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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 ckhunter 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,680 Hello, Viv! Hello. She sounds like a monster. 3 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,240 Oh, I know, I won't vote for her, she's horrific. 4 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,280 Are you with me? 5 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,240 CHEERING 6 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,480 Our records show you may not have leave to remain. 7 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,640 They're taking him away? 8 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,960 They're flying me out at 7am. 9 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,120 You can't deport someone in a single day! 10 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,760 Ho-ho, your little world. 11 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,200 Hello, Bethany speaking. 12 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,080 Oh, my God! I had it implanted. My hand is the phone! 13 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,400 You were exposed to one gray of radiation. 14 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,120 I think you might have ten years. 15 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,640 This programme contains some strong language 16 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,520 Go on, Vivienne! You did it. 17 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,640 Stephen, how much did you lose? 18 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,520 £1,135,000. 19 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,960 Let me in! 20 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,160 Where are you going to live? 21 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,480 Welcome home. 22 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,360 Just look at the state we are in. 23 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,680 Christmas has been ruined for so many hard-working families. 24 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,880 The collapse of the banks goes on and on. 25 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,520 Now they say Hathersage is in trouble. 26 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,640 For God's sake, my mother has got her life savings in Hathersage. 27 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,560 But they've done it, haven't they, the banks? 28 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,440 They've left us completely BLEEP. 29 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,120 We've told you before, you really can't use language like that. 30 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,000 Well, you can censor me all you like, 31 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,600 but they swear, don't you? 32 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,880 All of you. 33 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,840 When you think of what the system has done to us, 34 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,160 don't you swear the roof down? 35 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,720 What do we do, the rest of us normal people? What do we do? 36 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,040 Normal people? You're a Member of Parliament. 37 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,840 You're supposed to have the answer. 38 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,000 I think I have, I've got exactly that, 39 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,240 because next year we face a general election and, God knows, 40 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,040 we need to shake things up, don't you think? 41 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,360 So I propose, in order to vote, 42 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:47,360 every British citizen must take an IQ test. 43 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,120 What? 44 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,520 You can't say that! 45 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:51,880 Oh, she's brilliant. 46 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,600 I said you'd like it. 47 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,200 If you score above 70, you can vote. Simple as that. 48 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,480 Oh, she is outrageous. 49 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,200 70's quite low. It's not that bad. 50 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,400 Are you saying that some people are too stupid to vote? 51 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,600 No. That's what YOU say, 52 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,480 millions of you, at work, at home, in the pub, 53 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,280 you say, "Take away the vote." 54 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,080 You say it, Dan. All the time. 55 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,000 That was you and Brexit, nonstop. 56 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:19,560 You say things are too complicated and people are not clever enough. 57 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,880 HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN 58 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,520 And you said it, Steve. I heard you. You said it last week. 59 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,040 STEVE: Oh, right. It's all my fault. 60 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,800 Some of us have work to do. Excuse me! I'm working! 61 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,920 But he's doing actual, physical work. 62 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,120 You want another cup of tea? No. 63 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,200 Like it or not, she's got a point. People are thick. 64 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,360 Hold on. Would you ban me? 65 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,200 Not if you passed the test. 66 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,480 Oh, my God! You'd ban me! 67 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,320 Edith, I don't get it. I thought you were the great anarchist. 68 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,880 Well, that's Vivienne Rook. She's ripping up democracy. I love it. 69 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,640 Hold on, though. This isn't real. This isn't legal. 70 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,600 She's only one MP. She can't actually do it. 71 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,480 Hey, one more thing about next year, dad's birthday, his 70th. 72 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:05,840 So? 73 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,760 How is that relevant? 74 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,960 Oh, my God. Is he 70? 75 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:14,040 He's still living in Leicester, which isn't far. Just saying. 76 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,080 2026, let the people decide, 77 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,960 but only the clever ones. 78 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,120 SIMON MCCOY: The shock from the banking crisis continues, 79 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,880 with Moody's reducing the UK credit rating to A2. 80 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,400 Panic in the City as Kleiman Ajax has been declared bankrupt. 81 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,600 Consequences for the pharmaceutical industry will be enormous. 82 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,120 Can't get the drugs. Ordinary drugs, you can't get them. 83 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,880 Ruby takes Clobazam for her epilepsy. 84 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,560 The chemist says, "We're out of stock. Come back in six weeks." 85 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,640 The emergency election in France has seen a 30% swing to the right. 86 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,080 We were going to get Viktor into France. 87 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,560 Not any more. 88 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,920 Now they deport anyone without a visa. 89 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,720 HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN 90 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,880 In anticipation of the general election, 91 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,640 the government has employed 10,000 data sweepers 92 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,080 to monitor Russian interference. Hello. 93 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,520 Hi, there, Bethany. I'm Lucie. 94 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,200 I like your phone. 95 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,720 THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY 96 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,160 Link, radio off, call Viktor. 97 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,120 Calling Viktor. 98 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,720 TABLET RINGS 99 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,360 Link, try again. 100 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,600 TABLET RINGS 101 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,520 Link, send text to Viktor. 102 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,000 Hey, comma, get up, you lazy bastard, full stop. 103 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:49,560 Emoji kiss, emoji wink... emoji erect penis, send. 104 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,040 Link, try Viktor one more time. 105 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,520 Calling Viktor. 106 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,840 TABLET RINGS 107 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,400 Viktor linked. 108 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,160 Listen, I was thinking I could come out to see you on the 1st and... 109 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,000 Viktor, is that you? 110 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,680 Vik, are you there? Hello? 111 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,400 Hello. 112 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,240 I said, hello. 113 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,480 Hello, can you hear me? 114 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,840 Ah. 115 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:37,040 HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN 116 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,560 I'm not... I don't... 117 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:45,520 HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN 118 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:49,360 I'm sorry, but I can't speak.. Erm... 119 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,200 You called, Skype here, yes? 120 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,440 Yes. Viktor Goraya. 121 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,320 You called Viktor Goraya, yes? 122 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,360 Daniel Lyons is you? 123 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,640 Yes. You know Viktor Goraya. 124 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,840 He's my friend... 125 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,320 ..and I'm calling him, which I'm allowed to do. 126 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,480 I haven't done anything wrong and neither has he. 127 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,080 Where is he? 128 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,360 HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN 129 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,120 It's you, huh? 130 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,760 Hello, sir. 131 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,880 HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN 132 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,760 Do you pay him, Englishman? No. 133 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,960 He's your bitch. 134 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,920 Shit. 135 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,760 I don't know but they were the police. 136 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,280 Well, it was a uniform. 137 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,640 Look, I've been out there. 138 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,840 They were proper policemen. 139 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,360 I'm looking for Viktor. 140 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,360 Viktor Goraya. 141 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,920 Erm... 142 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,920 HE TRIES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN 143 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,920 No, I won't be coming into work today. We need you. 144 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,360 No, I'm sorry, I just can't, sorry, no. 145 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,280 He passed his Rule 35 assessment IN the UK. 146 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,320 So who do I speak to? 147 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:31,520 My name is Daniel Lyons. I work for Manchester City Council. 148 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,680 I need some help... For God's sake! 149 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,840 Sorry, not you. 150 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,200 So the police said, "Give us his name," but if I do that 151 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,440 and they say, "Who are you?" and I say, "I'm his boyfriend," 152 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,000 what if they pass that on? 153 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,840 Cos that's like evidence, isn't it? So what do I do? 154 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,240 I mean, what do I do? I mean, really...what do I do? 155 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,360 PHONE RINGS Hello. 156 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,280 Hello! 157 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:01,480 It's me. I'm safe. I'm OK. 158 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,400 I'm sorry. Oh, my God! 159 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,560 Are you all right? Fine. 160 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,560 Where are you? I got away. 161 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,520 Are you all right? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm with Roman. 162 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,720 I ran so fast I didn't have my phone, but I'm OK. 163 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,920 I promise. 164 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,680 Turns out he's in Odessa. 165 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,400 Literally had two minutes' warning. Ran before the police arrived, 166 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,200 left everything behind, got on a bus, 167 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,200 this clickety-clackety bus type thing, 168 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,440 no suspension, overland, nine hours later, 169 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,360 Odessa, thank you very much. 170 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,160 I don't even know where that is. 171 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,800 Is he safe though, is he OK? 172 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,080 He's got this mate, Roman, 173 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,320 he says Viktor can hide there for a bit, so... 174 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,160 I'm sorry. Thanks, sweetheart, thank you. 175 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,640 Hi, Lizzie. Hello. 176 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,080 Has he actually broken the law? 177 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,440 Well, no, technically. Technically, no. 178 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,920 But the Communist Party applied to make same-sex relationships illegal, 179 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,560 or you can't express homosexuality. 180 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,920 That's the phrase, you can't express it. 181 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,760 They tried to do that back in 2016. 182 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:03,240 Now this is the Communist Party, this isn't a bunch of nutters, 183 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:07,080 this is the people's party and they applied again, in 2019, 184 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,520 and, this year, third time lucky, 185 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:13,240 so, yeah, any day now, he's a criminal. 186 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,760 PHONE BLEEPS 187 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,400 Oh, I've got to go, mate, got to go. 188 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,200 Delivering a parcel to Whalley Range. Sorry. 189 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,800 So what are you going to do? 190 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,320 Well, we've got to get him out, we've got to get him into a country 191 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,760 that grants asylum but, to do that, he's got to cross the border. 192 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,640 You mean illegally? Yeah. 193 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,360 And how dangerous is that? 194 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:33,760 Very. 195 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,200 So we'll have to do it illegally. 196 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,000 God knows how, but I've got to get him over the border and out. 197 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,040 Oh, my God! That's amazing. 198 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,960 Give him my love! Good luck. 199 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,360 I'm sorry but I'm running out of ways to say, "Oh, my God." 200 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,080 Odessa's by the sea. I think it's a really nice place to live. 201 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,240 Do you think he sends Viktor money? Oh, I know he does. 202 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,120 Right, I'm late, I'm off. 203 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,280 Bloody nerve, calling me in at half term. I bet it's trouble! 204 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:03,280 I was thinking, Lee's spending the day with his little mate, Craig. 205 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,480 I could take Lincoln out. 206 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,840 There's this Chinese ceramics thing on at the Whitworth, 207 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,960 then we could go see Toy Story Resurrection. 208 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960 You know Woody gets burnt to death? 209 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,880 Don't go giving him nightmares. 210 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,200 Right, behave. 211 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,640 There's a good boy. 212 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,280 And you, metal head, bye-bye! 213 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,800 Bye. 214 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:26,040 What do you think? Nice little adventure with your auntie? 215 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:30,200 There. Gorgeous. OK, don't tell your mum and I'll give you ten quid. 216 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,640 Who's a beautiful girl? What do you want to be called? 217 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,720 Susie. OK, Susie, off we go. 218 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,080 Whoa. Now we can have an adventure, you and me, 219 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,200 but it's a secret from everyone else. 220 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,200 So if I say the word "diamond", you say, "I want to go to the toilet." 221 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,160 Like, oh, what a pretty diamond. 222 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,280 I want to go to the toilet. 223 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,880 I'd love to have a diamond. 224 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,800 I want to go to the toilet. 225 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,840 Someone please buy me a diamond. 226 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,440 I want to go to the toilet. 227 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,000 I wish I had a diamond. 228 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,600 I want to go to the toilet. 229 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,760 Very, very, very good... 230 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,760 ..Susie. 231 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,360 Hello. 232 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,560 That's your bring your daughter to work activity pack. 233 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,560 Aren't you gorgeous? What's your name? 234 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,600 Susie. 235 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:19,880 Welcome to Wytel, Susie. 236 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,960 So just pretend you're very, very sad. 237 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,000 Hello, I'm Holly. I'm in charge of the daughters' playgroup. 238 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,040 I've not seen you before, have I? 239 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,880 No, it's all this hot desking. 240 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,880 I normally, sort of, work over there. 241 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,800 This is Susie. She's a bit sad at the moment because her father, 242 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,680 you know, let's not get into it! The buffoon! 243 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,400 So be nice to her. 244 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,880 Oh, of course I will. 245 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,760 Now then, Susie, I've got some nice soft play. 246 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,760 Would you like to come and meet the others? 247 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,480 There now, Susie, 248 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,760 I must say, you look like a right little diamond! 249 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,800 I want to go to the toilet. 250 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,960 Oh, right then. Off we go. 251 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,160 Well done! Good girl! 252 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,400 Just like the old days. 253 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,080 This is the last time. See you next week. 254 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,560 You suit those ribbons. Can I keep them? 255 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,400 I don't see why not. 256 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,320 I spent a week working for Harpoons 257 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,600 but, to be honest, I thought their standards weren't that high. 258 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,720 They were a bit imprecise, which is deadly in this job. 259 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,080 So I thought I'd go and work for Beckindole's, best careers in town. 260 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,800 I've got a clean driving licence, 261 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,320 so I can work the vans or the bikes, whatever you want. 262 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,520 Well, for a start, you're not couriers. 263 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,360 We call you lifestyle enhancers 264 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,720 because you make people's life feel better. Do you get it? 265 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,000 Yeah, works for me. Right, standard rules. 266 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,640 50 pence a parcel. 267 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,720 If any parcel takes longer than 60 minutes to deliver 268 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,040 you won't be paid. 269 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,080 No holiday, no sick pay, no argument. 270 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:20,320 You'll pay Beckindole £1.50 a day insurance if you're on the van, 271 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,560 £1 if you're on the bike, 272 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,400 and the £1 charge applies even on days off. 273 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,200 You're a bit overqualified, aren't you? 274 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,000 Oh, well, I suppose I've wasted my time a little bit. 275 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,920 Yeah, you're not the only one. I've got tons of you these days. 276 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,080 Neil, over there, went to Oxford. 277 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,480 Studied astrology. 278 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,680 Doesn't help him cycle any faster, does it? 279 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,160 No, no, I don't suppose it does, astronomy. 280 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,000 But never mind. 281 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,160 So what did you do before? 282 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,480 Oh, banking. 283 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,000 Oh, those bastards. 284 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,040 I know, bastards. 285 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,600 Look what they've done to us. 286 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,640 I hated it, I'm glad to be out. 287 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,360 So what do I do, just pull the string? Mm-hm. 288 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,720 You...you can't let school kids have this. They'll be scarred! 289 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,520 We trust them with knives and forks. This is much the same. 290 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,160 Not too hot, not too cold. That's why they're calling it 291 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,000 Goldilocks Clean Meat, 292 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,320 completely artificial, 293 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,600 grown in a laboratory. 294 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,520 It's so far removed from the original animal, 295 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,080 they're saying it's fit for vegans. 296 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,200 Grown how? What does it look like? 297 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,320 They're called bolts, bolts of meat. 298 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,560 Like those things in kebabs shops, but enormous. 299 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,360 Well, I do love kebabs. 300 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,080 Damn. Injected with saltless salt. 301 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,240 Oh, my God! It's delicious. 302 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,160 That's bad news, that. 303 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,000 Mm, God, it's nice, isn't it? 304 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,440 Mm. 305 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,040 They haven't cracked salad yet. We still need staff for that. 306 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,560 I've done the sums. We need four. 307 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,000 Four people? Mm-hm, I think so. 308 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,960 Well, I've got a staff of ten, so who's going to go? 309 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,440 Beverley. Who else? 310 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,560 Rosie, I've got to lose £200,000. 311 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,680 It's the same every time. The banks collapse, 312 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,880 the government bails them out, so they take money off us. 313 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,160 I'm sorry, but six of the catering staff will have to go. 314 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,440 Including all managerial posts. 315 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,800 But that's me. You mean me? 316 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,440 The Goldilocks system doesn't need skills at your level. 317 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:38,600 I've got two kids. 318 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,840 We need to restructure. I can give you till Easter. 319 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,400 That's plenty of notice for you to have a look around 320 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,120 and try other avenues. 321 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,160 Here come the dinner ladies! All right, girls? 322 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:03,040 It's my big farewell, before I'm replaced by a bolt of vegan meat. 323 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,400 We've got food and booze and music and it didn't cost me a penny 324 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,640 cos it's my big, gay brother's birthday. 325 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,560 He's paying for the whole thing. 326 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,040 You'll like him, Eric! Whoo! 327 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,160 Come on, then. 328 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:19,000 Hey, lads. Hi, Stephen. Hey, how are you? All right? Thanks for coming. 329 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,120 This is really nice of you. Oh, well, it's my brother's idea. 330 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:26,200 Yeah, that's him, over there. Yeah, that's Dan, with the muscles. 331 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,120 Yeah, he's 37 today, so he said, "Let's have a blow out." 332 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,640 Oh, this is the long-suffering. 333 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,680 Celeste, this is Pete from work. 334 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,400 That doesn't help. You've got about five jobs. Which one? 335 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,720 The couriers, yeah! Best courier team in South Manchester. 336 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,560 That's Stan and Alif and Elaine and John. 337 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,520 He works harder than anyone, your husband. He puts us to shame. 338 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,800 Oh, I'm doing three jobs myself, but I bet he didn't mention that. 339 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,120 We need the money! I'm the man who lost a million quid, remember? 340 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,240 How can we forget? 341 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,640 We can try. 342 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,400 Oh, brilliant. That's great. 343 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,160 Oh, there's a perfect space at the back. I want you to play loud. 344 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,520 Oh, I can do loud. 345 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,600 We did Glastonbury and Ralph McTell complained. 346 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,480 We're OK, aren't we? 347 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,240 I mean this plan, it is going to work, isn't it? 348 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,960 I hope so. Fingers crossed, yeah. 349 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,360 Yeah, yeah, all right. 350 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,440 All right. 351 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,680 Oh, Lizzie, this is my Auntie Edith, 352 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,480 the one that works for those charities. 353 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,040 Lizzie did that research for you. On Wytel Industries? 354 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,400 Oh, yeah, thanks, Lizzie, it really helped, thank you. 355 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,960 It was for this fundraising thing. 356 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,800 They're going bust now, Wytel, did you hear? 357 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,120 There's some sort of big scandal. It was on the news this morning. 358 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,760 Oh, is that right? Erm, actually I forgot... 359 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,840 ..that thing. I'll see you later. 360 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,120 Oh, it's so good of you to come. 361 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,720 I've driven past this house. I always wondered what it was like. 362 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,720 Come on, have a look. Viktor says hello and thank you. 363 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,320 The work you did with that petition was amazing. 364 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,320 Dan's going a bit nuts, isn't he? 365 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,880 Just a little bit. 366 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,440 His head's going to go Hong Sha if he doesn't calm down. 367 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,400 That's what they say now, Hong Sha, kaboom. 368 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,160 Do you remember when Hong Sha went off? We all said, 369 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,520 "Oh, the whole world has changed. 370 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,960 "Things will never be the same." 371 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,440 Hardly gets mentioned any more. 372 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,400 Well, except the consequences of that ruined my entire life. 373 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,120 I know, darling. 374 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,720 Eric, you need lots of pepper. 375 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,640 Coleslaw is all about the pepper. 376 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,200 You just brought us here to work. 377 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,640 Correct. Get on with it. 378 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,600 Gran, why does my signal keep cutting out? 379 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,200 Oh, go on to Signor Two! That works, for some reason. 380 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,240 Thank you. 381 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,280 So what's this new job of hers? 382 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,400 Charity stuff. She used to help them out in the field, and now she does 383 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,400 it in cities. She goes into boardrooms and asks them for money. 384 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,960 It just seems so calm for Edith. 385 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,880 She was always chaining herself to railings and burning things down. 386 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,840 I'm strangely disappointed. 387 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,840 Lincoln likes those little ribbons. 388 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,440 It's not a problem, is it? 389 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,240 He looks very pretty. 390 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,880 TABLET: Well, I doubt that Wytel knew what they were doing 391 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,040 but the leaked document spells it out. 392 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:11,800 Wytel supplied equipment to MBJM who sent it to Damascus, 393 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,280 where it was used to build Syria's concentration camps. 394 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,000 And to return to the headlines. 395 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,080 The Prime Minister has confirmed the date of the general election 396 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,840 as Thursday the 7th of May. 397 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,520 We asked MPs for their reaction. 398 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,000 I am delighted. 399 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,240 At last, let the fight begin. 400 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,200 Right, food's up. We have beef burgers, 401 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,200 hot dogs, proper sausages, veggie burgers, 402 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,360 and this is the latest thing, 403 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,160 it's orange burger, 404 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,720 made out of orange peel. 405 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,640 Those two, you don't think...? 406 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,200 Do you? I don't know. 407 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,880 No. I think Beth's just being 14. 408 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,200 She was never 14, she's just got a crush, that's all. 409 00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,920 However... 410 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,600 Oh, my God, I thought so too. Do you know, I never know with Edith? 411 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,120 Trust me, she's tried everything, 412 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,960 all those years at sea. 413 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,480 I tried telling my mum. She doesn't understand. 414 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,400 I mean, she won't understand. 415 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,080 She refuses. 416 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,680 My mum and dad, they're like, haven't you grown out of that yet? 417 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,320 I said, "Mum, you should look online. 418 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,880 "You should see Richard Albright." 419 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,320 He's got a wafer in his head. 420 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,200 He can print his thoughts. 421 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,760 How far would you go, Beth, to be trans-human? 422 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,760 It's like, sometimes, 423 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,480 I think my lungs fill with up with air 424 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,240 and it goes in and out like some sort of bellows, and it feels so... 425 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,560 ..thick. 426 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,840 We could be so much better than this. We could be free. 427 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,520 We could be flying. 428 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,440 We should be wavelengths in the air. 429 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,640 How much money have you got? 430 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,200 Why? 431 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,440 Tell me how much. 432 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,360 My dad gave me 10,000 for my 18th. Even when we lost everything, 433 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,800 he said, "That's yours. Hold on to it!" 434 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,880 Cos I did it, Beth. 435 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,360 I contacted that woman. 436 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,680 I spoke to her, I actually spoke to her and she said we'd be perfect. 437 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,200 Oh, my God. 438 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,680 You could pay for us both. 439 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,360 Would you do it? 440 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:27,720 Would you? 441 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,880 UPBEAT MUSIC Woo! 442 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,480 I want to see you all dancing. 443 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,960 Hey-hey. 444 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,360 # Tonight Tonight's the wedding feast 445 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,880 # The men arriving with the slaughtered beast 446 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,400 # A wail, a chant soon fills the air 447 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,720 # For miles around the people cheer 448 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,880 # Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight 449 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,560 # All the spirits looking happy, red and bright 450 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:07,120 # Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight 451 00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:11,200 # The bones are thrown and Mama's path is shining bright 452 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,520 # Ela gqirha laqgitha laqabela phaya 453 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,800 # Ela gqirha laqgitha laqabela phaya... # 454 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,680 SHE SHOUTS IN RHYTHM WITH THE BAND 455 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,760 Thank you. Thank you, isn't she amazing? 456 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,320 Miss Fran Baxter, everyone. 457 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,200 Er, OK, just a couple of things. 458 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,520 Happy birthday to me, obviously. 459 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,600 Don't start singing, not yet, hold on. I'm 25 today. 460 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,040 But first of all, I just want to say thank you 461 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,720 on behalf of someone who can't be here tonight, Viktor Goraya. 462 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,600 Oh, here we go. 463 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,720 So many of you, well, everyone, you've all been so kind. 464 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,960 He means you. I'm the best. 465 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,920 I know it has been months of worry and petitions, 466 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,360 you all wrote letters and things, you've all been amazing, 467 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:02,720 but he was trapped in a country that denies his existence... 468 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,480 ..until Thursday night. 469 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,640 Er, because Thursday night Viktor left Odessa 470 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,080 and he went to Ternopil. 471 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,920 At midnight, he got into a lorry and 472 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,920 they crossed the border at Krakovets, successfully. 473 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,400 CHEERING 474 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,640 Got into Poland, ten hours, down through Germany, 475 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,120 still too dangerous, stopped near Stuttgart 476 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,880 and they got from that lorry into another lorry. 477 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,280 Thanks, Siobhan. 478 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,400 From there, through France. 479 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,400 I know, I know, I know. 480 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,720 Onwards, down to Spain. 481 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:38,760 DRUM HIT 482 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,600 Thank you. He crossed the border 483 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,040 and he did it, he got there. 484 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,920 CHEERING 485 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,960 And that was today. 486 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,040 And he's surrendered himself to the Spanish authorities 487 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,440 and they arrested him, but that was the plan. 488 00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:01,400 Socialist Spain, they arrested him, he applies for asylum, 489 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,080 they won't deport him. 490 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,720 What I'm saying is, well, he did it. 491 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,880 He's safe. He's there! 492 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,520 WILD CHEERING 493 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,720 I know this for a fact because, because, because... 494 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,640 Here he is! 495 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,640 MUSIC: Mama Tembu's Wedding by Margaret Singana 496 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,240 All right, thanks. 497 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:10,040 My name is Daniel Lyons and I have booked the conjugal suite. 498 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,920 SPANISH TRANSLATION APP: Mi nombre es Daniel Lyons. 499 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,760 Ha reservado la suite conyugal. 500 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,680 First door on the right. 501 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,000 Thanks. 502 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,960 There you are. 503 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,760 Hey. 504 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,120 Look at this room. 505 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,280 God. Hello. 506 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,400 Hi. 507 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,200 So what they've done now is this. 508 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,560 Beckindole won't let me drive across Manchester 509 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,120 because of the congestion charge, 510 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,560 so I have to pick things up from the depot on my bike, 511 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,640 large or small, doesn't matter, I have to carry them on my bike 512 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,520 out of the congestion zone to a designated Beckindole car park 513 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,320 full of Beckindole vans. 514 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,640 I'm not allowed to use my own van, even if I had one, 515 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,280 in case I build my own business in my spare time, 516 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,800 so I can only use Beckindole vans, and I'm allocated one 517 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,720 and I go to deliver my parcel, leave my bike, God knows where, 518 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,320 because I'm not allowed to put it in the van. 519 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:46,440 £7.60 an hour, except I only get £3.90 because I'm new, 520 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,560 so I'm classified as an apprentice. 521 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,680 So what are the five jobs? 522 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,200 Celeste said you had five. 523 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,880 Don't use her name. Not here! That's not fair. 524 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:04,280 Delivery, courier, hospitality, pizza, and... 525 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,760 Er, drug tests! I'm a guinea pig. 526 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,560 The gig economy, that's me. 527 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,640 And what does she do? 528 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,800 Book-keeping. 529 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,840 She used to have a staff of 25, 530 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,400 now she does the budgets for local primary schools. 531 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,120 She never complains. 532 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:28,480 That pisses me off. 533 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:33,160 I wish she would complain but, no, I get this monument. 534 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,680 But that house is enormous. 535 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,200 Your gran's. You could sell it, have 100,000 each! 536 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,000 You could all sail through the recession. 537 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,560 Houses don't shift these days. No-one's got any money to spend. 538 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,280 You could try. 539 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,320 The man who lost a million quid. 540 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,920 I lost 20,000, which might be nothing to you, 541 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,240 but it's left me stuck in this place. 542 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,760 Know when you're lucky, Steve. 543 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,400 Did you register this address for the election? 544 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,200 I never got round to it. 545 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,720 But now you can't vote. 546 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,680 What's it matter? 547 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,680 PHONE BUZZES 548 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,800 Missed call. 549 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,240 It's the wife. 550 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,600 Stop it. 551 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,840 Where's 0116? 552 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,480 Leicester, I think. 553 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,280 Hello, Signor. 554 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:33,160 Family link override, not Muriel, not Celeste. 555 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,720 Thanks. Call. 556 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,160 Family link, Stephen calling. 557 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,440 OK. Hello. Funny time of day. 558 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,960 PHONE RINGS 559 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,760 Hey, can it wait? I'm a little bit busy. Is it important? 560 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,080 Hola, esta nueva Danielo en Madrido. 561 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,560 Hasta la vista, paella, si, si, si. 562 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,280 Er, OK, so I didn't want to wait, so... 563 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,920 ..are the kids there, Rosie? 564 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:01,560 Er, no, why, what is it? 565 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,200 Er, so I got a call, and erm... 566 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,760 ..Dad's dead. 567 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:09,640 No way. 568 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:12,680 Are you kidding? 569 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,120 No, seriously, it's for real. 570 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,360 No, I made it up, I thought it would be funny. 571 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,200 No, he's dead. 572 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:20,520 He's gone. 573 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,240 Two days, she said, he's gone. 574 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,400 Who did, Jacqueline? 575 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,720 Yeah, yeah, she phoned me. 576 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,160 Oh, my God, he was only 69. 577 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,200 He never made it to his birthday. 578 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,240 So what happened? 579 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,760 He was hit by a bike. 580 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,720 Sorry! 581 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:45,800 I mean, a bicycle. She said he was hit by a Rideree bike. 582 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,480 A bike? 583 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,000 Killed him? 584 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,880 Stephen, are you kidding us? 585 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,360 No, the bike didn't kill him. 586 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,040 The bike knocked him over 587 00:30:55,040 --> 00:31:00,160 and he had a scratch on his hand, er, that was all. 588 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,200 This is what Jacqueline said. 589 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,080 Erm, he was fine, he had a scratch, 590 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,440 but that turned into blood poisoning. 591 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,040 Oh, my God. Sepsis. 592 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,200 Yeah. 593 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:18,680 And they tried all the antibiotics, but they didn't work any more, so... 594 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:21,920 A scratch on his hand. 595 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,640 He was hit by a bike? 596 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,520 So they took him to hospital, 597 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,840 one o'clock this afternoon... 598 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,360 ..organ failure, and gone. 599 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,360 What was he delivering, the bike? Oh, Rosie, don't. 600 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:38,760 I want to know. 601 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:43,320 Actually I'd like to know. I mean, was he killed by a chicken vindaloo? 602 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,080 You know what? You lot are horrible. 603 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,560 No, he was horrible, Danny. He was. 604 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,080 Oh, for God's sake. 605 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,240 He slept with someone else and left us - 606 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,280 is it really the worst crime in the world? 607 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,240 Yeah, and then he had a whole second family with Jacqueline, 608 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:57,760 and did he ever bother with us? 609 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,360 And that's why, Rosie, 610 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,680 because that's how you spoke to him every time. 611 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,840 You can't hate someone and expect him to want to visit, can you? 612 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,000 Oh, nice one, Danny. Now you love him, now he's dead. 613 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,320 Cut the link. 614 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,680 That was a bit hard, Dan. 615 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,480 What a mess. 616 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,760 Hey, I'm sorry. 617 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,160 Yeah, me too. 618 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,600 And me. 619 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,120 You OK? 620 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,080 No. 621 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,160 I'm right though, because look at it from my point of view. 622 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,600 Mum and Dad had Stephen, fine, they had you, fine, 623 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,760 they had Daniel, they had a great, big, gay baby 624 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,120 and they were still fine, 625 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,120 then they had me and Dad buggered off. 626 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,080 If that's not my fault then what is? 627 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,160 But it's not your fault. 628 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:26,000 I don't mean fault, I just mean there I was and off he went. 629 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,680 Maybe it was just bad timing. 630 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,760 That's when he met Jacqueline, just happened to be then. 631 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,800 Jacqueline, I'll never forget that - 632 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,680 "Don't call me Jackie, my name is Jacqueline." 633 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,160 Which proves my point, cos he wasn't a wanderer. 634 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,640 He stayed with Jacqueline, they had a son and everything. 635 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,920 He was faithful, so the only time he wasn't was when I came along. 636 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,680 It's because he couldn't cope. 637 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,480 I don't know, maybe. 638 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:57,960 Definitely. 639 00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,640 Just too much of a coward. 640 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,120 I just wish I'd asked him, 641 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,280 but I never had anything to say to him really. 642 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,440 Whenever I saw him, I'd just sit there and think, 643 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,800 "What shall I say?" 644 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,120 I had a lot to say. 645 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,480 Too late now. 646 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:20,520 His loss. 647 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,480 Oh, that's the truth. 648 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,520 I always say, Rosie, shame on him. 649 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,080 Shame on our father's head. 650 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:31,360 Shame. 651 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,360 As the polls open, it's being called 652 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,240 the most unpredictable general election in living memory. 653 00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:40,040 Tensions are high, with the major parties keeping an eye 654 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,400 on the Four Star Party's wild card vote. 655 00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,080 I think I might be a little bit tipsy! 656 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,160 I haven't even voted yet, I'll be squiffy, 657 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,800 I'll probably tick the wrong box! 658 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:56,040 Vivienne Rook has refused to appear on any terrestrial channel. 659 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,920 She's turned down every interview and every debate, 660 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,280 restricting herself to her own channel, Four Star Live. 661 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:06,240 But Viv, campaigning isn't allowed on election day. 662 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,920 This isn't a campaign, this is my channel, 663 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,000 this is my home. 664 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,000 This is British wine for British people, 665 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,600 and what it deserves is tax breaks and subsidised transport. 666 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,840 But where will the money come from, Viv? 667 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,320 You can't raise taxes. 668 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,520 I'll impose a tariff on wines from abroad. 669 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:32,880 Let them pay. 670 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,600 He didn't die for nothing. 671 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,120 He died for us. 672 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:43,200 Shame on every politician who has ever let our soldiers down. 673 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,680 # Tragedy 674 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,800 # When the feeling's gone and you can't go on 675 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:48,400 # It's tragedy 676 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,800 # When the morning cries and you don't know why 677 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,560 # It's hard to bear 678 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,640 # With no-one to love you 679 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,720 # You're going nowhere 680 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,120 # Tragedy 681 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,200 # When you lose control and you got no soul 682 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:03,840 # It's tragedy 683 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,280 # When the morning cries and your heart just dies 684 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:07,680 # It's hard to bear 685 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,800 # With no-one beside you 686 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,800 # You're going nowhere. # 687 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,040 False facts, every day. 688 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,960 Do you know where you can find the truth? 689 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,560 Right here, Four Star Channel. 690 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,960 God help us. We're the only ones. 691 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,000 Are you done? 692 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,160 You left-wing hippie. 693 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,800 This is nice, like the old days 694 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,280 It's 100 quid if I get it back before midnight. 695 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,440 I love it, us lot in one car. 696 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,240 We never do this. Should have bought sweets. 697 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:47,480 Leicester, here we come. 698 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,280 I'm just making sure he's dead. 699 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,680 Now you did vote, you two? 700 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,240 Did it by post, last week. 701 00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:57,960 No-one goes and does it by hand any more. 702 00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,520 Don't forget your passports. 703 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,080 They're going to Scotland! 704 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,040 Anything could happen in this election. 705 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:04,760 If your lot get into power, 706 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,240 Scotland could be divorced by midnight. 707 00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,040 Then they'll be stranded. 708 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,440 Go, have a lovely time. 709 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,600 Celebrate. It's your grandad's funeral. 710 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,560 This is a very fine day. 711 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,160 Don't listen to her. 712 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,160 Go and have fun. 713 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,600 Edinburgh is beautiful. 714 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,000 Bye, then. See you next week. 715 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,760 Bye, darling. 716 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,960 Oh, my God. They believed us. 717 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,400 They'll understand. When they see in ten days' time 718 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,480 they'll be like, "Oh, my God, that is infinite!" 719 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:44,440 Destination Liverpool, Imperial B&B, Shiel Road, L6. 720 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:45,720 Auto drive on. 721 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:47,520 Thank you. You're welcome. 722 00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:50,600 Bye! 723 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:12,840 Hey, there. 724 00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,160 Hello. 725 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,560 Thanks for coming. 726 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,120 Stephen. Steven. 727 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,040 Killed by a bike. 728 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,440 Shocking. 729 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,640 Poor old Dad. 730 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,560 Come for a drink after. You're very welcome, all of you. 731 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,200 I saw you on the TV with the bomb. 732 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,560 I'll see you later. Stephen. 733 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:36,600 Steven. 734 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,240 I still maintain it's not legal to call two sons the same name. 735 00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,800 He's Steven with a V. 736 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,320 Jacqueline chose Steven with a V after her dad. 737 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,680 You know that. 738 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:52,080 Jacqueline. 739 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:54,960 Doesn't feel like a brother. 740 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,720 Half brother, if that. 741 00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,320 What does he do these days? 742 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,280 He's a pharmacist. 743 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:02,840 With a V. 744 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,160 He's a varmacist! 745 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,080 Oh, my God. This isn't the crematorium. 746 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:16,160 What do you mean? This place isn't a crematorium, it's an aquatorium. 747 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,040 They don't burn him, he gets dissolved. 748 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:32,880 Bethany Bisme-Lyons. Thank you. 749 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,480 Lizzie Mbeko. Thank you. 750 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:36,840 If you'd like to get on board 751 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,080 we'll take you across as soon as you are ready. 752 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,880 SHE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE 753 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,320 It's called alkaline hydrolysis, better for the environment. 754 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,280 We were always green, this side of the family. 755 00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,320 Uncle Ted was buried in wicker, on a slope. 756 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,880 So what do they do? 757 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,680 Put the body in a big tube, fill it with water, 758 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,280 heat it up. They boil him? 759 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,800 My God. 760 00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,600 Boil in the bag, like sous vide. 761 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,240 Is it worse than burning? 762 00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:52,080 I mean it is, I know, but why? 763 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,400 The eyes. 764 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,080 You dissolve, then you get rinsed. 765 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,200 Then they pour you out into a tub, 766 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,080 you get flushed down the drain, 767 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,480 out to sea - 768 00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,040 the end. 769 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,160 The Glenside facility offers alkaline hydrolysis, 770 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,440 the modern alternative to burial or cremation. 771 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,480 The remains of your loved one are broken down into liquid... 772 00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:40,400 Goodbye, Vince. 773 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:49,040 I tell you what, Jacqueline is true to form. 774 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:50,640 No money behind the bar. 775 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,160 Any news from the polls? 776 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,960 They're not allowed to say until ten o'clock. Low turnout though. 777 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,360 See, it's like Viv Rook says, people are too thick. 778 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,480 So Steven with a V just told me Dad didn't just work 779 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:05,560 for that security firm - when he was 55 he put some money in 780 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,960 like 2,000 quid, like shares. 781 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,960 Three years ago, they sold the company, 782 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:14,400 he got a pay-out, £75,000. 783 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,000 We get none of that. 784 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,480 Nothing. 785 00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:19,120 Here's to Vince. 786 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,960 Yeah, Dad. 787 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,840 To Dad. 788 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,480 Hi, you lot. Famalam. Stephen. 789 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,200 Steven. We were just toasting him. 790 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,600 It's a nice little motor out front, Stephen. 791 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,600 Yeah, it is, Steven, yeah, I like it. 792 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,960 2.2 litre. Yeah. 793 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,480 Well, you always were very smart. 794 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,760 Now, you've all got one of these. 795 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,400 It's just something to remember him by. 796 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:52,160 We should meet up some time. Go for dinner. That would be nice. 797 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,760 Hey, you were amazing with that bomb, Edith. 798 00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,000 Are you all right now? 799 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,920 Not really, no, I'm poisoned. 800 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:06,400 Oh, well, that is a thing, isn't it? 801 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,760 Well, see you in a bit, Stephen. 802 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,120 Steven. 803 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,400 Oh, my God. 804 00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,120 Daddy. That is weird. 805 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,680 Isn't that weird? Is that all that's left? 806 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,600 He looks like tea. 807 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:29,720 Weak tea. Is that all we are in the end, tea? 808 00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:31,920 Just like scattering the ashes, I suppose. 809 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,400 Can't do this with ashes. 810 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,880 Cheers. Edith! 811 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,040 You can't do that! 812 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,040 It's acid! It's alkaline. 813 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,160 What's he taste like? 814 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,960 Soap. Soap. 815 00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,880 Like antiseptic gel. 816 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,200 I can't believe you just did that! 817 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,720 It's my DNA. 818 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:50,840 We are as one. 819 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,000 Cheers, Jackie. 820 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,360 Why didn't you come home for Mum's funeral? 821 00:43:58,360 --> 00:43:59,840 Don't do that. 822 00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,240 Why not? 823 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,000 I was stuck in Canada. 824 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,640 Could have come home. 825 00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:10,640 I didn't want to. 826 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,240 Why not? 827 00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:15,760 Because it was her funeral. 828 00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,120 I keep wondering whether she'd be proud of me. 829 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,040 Of course she would. 830 00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,480 No job, another kid without his dad, 831 00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,120 I don't know if she would. 832 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,600 She was tough, Edith. 833 00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,040 She wasn't just nice, she was tough. 834 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:44,160 And I wonder if she'd think I was mad, with Viktor. 835 00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,760 I think she'd be ashamed, some of the things I've done. 836 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,960 You could never do anything wrong. 837 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,480 Oh, trust me. 838 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,320 She'd kill me. 839 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,520 If she knew, she'd kill me. 840 00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:05,840 All that stuff they say about them looking down on you... 841 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:06,920 ..I hope they don't. 842 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:33,240 Phone call, Bethany Bisme-Lyons. 843 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:36,560 Oh, Signor, open on link. Link open. 844 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,040 Hello, darling, how is it? 845 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,560 Hoots, mon! 846 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,200 SOBBING Bethany? 847 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:44,360 Can you hear me? 848 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,360 Beth, are you all right? 849 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,120 Can you help me, please? 850 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,920 What is it, sweetheart? What's wrong? 851 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,480 I'm here, what is it? I'm sorry. 852 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,160 Are you all right? 853 00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,240 Are you hurt? 854 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:03,840 Whatever it is, I will fix it, I promise you. 855 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,720 Now, tell me. 856 00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,920 She's in Liverpool, not Scotland. She's in bloody Liverpool. 857 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,840 What for? What's she done? 858 00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,000 She won't say, God knows. 859 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,640 I'll call Stephen. 860 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,800 No. 861 00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:20,360 Please. 862 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,800 Muriel, don't. She called me. 863 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,000 Go. 864 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,360 Just tell me what's happened. 865 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,200 I can't. Why not? 866 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:41,560 You'll hate me. 867 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,440 I could never hate you. 868 00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:44,480 Never. 869 00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,000 Oh... 870 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:09,120 They won't tell me. 871 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,640 All I've heard is crying. 872 00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,400 I did try, I said, "Let me in," but they wouldn't. 873 00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,160 What are you doing in Liverpool? Why did you lie? 874 00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:17,920 It's the only place they do it. Do what? 875 00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,520 The operation. 876 00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:20,720 What operation? 877 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:27,760 It's only my mum. 878 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:28,960 You promised me. 879 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,480 It's OK. 880 00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,120 I'm here now. 881 00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,880 You have nothing to worry about. 882 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,960 So what happened to your eye? 883 00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,440 Lizzie? 884 00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,280 Can you tell me? 885 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,000 It's gone wrong, but we can fix it. 886 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,880 We just need to find them. 887 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,360 Let me see. 888 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,120 Let me see your eye. 889 00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,240 OK. 890 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,080 Well, that's not too bad. 891 00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:02,520 Hello, Lizzie. 892 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,320 Hello. 893 00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:06,360 So what have you had done, hm? 894 00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:07,920 You daft things. 895 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,840 You haven't had a face-lift, have you, at your age? 896 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,480 It's OK but there is a lot of swelling, 897 00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,800 but that will calm down. 898 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,680 What? 899 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,280 I can't control it. 900 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:23,760 What are you doing? 901 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,160 It won't stay still. 902 00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:27,080 Lizzie, stop it, what are you doing? 903 00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:28,640 I can't see. 904 00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,640 What is that? 905 00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,440 What have you done? 906 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,640 It's a camera. What? 907 00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,400 They promised us, they said we could see, digital vision. 908 00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,960 But, but that's not her eye. 909 00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:44,840 What's happened to her eye? Where is it? 910 00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:46,640 They took it out. Who did? 911 00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,960 The people on the boat. What boat? 912 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:53,360 They said to me, "You're next," but I couldn't, I was too scared. 913 00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:55,080 I can't see with this eye. 914 00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:56,360 It's supposed to integrate, 915 00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,680 I'm supposed to see the output in my head, but I can't. 916 00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,560 My eyesight's over there. 917 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,000 Oh! 918 00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:09,520 Oh! 919 00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,200 Your mother's on the way. 920 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:12,680 God, help. 921 00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:14,120 It's been going on for decades, 922 00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:17,760 cruise ships arrive at the docks specially adapted as hospitals, 923 00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,400 run by Russians, Slovakians, Romanians, 924 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,240 and people go on board for cheap operations. 925 00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:26,960 It was face-lifts in the '90s, gender reassignment in the 2000s, 926 00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,040 and now they've discovered transhumans. 927 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:31,480 But they're breaking the law. 928 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,120 This lot are. They're butchers. But you try finding them. 929 00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,480 It's a great big ship. 930 00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,440 I mean, try finding the owners, try suing them. 931 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,120 There's a chain of ownership bouncing round and round the world 932 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,840 until you end up with no-one and the ship sails on. 933 00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,720 And her eye, her real eye? 934 00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:50,080 Gone, junked. 935 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:55,240 If you had 500,000, they say there are grafts now to integrate 936 00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:57,080 the lens with the optical nerve, 937 00:49:57,080 --> 00:50:00,000 but not for kids like that in Liverpool. 938 00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:04,160 Somewhere there's a golden world where these things are possible, 939 00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:05,440 but it's never here, is it? 940 00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:09,440 Call Stephen. 941 00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:10,920 Calling Stephen Lyons. 942 00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:55,960 See you later, Fran! 943 00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,360 See you tonight, yeah? Yeah. 944 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,720 Stephen Lyons not answering. 945 00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:18,960 Did you tell him? 946 00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,560 You gave away £10,000 and your dad works every hour! 947 00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:33,200 Oh, to hell with it. He can wait. 948 00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,320 Thank God you were scared, 949 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:37,720 it saved you, Beth. 950 00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,000 It saved you. 951 00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:58,880 It's gone ten. 952 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,600 If the exit polls are correct, this is an extraordinary result. 953 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:06,200 We're seeing 288 seats for the Conservatives, 954 00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,120 287 seats for Labour 955 00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:12,160 and an astonishing 15 seats for Vivienne Rook's Four Star Party. 956 00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:15,880 That's 15 seats, leaving the balance of power in the United Kingdom 957 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,480 firmly in the hands of Vivienne Rook. 958 00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:25,200 I will not... I will not form a pact with the Tories, 959 00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:28,280 I will not form a pact with Labour. 960 00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:32,560 Instead, for every vote in the House of Commons, 961 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,440 they can come to me. Yeah! 962 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:41,160 They can come to me and I will decide. 963 00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:43,640 CHEERING 964 00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,040 Happy now, Rosie? 965 00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:54,600 Yeah. 966 00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,280 Hm. 967 00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:59,040 New world. 968 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:08,160 Sorry! 969 00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,200 What are you doing? 970 00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,520 Hey, what are you doing? 971 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,040 That's my bike! 972 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,240 There she is, there she is! 973 00:55:06,240 --> 00:55:09,320 We need to get Viktor out. He could be executed. 974 00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:33,840 Astonishing! Astonishing! 70798

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