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1
00:00:01,131 --> 00:00:04,531
It is time
for the Eighth Annual
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:07,399
Sophie Nairobi Cooper
Explosion of Riddles
3
00:00:07,442 --> 00:00:09,492
Birthday Scavenger Hunt!
4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:13,541
♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da ♪
5
00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,839
Did you just
double-blindfold me
6
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,406
to walk me
from my room to here?
7
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:19,933
Correct.
8
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,716
I already told you what I wanted
for my birthday this year.
9
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,460
Wrong. You're not getting
your ears pierced
10
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:24,631
until you're 11.
11
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:25,896
If I can't get
my ears pierced,
12
00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:27,328
I'd love a non-babyish
birthday...
13
00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:28,715
Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,937
...like maybe an intimate
luncheon with friends,
15
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:34,077
like Sir Bridger and Lady Agnes'
Boxing Day party.
16
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,081
I've been trying to get through
this Sir Bridgerseries
17
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,473
for, like, months now,
'cause there's 40 seasons,
18
00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,206
and every season
is three episodes,
19
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,557
and every episode's
four hours long.
20
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,566
And the only way to see it
is to donate $300 to PBS.
21
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:45,959
Well, I promise you will get
22
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,092
the old British lady
birthday party of your dreams
23
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,565
after you solve...this clue.
24
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,320
"It's your birthday
and the fun won't stop.
25
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:57,268
To get the next clue,
you must...pop!"
26
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,322
Oooh!
27
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,237
Diversion, or a clue?
28
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,242
Uh, not part of the hunt.
29
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:12,247
-Mom?!
-Happy birthday, baby!
30
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:16,339
Best scavenger hunt ever!
31
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:18,170
Not part of the hunt.
32
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,352
She's here.
33
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,520
She's here! She's here!
She's here!
34
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,346
Is that -- Oh, my God.
It's happening.
35
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,565
We're meeting
Will's ex-wife.
36
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:33,704
-Oh, my God.
-Impressive.
37
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,175
POPPY:
It's Big Ol' Sophie!
38
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:36,745
Do I call her
"Mrs. Cooper" or "Mom"?
39
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:40,362
Hey, guys, this is my --
this -- Sophie'smom, Mia.
40
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,154
Hello. It's so wonderful
to meet all of you.
41
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,710
I've heard so much about you
from Sophie.
42
00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:49,367
You must be Douglas.
What a wonderful face.
43
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:52,163
And Miggy --
so wise beneath that hat.
44
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,769
Poppy, I feel
very close to you.
45
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,200
-Oh.
-And, Angie, wow,
46
00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:58,417
I pictured you taller,
47
00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:01,026
but, you know, I feel
so connected to all of you,
48
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,377
and I hope that you'll feel
connected to me, too.
49
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,817
This world can be
such a hard place,
50
00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:07,824
which is why it's so important
51
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:11,826
that we seek out love and hold
onto it when we find it.
52
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,220
Don't you think?
53
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,224
Oh. Wow.
54
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,396
Never leave us.
55
00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:20,398
WILL: You know, this has been
fun, but you should probably
56
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:22,194
get into Sophie's classroom
before she -- Okay.
57
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:23,579
Oh, you know what?
I have gifts for all of you.
58
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:27,411
After I won a case restricting
slash-and-burn agriculture
59
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:30,671
in Ghana, I was thanked
with these sculptures.
60
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,365
I started thinking
of these little guys
61
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,593
-as my companions.
-Aww.
62
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:38,251
I now give my old friends
to my new friends.
63
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:40,198
-I feel like I'm crying.
-Get a hold of yourself.
64
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,207
You know, I should go check out
Sophie's classroom.
65
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:43,469
I just said that.
66
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,341
It'll be so nice to see one
67
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:46,692
that I didn't have to build
by hand.
68
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,911
-It's a good classroom.
69
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,391
You'll enjoy it. Sophie will
love having you in there.
70
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,612
Okay, so your ex-wife is,
like, a really good person.
71
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,311
-Yeah, she's incredible.
-She's better than
Ariana Grande.
72
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,790
-Solid seven.
-I know. She's unbelievable.
73
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,270
-And she's driving me crazy.
-POPPY: Oof.
74
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,570
Co-parenting.
75
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,006
Two people trying to walk
the same dog with one leash.
76
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,273
And I'm sorry for calling your
daughter a dog in that metaphor,
77
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,056
-but you get it.
-I forgive you.
78
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,580
You know what you need?
Girls' night at Angie's.
Right, Poppy?
79
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:10,584
-Oh, yeah.
80
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,925
When I was
in the thick of it with Ron,
81
00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,284
Angie threw a girls' night
that saved my life.
82
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:14,723
-WILL: Aww.
-You know, I'm always
curious to know
83
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,719
what goes on during
these "girls' nights."
84
00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,941
What do you do, like, eat yogurt
and tickle each other?
85
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:21,071
-Mm-hmm, yeah,
that's exactlywhat we do.
-ANGIE: Yeah. That's right.
86
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,383
MIGGY: Come on, man.
87
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,459
So, your mom's in town?
88
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,377
-How are you holding up?
-Great.
89
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,122
-I love when she's here.
-Okay.
90
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:29,083
Well, if you need any advice
about how to handle
91
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,251
the two-parent struggle,
let me know.
92
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,128
I get so full from
back-to-back Thanksgivings
93
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:34,949
that I've been driven
to drawstring pants.
94
00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,387
It's not like I want
my parents to get back
together or anything.
95
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:40,524
I don't even have any memories
of them being together.
96
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,698
For real?
Not even one?
97
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:46,274
Actually, I remember once
when we went to a pizza place
98
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,973
and we some took photos in one
of those old-timey photo booths.
99
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,322
It was so fun.
100
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:54,711
Did you know that photos
could be on paper?
101
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,976
-What?
-It's insane.
102
00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,057
Dropping off.
103
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,408
Emma and Amy
are in your front yard
104
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,977
throwing rocks
at each other.
105
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,334
Have a nice time.
106
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,423
Wait a second.
107
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,901
Is this what I think it is?
108
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,901
Yep,
I'm giving away my stuff.
109
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:11,083
Yeah. Sophie's mom
did a real number on him.
110
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,380
MIGGY: She's doing so much
for the world.
111
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,946
And what am I doing?
112
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,952
Actually, I did make a sequel
to my music video
113
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,304
and it came out pretty dope.
114
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:21,174
Mystery Señorita:
Sexy Christmas.
115
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,697
I held a boom
for nine hours.
116
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,350
Listen. I have a policy
that's served me well --
117
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,525
never give away anything unless
you're getting something back.
118
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:31,312
The only reason I clothe
and feed Emma and Amy
119
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:34,318
is so they'll put me in a home
with a decent pool.
120
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,321
The man didn't get where he is
by giving bad advice.
121
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:37,323
Word.
122
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:39,194
Nobody likes
a kiss ass.
123
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:40,535
Not in the head, Amy!
124
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,544
-I still can't shake
this feeling, G.
125
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:46,326
-I have more stuff than I need.
-Yeah. You're just one guy.
126
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,683
And that's a buttload
of orange soda.
127
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,383
You're right.
The soda goes in the box!
128
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,335
Dude, that felt good.
Try it.
129
00:04:58,385 --> 00:04:59,685
Okay, pencil case.
130
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,134
Our time together
has come to an end.
131
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,351
Mm.
132
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,255
-Giving feels good!
-Yeah.
133
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,608
It's like putting on socks
that just came out of the dryer.
134
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,488
Hella toasty.
Let's go even harder.
135
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,529
Let's give away stuff
we really care about.
136
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,965
I'm gonna give Mr. Roar
to Sophie for her birthday.
137
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:20,842
Whoa. Okay.
I see your Mr. Roar,
138
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:23,495
and I raise you
my most prized possession.
139
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,720
-My Nike Air Max 90 Corks.
140
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,150
-Oh!
-I love these so much,
141
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,416
I got adult baptized in them.
142
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,368
But they're going in!
143
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,287
-We're really good people!
-We really are!
144
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,512
Let's go donate them now before
we change our minds.
145
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,861
-I'm gonna go put on
some less dope shoes.
-GRAHAM: Excellent idea.
146
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,381
Charity.
147
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:42,394
-Well, that's done.
-Yep.
148
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:47,086
The joy of giving
lasted five seconds!
149
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,569
What have we done?!
150
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:53,090
Hey, Mom said I could open
a present a day early.
151
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,435
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
152
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,624
-No way.
-What's wrong?
153
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,489
-Is the knife too big?
154
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,921
I'm sorry, it's just,
155
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,057
I've seen a 2-year-old
use a bigger one than that.
156
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:02,619
Oh, uh, Sophie,
I just remembered.
157
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:05,276
I think there's a bonus
birthday clue in the kitchen.
158
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,761
Why don't you go
try to find it, okay?
159
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:12,551
I'll fall for that,
but only because I love you.
160
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,459
Hey, look, I'm glad
161
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,814
that you and Sophie are getting
all this time together,
162
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,774
but I have rules
for a reason.
163
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,553
What is the reason?
164
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,637
Without rules,
social order falls into chaos.
165
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,986
You used to be, like,
a lot more fun.
166
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,646
I mean,
what happened to the guy
167
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:29,520
who took me on a road trip
to Oklahoma
168
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:32,003
so that I could
"taste tornado rain"?
169
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,793
Not many people
can say they've had...
170
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,399
danger on their tongue.
171
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:40,312
What is that?
172
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,786
You know you're having
birthday cake tomorrow.
173
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:42,786
Mom said I could.
174
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,527
WILL: Okay. Well. FYI --
175
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:47,488
Sophie has crazy reactions
when she has too much sugar.
176
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:49,887
I won't even tell you what
happened at Halloween 2015,
177
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,591
but let's just say we are not
invited back to that corn maze.
178
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,939
There's a shortcut if you just
run straight through the corn.
179
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,719
MIA: I think we should
let her have it.
180
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:59,594
If a child in one of the most
developed nations in the world
181
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:02,066
has a little extra ice cream,
it's probably okay.
182
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:05,337
-Right, Sophie-Bear?
-SOPHIE: Right. Mmmm.
183
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,471
Good call on putting
an extra layer
184
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:07,603
of gummy worms
on the bottom.
185
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:11,044
So sour! So wormy!
186
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:15,873
I need a girls' night.
187
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,443
Get in here, bitch.
188
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:21,833
Welcome to girls' night!
189
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,746
-Thisis girls' night?
-It is now.
190
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,751
You can take
the tape off when --
191
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,533
WILL: Angie,
you don't have to explain
192
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:28,617
-Edward 40-Hands to me.
193
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,095
I went to college
in South Florida.
194
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,055
Poppy, I'm a little shocked
that this is yourscene.
195
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,063
Hey, this is how
D'Amato likes it.
196
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,145
-So, Mia's driving
you crazy, huh?
-WILL: Oof.
197
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,684
ANGIE: Oh, yeah, why did you two
split up, anyway?
198
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,419
-Was it your affinity
for Dave Matthews?
199
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,770
Ooh, I bet you're really
annoying on vacation, huh?
200
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:46,200
No. No, it's just,
we've changed, you know?
201
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,988
When Mia and I
first got together,
202
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,082
we were always on the go,
203
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,560
and then when we had Sophie,
204
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,950
I wanted to put down roots
and Mia did not.
205
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,604
She hung around
for a couple years,
206
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:57,958
but I-I could see
the life-force in her draining.
207
00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,649
Like a fly
on the second day.
208
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,086
Okay, is that true?
I guess I don't know
that much about flies.
209
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,313
-Girls' night.
-Mia was miserable.
210
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:07,313
We would fight nonstop,
and then we split.
211
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,746
And now every time I see her
face, all I want to do is yell,
212
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:10,623
"Give me back my 20s!"
213
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,141
ANGIE:
Okay, here's the deal.
214
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:15,098
You have to take
all the emotion
215
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,536
out of your interactions
with Mia.
216
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,983
The two of you
are now running a business --
217
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,720
Sophie, Incorporated.
218
00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:23,111
But how am I supposed to take
emotion out of a relationship
219
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:24,204
where I have
so much history?
220
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,682
I mean, I saw Sophie
come out of her body.
221
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:27,773
And we're gonna
circle back to that.
222
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,731
-ANGIE: Look, from now on,
223
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,550
you are going to
only deal with Mia
224
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,428
on Sophie-related
business.
225
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:36,339
And when you do, you are
going to be cool, professional.
226
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:37,905
Like Customer Service.
227
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,912
"Yes, ma'am.
Just a moment.
228
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,704
Please hold while I dial
that extension.
229
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,828
Para español,
número dos."
230
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:46,571
And then all that crazy stuff
that you want to say to Mia,
231
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,743
say to meinstead.
232
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,828
C'mon, let's try it.
233
00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,227
You want me to yell at you
like you'reMia.
234
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:52,269
Yes!
235
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,844
It worked wonders for Poppy
236
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,621
when she was going through
ex hell with Ron. Right, Pops?
237
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,705
She does a shockingly good
Ron impression.
238
00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,584
Sometimes I call her
just to hear him apologize.
239
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:02,716
Okay, um, sure.
Lead me in.
240
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:06,239
I'm Mia.
I'm a really good person!
241
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:09,594
I'm like if Gwyneth Paltrow
had a baby with Gwyneth Paltrow!
242
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,376
-Hummus!
243
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,210
Um, you need to respect
my parenting choices.
244
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,079
I lead a tight ship
for a reason.
245
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,820
More. More.
246
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,041
I love-hate you so hard.
247
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,520
And I have a fantasy
248
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,040
of you tripping in front of
a large group of people
249
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,093
and all of them pointing
and laughing at you.
250
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,438
Oh, you go deep fast.
251
00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:38,749
-CHILD: Oh, my gosh!
-I know that look.
252
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,835
You two dummies did
something good, didn't you?
253
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,764
You gotta help us
get our stuff back, man.
254
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,279
You're, like, the closest thing
we have to Liam Neeson.
255
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:46,633
Okay, I'm not gonna
come to your rescue,
256
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,503
but what I am gonna do
is teach you a life lesson here,
257
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:52,845
since, emotionally,
you're both 7 years old.
258
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,766
-Great burn.
-Bro!
259
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,771
Ask for your things back.
260
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:57,773
Don't take no for an answer.
261
00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,294
Remember --
262
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:02,207
you did something nice,
but it was a stupid accident.
263
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:05,783
Isn't asking for something back
against the rules?
264
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,652
Youmake the rules,
you understand?
265
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:13,738
Oh, so you'reSophie's friend
that's not us.
266
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:15,828
You look like
a book person.
267
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,786
Here you go,
Sophie-Bear.
268
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:19,884
Ooooh, Clotted Creamos!
My fave!
269
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,713
Mom let me go all out
270
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,671
in a UK import store.
271
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,840
Whoa, candy before
the first course?
272
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:28,666
All aboard the two-parent
struggle bus.
273
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,105
A-woo woo!
274
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,591
Listen, if you need my help,
just --
275
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,161
I'm fine!
Everything's fine!
276
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:37,720
You already put
the candy out?
277
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,377
Oh, I'm so sorry.
278
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,031
I just -- I don't really
believe in courses.
279
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:43,025
-I think food should be served
when you have it.
280
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,907
Thank you
for your feedback, ma'am.
281
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,338
-What?
-I'll be in touch.
282
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:48,685
Please hold.
283
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,165
GIRL:
Oh, hand me one of those.
284
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,295
-Hey.
285
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,918
Weren't you just --
286
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,048
The you-version,
not the real one.
287
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,610
-Oh, yeah!
288
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,957
Okay, go ahead.
289
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:02,486
"Hi, I'm Mia, and I definitely
voted for Jill Stein."
290
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,051
Mia, the last time
you were in town,
291
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,098
you told Sophie that her bedtime
depended on "circadian rhythms"
292
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,544
before you bolted to Cuba
to represent artist protestors.
293
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,501
But do you know who really
deserves the protest?
294
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:14,720
It's you,Mia.
It's you.
295
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,201
Damn, Will.
296
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,290
Oh, I am not done.
Another thing...
297
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:21,418
So, um...about Mr. Roar...
hoo boy...
298
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:23,203
Why does my mouth
taste like pennies?
299
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:25,207
Aw, geez...so...
300
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,419
Spit it out, Graham.
301
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:27,508
I need him back!
302
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:28,986
I'm so sorry.
303
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,986
I'll give you
something else.
304
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:33,948
Can I interest you
in a thousand hugs?
305
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,737
No need. Here.
306
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:38,182
Not the manners I was hoping for
at this luncheon,
307
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,529
but it's fine.
308
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,005
I feel gutted.
309
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,013
DOUGLAS:
Eh, you'll get over it.
310
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,315
All right, Miggy,
you're up.
311
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,750
What did you do
with those sneakers?
312
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,797
What charity saw you coming
from a mile away?
313
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,672
Sisters of Mercy.
314
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,244
Ah, the nuns. Every last one
of them just out for a buck.
315
00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:01,462
-Okay, off you go.
-Okay.
316
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:03,979
Hey, have you seen Angie?
317
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,897
Mia just said she wanted to
get Sophie "off shoes,"
318
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,683
and I need
to dump it, fast.
319
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,248
Yeah...
Okay, can I ask you?
320
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,214
Is Angie's advice
about Mia working?
321
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:13,433
No, not really.
322
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:14,861
But maybe I'm just bad
at role-playing.
323
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:15,868
I mean,
it's been said before.
324
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:18,039
Nope.
325
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:18,995
It's because
Angie doesn't know what the
hell she's talking about.
326
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,782
-What?
-Look, I love that woman,
327
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,867
but I make it a point to
never take advice from someone
328
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,396
who buys their underwear
at CVS.
329
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,959
I mean, I just go along with it
because it makes her feel good.
330
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,357
In fact,
that famous girls' night,
331
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,790
-after talking to "Ron"
for so long...
-Mm-hmm.
332
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,488
...I left her house and
booty-called the real thing!
333
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:36,015
-Poppy!
-RORY: Excuse me, grown-ups?
334
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,799
We need to sing "Happy Birthday"
to Sophie ASAP.
335
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,064
She's a woman
on the brink.
336
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:41,276
-Louder! Faster!
-TOGETHER: ♪ Happy birthday
337
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,845
-More British!
-♪ Dear Sophie
338
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:51,026
♪ Happy birthday to you
339
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,080
-GIRL: Whoo!
-What the what?!
340
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:55,991
Earrings?!
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
341
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,596
I'm here.
You don't need to freak out.
342
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,866
Angie, your advice doesn't work,
and Poppy agrees with me.
343
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,259
That "amazing girls' night"
you had?
344
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,092
After she left your place,
she went and she boinked Ron.
345
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:05,390
-Now, if you'll excuse me,
346
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:08,306
an atrocity has been committed
at Claire's.
347
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,826
Wow. Really, dude?
348
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:15,618
Okay, "boinked" makes it sound
less romantic than it was.
349
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:18,284
Why is there a non-biological
hole in my daughter's ear?
350
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,319
It's a rite of passage
in many cultures...
351
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,674
-...including where I'm from --
352
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,193
Central New Jersey.
353
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:25,887
I can't take it anymore!
You pump Sophie full of sugar.
354
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:28,105
You pierce her ears without
asking my permission.
355
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,975
You can't just show up here
and undermine everything I do.
356
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:33,327
Maybe globally,what I do
is not that important.
357
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,077
But in thishouse,
it is.
358
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,118
And this is myhouse!
You're in my house!
359
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,774
And so is your dumb
box of mail!
360
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,338
Your subscription
to ELLEmagazine
361
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:41,654
is no longer of use to me!
362
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,130
And who gets that many
yoga mat catalogs?
363
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,651
You don't even live here!
364
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:49,825
You try unsubscribing
to L.L.Bean from Ghana!
365
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:56,014
Whoa, shockingly good form.
You all right?
366
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:59,882
Yeah.
I'm just stressed.
367
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:00,926
I'm really sorry
I outed you.
368
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,890
It's all right.
Just put flowers on my grave.
369
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,890
-The last time Angie
was mad at me,
370
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,242
she told me her
Uncle Joey D'Amato
371
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,461
was "connected."
372
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:10,109
-Well, that's terrifying.
-Yeah.
373
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,073
Hey, what are you
lil' girls doing?
374
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,682
You -- You having a sleepover
and giving each other advice
375
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,123
because apparently
mine doesn't work?
376
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,989
Look, Ange,
it's not your fault, all right?
377
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,991
Will and I, we still
have to deal with our exes,
378
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,163
but you don't.
379
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,508
So that means
I can't give advice?
380
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:23,467
-You nailed it.
-ANGIE:
381
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:24,474
You know what?
I am just as --
382
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,775
-SOPHIE: Yay!
383
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,131
-It's my birthday!
-Sophie?
384
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,131
-CHILD: What is she doing?
-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
-MIA: Sophie?
385
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,913
-SOPHIE: I'm eight!
-Sophie-Bear, come back to me.
386
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,128
-You're scaring Mommy.
-CHILD: What is she doing?
387
00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:35,346
-Oof, the Creamos got her.
-What's going on?
388
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:37,396
MIA: Sophie is reacting
to sugar in a way
389
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,311
that I do not understand,
and I don't know what to do.
390
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,916
-It's okay, everybody.
-SOPHIE: It's my birthday!
391
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,267
I know it is, honey!
I know.
392
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,966
Mia, I need a glass of water.
393
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,413
-Rory, get me
a dry English muffin.
-Got it.
394
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,579
Sophie, we're gonna count to 10
in Japanese, okay?
395
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:51,275
BOTH: Ichi, ni, san, shi,
396
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:53,325
go, roku,
397
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,980
shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu.
398
00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:58,156
WILL: Very good.
399
00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,381
We're gonna
get off the table now.
400
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:00,550
That's not safe.
401
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,635
All right, everybody.
We're all better.
402
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,164
You guys finish your cake,
and then we'll play
403
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,987
Pin the Ruff
on the Beefeater.
404
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,517
Thank you, Will.
405
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:16,996
Of course.
406
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:21,306
No, seriously, thank you.
I had no idea what to do.
407
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,305
I mean, the first thing
that came to mind was,
408
00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:25,007
-"Do I change her diaper?"
409
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:26,364
It's just every time
I see her,
410
00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:29,103
I feel like she's become
this whole new person
411
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,575
that I have to get to know,
like, all over again.
412
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:34,106
Yeah, I sometimes feel that
between lunch and dinner.
413
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,592
You know, I hate
414
00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:39,461
that I make you feel like
what you do isn't important.
415
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,983
I get to swoop in
and be this fun mom.
416
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,678
Meanwhile,
you're with her every day,
417
00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:47,416
making rules and --
and washing her hair.
418
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:51,988
Thank you.
I don't say that enough.
419
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,428
Well, you did
send that e-mail
420
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,425
that said
"You da best!" last week.
421
00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,645
But thanks,
I appreciate it.
422
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,664
Attention, parents, I'd like
to make an announcement --
423
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:08,232
I thought I could handle that
amount of sugar, but I cannot.
424
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:10,141
Things were said,
and I apologize.
425
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,006
-You're forgiven.
-It's my fault.
426
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,798
Look, I love
having two parents,
427
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:18,153
but sometimes
it's hard on me,
428
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:21,684
and I wish we had more memories
of the three of us.
429
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:26,069
Because we are family,
even if we don't live together.
430
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:29,285
Oh, honey,
of course we are.
431
00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:30,376
I love you.
432
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:39,482
Hey, um, does someone
need to drive her home?
433
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,700
Louisa.
Why are you so quiet?
434
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:45,090
I'm more of a listener.
435
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,922
-Who dis?
-DOUGLAS: It's Douglas.
436
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,656
What happened
with the nuns?
437
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,267
My buddy Dwayne
bought my kicks.
438
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,227
He saw my Insta story
439
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:57,315
about what a good person
I am for donating them.
440
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,194
Okay, real men
don't have "buddies."
441
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,845
Okay, now go be a man
and get your shoes back.
442
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:05,200
I tried, but I ended up giving
him the pair I was wearing
443
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,721
and a baggie of Goldfish
I had in my pocket.
444
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:09,675
-That's it.
I'm coming down there.
-I'll text you the address.
445
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,644
DOUGLAS: No, no, no. No.
No texting.
446
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,212
Form the words in your head,
drop them to the mouth,
447
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,640
and shout 'em out
into the world
448
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:17,986
like a normal
friggin' human being.
449
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,297
Can you repeat that?
It was a lot.
450
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:28,479
-Ange? You up
for a girls' night?
451
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:29,915
I got gas station
caffeine pills.
452
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,271
Are you still mad at me?
453
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:36,322
No, I'm not mad-mad.
It's just...
454
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,359
why didn't you tell me
about Ron?
455
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,145
You're a very scary woman.
456
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,369
Plus, I didn't want you to think
I was still a mess
457
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,279
after all those nights
I spent on your couch.
458
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,329
You're the strongest person
I know.
459
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,240
Thanks.
460
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:54,325
It's just...even though
I never had a husband,
461
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,597
I like to be the person
you come to with that stuff.
462
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,380
And you always will be,
whether I listen to you or not.
463
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:01,906
That's why
we have girls' night.
464
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,820
- Mm, I love you.
-I love you.
465
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:11,385
Okay, so...
how was it with Ron?
466
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,398
Girl, I've been waiting
three years to tell you.
467
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,750
It was as good as it could be
468
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:19,230
in a parked car outside of
his girlfriend's house.
469
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,536
-I'm gonna get the beer funnel.
-POPPY: Please.
470
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,489
I've only
waited in line once --
471
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,238
December 1, 1974.
472
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,800
Bills-Colts tickets.
473
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:32,016
It was so cold,
my sister Donna lost a toe.
474
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,547
May she rest in peace.
475
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,810
-Okay, so which one is Dwayne?
-Hold up.
476
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,254
I don't think you know what
you're getting into with Dwayne.
477
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,601
The guy's an evil genius.
478
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,030
You know, like Elon Musk
or Kickeeboy.
479
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,037
Who's Kickeeboy?
480
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,299
Oh, that guy
eating a snow cone.
481
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,821
DOUGLAS: Ah.
482
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,564
I think I can handle it.
483
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:51,295
Hey, I hear you got
my friend's tennis shoes,
484
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,257
so why don't you
just give them back?
485
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:55,046
Oh, are you one of those
old parent people
486
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,660
Miggy hangs out with now?
487
00:18:56,700 --> 00:19:00,270
I'm Dr. Douglas Fogerty,
and this conversation
488
00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,843
has already gone on longer
than I care for,
489
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,320
so why don't you just
give me the shoes?
490
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,230
Nah. These are Nike Air Max
90 Corks, man!
491
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,756
The most coveted pair
of shoes
492
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,319
in all of Pennsyl-Dwaynia.
493
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,406
Keeping 'em.
494
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,414
A man only needs
four pairs of shoes --
495
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,016
dress loafers, deck shoes,
496
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:18,066
sturdy topsiders,
and golf spikes.
497
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,423
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
498
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:21,812
I'm gonna give you
what you paid for the shoes,
499
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,416
and I'm gonna kick in
an extra Andrew.
500
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,426
Honestly, man, it's not even
about the Corks.
501
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,948
It's about Miggy.
502
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:28,651
These kicks remind me of
the old days with that dude --
503
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,039
skateboarding,
504
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,431
him helping me write
flirty texts to Gina,
505
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,425
him helping me write
breakup texts to Gina.
506
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,437
Doesn't seem like
it went great with Gina.
507
00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:37,829
Miggy and I had
the best times.
508
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:39,222
Waiting in line
for Yeezys,
509
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:41,265
before Kanye made them
hella problematic.
510
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,490
Going to the dog park,
511
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,009
then getting kicked out
for not having a dog.
512
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:50,013
Before he got busy with dad
world, Miggy was there for me.
513
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:53,188
In line, in life.
514
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:57,283
But now, he's giving all that
solid gold friendship to you
515
00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:59,286
and I got squat.
516
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,458
You're so lucky, man.
517
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,730
Peekaboo!
518
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:08,158
Yeah, he's a good egg.
519
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,117
So, those slippers Gucci?
520
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,690
Yo, no one's ever
stood up for me before.
521
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,037
So, how'd it -- Damn!
522
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:19,906
You got Dwayne'd.
523
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,397
Yo! See you soon, Miggy!
524
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:25,088
Man, looks like Dwayne
got everything from you.
525
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:26,656
And I know
you just hate that,
526
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:28,313
giving without getting
anything back.
527
00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:29,877
It was a fair trade.
528
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:31,404
-Glass.
529
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,187
-That was a shard of glass.
-Oh.
530
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,282
-Oh, no.
-Yeah.
531
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:40,943
All right, so let's rehearse.
I'm pitching double peace signs,
532
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:43,888
devil horns, and then,
if there's time, upside down?
533
00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:48,422
-Those are gonna be awesome.
534
00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,644
I'm gonna go grab us
some mozzarella sticks.
535
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:54,214
If it's okay with both
my parents, of course.
536
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,343
Well, it's still
your birthday,
537
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:59,515
and you're not
in a coma yet...
538
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,962
so I say go for it.
539
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,438
Hey, should we do one
just the two of us?
540
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:03,828
You know, for Sophie.
541
00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:05,311
She doesn't have a ton
of photos of us together.
542
00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:08,311
I mean, everyone has a camera
in their pocket, but sure.
543
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:09,924
I'll pay $3
to sit in a closet.
544
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,404
♪ I keep digging through
our waste of time ♪
545
00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:16,316
-♪ But the picture's
incomplete ♪
546
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:20,412
-♪ 'Cause I'm missing you
547
00:21:29,592 --> 00:21:32,292
--Captions by VITAC--
39307
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