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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,113 --> 00:00:07,473 Hey, Arthur, this is just Christmas stuff. 2 00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,608 I thought you were gonna get Hanukkah decorations. 3 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,543 Nah, it's too expensive. 4 00:00:10,545 --> 00:00:12,019 I'd rather convert. 5 00:00:14,384 --> 00:00:15,581 Only I can make that joke. 6 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,285 Um, excuse me, I don't see any Kwanzaa decorations. 7 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,486 I'd be happy to celebrate Kwanzaa. 8 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,021 What should I put up? 9 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,790 Oh, what should you put up for Kwanzaa? 10 00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:28,394 Everybody know you put up the Kwanzaa tree. 11 00:00:30,459 --> 00:00:33,499 And I-I think there's a ham. 12 00:00:34,891 --> 00:00:37,636 You have absolutely no idea what Kwanzaa is. 13 00:00:37,718 --> 00:00:40,052 No, but I am sick and tired of whatever it is 14 00:00:40,054 --> 00:00:42,621 not being represented. 15 00:00:42,623 --> 00:00:44,523 My family doesn't celebrate Christmas. 16 00:00:44,525 --> 00:00:46,124 We just refer to it as the time of year 17 00:00:46,126 --> 00:00:48,693 when people get mad about Starbucks cups. 18 00:00:49,225 --> 00:00:50,562 I'm all about Christmas this year. 19 00:00:50,564 --> 00:00:53,532 I got a job as Santa passing out flyers at a bike shop. 20 00:00:53,534 --> 00:00:56,435 Hmm, got a gig playing the big guy, huh? 21 00:00:56,437 --> 00:00:58,503 Well, you're looking at 20 years experience 22 00:00:58,505 --> 00:01:01,640 slinging them bells. 23 00:01:01,642 --> 00:01:03,708 If you want, I can give you some Santa pointers, 24 00:01:03,710 --> 00:01:06,545 take you under my wing. 25 00:01:06,547 --> 00:01:09,014 When's the last time you washed under that wing? 26 00:01:10,884 --> 00:01:12,851 Lesson number one: 27 00:01:12,853 --> 00:01:15,120 Let single moms cut to the front of the line, 28 00:01:15,122 --> 00:01:17,789 but don't let them spend the night. 29 00:01:17,791 --> 00:01:20,225 There's only so much magic in that suit. 30 00:01:22,029 --> 00:01:24,672 Hey. Hey, what's Pink Panther doing? 31 00:01:24,698 --> 00:01:26,652 - Who's that? - He's the homeless guy 32 00:01:26,701 --> 00:01:28,327 that camps out over at the "L". 33 00:01:28,335 --> 00:01:29,901 He wears this old, pink hat 34 00:01:29,903 --> 00:01:31,403 that he got at the Women's March, 35 00:01:31,405 --> 00:01:33,772 so we call him Pink Panther. 36 00:01:34,870 --> 00:01:35,961 This is weird. 37 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,597 He had a nice setup over this warm vent at McDonald's. 38 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,399 I get him french fries every time I go. 39 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,669 Then we talk about how much the Bulls suck. 40 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,070 I wonder why he moved. 41 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,738 The Uptown Business Council. 42 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,041 We got the police to move all of the homeless people 43 00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,776 off the streets for the holidays. 44 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,477 You're welcome. 45 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,112 What is wrong with you? 46 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,380 That's a human being, man. 47 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,382 You can't... It's freezing outside. 48 00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,185 Hey. W-Why don't you come in, man? 49 00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,486 Yeah, come in. Warm up. 50 00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,788 I'll buy you a cup of coffee. 51 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,356 - Really? - Yeah. 52 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,291 After all, it's Kwanzaa. 53 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:08,260 What is that again? 54 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:09,595 I don't know. Um... 55 00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:12,531 But come in, man. Here. Pop a squat. 56 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:13,599 I'll get you a donut. 57 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,334 I probably shouldn't. 58 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,067 What? Nonsense. Man, here. Take some. 59 00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:18,707 Take as many as you want, man. There you go. 60 00:02:18,742 --> 00:02:21,773 Oh, what the hell is Pink Panther doing here? 61 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,109 How many times do I have to tell you? 62 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,210 Don't let the homeless in here. 63 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,478 Well, he ain't bothering nobody. 64 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,679 I got to run a business here. 65 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,314 It's just one dude. 66 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,316 Until he tells his buddies. Then the place is swarming 67 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,651 with people looking for free food. 68 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,119 That's called the domino effect. 69 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,288 Because it happened at the Domino's around the corner. 70 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,823 No. 71 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,659 The homeless thing is very complicated. 72 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,427 We used to pick them up when we were on patrol, 73 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:43,996 drop them off at the shelter. 74 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,898 Next night they'd be back out on the street. 75 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,299 Breaks my heart. 76 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,867 Yeah, me, too. 77 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,637 Part of me wants to be a decent human being and give them food 78 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,239 and the other part of me wants to be like Arthur. 79 00:02:55,439 --> 00:02:56,541 When did "decent human being" 80 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,377 become the opposite of Arthur? 81 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,113 Well, I'm down for helping the homeless, Franco. 82 00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:02,814 'Cause without me, you would be homeless? 83 00:03:04,174 --> 00:03:05,517 Maybe my Santa career will take off 84 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,654 and I won't have to sleep on your beanbag chair anymore. 85 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,923 Maybe you have to sleep on his beanbag chair 86 00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,124 because you say things like, 87 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,860 "Maybe my Santa career will take off." 88 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,863 It's almost Christmas, all right? 89 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,064 Would it kill us to show this dude 90 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,266 a little bit of kindness? 91 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,968 Hey, man. 92 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,670 How about a cup of coffee? 93 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,540 He fell asleep. 94 00:03:29,348 --> 00:03:30,442 Look, in the spirit of Christmas, 95 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,944 I'm gonna skip the I-told-you-so 96 00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:34,613 and jump right to get him the hell out of here. 97 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,181 All right. 98 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,717 Hey, man. Yo! 99 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,852 Hey! 100 00:03:50,266 --> 00:03:51,460 I can't find a pulse. 101 00:03:51,495 --> 00:03:52,820 Arthur, call 911. 102 00:03:52,855 --> 00:03:54,433 All right, well, what-what should we do? 103 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:57,135 Maybe put him outside as an example to the others? 104 00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,873 What? I thought we were brainstorming. 105 00:04:14,281 --> 00:04:18,450 I've never seen a dead body without bullet holes before. 106 00:04:18,452 --> 00:04:20,051 It's unnatural. 107 00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:21,119 Yeah. 108 00:04:21,121 --> 00:04:23,722 It's not exactly a barrel of laughs, 109 00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:28,326 except the time I found that dead clown in a barrel. 110 00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:34,632 Man, can't believe a dude died right here in the store. 111 00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:37,335 No, no, no, no! 112 00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:39,437 From deliciousness! 113 00:04:39,439 --> 00:04:40,672 It... 114 00:04:40,674 --> 00:04:41,932 We got a rule here, kid. 115 00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:43,829 Nobody talks about people who die in the shop. 116 00:04:43,878 --> 00:04:45,659 What? Why is that a rule? 117 00:04:45,746 --> 00:04:49,013 Yeah. How often does this happen? 118 00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:51,883 We knew nothing about the guy. 119 00:04:51,885 --> 00:04:53,385 Like, did he, did he have a family? 120 00:04:53,387 --> 00:04:55,120 Is there anybody we can contact? 121 00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:56,955 Let's look in his bag. 122 00:04:58,759 --> 00:05:01,426 Let's see. Shirts... 123 00:05:01,428 --> 00:05:03,762 one sneaker... 124 00:05:03,764 --> 00:05:08,633 a copy of The 4-Hour Workweek. 125 00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:12,504 Wow. He got it down to zero. 126 00:05:12,506 --> 00:05:14,439 I found a student ID. 127 00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:17,409 From Chicago State, John Dixon. 128 00:05:17,411 --> 00:05:18,610 Class of '76. 129 00:05:18,612 --> 00:05:20,812 Look, a passport. 130 00:05:20,814 --> 00:05:23,748 Yogurtland punch card. 131 00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:24,993 Tragic. 132 00:05:25,374 --> 00:05:28,953 He was one stamp away from a free cone. 133 00:05:29,555 --> 00:05:34,459 John Dixon, I will fulfill your destiny. 134 00:05:34,461 --> 00:05:37,662 Man, this dude led a full life we knew nothing about. 135 00:05:37,664 --> 00:05:39,731 School, travel. 136 00:05:39,733 --> 00:05:41,433 And this is how it ends? 137 00:05:41,435 --> 00:05:44,803 He deserves something more dignified, guys. 138 00:05:45,396 --> 00:05:46,604 You know something? 139 00:05:46,606 --> 00:05:48,086 We-we should have a service for him. 140 00:05:48,108 --> 00:05:50,095 You know? Celebrate his life. 141 00:05:50,177 --> 00:05:53,211 I don't know. You know, I-I got a lot to do. 142 00:05:53,213 --> 00:05:55,146 It's my annual Christmas party. 143 00:05:57,684 --> 00:06:01,319 For the first time and you're all invited. 144 00:06:01,321 --> 00:06:03,221 I've got a lot of work to do, too. 145 00:06:03,223 --> 00:06:05,757 Someone complained that my gingerbread men were too sexist, 146 00:06:05,759 --> 00:06:08,927 so now I have to go home and castrate a hundred cookies. 147 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:13,295 Look, uh, I think John would want us all to just move on. 148 00:06:13,367 --> 00:06:17,001 - And how do you know that? - I don't. I just want to move on. 149 00:06:17,758 --> 00:06:19,816 But we can't move on, man. 150 00:06:19,851 --> 00:06:21,372 You don't know what it's like to have people walk by you 151 00:06:21,374 --> 00:06:23,875 - like you don't exist. - And you do? 152 00:06:23,877 --> 00:06:25,844 Yeah. I was homeless. 153 00:06:25,846 --> 00:06:27,679 What? When? 154 00:06:27,681 --> 00:06:29,447 When I was 16. My dad kicked me out. 155 00:06:29,449 --> 00:06:31,950 I slept in a bus station, on the "L" train. 156 00:06:31,952 --> 00:06:33,718 I spent a few nights on the street. 157 00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,714 Oh, God, I'm really sorry to hear that. 158 00:06:35,716 --> 00:06:36,848 It's cool. 159 00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:38,183 I pulled out of it. 160 00:06:38,185 --> 00:06:39,885 W-When I saw John... 161 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,989 ...couldn't help but think that could've been me. 162 00:06:43,991 --> 00:06:45,590 Franco, you're right. 163 00:06:45,592 --> 00:06:47,893 We should do something to honor his life. 164 00:06:47,895 --> 00:06:50,162 Yeah. Let's have a memorial here in the shop. 165 00:06:50,164 --> 00:06:51,263 Okay. We can do it tomorrow. 166 00:06:51,265 --> 00:06:53,131 Yeah. It'll be instead of my Christmas bonus. 167 00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:54,900 Your Christmas bonus? 168 00:06:56,770 --> 00:06:59,004 Okay, fine. 169 00:06:59,006 --> 00:07:00,772 A homeless funeral. 170 00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:03,408 When I tell my family in Iraq about these things, 171 00:07:03,410 --> 00:07:05,710 they never believe me. 172 00:07:11,527 --> 00:07:12,551 Okay, tick-tock. 173 00:07:12,553 --> 00:07:17,622 Let's honor a man's life and get home for Celebrity Jeopardy. 174 00:07:18,111 --> 00:07:19,357 Hey, where's Sweatpants? 175 00:07:19,359 --> 00:07:21,860 In the bathroom, trying on his new Santa suit. 176 00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,461 I want to be here to help. 177 00:07:23,463 --> 00:07:25,730 One year, my belly slid into my pants. 178 00:07:25,732 --> 00:07:28,033 It looked like I had a medical problem. 179 00:07:29,487 --> 00:07:30,602 Hey, you wore black. 180 00:07:30,604 --> 00:07:31,903 That's cool. 181 00:07:31,905 --> 00:07:34,973 Yes. Out of respect. 182 00:07:34,975 --> 00:07:36,675 You're going out after this, aren't you? 183 00:07:36,677 --> 00:07:38,176 Yup. 184 00:07:39,341 --> 00:07:40,779 Let's do this. 185 00:07:46,119 --> 00:07:47,652 We are gathered here today 186 00:07:47,654 --> 00:07:50,789 to celebrate the life of John Dixon. 187 00:07:50,791 --> 00:07:53,024 World traveler, student, 188 00:07:53,946 --> 00:07:55,393 fan of yogurts. 189 00:07:58,329 --> 00:07:59,864 Let's all, uh, 190 00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:02,601 bow our heads in a moment of silence for John. 191 00:08:05,038 --> 00:08:08,673 Yo, yo, yo. 192 00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:14,746 Sica-sica-sica-Santa Claus in the hica-house! 193 00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:20,252 Oh, is that funeral thing happening right now? 194 00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:22,354 What the hell is this? That's not Santa. 195 00:08:22,356 --> 00:08:23,822 That's Santa's DJ. 196 00:08:25,814 --> 00:08:27,425 Put my own spin on it. 197 00:08:27,427 --> 00:08:29,461 Yeah, well, none of it's regulation. 198 00:08:29,463 --> 00:08:30,996 Where's the beard? 199 00:08:30,998 --> 00:08:32,230 Where's the coat? 200 00:08:32,232 --> 00:08:33,529 And are you on something? 201 00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:36,868 'Cause that twinkle in your eye is not natural. 202 00:08:38,105 --> 00:08:39,437 I like it. 203 00:08:39,439 --> 00:08:40,805 Cool Santa's hot. 204 00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:42,540 Yeah? 205 00:08:42,542 --> 00:08:45,410 Well, have you been naughty or nice? 206 00:08:46,546 --> 00:08:49,214 Because Santa's good with both. 207 00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:50,415 Santa, please. 208 00:08:51,852 --> 00:08:52,951 Hey, Fawz. 209 00:08:52,953 --> 00:08:54,219 You been filming this? 210 00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:56,421 It's a hobo funeral attended by a hip-hop Santa. 211 00:08:58,069 --> 00:09:01,926 I'm telling you, you're gonna be famous in Fallujah. 212 00:09:01,928 --> 00:09:06,731 As I was saying, we are here to pay respects to John Dixon. 213 00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:10,402 He had so little and we have so much. 214 00:09:10,404 --> 00:09:13,905 Yeah. You know, I used to drive by in my patrol car 215 00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:17,776 and think, "I should bring him some blankets or clothes", 216 00:09:17,778 --> 00:09:19,311 but I never did. 217 00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:21,246 And I knew so many people in the food business, 218 00:09:21,248 --> 00:09:23,248 I could've helped him find some odd job. 219 00:09:23,936 --> 00:09:26,084 Yeah, I should've let him come in here and warm up. 220 00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:27,786 Maybe use the bathroom. 221 00:09:27,788 --> 00:09:29,054 Why do you feel bad? 222 00:09:29,056 --> 00:09:32,157 He spent every dollar you gave him on froyo. 223 00:09:32,579 --> 00:09:33,925 Know what? 224 00:09:33,927 --> 00:09:35,660 Let's raise a mug. 225 00:09:36,471 --> 00:09:38,263 To John Dixon. 226 00:09:38,265 --> 00:09:41,132 Wish you were still here, man. 227 00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:42,334 Your wish came true. 228 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,140 I know, my hair is a mess. 229 00:09:49,142 --> 00:09:52,143 John, how can you be alive? 230 00:09:52,145 --> 00:09:53,978 I-I couldn't find a pulse. 231 00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:55,547 Well, neither could the EMTs. 232 00:09:55,549 --> 00:09:57,615 Your tax dollars at work, am I right? 233 00:09:58,885 --> 00:10:01,052 I'm diabetic and I went into a coma. 234 00:10:01,054 --> 00:10:05,056 But they didn't figure that out until I got into the ER. 235 00:10:05,058 --> 00:10:06,491 I'm sorry, man. 236 00:10:06,493 --> 00:10:08,193 I didn't, I shouldn't have given you those damn donuts. 237 00:10:08,195 --> 00:10:10,161 It's-it's not your fault. 238 00:10:10,163 --> 00:10:11,896 I mean, it is. You killed me. 239 00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:16,267 But for only, like, three minutes. I mean... 240 00:10:16,269 --> 00:10:19,471 Guess I'll get my stuff. 241 00:10:19,473 --> 00:10:22,374 Hey, which one of you jerks was going through my stuff? 242 00:10:24,397 --> 00:10:25,210 I had a valuable pair 243 00:10:25,212 --> 00:10:27,545 of 2009 New Year's Eve glasses. 244 00:10:28,482 --> 00:10:31,182 The zeroes were eyes. 245 00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:33,818 Hey, uh, we-we can't let him go. 246 00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:35,019 He's got a second chance. 247 00:10:35,021 --> 00:10:37,021 I mean, we-we've got a second chance. 248 00:10:37,023 --> 00:10:38,056 To do what? 249 00:10:38,058 --> 00:10:39,324 To do all that stuff we said about wishing 250 00:10:39,326 --> 00:10:41,526 how we could help him. And now we can. 251 00:10:41,528 --> 00:10:42,727 Oh, right. We... 252 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,896 - W-We did say all that. - Mm-hmm. 253 00:10:44,898 --> 00:10:46,865 Now, um... 254 00:10:46,867 --> 00:10:50,635 Do we think John heard that? 255 00:10:50,637 --> 00:10:51,936 Yeah, I've got work to do. 256 00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:53,538 And it's three days before Christmas. 257 00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:54,572 Exactly. 258 00:10:54,574 --> 00:10:56,141 I-It's the perfect time to help him. 259 00:10:56,143 --> 00:10:58,743 Randy, you can help him find some new clothes. Uh... 260 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,545 Sofia, you can help him find a job, right? 261 00:11:00,547 --> 00:11:02,113 And Arthur, you can let him use the bathroom 262 00:11:02,115 --> 00:11:03,214 like you said you would. 263 00:11:03,216 --> 00:11:06,251 I did? 264 00:11:06,891 --> 00:11:08,219 I don't remember that. 265 00:11:08,221 --> 00:11:10,155 Oh, no, you did, I, uh, recorded it. 266 00:11:10,157 --> 00:11:12,657 Fawz! 267 00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:15,693 Hey, hey, John, John, r-real quick, um... 268 00:11:15,695 --> 00:11:17,562 Uh, what's your schedule like the next few days? 269 00:11:17,564 --> 00:11:19,464 - It's pretty full. - Okay, well... 270 00:11:19,466 --> 00:11:20,999 W-We want to help you. 271 00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:23,034 I can move some things around. 272 00:11:23,036 --> 00:11:24,903 All right! Come on, man. 273 00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:28,139 I'm gonna give them back, but, uh... 274 00:11:28,975 --> 00:11:31,176 Am I right? 275 00:11:35,953 --> 00:11:37,765 Okay. So you're saying if he gets a job, 276 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:40,129 then he's eligible for transitional housing? 277 00:11:40,131 --> 00:11:43,633 Okeydokey, smoky, all right! 278 00:11:43,635 --> 00:11:46,035 Okay. And good day to you, too, kind sir. 279 00:11:46,037 --> 00:11:47,703 All right. Did you hear that? 280 00:11:47,705 --> 00:11:50,439 Yeah, you're kind of a dork on the phone. 281 00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:53,309 No, we got to find him a job. 282 00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:54,875 Yo, Sofia, how's the r�sum� coming along? 283 00:11:54,913 --> 00:11:57,213 Well, there's not much to work with. 284 00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:58,981 His last job was "grocery bagger", 285 00:11:58,983 --> 00:12:02,752 and his references are "They're all liars." 286 00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:05,988 Bup. Maybe I can help. 287 00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:07,723 As a veteran of the gig economy, 288 00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:10,459 I've had to dress up a couple r�sum�s. 289 00:12:10,461 --> 00:12:13,259 Okay. Under "work experience", he has "eating." 290 00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:15,898 Food taster. 291 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:16,859 And "begging." 292 00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:19,402 Venture capitalist. 293 00:12:19,404 --> 00:12:20,886 And "pushing a shopping cart." 294 00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:22,672 Train conductor. 295 00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:27,310 Best Christmas ever. 296 00:12:27,462 --> 00:12:28,678 Where are your flyers? 297 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,886 Gave them all away. 298 00:12:29,888 --> 00:12:31,087 Are those yours? 299 00:12:31,089 --> 00:12:34,023 Yeah, I, uh, haven't started yet. 300 00:12:34,025 --> 00:12:35,358 But I just saw you out front. 301 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,394 Nope. Must've been a different guy. 302 00:12:38,396 --> 00:12:39,696 Santa! 303 00:12:39,698 --> 00:12:41,064 Ho, ho, ho... 304 00:12:41,066 --> 00:12:42,765 Hey! 305 00:12:44,269 --> 00:12:45,602 Hey, shorty. 306 00:12:45,604 --> 00:12:46,736 You been good? 307 00:12:46,738 --> 00:12:47,804 Not really. 308 00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:48,972 It don't matter. 309 00:12:48,974 --> 00:12:50,873 I'm-a still hook you up. 310 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,208 Thanks, Santa! 311 00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:54,210 I don't get it. Why'd she run to you? 312 00:12:54,212 --> 00:12:55,511 Less is more, baby. 313 00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:58,014 I can do more with one "ho" than you can with three. 314 00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:01,150 Maple cream. 315 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,353 Make it a double! 316 00:13:03,355 --> 00:13:05,488 Okay, what, you had a tough time finding him an interview suit? 317 00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:07,123 We went to five stores, 318 00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:10,093 and he couldn't find anything he liked. 319 00:13:10,095 --> 00:13:12,261 Nothing flattered my silhouette. 320 00:13:13,565 --> 00:13:15,164 Just because I live in a box 321 00:13:15,166 --> 00:13:17,433 doesn't mean I got to look like one. 322 00:13:17,788 --> 00:13:18,901 It's cool, John, don't worry about it. 323 00:13:18,903 --> 00:13:20,269 We'll find you something. 324 00:13:20,939 --> 00:13:22,346 Well, how's my r�sum� coming? 325 00:13:22,381 --> 00:13:25,642 Oh, uh, well, I'm just working on the "skills" section. 326 00:13:25,644 --> 00:13:27,210 Just trying to find a more presentable way to say 327 00:13:27,212 --> 00:13:30,313 "Kicking ass and taking names." 328 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:32,649 Is that the font you're using? 329 00:13:32,651 --> 00:13:33,983 - Mm-hmm. - Helvetica? 330 00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:35,985 Oh, hell no. 331 00:13:37,188 --> 00:13:39,822 Oh, free coffee! 332 00:13:39,824 --> 00:13:41,391 Yeah. 333 00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:42,692 Yeah, free for you, John. 334 00:13:42,694 --> 00:13:43,826 Everybody else pays for it. 335 00:13:43,828 --> 00:13:45,128 It's a big part of my income. 336 00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:46,295 Ah... 337 00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:49,198 Oh! 338 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,467 This is terrible. 339 00:13:52,985 --> 00:13:55,505 People pay for that? 340 00:13:55,507 --> 00:13:58,941 Is it just me, or is this guy a dick? 341 00:14:01,379 --> 00:14:03,312 Maybe he's a dick because he lives out on the streets 342 00:14:03,314 --> 00:14:05,448 and people treat him like garbage. 343 00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:07,417 Well, now he's treating us like garbage. 344 00:14:07,419 --> 00:14:10,620 And Helvetica is a very professional font. 345 00:14:10,622 --> 00:14:12,221 Okay, l-let's just take a second 346 00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:14,323 and remember why we're all doing this. 347 00:14:16,895 --> 00:14:19,996 I'm drawing a blank. Let's kick him out of here. 348 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,398 Can't we just find some shelter 349 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,701 - and write him a check? - Yes. 350 00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:28,371 Can't Sofia just find him some shelter and write him a check? 351 00:14:29,941 --> 00:14:32,442 I-If you want to donate, great, then donate. 352 00:14:32,444 --> 00:14:34,644 But all he needs is a job so he can get the housing. 353 00:14:34,646 --> 00:14:36,145 Who's gonna hire that guy? 354 00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:38,648 Maybe some big-hearted business owner, 355 00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:42,552 uh, filled with the spirit of Hanukkah? 356 00:14:42,554 --> 00:14:45,455 If you think Irv Saltzman's gonna... You talking about me? 357 00:14:45,457 --> 00:14:47,323 No, no, no. Forget that. Uh-uh. 358 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,926 Just for a couple of days. 359 00:14:49,928 --> 00:14:51,227 He can dress up like Santa, 360 00:14:51,229 --> 00:14:53,730 a-and stand outside and pass out flyers. 361 00:14:53,732 --> 00:14:55,865 Why are we busting our humps for him? He's so ungrateful. 362 00:14:55,867 --> 00:14:57,066 Who cares? 363 00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:58,801 You think this is about us feeling good? 364 00:14:58,803 --> 00:15:01,637 No. I-It's about helping somebody who needs it. 365 00:15:02,221 --> 00:15:05,308 Even if they don't smile or say "thank you." 366 00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:06,542 Okay, okay, fine. 367 00:15:06,544 --> 00:15:07,643 Thank you. 368 00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,078 He's gonna bring in customers. 369 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,147 He has a certain charm about himself. 370 00:15:11,149 --> 00:15:13,516 You're sitting in my seat. 371 00:15:16,387 --> 00:15:18,888 Somebody died in that booth. 372 00:15:22,668 --> 00:15:24,861 Tattoos! Get your Christmas tattoos! 373 00:15:24,863 --> 00:15:28,064 Buy two, get a free piercing. 374 00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:29,766 Merry Christmas to you, man. Hey! 375 00:15:29,768 --> 00:15:31,334 Feliz Navidad! 376 00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:33,102 Hey, what's up, man? Hey, man. 377 00:15:33,104 --> 00:15:35,238 Happy Hanukkah, Irv. 378 00:15:35,913 --> 00:15:37,106 What are you doing here? 379 00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:39,008 My job. 380 00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:40,576 No, no. Hey. I've been on the same corner 381 00:15:40,578 --> 00:15:42,044 every Christmas since '98. 382 00:15:42,046 --> 00:15:43,513 I've got seniority. 383 00:15:43,515 --> 00:15:45,982 Yeah, well, I've got popu-lority. Hey. 384 00:15:45,984 --> 00:15:48,151 When I say "Fa, la," y'all say "La." 385 00:15:48,153 --> 00:15:49,252 Fa, la. 386 00:15:49,254 --> 00:15:50,353 - La! - Fa, la. 387 00:15:50,355 --> 00:15:52,889 La! 388 00:15:56,594 --> 00:15:57,693 Really? 389 00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:58,928 Whoa. 390 00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:00,196 And it's old St. Nick. 391 00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:02,632 Did you see a guy named John back there? 392 00:16:02,634 --> 00:16:04,467 I'm John. 393 00:16:04,469 --> 00:16:06,302 What? I didn't... 394 00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:07,737 I didn't recognize you. 395 00:16:07,739 --> 00:16:09,105 You just saw me walk in that bathroom. 396 00:16:09,107 --> 00:16:10,873 What's wrong with you? 397 00:16:11,876 --> 00:16:14,076 And off we go! 398 00:16:17,448 --> 00:16:18,981 Donuts? 399 00:16:18,983 --> 00:16:21,851 Some kind of deal on donuts. 400 00:16:21,853 --> 00:16:23,953 Hey, man, we got a surplus of Santas here. 401 00:16:23,955 --> 00:16:25,454 If you want, there's an empty sidewalk 402 00:16:25,456 --> 00:16:26,823 in front of the Clip'n'Go. 403 00:16:26,825 --> 00:16:28,457 Yeah, homie, keep it moving. 404 00:16:29,366 --> 00:16:31,227 And what if I don't? 405 00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:37,466 Hey, man. Thanks for giving John that job. 406 00:16:37,468 --> 00:16:38,901 Oh, sure. 407 00:16:38,903 --> 00:16:41,037 That guy's been pushed around by life. 408 00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:42,872 Right? You know, sometimes, 409 00:16:42,874 --> 00:16:44,774 people just need the kindness of strangers 410 00:16:44,776 --> 00:16:46,242 to move them in the right direction. 411 00:16:46,244 --> 00:16:48,744 You know? It really gives me hope. 412 00:16:54,385 --> 00:16:57,453 Mommy, the Santas are fighting! 413 00:16:57,455 --> 00:16:58,621 Oh, come on! 414 00:16:58,623 --> 00:17:00,356 Damn it, John! 415 00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:02,758 Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop. 416 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,627 Stop, stop. Come on. 417 00:17:04,629 --> 00:17:06,996 - Get in. What are you doing? - What... what the hell 418 00:17:06,998 --> 00:17:08,931 is going on out there? 419 00:17:08,933 --> 00:17:11,200 We were having a holly, jolly conversation, 420 00:17:11,202 --> 00:17:12,869 and then he got in our faces. 421 00:17:12,871 --> 00:17:14,937 Come on, man, John. I-I stood up for you, man. 422 00:17:14,939 --> 00:17:16,339 I-I was just doing my job. 423 00:17:16,341 --> 00:17:17,406 Yeah, well, not anymore. 424 00:17:17,408 --> 00:17:18,507 You're fired. 425 00:17:18,509 --> 00:17:19,642 What? 426 00:17:19,644 --> 00:17:22,211 You can't fire Santa. 427 00:17:22,213 --> 00:17:23,579 Oh. Hey, no. 428 00:17:23,581 --> 00:17:25,781 Uh... he... hey, he's just Santa's helper. 429 00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,416 Oh, h-he... We're sending him back to the North Pole 430 00:17:27,418 --> 00:17:31,687 for some anger management classes. 431 00:17:32,374 --> 00:17:33,456 You know what? 432 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:35,024 I don't need your help. 433 00:17:35,737 --> 00:17:37,660 But I will take the suit as payment. 434 00:17:40,465 --> 00:17:42,632 Hey, listen, I'm sorry, kid, but he crossed the line. 435 00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:44,233 - I'm out. - Yep. 436 00:17:44,235 --> 00:17:45,501 Me, too. 437 00:17:45,503 --> 00:17:49,071 You ever have a man grab your sack and beat you with it? 438 00:17:49,073 --> 00:17:51,073 It's humiliating. 439 00:17:51,075 --> 00:17:52,575 We tried. He's impossible. 440 00:17:52,577 --> 00:17:53,910 Sorry. 441 00:17:54,790 --> 00:17:55,912 Well, you know what? 442 00:17:55,914 --> 00:17:57,446 Let me guess. 443 00:17:57,448 --> 00:17:59,415 He's a human being, man. 444 00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:01,751 He needs our help, man. 445 00:18:02,487 --> 00:18:03,486 No. 446 00:18:03,488 --> 00:18:05,087 I'm done with him, too. 447 00:18:05,089 --> 00:18:07,023 - Really? - Yeah. 448 00:18:07,025 --> 00:18:08,891 Maybe y'all are right. Maybe... 449 00:18:08,893 --> 00:18:10,927 Maybe he is a lost cause. 450 00:18:11,796 --> 00:18:14,430 Oh, well, look, Franco. 451 00:18:14,432 --> 00:18:17,733 Maybe we can find some other homeless guy to help. 452 00:18:17,735 --> 00:18:19,502 You know, like that guy over in the park 453 00:18:19,504 --> 00:18:23,172 who teaches Pilates to the squirrels? 454 00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,074 No, I ain't dragging y'all into that. 455 00:18:25,076 --> 00:18:26,075 Franco, come on. 456 00:18:26,077 --> 00:18:28,311 No. Wha-wha... it was a stupid idea. 457 00:18:28,313 --> 00:18:30,913 I-I never should've gotten involved. 458 00:18:30,915 --> 00:18:32,715 Wow. 459 00:18:32,717 --> 00:18:34,083 He's really taking it hard. 460 00:18:34,085 --> 00:18:35,584 Yeah. 461 00:18:35,586 --> 00:18:39,088 Even his hair seems sad. 462 00:18:39,575 --> 00:18:41,390 I feel terrible we let him down. 463 00:18:41,392 --> 00:18:43,492 Well, you should. He's giving up. 464 00:18:43,494 --> 00:18:46,295 Franco can't give up. We need his idealism. 465 00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:50,032 Fawz, I've never seen this side of you before. 466 00:18:50,034 --> 00:18:52,802 I mean, who am I gonna mock? 467 00:18:52,804 --> 00:18:56,806 Making fun of his ridiculous optimism is my jam. 468 00:18:58,443 --> 00:18:59,642 You idiots! 469 00:18:59,644 --> 00:19:01,410 You broke Franco! 470 00:19:22,241 --> 00:19:23,834 What the hell's going on? 471 00:19:23,836 --> 00:19:27,371 Well, we felt really bad about giving up on John. 472 00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:29,106 So we decided to throw a party 473 00:19:29,108 --> 00:19:30,774 for our friends from the neighborhood. 474 00:19:30,776 --> 00:19:33,443 Wha... You-you did this for me? 475 00:19:33,445 --> 00:19:34,845 Nope. You were right. 476 00:19:34,847 --> 00:19:36,013 This shouldn't be about us. 477 00:19:36,015 --> 00:19:38,582 It should be about helping people who really need it. 478 00:19:39,256 --> 00:19:41,818 Some with hepatitis. 479 00:19:43,408 --> 00:19:44,288 We don't want you losing 480 00:19:44,290 --> 00:19:45,856 your optimism. 481 00:19:45,858 --> 00:19:48,625 This is great, man. This is a Kwanzaa miracle! 482 00:19:48,627 --> 00:19:50,360 I think. 483 00:19:50,362 --> 00:19:54,765 And, by the way, let's say hi to our guest of honor. 484 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:56,533 Hey! 485 00:19:56,535 --> 00:19:58,168 Who is this handsome devil? 486 00:19:58,170 --> 00:19:59,469 Hey, it's me. John. 487 00:20:00,334 --> 00:20:01,538 Are you blind? 488 00:20:02,538 --> 00:20:04,374 Y-You... you look great, dude. 489 00:20:04,376 --> 00:20:05,375 We got him a coat. 490 00:20:05,377 --> 00:20:07,211 And I got him a job. 491 00:20:07,213 --> 00:20:08,832 - Are you serious? - Yes! 492 00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:09,947 With the Business Council. 493 00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:12,282 He goes around and makes sure that all the businesses 494 00:20:12,284 --> 00:20:13,750 are following the rules. 495 00:20:13,752 --> 00:20:16,453 The perfect job for a dick. 496 00:20:16,943 --> 00:20:17,721 You know it! 497 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:22,584 And, uh, you have a light bulb out in the alley. 498 00:20:22,619 --> 00:20:24,027 And a loose lid on the dumpster. 499 00:20:24,029 --> 00:20:25,696 Don't ask me how I know that. 500 00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:31,268 Man, this-this proves there's no such thing as a lost cause. 501 00:20:31,955 --> 00:20:34,938 And if we all come together, we can... we can do anything. 502 00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:37,474 Mm. I'm glad I still have the mask on. 503 00:20:37,476 --> 00:20:39,509 It's keeping the vomit in. 504 00:20:42,656 --> 00:20:45,549 Franco's back. 505 00:20:45,551 --> 00:20:47,317 God bless us, everyone. 506 00:20:48,387 --> 00:20:50,487 Aw, come here, man. 507 00:20:57,416 --> 00:20:59,421 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 35481

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