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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,920
2
00:00:03,919 --> 00:00:06,749
Well, I'm off.
3
00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:08,210
Arthur, put that
on my tab, will you?
4
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:09,210
Oh, you out of
money again?
5
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:12,080
No, I've just got it
taped to my stomach.
6
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,040
What?
7
00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:14,789
Yeah, last week
I was pickpocketed,
8
00:00:14,789 --> 00:00:16,499
and I don't want it
to happen again.
9
00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:19,580
But if you insist.
10
00:00:19,579 --> 00:00:21,459
(loud rip, Tush grunts)
11
00:00:25,289 --> 00:00:26,619
Well, actually, it's $1.25.
12
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:28,830
I think I've got some change.
13
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,999
(grunts)
14
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,290
I hope this is a quarter,
not a nipple.
15
00:00:33,289 --> 00:00:34,999
No, no, no, stop, stop.
16
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,000
We'll call it even.
17
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,920
Bless you.
18
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,920
Eh.
19
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,830
Hello.
20
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,830
'Sup?
21
00:00:39,829 --> 00:00:42,169
Randy, my dear friend,
you accidentally
22
00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:44,580
left that ticket on my Mercedes.
23
00:00:44,579 --> 00:00:47,039
Uh, you were parked
in a loading zone.
24
00:00:47,039 --> 00:00:51,209
That's because I was loading
my mouth with fro-yo.
25
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:54,250
Sorry, Fawz, the law's the law.
26
00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:55,540
Why don't you just
park in the alley?
27
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:56,539
That spot's always open.
28
00:00:56,539 --> 00:00:57,919
No, no, that's my spot.
29
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,250
I'm gonna park
my motorcycle there
30
00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:00,830
when I finally get one.
31
00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:02,709
Then we can park
the hearse there
32
00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:05,170
after you go for
your first ride.
33
00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:07,120
Well, I will
fight this in court!
34
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,120
Well, that'll cost you more.
35
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,120
Then I will pay this today!
36
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,380
Hey, Randy, you
let people park
37
00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:15,119
in that loading
zone all the time.
38
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,380
Yeah, well, not this week.
39
00:01:17,379 --> 00:01:19,249
They're having a contest
down at the station
40
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,420
to see who can write
the most tickets,
41
00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:23,710
and the pot is up
to 800 bucks.
42
00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:25,330
Whoa.
43
00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:25,330
You remember,
44
00:01:25,329 --> 00:01:26,879
I got that kid going
to Northwestern.
45
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:32,169
800 bucks? That'll pay for at
least 14 minutes of class.
46
00:01:32,170 --> 00:01:34,380
(Skype ringtone plays)
47
00:01:32,170 --> 00:01:34,380
NADINE:
Hey, baby.
48
00:01:34,379 --> 00:01:35,459
Hey, Honeybutt.
49
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,210
How's the conference going?
50
00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:39,830
Hey, Franco, what'd I tell you
about video telephoning at work?
51
00:01:39,829 --> 00:01:41,749
I-I don't remember,
'cause I started laughing
52
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:44,500
as soon as you said
"video telephoning."
53
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:45,830
Well, say good-bye
to Honeybutt
54
00:01:45,829 --> 00:01:47,829
and go get a fresh batch
of fritters.
55
00:01:47,829 --> 00:01:49,419
Fine. All right.
56
00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:51,330
Well, I guess
I'll see you later?
57
00:01:51,329 --> 00:01:53,119
Oh, no, no, this is fine.
58
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,290
I can talk to you
and do my job at the same time.
59
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,459
It's called multitasking.
60
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,459
(Nadine laughs)
61
00:01:57,460 --> 00:01:59,750
Well, if that's true,
tell me something.
62
00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:02,120
Can you see my bra
through this shirt?
63
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,170
No.
64
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:04,580
What about now?
65
00:02:04,579 --> 00:02:06,539
Oh, damn! Oh, damn!
66
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:09,960
Damn! Damn!
67
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:09,960
(grease hissing)
68
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,540
What happened in here?
69
00:02:11,539 --> 00:02:13,539
My computer.
70
00:02:14,539 --> 00:02:16,999
This.
71
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,040
Oh... no.
72
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,209
Oh, I'm sorry.
73
00:02:20,210 --> 00:02:22,250
You can use my typewriter
anytime you want.
74
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:25,330
Brand-new ribbon.
75
00:02:25,329 --> 00:02:27,709
♪ ♪
76
00:02:32,379 --> 00:02:34,829
Damn. It's definitely broken.
77
00:02:34,829 --> 00:02:37,249
They said it would cost more
to fix than to buy a new one.
78
00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:38,920
That sucks.
79
00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:38,920
I know.
80
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,000
We've been through
so much together.
81
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,040
Got me through high school,
gave me my first e-mail address,
82
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,079
saw me through my
Asian girl phase,
83
00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,459
my big-butt phase,
84
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,120
my big-butt Asian girl phase.
85
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,670
Who knows where you
would have taken me next?
86
00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:56,620
Long-haul lady truckers.
87
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,290
Man, I was gonna apply to art
school with that computer.
88
00:03:01,289 --> 00:03:02,419
Where am I gonna
get the money?
89
00:03:02,419 --> 00:03:04,079
How much you got in
your savings account?
90
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,380
About 40 grand,
but I'm saving up for a yacht.
91
00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:08,419
Well, that doesn't
seem like a...
92
00:03:08,419 --> 00:03:09,249
I don't have a savings account,
93
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,250
all right?
94
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:11,670
They charge $20
95
00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:13,289
every time
your balance goes below $200.
96
00:03:13,289 --> 00:03:16,169
And right now my balance is...
97
00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:18,380
nine.
98
00:03:18,379 --> 00:03:19,919
You really should save
some money.
99
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,880
How? I make minimum wage.
100
00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:24,289
You know, minimum wage
is not a livable wage.
101
00:03:24,289 --> 00:03:25,879
And I know that from experience,
102
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:28,749
because I chanted it
at a Bernie rally.
103
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,790
Listen, Frank, I wish I could
pay you more than minimum wage,
104
00:03:31,789 --> 00:03:33,749
but, uh, I afraid
that's all I can afford.
105
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,620
Dude, I'm not asking
for a raise, all right?
106
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:38,330
I just, uh... I guess
I got to find a second job.
107
00:03:38,329 --> 00:03:41,329
But lucky for you,
I've got more gigs
108
00:03:41,329 --> 00:03:43,539
coming in than I can handle.
109
00:03:43,539 --> 00:03:47,419
How do you feel about
digging pet graves?
110
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:50,000
Franco,
I'm looking to hire
111
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,000
a part-time assistant
to work nights.
112
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,830
What kind of pets
we talking about?
113
00:03:54,829 --> 00:03:56,329
No, come on,
you don't need another job.
114
00:03:56,329 --> 00:03:58,379
All you need to do is learn
to live on what you make.
115
00:03:58,379 --> 00:03:59,579
You got a budget?
116
00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:01,499
Yeah, I keep it down
in my condo in Florida.
117
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,080
No, I don't have a budget.
118
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,880
I'm 25. My budget is
breakfast, lunch or dinner.
119
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:07,709
I'm gonna make one up for you.
You'll see.
120
00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:08,880
If you're smart
with your money, you can
121
00:04:08,879 --> 00:04:10,829
definitely support
yourself on minimum wage.
122
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:11,830
Mm-hmm.
123
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,790
All right, but if
you change your mind,
124
00:04:13,789 --> 00:04:16,209
I have to bury a
zoo bear tonight.
125
00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,830
Definitely a
two-man operation.
126
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,880
Damn this city.
127
00:04:26,879 --> 00:04:27,999
What's wrong?
128
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,750
Nobody's breaking the law.
129
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:33,380
How am I supposed
to win this contest
130
00:04:33,379 --> 00:04:36,289
if I can't write any tickets?
131
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:38,620
Ah, look at this guy.
132
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:42,040
He just parked legally,
fed the meter.
133
00:04:43,379 --> 00:04:45,379
Now he's feeding
someone else's meter.
134
00:04:46,379 --> 00:04:48,749
What a little bitch.
135
00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:50,880
Here, let's see.
136
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,420
Actually, I see
three violations.
137
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,540
Where?
138
00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,830
Well, there's unlawful
obstruction of a gas meter,
139
00:04:57,829 --> 00:04:59,539
consumption of food
or drink on a bus,
140
00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:02,880
and improper number of
riders on a bicycle.
141
00:05:02,879 --> 00:05:04,669
Wow.
142
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:07,500
Did you memorize
every single code in the book?
143
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,620
(laughing):
Of course.
144
00:05:11,959 --> 00:05:14,249
You-you...
you didn't?
145
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:17,500
No. I'm attractive,
and people like me.
146
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,290
Now come on. I got
money to win.
147
00:05:22,290 --> 00:05:23,620
Hey, kid, all done
with your budget.
148
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:26,620
And you'll be happy to know I
found a way to make it all work.
149
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:28,290
All right, cool.
150
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:31,830
Wait. $40 a week for food?
151
00:05:31,829 --> 00:05:34,169
That's pretty high, huh?
152
00:05:31,829 --> 00:05:34,169
Uh...
153
00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:36,500
How am I gonna eat on $40?!
154
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:37,790
Well, just do what I do.
155
00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:41,000
Every weekend, I fry up
two pounds of ground beef.
156
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,120
Sunday is Taco Night.
157
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,120
Monday, it's Sloppy Joes.
158
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,040
Tuesday, it's
spaghetti. (laughs)
159
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,500
Wednesday, it's Fiesta Night!
160
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,920
Wait. Wait. Isn't that
just Taco Night again?
161
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,040
SÃ, señor.
162
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,580
Damn it! Randy just
wrote me a ticket
163
00:05:55,579 --> 00:05:58,999
for giving my wife a ride
on my bicycle!
164
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,380
Look, Arthur, look, I appreciate
165
00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:02,499
you making this budget, man,
but, uh, I'm young.
166
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,000
I want to have fun
every once in a while.
167
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,670
Yeah, well, sometimes
you have to make choices.
168
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,330
Besides, there's fun in there.
169
00:06:08,329 --> 00:06:11,329
You get to fry up
ground beef all weekend.
170
00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:14,499
Fawz, look, are you still
looking for a new assistant?
171
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,830
'Cause I can
172
00:06:15,829 --> 00:06:17,749
start there as soon as I'm done
with my shift over here.
173
00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,620
Great.
174
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:21,710
No, wait. Wait a minute.
Are you crazy?
175
00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:23,669
You can't work for Fawz.
You know what he is.
176
00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:25,620
Yeah, he's a greedy,
ruthless capitalist
177
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:27,580
who would bleed people dry
to make a buck.
178
00:06:27,579 --> 00:06:29,579
Maya, stop!
179
00:06:29,579 --> 00:06:31,379
I'm blushing.
180
00:06:31,379 --> 00:06:34,419
Hey, believe me, kid.
Uh-uh, don't do that.
181
00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,620
Oh, you're offering me
a raise?
182
00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,620
No...
183
00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:38,540
Then don't tell me
I can't take a second job.
184
00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:40,880
Right now
Fawz is my only choice.
185
00:06:40,879 --> 00:06:42,709
So, hey, when can I start?
186
00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:45,329
Hey, come by the dry cleaners
when you're done here.
187
00:06:45,329 --> 00:06:46,959
We can discuss
the terms.
188
00:06:45,329 --> 00:06:46,959
All right.
189
00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:48,499
Now, if you'll excuse me,
190
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,330
I'm gonna go fire
my current assistant.
191
00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:53,919
Hey, Francisco, you're fired!
192
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,710
Right after you drive me
to lunch.
193
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:58,119
Oh, this is gonna be
a long ride.
194
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,330
I should've
thought this through.
195
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,579
Welcome to Fawz headquarters.
196
00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:14,039
Oh, this is pretty
disappointing, man.
197
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,620
I thought your office
would be underground
198
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:17,830
and filled with evil henchman
and crocodiles.
199
00:07:17,829 --> 00:07:19,499
I know it doesn't
look like much,
200
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,120
but first rule of business:
keep your overhead low.
201
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,290
Besides, it has
everything I need--
202
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,670
a phone, a desk,
and it's quiet.
203
00:07:27,670 --> 00:07:30,330
(rattling)
204
00:07:30,329 --> 00:07:31,959
You get used to it!
205
00:07:30,329 --> 00:07:31,959
What?!
206
00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:34,789
You get used to it!
207
00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:36,670
Yo, thanks for
the opportunity, dude.
208
00:07:36,670 --> 00:07:39,540
Franco, I came to America
209
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:44,420
with three dollars
and this eagle.
210
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,380
And I built all this
from nothing.
211
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:50,999
And because I came from nothing,
I'm very good to my employees.
212
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,460
Have a seat.
213
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,460
Cool.
214
00:07:52,459 --> 00:07:53,789
Would you like some tea?
215
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:54,790
Yeah, sure.
216
00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,790
(speaking Arabic)
217
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:02,329
(speaking Arabic)
218
00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:03,709
(Fawz speaking Arabic)
219
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,120
My mother-in-law.
220
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,710
All right, cool, man.
221
00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:13,669
Um, so what would I have to do?
222
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:15,580
Well, at first,
you can drive me around,
223
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,079
maybe run some errands.
224
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:19,879
But the more you learn,
the more I'll give you to do.
225
00:08:19,879 --> 00:08:21,209
You'll be my right-hand man.
226
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,669
Word? All right, okay.
227
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,790
So, what about the pay?
228
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:25,000
Ah. (laughs)
229
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,750
Open for negotiation.
230
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,580
Tell me...
231
00:08:28,579 --> 00:08:29,999
what does
Arthur pay you?
232
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,750
$10.50 an hour.
233
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,750
(imitates buzzer)
234
00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:35,250
First lesson-- never
reveal your current salary.
235
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,880
Now I could offer you
$10.75, and you'd take it.
236
00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:39,669
I'll take it.
237
00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:39,669
(imitates buzzer)
238
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:43,249
Now you counter-offer,
but when you do, go high.
239
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:44,580
$20 an hour.
240
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:45,830
(laughs)
241
00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:47,210
Opening with a joke.
242
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,580
Very good.
243
00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:49,830
All right, $15.
244
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,080
(imitates buzzer)
245
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,250
I never responded!
246
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:55,040
Never negotiate
against yourself.
247
00:08:55,039 --> 00:08:58,709
And always be willing
to walk away, like so.
248
00:09:04,039 --> 00:09:07,039
Fawz? Fawz, is that a yes?
249
00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:10,579
That's a no!
250
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,540
Always keep them
on their toes.
251
00:09:13,539 --> 00:09:15,419
$13, my final offer.
252
00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,539
$13.50.
253
00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,539
Done.
254
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,119
All right.
255
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,119
And one more thing.
256
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,620
Mm-hmm.
257
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,620
You're gonna work for me,
you have to wear a suit.
258
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:21,790
We run a classy
operation here.
259
00:09:21,789 --> 00:09:23,619
Man, I ain't got money
to buy a suit.
260
00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:25,670
Not a problem.
What are you-- a 34 short?
261
00:09:25,669 --> 00:09:26,879
Mm-hmm.
262
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:36,620
There you go.
263
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:36,620
All right.
264
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,380
Won't they need this back?
265
00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:41,329
Uh... not until Thursday.
266
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:48,960
Randy, you are so
gonna win this contest.
267
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,670
I just gave a guy a ticket
for loitering.
268
00:09:50,669 --> 00:09:53,119
He threw it on the ground.
I gave him one for littering.
269
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,210
Wow. You are on fire.
270
00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:58,380
Get back out there
and beat your record.
271
00:09:58,379 --> 00:10:00,079
Okay. Well, wait a minute.
272
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,580
Why aren't you out there?
273
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:04,120
'Cause you're doing
such a great job.
274
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,420
You know, if I'm gonna do
all the work,
275
00:10:06,419 --> 00:10:08,419
maybe I'll just enter
the contest myself.
276
00:10:08,419 --> 00:10:10,709
Oh, no, you can't do that.
We're partners.
277
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:13,750
Yeah? Well, you weren't gonna
share the money with me.
278
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,920
Well,
what do you need money for?
279
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:18,579
Your next trip to Comic-Con?
280
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,670
Or, uh, Star Trek-Con?
281
00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:23,619
Or Virgin-Con?
282
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,420
Oh, I'm just kidding.
283
00:10:25,419 --> 00:10:27,749
They're all virgin-cons.
284
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:29,460
Well, good luck, okay?
285
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:32,620
Because no one knows their way
around the penal code like I do.
286
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:34,000
I'm the penal master.
The penal...
287
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,420
Stop saying "penal."
288
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:39,789
Until I can get my body cam on.
Go.
289
00:10:41,789 --> 00:10:44,079
What's up, y'all?
290
00:10:41,789 --> 00:10:44,079
ARTHUR:
Oh!
291
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,670
You survived your first
night with Fawz, huh?
292
00:10:46,669 --> 00:10:47,789
I want all the gory details.
293
00:10:47,789 --> 00:10:49,829
Uh, don't, don't start.
294
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,880
Not until I get a cup of coffee.
295
00:10:52,879 --> 00:10:54,709
God, I wish I still smoked.
296
00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:55,920
Hit me.
297
00:10:55,919 --> 00:10:58,119
(laughs) Actually,
it was pretty interesting.
298
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,920
Fawz is teaching me so much.
299
00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:03,669
Well, that was a waste.
300
00:11:03,669 --> 00:11:05,709
Are we talking
about the same Fawz?
301
00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:08,080
Racist, misogynist, sexy?
302
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,000
Uh, I think you mean "sexist"?
303
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,580
I really need to get laid.
304
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,420
I'm telling y'all,
Fawz is a smart businessman.
305
00:11:16,419 --> 00:11:18,709
He actually taught me
to negotiate my own salary.
306
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,540
Now I'm making $13.50 an hour.
307
00:11:20,539 --> 00:11:22,879
Wow, Franco, that's great.
308
00:11:22,879 --> 00:11:24,329
How is he able
to pay you all that?
309
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:25,380
Well, he's always thinking
of ways to cut costs
310
00:11:25,379 --> 00:11:26,499
so we can bring in more money.
311
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,670
You know, you should talk
to him, man.
312
00:11:27,669 --> 00:11:28,749
He could give you some advice
313
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:29,920
and help you make this place
more efficient.
314
00:11:31,289 --> 00:11:33,209
Good morning, my protégé.
315
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,580
Or should I say, brotégé.
(chuckles)
316
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:38,290
I brought you a suit
for tonight.
317
00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:40,209
Mr. Yakamora is on a cruise,
318
00:11:40,210 --> 00:11:43,960
so you can hold onto this one
for eight more days.
319
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,120
Domo.
320
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,290
Arigato.
321
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,079
(laughs)
Hey, look.
322
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,120
Fawz says you have
to dress for the job you want.
323
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:54,290
And apparently I want to be
a tiny Japanese businessman.
324
00:11:54,289 --> 00:11:56,919
Well, if Fawz says so,
it must be true.
325
00:11:58,539 --> 00:12:00,539
Sayonara.
326
00:12:01,830 --> 00:12:04,040
Maybe it's a bald thing.
327
00:12:04,039 --> 00:12:06,039
(clears throat)
328
00:12:07,379 --> 00:12:09,539
Nope, definitely
not a bald thing.
329
00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:23,120
Hey, Tush, what you doing?
330
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,540
I'm rehearsing for my TED Talk.
331
00:12:24,539 --> 00:12:27,119
You're doing a TED Talk?
332
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,540
Not the fancy kind.
333
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:32,209
This woman pays me
to talk to her husband, Ted.
334
00:12:33,789 --> 00:12:35,879
He's depressed, I tell him
stories about my life,
335
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:38,329
and for some reason,
it cheers him up.
336
00:12:39,789 --> 00:12:41,879
Arthur, I need to borrow Franco
for a meeting.
337
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:43,079
I hope that's okay.
338
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,170
Wait, who are we meeting?
339
00:12:44,169 --> 00:12:45,749
The president of Fast Lube.
340
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,170
Oh, that's a big company.
341
00:12:47,169 --> 00:12:49,619
Yeah. If I can get my hand
on those greasy jumpsuits,
342
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:53,120
my bank account will be fatter
than Mahira Moghadam.
343
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,290
(laughs)
344
00:12:54,289 --> 00:12:56,039
She's like the Precious
of Iraq.
345
00:12:56,039 --> 00:12:58,789
Oh.
346
00:12:58,789 --> 00:13:00,539
Yo, Arthur, is that cool?
347
00:13:00,539 --> 00:13:02,829
No, it's not cool. We don't
close for another 30 minutes.
348
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,420
Man, come on, Arthur, there's,
like, three people here.
349
00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:07,119
It doesn't matter,
you're still on the clock.
350
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,790
Well, I'll come in
early tomorrow, all right?
351
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,749
You heard Fawz,
this is a big meeting,
352
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:11,830
and he needs me.
353
00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:12,750
Wait a minute,
you're just gonna leave?
354
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,580
Well, Arthur, you said
it yourself, man,
355
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,250
sometimes you got
to make choices.
356
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:18,120
Come on, after the meeting,
we'll drink tea
357
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,330
and play Guess That Stain.
358
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:24,829
(groans)
359
00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:26,250
Arthur.
360
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:27,750
What is going on?
361
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:29,210
Last week you let
him leave early
362
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:30,710
'cause he wanted
to watch a marathon
363
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:34,000
of
Diff'rent Strokes.
364
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,580
Look, I'm his boss. He shouldn't
talk to me that way.
365
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:38,210
Uh-huh. Is it that?
366
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:40,290
Or might you be
just a little jealous
367
00:13:40,289 --> 00:13:41,959
because he's cheating on you
368
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,750
with another
older business owner?
369
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:46,750
Now you're just being crazy.
370
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,170
You know, it's okay to admit
371
00:13:48,169 --> 00:13:50,579
you want to be the guy
that Franco looks up to.
372
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,670
Oh, come on.
373
00:13:51,669 --> 00:13:53,119
He doesn't look up to Fawz.
374
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,670
He's just blinded by the money.
375
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,579
Money he really needs.
376
00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:59,880
Yeah, I know.
377
00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:01,879
Arthur, you've been doing
the same thing around here
378
00:14:01,879 --> 00:14:03,209
for 40 years.
379
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,420
Maybe it's time to look
at your own budget.
380
00:14:05,419 --> 00:14:08,329
Try to find a way to
give Franco a raise.
381
00:14:09,669 --> 00:14:12,919
You mean I have to get rid
of Fiesta Wednesdays?
382
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,749
Aw,
Dios mÃo.
383
00:14:16,919 --> 00:14:18,619
I'm talking about the shop.
384
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:22,040
There's got to be ways
to cut some corners around here.
385
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,500
Excellent choice.
386
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,670
You sure?
387
00:14:28,669 --> 00:14:30,039
This ain't too Ben Carson?
388
00:14:30,039 --> 00:14:32,829
Can anything be
too Ben Carson?
389
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,210
Franco, you have been doing
a great job around here.
390
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:37,540
So great that I would like
to give you a promotion.
391
00:14:37,539 --> 00:14:38,709
Yeah?
392
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,920
How does vice president
of operations sound?
393
00:14:40,919 --> 00:14:42,539
Get the-- yo!
(laughs)
394
00:14:42,539 --> 00:14:43,789
Sounds like
the president of operations
395
00:14:43,789 --> 00:14:45,079
better watch his back.
396
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,080
That's me.
397
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,080
Oh.
398
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,290
Well, you know what, man?
399
00:14:48,289 --> 00:14:50,289
I, thank you, man,
this is dope as hell.
400
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,539
Well, listen, Fawz Al-Shahrani
is a big believer
401
00:14:52,539 --> 00:14:53,919
in diversity and inclusion.
402
00:14:53,919 --> 00:14:55,709
And you can quote me on that.
403
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,620
Okay.
404
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,620
Oh, here they are.
405
00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:59,750
Go ahead, quote me on that.
(clears throat)
406
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,120
Hey, Fawz.
407
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,920
Franco Wicks, meet
Marcus Brooks, the president
408
00:15:03,919 --> 00:15:06,119
of Fast Lube,
and his associates.
409
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,830
Nice to meet you, Franco.
410
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,170
Yeah.
411
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:10,379
That's it?
412
00:15:10,379 --> 00:15:12,619
I thought that handshake
would have more steps.
413
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,080
Uh, d-- uh...
414
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,170
Excuse us.
415
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:16,499
Can I talk to you for a minute?
416
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:16,499
Yeah.
417
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,830
Yeah?
418
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,830
What? Okay.
419
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,960
This is why you hired me? Huh?
420
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,960
(mechanical whirring)
421
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,380
(arguing indistinctly)
422
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:29,879
Because you're all black!
423
00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:35,000
Is a great color on you, wow.
424
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,000
Slimming.
(chuckles)
425
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,250
Where have you been?
426
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:51,670
Out kicking your ass.
427
00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:54,829
I just wrote 15 tickets
in three hours.
428
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,420
I stood outside Wrigley Field
429
00:15:56,419 --> 00:15:57,789
and picked off the
public urinators
430
00:15:57,789 --> 00:16:00,669
one by one.
431
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:02,789
Who's the penal expert now?
432
00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:03,999
(chuckles)
433
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,880
Damn.
434
00:16:05,879 --> 00:16:07,879
Yep, and that contest ends
in five minutes.
435
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,999
I got a three-ticket lead.
436
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,210
Sorry, nerd.
437
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:13,000
Cool kids win again.
438
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:16,120
Morning.
439
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,330
ARTHUR:
Morning.
440
00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:18,620
How was the meeting?
441
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:20,210
Did you learn a lot?
442
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,880
You could say that.
443
00:16:21,879 --> 00:16:24,579
Hey, you guys are out of paper
towels in the ladies' room.
444
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:26,920
I got it.
445
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:26,920
No, no. Uh...
446
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,119
Uh, we're not doing that
anymore.
447
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,880
It's too expensive.
448
00:16:29,879 --> 00:16:32,709
What?
449
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:34,460
Did you see the bath towel
I put in there?
450
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,290
Oh. So that's a communal towel,
451
00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:39,459
that's as clean as
the dirtiest person who used it.
452
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:40,880
You know what,
I'll just air-dry.
453
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,079
All right, Arthur.
454
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,040
I'm here to settle my tab.
455
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:49,669
Here's some change,
456
00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:52,829
separated by denomination
and country of origin.
457
00:16:54,379 --> 00:16:56,619
Should be about twenty bucks,
based on exchange rates
458
00:16:56,620 --> 00:17:00,460
and a possible coup
in Venezuela.
459
00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:04,830
And there's 19 bucks left
on this Circuit City gift card.
460
00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:07,619
They went out of business
five years ago.
461
00:17:07,619 --> 00:17:10,709
You could've just said no.
462
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:12,080
Arthur, what are you doing?
463
00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:13,829
Just asked Tush
to pay up his tab.
464
00:17:13,829 --> 00:17:15,039
Why you doing that?
465
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:18,039
Just a little belt-tightening
around here, that's all.
466
00:17:18,039 --> 00:17:19,999
Yeah, Arthur's
trying to cut back a little
467
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,380
so he can give you a raise.
468
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:25,500
Right. I realize you can't live
on ground beef alone.
469
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:28,420
Okay, thank you, but I don't
want you changing this place.
470
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:29,620
You don't?
471
00:17:29,619 --> 00:17:31,459
What about all that stuff
you learned from Fawz
472
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:33,250
about how to be
a good businessman?
473
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,250
(scoffs) Turns out
Fawz was just using me
474
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,670
so he can bring in
more "urban clientele."
475
00:17:37,670 --> 00:17:39,000
You know what I really learned
from Fawz
476
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,290
is that that dude
would do anything for money.
477
00:17:41,289 --> 00:17:43,079
And I like that you won't.
478
00:17:43,079 --> 00:17:44,999
I mean,
having Tush run his tab here
479
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,920
is what makes Superior Donuts
what it is.
480
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,250
And you can't put a price
on personal hygiene.
481
00:17:50,250 --> 00:17:52,330
I don't like it
any more than you do.
482
00:17:52,329 --> 00:17:54,289
So that's a yes on the tab?
Great.
483
00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:56,119
I just don't want you
484
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,119
working for Fawz, that's all.
485
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,119
Dude, I... Trust me,
486
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,329
I would love to quit.
487
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,209
But right now
I need the extra money.
488
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,920
Unbelievable.
489
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,460
My car was parked legally,
490
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:07,920
and you still give me
three tickets?
491
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,750
No, I didn't.
492
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:11,380
I did.
493
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,790
And we're officially tied.
494
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,120
Unlawfully tinted windows.
495
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:18,499
No front plate.
496
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:19,960
Oversized rims.
497
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,000
Mark my words,
you will live to regret this.
498
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:26,000
And threatening
a police officer.
499
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,960
That is nerds FTW,
500
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,790
which means "nerds for the win."
501
00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:33,959
Which you would know
if you weren't so cool.
502
00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:37,120
Damn.
503
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:40,249
I still got two minutes
before the contest ends.
504
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,580
Hey! You must be doing meth.
505
00:18:44,579 --> 00:18:47,419
Nobody's that skinny in Chicago.
506
00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:51,249
Hey, Fawz.
507
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:53,040
Maybe I can help you.
508
00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:55,619
How'd you like to park your car
in my space in the alley?
509
00:18:55,619 --> 00:18:57,119
That would be amazing.
510
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:58,379
Thank you, Arthur.
511
00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:00,000
No, I-I don't mean for free.
512
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,420
I mean, um,
maybe I could rent it to you.
513
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:05,540
Yeah, um...
514
00:19:05,539 --> 00:19:08,459
Fawz, how much are you spending
a month on parking tickets?
515
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:09,830
Uh, $300.
516
00:19:09,829 --> 00:19:11,119
(imitates buzzer, chuckles)
517
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,119
Now I can charge you $250,
and you'd take it.
518
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,169
I'll take it.
519
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:15,920
(imitates buzzer) $275.
520
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,120
Are you crazy?
521
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,669
Oh, well, I guess
I'll just walk away.
522
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,669
Yep.
523
00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:22,540
You know, Shelly's Nails
has been begging me
524
00:19:22,539 --> 00:19:24,079
to rent that space.
525
00:19:22,539 --> 00:19:24,079
Oh, really? Shelly?
526
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:24,999
Shelly would love the spot.
527
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:24,999
Yeah.
528
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,500
Okay, okay. $275.
529
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,000
BOTH:
Deal.
530
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,460
Well, Franco,
you just got a raise.
531
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,000
$275 a month.
532
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,460
Thank you, Arthur.
533
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,460
You're quite welcome.
534
00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:36,120
All right. And, Fawz,
535
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:37,749
with all due respect,
536
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:41,170
kiss my black ass. I quit.
537
00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:43,670
I am so mad at you right now!
538
00:19:43,670 --> 00:19:45,040
But also proud.
539
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,250
Of how you screwed me over!
540
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,920
Which was masterful.
541
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:53,120
But I will get my revenge!
542
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:54,079
Okay, bye.
543
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:03,960
There you are. I can see
those big, beautiful eyes
544
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,960
on my new computer.
Can you see me?
545
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,040
I can see you fine.
546
00:20:09,039 --> 00:20:11,039
Hey, yo, thanks
for the raise, dude.
547
00:20:11,039 --> 00:20:12,829
This new laptop is better
than my first one.
548
00:20:12,829 --> 00:20:14,499
Well, I'm happy to do it.
549
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,080
This Skyping is amazing.
550
00:20:16,079 --> 00:20:17,039
I know, right?
551
00:20:17,039 --> 00:20:18,289
Hey, hold the phone up, man.
552
00:20:18,289 --> 00:20:19,789
I'm getting nothing
but your nose hair.
553
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:27,580
(groans) Randy,
am I walking funny?
554
00:20:27,579 --> 00:20:31,079
Because my pocket's feeling
about $800 heavier.
555
00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:34,079
Go on, have at it.
556
00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:36,079
You won.
557
00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:36,079
Yeah.
558
00:20:36,079 --> 00:20:37,579
Actually,
you'll be happy to know
559
00:20:37,579 --> 00:20:39,959
that I'm giving half my winnings
to a good cause:
560
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,830
your daughter's college fund.
561
00:20:41,829 --> 00:20:44,289
Oh, James.
562
00:20:44,289 --> 00:20:45,999
You don't have to do that.
563
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,040
Well, like you said.
564
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,459
We're partners.
565
00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:53,420
But I was so mean to you
all week.
566
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,540
I feel terrible.
567
00:20:55,539 --> 00:20:57,169
Then it was all worth it.
36877