Original subtitles

♪♪

Fawz, I have a bone to pick with you.

Your dry cleaners ruined my shirt.

How do I know it wasn't brought in that way?

Could be for one of your dolls.

Maybe you're a creepy doll guy.

This was my lucky shirt.

I was wearing it when I won 50 bucks at the track

the day my wife left me.

And, when I got a bonus McNugget the day I lost my job.

Did you wear your lucky shirt with your unlucky underwear?

All his underwear is unlucky.

Okay, give me a few days.

It could just be a mix-up,

and one of my tiny customers will walk in with a giant shirt.

(Franco grunting)

I got it.

Okay.

Yo, Arthur, would it be cool if I stored

some of my paintings in the back?

Whoa, that's a lot of painting.

Uh, you can store some of your stuff here, yeah.

Yeah? Thanks, man.

You know, ever since you let me paint

that mural on the side of the shop,

I've been painting nonstop.

It's amazing. What do you call it?

Well, I call it, uh,

Black Jesus Riding a Skateboard Battles Satan on a Pony.

So, where's Satan?

Be right back!

Is it weird that I'm attracted to Jesus?

Is it weird that I am?

All right. (whoops) Make way for Satan!

Make way for the Prince of Darkness!

Wow. How'd you get my ex-wife to pose for that?

These are really good, Franco.

You're like a legit artist.

Oh. Thanks, Maya.

I just felt it was time

to graduate from tagging walls.

Though, I'm gonna miss the cops

chasing me off those highway overpasses.

Aw...

I'm sure we'll find something else to arrest you for.

Those paintings are terrific.

You ever think of trying to sell them?

- Where? - JAMES: Well, someone just opened

a gallery down the street.

MAYA: You know, gallery owners are always looking

for up-and-coming artists.

And you've got a real voice.

You should show them your stuff.

FRANCO: Oh. Thanks, Maya.

I'll drop by after work.

FAWZ: Hello! What's going on? I'm trapped!

FRANCO: Oh.

The walls are supposed to keep the good ones like me in,

not out.

I should have voted for the woman.

♪♪

Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for - www.addic7ed.com -

Hey, thanks for coming, Sweatpants.

That's what friends are for.

I support you, and you forgive me for taking money out

of your wallet to buy a cotton candy machine.

Can I help you?

Hey. I'm-I'm Franco Wicks and I'm an artist.

Wow.

Feels pretty weird to say that in a place like this, man.

(chuckles) But I am.

I am an artist.

Yeah, you are.

(chuckles) Thanks, man. Aw...

(Franco and Sweatpants sigh)

I'm really glad I was here to go with you on that journey.

So, what can I do for you?

Well, um, I was just wondering if you can take a look at my art

and see if you want to put it up at your gallery.

Oh, where might I have seen you?

Well, um, I work at the donut shop down the street.

Yeah, I don't eat donuts.

No, I meant where might I have seen your work?

Oh, right. Right, right, right. Okay.

Well, you ever been on the Ravenswood "L" train?

- Yes. - Well, those last three cars,

I tagged myself.

Ah.

So, you have not shown in a gallery.

Well, I-I haven't shown as such.

But, you know, I thought I would give you the honor

of introducing Franco Wicks to the art world.

You know, I-I made a mural of my friend,

Bam-Bam. He's dead. Yeah.

I'm sure it's lovely. Excuse me.

Please, can you not touch the sculpture?

But it's so shiny.

Come on, Sweatpants.

I'm sorry, he's-he's new to all this.

I am a handful.

Um, let me explain how the art world works.

There's a process.

These artists, they're established.

They have agents and real portfolios.

You don't just walk in off the street.

I get it. Mm-hmm.

Okay, um, we-we were just walking by.

And y-you have your way of doing things, that's fine.

Um, never hurts to ask.

I don't know, man, you look hurt.

Well, it turns out my dry cleaners did ruin your shirt.

I found the employee responsible,

and I immediately shot him... (coughs)

a very stern e-mail.

What's with the suit?

I was hoping that you would accept it

as compensation.

My wife bought it for me, but she accidentally got it

from the "big and fat" section.

I think you mean "big and tall."

Right. Tall.

ARTHUR: Hey, here they are.

How'd it go?

RANDY: Yeah, are you famous yet?

It went great!

Well, the lady said you have to have a show

before you can get a show.

Which is, which is fine, it's no biggie.

And the lady was mean.

She wouldn't even check out Franco's stuff.

Or let me touch the statues.

What if I was a blind guy?

You know, she shouldn't judge you till she's seen your work.

No, no, it's cool, man.

Look, I'm just some unknown walking off the street,

all right?

(chuckles): Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like I always say... Yeah.

... give up immediately, then you'll never know.

That's how I live my life.

All right, so a lady says you need a, a show, right?

So, have a show.

- Just like that? - Yeah.

You can have it here.

RANDY: Yeah, we could just

pull all this donut stuff off the walls.

I'll make the flyers.

Why does she get to make the flyers?

All right, fine, you make the flyers.

Nah, she can make 'em.

I just don't think it should be a fait accompli

because she yelled it out first.

Yeah, if you have a show,

you can invite that art gallery lady.

You know, if she comes, then I can show her

- what she's been missing. - Yeah, there you go.

Yeah.

Wow.

My very own art show.

This is dope, man.

You know, my whole life, my dad's been telling me

I would never make it as an artist.

Why don't you invite him and he can see how good you are?

No. Nah, nah, I-I haven't seen my dad

since, uh, Thanksgiving two years ago.

And besides, he'd never come.

So I managed to use "fait accompli" in a sentence

and nothing?

You people are monsters.

♪♪

MAYA: Look at this place.

It's like a less pretentious art gallery

or a more pretentious donut shop.

Well, it's not as fancy as that gallery,

but we still gonna get it poppin'.

Man, this is so weird,

having people judge my art.

Usually my stuff is on a wall

that a homeless guy is peeing on.

Relax, kid, it's gonna be a great night.

- Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself. - You're right,

you're right, you're right.

Damn, Randy,

you look sexy as hell.

Aw, well, thank you.

It's nice to get dressed up every once in a while

and go out for the evening...

to the place I go every single day.

Hey, Fawz, look.

Twinsies!

You look nice, but we're hardly twinsies.

(imitating Fawz): "You look nice,

but we're hardly twinsies."

Do not imitate me.

"Do not imitate me."

I am an idiot.

Say it!

Arthur.

Why is nobody buying anything?

You think maybe I priced them too high?

Hey, if you don't value your own work,

nobody else will.

I could charge 85 cents for those donuts,

but I-I put my heart and soul into it,

so now I can charge $0.89.

Come on, get some confidence.

- Right. Right, yeah, man. - Okay.

My bad, I just... it's like no matter what I do, man,

I keep hearing my dad's voice in my head.

Franco.

I see you're still dressing like a Kung Fu villain.

Yeah, that's how it sounds.

Hey, Pop.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

- What you doing here? - Well, I saw your flyer.

So, this is your art show?

Yeah.

This is, this is my art show.

I can't believe Franco's dad showed up.

How did he even find out about this?

Well, not to toot my own horn, but...

A-hoo-Ga.

Even your horn is old.

Yeah...

I thought if he saw how talented Franco is,

you know, he'd give him a little respect,

and Franco would stop doubting himself.

So, I looked him up in the phone book

and I slipped a flyer under his door. Hmm.

They still make phone books?

Well, I got to say,

I never seen an art show in a donut shop.

(chuckles) Well, it's 'cause I work here.

- You do? - Yeah.

For the past six months.

So... what you think?

Well, I actually think it's great.

And I'm proud of you.

Really? (laughs)

All right, that's... thank... 'cause I... this whole time,

I-I didn't think you wanted me to be an artist.

I don't.

I mean, but you got yourself an actual job.

You know, by now,

I thought you'd be living in your grandmama's basement,

eating her cookies and trimming her beard.

Hey, Mr. Wicks.

Uh, I'm Franco's boss, Arthur Przybyszewski.

(chuckles) The man who gave my boy a job.

God bless you.

Well, look, I'm really lucky to have him.

How about this art exhibit?

It's pretty impressive, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I guess so, if you want a hobby.

You know, I actually used to collect

all the state's quarters.

And then, I would use them for laundry. (chuckles)

Wisconsin gets your whites the whitest.

Well, Dad, my-my art is-is more than a hobby.

REGGIE: Oh.

Really?

So how many of these have you sold?

Today?

Ever.

Hey, Reggie, let me show you a really, uh...

this is my favorite painting over here.

You know that Jesus could skateboard?

Yeah.

The man could walk on water. Of course he could skateboard.

Yeah.

Still tooting your horn?

Oh, shut up.

Well, maybe when he gets a look at your art,

- he'll come around. - (scoffs, laughs)

You haven't dealt with Reggie Wicks.

He thinks all this is a waste of time.

Oh, you can't win with parents.

I became a cop like my dad to try to get his approval.

And he never gave it.

I remember, on his deathbed,

he finally pulled me close and he said, "Go..."

Cubs."

- Ooh, that's rough. - Yeah.

I almost buried his ass in a White Sox uniform.

You know something, if I could just sell

one of these paintings, then my dad

would have to admit my art is for real.

Let's go. (clears throat)

(in deep voice): Hello.

Uh, you like what you see?

I do. It's great.

Oh, well, you want to buy it?

No, I'm just looking.

But the use of perspective is really...

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, guys, I think he's gonna need our help.

Well, maybe a couple of us should swing by,

talk to that gallery owner, see if she'll come by.

Oh, yeah. And then, maybe if she liked Franco's art,

she'd offer him a show and get his dad off his back.

Come on, Fawz. This is a job for the Dapper Duo.

Do not call us that.

Blazer Boys? Guys in Ties? Brutes in Suits?

Blazer Boys is fine.

Oh, look at this piece. The brush strokes...

there are so many of them.

It's stunning, but I don't find it as arresting

as the pieces we saw at Superior Donuts.

"Arresting," nice. Very douchey.

May I help you, gentlemen?

I don't know.

Nothing here is speaking to us

like the Franco Wicks show we saw down the street.

Oh, is that the thing at the, um, donut shop?

Yeah. You should check it out.

That place has some fine quality, durable art.

Yeah, I don't think so.

No, but perhaps I can show you two something

that you'll both be happy to hang in your home.

Our home?

I can see how you might be confused,

but we're not a couple.

Yeah. And if I were going to be gay,

I think I could do better than this.

You'd be lucky to have me.

Please. You look like Dolly Parton's bodyguard.

All right, well, if it helps,

I find you both unappealing.

Excuse me.

Have you seen me shirtless?

I can get any man I want.

Any man!

You wish.

Well, that did not go well.

That woman's gaydar is way off.

REGGIE: You know what your problem is?

I think you done priced

these little pictures you drew too high.

Why would anybody spend $80 on a picture of weed,

when they could spend $80 on weed?

You know, I think I made a mistake

inviting Franco's dad.

Well, the important thing is: your heart was in the right place.

- Mm-hmm. - Your head is just up your ass.

Hmm?

I mean, maybe I should tell him that I did it.

How'd you get it further up there?

You... you can't tell him that,

not on his big night.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

Maybe it'll all work out.

Yeah, absolutely. Right.

Yeah.

This is not gonna work out, James.

Let's head over to that gallery

and see if we can get her to come over here.

All right. Show these Blazer Boys how it's done.

It's catching on.

That, right there, that's why we'll never be a couple.

Look, uh, Franco is really talented,

and it would really mean a lot to him

if you'd stop by.

I'm sorry, I'm just too busy.

Yeah, you know, he just needs a break.

Wouldn't it be great if you could be the one

to lift him out of obscurity? The one, to, uh...

What's going on here?

Oh, yes.

It's called Two Pigs, One Badge.

You know, the police have been getting a really bad rap lately,

and stuff like this is not helping things.

Yes, but art is meant to provoke a conversation,

and I think this is a conversation well worth having.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you are having a conversation

with a cop.

Are you threatening me?

Uh, hey, Randy,

did you check out this giant Jenga?

You snooty jackasses are all alike.

You scoff at law enforcement until the day you need it.

Okay, I am filming this. I'm filming this!

And I am filming you, for being anti-cop.

Okay, now, everybody just stay cool.

Nobody do anything stupid. Randy, you go now.

Just move quietly. No, no.

Back it up, back it up. You got that door open? All right.

How'd it go?

Search YouTube for "Psycho Cop at Art Show."

REGGIE: Hey, hey.

I found one I like.

Really?

Yeah. That's nice.

You know, it's bright, it's colorful. I love it.

Dad, it's a neon sign that tells you where the coffee is.

Yeah, I know. How much?

Why'd you even come if you gonna be like this?

I came here to talk some sense into your black ass.

To keep you from messing up your life.

God, I wish you'd never even seen that flyer.

(scoffs) Well, it was hard for me not to.

Somebody slid it under my damn door.

Maya! She was in charge of the flyers.

It wasn't Maya. It was me.

What?

I'm the one that slipped that flyer under his door.

How did you get into my building?

You lucky your ass didn't get shot.

Arthur, look, you got to stop meddling with my life, man.

This thing with my dad,

getting me to do this stupid-ass art show.

Hold on.

You're the one that's putting these crazy ideas in his head

about being an artist?

Hey, look, it's not crazy.

You deserve a break.

Because you're really talented.

Listen, the world is filled with talented people

who can't feed themselves.

I'm trying to get my boy to be realistic.

Yeah, well, maybe he doesn't need that.

How would you know what he needs?

You're not his father.

Hey, you know something, Arthur?

He's right.

- You ain't my father. - Huh.

Because unlike my father, you actually believe in me.

You actually accept who I am.

Uh, hold on, I'm confused.

Um...

Who the hell you mad at?

I'm mad at both of you!

But at least he supports me.

Dad, look, w-whether you like it or not, man,

I'm-I'm gonna be an artist. Yeah.

So, I'm sick of your voice in my head,

and from now on, I'm only gonna listen to mine.

Oh.

O-Oh.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Okay.

Well, I guess you just gonna have to learn the hard way.

See you around, son.

Mm-hmm.

Wow, you just faced your harshest critic.

You're officially an artist.

And no one can tell you any different.

Look who it is.

Except her.

Oh, look, it's all the maniacs from before.

Maya, how'd you get her to come?

I spent a lot of time in art galleries growing up,

so I threw around some art lingo,

told her how great Franco was,

agreed to go on a date with her and here we are.

Just back up a step.

Oh, that.

I'm in grad school, I should try some stuff.

Interesting work. Somebody has daddy issues.

Oh, boy, she's good.

But, you clearly have raw talent.

I mean, your composition's all over the map,

but your imagery's very powerful.

Thank you.

So, he's ready for your gallery, huh?

Oh, God, no.

No, you need to refine your technique,

focus yourself stylistically.

You definitely need to go to art school.

Even then, the odds of you ever making a living

are, like, one in a thousand.

You've got a long, long path in front of you.

Wear your hair up Saturday night.

ARTHUR: Hey, Franco.

Yeah?

You all right?

I mean, did you hear her?

I got a path! (laughs)

(laughs): Hey!

That's so great!

- JAMES: That's what I'm talking about! - Yeah!

ARTHUR: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Be careful putting those back up, they're important.

What, they're just pictures of donuts.

It's a subliminal message.

People will see them and they'll want to buy donuts.

But that's all you sell.

Why else would people come in?

Must be nice to be young and know everything.

Franco,

I would like to buy that one.

Really? All right, I'll-I'll box it up, then.

You don't seem like the art collector type.

Don't be so surprised.

He's a talented up-and-coming artist.

That could be worth something someday.

And, the value goes up

if the artist dies young,

and with Franco being black and living in Chicago...

Fawz.

God forbid something should happen to him.

(coughing)

I'll take that one, too.