because your poetry, it's hip, you know. I write a lot in Welsh language as

well. Do you? Yeah, that's where I started off. I did a piece for the Estes

Road. Yeah, and I got a chair in my stepmother's house when I was 22.

What's your inspiration for your poetry?

What? Just let us know. I forgot your name. Gareth. Just let Gareth go.

trees and fields.

Mine is mostly urban landscapes.

Building. It's about convo.

Alice. But I like the way you kind of share.

I think your phone is for you. That's not his phone.

Oh, of course.

Sorry.

Yeah, that's me.

And what's it like being a novelty poet?

What a bold question.

I don't know, I think you'd have to ask one.

left with all the questions I cannot answer. Do not be insulted about a

about a career that you do not have. I know, but we've got to take it seriously

and you just keep going off with that guy.

They are loving it. They are loving me.

I'm impressing them. You've got to act haughty. Wow, exciting.

They're here.

Okay, okay.

I feel a little bit intimidated.

Be a poet.

Just five minutes. It's not five minutes. We're going to be here for

People are asking me terrifying questions. I don't know how to answer

I've never had anyone look at me like that before.

Yes, you have.

Like the looks on their faces. They're just looking at us. They think we're

amazing. Of course you have. Don't be so silly. I'm not good at anything. Yes,

you are. I've never been good at anything. Yes, you are. And they think

we're good at poetry.

Yeah. Wait for fucking Burley Farmer.

Love it.

We're con people.

That's what we're good at. So we should just pretend to be poets and have

fun. I'm the kind of moody John Lennon.

Oh, go on then. Yeah, right. You're John Lennon and I'm Paul McCartney. You're

Ringo. Why would I be Ringo?

Well, because you, like, carry stuff.

Imagine you carry the boxes.

And that guy is Yoko Ono.

Fuck off.

Fuck off. Fuck off.

Fuck off.

Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Louise?

Yeah, Louise.

She's not going to look the wife at me. Ah, you love her.

No. Yes, you do.

Oh, my God.

I was right.

You are in love with your ex -student.

Oh, don't say it like that. It sounds a bit creepy.

Yeah, it is a bit.

Do you think? Tiny bit, yeah.

Yeah, but look, if I'd have met her at a retreat like this, nobody'd be going,

oh, that's a bit creepier with her, would they?

No, because you'd have met her at your retreat instead of her being your ex

-student, which is a bit creepy.

Is it?

Is it creepy? You're laughing. I don't know if that's... But anyway, look, I

mean, she doesn't fancy you, so I mean... No, of course she doesn't.

Of course she doesn't.

Yeah.

Are you just doing some poetry?

I haven't got an original thought in my head. You know, I could help you with

your creative block.

Like, we could write together. We could play, like, a game where I say one word

and you say another word.

So, I've... Got...

A... Girlfriend?

Have you got a girlfriend?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, Louise's poems are the best and, like, she'll probably win. Who's

Louise? I don't know Louise.

Who's Louise? Oh, she'll be here in the morning. Probably an annoying

girlfriend. They're very, very much in love.

They are temporarily involved.

So,

how does it work? We have our tea and then... Tomorrow we'll probably just go

into the woods.

The adventure.

What's the adventure?

Well, we'd go out into the woods, put the tent up.

Camping. Yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah, it's a retreat.

Surely you've done a retreat like before.

I don't drink or camp, so I think it would just be a shame for you. Oh, well,

the drinking isn't the real part of it. That's just kind of what we like to do

because it just frees us up a bit, you know. We can camp.

It's really fun. Sharing tents, right? Yeah. A few -month tent.

Yeah. Yeah.

We're just going to go out into the woods, you know, find our inspiration,

animal selves, you know.

She will shit on your picnic if you let her, so just don't let her get down. I'm

not going to. I'm offering not to shit on the picnic by saying that I will not

be a part of it. I just will keep my shit. If shitting is a problem, there

be a port -a -loo.

Thank you. If they're shitting anywhere.

Hello?

Hello, hello?

Sorry. Hello?

Hi. First of all, I'd like... What?

I'd like to welcome you all

to the first inaugural Poets Poetry Society.

So, welcome.

Thank you. I'm actually a bit moved.

Well, considerably moved by the fact that you've all come here today. My

love, I suppose, is poetry, and it came from a place very deep inside of me.

When I first heard Alan Ginsberg's poem, Whale's Visitation, something

broke inside me and flowered. When he came and he took his LSD

and he laid his head on the wet grass and looked into the sky, something

happened. Absolutely.

Thanks. And as an added incentive, we have a prize.

Not £1 ,000, but £11 ,047.

I know this is not a competition, but someone will be winning the prize, won't

they, sir? Yeah.

Let's get this night really going. We're going to do some freestyle poetry,

okay? We have amazing poetry.

We have the Wilding Fisters.

And we're expecting Louise to play as well, which is another...

Amazing, cool breath.

First of all, I'd like to invite Gareth Jones up into the arena to give us his

juice.

All right.

Checking about.

Checking about, right.

The journey.

The journey.

The journey.

The journey.

The journey.

My car glides.

We slide.

I don't break.

Thank you.

Thank you, Gareth.

I can't speak Welsh and I was bloody good. Alan Ginsberg sent his poem deep

sound on stage to vein through marrow.

His three -verse breath beat.

reverberating in my thoracic cavity.

What was that about?

Well, gravel.

Gravel unravels the pipe in my heart.

Railway places.

Goodbye faces.

Woo!

Yeah?

Ah.

Um.

Seneca. I'm okay, guys.

Just kidding.

Lots of people are looking at me.

There's a man stood behind me.

And I'm stood under a gazebo.

There's somebody rubbing my back.

Thanks.

Thank you.

it'll be an amazing moment then my drink is gone i'm going to invite the wild

thing to sit this up hi

um

are you ready

we're a little bit

overwhelmed because you've all you're all brilliant

So here we go.

Bird.

Word.

Yay, that was just brilliant.

Wonderful. Yay, let's give the Wilding Sisters a massive, rounding applause.

Thank you, thank you.

We've got sandwiches, pasties and nets as well.

Who are the Wilding Sisters?

Hello.

Dad gave this to me not to you.

Don't touch it.

what he'd do there.

Ah.

Oh.

Well, you having a nice time on the... Shut the fuck up. Okay.

I need to write some more fucking poetry.

Yeah, I know. A little bit.

Oh.

Thank you.

Ah.

Mm.

You have got one talent Really?

Dad?

I really hope you're up there.

I really miss you.

We've got into a total mess.

You'd be laughing if you could see us. We're poets now.

I still feel really anxious every day. My chest feels tight.

It's not getting any better.

It can't be 20 years.

I really miss you, you know.

I had all sorts of plans for us.

I was going to have lots of kids and you were going to deliver them.

You were going to teach them ping pong in German.

You had to make mac and cheese.

And I've got neither now.

I've got Lisa.

She's doing all right. I'm doing my best. I promise.

It's not the same though, really.

Are you up there?

I

hope

you're not disappointed in us.

I'm a bit disappointed in us.

Everything you do is just alright.

These are the song lyrics.

So, Louise's room, yeah? En -suite room. En -suite room?

Yeah.

There's no en -suite rooms here.

But she's going to have one, surely. There's one toilet for everybody.

Are you mad?

Candles. Tell me there's candles.

Yeah, lavender.

Oh, no.

Why? She doesn't. She hates lavender.

Do you not know that about her? Who hates lavender? Please tell me.

The duvet.

Duck feather?

Oh, he is allergic to duck feathers, but I mean, just hold on there.

You're messing about, you've got to be. You know who's come in. Yes, I am fully

aware, okay? And I love a work and I think it's magical.

You're looking around, right? And I'm not even seeing the most basic milk

frother. Blackout. Tell me blackout blind.

Yeah, I have curtain, okay? And I keep the light out.

Hello, organic rice cakes.

Manuka honey.

Yes. Is that from bees?

Is there a waitress anywhere?

Did you sleep okay last night?

Not really.

No? Why not? I don't know.

Worrying about things.

Hi.

How are you?

Good to see you both.

Hello.

Hi. Hello, Terry. Nice to meet you, Louise.

Nice to meet you.

Hello.

Hey.

How are you?

Good. Um, this is Alice.

Louise.

Lovely to meet you.

Do you want to go and get a coffee with me?

Yeah, that'd be great. Cool.

See you guys in a bit.

Yeah, my bag's just there.

Do you want to go and get it? Yeah. I am really,

really sorry.

I'm embarrassed.

I'm joking about it.

What's going on?

What do you mean?

Have you been really distant with me?

I don't know.

I get everyone asking me if you're coming here or not.

I've got nothing to say to them, and I just feel like an idiot.

I've been busy with the book launch. Oh, good. How's it been going?

Yeah, really well.

Good. Because I've been trying to call you, so it would have been nice to, I

don't know, get five minutes. I mean, I'm hearing all these things about you

and... Me and who? Malcolm.

Malcolm.

I just feel like... I don't know.

I don't know. I feel like an idiot.

Well, you know our thing. We're just us. Like, we, you know, we see other

people. Oh, really? I think that might be more your choice than it is mine,

though. Hey.

I'm here now. We're going to have fun.

In this retreat in this cabin.

It's romantic.

You know, me and you can meet in a minute and, like, get back where we were

before. Yeah, it would be nice to see you.

Yeah. It would be really nice to see you.

So what are you doing this afternoon?

I promised the, um, the Wilding sisters that I was going to...

Go into the woods with them and do the animal thing.

I've just got here.

And you're already ditching me to go for them?

They're a bit nervous.

This afternoon?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

We're total losers, aren't we?

No, we're not.

We're not good at anything.

Well, maybe our children will be good at things.

You bet.

We're not going to have children.

I am.

You're not going to have children.

No. What do you mean, Claire?

Why not? Is it too awful?

I'm not.

I think you are.

But how long have you met a man and got him to like you?

I don't have to put it all back in.

Don't be so pessimistic and dark.

You're just being realistic.

You're not.

I'm going to meet someone and it's all going to be really nice.

Look, do you want me to put this aside? We're here now.

Me and you, I know we fight, we're passionate like that, but we should just

some time to reconnect, me and you, in a tent, under the stars.

Yeah? Yeah.

Like Brokeback Mountain?

No. Do you think this is funny?

No.

OK.

We're like a genetic cul -de -sac.

Like a pair of saggy tits.

Okay, everybody, out you come!

Come on, move!

We'll be up the mountains now for the next three nights.

Let inspiration come to you, I think, sometimes.

Very often.

With pushing. With pushing for things.

Let it come to you, okay?

You're the batsman.

Let nature throw you the ball.

Off into the forest where you go.

What's the point of you writing a poem? I can't even write a letter. Come on.

Come on. Let me take that. Let her take it. Point you. Go take it.

You look a bit like Tom Baker, but you look great.

It's the Wilding Sisters, guys, and we're the Wilding Sisters.

This is what we would wear to go hiking or something.

You all right, Richard?

You need a hand?

I'm just carrying the stuff.

Well, you're not carrying the cushion and the lamp, are you?

Well, here, give me the cushion.

Is it a lot further?

It is, yeah. It's about another five miles.

Is it? Yeah.

It's worth it, though. The views are unbelievable.

We've done a lot.

Please put that skywalk

off. Skywalk.

Oh, I hate the hat.

Please carry my hat.

Is that how you do it?

I don't... I mean, we've got this, but we're going to take turns. We've got a

chair and a blanket, but we've got another tent.

I think that is about as good as we get it, isn't it?

But how do you sleep like this?

It's not going to be... I've got a tent. Oh.

I've never put a tent up. Have you ever put your tent up?

I've just been shouted at all the way up here. I'm really sorry.

Richard!

Yeah Yeah, I'm just gonna help these guys first and then I'll come up and

you Can I do something?

Can I just walk? Should we move it this way?

Richard? Yeah? We really need a hand up here I'm just gonna help these guys I'm

a bit lonely Okay I'm quite confused, I'm single It's a joke

I can wait Abracadabra

May he stay here and not go and help the fucking Louise.

I'm really cold.

Oh, Tate.

Can I have your jacket?

Can I have a hug?

Yep. Vague memory of how she's feeling.

Don't you?

Rich. Yes, darling?

Why have you given him my tent?

Should I just sleep on the grass?

No. Is that what you want? No, you can sleep... I'll just curl up in it and

go on the floor? No, you're sleeping in my tent.

Yeah. With me. I don't want to be with loads of people. You know, Gaffrey,

Stacey... I want my tent. I feel like you're belittling me here. I was just...

I'm not belittling you. I'm not belittling someone who's already the

man in the world. How can I belittle you?

I don't care if they sleep outside.

Go and get my tent back.

What are you doing?

I'm going to go and sleep with them.

Oh, really?

Yep.

Are you serious?

Yeah, go on then.

As if I care anyway.

Where's he going?

What are you doing?

I'm not going to sleep. You can get out of it.

Wow.

Two sleeping bags.

Thanks. Yeah.

Let's try and keep it down.

Keep it down. Not going to be a problem.

Guys, I'm so sorry about this situation.

So, game of cards, or... I'm bringing it.

I could scare you with my voice.

Oh, my God.

I could sing a folk song.

Oh, she will. Come on, then.

Your last one.

No, I don't know any.

Why am I on the danger side?

A

performance

by Louise Cabaye. What the fuck?

She's a witch. The imposter. What's the deal?

The imposter has black hair, blue eyes and looks like a nasty Nirvana tribute.

Just pretends to have a moral code, but is definitely just a ho -bag.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Well, I'm just trying to get some sleep.

And I'm just performing, I'm just, you know, being inspired, letting it all

out. It feels like you're being a bit of a bully, actually.

Why are you making those noises? What noise was that you were making?

What animal is that? It's my chicken.

It's not very good.

It's my chicken, so...

So you join in, you could do the iguana you do.

So you're coming back with us then?

No.

No, I'm not. I'm going to stay here.

What is this?

Sorry.

Yeah, sorry.

What the hell was all that about?

Are you going to read again?

I'll come back in.

Yeah, I need a wee.

Shall we go now? Let's go together.

It's scary.

Come on, it's not scary at all. I'm actually... What?

I'll hold it while you wee.

Do you want me to hold you?

Yeah.

Just shield me.

do you think they look up for?

I don't know. We've seen the Hubble telescope recently held.

They've decided to focus a camera onto a section of space and it held the lens

open for about four days or something.

I mean, it's crazy because they've got the photo back and there's just infinite

stars upon stars upon stars upon stars in this one black space where they

thought there was nothing. And it's just lots of different solar systems.

There's hundreds of them. Well, the idea that it's never -ending.

There's so many boyfriends that you could have in the whole galaxy.

Sure.

There's so many... Just like Star Trek.

Yeah, look, I could be going out with a green light right now.

What's wrong with him? He used to have such a connection. Now he's hung up on

things like Malcolm.

Malcolm is irrelevant. It's about me and him and the moonlight and the stars.

And why is he forgetting that? You should go and write that down. Shut up.

shouldn't be forgetting that. You know, me and him have this...

Maybe you did have a special connection. Connections change, don't they?

Different people connect at different times.

Sometimes the server goes dead.

You've never had any coffee.

You've never had any Star Trek. You're not really a human being, are you?

How can you call yourself a Westerner? I'm going to take you home. I'm going to

make you drink coffee while watching Star Trek and it will blow your mind.

I don't believe that for a second.

Now he has nothing to say to me. He looks at me and there's nothing behind

eyes. There's nothing there. There's no sparks. There's no rhythm. His tongue is

slow. That sounds like an amazing relationship.

That sounds amazing.

It was.

Well, it is. I mean, it is. I don't think we can say it was yet, can we? No,

definitely. I think it's on the way to over, though, isn't it? On the way to

over. Sometimes things just kind of come to an end, don't they?

Naturally.

Anyway, I'm tired.

I got my symptom bag out.

Are you all right then, yeah?

If Richard was here, I'm saying he was going to... OK, but he's not. He's not

here. He's down in the other tent with the other girl.

I'll see you. I've got to go. Thank you. You too. You've got so much in common.

You've got weird toes.

I haven't got weird toes. If you had children, they'd have the longest toes

the world. It would be cruel.

My toe that's next to my big toe looks like E .T.

Yeah, I've got that. My second toe is bigger than my first toe, like that.

My big toe looks like an old -fashioned mobile phone.

It's true.

I would have tried to pick it up and dial with it.

It would have been no signal.

You can sleep on my arm, if you want.

You can just roll into me.

Roll into me. Yeah, I might just get a little tip.

Oh, yeah, good idea. Yeah.

Sorry, sorry. I'm going to quickly do that in a second.

It's quite slidey, isn't it?

Quite slidey.

Do you want to check anything, Gareth?

I'm fine like you.

I have to say, you are the most amazing poet I've ever known, I've ever

read about.

You just got... Oh, my God.

What's wrong?

One of the biggest daddy long legs I've ever seen in my life.

Oh, don't worry. They've got poison, but they can't bite you. They don't know

they can bite. No, I'm all right.

That is insane.

Yeah, insane.

and a shampoo he makes.

It's nice.

It all looks fine out here, I've got to say.

Don't see anything wrong with this tent.

Good, good, good.

Shh, now we're going to sleep in here.

Your poetry just kind of speaks to me.

You're kind of a soul level.

Almost like the Welsh Bardic poets really connected me with me. It's almost

of going down the Peadar kink of a Mabinogi kind of thing, you know?

Like... Maybe you could just speak it.

Quite long, isn't it?

Quite a long one.

That's only two verses, it goes on for like 12 minutes.

What are you doing?

Do you want to do some Tai Chi?

Yeah. You've done it before?

No. Okay.

Shall I teach you?

It's really nice.

Okay. Just take a moment and just have a look at that beautiful view because it

is amazing.

I feel really present.

Just imagine that you're like dredging up all the...

pain and lost love and unrequited love and all those times that somebody

at you in the street.

Oh, you're up.

Great. I really wanted a tea. Can you just top one on for me?

Yeah. Thanks. Oh, and make three for those guys.

I'll take one down for you.

I've only got four mugs. That's fine. You guys can just go off. You can go

us. Okay, yeah.

All the times you haven't told someone you love them.

That job you didn't get, whatever, you know.

Power medium, right?

Stretch it out.

Bring it up, bring it up, bring it up, bring it up.

Pretty.

Quite a lot.

We're going to be doing it again. You don't have to bring it all up in one go.

That looks really heavy because of your butt. Yeah.

Pretty.

And then release.

Through the animal eye.

No, don't. No, don't. Throw it out to the...

I've got a few teas. I'll make some teas for you.

Thanks. You first.

Thank you, Lou.

Do you want a tea?

Put that in your hand.

There you go.

Here you go.

You're welcome.

Did you sleep all right? So well.

So well.

Alice has been doing some Tai Chi. It's very good. I've been doing some Tai Chi.

I like doing some of that. Alice has been trying to explode the sheep on the

other side of the hill.

What she doesn't realise is that that sheep with his sheep makes, he's

also doing Tai Chi.

And he's trying to, he's sending his Tai Chi vibes over to you, trying to

explode your head.

We've been battling.

Very intense.

I'm really scared that a bird's going to fly in and explode in there.

Never wake up, never wake up.

Shall we head off? Why don't we head off?

It's good.

Just go up the mountain, get the day started.

Shall we do that? I think we should.

Absolutely. I'll see you in a minute. Okay, see you in a minute.

Yeah.

What was that? Yeah.

Never wake up. Never wake up. It's really sweet. Never wake up.

This is the most love that she's ever shown me. Is it? It's not even love,

just hate of somebody else.

I think it's quite flattering.

I am actually quite flattered.

I think she is. Really?

Oh, Richard's back.

He's the man I used to know again.

He's just wonderful, isn't he? He's just wonderful.

There's a bit of Pat on the blanket.

I've never known anything like it.

Murmuring walk. My favourite bridge.

Severn Bridge, probably.

Bit stereotypical, I know, but it brings me home.

Right. Ooh, there's Bunting.

In here.

Yeah.

Look! Oh, it's lovely.

Oh, wow.

Oh, look at this. Look, they've been there.

This is great.

What's this?

Come on. Do it.

The bees.

The bees in the trees.

Hard to appease. They make the honey. They make it runny.

The bees.

But 75 % of them die a year.

Don't kill the bees.

Please.

Dark. Too much at the end.

The government warning part, when you said 75%, was that on

purpose to...

It was arresting for a moment because you were thinking about the numbers.

Was that intentional?

Personally, I just think the government wanted to use more poetry in its

warning. We don't like math in a poem.

No. Not really. No math.

Here we're really much more open -minded. We like to embrace everyone

individually. I mean, you might as well just read out a utility bill or a

receipt or something.

Well, maybe you should read out a receipt. Well, I could.

Go on, then.

I will, okay.

Get a tissue.

Why not try grocery shopping at Tesco

.com?

One hour.

Delivery block.

Block.

From £1. Free click.

And collect groceries.

Dr Pepper, £2.

Total £2.

Cash, £10.

Change due.

Change due.

£8.

There's a barcode, so I'll just do that with some sort of binary...

Derivative? What the fuck are you talking about?

Have you ever seen anyone read out a receipt before like that?

You've never seen it. No, I've never heard of it. Have you seen it?

No, you haven't. How is anything that I'm doing derivative? You've never seen

the likes of me.

I think he's calmed down. That was quite powerful.

Well, too fucking right it was.

Yeah. Stonehenge. I'm going to go now, yeah. You're like fucking rocks, all of

you. You've got no soul.

I think we should start writing poems like that.

I thought it was really good.

It was for you.

Was it?

Thanks.

Yeah, I know what you're doing with Claire, but... Who's Claire? Sorry,

Sometimes I call her Claire. I know what you're doing with her.

What am I doing with her? You're trying to make me jealous, but... It's cute,

but, um... What I need to tell you is that she's just a bit of a fragile

at the moment.

And, um... It's not really fair to her to lead her astray. It's a bit cruel. I

mean, she's only ever had me.

She's never had a relationship.

She attaches to people really quickly, like a limpet, and she won't let you go.

And I just, you know, I'm really protective of her because she's so weak.

Are we cool?

Yeah. Yeah. More than cool. Okay, cool.

Good. Don't touch my face, though. Okay.

Clara? Yeah?

Put a potential.

It's a little bit too taut. It's quite rocky underneath, so you need to put it

at a bit of an angle. Can you see?

Here, look.

I'm really

sorry. That's embarrassing.

What was she thinking?

I don't know. This is all a bit weird, because my girlfriend's over there.

of course. Obviously, I had this thing.

You're very lovely, but slightly strange sister.

I don't know, she said that... Not to touch you. All right. And she said that,

you know, you're in a bit of a... A bit of what?

I don't know, you're having a bit of a difficult time.

All right.

No, of course.

I might need you with that. OK.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem.

Probably just a reed clump, not a rock. I did a sweep of it. Can I plug in

there? Why have you done that?

Well, you can have my mattress as well. You can have two mattresses if you want.

I'll just keep on the floor bit of it.

What are you going to do, Ben? I've got a coat to do.

Well, it might be good for me to have that as well.

I like writing in the dark.

Why would you tell him all those things? That was so embarrassing.

Why would you say that? That's just horrible.

Say what?

You just said all sorts of horrible things to him about me, clearly. That I

sort of fragile and you shouldn't go anywhere near me. What? I mean... Well,

are fragile.

What, and you're not?

Yeah, but I admit to it.

What do you mean you admit to it? You just made me look like a total freak. I

had a slightly nice time with a man for a second.

Maybe I was a bit jealous.

I don't like him.

I don't know, but I thought he liked me and that was fluttering, you know.

Just give yourself a break. Just let yourself have sex with a man.

It wouldn't be such a terrible thing. Well, that is definitely the last thing

that you want to happen. You needed to break the ice. You were being way too

virginal. You're being like Julie Andrews and it's annoying.

It's very frigid when you do that. You might as well be wearing a wimple.

Well, you've ruined that now anyway.

I don't think so.

It's going to happen.

What's going to happen?

We can't stay together like this.

Forever. We're not kids anymore.

We've got to grow up.

At some point, you're going to go off and I'm going to go off and you're going

to go off with him. I'm not going to go off with him. He can't even look at me.

Because he likes you. No, he thinks I'm awful. You've totally... You've totally

what?

Ruined it for you?

No.

Just let go, will you?

Stop clenching.

It's your problem, you clench.

I'm not your parent.

Judy Clench, that's what I'm going to call you.

I'm going to write that down.

Dame Judy Clinch.

Dame Judy Clinch.

I don't know. I don't know if I can win this thing. I really don't. I think we

should jack it in.

Maybe we should just steal the money and go.

I don't want to steal the money. They're really nice people.

I'm not stealing the money. I'm not going to be part of that.

Anyway, where are we going to go? Justin said he's coming for us on Monday.

We've just got to spend the weekend here.

I don't think I can win this competition.

What? I don't know if I agree about that. That receipt poem was actually

good.

I mean, not, you know, the content wasn't incredible, but your performance

really strong. Did you not feel that?

It was.

Yeah. I thought if I could only write poetry... You said it really well. You

said good like a poet.

I know.

And I tell you what, Richard had a massive boner.

He did.

You know, he was like... He was into it.

I think Louise had a bit of a boner too.

She was really jealous.

Louise had a boner? Your poetry.

Do you

know

what I'd like to try?

Would you? I'd like to try and win it.

What? I would love you to try and win it.

Go on, read us what you've got so far.

Grassland.

My mum used to see ghosts in taps.

What? In the tap.

Anything shiny, basically, she had a bit of a problem with.

Back of the spoons was a bad one for her.

And, yeah, she's always saying, like, my Auntie Ethel or whatever, Auntie Pat,

in the back of the spoons.

Did you see them the right way up or upside down?

Like the back of the... Yeah, she saw them the right way up, I think.

Louise, Louise, just have a sit down. Hey, come on.

Hey, Rich, Rich, let's just sit down. Come on, come on, sit down.

Right, OK.

We can all see the tension.

I don't want to kind of put any pressure on anybody or pimp on anyone, but I

think we should get this out now.

Rich, I do kind of feel like the centre of the tension is you. I don't think

it's your fault, but I think there's energy emanating from you and towards

And if you'd be so kind, I think maybe you should just speak your mind. Just

cleanse.

Oh, golly. It's about the writing.

I don't know. I feel like it's all coming to a bit of a head, to be honest

you.

Well, I just want to say, first off, that... You

OK? Yeah, I'm fine.

Like, I'm not really... I don't know. It's not like I'm really searching for

kind of drama.

I'm a bit embarrassed about even being here. Am I even a poet? I don't know. I

mean, I've written one set of books, and that was great, but, you know... I

haven't written anything for seven years.

That is unbelievable.

Seven years.

I think from the success of my first book, I've just struggled with the idea

failing. And, you know... And, Louise, please don't take this

the wrong way, because...

This has got nothing to do with you, but I do feel like I've, this is my

problem, that I live in your shadow because I'm in awe of you, you know. I

you're so talented and amazing and, you know, it's terrifying, isn't it, when

you meet someone that you know is just infinitely better than you and you just

can't compare.

You know, I feel like I've made you a ceiling that I just need to go

through, you know.

What I think is that we should all say something really positive now about

Richard to Richard to just sort of cement that, you know, kind of thing.

So I would say, Richard, I think you are a very kind man.

Thank you very much, Stacey.

Right, OK, I'll go.

Next, then, um... All I can say is, um... Rich, I'd like to be your friend.

Do you want to?

Um... I'd say that you're a very generous lover, in that you do spread it

around.

That possibly means that you give too much of yourself and there's nothing

Okay, that kind of works. Go on.

I don't really know you very well, but I think you will get through this and be

a good poet because you have an interesting way of looking at things.

Wow.

I just want to say congrats, really.

Congrats for being such an amazing liar, Juan.

Congrats for being such a convincing con artist.

Well done, you.

You've really done a great job with this one.

Thank you. You've really done great. Just blaming me for all your failures

your creative constipation. That's so sweet of you to just put it all on me.

That's really noble. Really noble.

Hey, come on, let's go.

Blame anyone.

It's getting late now.

I think it's probably ready by soon.

Yeah, we'll get up early in the morning as well.

Inspiration comes at dawn.

Good morning. How are you? I'm all right. How are you? Yeah, I'm okay. Did

sleep well?

I slept really well. Did you?

I think I'm going to need to tent life.

Takes a while.

Where's my sister? Where's Luca?

Who's Luca?

Alice.

My sister.

Well, she wasn't here when I woke up, and then...

I found this note. It was in my hand. Oh, what's she doing?

I'm going on my journey so you can find yours, Alice.

It's really sweet, but I am going to have to wait for her because I don't

where she is, so I'll wait here.

You don't have to do that. It's better than going on a bit of a journey. You'll

be off in the mountains covering yourself in mud and write some poetry. I

you should come with us. It's really beautiful. It's only about a couple of

miles walk and I promise you it's absolutely stunning.

It'll be so inspiring. And there's no point in you just waiting around here,

there?

Look how beautiful this is.

Eh?

That's amazing.

I wonder what she's looking at right now.

Oh.

Don't stress out.

I'm going to put this tent up.

I'm not much good. I'm becoming one with this tent. Can I watch you put this in?

Of course.

Gareth, give me a sec.

Quickly, please.

God,

you're so funny.

Lovely. Lovely to kiss.

To kiss and hug and just...

Yeah.

Oh, God.

We are great.

Glad.

Glad.

Pleasure. I'm glad.

So I'll teach you some simple chords.

So... Oh, I've got crab hands because they're so cold. That's okay.

Do you feel better?

Yeah, much better. Except then they go warm, you know, and they go sort of

stingy. Come on, let's teach you.

Is that okay?

okay just

play

the top string

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's so good.

Louise.

Lou.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, Gareth.

What are you doing?

What's your problem?

Are you jealous or something?

Lou, why would I be jealous? We're not together. I don't think we've ever even

been boyfriend and girlfriend.

what you're looking at you're the one sharing a go with your sister hey hey

do you know something louise you're so much better than this

There's a rock.

Come on. There we are. Oh, my knees.

Good night Lisa.

I love you sweet dreams.

Good night.

I love you.

Sweet dreams Claire.

Were you writing something last night?

I was, yeah.

Were you?

Yeah.

What, a poem?

Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

It's crazy.

You were asleep and I just sat outside and... Like...

Coming out of me.

Wow.

I feel like I shouldn't ask you too many questions. It won't scare you off.

But well done. Thank you.

It feels really good.

Anyone got one? Rich? Yeah thanks man.

Cheers Chloe.

Thank you all for being here today. It's great. I'm very, very excited.

I'd like to get started.

So, Darren.

Empty open space does not cut down on the limits inflicted by

city and town.

Platel Creek churning soil, brooks spewing Lativia smoke rises, burns eyes

of our aching forefathers.

Too often we forget that we are here. Here to do more than survive. Day to day

commute. Call.

Consume. This sound reminds us that we are more than what's for dinner. We are

more than... That'll be £7 .99. We are more than we are... Sorry to announce

that the 650 has been delayed by approximately 28 minutes.

People.

Rush. No ebb or flow.

Trains like chains believe.

Destiny comes through trees, reeds, and leaves.

When we forget what it's for, we forget our ancestry and our roots. We

forget our nature.

Mountains, creek, trees, push through earth, reaching Mars, foggy sun.

Breathe easy, because that's what our hills are for. These skies, this earth,

these mountains remind us to breathe.

Make sure your key to happiness is in the right person's pocket.

Fit, dull, calm, and allow the mountain to unblock.

Well done. Thank you.

Do you like it?

I thought it was really good.

You didn't see Alice, did you?

No. Are you worried?

I just...

I've just got to do my poem with her.

Sorry, ladies, there's poetry to read at the moment. You'll have to come back.

This is what we're here for. We're the Wilding sisters.

Thank you.

I just want to say thank you.

You've given my sister and I a wonderful time here.

And I'm not going to start the poem until she gets here, because I know she

would like to read it.

Sometimes it's quite hard to reveal yourself to people you don't know

very well.

And I haven't really done

that. I think I just met the Wilding sisters.

Richard?

Richard?

I don't know if the shoe had been on the other foot,

whether you would have acted like this.

And I believe you wouldn't, because you're noble.

But I'm...

I'm grateful for you.

And I'm really sorry that I'm so foolish.

Okay. Thanks for still chasing me.

I'm Richard. I'm a really earnest poet.

We're on the run.

Like dogs from a gun.

As wild as a child hounded from town.

Don't make a sound because boom!

We're behind you.

And you.

And you.

And you.

And you.

We're here, watching, waiting, catching, baiting.

The dark presences at your shoulder, trickling your fears down your back

a crack and into your heart.

For we see you.

For who you are.

Not a star or a poet.

a thief or a lover a sister or a brother a fool or a

queer never fear we are here to protect you

actually little humans but don't let those eyes

rain see i'll see you again

in rain or Well, no.

It's time to let go.

But we will remain the Black Mountain.

All right, we'll have some fun tonight.

Come on.

She's true.

Okay. I miss her. She's beautiful.

How's that?

Isn't that them?

That's them, isn't it? Yes, yes.

Looks like them. Come on.

We've got a job for you. Come back in.

of the time Sometimes that's a

bit too hard to find Believe me

when I say I can win I just

hide behind this thicket again

If you need...