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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,620
2
00:00:03,620 --> 00:00:06,250
(laughing):
Arthur, did you see your sign?
3
00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:08,120
You're kidding me.
They got me again?
4
00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:09,329
Got what?
5
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:12,170
Oh, every spring,
those senior girls
6
00:00:12,169 --> 00:00:15,329
from Blessed Heart, they mess
with my Superior Donuts sign.
7
00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:17,380
It's a classic prank.
8
00:00:17,379 --> 00:00:19,619
They unplug some letters
so it says "Super Nuts."
9
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,960
(Franco laughs)
10
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,580
"Super nuts" can also
mean huge balls.
11
00:00:24,579 --> 00:00:26,499
(laughs)
12
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:27,920
Hilarious!
13
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,170
Actually, it's a tradition.
14
00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:32,750
When I was a senior
at Blessed Heart, I did it.
15
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:37,000
And by "did it,"
I mean started it.
16
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,540
That's cute.
17
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,789
Couple schoolgirls do it,
it's a prank.
18
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,669
I do it, it's a felony.
19
00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:45,460
(chuckling):
Did you guys see the sign?
20
00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:48,170
I know it's wrong, but I'm a
sucker for a good ball joke.
21
00:00:50,420 --> 00:00:52,500
Why do they always
hit my shop, huh?
22
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:55,500
"Buttons and Stuff"
right down the street, huh?
23
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,670
You got it?
Butt stuff.
24
00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:03,040
Every year he gets
so upset.
25
00:01:03,039 --> 00:01:04,499
It's a harmless prank,
26
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:05,880
like the time I passed out,
27
00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:07,749
and my brother wrote
"loser" on my forehead
28
00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,330
in permanent marker.
29
00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:10,879
I had just lost my job,
30
00:01:10,879 --> 00:01:14,329
so it really did a number
on me emotionally.
31
00:01:14,329 --> 00:01:16,619
But at the end of the day
it was funny.
32
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,540
To him.
33
00:01:18,539 --> 00:01:21,249
I miss my pranking days.
34
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:25,500
Yesterday you filled
my holster with pudding.
35
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:29,500
(laughing):
Yeah. I miss yesterday.
36
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,580
Oh, Arthur,
37
00:01:31,579 --> 00:01:33,249
please don't tell me
you're about to climb that.
38
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,120
ARTHUR:
Why not?
39
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,120
Because you're 75.
40
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,960
You're pretty much made
of eggshells and nose hair.
41
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,920
Oh, come on,
what are you talking about?
42
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,620
I got this.
Here, take a look.
43
00:01:40,620 --> 00:01:43,170
(grunting, joints cracking)
44
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,170
Want to hop on my
back, smart guy, huh?
45
00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:46,210
I could do this all day.
46
00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:47,540
Please stop.
47
00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:48,789
Your knees sound like someone
48
00:01:48,789 --> 00:01:50,079
biting into a Kit Kat.
49
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,460
Arthur, just let Franco
fix the sign.
50
00:01:54,460 --> 00:01:57,290
Yeah, it's why you
hired one of them.
51
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:01,210
What? A helper.
52
00:02:01,209 --> 00:02:03,289
Okay, stop being proud
and give me the ladder.
53
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,880
All right, all
right, fine.
54
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,880
Okay.
55
00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:06,169
Just take 'em out
of the plugs.
56
00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:07,830
Unplug plugs.
57
00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:07,830
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
58
00:02:07,829 --> 00:02:09,169
You'll figure it out
when you get up there.
59
00:02:07,829 --> 00:02:09,169
Yes, yes.
60
00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:10,829
There's no shame
in accepting help.
61
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,460
It doesn't mean you're old,
just that you're wiser.
62
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:16,250
Which is another word for old.
63
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:18,790
No, you wouldn't believe
how many emergency calls
64
00:02:18,789 --> 00:02:20,379
start out with someone
getting on a ladder
65
00:02:20,379 --> 00:02:22,459
to put up their
Christmas lights.
66
00:02:24,789 --> 00:02:26,459
Do you remember that guy?
67
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,710
He grabbed a strand of lights
68
00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:31,670
and got electrocuted
before hanging himself.
69
00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:34,580
His family is Jewish now.
70
00:02:34,579 --> 00:02:35,789
(Franco cries out)
71
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,039
Franco!
72
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:40,920
What happened?
73
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,330
Are you all right?
74
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,330
You all right?
75
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,789
I think I twisted my ankle.
(groans)
76
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,249
FAWZ:
Oh, my God!
77
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,710
(laughing):
"Superior Nuts."
78
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:50,790
Which could also mean
79
00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:53,419
the finest testicles.
80
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:59,670
He's hurt.
I'm healing with laughter.
81
00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:09,209
♪ ♪
82
00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:10,420
ARTHUR:
Oh, there he is.
83
00:03:10,419 --> 00:03:12,079
What'd they say
about your ankle?
84
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,460
Well, he said
I should ice it, wrap it up,
85
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:17,330
and check out the sale
on Easter candy.
86
00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:19,119
Your doctor sells candy?
87
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,420
No, it was a security guard
at Walgreens.
88
00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:25,250
And he gave me this
from the lost and found.
89
00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:27,420
Well, I think it makes you look
very distinguished.
90
00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:31,290
Throw on a monocle, you'll look
just like Mr. Peanut.
91
00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:33,789
Oh, I'm sorry, is that racist?
92
00:03:33,789 --> 00:03:35,669
Why would that be racist?
93
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:38,000
I don't know,
it just felt wrong.
94
00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:43,209
Maya, is Mr. Peanut black?
95
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:45,920
You asked me that yesterday,
and the answer is still
96
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,210
stop asking me that.
97
00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:49,920
Franco, why don't you go
see a doctor?
98
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,670
Well, funny thing is,
99
00:03:51,670 --> 00:03:54,330
doctors would like you
to have money or insurance.
100
00:03:54,329 --> 00:03:55,289
And I got neither.
101
00:03:55,289 --> 00:03:57,119
Arthur, are you telling me
102
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,080
you don't have a health plan
for your employees?
103
00:03:59,079 --> 00:04:01,169
Employee.
It's very expensive
104
00:04:01,169 --> 00:04:03,209
for a small business to do that.
105
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,750
I'd have to raise
the price of the donuts
106
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:06,710
from 89 cents to a buck 20.
107
00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:09,960
Suck it up, Franco,
you're on your own.
108
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,420
Come on, man,
I'm used to this.
109
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,419
When you grow up broke,
you can't just run to the doctor
110
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,959
every time you sneeze.
111
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,120
You couldn't afford
to go to the doctor?
112
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,210
What did your therapist say?
113
00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:23,540
I'm just gonna sit down.
114
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:25,290
I don't need a doctor,
all right?
115
00:04:25,290 --> 00:04:26,920
I got my Grandma Cici.
116
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,540
You know, she's the queen
of home remedies.
117
00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:30,750
You got a cold, she gives you
whiskey and lemon.
118
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,290
All right,
if you got an ear infection,
119
00:04:32,290 --> 00:04:34,330
she blows cigarette smoke
in your ear.
120
00:04:34,329 --> 00:04:38,169
So, basically, you grew up
in a casino.
121
00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:40,210
I feel terrible, you know?
122
00:04:40,209 --> 00:04:41,499
I-I wish I was in a position
123
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:42,670
to offer you insurance.
124
00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:44,580
Yeah, it's tough
not having insurance.
125
00:04:44,579 --> 00:04:46,579
I lost mine when
they shut down the factory.
126
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:48,579
Took me three years
to pay off a kidney stone
127
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,499
that was clogging up
the old pistol.
128
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,540
(strained exhale)
129
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:55,040
It's ridiculous.
You know we're one
130
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,330
of the only developed
countries
131
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,079
that doesn't offer
universal health care?
132
00:04:58,079 --> 00:05:02,499
Oh, boo-hoo.
133
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,460
I'm playing the
world's tiniest
rababa.
134
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,380
It is an Iraqi violin.
135
00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:11,119
Very sad.
Very sad.
136
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:14,380
You're saying you don't offer
your employees health care?
137
00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:17,379
American workers get
everything handed to them.
138
00:05:17,379 --> 00:05:20,579
Sick days, and time off
to have a baby. Ha!
139
00:05:20,579 --> 00:05:22,459
In Iraq, if you go into labor,
140
00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:25,499
you hold it in until lunch.
141
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:30,710
And the baby finishes
the day out in the mailroom.
142
00:05:30,709 --> 00:05:31,959
Hey, wait a second,
wait a second.
143
00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:33,379
I just realized,
144
00:05:33,379 --> 00:05:34,579
when I hired you,
145
00:05:34,579 --> 00:05:36,539
I had to get
workman's comp insurance.
146
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,580
You got hurt on the job,
so you should be covered.
147
00:05:38,579 --> 00:05:40,709
No, no, no, I don't want this
to cost you anything.
148
00:05:40,709 --> 00:05:42,379
No, no, no, no, it's not
gonna cost me anything.
149
00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:43,539
I already paid for it.
150
00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:47,080
Well, uh...
151
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,499
since you already paid for it,
152
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,170
I guess it does hurt
so bad that I want to die.
153
00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:51,460
Uh-huh.
154
00:05:51,459 --> 00:05:54,499
You know what my
workman's comp is?
155
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,540
Telling whoever's hurt
156
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,210
that there are seven
people in line
157
00:05:57,209 --> 00:05:59,619
that would do their job
for half the price.
158
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:03,120
Fawz, you would have made
a great plantation owner, man.
159
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,920
Thank you.
160
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,580
Wait a minute.
161
00:06:06,579 --> 00:06:08,619
Thank you.
162
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,420
(sighs): Yes, Grandma,
I drank the vinegar
163
00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:17,620
and put the pennies in my shoes.
164
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,580
No, I'm not rubbing snake venom
165
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,999
and volcanic ash on my foot.
166
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,920
'Cause I don't own a snake,
Grandma.
167
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,830
Or a volcano.
168
00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:28,459
All right, Grandma. I got to go.
169
00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,919
Love you, G. Peace. Be good.
170
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,830
Franco.
171
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,830
Yeah.
172
00:06:32,829 --> 00:06:34,289
This is my insurance guy, Gary.
173
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:36,620
Oh, no introduction necessary.
174
00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:39,250
(chuckles): I'm sure he
recognizes me from my TV spots.
175
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:40,460
You know, people
are always stopping me,
176
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:43,499
trying to get me to do
my catch phrase.
177
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:44,580
It's nice to meet you, man.
178
00:06:44,579 --> 00:06:46,709
Fine, you wore me down.
179
00:06:46,709 --> 00:06:47,829
Okay.
180
00:06:47,829 --> 00:06:50,419
"When things get hairy,
call Gary."
181
00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:54,750
♪ 555-CALL-GARY. ♪
182
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:58,040
He's very inexpensive.
183
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,290
So, what happened?
184
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:00,500
Well, I fell off a ladder,
185
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:01,960
and I think I might
have broken something.
186
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:03,919
Yeah, and it was on the job,
so he's covered, right?
187
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,500
Oh, you betcha.
Yeah, it's like that plumber
188
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,580
in my commercial
who gets bopped on the noggin.
189
00:07:07,579 --> 00:07:08,919
What does he do?
190
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,790
He listens to those cartoon
birds flying above his head,
191
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:14,170
and he dials...
192
00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:18,000
♪ 555-CALL-GARY. ♪
193
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,580
Literally no one cheaper.
194
00:07:21,579 --> 00:07:23,789
Okay, so you need to fill out
these forms.
195
00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:25,460
A'ight.
196
00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:25,460
And the state of Illinois
197
00:07:25,459 --> 00:07:27,579
requires a drug test.
198
00:07:25,459 --> 00:07:27,579
For what?
199
00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:29,619
Well, to make sure you haven't
used any controlled substances
200
00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:31,210
in the past 14 days.
201
00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:34,459
Thanks for coming, Gary.
202
00:07:34,459 --> 00:07:36,249
Oh. Oh, okay.
203
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:38,620
Well, look, uh, sorry, guys.
I would look the other way,
204
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:41,620
but the attorney general
is investigating
205
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:42,960
♪ Ol' Gary. ♪
206
00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:44,619
Ooh.
207
00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:44,619
Mm-hmm.
208
00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:45,670
Damn it, kid,
209
00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:47,460
you can't even pass
the drug test.
210
00:07:47,459 --> 00:07:48,879
(scoffs):
Could you?
211
00:07:48,879 --> 00:07:50,169
I'll cancel the policy
212
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,620
if we're both going
to smoke weed.
213
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:55,420
(grunts): Man, I was really
hoping this would work out.
214
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:56,460
Me, too.
215
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:56,460
(sighs)
216
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:58,289
What the hell am I gonna do now?
217
00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,670
Man, you don't have to do
anything, all right?
218
00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:01,080
I'll be okay.
219
00:08:01,079 --> 00:08:03,079
No. You're my employee.
220
00:08:03,079 --> 00:08:04,329
I'm responsible for you.
221
00:08:03,079 --> 00:08:04,329
No.
222
00:08:04,329 --> 00:08:06,079
No. I can take care of myself.
223
00:08:06,079 --> 00:08:07,709
It's my problem.
224
00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:10,209
You know where I can find
a volcano in Chicago, though?
225
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,170
I'll just Google it.
226
00:08:20,379 --> 00:08:21,329
Okay. Whew!
227
00:08:21,329 --> 00:08:22,919
Well, y'all were right.
228
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,830
Turns out it's a little broken.
229
00:08:24,829 --> 00:08:26,329
Oh.
230
00:08:26,329 --> 00:08:28,499
Well, I'm glad
you finally went to the doctor.
231
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,290
Nah. I looked up
some symptoms online.
232
00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:33,290
Tenderness, swelling and
whenever I put weight on it,
233
00:08:33,289 --> 00:08:36,709
there's a sound like...
(screams)
234
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,500
So, um,
h-how did you get the cast?
235
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,670
Oh, it's homemade.
236
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:44,379
I used some things
I found in the kitchen.
237
00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:47,379
Look, the heel's a soup ladle.
238
00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:49,669
This is crazy, Franco.
239
00:08:49,669 --> 00:08:51,289
You have to go to a doctor.
240
00:08:51,289 --> 00:08:53,329
Randy, with the X-rays
and the extra fees,
241
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:55,290
that's gonna cost me
about a couple grand.
242
00:08:55,289 --> 00:08:56,669
What about the free clinic?
243
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:58,169
Well, I called them.
When I told them
244
00:08:58,169 --> 00:09:00,289
I had a broken foot,
they gave me an appointment.
245
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,119
In three months.
246
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,080
I think it's very resourceful.
247
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,960
Thank you, Maya. See?
248
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,580
I made it out of papier-mâché
and newspapers.
249
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:10,250
(grunts):
You want to sign it?
250
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,170
Uh-oh.
251
00:09:12,169 --> 00:09:15,499
My horoscope says that I should
stay away from Capricorns today.
252
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:16,960
Well, that's funny,
'cause I'm a Capri...
253
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,420
(screams)
254
00:09:18,419 --> 00:09:20,459
Ah, sorry.
255
00:09:18,419 --> 00:09:20,459
It's cool.
256
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,670
It's cool. I'll just, uh...
257
00:09:21,669 --> 00:09:23,459
plug it up with some dough
in the kitchen.
258
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:25,210
(grunts):
Whew!
259
00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:27,380
'Sup, James?
260
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:35,329
He's got to go to a doctor.
261
00:09:35,330 --> 00:09:36,790
Take him to yours.
262
00:09:36,789 --> 00:09:39,419
I can't.
He died eight years ago.
263
00:09:39,419 --> 00:09:41,289
W-Wait a minute.
You haven't seen a doctor
264
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,379
in eight years?
265
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:44,579
I don't need to.
I outlived my doctor.
266
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:48,579
I won.
267
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,000
I'm just gonna have to find
the money and pay for it myself.
268
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,790
Maybe you should let us help.
269
00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,829
Yeah, we could raise the money
and surprise him with it.
270
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,120
That's a great idea.
271
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,250
I do fund-raisers at school
all the time.
272
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:01,540
We could have a bake sale.
273
00:10:01,539 --> 00:10:03,329
Maya, this is a donut shop.
274
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:06,040
It's a seven-day-a-week
bake sale.
275
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,749
Right.
I'll do a GoFundMe campaign.
276
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:09,960
I can chip in.
277
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,500
I just made 200 bucks
in our office pool.
278
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,500
Every month, we guess
how many John Does
279
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,290
will be fished out of the lake.
280
00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:20,119
Six and a half, baby.
281
00:10:23,169 --> 00:10:24,579
Oh, ooh.
282
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:27,540
I could put on a magic show.
283
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:30,709
I did one for
the Police Foundation benefit.
284
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:34,540
Yeah, he put on his cape
and all the women disappeared.
285
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,250
Thank you, guys. Um, but let's
keep this between us.
286
00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,620
I mean, you know
how Franco gets. Huh?
287
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:46,040
Hey, let me get in on this.
288
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:46,040
No, that's all right, Tush.
289
00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:47,119
We know you've been
strapped lately.
290
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,620
Hardly. I've been invited
291
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:51,120
to do a clinical trial
of antidepression drugs.
292
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,670
They test them on humans
293
00:10:52,669 --> 00:10:57,539
because monkeys are too stupid
to sign the waiver.
294
00:10:57,539 --> 00:10:59,999
But not this guy.
295
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,620
Maya, nice work on the can.
296
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,290
Where'd you get such a
sad picture of Franco?
297
00:11:11,289 --> 00:11:14,459
I might've Photoshopped
some baby seal eyes on him.
298
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,000
Ah.
299
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,380
And put his head
on the body of Tiny Tim.
300
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,669
Well, here is my contribution.
301
00:11:21,669 --> 00:11:23,879
Oh, Fawz, I'm impressed.
302
00:11:23,879 --> 00:11:25,619
Oh, it's just pocket change.
303
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:28,040
From the pockets of the people
that drop off their clothes
304
00:11:28,039 --> 00:11:30,419
at my dry cleaners.
305
00:11:30,419 --> 00:11:33,789
Minus the quarters, of course.
306
00:11:33,789 --> 00:11:36,119
Hey, guys?
307
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,290
Anybody there?
308
00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:39,579
Tush, what's wrong?
309
00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:41,460
Oh, turns out that drug's
310
00:11:41,460 --> 00:11:43,620
not quite ready
for the marketplace.
311
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:46,670
I'm experiencing
some temporary blindness.
312
00:11:46,669 --> 00:11:49,209
And nausea
and enlarged breasts.
313
00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:53,080
Which sucks because
I'm too blind to check 'em out.
314
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,210
But, for Franco,
it's all worth it.
315
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,080
Okay. Thanks, Tush.
316
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,000
Oh, this is amazing.
317
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,460
We have almost $800.
318
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,170
I'm gonna match it
with yesterday's take.
319
00:12:04,169 --> 00:12:05,709
We had a good day.
320
00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:07,540
The president
made a speech.
321
00:12:07,539 --> 00:12:09,539
There was
a lot of stress-eating.
322
00:12:10,669 --> 00:12:12,289
We're almost at our goal.
323
00:12:12,289 --> 00:12:14,079
Let's keep passing
the can around.
324
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,380
Care to make a donation
for our injured friend?
325
00:12:18,379 --> 00:12:19,619
Sorry.
326
00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,210
Put ten dollars in that can,
327
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:23,330
or I'll give you a $60 ticket.
328
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,960
Your van's parked in the red.
329
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,580
It's just a little bit in there.
330
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,540
That's what my ex said.
331
00:12:29,539 --> 00:12:32,579
Nine months later, we had a kid.
332
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,580
(Franco groaning)
333
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:35,830
(whoops)
334
00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:37,620
Sorry I'm late.
335
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:41,040
My soup ladle
got caught in an escalator.
336
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:44,960
Poor bastard. Make it $20.
337
00:12:46,419 --> 00:12:47,539
(chuckles)
What was that?
338
00:12:47,539 --> 00:12:48,709
Well, you weren't supposed
339
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:49,920
to find out about
it yet, but, uh...
340
00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:51,919
Surprise!
341
00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:54,830
What is that?
342
00:12:54,830 --> 00:12:56,750
We took a collection.
There should be enough there
343
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:58,250
to cover your medical costs.
344
00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,080
Everyone contributed, even Fawz.
345
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,750
Yes, and because we are friends,
346
00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:05,920
you can pay me back
whenever you want.
347
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,579
He's not paying you back.
348
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:12,120
Okay. Then you will
owe me a favor.
349
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,540
Forget it.
I'm not taking your money.
350
00:13:14,539 --> 00:13:15,539
Why not?
351
00:13:15,539 --> 00:13:17,499
Because I'm not some
damn charity case.
352
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,120
This is embarrassing, man--
353
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,500
you Photoshopped my head
on Oliver Twist.
354
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,579
It's actually Tiny Tim.
355
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:29,670
Who cares? Stop putting
my face on sad British boys!
356
00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,499
Oh, come on, kid.
Stop being so proud.
357
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,880
We're just trying to help you.
358
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,880
Well, don't!
359
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,919
I already told you.
I didn't need your help.
360
00:13:35,919 --> 00:13:38,289
And you did it anyway.
Well, let me tell you something.
361
00:13:38,289 --> 00:13:40,499
I've been taking care of myself
since I was 16,
362
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,620
and I've been doing just fine.
363
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,750
Now if you'll excuse me,
I got to get to work.
364
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:48,710
(grunting)
365
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:52,380
See you.
366
00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:55,539
Later.
367
00:13:55,539 --> 00:13:57,419
Almost there.
368
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,419
Is he still storming out?
369
00:13:59,419 --> 00:14:01,619
Let me know
when we can talk about him.
370
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,380
Morning.
371
00:14:12,379 --> 00:14:13,879
Hey, Tush, you can see again.
372
00:14:13,879 --> 00:14:15,169
Yep. My eyes are fine.
373
00:14:15,169 --> 00:14:17,039
Having a few short-term memory
problems,
374
00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:20,209
but the good news is:
my eyes are fine.
375
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,080
Just having a few
short-term memory problems.
376
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,380
(panting): Thanks.
377
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,380
(bell rings)
378
00:14:28,379 --> 00:14:31,209
Are you kidding? Where the
hell did you get that thing?
379
00:14:31,210 --> 00:14:33,290
Well, you know that hospital
supply store on Foster Avenue?
380
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,209
Yeah.
381
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,209
Yeah, there's
a junkyard next door,
382
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:36,790
and somebody
just threw this away.
383
00:14:36,789 --> 00:14:38,039
ARTHUR:
Oh, for God's sake!
384
00:14:38,039 --> 00:14:39,789
You can't do your job
in that thing.
385
00:14:39,789 --> 00:14:40,919
Yes, I can. All right?
386
00:14:40,919 --> 00:14:43,709
(grunts)
387
00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:46,000
And I wouldn't be here if
I didn't need the money.
388
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,380
Now, who wants some coffee?
389
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:49,999
I could use one, young man.
390
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,080
All right. Coming right
up. What's up, man?
391
00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:56,079
All right. Yeah...
392
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,120
Here we go.
393
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,830
Cup of coffee.
394
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:01,710
Cup of joe.
395
00:15:01,710 --> 00:15:03,250
All right.
396
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,250
(shouts)
397
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,080
Oh, I am so sorry, Tush.
398
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,920
Tush, you all right?
399
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,920
Yep.
400
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:13,169
I don't feel a thing.
401
00:15:13,169 --> 00:15:14,919
Here's a list of side effects.
402
00:15:14,919 --> 00:15:16,249
Would you call this numbness
403
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:19,420
or "loss of feeling
in extremities"?
404
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,709
Hey, would you give me
that thing?
405
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,080
I mean, you, you're gonna
kill somebody.
406
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,420
I'm sorry, man.
407
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,290
Hi, I'll take
a pound of pistachios, please.
408
00:15:27,289 --> 00:15:30,119
What the hell are you talking--
Oh, geez. "Superior Nuts."
409
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,120
No, this is a donut shop,
I'm sorry.
410
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,540
So no pistachios?
411
00:15:33,539 --> 00:15:35,169
Uh, here.
Take a Crunchy Munchie,
412
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,999
you can lick the nuts off 'em.
413
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,000
I can't believe I forgot
to take care of that sign.
414
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,120
What are you doing?
415
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,460
Yo, Arthur,
we talked about this, man.
416
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,170
You are too old
to be climbing that ladder.
417
00:15:46,169 --> 00:15:48,039
Yeah, let one of us do it.
418
00:15:48,039 --> 00:15:51,249
I'd volunteer, but I might be
suffering from dizziness
419
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:55,290
or "irregular periods."
420
00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:56,829
I don't need help.
I've been climbing this ladder
421
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,170
for 40 years. I'm fine.
422
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:00,999
(shouts)
423
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,250
Yo! What's wrong?
424
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,250
It's my back. I can't move.
425
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,620
Okay, well, come here.
I got you.
426
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,620
No, I can't move.
427
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:06,330
I got you, come here.
428
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:06,330
No. Oh, okay.
429
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,120
All right. It's okay.
430
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,120
Ow, ow, ow.
431
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,830
It's okay. It's all right.
432
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,830
Ow, ow.
433
00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:11,080
Ow, my foot!
434
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,120
Ow, my back!
435
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,080
Ow!
436
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,290
Ow!
437
00:16:15,289 --> 00:16:16,829
Hot coffee!
438
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:21,290
I guess that numbness
was temporary!
439
00:16:21,289 --> 00:16:23,039
Oh, for God's sake.
440
00:16:23,039 --> 00:16:25,999
Uh, this is Officer DeLuca
at Superior Donuts.
441
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,120
We need an ambulance for, um...
442
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,120
(groans)
443
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,790
You know,
there's really no code for this.
444
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:35,459
Just come.
445
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:38,540
Might be a muscle thing,
might be a slipped disc.
446
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,039
At your age, we should get you
to the hospital for an MRI...
447
00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:42,249
No. No, no, no. No hospital.
448
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:43,420
No hos... Look,
I'm fine, huh?
449
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,789
I can walk.
450
00:16:44,789 --> 00:16:47,579
I just don't feel like walking
right this minute.
451
00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:48,880
Why don't you go check
on Franco?
452
00:16:48,879 --> 00:16:50,499
Man, he's the one that needs it.
453
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,880
Hmm. I see you ran out
of white people.
454
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:02,539
Arthur, go to the hospital.
455
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:03,749
No, no, no, nope.
456
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,380
Don't like hospitals,
don't like doctors.
457
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:06,710
Well, why not?
458
00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:08,250
Because at my age,
they start poking around,
459
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:11,040
and they find one little thing,
and they want more tests,
460
00:17:11,039 --> 00:17:13,539
and the next thing you know,
you never leave.
461
00:17:13,539 --> 00:17:15,039
Don't you think
462
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,249
you're getting
a little ahead of yourself?
463
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,249
Oh, am I?
464
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:19,420
Everybody around here
thinks I'm too old.
465
00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:21,540
Oh, Arthur,
they don't think that.
466
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:24,039
They know it.
467
00:17:24,039 --> 00:17:25,459
All right, rest up.
468
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,460
I'm gonna go check
on Franco.
469
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,460
(sighs)
470
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,750
Dude, I'm telling you, man, I
don't need to go to a hospital.
471
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:31,290
And I'm telling you
your foot is broken.
472
00:17:31,289 --> 00:17:32,669
And you need a cast
473
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:35,460
that's not made
out of a
Cathy cartoon.
474
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:35,460
Man.
475
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:36,620
Go check on Arthur.
476
00:17:36,619 --> 00:17:37,709
He's the one who needs the help.
477
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:40,120
(sighs)
478
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:40,120
What am I supposed to do,
DeLuca?
479
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,039
I can't force them
to get into the ambulance.
480
00:17:42,039 --> 00:17:44,749
I know. They're
both so stubborn.
481
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,670
The only thing they agree on is
that the other one needs help.
482
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:50,670
Oh, I got an idea.
483
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,750
(sighs):
So...
484
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,790
Franco is still refusing
to go to the hospital.
485
00:17:56,789 --> 00:17:58,289
Oh, that stubborn
son of a bitch.
486
00:17:58,289 --> 00:18:00,879
I know, I know.
487
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,960
(sighs):
You know, here's the thing.
488
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,920
If you go in the ambulance,
489
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,830
maybe we can get him
to go and look after you.
490
00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:09,039
You think?
491
00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:09,039
Yeah.
492
00:18:09,039 --> 00:18:10,379
He worries about you.
493
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,750
Oh, and you know
what would really convince him?
494
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,750
If you play up
that "old and feeble" thing.
495
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:15,960
Um, I...
496
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,420
I could try.
497
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,420
Yeah.
498
00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:21,460
And then, you know,
when you're at the hospital,
499
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:24,210
I bet you could get him
to x-ray that damn foot.
500
00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:25,420
Yeah.
501
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:26,620
He-he looks up to me.
502
00:18:26,619 --> 00:18:28,619
Oh, yes.
503
00:18:28,619 --> 00:18:29,749
He does.
504
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:32,830
You're like
his white, magical Negro.
505
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,670
You know, I've thought that.
506
00:18:37,670 --> 00:18:40,710
I'm gonna go talk to Franco.
507
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:41,790
Yeah.
508
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:41,790
Yeah.
509
00:18:41,789 --> 00:18:43,039
Okay.
510
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,619
(groans)
511
00:18:44,619 --> 00:18:46,829
So, I don't know what to do.
512
00:18:46,829 --> 00:18:48,619
I can't get Arthur
513
00:18:48,619 --> 00:18:49,879
to go to the hospital.
514
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,580
That stubborn son of a bitch.
515
00:18:52,579 --> 00:18:54,419
I know.
516
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,750
I think he's afraid of doctors.
517
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:59,670
You know, it's scary
when you get to be old.
518
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,710
Look at him.
519
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:05,420
Oh! Damn my brittle bones.
520
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:07,330
You see?
521
00:19:07,329 --> 00:19:08,539
Now, I think
522
00:19:08,539 --> 00:19:11,669
he would go
if you went to keep him company.
523
00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:13,500
Yeah?
524
00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:13,500
Yeah.
525
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,920
He needs an MRI,
526
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,210
and it might ease his fears
527
00:19:16,210 --> 00:19:19,080
if you were getting--
I don't know-- an x-ray?
528
00:19:19,079 --> 00:19:20,579
We have the money.
529
00:19:20,579 --> 00:19:21,919
I don't know, Randy.
530
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,120
I don't like taking from people.
531
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,329
You know,
I don't like having to owe them.
532
00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:26,789
Well, think about it this way.
533
00:19:26,789 --> 00:19:28,829
The money's not gonna help you.
534
00:19:28,829 --> 00:19:31,079
The money's gonna help Arthur.
535
00:19:31,079 --> 00:19:33,789
All right, well,
since you put it that way...
536
00:19:33,789 --> 00:19:35,579
Cool. All right.
537
00:19:35,579 --> 00:19:36,619
Great.
538
00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:37,919
Yo, Arthur,
539
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,540
who wants to go
on an ambulance ride?
540
00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:44,709
Only if you go with me.
541
00:19:44,710 --> 00:19:45,710
I mean, who knows
542
00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:49,540
when the Grim Reaper
will call my name?
543
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:53,079
Take it down a notch, Pacino.
544
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:53,079
Yeah.
545
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,460
Hey, what'd I tell you kids
546
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:06,460
about using those things
in the house?
547
00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:08,000
Nah, we're about
to send a message
548
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,380
to those Blessed Heart girls.
549
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:10,790
This is our corner.
The block is hot.
550
00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:11,999
Blap, blap!
551
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,380
Yo, homes.
552
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,120
We're going to chop 'em down
with our water gats.
553
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,249
Huh? Am I a thug? Was that hard?
554
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,210
It was hard to listen to.
555
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:21,330
Well, I'm glad you're
both feeling better.
556
00:20:21,329 --> 00:20:23,379
Yeah, thanks to
my brand new cast.
557
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,000
And I appreciate that, y'all.
558
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,830
Growing up, I didn't have a lot
of people I could depend on,
559
00:20:27,829 --> 00:20:30,539
and I got used
to doing everything by myself.
560
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:32,499
Well, get over it. You've
got a roomful of people
561
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,000
you can depend on.
562
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,040
Thank you.
563
00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:37,959
That was beautiful.
564
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:42,460
Wish those monkey drugs
hadn't dried up my tear ducts.
565
00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:44,080
Here they come.
566
00:20:44,079 --> 00:20:45,539
They're talking about geometry
567
00:20:45,539 --> 00:20:47,459
and a dreamy boy named Trevor.
568
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,670
Show them no mercy!
569
00:20:49,670 --> 00:20:51,580
Hello, ladies.
570
00:20:51,579 --> 00:20:54,499
And I hope you know
how to swim.
571
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,750
Oy. Oy. Oy.
572
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,750
Ow. Ow. Ow.
573
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,380
Oy vay.
37332