All language subtitles for Son Of Zorn S01E02

I think it would be great
to go on a fast.

- Yeah.
- A juice cleanse.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Zorn?

All I asked was that
you get rid of your boxes.

Yeah, yeah. No, I-I know. But
look, it's all my old awesome stuff.

Man, I haven't seen
some of this crap in years.

Oh, man. The Stone of Sight!

You remember this, Edie?

- Huh? You remember?
- I remember

- the Stone of Sight, yes.
- So dangerous

in the hands of evil.
Yeah, I really should have

destroyed that a long time a...
Uh-oh! Game Boy! Ha-ha!

Oh, my thumbs got quite a
workout on this bad boy.

Zorn, this junk has been here for years.

Craig needs some space
to wall-mount his bicycles.

Bicycles? Who the hell rides bicycles?

Uh, we do. Craig and I enjoy

- riding bicycles together, as a couple.
- Oh, hey,

Craig, you know what
Edie and I used to enjoy

doing as a couple? Having tantric sex

on top of a mountain
for months at a time. Yeah.

You should try cycling, Zorn.
It's really good for your heart.

Oh, you know what else
is good for your heart?

Having tantric sex with Edie

on top of a mountain
for months at a time.

Nice shirt, by the way.

It's a Nautica, Zorn.

- Well, your mom's a Nautica.
- Okay.

This is escalating.
My ears are getting hot.

- I'm gonna go for an anger ride.
- Oh, let me guess...

- On your bicycle?
- Zorn!

If you don't clean this up,

I am gonna have to throw it all out.

Aw, come on, you really want
to get rid of our sex masks?

Oh-ho-ho, man. We had a lot
of sex in these bad boys, huh?

I've got to go to work.

Hey, Edie. You still got that tattoo?

The one with the Z on
one cheek, R-N on the other?

I got rid of that tattoo
a long time ago.

- Why?
- Because we got divorced, Zorn.

- I don't need your...
- You know what?

I'm sorry. I-I totally see

where you're coming from, and
I will be moving the boxes now.

Thank you. It's nice to
hear you sounding mature about

the whole thing, because you see...

Oh, this song is gonna be
stuck in my head for weeks.

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Good boy, good boy.

Nancy?

- Hey.
- Hey, it's Alan.

Alan, like, I live here
Alan, not stalking you or anything.

Huh. Alan... Alan...

Oh, right.

Your dad, uh, he killed
that bird in your driveway.

- Right? That Alan?
- Yeah. Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

It's, like... Yeah, he just moved here

from, like, this other country

that's really brutal and crazy...

I get it. My dad's from Cambodia.

- He was in the Khmer Rouge...
- Oh.

...and during the war, he, uh,

did a lot of bad, bad things.

- Oh. Um...
- Alan!

I'm kidding.

He owns a used car dealership.

Okay!

Wow, that's, like, a big difference.

Why the hell is Alangulon
talking to that elfish,

waifish Asian maiden?

Oh, boy, that's a tongue twister.

Elfish, waifish Asian maiden.

Elfish, waifish... Mm!

This one time this lady asked my dad

if he was Vietnamese,
and he went ballistic.

He was like, "No, I'm Cambodian!" And...

he kicked a dent in
her car. So embarrassing.

Oh, wait.

- Are you in P.E. with Jules Davey?
- Yeah, I'm, uh...

He was dating my friend
Alison for a second,

- but I think they were having...
- Hey, do you want

to-to walk you to home?

- Mm. Yeah. Sure. Let me just...
- Nah.

- Just leave it. Yeah. Let's just go.
- No, I should clean it up.

- No, seriously, leave it.
- It'll only take a second.

No, the poop's great.
It's good on our lawn.

Ooh, wooh, wooh...

You know what?

Actually, I'm just
gonna leave this poop.

So...

Oh, Dad, thank you so much for the help.

So funny. I'm really glad you're back.

Aw, come on!

Oh, do I see a little smile?

Maybe it wasn't funny.

It feels funny when I'm doing it.

Mm-hmm. That's undeniable.

Why would you need hand
dryers? Let's say you got a sackful

of severed hands, okay,
but some of them are still wet,

'cause they're covered in the tears

of the children that they were holding.

No. You're a psycho!

Zorn, I am starting to get the sense

you have no idea what you're doing.

But the important thing
is I'm having fun, right?

No. That's not the thing.
The thing is to make a sale,

- and you have not made one.
- And yet I'm still having fun,

which I think speaks towards my spirit.

Have you tried using the script?

It can be pretty
persuasive. Todd already landed

two new accounts using
that script last week.

Yeah, the script. I
mean, it's good, it's good.

It's a great template. But, you
know, I have a tendency to feel

that I get my best results
when I'm just winging it.

Make a sale, or I'm gonna fire you.

Definitely. You're the boss, my man.

I got a...

Huh? Yeah.

- Hello?
- Hey, buddy.

- Uh, I was calling to apologize.
- For what?

For yesterday, or just,
like, my entire childhood?

No, no, no, just for yesterday.

Look, and I've also
been thinking, there is

an area I might be helpful
to you, you know.

You seem to be keen on a certain

elfish, waifish Asian maiden.

- Am I right?
- Dad, it's fine. I don't really want...

Alangulon, listen, I don't mean
to brag here, but I've been

with a lot of women
over the years, okay?

We're talking Tora, Princess of Light,

Yonna, Princess of Victory,

Helena, Princess of, um...

Damn it. I don't even remember
what she was princess of,

- I was so darn wasted.
- Can I...

I got to go. Wha-What's up?

Doesn't matter. Look, what I've learned

is that to get a woman, son,

all you have to do is offer
her some Corn Nuts.

- Corn Nuts.
- Trust me, son,

chicks love Corn Nuts.
It makes all the sense

- in the world... I mean,
they're crunchy... - Great.

Okay, I got to go. I'm at school. Bye.

And the bag is in...

It's not your garage anymore, Zorn.

Craig and I are
getting married. Get over it.

- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey. - Hey, Alan.

Hey, your dad called this morning

to apologize... Did he reach you?

Yeah, he called, and then he tried

to give me advice about girls.

Your dad? First of all,

you'd come to me if you needed
advice about girls.

- Nope.
- And second of all, he calls it

- a "vajiba."
- Aah! Don't say that.

- Well...
- Hey, Craig, can I use that

once you're finished grading?

Uh, not "grading," Alan.

Grading implies the traditional
letter system,

which, as you know, I find limiting.

For instance, this student
just scored a P7.

Is that like an A?

No, Alan, it's not like an A.

- Is it like an A-minus?
- Yes.

Ooh. What if we take

the boxes to him?

Dad's boxes? He still
hasn't picked up that crap?

Well, in Zorn's defense,
he did take the Game Boy.

You know, his
apartment is on the way to that

estate sale you wanted to go to.

Oh, I love going
through dead people's things.

Honey, could you move the
boxes into your car?

You'd get a P7 in my book.

Maybe even a P8.

A C?

Mm. Ah...

- Water.
- What?

I just said "water."

Yeah. That's what it is.

Water, water, lots of drops to drink.

- You know? With the...
- Yeah.

- You can drink it. You got to have it.
- Okay.

Uh... hey, Nancy.

Uh, do you want some Corn Nuts?

Corn Nuts?

Yeah.

Yeah. Sure. I love Corn Nuts.

Oh.

Really?

Do you have any?

Uh-uh.

Oh.

- Ah.
- 'Cause...

- Where did they go?
- You asked me.

Where did the Corn Nuts go?

Okay. Well...

I have to get to class, so...

- See ya.
- Hey, yeah,

I do, too.

Hey, Alangulon! All right!

Get on in here, buddy. Come on in.

Make yourself at home.

So, what do you think?
I know it kind of looks

- like a, uh...
- A place where crackheads

- go to have sex? Yeah.
- Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

Hey, can I get you
anything? You know, a glass of water,

maybe, or some butter? Oh,
you know, I got a big old bag

- of warm meat in the bathroom sink.
- Uh, that's okay.

I'm kind of trying to
cut back on warm sink meat.

All right. Well, I got
some cold stuff in the toilet.

Eh, you know what? Doesn't matter.

Uh, what'd you want to talk about?

I just, uh... So
that-that Corn Nuts thing worked.

- How did you know that?
- Like I said,

I'm no stranger to feminality, okay?

I just understand women on a
deeper level than most men.

I listen. You know,
that's really a big part of it.

You just got to listen. No, I'm kidding!

I'm... I'm screwing with you.

No, I use the Stone of Sight.

What is that, like, a...
is that a Web site?

Ah, here, check it out.

Okay, all right, what you want to do,

you want to hold it up in front of you,

now hold it there, you want to keep it

- straight there, just so can...
- Like this?

Okay, now, you want
to look through here.

All right, good. Now repeat after me.

- Show me...
- Show me...

the elfish, waifish Asian maiden.

...the elfish, wai... Wait.

- Nancy? What is this?
- Come on, just say it.

Show me Nancy.

Guys, I have your salmon right here.

Pretty cool, right? Hmm? Yeah?

Oh, and just so you know, it's
dangerous in the hands of evil.

You stalking her.

Nah-ah. No. I'm not stalking her.

I-I'm just watching her every move.

- That's stalking!
- What?

I'm just trying to help you so that

you'll think I'm an
awesome dad and then,

I don't know, we'll sneak
into a ball game together

and dump beer on people's heads
and fight the security.

- I mean, is that a crime?
- Yes, those are all crimes.

Excuse me for not knowing all the crimes

in all the world, okay?

All right, so you don't want to know

that her favorite movie
is Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Or that she prefers short hair on guys

and thinks that white V-neck
T-shirts are crazy hot.

- She said that?
- Yeah. I mean, unless

she was lying to
her best friend Shannon,

which I really don't think she would.

Although, come to think about it,

when Shannon got home
last night, she was talking

to Joni Perkins... you know,
Butt-Crack Joni, right?

- I don't know her personally.
- Like, pull your jeans up, lady.

- Nobody needs to see that.
- Okay.

Let me just, like, think...

Okay, if I'm not aware
of what you're doing,

like, if you don't tell me,

- Mm-hmm.
- Then it's just basically

like I... it's like I guessed.

Sure. Yeah, no, rationalize away.

As far as I'm concerned,
I'm just getting pointers

from my dad on girls, right?

God, it's so cool when you can

really see yourself in your child.

Nature is a... well,
it's just an amazing thing.

Ooh. Ooh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

I'm not finished with
that page yet. Don't... Aw.

Likes... the way Rooney Mara wore it.

Dislikes the way Khloe Kardashian...

Or however you
spell that... Wore it. Okay.

Man, I remember when stalking
used to be fun.

Oh, you know what? Show me
the punk who stole my phone.

Man, what the...?

Oh, boy.

Of course... It was in the coin pocket.

I never use that little guy.

Mm. Now I got to go back
and apologize to that valet.

Hey.

This is actually pretty cool.
Can't believe I've never...

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, what is that?

You know what? Whatever.

Like Craig doesn't have a bald spot.

Show me Craig.

Oh, brother.

"Oh, look at me cycling
with my fianc�e.

"'Cause we're one of those
couples that enjoy

spending time together."
Give me a break.

Todd! Hey! Can I ask you a question?

- Actually, I'm kind of in a...
- Yeah. How do you make a sale?

Well, the easiest way is to
start with someone you know.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Uh, Todd! Todd!

Would you want to buy
some soap dispensers?

Todd, wait!

- Hey.
- Huh?

What?!

- Do you shop here?
- Here? Oh,

yeah, I love this place.

It's super funky, you know?

It's, like... I feel
like vintage clothing

really has, like, a story to tell.

I literally said the same
thing this morning.

Wow. Huh. Yeah, you know
what, sometimes, uh,

"life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop

and look around once in a while,

- you can miss it."
- Ferris Bueller.

Yeah. It's, like, my favorite movie.

It's my favorite movie.

No way!

- Crazy.
- Shannon,

uh, this is, uh, my friend, Alan.

This is Shannon, by the way.

"Creepy Alan"? With the psycho dad?

- Different Alan.
- Whatever.

I'm gonna go see if any
of the stuff from the '80s

still has coke in the pockets.

You know, I, I on... I only
just met her just now,

but I've seen her around school a bunch,

and she's, like, definitely
changed a lot in the last year,

- you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.

She was really into
volleyball last year,

- but now she's...
- Now she's like a total stoner.

You know, it's, like,
one beaded braid no make Dem

a Rasta!

Hey, this is totally random,
but, uh, next weekend

I have two tickets to see this band,

Pineapple Candy. I don't know if you're

- into them at all...
- Are you serious?

Yes!

Oh, you're kidding me.

You're kidding me.

Nope! No!

- Hey, hey, no, no.
- Uh-oh, busted.

- Take those back!
- Oh, come on, Edie, you don't

actually want bikes in your
garage. That's insane.

- I mean, bikes?
- Yeah, bikes. My bike,

Craig's bike,
together, just the two of them.

Hey, Edie, you're really
gonna keep pretending like...

this isn't happening?

Like what isn't happening?

Come on, I've had a lot of sex, Edie.

I've seen a lot of
vajibas, and a lot of women

have seen my pebis, you hear me?

- I know what I'm talking about.
- I really

don't want to hear about your pebis.

All right, well, if I'm
so wrong about us,

then how come you
still have your Zorn tattoo?

I don't have that Zorn tattoo.

Edie, I've seen it.

How... have you...

The Stone of Sight?!

- Oh... my... God!
- Oh, okay, so now you want

my stuff in your house.

I can't believe this.

Did you spy on me in the shower?

The real outrage here should
be the length of your showers.

We are in a drought, Edie.

It is not a joke.

- Is that a safe?
- Yes.

- Craig got it for his answer keys.
- Edie,

I need the stone, okay? I can't
tell you why, but trust me.

Plus, plus, it is dangerous

- in the hands of evil.
- You are the hands of evil!

Okay, fine. You think some
little safe is gonna stop me?

I... am... Zorn!

Zero, zero, zero, zero.

Damn. Zero, zero, zero, one.

Damn. Zero, zero, zero, two.

Damn. Zero, zero, zero, three.

Damn.

Yeah, I guess it's, like, a‐a date.

Could you maybe give me
some pointers on what

girls think is their favorite
restaurant in town?

Well, yeah, but, son, I...

Could you maybe think about it soon?

So I can make reservations
before the show?

Sure, no, no, yeah,
but-but here's the thing, I...

Definitely think about it when
she's got her clothes on, okay?

Hey, thanks, Dad,

- for, um, you know...
- Hey! But...

My pleasure, son.

Was that a client?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, it was.

Zorn, I don't want to have to fire you.

Just... use the script, make a sale.

I know. I know. No, and I'm super close.

It's just, um, well, you know,
I have this perfect way

to connect with this client,
and, uh, I mean,

he was totally
appreciating me. I mean, it was amazing.

And then, you know, I-I
lost it, and-and now I'm afraid

I'm gonna lose him, and I... I mean,

God, I... I just love him
so much, you know, it's...

Okay. Okay. I know...

all about this way of connecting
with a client,

and... trust me, it does not work out.

I mean, there's a line there,
there's temptation.

You know, just don't give in to it.

Oh, gosh, I think your best bet

would just be to end it, you know?

You got to go over there in person,

get the job done, and get out of there.

Who knows? Maybe if it
doesn't end too badly,

you could still make that sale.

In person.

Well, I warned him. Now his
stuff is in the trash.

- I mean, that is on him.
- Oh. Y-You got a thing

on your...

- Oh! Get it off!
- Okay,

- Kill it!
- Okay, I'll get it, I'll get it.

I'm not gonna kill it.
It's just a little...

Oh, my God!

Whew!

Look, as childish

and invasive as Zorn can be,

you can't force someone to move on.

You got to stop
letting it drive you crazy.

Just let it go.

Come on.

Look,

could I get upset about the tattoo

that you still have on your behind?

Sure.

Do I?

Sometimes. Privately.

- You know it means nothing to me.
- I know,

and I try not to let it torment me,

which is why I prefer missionary.

You know what? You're right.

- I should just let it go.
- Yeah.

There is laser removal.

Hmm.

Well, let's see what else we got here.

Let's see. What?

- Pretty creepy, man.
- Hey,

you want your five stars or not?

Wait, hold on. Who is that?
Is that her brother?

- Dude, I don't know.
- What the hell?

Wow. And people say
Zephyrians are the ones with the deviant

sexual impulses, huh?

Well, maybe it's not her brother.

- Hey!
- Why can't I roll this window up?

It's busted, man.

- Just don't worry about it.
- Ah! This car sucks, dude.

- Hey, take it down a notch.
- Can I help you?

- Oh, no, no, no, we're good, thank you.
- Really?

- You're good?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're just, uh,

we were, um, yeah,
we're looking for an address,

but I-I think we're on the
wrong street, so, uh...

- I saw you urinate on my tree.
- Oh, you saw that?

Okay. Well, I'm sorry.
It was kind of an emergency.

But, hey, we're about
to take off, so just...

Yeah, I just want to put
this out there, man.

I do not know this guy at all.

I picked him up earlier.
He was drinking in the park.

- I was having a beer.
- Yeah.

It was more than a beer.

And now you're at four stars, Brian.

- You want to make it three?
- You knocked over

- my eucalyptus tree!
- What? I got a powerful stream.

Hell, I once
pee-blasted a Glombeast off a cliff.

Maybe back in Vietnam or wherever,
this sort of thing...

Vietnam? Vietnam?

Wh-Why would you say that? I mean

do I look Vietnamese to you, seriously?

Dude, that's racist.

Brian, turn the car on. Let's go.

Hey, buddy. You
weren't answering your phone,

so I figured I'd pop by.

Okay.

So anyway, I've, uh, got
some fatherly advice for you.

Oh, fatherly advice?
This is gonna be really cool.

- Can't wait.
- Well, I'm feeling like maybe

things aren't gonna
work out for you and Nancy.

It's just, um, I mean,
you could do better.

Oh, you think I can do better? Really?

Oh, my gosh. My dad thinks that?

If I'm being honest, I think
she might be prone to incest.

Okay, so it's definitely not because

you went over to
her house to spy on her,

and insulted her dad to the point

where he kicked a dent in your car?

Okay, all right, that did not happen.

Yes, it did! I saw you!

- You spied on me?
- Yeah. I used the Stone of Sight.

Got it out of Craig's
safe... He says the code out loud

when he types it in.
Zero, zero, zero, six.

Are you kidding me?

Okay, well, you know what?

I think the best thing
is probably for me

to stop trying to help, I
always seem to be making things worse.

Well, it's not like it matters.

I saw she has a boyfriend
she didn't tell me about, so...

that's what really sucks in the end.

You know, sometimes
you really like someone,

and you talk a big game like
it's, it's gonna work out,

but the fact is she's with someone else.

And it sucks.

I mean, it sucks.

I mean, I get it, you know?
You wish you could just

rip off the new guy's nose
and break off his finger

and stick it where his nose used
to be and then just punch him

in his stupid bicycle face!

I can see the headline now:

"Man with Tiniest Genitals Dies,

World Rejoices."

But then, I don't know,
once you start to...

let go and move on, who knows?

I mean, maybe it gets better.

Yeah, you're right.

Hey, thanks, Dad.

It's really nice to finally have,

like, an actual conversation, you know,

where we can, like, talk to each o...

Yeah. It's great,

- super great to...
- Mm-hmm.

Finally have a...

one-on-one
conversation back and forth, where...

one-on-one conversation
back and forth, where...

- Yeah, totally.
- ...you're really listening

- Listening.
- To everything I'm saying,

- and really processing...
- Active process.

All right, well, here we go.

Nah, it's for the best.

There are just too many
evil hands in the world.

Mainly yours. But thank you
for finally moving your boxes.

Yeah, I know, it's weird.
It's, like, we're, uh...

like we're officially
divorced now, I guess.

Hey, can you, uh...

- can you give us a minute?
- Oh.

Listen, uh, Craig, I, uh,
I owe you an apology.

How about we hit the old reset button?

I'd like that, Zorn.

Hello. I'm Zorn from
Sanitation Solutions.

Do you have a second to talk
about how satisfied you are

with your current
bathroom products supplier?

Yeah.

$600 on soap dispensers?

I know. It was impulsive.

What the hell were you thinking?

Well, well, well, trouble in paradise.

Zorn, how you make the puppets dance.

Look, honestly, I
just feel sorry for Zorn.

- Wait, wait. Hold on.
- He lost you, he lives in squalor,

the bangs are not working.

I just thought he
needed a win for a change.

Well, when you say it
like that, that's...

Wait a second, why are
the puppets not dancing

- the way I want them to dance?
- ...unusual.

- You're an amazing person.
- No!

Stupid Stone! Come on! Stupid!

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