Original subtitles

- What about them ? - Hurry, we have a busy day.

Eva, wake up.

Wake up g

- What are you doing ? - Working.

This is my furniture.

- This is my bed ! - Not anymore, this is a seizure.

This is a robbery!

Get down.

- Where are my clothes ? - Let's talk.

In the truck, lady.

- Do something, you loser. - Stay out of this.

I won't stay out of it, you coward.

- We have tons of seizures today. - Call your boss.

I spoke to him yesterday.

Hold on, can't we talk it over ?

File an official complaint.

- Where'll I sleep ? - Asshole !

Good bye.

- I'm trying to sort things out. - You never sort shit out !

Wait !

- I'm going to pay it all off. - Now what ?

- We'll discuss it later. - We'll discuss it now !

You ruin everything, you loser!

Vultures !

- Know what you are ? - I know what I am.

Someone who fucked you just because she was drunk

and she doesn't remember a thing.

And as of this moment,

she's leaving your life for good, Rossi.

She'll be nothing but a memory

in your sad, useless,

pitiful, gloomy existence which I hope stays very...

very miserable.

RECKLESS LIFE

Morning, Rossi.

I saw Eva go by without underwear on.

Can I make some coffee ?

Check if they're still alive.

ANGER BAR

Good morning, Rossi.

Good, my ass.

Still alive ?

- Dead. - Lifeless.

She passed by again, with underwear.

She called me a loser.

- She slapped me and left. - Good for her.

For slapping me ?

No, for leaving.

Those damn bastards draw a line on a map,

that line becomes a bullet train, traffic is rerouted

and towns like ours die like flies.

We should leave, BB.

But we're still here.

Why '2

Who was an up-and-coming rally driver ?

- You. - The best co-driver ?

- Me. - Where'd we end up ?

- Nowhere. - We're the ones who go nowhere.

Like Seneca said, "He who is brave is free".

And the two of us, frankly...

are nothing but wusses, my friend.

This coffee is disgusting.

I'll be closing shop soon. Enough.

I'll leave, open a kiosk in Copacabana,

marry a native, have some kids...

You want kids ?

- No, do you ? - No.

Then she'll dump me, they'll build a bullet train there too...

and I'll jerk myself off into oblivion and die in 3 years.

Right.

I'll go tell your parents I can't pay garage rent this month either.

- Tell them I'll go by. - Okay.

FUCK YOU

A nation can't survive financially and morally

when most have so little and few have so much.

This is Bernie Sanders' message.

Too true.

Indeed... Sara, I wanted to ask a favor.

- This month... - You know, my husband...

- What happened ? - The factory...

- Are you saying Mr. Cesco? - Something awful.

- He died ? -No!

Died, my ass. Worse !

- The factory is done for. - What do you mean ?

Closing down.

Next month we're all out of a job.

Entire families, youngsters, oldsters like me... all sacked.

For the good of the company, they say.

Good of the company, my ass.

- Mr. Cesco... - Don't meddle, kiddo.

It's all over, over !

- I'll go there and kill them all. - Calm down, please.

Fine, then I'll kill myself.

Nonsense, the garage is still doing well.

Plus, rent money.

We'll get by, as always.

Rossi, tell him the garage is doing well.

Yes, the garage is raking in the money.

Plus, lots of cars break down from overheating...

The world sucks, you know. It sucks.

Relax, watch your blood pressure.

Take it, or I'll get myself into trouble.

Take it.

Take it !

- It's not loaded. - No shit, I'm not a dummy.

An unloaded gun is just as dangerous as a loaded gun.

And I thought I'd retire,

buy myself a nice boat and sail off...

We will.

Did you need anything ?

No.

I just came by to say hello.

I'll get back to the garage...

tons of customers are waiting.

Tons.

Do you have a jacket I could borrow ?

Believing in growth is key.

Banks like yours can make a difference

by trusting in the country's greatest resource: the youth.

No, I'm not convinced.

- Not convinced ? - No.

I'm convinced you have to complete forms from B to G,

then sign here, here, and here...

bring a copy of your ID, your payroll slip or tax return form,

social security number and certificate of residence.

And then you'll give me a loan ?

No.

We also need a certificate of title of a property for collateral.

If I owned property I wouldn't be in this shitty situation

and my furniture wouldn't have been seized.

- Don't you think ? - No, I don't.

If you're already in litigation with the IRS, don't come to us.

But you can help make a difference.

- Trust me. - Meaning ?

Listen, kind sir,

I am begging you for five fucking thousand euros,

so quit giving me that condescending smile and do yourjob, help me out.

Banks don't lend money to people who don't have any.

And I'm not smiling, I'm grimacing in disgust

because people like you, paupers,

cause us, meaning banks, to feel this way.

Go home and think about that.

Nice.

Really nice...

dickhead.

In a normal world, people like you wouldn't exist.

- I want my money now ! - You're not humans.

Know what you are ? You're a bunch of bastards !

People like you don't realize...

- This wasn't our agreement. - Miss, please stop yelling.

I'll yell all I want, and I started before you, moron.

- Please. - How dare you touch me !

How dare you !

- I am very calm. - Stop it.

No...

It's not loaded.

It's a robbery !

No, it's not.

" A robbery g - No !

This isn't a robbery !

Calm down.

I don't give a shit about the robbery, sort out my situation now...

- It's all I have. - Stand up.

I won't shoot !

I don't want your earrings. Stand up !

I don't want anything.

Are you all nuts ?

Quit crying, I won't shoot.

Calm down...

I'm going to puke.

No, there's nothing valuable in here.

Here, please don't shoot.

I don't want money !

I just want to go home !

- Excuse me ? - What ?

The bags.

I didn't mean to.

Sorry !

- I'll shoot on three. - Don't.

- One. - Don't !

- Freeze ! - I am.

- Two. - No !

- Hands up ! - I can't.

Three, I'll shoot.

ALBERTO ROSSl'S ENTIRE LIFE AGE 27

No ! Oh God, my hand.

We're in Sestriere where,

30 minutes ago robbers burst into Valsusa Bank.

A security guard was wounded.

We're here with Captain Greppi who's heading the investigation.

- Morning, Captain. - Good morning.

Can we get some information on the robbery ?

Was it a robbery, a terrorist attack, were Russian militants involved ?

Russian militants ? It was a robbery, that's all.

Can you tell us more ?

Based on what the bank said it was a coordinated action

by a group of professionals.

At the moment we have no information on their identities.

The bank claims

the CCTV cameras and metal detector were out of order.

That's a serious issue for the safety of our banks.

- Were the robbers aware of this ? - I can't say.

Were they foreigners ?

- We heard they're Mexican. - I can't say.

- Can't you tell us anything more ? - I can't say, thank you.

- They robbed our bank. - It's about time.

- Sir, a dramatic day. - Could've been worse.

True. Let's get straight to the crucial question.

Why were the CCTV cameras broken ?

- I did it. - Be quiet, we're watching.

- No, I did it. - Just tell me later.

All I can say is...

Okay -

All right, you robbed the bank.

- With my gun ? - And jacket !

Rossi, you're the scientific proof than man comes from the amoeba.

I wanted a loan,

they denied me, I was about to leave,

then a crazy girl was yelling, we argued,

the bank manager shoved me, the gun fell,

and everyone went nuts.

I told them it wasn't a robbery, but they kept giving me money,

wallets, jewelry... I wanted to go home.

I was trying to leave but they pointed a gun at my head

and shot me !

- What could I have done ? - Not taken it, apologized, and left.

- I didn't think of that. - Dumbass.

- Easy for you to say ! - Guys...

- What would you have done ? - Guys !

What we have here is about... 20 million.

- 20... - Million euros.

Rossi, good job.

Holy shit, 20 million euros !

This is serious !

"Yes! "Yes!

Stop i1; g.

Be quiet! Listen...

At least four professionals.

- Or five, foreigners. - Five robbers ?

Five ?

- Five Romanians. - Romanians ?

More than anything we were scared.

The security guard will be fine,

apart from customers' personal belongings,

they stole less than 10,000 euros, nothing much.

How odd.

Guys, something's fishy here.

Hold on...

They said the CCTV cameras were broken,

nobody there knew me, I'd never been there before,

I didn't sign any papers because I don't qualify for a loan...

- No... - What?

- No... - What?

" No! - Are you okay 7

- I'm an asshole. - I know, but what's wrong ?

- The wallet. - What wallet ?

- The wallet. - Which ? There are tons here.

My wallet !

- So? - I left it at the bank.

- With your ID in it ? - With my ID.

No, your friend is a real idiot.

You're a dumbass...

- I'll go back there. - You're having a panic attack.

I'm the last person they'd expect to see there.

I'll take the money and give it back if there's trouble.

I'll leave some for you, for all you've done.

- We'll pack it up. - I feel like puking.

You can't go there alone.

Sweet Mary !

I hate the bus.

It's the best way to not stand out.

- You brought a book ? - Well...

if they arrest us for robbery with bloodshed

that's at least 15 years,

so while you're digging the tunnel

I'll read Hemingway's complete works.

Here we are.

- I can't do it. - Rossi !

Who wants to live forever ?

Nobody.

It was a dumb idea to go back there.

Indeed.

He left us a million.

- It's crawling with cops. - What a mess.

Patrol units are stuck in traffic.

Fuck, come on !

What are you looking at?

Don't you have a home, a mother who loves you ? Leave !

So,

Hey !

No smoking in here.

- Looking for this ? - No.

- No? - No. Yes.

You're welcome.

You don't look like a bank robber.

Who are you ?

Someone who'll be leaving quickly.

In that instant we felt panic and terror.

What was your first thought ?

Our priority was to protect the safety of...

The robber.

- He's the robber. - Hands up !

It wasn't me, I didn't do anything.

Help !

Let go ! Grip harder.

- Let her go. - Help, he's armed.

- Go out. - Let us out.

- Or I'll shoot. - Or I'll shoot.

- Not my boob. - Not her...

Please, save me from this madman !

- Save me ! - Don't shoot.

Don't shoot.

Do not shoot.

- Freeze. - Where's the car ?

I took the bus.

Stop, don't shoot !

Everyone freeze !

Act crazy. Help !

- Don't shoot ! - I'm Miss Italy !

The car...

Who are you ?

Are you terrorists ? Albanians ?

- We're innocent. - What does that mean ?

Say something for our viewers, we're live.

A nation can't survive financially and morally

when most have so little and few have so much.

Enough!

Shall we tail them ?

No, it's lunchtime, let's go eat.

There's a great kebab place nearby...

Of course we should fucking tail them !

Let's go g

They stole a car on live TV, we're a laughingstock.

- Headache, boss. - No, I take E for my headaches.

Don't you know what E is ? I should write you up !

Now !

Despite the substantial number of officers present,

the robbers went back inside.

Dear God.

It was a dumb idea to go back there.

The criminal had these parting words.

A nation can't survive financially and morally

when most have so little and few have so much.

- I'll get your blood pressure pills. - Good idea.

They're doing okay, though.

The car ran the road block and is trying to escape.

The police quickly took off after the criminals

who are still on the run.

Go BB, pedal to the metal !

- Should I take Gran Scala ? - Yes.

You can do it.

That was a left 3.

Go, they're catching up.

Tighten it.

Can we open a window while we're doing this crazy stunt?

Right, 3.

So,

Hairpin bend, come on.

Lagging behind.

- Go through town. - This way ?

Yes !

We ditched them.

Okay, straight ahead. Careful.

Full force.

- Tractor ! - Brake !

There will be no braking !

Yes, BB rules !

- You're the best ! - You weren't too bad yourself...

- Open a window. - Your pace notes...

Open a window !

- We're not opening windows. - Don't touch me.

- It causes drag. - Psycho.

- How about that hairpin bend ? - You could've done better.

It was pretty good. Here it comes...

- Gross. - Great.

Keep going straight for a few kilometers

then take the lake road on the right.

- Look at that car. - Perfect.

Pull over here. Nobody's around.

I'm BB

and if you're feeling unexpectedly aroused, it's normal.

It's adrenaline.

Not at all, and I puked everywhere.

- Anyway, I'm Soledad. - Sole what ?

- Soledad. - What kind of name is that ?

It's my stage name. You don't recognize me ?

No.

I've done 5 films, 8 TV shows, commercials,

I was Miss Italy, and a repeat cover girl.

You live in the boonies, that's why you don't know me.

Phone. Give it to me.

Run, run, run...

Damn pea-brained hillbillies who don't have TV

who inbreed with relatives or even with sheep.

You're gross ! Thanks.

You're gross and poorly dressed and live in a ghost town...

G0, go !

THAN KS

Stop !

LADY ELISABHETZ'S TRIBULATIONS

Even if we've discovered we're siblings...

through a letter sent by my moribund count cousin

who was poisoned by the countess

who found him in bed with the wet nurse...

I, Anthony...

will always be yours.

But Lady Elizabeth...

I never...

loved you.

Soledad Agramante, you may remember her as a child actress

from some successful TV shows and soap operas.

She was taken hostage by the Val di Susa robbers this morning.

One wounded, fear, a car chase,

and a statement from one of the robbers

which has been quoted and retweeted by millions now.

A nation can't survive financially and morally

when most have so little and few have so much.

Either we were screwed by a whore and two dimwits

or Mr. Bank Manager, thinking he was as untouchable as Fermat's theorem,

staged this whole farce trying to outsmart us

and even got his car stolen.

- What's that ? - That he doesn't catch your drift.

It is a rather subtle reasoning.

Mrs. Castiglioni, shall I snip ?

Chill, it won't take long.

What did you say ?

I just can't understand.

What did he say ?

He wasn't involved, I think.

Is that so ?

- And ? - That he's sorry.

Right, he's sorry...

You're sorry for making me look like an ass ?

You're sorry I'll have to complicate my life to fix things ?

You're sorry you have to die ?

No, you're not only sorry, you're scared.

You're terrified.

Fine, Rambo, Rambo 2, and whatsyourname, take him away.

Are you saying something important?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Get to work.

Go on.

Rambo, stay here.

Make me howl or I'll kill you. Let's go.

Months and months of wire taps and tailing

then some dumbass shows up

and starts robbing the bank like whatshisname...

- A politician ? - No, the one in the film !

- Number of words ? - Three.

- Bonnie and Clyde. - Who played Bonnie ?

- Sophia Loren. - No, Faye Dunaway.

- Seen it ? - No.

As I was saying, a dumbass, a nobody...

who steals dirty money that we were going to trace.

It's best for them if we catch them

before Elena Castiglioni does.

Hot babe...

I'd bang her !

She must be mad as a hornet now

but if we're good, we'll catch her too and score big.

It's been 6 hours since they escaped.

If they're not idiots, they could be anywhere in Italy now.

And you interrupted us...

to say you don't know where they are ?

Why isn't the bank manager here yet?

Call him!

Get out !

How many banks did you rob before this ?

I've never stolen anything.

Maybe once at the supermarket when I was a kid.

A few bikes... those porn DVDs, remember ?

"Cunts and Dogs" !

So you don't have fake IDs, getaway car, safe house, etc. ?

- No. - Weapons ?

We had a gun.

Unloaded.

Fucking hell.

Where should we go ?

- Far away, Rossi. - Far away, where ?

Copacabana...

Head south for now. I have a plan.

- What plan ? - A plan ?

A good plan, I'll explain tomorrow, I'm tired now.

I sleep when I'm tired. So shut the fuck up, good night.

- A plan. - A good plan.

I said shut the fuck up.

50"')!-

How gross.

Straight through the forehead.

What a gross tie.

How can a bank manager wear such an awful tie ?

He deserved to be killed.

Want us to change his tie ?

- No. - Anyway...

His brain is on the wall,

bottle it up for Forensics, they like this stuff.

- We found the amputated finger. - In his pocket.

Good, you're good.

- I'm hungry now. - Indian ?

- Pakistani ? - Kebabs !

You think it's easy to make decisions without taking responsibility ?

Thinks it's easy to choose between Pakistani, Thai,

kebabs, organic, or farm-to-table ?

What has this world come to ?

- Chinese ? - Chinese.

Who wants breakfast ?

Why would the bank lie about the money ?

No clue, but we're in shit that is so deep it's...

- It's...? - Deep,

- Hot water. - Thanks.

- And a fresh apple cake. - Thanks.

- Thanks. - On the house.

- Just hot water ? - Yes.

I only drink hot water in the morning.

Thanks so much.

So, where are we going ?

So...

the best idea is to go back...

return the money, and apologize to everyone, right?

- Right ? - Wrong.

Wrong.

That is a ton of money.

I doubt you want to go back to your shitty lives.

- Watch your mouth. - The plan.

- A good plan. - Puglia.

- Puglia ? ' PUQHQ, guys.

The sea, paths, nature, art...

but who gives a shit about nature and art.

Path: we drive to Puglia, you pretend to set me free.

As for the sea,

pay my friend and he'll take you to Albania by boat.

Stay there for a few years till things die down here

and then you're free.

We'll split the money.

And good riddance.

Think about it while I go poop.

- Who fucks her first? - Evens.

Odds.

- Five, I win. - Okay.

Come on, Leonardi...

- Talent agent Leonardi. - It's Soledad.

I'm pretending to be the hostage of a bank robber.

We're on the run with another guy

whose name I can't remember.

Listen, I'll keep playing hostage with these dimwits,

you call in all the media,

"cinema star kidnapped by robbers".

- Everyone's worried for her safety. - Sole, that's genius.

Give me time to set it up and then with this exposure...

contracts will be pouring in ! Trust your agent.

Okay, but get me on Celebrity Island.

Let's try to sell this story first.

You might even end up starring in a film again.

- Leave it to me. - Why do I hear gunshots ?

- I'm on set with clients. - Clients, my foot.

See you at noon tomorrow in Perugia's main square.

- I'll be there. - You'd better be. Bye.

Right on !

Gang of sleazebags !

Die 1

If this is my last meal, I'm glad baby onions are involved.

- Maybe she's right. - Huh ?

We'll do what she says and wait till things die down.

Or we die.

- Trust her ? - No, you ?

No.

- Puglia ? - Puglia.

OKaV -

- You're that girl on TV ? - Yes.

- And you're the bank robbers. - Indeed.

He's just kidding.

These are the bank robbers,

and they kidnapped the dancer.

- Good for them. - Actress.

- Excuse me ? - They kidnapped an actress.

Same difference.

- Not really. - Good work.

- You're on the run ? - Yes.

No, you're mistaken.

You see, we... are not us.

- Where are you off to ? - Far away.

- Copacabana ! - Good luck !

No need to pay, my brother just wants an autograph.

Sure.

Thanks,bye.

Is this your place ?

I wish.

Now it is.

- Thanks. - Thanks so much.

- Good luck. - See you in Copacabana !

They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Tell me where they are and we will sort everything out.

But... we don't know.

I believe that, but you know how to find them.

We just want the money,

we have no intention of hurting anyone.

I'll leave you some for your troubles.

Do you have kids, ma'am ?

- That's not your business. - Right.

Would you sell your son ?

For how much ?

Yes, you would sell your son.

We wouldn't.

It's people like me who make the world go around

and people like you get tossed once we're done with them.

We're in good company, we outnumber you.

What a damn waste of time.

Rambo, come with me.

Rambo 2, you handle this.

Gratuitous violence upsets me.

Don't move.

What a shitty life.

You were too slow, sorry.

Now ? What'll we do ?

- He weighs a ton. - I'll help.

- Hold on... What do I do ? - He weighs a ton.

Will it work ?

Sure, three sites online said it would work

if you followed the tutorial, and we did, right?

- Yes. - All right...

- Now ? ' Easy...

Up!

Heavy.

Okay, nice and easy.

Watch out for the acid.

Drop him gently.

Is he alive ?

No, it's because of the acid.

Like a lizard's tail, you know ?

How awful.

Truly awful.

What should we do ?

Pizza and a movie ? So we don't seem suspicious.

OKaV -

- Hi. - They freed you ?

- No, I sent them out shopping. - You okay ?

Don't worry. ls the press release done ?

I need to redo it...

- Move your hand. - They'll read my lips.

Who ?

Look.

BANK MANAGER FOUND DEAD

Shit, they killed him.

- Did you know him ? - I'm in deep shit.

No, Sole, you're not in deep shit.

This is your big break.

Give me something good and I'll get you on the news tonight.

OKaV -

Don't do a thing till I say so, don't fuck up.

Me ? I never fuck up !

It's her !

I love your music, can I get an autograph ?

A Photo !

- Good job. - Huh ?

For robbing the bank, those swines !

Good luck !

Toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, face cream...

About time !

Maxi pads... all of Soledad's shit !

Deodorant for me...

and for you, you need it.

- Never used it. - I can tell.

I got food, beer, phones, and books.

You look like a loser in this picture.

Did you keep a low profile ?

Three people recognized me, I took one photo,

gave 100,000 euros to a cute cashier,

and 100,000 to an old lady. I kept a low profile.

Good. We'll leave when she gets back.

- If she gets back. - Of course, you have the money.

- Get in. - ls that an order ?

No, but would you kindly get into this fucking car ?

I'd rather not be with two losers like you,

I would've chosen sharper, smarter people if I could've.

Hey Marisol, you're not exactly the genius of the century.

Listen, dimwit, I just got you a spot on a boat

to Albania tomorrow at 4:00 PM.

You have 28 hours to get me there.

So until then, show some respect. Thanks.

Don't, I have a peeve with slaps...

- You hit her ? - I warned her.

50"')!-

I didn't mean to.

You didn't mean to rob the bank

or hit her...

before doing things you should stop and think.

AP0l0gy accepted.

Now open the door for me like fucking gentlemen.

Why do you keeping giving our money away ?

Because we're the good guys.

What the fuck ?

Who the fuck are they ?

What's the hell is going on ?

I knew it, it's over now.

You dumbasses got caught,

you can't even fucking escape.

Shut up!

Silence, please.

BB'S ENTIRE LIFE AGE 26

Drive or I'll kill you.

Damn, it jammed.

Fucking hell !

Oh God, we're gonna die !

Yes !

It's all over now.

We're safe.

You think I did all of this...

just to get on the front page, right?

Right.

You are right.

Feel better now that you admitted it ?

My life...

is a failure.

Ours too, but we're not making a scene over it.

I was Italy's child prodigy.

But not for long and...

I never did anything truly special.

Then you're told that talent isn't enough,

you need to do anything you can.

If you want to know...

I let everyone fuck me.

- I didn't want to know. - I did.

Everyone !

And I messed that up too, lame producers,

directors who didn't direct, two-bit agents...

Online...

there's a video of me blowing a scriptwriter.

A scriptwriter, how pathetic is that ?

VBW-

When the iPhone 8 comes out,

who wants the iPhone 5 ?

Nobody, but what the fuck does that mean ?

I'm 23,

I'm old, nobody wants me.

Everyone wants a 17-year-old slut from the Disney Channel.

Know how many followers she has on lnstagram ?

Way more than me !

Way more !

I'm the iPhone 5.

And this was supposed to be my big break.

But I'm in deep shit like I've never been before.

And it's all your fault.

You dragged me into this shitty story !

You assholes !

Leave me alone !

Get this nutcase off of me !

A fence !

Qkay...

I'm going to get out and we'll part ways here.

- Goodbye. - I wouldn't if I were you.

No?

Watch me...

Let's get out.

I want to die.

Nice mansion, bet we'll find a car to steal... Come on.

Damn you.

Not bad.

Anyone here ?

Anyone here ?

No, nobody's here.

I want to get wasted like there's no tomorrow.

Me first.

I'll go find the bathroom.

Where are we ?

In a mansion, I'd say.

- Perceptive. - I'll go find some food.

Guys, I'm still hung over but for tonight I want to be...

a princess.

Guys I

Rossi !

BB!

What are you doing ?

We're watching your blowjob video.

How was it ?

- Not bad. - Not bad.

Thanks.

I thought you'd left.

Left for where ? We're out of ideas.

To Albania...

the land of opportunity.

Vloré, Durrés, Tirana...

what amazing places.

Have you been ?

No, but...

- That stuff... - You know ?

- That stuff. - You know !

It's not too bad here.

No.

Since we'll probably die tomorrow...

it's not so bad being here with you.

I want to make love.

With you both.

Sole...

Sole, shit's gone wrong.

Sorry, didn't mean to disturb your sleep.

I didn't think it would be this easy.

But that's life, things are never what you think, right?

Fucking right.

Now we'll wait for my boss.

You might want to get ready before she arrives.

Because last time I saw her

she was really pissed at you.

I have a simple question for you:

where's the money ?

Where's the money ?

Need some time to think it over ?

Give me a more precise answer.

Can you do me a favor and turn the TV on ?

The TV ?

Yes, they show cool documentaries at this time of night,

those slow ones with an old voice-over...

they help me think.

So I can remember where the money is.

Forget the TV, I'll make you tell me where the money is.

But those documentaries are pretty cool...

I once saw one about the Tasmanian devil.

A marsupial that lives in Australia,

it's small, like a poodle with rat fur.

But it's more vicious than a tiger.

Know what's special about it ? Its hunting technique.

Its favorite prey are koalas.

It approaches silently

and with a leap...

grabs it by the neck with its teeth.

Then what does it do ? It fucks it.

The best part is, when it's about to have an orgasm...

the Tasmanian devil sinks its teeth into its neck

and kills it.

Did this help refresh your memory ?

No?

You're going to force me to play Tasmanian devil.

Fuck you g

Come on.

Quick, quick !

I'll kill you all.

Do it, Rossi.

- One more and then we'll go. - Let me.

- That hurts. - It's hard to knock someone out.

You're wasting time, hit him here, at the base of the neck.

- Who the fuck are you ? - Hi, Sole's agent.

He's right, hit him hard at the base of the neck.

No, harder, like when a doctor taps your knee.

I know, I am trying.

- Don't use that tone with me. - I'm trying, damn it!

Enough, just kill me!

- You're useless, let me. - Kill me !

Shit...

Enough...

You need to cooperate here... Neck straight.

Enough!

- Enough 'Again !

Listen, we've gotta go, buddy.

We'll lock you in the bathroom, someone will let you out.

- What the... - How'd they find us ?

I don't know.

He didn't find us by chance, who'd you talk to ?

I didn't talk to anybody.

I asked a fucking question.

I didn't talk to anybody.

I swear to God, the Virgin Mary, Saint Pio. I didn't talk to anybody.

I told a cop where you were so they'd come arrest you

and I'd post it live on lnstagram.

I even found a sponsor, tons of money for me.

- Did you know ? - She didn't.

Sorry, Sole.

I thought it would be a good idea, for publicity.

Quit pointing that smokepole at me and I'll tell all.

LEONARDI'S STORY

You won't get my scalp, not today !

I'm Billy the Kid !

I'm a self-made man.

My first job was dying, as Billy the Kid.

I was the best, a pro shooter.

Kids went crazy for me, I was the best around.

War cry, Native Americans !

Then they decided to do a pirate show instead,

and since I suck at being a pirate, I got fired.

I had contacts so I started being an agent for clubs, shows...

until one day I met Soledad, who had no work either.

I sent her book to casting directors but they said...

they wanted new, fresh, younger faces.

I always believed she could be number one again,

but things don't always work out as planned.

Out of desperation, I told the police everything.

- Police agent. - Talent agent Leonardi.

But that fucking police agent

wasn't a real cop.

But don't hurt them.

They screwed me, I'm a dumbass.

Yep...

How fucking embarrassing...

but I did it all in good faith.

Leonardi, in good faith... fuck you !

Let's go.

Move.

Leonardi, get in.

Thanks.

Typical punishment from Elena Castiglioni

when you really piss her off.

What a woman.

Rambo learned his lesson this time.

- She chopped him to pieces ! - Lots of pieces!

To be precise, there are 27 pieces

made with a circular saw or alternative saw.

We've reassembled him like this, roughly.

If you want more precision, call Ravensburger Puzzles.

Funny!

- It's not funny. - No, it's not. Sorry.

Anyway, I'm Detective Vanzetti, Forensics.

- Captain Greppi. - Enchanté.

His name was Domenico Rambelli, AKA Rambo.

- Witnesses ? - Neighbors.

- They saw the guys and the singer. - Dancer.

- Isn't she an escort ? - Butt out !

- Gladly. - Boss, I've made a major discovery.

Found this in the fridge. With an ear and 10-year-old yogurt.

- So? - It's still good !

Please, give that to me.

Let's get into his phone

and see who he was messaging and calling.

Let's take a group selfie.

Know where Gabriel Garcia Marquez was born ?

- Colombia. - What city ?

- Don't know. - Aracataca.

So?

"Cien afios de soledad".

Sorry about what happened before, for real.

But offers are pouring in for appearances, radio shows, events...

TV...

- What's that ? - "Clang".

Yes, but what was it ?

It was a "clang".

- Smoke's not good, is it? - No.

Can it be repaired ?

It's just the fan belt, we'll make it to the next rest area.

Are you sure ?

- I'm sure. - Let's go.

Almost there.

Go, it's downhill.

Turn !

Turn it off.

The boat guy has to leave sooner, in four hours.

Shit!

I could quickly fix it with spare parts.

I saw an auto shop, what do you need ?

I love you, BB.

A fan belt, a set of wrenches, and coolant.

- Got it. - I'll try to loosen the pulley.

Isn't it quicker to steal another one ?

First, let's avoid getting caught for theft now,

second, piss off.

Fine, I'll piss off

but I'm in negotiations to get you on Idol as judges.

I personally spoke to... I'll go use the bathroom.

- Can you help ? - I don't want to sweat.

Right. What do you need ?

Stay here, pass me the wrench when I need it.

I'm your assistant.

We have to go here, Santa Maria di Leuca...

So we go toward Casagrande...

- Time ? - 10.

27 minutes ! Rossi rules !

- Breakfast ? - I'm going to rest.

I remember her, what's her name ? Sole something...

I remember her from primary school, she was going to be a star, it seemed.

She wasn't bad either...

I saw her on the news, poor thing, what a terrible business.

What's she doing now?

Fuck that bitch !

- Bathroom break. - What do you want?

Anything, but make sure it's savory.

Hi.

Can you give me a coin ?

Sure.

Here.

Say "good luck", magic girl.

Good luck, good man.

Thanks.

Mom always told me to watch out for rest area bathrooms.

- Sole, run ! - Everyone get out !

Help ! Rossi !

Get out !

- Where's the money ? - Shit, shit...

Are you with the IRS ?

Where's the money ?

I deposited it in Switzerland because Italian banks...

No, wait, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you where it is...

I invested it in a start-up called Bite Me !

Sleep, BB, sleep.

You're missing out...

Sole !

Darling girl...

screwing me over, of all people ?

I've never been screwed by anyone but Rambo and Rambo 2...

May they rest in peace.

Of all people... I treated you like a daughter.

Daughter, my ass.

We'll deal with her later, no rush.

It will be the saddest and worst thing in my life.

What the fuck am I doing ?

Billy the Kid...

I'm Billy the Kid.

Where's the money, kid ?

I don't have time to waste, I'm already annoyed enough.

Tell me or I'll kill you.

Hurry up and get it over with.

Fine, as you wish.

Take care of the girl and deal with this idiot.

For your information, the money is in the car, lady.

Fuck the money.

Nobody move or I'll kill her!

Rossi, stay calm.

We know what happened, it's best if you surrender.

Don't move ! Give me the keys.

- Oh shit... - Keys !

I can't find them.

- What do you mean ? - They're in the trunk.

Move !

- What the fuck ! - Sorry !

What the hell ?!

They don't belong in jail but in an insane asylum.

Quit laughing.

Breathe.

Get the keys ! Nobody move, stay still.

Don't move !

Go, everyone in their cars.

Come on, let them through.

What the fuck are you doing ?

Go, move it !

Quickly !

Captain, look who's here.

Mrs. Castiglioni...

I've been dying to meet you.

You're mistaken, I was here by chance.

Married ?

No.

Engaged ?

- Is this an interrogation ? - Just curious.

Let's have dinner tonight so you can tell me everything.

I have to go now, unfortunately.

This is hashish.

No kidding ?

Captain !

- I know where they're going. - Where ?

I found a map with this route.

Good job, you're good.

Know what you are ?

- What are we ? - A major disappointment. Leave.

- Come on. - Let's go.

It's just us, boss.

Those kids are starting to piss me off.

Let's call in the sharpshooters.

Son of a fucking rotten bitch, you almost killed me, dickhead !

I said sorry !

Fuck sorry ! Only a dickhead would shoot like that.

Whatever, Sleeping Beauty !

Guys, enough already. What the fuck should we do ?

I don't know.

- We need a solution now. - I know, thanks. Give me a sec.

- Now ! - Quit fucking screaming.

We're catching fire, you shot the gas tank.

My best friend's a moron.

Rossi, you're a moron.

The money !

Go put it out !

We need a solution.

Go, BB !

There's a fountain.

Get out.

If she moves, kill her.

Come near and I will blow this bitch's head off.

We're not afraid of you.

Get in !

Give me.

Don't move !

Relax, we're the good guys.

Let's go g

Go, fucking drive !

- Step on it ! - The car's done for.

- Should we surrender ? - We came all this way to surrender ?

No.

Hell no.

No.

There will be no surrendering today.

Darling Sole, the moment of truth has arrived.

- The whole truth ? - Nothing but the truth.

I'm not used to this.

THE TRUTH

At one point I realized that my moment in the sun was gone,

that I'd had my chance but flopped.

So I decided to take another route.

Take this envelope and transport it outside of Italy.

Here's a map, that's all.

The agreement was I'd transport that bag only.

The agreement...

changed.

Don't fuck with me, I want my money now.

Calm down, miss.

- The ATM's outside. - Give me what's mine.

- In a normal country... - Come to my office.

- People don't realize... - That wasn't our agreement.

- Stop yelling. - I'll yell all I want.

And I started before you, moron.

I can't even say I'm ashamed, I've had no shame for years.

When I saw you, I thought I could keep the money.

The bags.

You'd take the blame and I could start anew.

I underestimated

me, you guys, the situation...

Now I just want this all to be over...

That's the truth.

I know, it's pretty ugly but that's it.

Maybe it's best to say to hell with truth at times.

Schopenhauen More or less Schopenhauer.

- How much longer to the port ? - 30 minutes.

We can still catch that boat, theoretically.

We're fucked, in actuality.

I'll call home.

Bartolomeo... how are you ?

I'm fine, we're fine.

We're alive.

- And you ? - We're alive too. Where are you ?

- Up shit creek. - Meaning ?

Our car's burnt,

and we're being chased by a dozen rabid police.

You are up shit creek. We have to do something.

I just wanted to say I love you, give mom a kiss...

We love you too, now tell me where you are going.

Why '2

I may be an unemployed 60-year-old but I still have brains.

Now I'll get the computer,

give me the details without being a pain in the ass.

Try to buy some time.

Okay, dad.

- What do you need ? - Bartolomeo, trust me.

- Pass me Rossi. - Mr. Cesco.

Yes, we could use a hand.

Where are you and where are you going ?

Through me you pass into the city of woe, into eternal pain.

Through me among the people lost for aye,

justice the founder of my fabric moved.

To rear me was the task of Power divine...

supremest Wisdom, and primeval Love.

Before me things create were none,

save things eternal, and eternal I endure.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Thanks, Mr. Cesco.

Hope so.

Your dad says we have one remote chance to save ourselves.

- Such as ? - Reach the square at exactly noon.

- Which means... - Racing like the wind.

Go, go...

- They're far behind. - Easy 100.

Left four. Go, 50 easy left.

They've vanished.

The square. Are we on time ?

- Punctual. - Dead punctual !

- Totally inappropriate. - You're right, sorry.

Why at noon on the dot?

You need to move your car.

- Don't move, standby. - Copy that.

Move, the procession's coming through.

The bank robbers who kidnapped the actress !

- Yes. - Thanks.

- Thought they caught you ? - Not yet.

- You must help us. - How ? We're musicians.

Keep marching and playing.

Please, march and play. Go !

Go on, play g

I hate marching bands ! Run the road block !

Come on !

- How much was it? - 20 million.

20 million... it stoked the fire well.

There, shoot !

- I can't, I'm not in the clear. - It's an order.

Civilians are in the line of fire.

Who gives a shit, shoot !

- Impossible, sir. - Shoot, for fuck's sake !

Why didn't you tell us ?

I want to fix the mess I made.

- Let's go to the hospital. - No, stop.

Shoot ! Give me the walkie-talkie.

This is Greppi here.

Shoot the targets, now !

- Copy that, Captain. - Wait for my orders, stand by.

I can delay them, go on.

- We can't leave you. - Just fucking go !

I'm telling you one last time, shoot !

Sorry, sir, but we can't shoot because we're not animals

and I respectfully suggest you go fuck yourself.

By the way, the camera was on and your words and actions

will incriminate you.

You fell for it!

Well done ! I was testing you !

You think I'd ask you to shoot innocent people

while I was being filmed ? Like hell !

Applaud him.

Give me that damn camera.

Shithead !

Shithead !

- Thanks. - Go on !

Love ya ! Go !

I knew you'd become a star.

- Go on, Babuska ! - I love you !

Mission aborted. I repeat, mission aborted.

I'm here !

When you get to the port, call my friend, he's waiting.

What did he call you before ?

Babuska.

It means little witch.

That's what my mom used to call me,

she was Russian.

I found it hard to believe that you'd told the whole truth.

My parents died when I was a kid.

I was sent to an orphanage.

You told us a heap of tales.

No more than I've told myself.

But that's over now, right ?

I'll tell them you freed me

and you treated me well.

I won't tell them...

you're two duffers who miraculously survived.

I won't tell them these were the best days of my life.

I won't tell them I've foolishly fallen in love with you.

I hate you.

Goodbye, Rossi, goodbye, BB, your boat's waiting, go.

- So Albania ? - Yep.

- We'll start over. - Yes.

Without a cent.

How sad.

RECKLESS LIFE