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1
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,106
I like being a familiar.
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,441
It's a very satisfying job.
3
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:10,711
Well, actually, calling it
a job would imply that it pays.
4
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,747
So it's more of a vocation.
5
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,516
Less glamorous than I imagined.
6
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,854
I thought by now
I'd be like Armand,
7
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:23,023
but sometimes I feel like
8
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,992
I'm halfway
turning into a Renfield.
9
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,798
I think the worst part
for me is the loneliness.
10
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,834
I'm awake when
my master's asleep, and...
11
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,669
the house gets quiet
12
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,671
and it's lonely,
but I'm also awake
13
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,906
when he's awake.
14
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,675
I'm always awake.
15
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,820
You know, sometimes I wonder
what my life would be like
16
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,846
if I was still at Panera Bread.
17
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,848
I'd probably be manager.
18
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,518
I'd get to boss other people
around for a change,
19
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,720
sleeping, health insurance,
20
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:53,954
friends...
21
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,590
getting paid,
22
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,827
all the Panera Bread
you can eat.
23
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,529
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
24
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,598
The heart wants
what the heart wants.
25
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,788
- Good evening, Guillermo.
- Good evening, Master.
26
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,147
I have an envelope for you.
27
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,749
Okay, pop it in the coffin.
Thank you.
28
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,519
Uh, just... pop it in there.
29
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,388
That's... that's...
30
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,256
Is it in yet?
31
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,628
I can't read it.
It's too dark in here.
32
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,997
Is it another summons
for jury duty?
33
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,932
Just tell them I'm dead.
34
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,434
Oh, no.
It's something very cool.
35
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,968
I had your DNA tested.
36
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,069
A lab tested it.
37
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,609
How did they get the DNA?
38
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,077
Did they steal my semen?
39
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,880
- What? No.
- I won't have my semen stolen again.
40
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,316
No, I don't, I don't...
41
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,926
No, I don't even know
what that story is.
42
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,719
No, this is all very scientific.
43
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,054
Huh. Okay.
44
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,389
Well, the story is
45
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:39,126
some witches decided
to steal my semen
46
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,162
and put it into a semen spell.
47
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:45,499
But it didn't even work, and
then they got semen everywhere.
48
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:49,870
But this seems
much more aboveboard, so...
49
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,739
This just uses science
to find out
50
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,507
where your ancestors came from.
51
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,377
It could also be used to see if
you have any living relatives.
52
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,679
Living relatives?
53
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,849
Here's yours.
54
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,184
You have...
55
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,186
Oh, wow.
56
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,188
- What?
- You have...
57
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:12,826
200,000 direct
living descendants.
58
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,161
That's a lot.
59
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,863
I'm a grandad?
60
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,898
Well, technically, you're a...
61
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,668
great-grandad times 30.
62
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,504
Becoming a vampire came
63
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,673
at a strange time in my life.
64
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,741
I was married at the time
65
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,843
to 37 women.
66
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,845
My 37 wives weren't very happy
67
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,714
about the changes
I was going through.
68
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:37,685
I was becoming very moody,
sleeping all day now.
69
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,554
Nighttime was mainly
drinking people's blood.
70
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,623
Put a strain on all of us.
71
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,191
Then they left,
72
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,459
all 37 of them.
73
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,261
It was a sad night for me,
74
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:50,063
because I really loved
35 of them.
75
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,665
In those days,
76
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,067
fathers didn't really
look after their children.
77
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,803
It was down to the women.
78
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,672
And in some cases,
a couple of friendly wolves.
79
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,509
I did try
to visit my children, but...
80
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:05,145
they were just afraid,
you know, 'cause...
81
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:08,849
I'm a vampire floating
outside the window.
82
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,384
Hey, kiddies.
83
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:13,554
Hey, you've got my nose.
84
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,725
That's the last time I saw them.
85
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,228
Probably dead now, I suppose.
86
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,331
And another cool thing is,
you can find out
87
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:26,033
if any of them live near you.
88
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,436
You have one of them
89
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,103
living right here
in Staten Island.
90
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,705
Madeline.
91
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,508
Exciting.
92
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,177
- Why are we going to the library?
- This better be good, Nandor.
93
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,055
- How long is this gonna take?
- I was cleaning my skull.
94
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,048
Not long, not long. Thank you.
95
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,851
Everyone, I have
some very exciting news.
96
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,955
Guillermo has had my DNA tested.
97
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,899
You need to be careful
that's not evil witches trying
98
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,426
- to pinch your semen.
- Yes. Witches are semen stealers.
99
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,462
There's no semen-stealing.
100
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,196
It's very official.
101
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,965
It came in an envelope.
102
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,543
I actually had
everyone's DNA tested.
103
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,301
How did you get our DNA
104
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:04,605
- without us knowing?
- You literally leave it laying everywhere,
105
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,607
so it wasn't that hard.
So, here's yours, Nadja.
106
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,377
No, thank you, please. Put that
on the pile there for burning.
107
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,488
- You sure you don't want to open it?
- Don't test me!
108
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,246
Okay, forget that.
109
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,082
- So, Laszlo...
- Don't you dare.
110
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,460
- You don't want to...?
- Bugger off.
111
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,452
That's not very nice.
112
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,853
Okay. Colin Robinson.
113
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,590
- Ding, ding, ding.
- There you go.
114
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:23,891
Could I get a drumroll first?
115
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:24,992
- No.
- No. -Nope.
116
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,794
Fine. I'll do my own.
117
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,898
Frankly, I would be flattered
118
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:34,234
if witches collected my semen.
119
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,271
It says here that
120
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:41,475
I am 100% white.
121
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,177
People are
from all different places.
122
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,813
It just can't say "white"
on your paper.
123
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,314
Oh, wow. "100% white."
124
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,917
No other nuance.
125
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,852
Tell them my other
news, Guillermo.
126
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,822
Okay. He has over two hundred...
127
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:58,626
200,000 direct descendants
living today!
128
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,661
Fucking hell. Well done, chap.
129
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,262
Thank you, Laszlo.
130
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,232
Congratulations, Nandor.
That is some very exciting seed.
131
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,011
- Yes.
- But I'm telling you, don't let the witches find out about it.
132
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,336
They'll be coming for you.
133
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,472
- No...
- That is top-quality seed.
134
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:14,207
And thanks to your little
helper, they know about it.
135
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,109
I'm telling you,
they're coming for more.
136
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,645
They use it to make magnets.
137
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,347
I'm a grandad.
138
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,058
- You know...
- Don't ruin it.
139
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,351
Oh, I-I wouldn't
think of ruining it.
140
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,353
- Thank you.
- The great Genghis Khan
141
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:30,458
I knew it. -Has over 16
million living descendants.
142
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,893
Now, that's a seed.
143
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,337
You just have to bring up
Genghis Khan.
144
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,963
Do any of his relatives
live nearby?
145
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,397
Actually, yes.
146
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:41,234
Uh, he has a great-times-30
granddaughter
147
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:44,071
who lives here in Staten Island.
148
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,073
So did you get your DNA tested,
Guillermo?
149
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,842
I did, but you probably
wouldn't be interested
150
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,912
- in finding out the results.
- Yes. Probably not.
151
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,516
Thank you for attending.
152
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:58,285
I'm mainly
mestizo, which I already knew.
153
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,254
3.12% Dutch.
154
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,457
That's pretty cool.
155
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,626
This basically shows
my family tree.
156
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:07,394
There's the Dutch family,
157
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,162
and the name is Van Helsing.
158
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:11,131
That's...
159
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,300
that's actually really funny.
160
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,236
Uh, 'cause I don't know
if you're familiar with, uh,
161
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,905
who Van Helsing is...
162
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,909
The most notorious
vampire killer.
163
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,712
I have Van Helsing DNA
in my blood,
164
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,380
which is...
165
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,883
But he's not real, so...
166
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,652
He's not real.
167
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,622
Is he?
168
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,756
I mean, vampires are real,
169
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,125
but...
170
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,961
I suppose there could be
a vampire...
171
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,396
Oh, wow.
172
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,397
I love vampires.
173
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,734
I-I...
174
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,136
I killed two accidentally.
175
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,005
Stay back!
176
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,975
Oh, fuck.
177
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,243
My tummy feels weird.
178
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,945
Just...
179
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,447
I th... What'd I have for lunch?
I had for lunch...
180
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,282
I had, um...
181
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,351
Garlic.
182
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,961
When I was a human man,
183
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,463
I had rosy cheeks,
yet in between those cheeks,
184
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,799
there was never a smile.
185
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,569
And then, one night,
everything changed.
186
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,004
Nadja came through the window
187
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,639
and took my life.
188
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,875
She opened a window to my soul
189
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,811
and let the darkness in.
190
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,346
I'm creating something
very special for her.
191
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,782
It's yet to take shape.
192
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,917
When it does, I think
she'll be very impressed.
193
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,787
I can't be bothered to hold this
anymore. Can you tether it?
194
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,131
- Uh, actually...
- What the fuck have you got in your hand?!
195
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,456
Put that down!
196
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,258
That's a wooden stake,
you dickhead!
197
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,070
Well, you asked me to buy
garden stakes, so I b...
198
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,996
Get them out of my sight now,
you smart-ass.
199
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,473
- Okay.
- Where did you get them from?
200
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,208
- Amazon, so...
- Well, then you get in your car,
201
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,509
and you drive back
to the Amazon.
202
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,778
That's not how that w...
It's online.
203
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:57,304
Shut your mouth,
and tie this thing up.
204
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,172
Fucking halfwit.
205
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:02,643
Stakes! The most offensive thing
he could bring into the house.
206
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:03,877
Tighter!
207
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,980
So, Nandor has
200,000 descendants.
208
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:11,051
Still far fewer than,
uh, Genghis Khan.
209
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,520
Um, so we're gonna go visit one.
210
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,388
Her name is Madeline.
211
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,091
I'm going to float up
to her window and see her.
212
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:21,528
Not going
to introduce myself yet.
213
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,230
Don't want to frighten her.
214
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,934
I need you to be very supportive
of me at this delicate moment.
215
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,836
Going to give her some gifts.
216
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,038
Got her a little teddy bear.
217
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,539
Ugh. You know what?
218
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,541
This isn't working,
me being supportive.
219
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,544
I feel like
I am literally eating myself.
220
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,545
Ugh!
221
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,580
It is time.
222
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:51,925
Don't tap on the window.
223
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:55,328
I see her. She's asleep.
224
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,864
How does she look, Master?
225
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,900
She looks a little older
than I was anticipating.
226
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,535
That-That's what I was trying
to tell you... she's 94.
227
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,205
- So young!
- Don't tap on the window.
228
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,875
She is stirring.
I'm going to tap on the window.
229
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,911
- No.
- N-No, Master, don't tap on the window.
230
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,780
Madeline!
231
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,682
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap!
232
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,416
- Oh, crap.
- Wakey, wakey!
233
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,218
Ah.
234
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,619
She's awake.
235
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,454
Come to me, my little one.
236
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,691
Come, look, this is for you.
237
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,826
Your grandpappy is here.
238
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,360
Say hello.
239
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,729
This is...
240
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,464
Oh, no.
241
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,168
I knew I shouldn't have tapped
on her window,
242
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,237
but you goaded me.
243
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,007
If, by "goading,"
you mean my saying,
244
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,910
"Under no circumstances
should you tap on her window,"
245
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,644
then, yes, I goaded you.
246
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,213
Yes, exactly. You see,
247
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,648
you are a goader,
Guillermo is a goader.
248
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,752
You saw an opportunity to goad
and what did you do?
249
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,154
- You goaded it.
- Okay.
250
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,923
Guillermo!
251
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,925
What is this feeling
252
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,592
I am feeling?
253
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,428
It's grief, Master!
254
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,496
Grief?
255
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,532
I don't care for it.
256
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,501
Wait, wait. Nandor!
257
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,738
How am I supposed
to get down, Nandor?
258
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:14,107
You goaded me, and now
you got to take the stairs!
259
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,276
This is why you don't
get attached to humans.
260
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,445
They don't last long.
261
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,347
It is like with my sweet Gregor.
262
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,983
He is reborn and then he dies.
263
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,653
And again and again and again.
264
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,522
And every time he comes back,
our love is reignited
265
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,524
like a big ball of flames,
266
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,461
and then he is brutally decapitated.
267
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,629
Look at this one.
268
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,799
Such a beautiful head of hair.
269
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,367
I like it when he's subservient,
270
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,668
but not like this.
271
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,805
Hello! Num, num, num, num, num.
272
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,513
I have to be very
careful in case Laszlo sees.
273
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,562
Nadja.
274
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:12,199
Nadja! Nadja!
275
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,775
I'm Gregor!
276
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,514
Nadja!
277
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,617
Nadja?
278
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,887
Nadja!
279
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,233
Hey! Hey!
Goddamn it. Call the cops.
280
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,540
Nandor has invited us
to join him at the funeral
281
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,909
of his descendant Madeline.
282
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,787
- Wait. It's in a church?
- Oh, bloody hell.
283
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,622
- Well, of course. It's a funeral.
- But hang on.
284
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,849
It's night. Shouldn't there be
no one in there?
285
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,550
I got it changed
to later in the evening.
286
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:04,985
- Asshole.
- How did you do that?
287
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,187
I... called in a bomb scare.
288
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,455
- I can't go in there.
- No.
289
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,557
Do it for Madeline.
290
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,059
Look at the pictures
on the glass.
291
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,261
It's the Jeebus man.
292
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,429
Thought of going
in a church... a church...
293
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,265
Makes me nervous
to say the word.
294
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,467
I just...
295
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,402
You know, this...
Not much scares me,
296
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,770
but this...
297
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,338
She can go in.
Why can't we? Look at...
298
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:26,983
- Because she's not a vampire!
- Look at her.
299
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,775
I'm a vampire. I can go in.
300
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,479
Energy vampires have no problems
going into places of worship.
301
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,347
We find it to be
fertile feeding ground.
302
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:35,983
- No! Ooh!
- Wonderful, Colin.
303
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,417
Can you go in
and pay our respects,
304
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,852
and we'll just stand here?
305
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,353
This is not
about feeding ground.
306
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,389
This is about
my great-great-great-great-
307
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,858
great-great-
great-great-great-great-
308
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:48,361
great-great-granddaughter.
Please.
309
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,230
Please?
310
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,966
Fuck it. Fine.
311
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,468
- Madeline.
- Again, it's okay for me to go in.
312
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,937
I-I'm... I'm gonna be fine.
313
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,471
- Madeline.
- Laszlo.
314
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,441
And it is with great sadness
315
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,376
and tremendous remorse
316
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,778
that we say goodbye
to Madeline Darvish.
317
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,981
She did not have children
of her own,
318
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,783
but many considered her
a mother figure.
319
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,028
- Please rise.
- Motherfucking rise.
320
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,853
- Then you rise.
- You rise.
321
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,698
- I really appreciate you coming.
- The Lord is my shepherd.
322
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,225
- I shall not want...
- Nandor, we got to get out of here.
323
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,793
Nandor, I'm so sorry. I don't
know how much longer I can last.
324
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:26,799
Nandor, my mascara is running
because of the blood.
325
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:28,301
You look great.
326
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,702
I got to get out.
327
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,138
I can't do this.
328
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,873
It is a lovely service,
but I'm on fire.
329
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,976
Your rod and your staff...
330
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,586
- they comfort me.
- Thank you for coming, Nadja.
331
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,980
Hey, I'm gonna go, too.
I'd rather watch TV.
332
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,649
Thank you, Colin Robinson.
333
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,717
And I will dwell in the house
of the Lord forever.
334
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,486
Please be seated.
335
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:48,989
Guillermo.
336
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,158
Guillermo, I'm on fire.
Get some water.
337
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,325
Water.
338
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,194
Aah!
339
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,798
So sad. I...
340
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,401
really miss her.
341
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,336
That was holy water, Guillermo.
342
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:06,106
Are you trying to kill me?
343
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,540
She died too young.
344
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,908
If anyone
345
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,510
from the family would like
346
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,579
to say a few words,
347
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,315
n-now would be a good time.
348
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,786
Good night, my darling.
349
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,488
Good night, my darling.
350
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,103
West on Jefferson Avenue,
351
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,029
got a late model
red station wagon.
352
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,564
10-96. Escaped mental patient.
353
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,434
- So, my boy Sean...
- Ca-caw!
354
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,636
Came to the corner store
down on Eastern Parkway
355
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,006
to get some Twizzlers,
but they only had a family size.
356
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,317
- Yo, shut up, shut up, look.
- What, man? I'm telling a...
357
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,052
- Yo! Whoa!
- What the fu...? Dude, what?
358
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,877
Holy shit. Oh, my God.
359
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,313
Whoa!
360
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,124
Dude, holy... Yo...
361
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,783
- Holy shit! Oh, my God.
- Oh! Look at that!
362
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,952
- Look at that.
- Holy shit.
363
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,387
Nadja!
364
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,631
- Are you okay?
- Holy shit.
365
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,690
Cheeze-It, yo, yo, yo.
366
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,135
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
367
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:00,860
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
368
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,363
Nadja!
369
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,008
That's not-that's not yours.
Hey! TEEN 2: Dude!
370
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,134
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
371
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,447
- Yo, yo, yo, yo.
- Stop!
372
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,972
Nadja?!
373
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,976
Nadja!
374
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,080
Nadja!
375
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,414
Shit.
376
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,684
Nadja!
377
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,153
- Jesk?
- Nadja.
378
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,954
- Oh...
- My Nadja. I heard your call.
379
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,590
- Shh.
- My destiny has brought me here,
380
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:33,093
- and it is to be with you.
- Oh.
381
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,595
Jesk, uh,
you-you shouldn't be here.
382
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:36,996
- My husband lives here.
- Husband?
383
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,199
And he is very big, wide man,
384
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:40,976
- and he loves to bite.
- I don't give a shit.
385
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,845
- He loves to bite...
- Our destiny cannot be denied.
386
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:46,339
- Who's this, my darling?
- Well... Oh...
387
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,175
A gentleman caller?
388
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,377
Uh, no. This is just my friend
from the park.
389
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,978
We're having a quick catch-up.
390
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,247
I am here for Nadja.
391
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,950
Nadja... is my wife.
392
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,453
I should cut your head off.
393
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,555
Oh, I-Laszlo,
you don't need to do that.
394
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:05,358
I always have.
395
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,359
- Wait, what?
- What?
396
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,360
I know who you are.
397
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,696
Outward appearance
may have changed.
398
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,364
The pattern remains the same.
399
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,766
You get reborn,
you try and find her,
400
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,203
and I cut your head off.
401
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,575
Oh, shit.
402
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,479
When I was a street thief?
403
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,181
I had the cleaver in my hand.
404
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,384
When I was a naval officer?
405
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,928
I was on board that ship
with a cutlass.
406
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,530
When I was atop
407
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,864
- that horse in the battlefield in...
- Yeah, yeah.
408
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,524
That was me.
409
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,558
The Amazon explorer?
410
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,327
Guess who tipped off
the natives.
411
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,238
- When I was a mouse?
- I was a cat. -
412
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,896
When he was a washer woman?
413
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,366
- We can do this all night.
- Really?
414
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,435
- You're an evil genius.
- My darling,
415
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,471
every time doughboy turns up,
you start crying.
416
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,873
Now, I'm not having that.
417
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,909
You're my sweet baby, and I'm
here to stop that kind of jive.
418
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,579
Aw. Crazy knight in...
419
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,014
shining black coat.
420
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,383
Oh, Laszlo.
421
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,418
Well, this is fucked up.
422
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,892
- Should we get on with it?
- No. No.
423
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,856
Let him have at least
one full life, my darling.
424
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,158
Is this what you want?
425
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,092
Why... y-yes.
426
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,728
I suggest you fuck off
427
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,064
and never darken
our doorstep again.
428
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,834
My wife has everything she needs
with me. Is that understood?
429
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,671
Goodbye.
430
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,215
May-Maybe I'll see you
in the next life.
431
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,050
- Yeah, maybe you won't.
- Oh, okay. All right.
432
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:29,409
All right, all right. I'm going.
433
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,878
- May-Maybe you will.
- Mm-hmm.
434
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:36,082
Now, my darling.
I've created something for you.
435
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,917
Here's your surprise.
436
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,887
It's me.
437
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,889
- It is the most beautiful thing.
- That's it.
438
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,292
- My eyes has ever witnessed.
- I'm out of here.
439
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,893
Farewell, my love...
440
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,228
Ooh!
441
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,463
- Bloody not.
- Laszlo, what the
442
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,675
- fucking hell have you done?!
- No, no, no, no, my darling.
443
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,243
I swear,
that had nothing to do with me.
444
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,635
Aw. Ew.
445
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,705
I'll leave you some time
alone with...
446
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,139
whatever his name is.
447
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,410
Oh, Gregor,
448
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:06,613
thank you for all the lovely
times, and I'll see you soon.
449
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,390
Guillermo?
450
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,559
- Yes, Master?
- You all right?
451
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,093
I'm just tired, Master.
452
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,729
You sure?
453
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,532
Yes, I'm sure. Time for bed.
454
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:29,135
What was the results
of your ancestry test?
455
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,942
Just...
stereotypical... Mexican.
456
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:38,511
- Piñata farmers.
- Piñata farmers. Mm-hmm.
457
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,513
There's nothing
to be ashamed of.
458
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,515
People love piñatas.
459
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,618
Someone's got to breed
those colorful donkeys.
460
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,587
Thank you, Master.
461
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:54,160
Thank you for helping me tonight
on my saddest night.
462
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,096
Even though you did throw
holy water onto me!
463
00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:00,267
Do you remember that?!
It really burned!
464
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,134
- Sorry.
- Why would you do that?!
465
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,170
Outrageous!
466
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,138
Aah, my burns!
467
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:09,175
From the holy water
that you threw on me.
468
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,611
That is one demerit point
for you,
469
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,447
and one more year
as my familiar.
470
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,148
Good night.
471
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,887
- Guillermo?
- Hmm?
472
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,323
You're having a serious thought?
473
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,891
No.
474
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,694
Oh, yeah, you probably weren't.
475
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,362
Good night.
476
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,098
Good night, Master.
477
00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:01,187
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