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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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Ah-ha!
Castle Craig has fallen!
3
00:00:11,274 --> 00:00:13,041
Zorn, why is everything
4
00:00:13,109 --> 00:00:14,942
- a battle with you?
- What?
5
00:00:15,011 --> 00:00:18,046
This is, like, the least amount
of battling I've ever done.
6
00:00:18,114 --> 00:00:20,481
And it's killing me inside.
You know what?
7
00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:21,616
I'm gonna rise above this.
8
00:00:21,685 --> 00:00:23,284
Hey, Alan. You want
to get in the water,
9
00:00:23,353 --> 00:00:26,570
- and help me do an underwater flip?
- Uh... No thanks. It takes, like,
10
00:00:26,605 --> 00:00:28,256
- three hours for my hair to dry.
- All right, well...
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00:00:28,324 --> 00:00:29,991
Where's your mom? She's not one
12
00:00:29,992 --> 00:00:31,659
- to turn down a cool dip.
- Sorry!
13
00:00:31,728 --> 00:00:33,061
I was just using the bathroom!
14
00:00:33,129 --> 00:00:35,596
Oh, no. What happened?
15
00:00:35,665 --> 00:00:37,565
My peaceful kingdom was
destroyed by a meanie.
16
00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:40,968
- Edie, tell Craig to speak up!
- Well, honey,
17
00:00:41,037 --> 00:00:43,571
- I warned you not to build it there.
- That's right, Craig!
18
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,239
Retreat to the ocean!
19
00:00:45,308 --> 00:00:48,409
Along with the whales
and octopuses,
20
00:00:48,478 --> 00:00:50,311
and... ah, he can't hear me.
21
00:00:50,346 --> 00:00:51,821
All right, let's see what else
we got here.
22
00:00:51,888 --> 00:00:54,482
Who else wants to
challenge the throne? Mm.
23
00:00:54,551 --> 00:00:56,017
Oh, look at these wannabes.
24
00:01:02,759 --> 00:01:03,991
Oh, I miss that sound.
25
00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:23,878
Hey, Earl Sweatpants!
26
00:01:23,947 --> 00:01:25,646
Why aren't you wearing
shorts, you turd?
27
00:01:25,715 --> 00:01:28,216
What are you hiding under
there, nipple knees?
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00:01:28,284 --> 00:01:31,119
Oh, I get it. You're wearing
sweatpants to hide your diaper.
29
00:01:33,123 --> 00:01:35,289
You suck!
30
00:01:39,129 --> 00:01:41,896
Just a reminder,
guys, we got the swim unit
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00:01:41,965 --> 00:01:45,867
coming up next, so... don't
forget to bring your trunks.
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00:01:48,177 --> 00:01:49,844
Oh, oh, oh!
And this, right here, this is
33
00:01:49,913 --> 00:01:52,480
Head-butt Man and me battling
our way down Corpse Mountain.
34
00:01:52,515 --> 00:01:54,649
Now, I don't have
to tell you, but that place
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00:01:54,717 --> 00:01:57,451
- is crawling with
dagger-tooths. - Totally, man.
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00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:58,920
Oh, man.
That was the life.
37
00:01:58,955 --> 00:02:00,488
It was so exciting!
You know?
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00:02:00,556 --> 00:02:03,190
Everyday was a battle, and every
Friday, a casual battle.
39
00:02:03,259 --> 00:02:06,027
Oh, by the way, the reason
why the printer won't work
40
00:02:06,095 --> 00:02:07,528
is because you have
to actually hit print.
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00:02:07,597 --> 00:02:09,948
You know, I'd be lying if I
said I didn't miss the sting
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00:02:09,949 --> 00:02:12,300
of blood in my eyes, the
smell of steaming intestines
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00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:14,402
and the painful sores on my lips.
44
00:02:14,437 --> 00:02:16,904
From battle, which... resurface
every six months or so.
45
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:19,273
- Yeah.
- Zorn.
46
00:02:19,309 --> 00:02:23,010
I need you to copy these documents
and overnight them, this time.
47
00:02:23,079 --> 00:02:24,712
Not to point fingers,
but that was the raven's fault.
48
00:02:24,781 --> 00:02:27,949
We don't have a raven. That bird
on the ledge outside is a pigeon.
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00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:29,383
Those documents are now a nest.
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00:02:29,452 --> 00:02:31,886
So... overnight 'em yourself.
51
00:02:31,955 --> 00:02:35,890
Alan, how do you like your tofu?
52
00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:38,059
Uh, medium, I guess?
53
00:02:38,127 --> 00:02:41,228
- "Swamp butt"?
- Hm? Oh, you know what?
54
00:02:41,297 --> 00:02:43,497
That's an inside joke.
From-from people at school.
55
00:02:43,566 --> 00:02:44,765
They were just
fooling around, yeah.
56
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:48,569
- "Alan eats a horse's..." Oh, my...
- Oh! Yeah, that, uh...
57
00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,271
- That is bad...
- Ah, ha-ha! Wow!
58
00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:52,106
Guys are fooling around out here.
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00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,741
I do it to them, they do it to me.
60
00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:56,444
- Are you being picked on at school?
- What? No! I-I don't...
61
00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:57,778
Why are you holding
your backpack like that?
62
00:02:57,847 --> 00:03:00,593
Oh, this is a, uh...
it's better for your back, actually.
63
00:03:00,628 --> 00:03:02,049
If you were,
I hope you'd tell me,
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00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:03,651
- so I could help you.
- Yeah, Alan...
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00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,453
Look, bullies are just insecure.
66
00:03:05,521 --> 00:03:08,756
All you need to really do
is just walk up to them,
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00:03:08,825 --> 00:03:10,791
you look them directly
in the eye, and you say,
68
00:03:10,860 --> 00:03:13,060
"You are loved."
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00:03:13,129 --> 00:03:15,162
Okay. I'm not gonna
do that. Super weird, 'cause,
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00:03:15,231 --> 00:03:17,798
also, not necessary at all.
'Cause nothing's happening.
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00:03:17,867 --> 00:03:21,802
- I'm not being picked on.
- He's definitely being picked on,
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00:03:21,871 --> 00:03:24,105
- and I should know.
- Were you bullied?
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00:03:24,173 --> 00:03:27,208
- I was a bully.
- Yeah, I can see that.
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00:03:29,045 --> 00:03:31,312
Take that!
Ugh, I'll be taking these!
75
00:03:31,381 --> 00:03:34,215
No! Not my children!
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00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,851
I will eat each of their
fingers in front of you
77
00:03:36,919 --> 00:03:40,521
and then defecate
on your wife's grave!
78
00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:42,890
Curses... foiled again!
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00:03:42,959 --> 00:03:45,726
More copying, more collating.
Then I have something
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00:03:45,762 --> 00:03:49,363
even more exciting for you...
stapling.
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00:03:49,399 --> 00:03:53,434
Oh, man. Did you crumple
up my turkey sandwich again?
82
00:03:53,503 --> 00:03:54,869
- Yeah, I did.
- Aww!
83
00:03:54,937 --> 00:03:56,737
Would you like to...
fight about it, maybe?
84
00:03:56,806 --> 00:04:00,441
- All right.
- Gotta be kidding me!
85
00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,810
What am I supposed
to do for lunch?
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00:04:10,486 --> 00:04:11,852
I'm sorry.
Do you work here?
87
00:04:11,921 --> 00:04:14,755
No, man. I work at VitaShock,
across the hall.
88
00:04:18,394 --> 00:04:21,646
Well, strange visitor from
"across the hall," you do
89
00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:24,899
realize that hot sauce belongs
to Sanitation Solutions, yes?
90
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:27,802
Relax, bro, it's just hot sauce.
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00:04:30,807 --> 00:04:32,573
Nice panties, dude.
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00:04:39,415 --> 00:04:40,548
Zorn!
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00:04:40,583 --> 00:04:43,050
- Copies.
- Yeah. Okay, on it.
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00:04:49,992 --> 00:04:52,026
At this point,
it could be anywhere.
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00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:54,295
Hot sauce is
a precious commodity, Linda.
96
00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:57,465
You can put it on anything.
Soup, stew...
97
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,700
Ugh! This is exactly what
happened with Vulchazor.
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00:04:59,735 --> 00:05:03,104
"Vulchazor?"
Oh, my God, Zorn.
99
00:05:03,139 --> 00:05:05,272
If this is about Pokémon again,
I swear...
100
00:05:05,308 --> 00:05:06,807
No, it's not about Pokémon.
101
00:05:06,843 --> 00:05:08,609
This is about
the most power-hungry tyrant
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00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,344
with a beak face on the planet!
103
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:12,346
- And he took your hot sauce?
- No, Linda.
104
00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:13,948
He took the Staff of Quiv!
105
00:05:13,983 --> 00:05:15,649
Don't you people read in America?
106
00:05:15,685 --> 00:05:17,721
The New Yorker did a whole
cartoon on it.
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00:05:17,747 --> 00:05:20,254
Zorn... the guy just
borrowed our hot sauce.
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00:05:20,290 --> 00:05:22,590
There are more important things
for you to focus on.
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00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:26,227
- Don't you have work to do?
- Yes, it'll take work indeed to recover
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00:05:26,262 --> 00:05:27,795
- what is rightfully ours.
- Yeah... No...
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00:05:27,830 --> 00:05:29,897
Zorn, that's not what I'm saying!
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00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:31,098
- Zorn! Zorn...
- Fellow workers...
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00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:32,731
woman who sits on ball,
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00:05:32,806 --> 00:05:35,273
guy who met David Spade once,
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00:05:35,308 --> 00:05:39,143
the office from across the hall
has committed an act of war.
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00:05:39,179 --> 00:05:40,845
They have taken our hot sauce
without asking,
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00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,613
and they have not promptly
returned it.
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00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:44,682
- Not cool!
- But there is no reason
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00:05:44,717 --> 00:05:50,254
to fret, for I am Zorn,
Defender of Sanitation Solutions,
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00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,657
Future Conqueror of VitaShock
across the hall
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00:05:52,692 --> 00:05:54,458
and eventual decapitator
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00:05:54,494 --> 00:05:57,061
of that guy who works at VitaShock,
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00:05:57,096 --> 00:06:00,264
who took our hot sauce!
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00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,820
Damn it.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
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00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:08,759
- Sorry about that.
- Zorn!
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00:06:08,794 --> 00:06:10,414
- Sorry.
- Zorn... Oh, my God.
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00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:10,916
Hello?
128
00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:14,237
Stay strong, little hot sauce.
129
00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:16,306
Zorn's a-coming for ya.
130
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:18,875
- Oh, ooh! Zorn on the horn.
- Oh, hey.
131
00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:20,977
- Sorry to bug you at work...
- Well, you are. You know,
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00:06:21,012 --> 00:06:22,879
I'm really slammed right now,
Edie. What's up?
133
00:06:22,914 --> 00:06:24,414
Well, I think Alan's getting
picked on at school.
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00:06:24,449 --> 00:06:26,716
Wa-Wa-Wait. Hold on.
Someone's picking on my son?
135
00:06:26,752 --> 00:06:28,184
- Yes.
- Where does he live?
136
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,986
What kind of armor does he wear?
Is it enchanted?
137
00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:32,222
Does he have a nervous system,
and can he experience pain?
138
00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:34,190
You're not murdering Alan's bully.
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00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:35,625
Fine, fine.
I'll just torture him.
140
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:38,027
Ooh! If you could do it
without leaving a mark...
141
00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:39,295
- but we both know you can't.
- Okay!
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00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:40,897
Got it. So...
no murder, no torture.
143
00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:42,532
See, now, this is exactly
why I could never
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00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:44,234
figure out what to get you
for our anniversary.
145
00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:47,470
I know your life used to be
full of exciting battles,
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00:06:47,506 --> 00:06:51,040
- but those days are over, Zorn.
- No, Edie, I don't care about battles!
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00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:55,044
That's ridiculous, I can't even...
Oh! Hot sauce!
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00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,714
The battle begins.
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00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:59,249
So just come over after work, okay?
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00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:02,118
And try not to kill anyone.
God.
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00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:04,454
Huh. Just as I suspected.
152
00:07:04,489 --> 00:07:07,707
24 hours later, and it's still
in the hands of the wretched.
153
00:07:07,742 --> 00:07:08,691
Oh!
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00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:12,495
No one wanted this war,
but war it must be.
155
00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:15,965
Ooh, hoo-hoo, hoo! Yeah!
I can't wait to fight in a war again!
156
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,437
Oh, man. I getting
a lot of drag up here.
157
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:35,685
Oh, man. Show off those
curves, Son of Zorn!
158
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,189
You gonna pee in there
to keep yourself warm?
159
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,825
You know what, Warren?
160
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:46,029
- You are loved.
- What?
161
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:47,363
Nothing, never mind.
162
00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:49,466
- Did you just say "I am loved"?
- Well...
163
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:53,036
uh, you are obviously
acting out of an insecurity.
164
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,804
Insecurity?
What am I insecure about?
165
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,272
Uh, you have a T-shirt on,
166
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:57,574
and we're about
to get in the swimming pool.
167
00:07:57,609 --> 00:07:59,309
So... I can't like T-shirts?
168
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:00,910
- Are you calling me fat?
- No! No!
169
00:08:00,946 --> 00:08:03,246
Oh!
170
00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:05,181
Hey! What's with
all the shouting?
171
00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:06,850
This ain't no chicken auction!
172
00:08:06,885 --> 00:08:09,018
What's going on,
some kind of ruckus?
173
00:08:09,054 --> 00:08:10,787
Hootenanny?
A brouhaha?
174
00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:14,557
You let me know next time
there's a fight, I want to see it.
175
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:15,792
Swimming.
176
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:18,995
A lot of people
don't take swimming seriously.
177
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,865
Well, those people are dead now.
178
00:08:23,768 --> 00:08:26,970
The hot sauce is located
in the far northeast corner.
179
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:29,839
Your job is to stay here,
keep watch...
180
00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:33,309
- and reset the router if the Wi-Fi goes down.
- Got it.
181
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:35,845
Just so you know, Jakton,
I might not make it back.
182
00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:39,039
- Hell, we all might die today.
- Really?
183
00:08:39,074 --> 00:08:41,518
But in this battle,
they can never actually win.
184
00:08:41,553 --> 00:08:45,709
Because you can't defeat an idea.
185
00:08:45,744 --> 00:08:48,458
Just an old man
passing through...
186
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:51,394
don't mind me, just...
passing through,
187
00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:54,964
making my way to the breakroom
to get some hard candy.
188
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,568
Just an old man,
standing right here behind you.
189
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:00,737
Nothing to look at.
190
00:09:00,772 --> 00:09:04,541
Ah-ha!
The hot sauce is ours!
191
00:09:04,576 --> 00:09:06,042
Hiya!
192
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:14,250
Did everyone see that?
193
00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:17,153
I mean, I'm not... I'm not gay.
But that guy was naked!
194
00:09:17,188 --> 00:09:19,322
And they cheered for their hero,
195
00:09:19,357 --> 00:09:22,759
for they knew their burritos
would be bland no longer.
196
00:09:22,794 --> 00:09:26,129
- Why'd you have to be naked?
- Trust me, there was no other way.
197
00:09:26,164 --> 00:09:29,065
Speaking of a war that'll
never end until one man dies,
198
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,367
your mom tells me
you're being teased.
199
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:33,069
Are you serious?
Because a good friend of mine
200
00:09:33,104 --> 00:09:34,370
wrote "swamp butt"
on my backpack?
201
00:09:34,406 --> 00:09:37,140
No, that's a cool thing.
That's, like, a compliment.
202
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,274
That's a swampliment.
203
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,842
Hey, look. The only way
to deal with a bully
204
00:09:39,878 --> 00:09:41,210
is to stand up to him.
205
00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:42,879
Like I did, for years,
with Vulchazor.
206
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:44,781
And more recently at work,
with the hot sauce fella.
207
00:09:44,816 --> 00:09:47,049
Dad, there's nothing
going on here, at all.
208
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:51,788
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
209
00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:54,424
So I suppose "nothing"
gave you that black eye?
210
00:09:56,027 --> 00:09:57,327
Can't I just...
stay away from Warren
211
00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:58,761
until I graduate?
Or I could, you know,
212
00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:00,797
drop out and move to a cabin
and do, like...
213
00:10:00,832 --> 00:10:02,432
I don't know, online sales.
214
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:04,434
Hey, Alangulon.
I know you think you're weak.
215
00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:07,372
But real talk, here... sometimes,
your greatest weakness
216
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,219
can turn out to be
your greatest strength.
217
00:10:09,254 --> 00:10:11,341
- Now, prepare to die!
- Zorn, no!
218
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:14,256
Stop the fighting, or I'll kick
both your asses.
219
00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:16,613
- Give me that.
- Guys, please watch it with your swords.
220
00:10:16,648 --> 00:10:18,715
The wood here is made
from reclaimed boats.
221
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,284
Ah, come on! I'm showing the kid
how to take someone's life.
222
00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:22,819
I'm not showing him pornography.
223
00:10:22,854 --> 00:10:25,154
Alan is in high school.
Not a warzone.
224
00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:28,958
- Did someone hit you?
- I'm fine, Mom, okay?
225
00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:31,429
Oh, my God, did
this happen at school?
226
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,129
Alan, you have
to tell me everything.
227
00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:35,398
Yeah, it's a kid in my gym class,
228
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:37,333
and we were by
the swimming pool,
229
00:10:37,369 --> 00:10:38,835
and just, like things
happened, whatever.
230
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,103
There's nothing I can
do about it, okay?
231
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:42,805
- It is what it is.
- Look I don't want to butt in,
232
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:45,742
but sometimes the best defense
is defense.
233
00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:49,112
I myself developed a pretty
useful maneuver back in the day.
234
00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:53,616
Okay, it's technically
not karate, but it's cool.
235
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:56,152
Now, imagine that a bully
just pushed you in the mud,
236
00:10:56,187 --> 00:10:58,254
and she's coming back
to kick you.
237
00:10:58,289 --> 00:11:00,223
All you have to do is get down
238
00:11:00,258 --> 00:11:02,859
on the floor
and do a little maneuver
239
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:06,629
that I like to call
"the frightened turtle."
240
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,064
Craig, that's the dumbest
thing I've ever seen.
241
00:11:08,099 --> 00:11:10,600
See, I can't hear you, Zorn,
'cause I'm in my turtle shell.
242
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:13,403
- Of course you can hear me.
- No, I didn't hear that either.
243
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:15,204
No, you're lying because
there's no actual shell,
244
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,839
so I know you can't not hear me.
245
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:19,676
- You're a liar.
- Okay. I don't condone fighting,
246
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,310
but if you're gonna do it,
let your mommy teach you.
247
00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:24,047
I have a lot of experience
with bullying.
248
00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:26,082
Mostly on the other end,
but it still applies.
249
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:28,651
Okay, come at me.
Try to punch me.
250
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,620
What? No. Okay,
this is really weird.
251
00:11:30,655 --> 00:11:31,988
Alangulon, you listen
to your mother.
252
00:11:32,023 --> 00:11:33,489
You punch her in the face!
253
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:34,624
Alan, I'm not gonna
hurt you, I just want
254
00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:35,858
to show you a move...
come on!
255
00:11:35,927 --> 00:11:37,293
Craig, you want to step in here?
256
00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:39,429
I'd actually like to see
where this is going.
257
00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:40,963
Okay, come at me.
Try to punch me.
258
00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:43,099
Just try to punch me.
You can't punch me?
259
00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:45,301
Oh, come on, just
try to punch me, just try.
260
00:11:45,336 --> 00:11:47,470
You can't do it...
Hyah!
261
00:11:49,774 --> 00:11:51,781
- Don't kill him!
- Edie, that was so hot!
262
00:11:51,816 --> 00:11:53,376
Oh!
263
00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:56,479
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
264
00:11:56,514 --> 00:11:59,315
My instincts just took over.
It was muscle memory.
265
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,718
How did your muscles
remember something like that?
266
00:12:01,753 --> 00:12:04,187
I... Your dad
taught me that move.
267
00:12:04,222 --> 00:12:06,022
The Five Strike
Zephyrian Death Attack.
268
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:08,624
- Well, four strikes of it.
- Where was that move when I was
269
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,560
getting charged extra for cookie
crumbles at Mr. Yogurt?
270
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,061
- Hmm.
- Look, I don't want to kill anyone
271
00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,796
by accident, all right?
272
00:12:13,832 --> 00:12:15,965
Don't want to kill anyone
on purpose either!
273
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,400
And, Craig, I'm not
gonna do that stupid
274
00:12:17,435 --> 00:12:18,434
upside-down turtle thing.
275
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:21,838
Okay, I'm not a warrior.
I don't want to fight anyone.
276
00:12:21,873 --> 00:12:24,807
- Just...
- Oh, Alan, I'm sorry!
277
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,876
I'd hug you right now,
but one more touch from me
278
00:12:26,911 --> 00:12:28,377
and your head will explode.
279
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:30,947
Well, we should explode
your head, Alangulon!
280
00:12:30,982 --> 00:12:34,350
'Cause it's full of wrong
ideas about battling!
281
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,391
What...
282
00:12:57,942 --> 00:12:59,976
Zooorn!
283
00:13:02,736 --> 00:13:05,547
I don't want to see you
within ten feet of the breakroom
284
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:08,317
or any bottle of hot sauce
of any condiment of any kind,
285
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:11,286
- or any person or office.
- Yes, sir. I understand.
286
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,322
This is your last chance, Zorn.
287
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:16,725
I swear to God I'll face another
discrimination suit if I have to.
288
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:20,229
I beat it before
and I'll beat it again!
289
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:27,976
Zorn!
290
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:31,807
- Zorn, it's me.
- No, Jakton, please,
291
00:13:31,842 --> 00:13:33,175
I don't want you to have
to see me like this.
292
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:37,412
Cast from the bullpen into this
lonely hallway, all by myself.
293
00:13:37,448 --> 00:13:40,182
Which is, actually,
like my own office.
294
00:13:40,217 --> 00:13:41,783
That's pretty sweet.
295
00:13:41,819 --> 00:13:43,051
No, no, this is important.
296
00:13:43,087 --> 00:13:45,821
That guy from the other office...
things have gotten worse.
297
00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:47,889
It's not just
the hot sauce anymore.
298
00:13:47,925 --> 00:13:49,491
He ransacked the yogurts
299
00:13:49,526 --> 00:13:51,126
and those little tiny
packets of soy sauce!
300
00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:53,862
He even started taking
the cranberry cocktails.
301
00:13:53,897 --> 00:13:56,531
Well, now, hold on, he took
our cranberry cocktails?!
302
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:58,967
Well, the battle resumes.
303
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:01,603
Also, I'm battling a UTI,
so I kind of need those.
304
00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:08,076
Come in.
305
00:14:09,446 --> 00:14:11,546
Listen, I'm sorry
about last night.
306
00:14:11,582 --> 00:14:14,016
I guess I sort of had
a flashback to my past.
307
00:14:14,051 --> 00:14:15,684
It was kind of a rush, though.
308
00:14:15,719 --> 00:14:17,552
Remember, I was, like,
309
00:14:17,588 --> 00:14:18,787
with my arm,
and then you freaked out,
310
00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:21,590
- and you were, like, "Aah!"
- Yeah. Mom...
311
00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:24,493
Sorry. Anyway...
312
00:14:24,528 --> 00:14:26,428
I totally get that
you don't want to fight.
313
00:14:26,463 --> 00:14:28,697
- What's this?
- It's a note to your gym teacher.
314
00:14:28,732 --> 00:14:30,365
It says you're allergic to chlorine.
315
00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:34,166
So that should buy you a few
weeks away from this kid.
316
00:14:35,673 --> 00:14:38,407
Yeah, uh, thanks.
317
00:14:39,576 --> 00:14:42,911
- No! Death strike!
- Honestly...
318
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:44,479
I don't know if I'm ever gonna
be able to touch you again.
319
00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:47,816
- Want me to look it up online?
- That would be great.
320
00:14:53,857 --> 00:14:56,358
Oh! Ugh!
321
00:14:56,393 --> 00:15:00,796
Is that blood?
Dude, I just drank blood!
322
00:15:00,831 --> 00:15:02,597
Where is he? Huh?
323
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:06,134
Where's the guy who put
the blood in my cran-pom?
324
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,303
Huh?
325
00:15:08,339 --> 00:15:09,571
Because I'm gonna
fill his mouth with blood.
326
00:15:09,606 --> 00:15:12,808
- His blood!
- Looking for me?
327
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,982
- I am gonna beat your ass, bitch!
- Let's just get to the point.
328
00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:22,818
What, was that supposed
to be a joke or something?
329
00:15:22,853 --> 00:15:25,487
What's wrong, you don't
appreciate my sharp wit?
330
00:15:25,522 --> 00:15:28,190
- Dude, you're not even funny... shut up!
- Hey!
331
00:15:28,225 --> 00:15:31,226
Hey! Seriously?
Is... Is this about the hot sauce?
332
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,328
'Cause there's literally three
other bottles in the pantry.
333
00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:35,197
Aw, come on, Linda!
Everyone knows you don't
334
00:15:35,232 --> 00:15:37,884
open a new bottle till
the old bottle's finished.
335
00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:39,624
- Derek Whitford!
- Damn!
336
00:15:39,659 --> 00:15:41,770
What in God's name
is the meaning of this?
337
00:15:41,805 --> 00:15:44,406
Stephen, it seems as though
our employees are having
338
00:15:44,407 --> 00:15:47,008
a disagreement over
something completely idiotic.
339
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:50,512
- No, it's not!
- I... I'm sorry, Derek,
340
00:15:50,547 --> 00:15:52,581
- apologize to these people.
- What?
341
00:15:52,616 --> 00:15:55,384
- No, no, please don't.
- Aw, fine!
342
00:15:55,419 --> 00:15:57,085
What are you doing?
No, don't do this.
343
00:15:57,121 --> 00:15:59,454
Don't walk over here,
don't look at me, don't...
344
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,022
Sorry I took
your stupid snacks.
345
00:16:01,058 --> 00:16:03,056
- What was that?
- Stop. Stop.
346
00:16:03,091 --> 00:16:05,026
I'm begging you, don't do it.
Let's just fight.
347
00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:07,362
I said I'm sorry I took
your stupid snacks!
348
00:16:07,398 --> 00:16:09,765
No... come on!
349
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,633
We're going back
to the office right now.
350
00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:14,261
You haven't tweeted from the
corporate account in two hours.
351
00:16:14,296 --> 00:16:15,971
Please don't take the high road.
352
00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:18,382
Let's just fight it out.
I need this fight to happen.
353
00:16:18,417 --> 00:16:20,208
I miss it so much. Come on back.
Come on, come on, fight me.
354
00:16:20,244 --> 00:16:21,743
We can switch weapons!
355
00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:24,914
I'll... use the coat rack,
and you can use my sword.
356
00:16:29,915 --> 00:16:32,949
I gotta say I'm pretty
skeptical about this.
357
00:16:32,985 --> 00:16:35,085
But the last time
I doubted a kid's note,
358
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,753
turns out he was
being kidnapped.
359
00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:41,892
Anyway, go, uh, run a few laps,
then, uh, I don't know,
360
00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:44,594
jump over a cone or something.
361
00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:58,401
Oh, my God!
362
00:16:58,437 --> 00:17:00,537
Look at your legs.
You're a total freak.
363
00:17:00,572 --> 00:17:02,672
Okay, you know what, Warren?
It's genetic.
364
00:17:02,708 --> 00:17:04,241
All right?
I'm half Zephyrian.
365
00:17:04,276 --> 00:17:06,810
Whatever you are, I can't
wait to tell everyone.
366
00:17:06,845 --> 00:17:10,647
Dude, does your sweat run upwards
to avoid your weird-ass legs?
367
00:17:10,682 --> 00:17:11,982
When you came out
of your mom,
368
00:17:12,017 --> 00:17:13,950
was she, like,
"God, what is that?"
369
00:17:13,986 --> 00:17:16,353
Whatever, I can't understand you
'cause I don't speak whale.
370
00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:22,425
- What?
- I said, I wish I could understand you,
371
00:17:22,461 --> 00:17:25,929
but I don't speak
whale language.
372
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:30,967
Ah!
373
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:34,404
What are you,
my five-year-old brother?
374
00:17:34,439 --> 00:17:36,239
I can't hear you.
I'm in my shell.
375
00:17:36,308 --> 00:17:38,727
I'm in my shell!
376
00:17:38,762 --> 00:17:41,978
Dude, just let
this beatdown happen.
377
00:17:47,519 --> 00:17:50,086
What the hell...
378
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,761
Dude, uh, I don't...
I'm sorry.
379
00:17:59,197 --> 00:18:01,631
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
380
00:18:09,508 --> 00:18:11,308
I've dishonored myself in battle.
381
00:18:11,343 --> 00:18:13,710
Here, take my sword.
382
00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:15,912
Just do it fast, and
make it a clean cut.
383
00:18:15,948 --> 00:18:18,281
And please, if you will,
see to it that my head
384
00:18:18,317 --> 00:18:20,250
is wearing a skull bandana
at my funeral.
385
00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:22,619
Do you want me
to decapitate you right now?
386
00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:24,688
Yes, I would like that very much.
387
00:18:24,723 --> 00:18:27,190
- I'm not gonna do that.
- Aw, Linda, you suck.
388
00:18:27,226 --> 00:18:29,026
It's like you have
this obsession where you
389
00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:30,827
have to turn every little
thing into a battle.
390
00:18:30,863 --> 00:18:34,631
- I know, it's a real problem.
- But what you don't realize is...
391
00:18:34,666 --> 00:18:37,834
there's a high-stakes battle
going on all around you.
392
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,237
All right, fine!
I'll hear you out.
393
00:18:40,272 --> 00:18:41,972
But then, seriously,
after that,
394
00:18:42,007 --> 00:18:44,207
- you got to cut off my head.
- You are a warrior
395
00:18:44,243 --> 00:18:47,177
for the Kingdom
of Sanitation Solutions.
396
00:18:47,212 --> 00:18:50,981
And the theater of war
is mall bathrooms,
397
00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:53,250
restaurant chain bathrooms,
398
00:18:53,285 --> 00:18:56,920
- convention center bathrooms.
- Airport bathrooms?
399
00:18:56,955 --> 00:18:58,422
- Duh, I think you're getting it.
- Dogs.
400
00:18:58,457 --> 00:19:00,357
- No.
- Right. Right, right, right.
401
00:19:00,392 --> 00:19:02,826
Strong-arming clients,
scrapping for your bonus,
402
00:19:02,861 --> 00:19:04,694
suppressing reports
that say our foam
403
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:08,398
might be carcinogenic.
These are the thrills of combat.
404
00:19:08,434 --> 00:19:10,033
Okay, hold on.
So now, you're saying
405
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:11,768
if I start doing well at my job,
406
00:19:11,804 --> 00:19:13,837
I'll have the, um,
same satisfaction
407
00:19:13,872 --> 00:19:16,907
as, like, killing off an
entire race of crab people?
408
00:19:16,942 --> 00:19:21,845
Exactly.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
409
00:19:23,348 --> 00:19:25,215
Hey, there he is!
The killer!
410
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,552
The victor!
Alangulon the Brutalizer!
411
00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:29,853
I knew you had it in you, son.
412
00:19:29,888 --> 00:19:31,288
Come on, tell
the story, Alangulon.
413
00:19:31,323 --> 00:19:33,123
Dad, I've told it, like,
a million times already.
414
00:19:33,158 --> 00:19:34,724
All right, do you want to hear it again?
Probably not.
415
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,426
Yeah, 'cause it's an amazing story!
416
00:19:36,462 --> 00:19:39,429
- I, uh, I kicked a fat kid.
- You're welcome.
417
00:19:39,465 --> 00:19:41,898
Well, fortunately for you,
I've taken it upon myself
418
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:45,802
to ensure that future generations
will know the story of Alangulon,
419
00:19:45,838 --> 00:19:47,771
Kicker of Fat Kids,
420
00:19:47,806 --> 00:19:51,241
Haver of Sadistic Rage Underneath
his Effeminate Exterior!
421
00:19:51,276 --> 00:19:52,275
Boy that we're all very proud of.
422
00:19:52,311 --> 00:19:56,926
- Future Castrator of Craig!
- Oh, Zorn...
423
00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:00,951
Oh, no.
424
00:20:07,132 --> 00:20:10,667
♪ There was a lad
named Alangulon ♪
425
00:20:10,703 --> 00:20:14,538
♪ Who grew up weak
'cause his dad was gone ♪
426
00:20:14,573 --> 00:20:18,975
♪ But now that his father
is back, he's strong ♪
427
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:21,778
♪ Who is this wonderful man? ♪
428
00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:25,349
♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪
429
00:20:25,384 --> 00:20:29,286
♪ The greatest father
in all the land ♪
430
00:20:29,321 --> 00:20:32,689
♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪
431
00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:36,026
♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪
432
00:20:36,061 --> 00:20:38,061
- # Zor... #
- # Zorn, Zorn #
433
00:20:38,097 --> 00:20:39,629
♪ Zorn, Zorn ♪
434
00:20:39,665 --> 00:20:43,400
♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪
435
00:20:43,435 --> 00:20:47,804
- # Zorn, Zorn... #
- Stupid Craig!
436
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,973
Ruining my song with
his beautiful voice!
437
00:20:52,911 --> 00:20:55,806
Zorn, you are loved.
438
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:59,379
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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