All language subtitles for Best.Little.Whorehouse.In.Rochdale.2011.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Oh, yeah, baby, you're making me so wet.

Oh, so close.

Oh. Oh, yeah, you're making me want to
cum.

Oh, yeah.

Come on baby, I can't hold much longer.

I think this phone thing is getting...

Oh, John.

Well, what did you do? Well, I'd have
poured my tea over him. Over his cock.

My Bert used to come regular as
clockwork. We never needed any hanky.

Spanky shenanigans.

Talking dirty on the phone. What's the
world coming to? Well, I blame the wild

world cobweb. Enid, let it talk.

Not like the good old days.

You could plan these things.

Bingo on Wednesday.

Baking on Thursday.

Gin rummy on a Friday.

Shave your legs on a Saturday for a bit
of house your father Saturday night.

Once a week, Bert.

That was my Bert's nickname.

God bless his soul.

Enid, I want to know what Joan did.

I'd be happy with once a month.

Well?

I went to bed.

You left him there?

If I'd have woke him up, I know he'd
have wanted a massage and fallen asleep

again. Then I'd have been more
frustrated than I were before.

I don't like pressuring him.

Well?

Mum, please.

Mum, mum, please.

Come here, haven't we?

It's only been a month. Well, it feels
like it. Just tell me all about it. Have

you made new friends? I mean, of course
you have, because you're always good at

things like that, aren't you?

Like me.

Sorry.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Then we can chat before I go to work. I
mean, I'll bake your favourite. I'll go

and cut your... Oh, have you got some
washing?

Of course you have.

That's what mum...

Oh, I've missed this.

Are you eating OK?

You look like you've lost weight.

Everything's great, Mum.

I'm in student digs.

Sharing with Reginald.

He's a bit of an upper -class twit.

Spoilt rich kid, but he's OK.

Where's he from?

Surrey. Or somewhere posh down south.

It's good to have your own love.

It's a bit boring without you, are you?

How is he?

Grumpy as ever.

Any work?

He's not even looking.

Why don't you just leave him? Mummy's a
waste of space.

Don't talk like that.

I know you don't see eye to eye, but
he's your father.

You know it's not well.

Lazy, there's a difference.

Don't.

How's Lucy?

Oh, you've not finished with her. Why?
She's a lovely girl.

I know long -distance relationships can
be hard work, but... She's finished with

me, Mum.

Oh.

I said I wasn't giving her enough space.

I said maybe an hundred miles away at
uni for the next three years wasn't

enough.

It'll only be because she's missing you.
You can work it out. I know you're only

home for a week, but...

Like a normal... I'm not cold.

They saw us snogging someone last week
in the pub.

I hate this town.

There's no reason for me to come back
now.

They think it's the end of the world at
that age.

He'll find someone else, even if he's
not the most... He's not the most what?

Well, I mean... He's not the most
handsome of teenagers.

What are you on about?

Oh, her Adam.

Well, I know it's not an oil painting,
but it's not. No, he must have got your

Joe's looks. No, it's not that. Come on,
Joan.

Don't get upset. All I meant was there's
a mate out there for everyone. Yeah, no

matter what you look like.

Unless you're Mary, Seth, no one would
have her.

He's got a great personality.

A lovely lad and he'll grow into his
looks.

Growing to his looks.

He's not ugly.

Ah, but he's not that handsome.

My Bert was the same.

Oh, but what a goer.

God knows why we're friends.

No one else will put up with us.

Sorry. You know, I think the world of
him.

How's Joe?

Since he's lost his job, it's like he's
given up.

Still not had sex?

Not in the same room.

Only way I can get a rise out of him is
over the phone.

Hey, maybe you've found your true
calling.

Phone's sexy, they make a fortune.

Hey, at least you've got a man.

I haven't had sex for so long, mine's
healed over.

Only excitement I get is sitting on the
washing machine.

If I had a man, even your Joe, I'd go
home tonight and pounce on him two or

three times.

We all know men are lazy.

Demand conjugal rights.

I need you.

We're asleep.

We haven't done it in four and a half
months.

We have.

Did it last week.

Didn't you?

You know.

Come.

John, we weren't in the same room.

We had phone sex.

You had phone sex.

I was doing the thorough care.

I thought you liked talking dirty on the
phone.

You're really good at it.

I do it for you.

Just like the massages.

It's the only way I can get you to pay
me any... No, that's all you want.

What about me?

I know we've been together for almost 30
years.

Don't you fancy me anymore?

Of course I do.

You just don't seem that interested in
me.

I know I've let myself go.

Come here, pet.

You alright?

Since I lost the job.

Wow.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Silly sausage.

Joe, do you think you're up to it?

Only one way to find out.

We therefore commit Jim, John, Joe's
body to the ground, earth to earth,

to ashes, dust to dust, in the sure and
certain hope of the resurrection to

eternal life.

It was a nice funeral.

If you ask me, she's well rid of him.
Keep your voice down.

We'll ask any of them. They'd all agree.

He was a lady.

He was hot. It's not their time or
place.

Ah. You okay, Petal?

I just want this day over.

Where's my dad now?

I guess I loved him, but I didn't like
him.

Oh, what?

That's awful.

You shouldn't talk like that.

Sorry, Enid.

But we all know what it was like.

I feel bad for my mum.

But that's it.

You'd think you'd have more respect.

He loved you.

And no, you don't believe me.

But he did.

It's funny the way you're showing it to
me.

Your father was so proud when you got
into university.

Told everyone.

He wanted you to make something of life.

To be better than him.

That's why.

Well, at least he got a shag out of the
old sod before he snuffed it.

Do you know what you need?

Sometimes your mouth bypasses your brain
altogether.

Hey, we wanted you to be able to go to
the bath. I could have gone to a local

college instead. He didn't have to cash
his insurance in to pay for me. He did.

Seemed like a good idea.

At the time.

You've got some savings, right?

Mum, you've got savings.

Of course I have.

Don't worry, love.

Still can't get over how you let him
cash it in.

Stop going on about it.

Every time we've seen each other
since... It's been weeks.

Drop it.

I expect it from blabbermouth out there,
but not you.

Sorry, I'm just, you know, worried about
you. You're looking... No, go on. Say

it. I might look like shit, but at least
I'm not knocking back sleeping tablets

like sweets every night.

It's better than lying away, alone.

Yeah, well, now I'm alone at home.

How are you doing for money?

Has his royal highness decided yet if
he'll give you more hours?

Asked him weeks ago.

Then ask him again.

I don't like to bother him. Christ,
Joan, you're not a kid. You've got to be

more forceful with... Anyway, he

might be a prized dick, but he'll come
through. You know he's got a soft spot

for you.

He's got a soft spot for anyone he
ought's might put out.

You're not going to believe what his
anus has done now.

Come on.

Don't think of me as a boss, Sharon.

Think of me more as a close friend.

You can come to me for anything.

I mean anything.

Oh, that's nice, Mr. Bottomley.

Look.

Call me Fred.

What is it, Joan?

I didn't realise you were taking on
extra staff.

I didn't realise I had to inform you of
the workings or in a sanctum of my

business practice.

No, it's... I was hoping you'd made a
decision about giving me more hours.

I asked you three weeks ago if I could
do more.

And again last week.

Hmm. Are you sure?

Yeah. Look, I think I would have
remembered something like that.

Yeah.

With Sharon starting, that makes it
difficult.

I do wish you'd have put it in writing,
Joan. I didn't think I'd have to put it

in writing, Fred.

Look.

I have an idea.

Yeah?

Maybe we can work something out.

You're very pretty.

Thank you.

You remind me of me when I was young.

Oh, that's nice.

You should be a model.

I could have modeled.

Tried. Not tall enough.

I did a bit of glamour modeling.

Really? Well, what are you doing here
then?

It's less battle, believe me.

I, like, didn't mind taking my clothes
off.

I enjoyed it, really.

I love seeing the way men look at me.

But I had to, like, stop.

Darren, my shit of a boyfriend, got too
jealous.

You should never let a man stop you
doing what you want to do.

Yeah, that's the trouble.

When I'm with a guy, I, like, totally do
everything to try and keep him.

But they end up walking all over me and
then go off and drag someone else behind

my back.

Alone again.

Always pick a wrong one, my mum used to
say.

Same thing happened when I was lap
dancing.

You were a lap dancer?

I fancied you in that.

Who'd pay to see you?

Someone would.

Cow.

Oh, I think a lot of men would.

You've got the shape a lot of men
secretly like.

Yeah.

Bloody big.

When I was lap dancing, the punters were
always asking the boss if he had any

larger framed women.

Like mainly guys between 40 and late 50s
would ask.

They're a do for me.

Hey, Sharon here a lap dancer.

What did he say?

You sure we could come to some
arrangements?

No. I can tell you we're a smarmy prick.

After me too.

What are you going to do?

This is it, Phil.

Bear this, love. We've come for the car
and the telly.

No, you can't, please.

But you're over three months behind in
the payments, lovey. Now, you can make

easy, Flory. If you don't want to play
like this, believe it or not, I can turn

nappy. Get out.

Get out!

You can't stop us, lovey.

Law's on our side.

Go easy, Phil. You can see she's upset.

Oh, she's upset?

No one thinks about my feelings. What
about me?

I'm sorry, but... You're just doing your
job.

Yeah.

We've all got to make a living somehow.

Times are hard.

It's not your stuff being carted out, is
it?

I lost my husband three months ago.

I'm sorry.

Don't touch me!

Frank!

What's going on?

Frank, what have I told you?

Don't touch the punters, they'll accuse
you of assault.

Look, she's just lost her husband.

Yes, and I'm the Queen of Sheba.

Now come on, give me a hand with this
TV.

Look, you do have my sympathies for your
loss.

I lost...

Would

you give it time, eh?

It gets easier.

Does it?

Some days are easier than others, but we
carry on.

If you need anything.

Money.

If I had that, do you think I'd be doing
this?

I wish there was another way, believe
me.

Frank, come on. For Pete's sake, we've
got another ten houses to do.

Better go and do your job.

Knee him in the groin. That's what you
should have done.

She's got a point.

One of them seems sorry to be doing it.

Looked genuinely concerned. Give me his
phone. Fuck.

Plain and simple.

That's what bailiffs are.

Bouncers and bailiffs, they're all the
same. They're all fucks. Okay, Enid, we

get the message.

I dated a bouncer.

Hated anyone like looking at me.

You know, guys.

I bet he was a good shag. Oh, he needed
it.

Never found out.

I dated Gaz for four months.

What?

I've got lipstick on my teeth or
something.

Oh, he's doing that.

You dated this Gaz? A bouncer?

A bouncer.

For four months.

Look away, did he?

How often did you see him?

Five nights a week?

For four months?

And you're telling us you never slept
together?

Yeah, Gaz was so snuggly.

We just never had sex.

Oh, right.

None of the girlfriends know, but,
like...

I'm saving myself.

You mean you're a... I can't see it.

You're a virgin.

Well, I think that's sweet.

I were a virgin when I met Joe. Yeah,
but you didn't look like that.

You were a virgin? Yeah.

I know that's surprising, but moral's
more lax in my day than yours.

I was 19 when... Well, I bloody wasn't.
Not my virginity at 13.

When I ended up meeting Bert, I had to
teach him everything.

He was bloody useless.

Yeah.

I guess lots of oral sex isn't enough to
keep a man.

No, I'm great at that.

Something good will come of this. You
may not think it, but I bet it will.

Oh, Mavis, stop being so optimistic.

Glasses always are full with you. Well,
it's not.

I'm only saying it'll all turn out okay.
I know what you're saying.

But it's not going to be hunky -dory or
whatever thing you're going to come out

with next.

It's not.

I'm going to lose my arm.

Better an optimist than an eternal
peasant.

£100.

Anytime something really bad happens, in
the end you can bet something good

comes of it. So I bet £100.

I've got...

£20 to last me a week until payday. I've
got to find £950 in two weeks or I'll

lose the house.

And you're betting me it's all going to
be okay.

You're spending too much time with Enid.

I'm just trying to... Well, don't.

What's that?

Open it.

Oh, no. No, I couldn't.

It's only £420.

I wish it were more.

You need it more than me.

It might get him old after taking you
home for a month or two.

Pay me back when you can. There's no
rush.

Oh, Mavis, but how did he...

I've been saving outside for something.

Don't laugh.

Well, ever since Sharon were on about
it.

What?

Lap dancing.

I've always fancied it. I was saving for
a course.

They charge the flaming herbs.

You keep it. Take the course.

No! I just realised.

I should have just asked Sharon to teach
me.

She'd probably get a kick out of it.

And what we all need.

Probably not the time of year for it,
but...

Give over. We always have a

laugh here.

I'm all wet.

Come off it. Welcome with you. Here,
have that.

No.

Oh, the air makes men more rampant for
it here. What?

What makes you think that?

1963. I got preposition three times in
one night. Three times in one night?

They must have been desperate.

Here. They could have had their pick of
any girl that they wanted me.

I was a looker.

Jim Ringo wasn't interested.

He was the one I really wanted. He was
rugged looking.

You got propositioned by the Beatles.

We're shagged under the tail.

Well, one of them. Don't ask which. My
lips are sealed.

Oh, but my lips weren't sealed that
night.

So, because you got propositioned by the
Beatles. Not Ringo. No.

You think many are more desperate. No, I
didn't say desperate.

I said rampant.

Oh. So you get lucky in 1963 and you
think... And most of the 70s and 1981

and 1985 too.

Been a dry period since.

What? The one on the left looking over
at you?

Give over.

I'm serious.

What makes you think he's not looking at
me?

Because he's only half your age, Amy.
No, he's not looking at any of us.

Babe? Quick, smile back before they go.

No, I can't.

I'm not spontaneous enough.

And I'm not wearing any make -up.

I'm surprised you remember what make -up
is.

Now, just imagine what you could do if
you were wearing some.

You know what?

We need to do something on the wind.
Come on.

What we need is an off -the -side book.

Maybe. I haven't had anything off -the
-side made for years, and neither has

she. I want a hot dog.

Oh, so do I.

A big one.

Stop!

What is it? Where are we?

You are joking.

Come on, live dangerously.

But it's a tattoo.

So? I'm going.

I'm amazed you agreed.

It was easier getting you to have a
tattoo than to smile at a guy.

Should have talked to him, got his
number.

Will you stop going on about the guy?

And anyway, it was probably marriage,
no? He was into you?

I'd have given him a run for his money.
You could have always had fun, sis.

I guess I could have done that.

Now I'm a pussy with a sexy tattoo.

Hey, they call it a tramp stamp.

Hey, come here.

What have you found now?

We've got to see this.

Oh, you must be joking. Come on, it'll
be a laugh and it's just starting.

Well, I'm not missing it. We could all
do with some tips.

Come on.

She's just started.

I'm Judy, ma 'am.

Programme Feather Age.

She's five years older than you. But you
look older than her.

She did.

Fatful as ever.

With a stable of eight sexy girls.

Now, some of you may already be aware
that in the state of Nevada, many of the

brothels are legal.

Hell, in most counties, we're a public
service. I'm moving to Nevada.

I've seen them all.

Long ones, short ones, even bent ones.

Thin and fat, white, yellow, and black.

A John is a John the world over.

Now let me tell you, most ill -informed
folk believe that the only reason a guy

goes to a brothel is for sex.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen,

couldn't be further from the truth.

Most would frequent the ranch for a
little away -from -home companionship or

titillation. Hell, ladies, most of them
can't even get it up.

My Bert had that problem once.

I soon knocked that malarkey out of him.

I tell you, Chas, that's easy opened my
eye.

What was she doing in Blackpool?

On tour promoting a book.

It's only fucking business.

Wish I'd bought it now.

Hmm, good title.

She's coming to Manchester in a few
weeks.

I might go and see her again.

Oh, can I come?

I like learning new things. I get bored
so easily.

Are you still okay for my first lesson
on Saturday?

It'll be fab.

So, should I practice anything before
then?

You could, like, put on some slow, sexy
music and practice by crouching and

gyrating like this.

He's here without the clothes.

Should I take them off?

Er, no.

I think his right awareness might get
the wrong idea.

I miss doing it for a man.

Used to do it every night for my
boyfriend.

Which one?

All of them.

They'd always end up saying the same
thing.

Call me a prickty.

Still want me to dance every night
though.

Is this a blowjob one enough?

It's the state of the country.

Going to the dogs, if you ask me.

I knew it.

Just when I'm getting me head of.

So you're making me redundant.

Then I get redundancy money.

No. You're being fired.

You can't fire me.

You need three written warnings. I've
only had one. No, Joan.

You've had three.

I have them here.

I've never seen them. That's not my
signature.

You've just written these.

Have I?

Mervyn, can I ask you something?

Of course you can.

What's it like?

Um, there.

Ooh, eh.

It's been so long I can hardly remember.

I'm so frustrated I have to take pills
every night so I can sleep.

Please. Can't ask any of my girlfriends.

They all think I'm a right flag.

Shag lots of guys.

Don't tell them the truth.

Oh, erm... It's like...

There's a volcano inside of you and you
can't stop wanting it to

erupt.

And then when it does... See you now.

Every part of your body tingles with
pleasure.

Sounds amazing.

Yeah.

But my volcano's been dormant for years.

Screw it all.

That shit is just fine.

Cut his balls off.

Enid, you're not helping. But it's a
start.

See?

You could always take him to court
for...

Oh, what's it called?

Wrongful Dismissal. That's it?

Hmm. Wrongful Dismissal. It's been in
litigation for years.

And the onus is on you, the plaintiff,
to prove non -receipt of the warning

letter.

Now that's like, totally difficult.

What?

How do you know that?

Oh, three years at university.

Studied law.

You?

I was going to be a lawyer, but fell in
love with Tony just before the final

exam.

Oh, we went to Spain.

It was wonderful.

Until he dumped me a month later.

He always dumped me.

How's the job, aunt?

Nothing. And if it were?

It wouldn't be enough to... To what?

Keep the house.

Oh, yeah.

How can you be so clever at some things
and... Like, so dumb at others?

Well, yeah.

I think it's my attention deficit
disorder.

Linked with a high IQ.

A high IQ?

How high is it, Sheriff?

150. What?

Is that good?

Yeah, I think there's only about 10 % of
the population of Zyzer.

2 .2.

Still can't keep a man.

I should have never given up lap
dancing.

At least I met lots of nice guys and I
got a ton of money.

No.

You do phone sex.

You're good at that.

What am I doing?

Hi.

You're through to Jade.

Hi, Jo. It's I, Radford.

I wish you picked a better picture of
me. I look weird.

Flower and crouch more.

Crouch, Shaz. Where did that come from?
Sorry, but if you're going to do

anything, you should do it well.

Here, like this.

Sorry, Joan.

Any luck yet?

I'm a nervous wreck.

I thought you were... You know.

Call them clients.

Sounds more professional.

How is she doing?

Just keep moving.

The phone rings with a different sound
when it's a client.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not nervous. I'm not thinking
straight.

Sharon...

I'm not going to be able to go through
with this.

Easy peasy.

You're wearing your make -up, yeah?

Erm... Where do you feel more sexy if
you had make -up on? I feel idiotic.

Wear it. It'll help.

Anyway, just letting you know we're
thinking of you.

How is Mavis doing?

Erm... Good.

You need to loosen up more. You're never
going to turn a man on like that.

This is harder than I thought.

I'd better go before she packs it all
together.

Bye.

Oh, I really don't think a man's going
to be turned on by that.

Hi.

Is that Jade?

This is Jade.

What are you wearing?

A dressing gown.

I mean... A tiny,

lacy, see -through dressing gown.

Where are you?

I'm in bed, waiting for a big man.

Erm...

What's your name, baby?

It's Bright... John.

Ooh.

I love the way you say John.

John, you're making me so hot.

I'm going to have to slip out of this
sexy outfit for you.

What are your measurements?

36DD24.

34.

Play with yourself.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I spilled.

I think you look fab.

It's only because she's wearing makeup.

No, it's more than that, Enid.

I've seen some money coming in for
biggest help.

I got 50 calls this week. I'm really
getting the hang of it.

But I know this phone lack isn't going
to be enough to pay all the bills on the

mortgage.

I need some way of... I don't know.

How long have they given you?

Two months to get back up to date with
the payments or... I've even looked into

selling this place.

The estate agent said houses just aren't
moving and the value of this house has

gone down so much it's less than the
mortgage.

Even if I sell it, I'll be in debt.

Bloody banks.

Fascists, every one of them. Here, all
they want is our hard -earned money.

What's wrong?

I thought she told you everything these
days.

What?

His royal highness has given her a
week's notice.

Pervert tried it on with me too.

Said I could keep my job if... Oh, I
wish I'd have... Here, if he tries it on

with me, I'll give him what for.

What has run on rule?

Now, some of these here rules would be
common sense, but the client needed to

see him. If they didn't follow him, I'd
ask him politely to leave.

And if the guy wouldn't, I'd ask Big
Brad to remove him, as gently as

They should treat the girls like any
other lady, with respect.

No guns, cell phones, cameras of any
kind.

Don't come tanked up.

And no alcohol, unless we provide it.

Raffles are the most successful if they
offer a range of ladies with a variety

of talents.

We had it all. A great stripper,
dominatrix, lap dancers, all legal ages,

shapes and sizes.

Yeah, you'll be okay then.

Oh, she's getting fab at the lap
dancing.

Hear that?

I'm fab at lap dancing.

Now, men think that sex is important,
but in my experience, that's the last

thing they want.

What's she doing?

She said she was going to ask her
something.

She would like to go over and say hi.

Oh, she's done now.

Set my sciatica off all this bloody
standing around.

Ready?

She looks happy.

I've seen that look before.

She's turned.

I bet she's on a promise with Madame
Gigi for a bit of hanky -panky.

Really? Don't be stupid.

I'm surprised you haven't thought of it,
being so long since you had a man.

Well, at least they haven't got cobwebs
up mine.

Come on.

One second.

Enter.

Thanks for coming in, Sharon.

Take a seat.

Your last night.

I fought to keep you on, you know that.

Look, I've just heard from above there
may be a way for me to keep you on.

Really? Oh, I love it here, I'd do
anything. Yeah, interesting.

If I can let you keep your job, what
would you do for me?

I'd be very grateful. Yeah?

You've no idea how long I've waited for
this.

Oh, me too, me too.

Ain't naughty.

Yeah.

I'm going to have to tie you up first
before we do it.

Okay.

Hey, wait your turn.

Oh, Fred.

What's in here?

Can I play with it?

Oh, yeah. Play with it, play with it.

Keep dancing, keep dancing.

Do you think anyone's going to want to
do it with that?

It's tiny.

No, it's not.

Believe me, friends, I've seen hundreds
and that is the smallest thing I have

ever seen.

Where are you going?

Girls, come and have a look at this.

No, untie me, untie me, you bitch.

This is for joining all the other girls
he's ever tried it on with.

Well, they were worth it. I've eaten
bigger chips.

Well.

Look at me.

Let me go.

Was it really that small?

Well, I was going to say that anyway,
but when I saw it was, I nearly wet

myself. Here, I needed my glasses to see
it.

Yeah, but now we're all out of work.

I wasn't going to say anything until I
checked some things, but... What?

Come in front room while I tell you.

Well? Well, you know they've given me
two months to pay my mortgage arrears,

I know you're going to need the money I
owe you, and now you're not working.

That's okay, I'll manage.

No, you've helped me out. Why should you
suffer?

Oh, that's nice.

But you haven't got the money.

No.

But I've got an idea of how we can all
make some. Like how?

We're not going to rob a bank, are we?

No chance.

We're not, are we? Here I bloody would.

Wish I could get my hands on a banker.

Fascists. We're not robbing a bank.

I'm opening a brothel.

A cooperative brothel.

I was wondering if you'd like to do it
with me.

Whoa.

Bugger me.

Yeah. But that's like against the law.

Not if there's no sex.

No sex?

No sex.

A brothel with no sex.

A brothel with no sex.

First, Sharon, you need to check if we
are breaking the law and what we can and

can't legally offer.

Check.

Mavis, you need sexy gear for the lap
dancing.

Unless you want to be naked.

I'll get the gear.

I've already got mine.

Good. Where's this raffle going to be?

I'm working on that.

Leave it to me.

Then you and Mavis need to practice day
and night.

You've got to be as good as Sharon.

I'll be handling the phone sex.

We'll need to audition a few more girls.
Madam Gigi's offered to help.

Wow, fab!

But we have to be quick, because she's
only here for another week. Good. Here,

you're not leaving me out.

I didn't think you'd want Booker that. I
haven't got a job now, and I've got

talent.

You're not leaving me out, you're bloody
not.

Yes.

Let the show begin.

Here's the first one.

Hi, Susan?

Yes, Susan.

Well, you know why you're here, darling.
So what's your speciality?

I lap dance.

Are you doing it now, darling?

I'm better if there's a man.

I'm still waiting to find out, but I'm
out better than that.

Looks like she's dying for her pee.

Not a good start.

Do you want to see my tits then?

I... This was the audition for the Rocky
Horror Show.

So, Elizabeth, what's your speciality?
All aspects of pleasuring. I was an

escort in London for ten years, catering
exclusively for visiting dignitaries

and celebrities.

Ooh, anyone we know.

No doubt, but a lady never tells.

Hell, you passed one of the most
important tests.

Discretion.

After the life you've led, why do you
want to come and work with us in

It isn't exactly Monte Carlo.

Wouldn't it be like... Pretty boring.

If I can be frank, I enjoy the fantasy,
intitulation, bondage, fetishism.

Unfortunately, the most distasteful
aspect of my job was sex.

I hate it.

Wish I could remember it.

Maybe you're... Have you tried it with
women?

Oh, yes, yes.

Ah, so you are a lesbian.

No, no.

Although a number of the celebrities I
catered for were indeed women.

It's actually more depressing.

All right.

No, don't get me wrong. I'm excellent at
faking it.

If I may, your venture sounds ideal.

A cooperative brothel that offers all
the pleasures, but without the sex.

Legal, too.

Precisely.

I've never understood the fascination in
the physical act of copulation.

Frankly, it would be a relief to know
I'm expected to do everything except

sex.

Hiya. I've come with Selby. Are they not
quite past my Selby date? And the idea

is they come and wrap me.

You got any scissors?

Oh, here we go.

I think I might need a bit of help.

I'm Candy and I'm a singer like Lil'
Kim.

Too much hating, everyone creating,
nobody saving the planet.

Sorry, I can't find it. It's Tara.

That's Tara.

Is that the H on the end?

Hmm.

Okay, so what's your speciality? Do it
all, don't I?

Threesome zorges, all the kinky stuff,
taking every orifice.

What's the best?

You name it, I've done it, ain't I?

Other than sex, what speciality do you
have?

Hmm. Are you tough, aren't I? Not from
down there.

No, darling, I'm not. I'm from... It's
Tara.

What do you do that doesn't involve sex?

Yeah. It's like a trick question, isn't
it?

We're looking for girls to entertain men
in an adult way.

In your brothel?

Yeah. So that's what I do.

But there'll be no sex allowed in the
brothel.

She talks funny.

You talk funny. I give up.

It's a brothel that offers everything
except sex.

No, ain't right.

You mean every kind of sex?

No, I mean no sex.

That's what we're written in the advert.

No one gets screwed, love.

More's the pity.

Are you kidding?

It's just like one of them camera shows.

Oh, please.

OK.

No sex.

Hello, my name is Oksana and I'm going
to do something for you.

One, two, three, four.

Well, that's out of my eyes.

I never knew there were so many ways to
do it.

I felt a right prude.

Nothing I haven't seen or tried before.

Maybe I should just stick with the phone
line.

Hell no.

You've got one terrific idea there, and
the cops can't touch you.

You'll come to think of it, they'll be
your best customers.

Oh, Joan, don't give up.

She's right. Yeah.

And if you have to change the rules so
that we have to have sex,

I'm willing to sacrifice my body for
that too.

What? I'm just putting it out there.

Your friends are counting on you, Joan.

You're the leader.

The decision you make now is going to
shape all of their lives.

They can't do it without you.

Hiya. Oh, have you come? How's Thelma
and bloody Louise?

I've come in character.

I'm now a woman without repute. Who's
Thelma and Louise?

I'm kidding.

So, how does it work?

It's simple.

Can I tell her?

Yeah. See, all the girls are lifted here
with their specialities and contact

details. So when a client calls and
tells Joan what kind of girl he wants,

like agree a time and a price, and that
goes there.

Easy peasy.

Oh, she's right.

Then I call the girl. She comes round
half an hour before the client gets

Oh, and any girl that wants to be here
in case he prefers her to the girl he's

booked can.

We've got two lap dancers.

That's you two.

We've got two strippers, one large, one
small, a sexy French maid and two...

Dominatrix? What's wrong with that?

Enid? Whoa!

What, is she scared of the clients?

And isn't that the point?

Here's one of the converted bedrooms.

It's almost finished.

It's a bit Christmassy.

Aw, pretty. I used what I had, no money
to buy decorations.

The clients should be coming at night,
so we'll use candles to create the mood.

I thought we were only open at night
time.

Well, 6pm till 3am.

We could always black out the window in
summer.

Can't we do blowjobs? I'd love that.

You've checked, Shaz. It's against the
law.

Don't worry, Shaz. You'll knock them
dead with your lap dancing.

Eh? Maybe we could light dance together?

Yeah.

This is Adam's room.

He's got kind of a kinky set up.

Wasn't like this when Adam were here.

It'll be even kinkier when I get the
chance.

Each to their own.

Who's Adam?

My son.

Yeah. Does he know what you're doing?

Have you not told him?

Anything?

I didn't know how.

He didn't come home this break.

So we were lucky.

Asked if he could go backpacking with
some friends.

Worried I'd be expecting him. I'd love
to have seen him. But it would have been

a problem.

Why?

Erm... Oh, yeah, the brothel thing.

I'd love to go backpacking. Where's he
gone?

Far East. Wow.

Fab.

What now?

Adverts are in the papers We're open
tomorrow

That's

it.

Disgusting.

We don't want that kind of scum in
Rochdale.

No, Sarge.

It looks empty, Sarge.

That's what they want you to think.

Filth inside, lad. Filth.

And I'm going to be the man to shut them
down.

Yes, Sarge.

But didn't it say no sex in the advert?

Hoers.

You can smell them.

The stench of illegal sex emanates from
that house.

You'll get a nose for it, lad, when
you've been in vice as long as I have.

Sarge? Don't set your eyes off that
house, you hear?

But, Sarge?

What? Ops says that the brothel's at
number 20, and that house is 21.

What was this one here, Sarge?

Not one word, Jackson.

Some guy just went in.

Shit.

Shall we go and get him? Jackson!

Shut it!

Right, here's the girl you chose.

Hello, I'm Elizabeth.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm sure you'll have a good time with
me.

Or you may

prefer...

Hi, I'm Sha...

Oh, sorry.

I'm Kitty.

Can't I just be called Shan?

I'm Kitty.

All the way from Estonia we

have...

Hello, I'm Anna.

And

finally

we have...

Erm, Trixie.

What's she going around with?

Trixie.

What? Your HRT. What?

Your touch.

Take it off. No, it's okay.

I like it.

Can I

take you?

Come on.

You go, girl.

Let's hope that's the first of many.

Oh, I'm really pleased for her.

Next client's in half now. Let's hope
Enid gets here soon.

What's her code name?

She hasn't even told me.

Um, what's mine?

Oh, how many times?

It's Kitty.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

I was just called Shad at the club.

This way, you keep your anonymity.

It means... Oh, no! I'm not an idiot!

Anonymity. Anonymous.

An adjective.

One not identified by name or of unknown
name.

Personally, I prefer incognito.

How did you...? Oh, yeah, I've got one
of those, like, photographic memories.

But you couldn't even remember your
codename.

But I didn't see it written down, did I?

You like that?

Oh, yeah, chick. Do it again.

Oh, do it again. I don't know if you
like that, babe.

You like that?

Mervis, she'll have fallen over.

She's always doing that.

We are so screwed.

Are you alright?

I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry.

Wow.

Go on, come now.

I'm not being

funny, but I'm not

cleaning up after that. Do you want me
to call security?

Oh, please let her see you in your
outfit.

She won't.

We've tried.

It spoils the mystery if you see me in
my outfit. Oh, come on. I know it's our

day off, but pretty please.

How does she do it?

Thirteen. Thirteen.

Sorry, 15 regulars every week.

I'm amazed there's so many fellas in
Rochdale that like being... Treated like

shit.

No, I was going to say dominate. Here, I
treat men the way they should be

treated, like naughty little boys, and
they keep coming back.

How's that snotty cow doing?

You know, the posh one, Sophie, Queen
Elizabeth.

She treads on my patch, I'll have her
guts for garters. Enid, if your clients

want to go to her, you can't stop them.

None of mine would dare.

Too scared of what I'd do to them.

She's power mad.

You expecting anyone?

Everyone knows we're closed today.

It's probably paused.

Can I help you?

Are you the boss?

He's the boss.

The boss.

We're not open today.

Are you the madam?

Yes, but... You've been swore for me
services.

What? I don't think... You need
protection.

No, I don't. You need protection.

Get out!

That's not very nice.

You wouldn't want anything nasty
happening to your house.

Oh, you girl. You need protection.

500. Tuesday.

Well, that's what you call an
interesting development.

Eh?

Meet Harry the Head Ripper.

Local thug and all -round nasty piece of
work.

Harry the... Head Ripper.

About five years ago, he was trying to
extort money out of a local turkey

farmer. The farmer wouldn't pay, so
Harry rips the heads off all his

About 30 of them.

Oh.

Problem is, Harry's not clever enough to
realise that by killing all the

turkeys, he's putting the farmer out of
business.

No need for protection.

You see, Harry's not the brightest spot.

Rumour has it he was dropped on his head
as a baby.

So we arrest him for disturbing the
peace.

Times is hard, lad.

He's got to make a living.

He's breaking the law.

We are vice.

Him putting pressure on them will make
our job easier.

He'll be demanding money from them,
which they'll have to find.

They're more likely to take risks, slip
up.

Then we nab them.

I'll be responsible for the biggest bust
in Rochdale's history of vice.

I don't think we had a history of vice
here, Sarge. Well, this bust will put

Rochdale on the map for the den of vice
it really is.

Probably make all the papers.

Rochdale.

Sergeant Foreman.

Cracks open House of Whores.

Probably get me a picture in there as
well, you know.

The bastard's gone.

Gigi said I'd need muscle to keep the
clients in order.

I didn't think... What are you going to
do?

What are we going to do, Enid?

We're in this together.

Well, I'm only asking.

That's what I meant.

I'm just starting to feel like I was
getting me head above water.

You know, feeling like it could have
worked.

Things never work out.

It's not the end of the world.

We'll sort something out.

How?

If I pay him, I can't pay my mortgage.

And it'll never end. It'll just keep
coming back.

That's what protection's all about.
Protection?

A noun?

The action of protecting someone or
something.

Or the state of being protected.

A means or method of defending.

Armament.

Armour.

She's in shock. Safeguard.

Security.

Sharon.

You're okay, love.

You're safe.

What time is it?

I'm tired.

You lay down.

I could do with a lay down.

See yourself, don't you?

Looks like we've had it.

I knew I shouldn't have darted, Beth. If
I hadn't have... It's not the end of

the world.

No, it's never gonna...

I'm so lonely, the one and only, I can't
cry.

I feel alone all day,

such a lonely day.

But the midnight.

Look every day to earn my pay.

No

hope

inside.

Do you think that's a good idea?

I've got no alternative.

What's he like?

Is he beefy? I like a rugged guy.

Muscles are like a bonus.

I think he can handle himself.

But he might not want to help.

And is he tough enough to sort out that
big thug? If it were me, I wouldn't want

to tangle with him. Maybe it's best if
we... Oh, you're always pouring sour

on everything lately. What's up with
you? I'm not.

Have you ever thought it might be you
driving us up the wall?

She's frustrated.

Totally fancies one of her clients. That
was a secret.

Yeah.

Oh, Mavis.

Which one?

It's not bloody difficult.

Shut it, Enid.

Client here?

No. Why, it could be any of my clients.

I know you told us not to get involved,
the punters, and they just think of us

as whores, but... He makes me feel so...
sexy

when I'm with him. Because he's bloody
desperate.

I think they'd make a nice pair.

This isn't a dating service.

Maybe we'd have less trouble if it was.

We might not be here in two days' time
if we can't scare this... villain...

villain off.

The girls will be arriving soon.

Let's hope tonight girls all care.

Client A tonight.

So? Maybe he'll bring you flowers and
hold your hand.

F off.

Now there's class.

A woman like that oozes sophistication.

You can tell by the carriage.

She could have a book in her head. She
wouldn't fall off.

Hey, she's looking at me, Sarge. She
isn't looking at you, Jackson.

She's coming.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Sorry to disturb.

No problem.

How can I help you?

Actually, I think I can help you. I
presume you haven't noticed.

Your tax disc is the wrong colour.

It's out of date.

No,

no, we hadn't noticed.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

It's a good job you're not a traffic
warden, eh?

Or a police officer.

That's funny. Please,

please, forgive me.

Why, what have you done?

You don't sound like you're from around
here.

Oh, is that obvious? I should really
turn down my... No, no, you sound...

Well, you sound very, very nice.

Really nice.

Oh, thank you.

How sweet.

I think it's due to my parents sending
me to boarding school, broadening the

education. Well, it sounds like they
succeeded.

Well, aren't you quite the gentleman?

You both are.

There's not many of us left.

I agree.

But I'm afraid I'll have to... What? So
soon?

Sorry. Maybe I'll see you both again
soon?

I should have asked her for her number.

How are we without much class?

She has already taken.

Um...

She must be going to the wrong... Um,
she's going in, Sarge.

Do you think she's, uh... She's gone to
the wrong house.

She's gone in, Sarge. I mean, you said
the wrong... Jackson!

Shut it.

It were Elizabeth.

I, uh... When did Vice move in?

The plainclothes police outside in the
black car?

Bugger me.

I presumed you knew.

Bugger me.

Yeah, that car was there yesterday with
two guys fat in it.

Are you sure?

That's all we need.

They can't do anything.

We're not breaking the law.

She's right.

I like checks and everything.

I'd like to see them try and do
something. I don't know if they could

This country's becoming a police state.
We can't even run a small business

without them breathing down our necks
and telling us what to do. I need to

think. Joan, it isn't a problem.

We keep them sweet.

They're only men.

And I've started the ball rolling.

I've been naughty.

Tomkinson, what have I told you about
being naughty in English lessons?

Don't you give me the cane, miss.

Drop them.

I love it when you're inside me, Robin.

Do you want a cuppa?

Oh, I'm parched. Oh, and some jockey
pickets.

Okay, we can have a natter.

Will you be long?

Oh, no, it's two minutes, John.

Oh, have you figured out yet whether
he's tight or just comes quick?

Oh,

oh, have you come all over my hot,
sticky body again?

Oh yeah, I came and I came again and
again.

Two minutes.

I think five lashes should teach you a
lesson.

Miss is a crap English teacher.

How dare you, Tonkinson. Twenty lashes.

There you go, love.

Slow night.

Mondays.

I'm doing all right.

Better than anyone.

I thought that bailiff guy was meeting
you tonight.

Yeah, he's late.

I hope he don't change his mind.

Well, if he's not here when that fuck
comes tomorrow, those two coppers will

step in.

They wouldn't just... sit there.

Would they?

Won't not.

I'll bloody drag them in.

Yeah? That Frank guy's here to see you.

Hey, he's a bit more right, isn't he?

Mavis is here to help.

You should ask him if he's got a
girlfriend.

Will you send him up?

Can I stay?

I thought you'd got a client.

Mistress!

Mistress, are you there?

But come here, I forgot all about him.

Mistress,

I thought you'd left me.

Are you complaining, are you?

No, I was worried you'd... Worried?

You're scum. What are you?

Scum. I'm scum.

You've forgotten something.

I'm Scum Mistress Payne.

That's better.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you for coming.

I didn't recognise you.

You look so... I guess I'd scrub up
well.

Yeah.

I mean, not that you weren't... It's OK,
I know what you mean.

Erm... I never thought when I came to
your house before you were a... Madam.

Well, there's anything wrong with... I
wasn't.

But it's the only way we can earn any
money.

As a madam in a whorehouse.

Where no one has any sex.

I heard that. Is it for real?

No sex.

Yeah. It can get a bit frustrating.

Anyway.

Let me tell you about our problem.

Bloody bankers. I hate bankers.

Yes, Mistress Payne.

What are bankers?

Bankers are wankers.

Good.

And that's why we need you.

We can pay you.

I know who this guy is.

So he's going to be here tomorrow to
collect?

Okay.

It'll be my pleasure.

Do you know what time?

No. I'll be here about ten.

Oh, that's when no one has sex.

Brilliant. I think it's harder for us
than the punters.

Couldn't you have eaten that before you
got in the car, lad?

Sorry, Sarge, I slept in.

Christ.

You're always tired.

I dropped you off at zero one hundred
hours.

You didn't go out at that time, did you,
lad?

You've been a naughty boy, Jackson.

No, Sarge.

Just couldn't get to sleep.

I was up all night.

And we all know what happens to naughty
boys that break the law.

They get arrested.

Oh, yeah.

Arrest me, Officer Sophie.

I know what you mean, lad.

I think this case is getting to me.

I've met my match.

Help! Help!

Somebody please help!

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

I'll help you, Miss Knightley.

Oh, Jane, you're my hero.

Sarge?

Sarge.

You okay, Sarge?

Yeah, lad.

I thought you didn't get much sleep
either, Sarge.

I had a heavy night.

A sergeant never rests.

That reminds me.

We're going to have to pull some all
-nighters from next week.

I can't, Sarge.

No?

Well, I mean, my mum's not well.

I have to look in on her by one o
'clock, Sarge.

That's the first I've heard, lad.

How come you didn't ring that up at a
meeting Monday morning?

Well, she only took ill last night.

This is the force, Jackson.

If I have to be here, you definitely do.

I think I like sitting out here.

Knowing what's going on in there.

You think I don't have needs.

Think I don't have a life.

Don't like to go out occasionally.

I have a life.

Yes, Sarge.

Er, Sarge.

All those years without a thought for my
needs.

Who's he?

Adam!

Wow. Why didn't you use your key?

Lost it.

Quick!

What's going on?

In two months, you're all grown up.

Well, what happened? You're five years
younger.

Are you using Botox?

I think you'd better come and sit down.

What?

What? A brothel.

But there's no sex.

I can understand the phone sex thing.

Soft. I mean, that's odd.

Very odd.

But a brothel?

With no sex.

Mum, if the police find out, you'll get
put away.

I'm not worried about them. They're sat
outside.

What? Been watching the house for days,
weeks.

Got two of them as clients last night.

Doing what?

Fantasy stuff.

Not with me.

I know this is a lot to take in, love.

But there isn't much time.

We've got a problem with a big thug
who's demanding protection money.

Today. Is that all?

And I've got in touch with a man who's
going to help us see him off.

He was supposed to be here an hour ago.

That's it. I've got malaria and I'm
going to wake up in a minute.

Listen, Adam, you've got to go.

Where?

Anywhere. Just for today. It's not safe.

I'm not leaving you here.

If the police are outside, they'll stop
this thug.

They didn't stop him when he tried to
break in last time. Eh?

Just leave.

Stubborn like your father.

My mother.

The madam.

You eat like a pig.

I don't.

See, that's the problem with your
generation.

You've forgotten what a knife and fork's
for.

Do you use them at home?

I use a fork.

Exactly. That's my point.

Now, they have an implement designed for
the holding and lifting of food.

But you don't use a knife for the
cutting up of food into decent -sized

portions, no.

Your generation prefers to stab people
in the streets with them.

That's because I'm a vegetarian.

Well, you've just downed an enormous
bloody hamburger.

Yeah, but we all know they're not really
made of meat, Sarge.

Hmm.

And how do we know that then, lad?

Everyone knows.

I learned that at school, from my mates.

When I told them I was a vegetarian,
they said, yeah, but that doesn't

hamburgers and fast food joints, because
they're not meat.

So this Frank, did you pay him yet?

I'm not daft, love.

He was different.

He's not answering any of his calls.

Hamburgers are made to taste like meat.

But it's really some sort of substitute.

Except for America.

In the US, they're real.

I guess it's because they invented them.

And they've got lots of beef.

So, er... How many British hamburgers do
you consume every week, then?

About seven or eight, Sarge. Love them.

Police recruiting isn't what it was.

Watch the house, lad. Watch the house.

Maybe it's been delayed.

An hour?

Isn't there anyone else that can help?

I've given all the girls a day off till
this is sorted out one way or the other.

Enid wanted to be here, but... Enid?

You mean Enid?

She's doing this? With the brothel,
yeah.

But she's got to be over 60.

She has the most clients.

She has sex.

No one has sex.

But it doesn't stop her pestering me to
change the rules.

Maybe he'll go away.

How come?

Come on then!

What are you doing?

Like, who are you?

Rambo? No.

Sharon, what are you doing here?

Everyone's been giving the day off
because of the guy.

My mum always said you should face your
demons.

I may as well.

Yeah, because you're so tough.

I'm not used to scare anyone.

Hey.

You've made me track you down. Come to
your own.

I don't like it when people avoid me.

Why are you avoiding me?

You're supposed to pay me today.

I wasn't avoiding you, Abby. I wasn't.
Are you sure?

I wouldn't do that.

Good.

Got anything to eat?

Yeah, sure thing.

Are we okay, then?

Thanks, Addy.

Because we're mates, aren't we?

Are we? Yeah, we're mates.

Great. It's hard finding friends in my
line of work.

Yeah, but I'm your friend.

Tony, thanks.

Talking about it, you got my money?
Yeah, yeah, sure thing, Addy.

Make me a sandwich first before you get
me my money.

I'll pay you tomorrow.

You're getting on great.

No, Harry. It's all good. And then you
tell me that.

You've gone and spoiled it now.

I've changed my plans for the day to
come here. I haven't eaten in an hour.

Yeah, I didn't know I'm sorry. And I'm
supposed to be somewhere else by now.

Running late.

Yeah, but I'll get you the money
tomorrow.

That'll be good, won't it? And I'll make
you a really big sandwich if you let me

up.

Here.

What?

Shall I take a picture?

So you're one of the... Whores.

Prostitutes. Harlots.

Courtesans. I was going to say employees
if you didn't let me finish. I'm not an

employee.

It's a cooperative.

I'm a partner.

I'm surprised someone like you would
know the difference.

Sorry, you can't help it, can you? What
are you studying?

Eh?

Oh, I thought I talked like English.

What are you studying?

Philosophy.

It's a study of... Love of wisdom.

Eh?

A translation from the Greek word
philosophia.

I'm into existentialism.

Nietzsche's radical questioning of the
value and objectivity of truth.

The interpretation of, like, tragedy as
an affirmation of life, an eternal

recurrence. a rejection of Platonism and
a repudiation of both Christianity and

egalitarianism?

Still no answer.

Oh, what have you said now?

We're discussing philosophy.

You stay here.

Who is it?

Who's that?

I asked first.

Eh?

Maybe. Well, who did you think it was
going to be? Big bad wolf? Christ, it's

like Grand Central Picking Station.

Quick, lad, before you go in.

Sorry, guys.

Would you like to take a photo of me
before I go in?

Don't be a madame, bud.

Do you think she knows what we're doing,
Sarge?

No one else offered, so I'm here.

Oh, bugger.

Come in. I thought you weren't helping.

I changed my mind.

Come in. Well, it looks like you've got
all the help you need.

For God's sake, Enid.

Hi, Enid. Oh, bloody hell.

Well, I might as well go.

Oh, yeah, really.

What is it, Sarge?

Something's fishy.

Oh, sorry, Sarge. Sometimes the burgers
go right through me.

What are you doing?

Thinking, Sarge.

Never help us.

Can't get over how different everyone
looks.

I don't, do I?

Er, no.

Oh, good. I thought I might have, like,
changed and not noticed.

I wouldn't know.

Because I never saw what you looked like
before.

Oh, yeah?

You look different.

Not that I've, like, seen you before
either.

It's just that Enid and Mavis said you
were, like, totally spotty and wee.

Oh, thanks.

You're welcome.

But, um, you look kind of, like, rugged.

Yeah.

We need a plan.

Taser him in the knot.

Enid, don't you think we'd need a taser
for that?

Oh, bugger.

Left it in the house.

You're like really tall, aren't you?

Maybe we could all overpower him.

If we managed to overpower him, he'd
hurt a lot of us first.

Sharon's got an idea.

It's a bit off the wall, but I'll let
her explain.

Right.

What we do?

Have you got my money? Oh, hello.

Sorry, I don't know your name.

Harry?

Have you got my money?

Yeah. Come in.

Come in.

This should be fun.

Hmm?

Because the last thing you want is Harry
in your house.

Why, Sarge?

Figure it out, Jackson.

Well?

Is it? No.

Got any money?

Of course we have.

Oh, everybody, meet Harry.

Hi, Harry.

Hi, Harry.

Would you like a cup of tea while you're
waiting, love?

Er, OK.

You got anything to eat?

Up with John.

I know.

Would you like a meat pie?

Only one?

I'll see what I can do.

How's business?

Could be better.

Maybe you need a good accountant.

I could do your book for you, if you
like.

Something's not right.

Sarge, do you think he's killed him?

Don't be stupid.

Do you like it?

He's a growing lad, Joan.

Must be, like, totally exhausting doing
your job.

I bet it's tiring.

Is it tiring?

Got any more?

Give him some more. He wants more.

No!

Sharon, go and get him another pie.

Don't bother.

It's everything but a thought.

Are we going to move him?

I bet you could do it.

Oh, yeah. Gotta go.

Come here.

Hope I'm not too late.

My car broke down. I left my phone out.

I'm so sorry.

You okay?

Easy, yeah?

What?

He's the one from the other day.

Have you got any shot?

Arrest me, Officer Sophie.

What? Hello? Yes, George.

You Judas.

Sophie.

Why?

Why?

You guys have achieved what no one else
could. Used all Mavis's sleeping

tablets.

Right, I'll take them off your hands.

Oh, no you don't.

Enid's got plans for him.

Thanks for everything.

Go have a kiddo.

Well, I better.

Do you like to go out sometime?

Yeah.

I'll call you.

Make sure you do, madame.

Well Harry, let me introduce you to my
little

friend.

You're me.

How about some afternoon delight?

Get on that sofa.

Who'd have thought a gorilla like Harry
the Head Ripper could have been trained?

You are amazing.

I know.

Stockholm syndrome.

Works most of the time.

And Harry's like most men. A complete
pushover.

Hey, you don't think I'm stupid?

You thought I was.

Not anymore.

You're... You're... Bob? I know.

I'll finish the dusting now, Mistress
Payne.

Good, happy.

Is there anything else that you'd like
me to do for you, Mistress?

The ironing.

You lucky, lucky bastard.